[manasi]

34.1
Kavita
 
 
 
 
 
Originally, we were hailing from a place very near to Nasik. It was a small town with minimum facilities. My parents were from well off upper cast society and strictly vegetarian. They were rich but not above orthodox mentality. Since child hood I have seen them performing pujas very religiously. My father Aviram Joshi was a respectful person in the society. He valued cultural morality above personal needs. He valued education, especially women’s education. One side he talked about women’s liberty and on the other side physical and mental purity of women was equally important to him. Modernism and stagnation both simultaneously adorned his character. My mother Anita was shadow of my father. She always believed my father blindly and followed him irrespective of any outcome. Was she afraid of my father? I don’t know. What I knew that she loved him more than her life.  His wishes were last words in her life. Her life revolved around my father.
 
 
I was only child of my parents. Since childhood I was pampered. My parents loved me a lot but never allowed me indulging in any kind of activities jeopardizing societal moral values. I was encouraged to perform pujas and spiritual activities. I was educated on moral values of a woman and preserve virtues of a good woman. The do’s and don’ts were well defined in my life.
 
 
I had a very lonely childhood. We were only three. Very seldom, I had opportunity to play around. The college was better. I could play with other girls. House was like a jail. Not that my parents did not take care of me. There were no dearth of love & care from my parents. I was missing the company of my age group. I used to make complains to my mother for siblings. My mother always solaced me saying, “God has decided against it. We can’t change his decision. Whatever he does is for our betterment. But don’t worry; you will get a lot of children.” Since then, I dreamed off a lot of children of my own. The truth revealed, only when I was in college during my intermediate course. My mother had to abort her 2nd issue at very advanced stage due to medical complications. It was a boy. She was advised against further pregnancy due to acute anaemia.My apparently happy mother was not happy in her mind. She still remembered her unborn child. “If he had been alive, he would have finished college.” She would tell me very often. She confided me of her feelings. For her it was like a murder. She was always remorseful of killing an innocent life. I started hating abortion. If I could delete the word from human life, I thought!
 
 
The puberty brought a lot of changes in me. I was told about monthly impurity. At this stage I know, it is a must biological process of every woman’s life and there is nothing impure in it. But it is difficult to forgo the practices implanted in your mind so easily. Even today, some restrictions have their traces in my mind and some of the restrictions I still follow without any proper logical resolves. The restrictions on my activities increased during my periods.  I was being treated as untouchable during those days. There were sudden changes in my physical appearances. My breasts started to grow. Pubic hairs started appearing.I felt a growing insecurity over my body. I felt a strong desire to hide me from myself and all others. Even today, period is a taboo word for me in my subconscious mind.
 
 
Even before attaining puberty, I was cut off from boys. I was discouraged to speak to male members outside of my family. My collegeing started in girl’s college. Then higher secondary education continued in a women’s college. A few girls used to come to college in western dress. Nasik was developing at rapid space. Western culture especially on fashion front was spreading under direct influence from Mumbai.  My dress was mostly sari and for a few occasions shalwar kameez.  I grew fondness in western dress, though it was beyond my reach. I wanted to experiment. I knew, my father will never allow. It’s only increased my frustration. I started blaming my fate, my upbringing culture.
 
 
There was no chance for me to mingle with boys. I developed some kind of attraction towards opposite sex. The girls of my age were involved in gossiping about their boyfriends. I used to listen and get excited. They discussed everything. Kissing and fondling were very common. Many a time they discussed about hand job and blowjob also. The vivid description of sexual intimacy was intensifying in my mind. I started visualising me in their place. The illusions made me more excited. Very often, I used to immerse into virtual world. I used to spend hours imagining my unknown boyfriend kissing me, fondling my breast or sucking me. I never imagined about blowjob. I hated the concept from very beginning. I always considered it sick and wired. Even mere thought of taking male organ in mouth used to create vomiting sensation. I had no clear idea about male organ. I had never seen them in reality except in prints. My knowledge was limited to biology class book. It was the member of males for dual purpose, for pissing and intercourse. Yes, the meaning and purpose of intercourse was known, courtesy to my matured friends in the college. Towards end of my intermediate education, I had chance to look at colour prints of male organ.
 
 
I was better in studies. I performed better in higher secondary and secured a place in one of the prestigious engineering college in Mumbai. Hostel should have been the first choice. My father opined differently. He relocated himself to suburb of Mumbai near to my college. My engineering college life started. My condition was like setting into vast sea from well. Everywhere, there was freedom. Boys were not from another world. They were entity of the same class and sometimes from same bench. The western dresses were no more out of bounds. Permission was granted for jeans and T-shirts with some restrictions. My father had no option but to extend this small liberty. His society had changed. No longer he could behave like a pun and restrict me in primitivism. His changes were in his outer shell. My father was same as earlier when considered about moral values within boundaries of our house. I had to restrict myself in sari-blouse inside house.
 
 
My world changed. Distinctly there were two opposite phases, total freedom in college and partial restriction in house. I had to maintain tranquillity in house, though some shadow of college life always induced. My transformation was quite visible. I was learning life at quite greater pace. I was keen to acquire my lost world. My figure was attractive and my face had an appealing beauty. Within a very short period, I was able to draw attention of opposite sexes. No of my boyfriends surpassed girlfriends. The girls were jealous. Many of them resorted to revealing dresses to win over boys’ attractions. My boyfriends comprised all types. Some were romantic. Some were materialistic. I had temptations to experiment my sexuality. A growing desire to fulfil untouched virtual dream occasionally engulfed my mind. I had my limitations. I could suppress my feelings. Slowly I could win over my obsession. Some of the girls lost their virginity by end of second year. I was confident to preserve for my future husband. I maintained a purposeful physical distance from all of my boyfriends. Many tried to seduce me. Successfully, I could thwart off their plans.
 
 
In the middle of my third year, I was swept by a storm called Prem. He was one-year junior to me in college. His full name was Amir Ali. He was famous in friend circle by Prem for his relationship with multiple girls simultaneously. A few girls were looking for physical satisfaction from him. No attachment, no emotional baggage. He seems had specialised in this field. A few jealous girls contemplated me against Prem, they baited my virginity. I was not aware of these.  On one rainy day afternoon, he kissed me in a deserted corner catching me in surprise.  I was taken aback by his boldness.  Immediately, he apologized. I could complain against Prem. By complaining, I would not gain anything.  Prem would be free with some reprimand. Similar incidents already happened in the college. The concerned girl will be taunted not only by the boys but also by the girls. Making it public only would defame me. Gossip would start. Someday, it would reach to my house. I allowed the incident to die. Back in home, I was excited thinking about the incident. This was first time, some male kissed me. It was not consensual but enough to ignite my virtual world of fantasy.  Even though it was forced, I started liking it. My fantasy blossomed.
 
 
For over a month, Prem was not visible. I had no idea whether he was attending college or not. I almost forgot the incidents, when one late afternoon he resurfaced, apologized again and offered me a coffee.  I accepted. We had discussion over coffee on various topics including his sudden disappearance. He explained about his hobby of photography and reasoned the same for his sudden disappearance. His depth of knowledge on any subject was limited. He camouflaged his weakness with vivid presentation. He knew the art of keeping a woman happy in humorous company. Kissing episode did not figure in our discussion.  He did not show any intention of touching me.  These coffee sessions repeated over and over. I was getting confidence in his company. When he asked for my company for his local photographic tours, I found it interesting. I accepted. Mostly, on Sundays and college holidays, we were travelling length and breadth of Mumbai. I excused myself in home pretending of project works. One Sunday, we visited Gorai beach in north Mumbai. It was very lonely and only very few couples were visible, mostly college going students. He took my hand in his while we were seated on hide of a big boulder at sea shore. He put his hand around my shoulder and pulled me towards him. The close proximity of a strong man, his masculinity, a toxic scent of his body odour mixed with my perfume, the open sky above head and the roaring sound of sea water breaking on stones had mystic effect on my mind. I had no idea when he started kissing and fondling me.  I gained sense only when his hand reached under my top, he was trying to free my breast.  My meek protest was blown away similar to the air around us. Ultimately, we ended up in Prem sucking my breast and I touching his manhood. Both were first time for me. He profoundly praised my breast and specially the nipples. His circumcised thick and big manhood was throbbing in my hand.  Back in-home laying in my bed alone, I got terrified to myself. I knew a new chapter had started in my life, realisation of my virtual fantasy world. This was no more fantasy but naked truth. Somebody had touched me, fondled my breast. He had praised them while sucking. One side I had guilty consciousness and fear. The other side I was excited. I was afraid of being discovered by my family. Consequences were not unknown to me. I could realise a vast door was opening to take me inside of an unknown room. I was on the threshold of experimenting with my sexuality. My fantasy would be reality. A small courage would take me to the world till unknown to me. The excitement was more powerful to suppress my guilty consciousness and fear.
 
 
Upgrading to next level did not take much time. Once my initial inhibition was over, there was no stopping. Prem had connection with one photographic studio with facilities of film development and processing. It had one dressing room also. Regularly, we started meeting there. On every meeting, we were discovering each other’s body. To discover our sexuality, we were meeting regularly in the studio. My boldness improved on every meet. After a few meetings, I allowed Prem to disrobe me completely. First time a man undressed me! First time a man praised my naked beauty! Prem fondling & touching me everywhere and my hand blowing him was essential part of our meetings. The magnificent view and feeling of his throbbing penis ejaculating in my hand for the first time was marvellous. I started giving him regular hand jobs. He could orgasm me just by rubbing my clitoris. On his insistence I started shaving my pubs. He fantasized seeing me hairless from top to bottom. I obliged in sheer excitement of discovering myself through his eyes. I started enjoying his passionate appreciation of my assets. Prem was passionate for fellatio. I had to disappoint him as I disliked it from my heart. I cautioned him never to force me. He promised not to force me into blowjob. I had no mental attachment with him. I was enjoying the attention and physical intimacy I was getting from him. My fantasy had turned into reality.
 
 
He photographed me with different type of western dresses. Some were revealing. I had grown fascination over western dresses during my college days in Nasik. Experimenting with revealing dresses was not at issue. I was not comfortable with the photography part. He promised me secrecy and was ready to delete on demand. He actually destroyed many snaps on my objections.Digital camera was not famous and costly at that time. He was using film based camera. He destroyed the films also on my objections. I gained confidence on his promise. I allowed him to keep what I judged to be sober. I assured myself of no threat in my future life. Our meetings continued with physical exploration. On one such meet I lost my virginity. It happened suddenly. I was not mentally prepared. Prem transformed me into a woman. I bled and forced Prem to stop.
 
 
Experience of first intercourse was shocking and painful. I had knowledge of hymen breaking, bleeding and pain. It took some time to overcome the bleeding and the pain. After a week period Prem penetrated me again in missionary style. He was huge and I did not enjoy. His every thrust was causing me pain. I had to force him to abandon. I relieved him by hand. I was frightened of my short comings. Earlier I did mention about Prem’s acceptance within girls’ circle. He was famous for his well endowment. Particularly, one girl regularly slept with him told me that sex with him was intoxicating and irresistible. Contrary to her claim, I did not enjoy sex with him. I presumed it to be my shortcomings and thought of giving it one more try.We had penetrative sex again in new position. He entered me from back in doggy position. Though, it was more painful, I wanted to last. I was looking for my enjoyment.  He came inside me. The enjoyment did not come, though the sensation of throbbing manhood ejaculating deep inside me was exciting.
 
 
My experimentation with sex was over. I wanted to stop. I had no mental attachment with Prem. I could easily gain control over my physical needs. Next time we met, Prem was interested in penetrative sex, I made my decision clear to Prem. Without any inhibition, I informed him about my decision of ending my physical relationship with him.He wanted a release for last time. I offered my hands to help him. He had plan otherwise.  He was interested in blowjob. I objected. He was forcing me. I slapped him across. Prem came back to his senses. He was apologetic. Over and over again he was asking for forgiveness. I softened but there was no question of continuing relationship. Prem also did not pester on this. That was the last time I met him in privacy till I met him in Bangalore to ruin my life.
 
 
I had already mentioned about my weakness on western clothes. I was weak on fashion front also. I used to experiment with different jewellery. A few senior girls used to flaunt their belly adorned with ring. I liked them so much that, in first year itself, I got my naval pierced with my mother’s permission. I selected a pendant containing two dangling letters A.A synonym with the initials of my parents. Though it was expensive, my mother did not object. First time Prem discovered it on my belly, he was ecstatic.  Prem always considered it as souvenir.Only very recently I realised the reason.It never occurred in my mind that my belly ring pendant also symbolised as initials of his name Amir Ali. A mere coincidence had future impact on my life. Anyway, I continued using it till my marriage and then after I preserved it in my personal collection.I never anticipated this innocuous pendant would haunt me again.
 
 
My remaining college days were uneventful till farewell party. I never met Prem alone anywhere. He remained busy with photography and obviously with his other girlfriends. I concentrated on my studies. I was happy on my will power. I never felt any desire for sex anymore. Delusion and fantasy over sex never disturbed me again.  I could concentrate on all other activities in better way. I had overcome of my obsession. The awful, hostile phase of my life was over. I could not get back my virginity, but I could regain my composure and peace of my life. I was confident, I was happy.
 
 
 
 
Yearly three events were very important in our college. One was annual college fest. The other two were welcome event in the beginning of session and the farewell event at the end of academic session. In welcome event, second year students were involved to welcome the fresher’s after completion of ragging period.  It was marked with the end of formal ragging. The farewell event marked the end of academic event of forth years and was sole contribution of third years. A particular incident in this farewell event subsequently had far reaching impact in my life. I had never imagined; such a harmless incident could have such great impact in my life. Everything passed off smoothly in the farewell event.  Distinguished guests and teachers had departed. Most of the students also vacated the college campus. We were gossiping in last minute jolt where a few third and fourth year students were present. Prem was also present in the group. Gossip turned into a jovial discussion on who had kissed maximum no opposite sex.  Prem claimed the title. He was challenged to demonstrate. He casually kissed three girls present over there and progressed towards me.  I objected his intention and asked him to keep distant. He did not listen and progressed further. I cautioned him again and when found him not relenting, I slapped him.  He stopped and retarded. All students present laughed on his cringe worthy condition. Jokingly, they called him coward.  They started pulling his leg asking details for his other experiences of being slapped. I also joined with them. Prem vacated the scene silently. Shortly after, we called it a day. The incident wiped off of my memory until I was reminded again and paid heave price for it.
 
 
 
Another incident deserves importance worth mentioning here. Along with souvenir, this particular incident had far reaching impact on my life, though I was not involved directly.
 
 
 
Rachana was in final year with me. She was engaged through an arranged marriage to a guy named Vipul Kulkarni. I had met him after their engagement. Nice guy, but seemed very insecure and immature.In our final year time, Rachna got involved for some time, with Prem. Three weeks before her wedding, Rachna decided to go visit Goa for the weekend, with Prem. Rachna obviously hadn't disclosed about it to Vipul, but he snooped around, and found out that she had gone to Goa. He followed her there.He tracked her down to the hotel she was staying in with Prem. He confronted her in the room, when she was there, with Prem. The confrontation soon turned ugly. Vipul called her names. He called Prem names. Then, it seems, when Prem tried to get him to calm down, he punched Prem on his nose. Prem didn't take that kind of stuff lying down. He was a strong, proud man.He overpowered Vipul, and pinned him on the floor. He then asked Rachna to leave. When, Rachna came back after a while, Vipul was leaving the room, clutching his groin, and yelping in pain. She didn't ask Vipul what had happened then. It was clear that Prem had thrashed Vipul left & right. She was sure by then, that the wedding would get cancelled anyway. She was kind of resigned to it, from the fact that this ugly confrontation had happened. She continued her weekend stay at Goa. She got back and the preparations for the wedding were continuing normally. But she got no phone calls from Vipul. She knew something was up, and decided to talk to Vipul, and cancel the wedding on her own. She called Vipul and set up a meeting. Vipul seemed like a changed man. He begged her forgiveness for following her to Goa without her knowledge, and requested her not to cancel the wedding. Marriage was performed on scheduled date. Rachna had trouble with Vipul after they got married. She got Vipul to confess that after that one-on-one confrontation with Prem, he never managed to get his erection. They did go to the doctors, but the doctors couldn't do anything. Rachna stayed married to Vipul, knowing very well, he was impotent.She could never come out of her guilty feelings. She considered it as punishment for injustice. It intrigued me always with the question of why Rachana went to Goa with Prem just three weeks prior to wedding.
 
 
 
I got my engineering degree and took up a job in local. My father did not object my working. He was in favour of women’s liberty. In office and outside, I was enjoying the scanner of hungry men’s eyes. I was habituated in men’s attention since my college days. Unwanted graze of public was never a disturbing factor for me anymore. I could successfully suspend a lot of marriage alliances on pretext of too early for marriage. At the age of 24, I relented and got married to Manu Sharma aged 28 years; he was only child to his parents from Delhi. He was well educated and working in US. Before marriage we had some courtship. From his behaviour it was evident that he was novice about women. His simplicity won my heart. Though I was excited to have a virgin man as husband, I was scared and morsel not being able to preserve my virginity. I was cheating a genuine man. I got tempted to inform him, but he never raised the issue. It was not sober for a girl to raise the issue voluntarily. When he accepted my terms of sharing property and money in joint name, I got flattened. I was overwhelmed. I fell in love before marriage.My in-laws were also very accommodating and loving.Their only expectations from me were to keep their son happy and bless them with grandchildren.
 
 
It was only during honeymoon, I discovered biggest jolt of my life. He failed repeatedly in bed to perform. Contrary to Vipul, he was not impotent.  His staying power was limited. Even with elapsed time, there was no improvement. Even, I could not get pregnant. I blamed my fate; I blamed my prenuptial adultery as cause of my diabolical state. I considered it as punishment of God. Except performance in bed, I had nothing to blame him. He was caring and loving. He had no bad habits. I could witness and savour all the good qualities in him. Even my parents were all praise of him. My parents believed him more than me. His bed performance did not deter me loving him. I could feel his anxiety, fear and discomfiture. I made my first mistake of not consulting professionals. I thought it would be embarrassing for him.  I did not like to humiliate him. I remembered Rachana. Manu was better than Vipul. If Rachana can cope up, why can’t I? The question of divorce never came to my mind.
 
 
In the beginning I had sympathy on his predicament. Slowly I found him more as my child than my husband. He was entirely dependent on me on everything.  Even, he never took a medicine of his own.  I had to decide everything on his part. Sometimes I used to think on how he managed his years in US all alone? All of his emotional outbursts revolved around me. He was hopelessly dependent on me practically on everything. His world was revolving around me.  My decisions were his decisions. I don’t remember him objecting my wish anytime. When my sympathy and his dependency turned into deep love I don’t know. I hopelessly loved my husband.
 
 
It was not like that I had become nun.The comparison of well-endowed men with my husband always figured in my subconscious mind whenever we strolled in sea beaches. However, I could always successfully isolate it from my active mind. At times my physical needs would surpass my control. My husband was ready to release me by hand while we stayed in US and later by mouth in our stay in India. He could reach me orgasm by his mouth. He perfected cunnilingus. In return he asked for fellatio. Obviously, I rejected as I hated the very idea of taking manhood in mouth. My obsession on dirtiness of manhood remained strong. I never required sex toys to quench my desire. I always considered them as obscured and immoral.  My libido was not very strong. Though, I was not satisfied with my sexual life, I never allowed my dissatisfaction to grow and dominate my consciousness.
 
 
My weakness on western clothes was always strong. During our stay in US, I had all the liberty to experiment. Some dresses were quite revealing. I could observe jealousness in Manu’s eyes seeing me in scanty dress and hunks feasting on me. It was not new to me. Since college days I was accustomed to male attention. I could read their mind through their eyes. I was not perturbed by male attentions though I used to enjoy. Even in Bangalore, my experience with most men remained same. Men’s are men when women are concerned. Back in India, I could not experiment much with western clothes. I resorted to experimenting wide range of sari-blouse combinations.
 
 
The growing insecurity of my husband was a major factor for my decision to shift back to India. The other factor was my loneliness. I could compare my situation with my childhood loneliness. The only difference was I was a child at that time and presently I was longing for a child. I had some liberty to ward off my loneliness. The culture in US was not favourable against loneliness. We finally decided to return. On my behest, we purchased a two bedroom flat in a decent apartment complex in outer suburbs of Bangalore. I had option to relocate nearby to Mumbai or Delhi. I avoided them altogether. I had no answer for their ever growing demand for grandchildren. As their pressures were surmounting, I was breaking internally.
 
 
The life in Bangalore was much different compared to US except my loneliness. I could see more couples with little children. My mother always said, “Don’t worry; you will get a lot of children.” It always created resonance in my mind. Added to my woes were constant pestering from my mother in law and specially my mother. On every week, she was vocal. Her every phone call invariably converged to only topic of grand children. During their visit to Bangalore, I was served ultimatum; it would be their last visit unless I decide otherwise. They could not be blamed. I had witnessed the life cycle of childless couples. Men are not blamed. It’s the women who bear the brunt of society. They are not allowed to attend any auspicious ceremony. For all practical purpose, these childless women are unwanted and untouchable. My mother was worried on my growing age. She always complained that at my age she was mother of a grown-up daughter. Towards end of year, she used to call me on only purpose of preaching. They thought I was delaying the motherhood on purpose.My mother-in-law adopted different methods to express her. I had to listen to her stories of her relatives who were blessed within two years of marriage. She was blaming to her fate, indirectly indicating my incapability. In few occasions, she called me as a barren woman.Our parents made me responsible on different grounds.The truth was lying with the incapability of my husband. My husband was incapable of making me pregnant. I could not tell the truth to break their heart. They loved Manu so much! I could not degrade him in their eyes. Adoption would not help. My desperation was increasing day by day. I was not able to find a solution.
 
 
Prem was never in my contact list. Since passing out of college to settling in Bangalore, for long six years we never contacted. When I received call from Prem after six months of settlement in Bangalore, I got surprised, but did not suspect any foul play. Slowly he became regular caller in the late afternoon on weekdays, particularly when I remained free and lonely. My husband would be busy in the office. We conversed on limited topics due to lack of his versatility.As time passed our discussion included our personal life. I took pride to state my husband’s profile and glimpse of our present status. He was still bachelor not financially strong and connected with a company on temporary basis which had head office at Bangalore. His passion for photography was his livelihood. Not a single word was shared on our intimate personal lives. He never crossed personal decency and I also. I casually invited him for a visit in our house during his official visit to Bangalore.
 
 
One day Prem requested for temporary accommodation for 3 – 4 months period to attend his short-term assignment. His request was a bit odd. He expressed his financial crunch and my place would be logistically helpful. Being first time in Bangalore, my facilitation would be a great help to him.Before confirmation I needed to discuss with my husband. Same day evening I got a call from my mother-in-law. I had to endure same topic, same nagging, same desperate feelings.
 
The evil plan grew in my mind. My husband’s despair was before my eyes. In spite of being an overall good person, his life was wretched just because of paucity in virility. The mere thinking of my childless life made me sick. It was not acceptable. I was also desperate on the prospect of being called as a barren woman without my fault. I could foresee Prem’s visit as God’s blessing. I was in fix to make a decision.Prem’s visit was favourable to tide over my crisis. I could oversee the prospect of getting pregnant by Prem without his knowledge. Sleeping with Prem on necessity was not a big issue. I had already committed that sin.I consoled myself that there was no much wrong in sleeping with him again a few times for a good cause. I had confidence of manipulating Prem without his knowledge to my requirement. Only obstacle was to convince my husband. Advance permission was ruled out.All of a sudden getting pregnant and informing was not feasible. Not only would he be shocked, but also the chances for a forced abortion were not ruled out.
 
 
 Best way was to psychologically prepare him.   First, I needed him to accept my relationship with Prem. My husband’s mental turmoil and guilt feelings were evident for his poor performance. Once he would be comfortable to my extramarital relations out of his physiological compulsions, I would get pregnant and make Prem move out of my house. In proper time I would break the news to my Parents and in laws. Rest would be automatic. It would be painful for my husband, but he would accept eventually; I assured myself. He would be forced to accept. He loved me a lot. The truth would be known only by two of us. His predicament also would not be exposed. I was happy with my resolutions. Prem’s proposal appeared to be God’s gift in my difficult period. I accepted Prem’s stay with condition of vacating on very short notice citing reasons of probable visit of my in-laws’.Prem accepted my condition.
 
 
I completed micro planning. I started taking pill from the first day of my period.
 
 
“So, you started taking pill of your own?” Jaya intervened.
 
 
“No, actually I had consulted a doctor. This was the second time I was taking pill. Doctor advised for combination hormone type pill.  Timing of intake was not very strict for this particular type. I could take any time as per my convenience.  I could start any day within seven days of starting period. Once started, it should be continued.”
 
 
“So, you hid the pill strips in your hand bag, so that Manu does not discover.”
 
 
“I should have done. I had made a blunder here. My husband had never taken any medicine of his own. Whenever required, I only administered him all medicines. He was totally dependent on me. I stacked all the pill strips in our medicine box kept in cabinet of the hall. I was directly consuming one per day from the location itself. It never came to mind to hide as I never doubted my husband would discover.”
 
“So, when did you suspect your husband was keeping eye on your contraceptives?”
 
 
“I suspected on Thursday, day after Prem moved in. I was habituated of completing all household chores by myself. As such any disturbances in array arrangement could draw my attention. I did observe some displacements of my pills on Thursday morning while consuming my daily dose. I suspected my husband. I condemned self for lapses on my planning. Once I was discovered by him resuming pills, there was no return back. I could not hide it any more from him to increase his suspicion. I did never suspect Prem’s involvement. Even in due course, I had direct proof of my husband inspecting the pills in regular intervals, when I and Prem were both out. Prem was never in my list of suspicion. Actually, Prem had replaced my pills with drugs on Wednesday, the very next day of his arrival without my knowledge. That day he had come from office just after lunch time. “
 
 
“OK, I see. Continue from your micro planning.”
 
I planned to keep my husband sex starved while slowly increasing intimacy with Prem. Prem was a known womaniser and expected to grab the opportunity happily. My husband under psychological inferiority complex would accept my intimacy with Prem. I needed to take necessary care not to create suspicion in Prem’s mind.Contented with planning, I informed my husband 15 days prior to Prem’s visit. Prem would be staying for 4 to 5 months, I informed. My husband complained about privacy. I swiped off his concern stating that his noodle did not require privacy. He was embarrassed. His growing insecurity and jealousy were evident from his behaviour. He pondered my year books. I utilised the opportunity to add more fuel to his insecurity by acting unhappiness on his behaviour.To pacify me, he brought jasmine flower gajra which I preserved for next day. His behaviour was a clear indication of effectiveness of my planning. I was sure of reaching my target.
 
*****

[manasi]

Fantastic update
You seems to support Kavitha blindly by bringing justification for every action of her. Appreciate your writing.

I am not blindly justifying Kavita.

I am trying to justify the actions of all the characters as depicted by Manu in his narration. I need to logically prove the sequence of events with background scenarios.

Please bring out my illogical thinking in logical way after completion of chapter 34.

[manasi]

I am sorry Manasi - I had high hopes for you - It seems like I am listening to a Acadamia analyses. The enjoyment of the original story is gone here. You or the other auther NSEW1 just killed any joy in this story by extending it.

In Short

Too much analysis and mindless drivel and less enjoyment.

I can understand the reason for your disappointment. I am sorry to disappoint you. I had made my motive very clear in the beginning to find out the motive of Kavita. There should not be any ambiguity on this. Possibly, you have not read my first post.

It's not that I am writing this to woo you. What I want you to say that life is beyond lust & sex. Society, religion, ego, economy, family, revenge, greed, friendship, trust, blood relationship, health etc have contribution in life in varied proportions.

Many a times in this forum, I sincerely stated about characterization. If the story is not built on the theme on fantasy, character would behave naturally based on the stimuli either external or internal.

Saying so, like you or as a matter of fact like many, for the first time I read the story, I observed dubious character in Kavita and thought of it a fantasy one. Subsequent reading brought me to  realization of some strange tuning in her character and thought it could be near to real life. I tried to find her motive and present tribute is to justify the same.

Whatever statistical data on human sexuality or anatomy I have provided or going to include a few more are well established facts based on scientific studies and you can always confirm. I have studied the story with clinical detection and proposed a hypothetical scenario to match with narration of Manu. I don't claim that it is the only scenario to match Manu's narration. In future, many such scenario may come out to explain better convincing way. You also may find out a better one. In that event, I will look forward to listen to you.

In case you read this and get convinced to read further, I make a sincere request. Please don't make any assumptions on any character. I am not supporting any character. I am trying to redefine the characters in logical way within the scope of original narration. Allow the characters to play. At the end of chapter 34, revisit the original story, and clearly specify where you find it deviated in my hypothesis. I will look forward to find lacuna in my thinking process. There will be a time gap of a week before chapter 35 is published.

Here I would like to emphasize again, chapter 35 was written first.

So, read with open mind, without constraining it with lust and sex as the only motive of life.

Please visit for next update by tonight.

[manasi]

34.2
Kavita
 
 

In the morning of the day of Prem’s arrival, I visited parlour. I dressed in seductive way in light blue chiffon sari and low cut black sleeveless blouse. Sari tied below naval, red lipstick on lips and gajra on hair must have turned me into sex goddess. My husband’s expression suggested so. My both objectives, creating jealousy in him and seducing Prem were on fly simultaneously. In the station, sensing his growing insecurity, I handed him my ladies hand bag to carry while I took Prem’s travel bag. He was embarrassed. I felt happy seeing my plan working. Another opportunity came on the return journey from station. I took pillion seat of his bike under pretext of guidance. Bike ride was short duration but good enough for me to seduce Prem. He was waiting for entering into the house.
 
 
The moment we entered our apartment, Prem tried to kiss me.
 
 
I averted his kiss. Pushing him I scorned, “Behave like a man Prem. This is unwarranted. I’m someone’s wife”
 
“Come on Kavi, I was your boyfriend. How does it matter in simple innocuous friendly kiss?”
 
“It matters. I agree, you were my boyfriend, but now ex-boyfriend.”
 
“It’s all same. Boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, I find no difference.”
 
“There are a lot of difference between boyfriend and ex-boyfriend, Prem. One is present and the other is past. Its better you limit yourself as ex-boyfriend.”
 
“Does your husband know that I am your boyfriend?”
 
“Not boyfriend Prem, ex-boyfriend. No, he does not have this knowledge. I think, he may not be interested in knowing also.”
 
“Is there any chance to delete ex from ex-boyfriend.”
 
“Try your luck. “
 
“So, there are some chances, I presume.”
 
“May be. But behave like a man. Win me from my husband, if you have courage.”
 
Prem suddenly got energized and stepped forward to hold my hand. I got my hand released and scorned him again, “This is cowardice Prem. Try to win me from front, not from back. Spineless behaviour does not suit you.”
 
Prem resigned, “I don’t understand you, Kavi. One side you are giving hope to try my luck but other side you don’t want me to proceed. This is contradictory.”
 
“There is no contradiction. Try your luck in presence of my husband. But remember, you will be risking yourself to get vacated.”
 
“You are creating opportunities, so that you can slap me in presence of your husband. This is not fair, Kavi”
 
“Then, what is fair as per you, Prem? Do I have to allow your physical strength to beat me and my husband? I know, you maintain a good physic”
 
“You are incorrigible, Kavi. Nothing sort of like that. Only I seek your cooperation to seduce you.”
 
“My God! Very interesting, Prem. Can you elaborate this cooperation?”
 
“Yeah! To try my luck, I may touch you sometimes. Simple touches. You must be sporting.”
 
“Done! Simple touches only.But one condition. Once I object, may be by gesture or verbal, you must show restraint. Any undue lapses and be prepared for the worst.””
 
“Accepted. Now let me kiss you on our mutual agreement.”
 
“Sorry Prem, you have not earned that yet. I may reward you with a kiss depending on your performance on wooing me from my husband. Never try to do reverse.”
 
“You are hard nut to crack, Kavi. At least be considerate to give me some reward for being sober.”
 
“Are you considering any specific reward? I may consider your case, if eligible.
 
“You know my choice. No point of pestering you. At least, let me smell your Gajra from near proximity.”
 
“Impressive move Prem. I find good prospect in your luck. But sorry, not able to grant you privilege. Instead I will reward you with your wish differently which you may appreciate more.
 
I proceeded to Guest room. Prem followed me curiously.
 
“This is your room Prem for your stay in our house. Be comfortable.” Then I plucked some flower from my Gajra and placed them beside pillow. I giggled, “How do you like the reward? Hope, this will help you remember me whole night and keep your hopes alive.” And I moved to balcony to trace my husband’s arrival.
 
Prem was ecstatic, “Marvellous Kavi, you are incomparable. I could never think of a better reward. Now, I can smell you with jasmine even in my dreams.” Prem followed me to balcony continuing his praise. “Thank you for your generosity. Only drawback is it would fade away. Is there any possibility of replenishing it regularly?”
 
“Prayer granted. If I have access, you will get replacement.”
 
“May I help you to get rewarded regularly?”
 
“Sorry Prem, not acceptable. I accept Gajra only from my love, my husband.”
 
“Do you love your husband so much?”
 
“Do you think, I am staying with him since my marriage without loving him? I love him more than my life, Prem. What made you doubt on this?”
 
“Why do you then allow me to seduce you?
 
“May be, because of your fervent desire to be my boyfriend again or may be to ascertain your wooing skills. You continue trying your luck. But always remember, my love will never change irrespective of your success or failure.”
 
 
 
Things progressed as planned. I started towelling Prem after his morning workout session. I started teasing my husband to demoralise indicating my intimacy with Prem. Prem continued wooing me utilising every opportunity with simple touches. I continued rewarding Prem with jasmine flowers.Observing my husband’s growing insecurity. I was happy. I was happy with the progress of my plan working, except my growing tiredness.
 
 
Jaya Intervened, “Noticing your sudden tiredness, you could have consulted doctor.”
 
I presumed; the towelling work was making me tired. I was not habituated on such activities. Still, I consulted the doctor.
 
***
 
On Thursday, I noticeably sensed some discomfort in my body. Post lunch, I consulted the doctor who prescribed me contraceptive pills. I was taking the pills for the second time. On earlier occasion, I had consumed only for two months, immediately after my marriage.Possible side effects were not much known to me. On my complaint, doctor inquired about any change in my daily working schedule. I accepted my increased workload.She counseled me not be worried. She explained me details. The pills were hormone based and will change hormone level in my body to suppress ovulation, which normally occurs two weeks prior to onset of period. Pregnancy is avoided by postponing ovulation and stopping the sperms at cervix, not allowing travelling to fallopian tube. She attributed my discomforts to the change in hormone levels and assured of getting stabilized in few days. Over next week, on each passing day, my discomfort level increased. I was becoming hornier. I was craving for sex. I was looking for a release. I did try my best to arouse my husband repeatedly without any success. Prem’s touches were generating fire in my body. Still I had sufficient control protecting my resolve.
 
***
 
Then the first major incident happened which swept away all my plans and put our lives out of gear from which we could never re-bounce. It was Saturday of same week. My husband had half day. I went for a movie with Prem. When we were back around noon, we observed him in panicky, coming out of Prem’s room.  Visibly embarrassed he averted my questions.
 
 
Later we went out for a late lunch. On return, we retired in bed for a quick nap. He slept immediately, visibly tired. I could sense a strange discomfort in my body longing for sexual union. As the time passed, the restlessness increased. I could feel the accumulated moisture in my private. I was struggling with my lust. I consoled myself considering it as a temporary surge out of my long-suppressed sexuality. I did not know the reason of restlessness that time. Now, I know it was the effect of sex drug. Finally, I came out of my bedroom, and joined Prem in balcony for casual discussion.
 
 
Prem indicated, my husband was a sissy cuckold. I could not believe. I did not believe. There was no reason for me believe. I had seen him for four years. Not on a single instance I had found anything abnormal to suspect.
 
 
Prem was confident. “Manu will enjoy my advancement over you. Being a cuckold, he derives immense pleasure seeing his wife with an alpha man. Apparently, he may show some displeasure, which is not true reflection of his mind. He will never show any restraint to stop it. Once his initial inhibitions go, he will actively encourage you or even may participate also.”Then he continued, “Remember the 2nd day of my arrival. I lifted you in my arms. He did not object. The very next day, you were towelling me. I was in my underwear with a huge bulge. He pretended not having seen. Actually, he was enjoying.”
 
 
I did not agree to him but, could not object. I had already witnessed my husband not objecting Prem’s advancement. These revelations did not have much significance in my life. Prem would be leaving once my goal was reached. He was never going to interfere in my life. I avoided unnecessary altercation with him. I knew, he was stubborn and sometimes talked nonsense. Observing my silence Prem further stressed, “Cuckold is basically slave to his wife and her paramour. He will be ready to serve you and me. He will perform all duties as you desire. He will towel me in the morning, if you desire him to do it.”
 
 
I objected this time. I knew he was deadly against towelling Prem. I challenged him to make my husband agree towelling him. Prem accepted the challenge for a reward with a kiss on his dick. I rejected immediately. He did always fascine of my lips on his dick. Observing my resistance, he modified his proposal.He proposed for my lips laden with red lipstick above his underwear. He instigated me further stating that my love was hollow and I was afraid of discovering the truth as by knowing the truth I would desert my husband. My husband would never agree to towel. First, he did not like Prem and second, he was a late riser. He was against any sort of physical exercises.He was an idol of laziness, especially when it calls for early rising. Also I had belief on my love and myself. I did fell in his trap. I put condition that Prem would towel himself on losing. Prem agreed. I agreed to kiss with a barrier.
 
 
Jubilant, Prem announced, “I will win challenge.” Then he added carefully, “Manu is on the verge of transformation. He is suffering in fear of being exposed. His mind is filled with lot of doubt and anxiety. Naturally, he is skeptical about you and society. He needs little persuasion and encouragement. I can fill the gap as catalyst.”
 
“How?”
 
“Give me some space to talk to Manu personally, may be tomorrow morning after breakfast.”
 
 
Abruptly we had to curtail our discussion. My husband was calling me. We were so engrossed; we even forgot to switch on the light. He appeared on the doorway. It was an uncomfortable moment for me. Luckily, he did not question. Contrarily, he made some silly jokes. I could not enjoy his jokes.In aghast, I started thinking, Prem may be right. My husband may have cuckold tendencies. I actually had witnessed him staring at the hunks while staying at US. I should not have accepted his challenge.
 
 
***
 
Sunday morning, Prem had private discussion with my husband after breakfast, when I went for groceries.
 
 
I returned with groceries. What transpired between them I could not guess? I observed some changes in my husband. He was ready to help in every aspect spontaneously. While he was busy in shifting the bags to kitchen, I sat on sofa to catch some rest. Prem occupied my left. He placed his hand on my waist and whispered in low voice, “I have made some inroads to bring him out of his shell. But as I have pointed out, he needs encouragement from you. Your adverse behaviour can put him back into shell again.” My husband smiled while fetching the car key from me to collect remaining groceries from car. He did not object to Prem’s advancement. Prem’s theory started working in my brain.
 
 
Prem took liberty on my body. He put his hand over my shoulder and seeing my husband on the threshold of main door he did something unthinkable. He touched my right breast. He removed his hand on my objection but kept it on my shoulder. On return my husband must have observed Prem’s hand on my shoulder. I did not find any dissidence in his behaviour. Prem’s theory was reinforcing in my brain. Soon he retired to bed.
 
 
I was tired of physical and mental exhaustion. I had no energy left for cooking food.  I happily accepted Prem’s offer of outside lunch.During lunch Prem explained me the details of his morning discussion. “Manu is excited imagining me as your paramour. He desires to be a sissy cuckold. Out of shame, he is not able to accept. He also desires to see his wife in skimpy sexy dressing. Even, he had accepted his desire to see his wife with me. Actually, he did enjoy my fondling to his wife. He is ready for extending his service in all household activities. He will readily accept towelling work in the morning, though he may not accept his cuckold fantasy openly, in the beginning. When I proposed to gift him some sissy clothing, he was enthusiastic. But he was appeared deeply concerned about your attitude. Manu had actually requested me not to reveal the truth to you.”
 
Prem concluded the discussion, “I have promised Manu to keep it secret from you. Now it’s up to you to decide.” I was surprised in the development.
 
 
On the way back, I packed lunch for him. Back home he was in sound sleep. Feeling uncomfortable, I changed into sari to get a quick nap. Saturday afternoon repeated. Again, I could sense a strange discomfort in my body, adesire for sexual union. As the time passed, the restlessness increased. Again I sensed accumulation of moisture.Again, I consoled myself considering it as a temporary surge out of my long-suppressedsexuality.Again, I exited bedroom to join Prem in balcony for a discussion.
 
He encouraged me, “Ask Manu to towel me. I am confident, he will accept without any protest.”
 
My husband was having late lunch, when I asked him, "Prem tells me you offered to help me out in towelling him after his exercises."
 
He readily accepted without any hesitation, as described by Prem. Only a few days back, he did propose to send Prem to gym. He was even prepared to bear the cost. It appeared, I had lost the challenge to Prem. Later after dinner, he occupied single-seater sofa 'vacating' the double-seater sofa for us. Seating beside me Prem advanced further. He openly fondled my belly, my husband did not object. To ensure and clear the doubt, I asked him in our privacy in bed, “So what did you and Prem talk about?"
 
To my dismay, he informed that he had talked about his helping me in general around the house, not merely about that particular activity of towelling. Prem’s theory on my husband started corroborating in my brain.
 
***
 
Monday morning, my husband towelled Prem. I fulfilled my promise in the intervening period, when he went to bath. Afternoon, I received a call from Prem for helping him in purchases. He wanted to gift us as atoken of gratitude. After knowing my husband’s size, he straight way headed for women’s section. He started selecting women’s pyjama sets. Seeing me frowning, he clarified again what he had discussed with my husband on previous day.
 
Confidently he declared, “Manu will enjoy wearing sissy dress. He has confided his fantasy in me.  In the beginning, he may show some restraint out of shyness but ultimately he will adhere to sissy dress once his initial inhibition is over.”
 
Then he continued shopping for me. Again, I objected on his choice of dress. They were skimpy and revealing. Prem came out with explanation, “Manu had seen you in similar dresses in my album. He was praising your fashion consciousness. On my inquiry, he accepted his wanton desire to see you in similar dresses. Unfortunately, he does not have guts to ask you. Don’t you want him to be happy and fulfil his fantasies?”
 
I could remember the snaps Prem had taken in my college year. My dress was a bit courageously revealing but not skimpy. Objectionable snaps had been destroyed at my instance. Still I did not agree. Then he proposed to experiment. “Manu may not like you to wear these dresses in the beginning.  He may express his disliking. But, I know, he will immensely enjoy. Try these for a few times and if you find Manu is not appreciating, discard them.” I meekly accepted his offer. Overwhelmed, he selected two sets short length skirt and blouse combination.
 
 
Back home, Prem handed over the gifts to my husband. I was busy in kitchen and called him for help after sometime. He appeared in pyjama sets. It was bewildering my brain. It appeared; I had never known him. I forgot to make a comparison with my changed behaviour. It did not appear in my mind that, I also never behaved lewdly with other man in presence of my husband.
 
***
 
Next day Prem came early from office at a time when I was struggling with my renewed sexuality. He convinced me to go for a rehearsal with skirt blouse before display to my husband. Prem had seen me in similar dresses earlier in college life. There was nothing much to object in his proposal. Once I changed into skirt blouse, he profusely praised my beauty. In the name of adjustment, he made soft touches.  I was already under physical constraints. Sexual tensions were building inside me dangerously. I lost my mental resistance. Eventually, he started fondling me. I was getting aroused. I wetted my panties. I surrendered my body to him. He was touching, pinching, cupping me at all places. I was afraid he may forcefully take me to bed and make love. I concentrated on my resolve not to surrender. My excitement was building up dangerously. Just before my orgasm, he left me and went to his bedroom. I waited, but he did not come back. I was upset on my denial of orgasm.
 
 
Same night in privacy of our bedroom, my husband objected wearing sissy dress. I remembered Prem explaining about initial inhibitions. I told him to inform Prem and stop wearing. To my dismay and proving Prem correct, he continued wearing sissy dresses without further objection.  Slowly the theory of his wimpy cuckoldry was resetting in my memory.
 
***
 
Next day, after lunch, I was reeling under sexual tension, as usual like previous day. Prem called me from office to check my availability in house as he wanted to return back early citing reasons of headache and body pain.I offered a body massage. He asked me to change into mini skirt and flowering blouse for his oil massage. I accepted. He continued his fondling while I massaged him. Soon front knot of my blouse was unknotted. He was enjoying my breasts unhindered. His touches on my nipples were sending electric current in my body. Again, I was on the verge of orgasm. When bell rang, I ignored. Then my husband phoned informing that he was waiting outside.I was annoyed and embarrassed. I opened the door in shame in my abysmal seductive dress. To cover up, I informed Prem had come early for body pain. I was expecting a sharp slap. My embarrassment was not over. Prem shouted, "Kavi, are you coming?"  He did not protest. I looked at his eyes. He downed his eyes in apparent approval. I moved back to Prem’s room to continue massaging. Prem suggested that, my husband needs encouragement. Prem made me to call him to get replacement of some wormed oil and he obliged. Painfully I started accepting Prem’s theory. Prem continued touching me while praising my expertise in massaging in presence of my husband. He did not show any restraint.
 
 
Prem made next move.  “Kavi, allow me some time with Manu. He needs further encouragement. You go ahead to get non-veg for me from the Mughlai restaurant. In the meantime, I will discuss with Manu about his enjoyment and next steps. If he appreciates your present dressing, you change over to same again.”
 
 
After a short while, while giving tea to him, I vaguely tried to reason that Prem got cramp and I only suggested oil massage. He tried to pinch my belly.Was He aroused seeing me with Prem.? Most probably yes, Prem was right. My husband has cuckold tendencies, I concluded. I suggested for night, changed dress for getting non-veg for Prem. He was ready for help and I suggested him to make chapattis. When I was back from restaurant, he had shaved and dressed in pyjama blouse.I could not dis-agree with Prem. Prem was right.
 
 
Prem signalled me on his approval on my provocative dress. I changed into earlier dress while they were taking food. Later after dinner Prem fondled me right in front of him sitting in sofa. I was wetted to soak my panty. Prem asked me join him after removing Panty. I was in peak of my sexual tension. I was ready to anything to get a release. I joined Prem in sofa after removing my panty. He continued fondling me in front of Manu to wet my skirt. He was touching my privates. I lost all my resistances. He could have taken me to his bed. He could have copulated right on the sofa.  Bringing me at peak of excitement, he left for sleeping. He left me in my utter frustration. He was not giving me the sexual relief I needed at that hour. In bed my husband appreciated my dress. Prem was right. Prem had predicted that, he would appreciate my revealing dress. He would enjoy seeing me with Prem. Prem’s prediction was correct.
 
***
 
Next day Prem again came early, I changed into skirt blouse, he fondled me to excite to the peak. Then abruptly left me in the peak and went for Gowri. He had planned to deflower Gowri that night. He informed me about his late night return. I got jealous. He was constantly humiliating my womanhood. He had gone for deflowering another woman leaving me unsatisfied. I was feeling degraded, neglected.
 
 
I was excited and when in bed my husband initiated foreplay. I encouraged him. I badly needed release of my sexual tension. But he got off when Prem phoned me.
 
 
In night Prem returned and continued his insane activities to increase my frustration. He denied my orgasm. He refused release of my accumulated stress. The frustration within me was building up to abnormal level. I was collapsing internally.
 
***
 
Prem continued tormenting me on Friday also. He made me dressed in black mini skirt and red tank top. He fondled me to soak my panties. When I was looking forward for hard sex, he abruptly asked me to take bath and get ready for dinner outside. I was getting frustrated without sexual release. I was getting ready when my husband came back from office. Prem informed that dinner outside is cancelled and my husband will get the parcel. I became happy on the prospect of long due sexual release. I dressed back in black mini skirt and red tank top.
 
 
Prem continued exciting me sitting on sofa once my husband departed. We kept TV on. Prem did not initiate sex, rather continued fondling me to frustration. Again he brought me on the verge of orgasm and left. He walked back to his room. This time I followed him to his bedroom. I begged him for sex. I begged him to take me. Prem was happy. He fulfilled my desire. He penetrated me only after ensuring my husband’s return. He compelled me squealing loudly to be heard from outside. He ensured my submission to be known to my husband. He put down flame of my body. I cheated on my husband for the first time after marriage.
 
 
My physical stress got relieved increasing my mental tension. Prem forced me to dress in same skirt blouse without undergarments. I helped my husband to come inside. I lied to him about seeing movie. I knew, he knew my betrayal, but he did not speak. I wanted him to confront me.  I was giving him hints of my betrayal, he did not acknowledge.  Night in bed, he was aroused. He was excited by listening me copulating with Prem. His cuckoldry cemented in my brain. I relieve him by hand and tasted his seamen. He slept soon but I could not. My brazen adultery kept me awake for long time. I soaked bins for Saturday’s breakfast.
 
 
***
 
 
Morning he towelled Prem. He discovered my undergarments as testimony of Friday’s betrayal. Seeing him washing my undergarments in washing machine, I humiliated him and asked him to wash by hand. Still he pretended ignorance of my adultery. I was getting frustrated on his behaviour. His cuckoldry was becoming more evident. I made him to wash clothes and cook lunch while I proceeded with Prem for a movie. I was feeling sick in my mind.  Prem wanted to feel me in movie hall. I avoided his touch and decided to maintain safe distance from him henceforth.
 
 
My resolution to avoid Prem started fading very fast as time progressed. All my frustration speared to my husband. He was only responsible for my entire plight. If he had been a man, I could avoid my humiliation at the hand of Prem. Exhausted, I slept with full of bitterness in mind.
 
 
***
 
 
Sunday morning, I observed him shaved off his chaste and under arm hairs again. The bitterness of night amplified many folds. When Prem resumed fondling and groping me, I did not object. My husband remained a silent spectator. A sudden spear of revenge engulfed my mind. When Prem proposed for marketing more sissy dress, I accepted immediately. After lunch I asked my husband to clean the rooms and prepare dinner. We first went to movie. Prem took advantage of darkness, I objected. I could preserve my pride. In shopping mall, Prem purchased panty for my husband and sexy nighty for me. Prem wanted to dress me in skimpy semi-transparent thigh length sexy nighty. He did not care for my objections. By the time we reached home, I was feeling sorry for my husband. He was toiling hard in job and in house to make me happy. God has deprived him of sexual stamina and endowment. I had no right to punish him. Grief took over me again.
 
 
 
***
 
 
This grief helped me to control my physical captivation till Wednesday. On Tuesday evening he shaved his hairs on legs. His behaviour was perplexing me. One side he was objecting sissy dress but continuing the same. Other side he wanted Prem to leave but not objecting his advances. Then the Saturday incident mystery remained unsolved. Prem claimed my husband accepted his cuckoldry fantasies though he did not exhibit expressively. However, his apparent behaviours indicated Prem was right. Coupled with my agonising sexual desire, I was utterly frustrated.That night I applied ointment over Manus shaven skins and advised to shave after wetting the skin.
 
***
 
My physical uneasiness started building up day by day. On Wednesday, Prem went to Gowri straight after office hours. When he returned at night, I failed to resist his advances. I succumbed to my compelling desire of body heat. Prem ignited and then quenched fire of my body. I came back to my husband with maligned body and injured mind.
 
***
 
Next day also, Prem was to return in midnight after meeting Gowri. There was possibility for our union in the dead night. I was afraid of my husband discovering me.  I made another mistake. I mixed sleeping pill in tea for my husband. Prem forced me on his return. I again submitted to him. He could satisfy two women within a span of few hours. My husband was not able to perform even once in a week!
 
I was intervened by Jaya, “Henceforth, you continued mixing steeping pills with Manu’s beverages?”

I answered, “Nor every day, but very often. Whenever I observed him very frustrated, I continued mixing the same in his beverages till my shifting to Prem.”

She asked again, “At what time you were taking pills?”

“Normally I used to take after lunch.”

“OK, please continue.”
 
***
 
 
Friday also Prem was destined to visit Gowri after office hours. My physical uneasiness was growing up after lunch when my husband phoned. He desired to come back early. I asked him to come early. I changed into a sexy nighty to surprise him. On sound of calling bell, I opened the door to get surprised myself. Prem was standing. He grinned seeing me in seductive dress. Even before I could come out of my bewilderment, he closed the door and forced me to his bed. My husband was expected anytime. I did not want him face the embarrassment; I did not want me to face the embarrassment. He was aware of my sleeping with Prem on last Friday. Present situation was entirely different. I called him, I wanted him to come. My sleeping with Prem in present situation would send total wrong message. I could not do that.  Perplexed, I asked Prem to leave, I confessed about my husband’s early return.
 
 
I was not prepared for next. Prem grinned slyly. He messaged my husband for bringing non-veg from Mughlai restaurant. Then he opened his album to retrieve some photos.With a crooked smile, he chuckled, “Kavi, look at these. How about sending these photos to your parents and in-laws?” I remained speechless looking at the photos in horror. They were my college days snaps in scanty clothed with Prem. The photos I did believe were destroyed reappeared in his album magically.
 
 
He got up and hissed raucously, “If Manu comes before my arrival without my non-veg snacks, send him back.” He looked filthy at me and added after a pause, “Don’t change the dress. You are looking like a SEXY BITCH! I will be back in right time” and walked out of the flat slamming the main door behind.
 
 
Prem blackmailed me. He squandered me. He reduced me to asses. ‘What should I do now? Should I go to security officer and complain? I had no proof of his blackmailing. Seeing me approaching security officer, if he sends these photos to my parents and in-law? I will have no option left but to commit suicide. Oh! My God, what have I done? ‘
 
 
I immersed into all possible probable without any workable solutions. When my husband pressed the bell, I walked bewildered to open the door.I had to send him back to fetch non-veg for Prem. Heartbroken, dejected he exited and Prem returned jubilant. Prem continued feasting on my body. I heard the continuous ringing of doorbell announcing return of my husband. Prem did not stop. He did not give me respite. My intimidated mind accepted every order of Prem meekly. I was afraid of pride. I was afraid of my past getting exposed. I was afraid of society. I was afraid of my life. Prem started manipulating me to his carnal pleasure.I continued to submit myself helplessly under his paws.
 
 
 
 
That evening Prem sent me to kitchen before proceeding to let him in. I was afraid of him. I was afraid thinking he would turn violent throwing me out of house, or at least would slap me. Nothing of that sorts happened. What happened bewildered me further. I observed slavery of my husband. Prem had made him slave. He served food to Prem. Prem made him wait for his turn as a servant. Prem was now master of me as well as of my husband. The reason of my slavery was blatant blackmailing. What could be the reason of his slavery? Cuckoldry? I did not require wait too long to get my answer. Very shortly, the reasons of his slavery were clear to me, though it came in a hard way.
 
 
***

[manasi]

agree.......... but i think kavita is more guilty than prem



but she choose to resume her 1st and only illicit elation with prem........ 
she is speaking lie ...... about this affair will be short term and she will throw prem out of her life after conceiving her child
(or writer is manipulating for making her character acceptable  D:))

discussion is welcome on this comment of me..... from not only writer but co-readers also

waiting eagerly for the next part of this chapter

I would like to re-affirm one point crystal clear.

I am here not to defend any person on morality, humanity or anything else. For me Kavita, Manu, Prem and Gowri are all characters and we have behavioral knowledge of the characters by narration of Manu. I am only redefining all the characters again to logically prove what might have happened in the background without knowledge of Manu. I have taken shelter of apparent illusions in some cases. As you can experience in any magic show. Till you have knowledge of the trick behind, you consider it as true whatever you see or listen. Even you may remember the straight line picture I had uploaded earlier where all the lines seems to be bend on first view. I had to introduce a few minimum characters to get my analysis easier. It could have been in different way also. I found it easier in this way.  

I have no scope of manipulation as the narration of Manu is to be justified for each and every incidents. I have adopted human sexology & anatomy,  prevalent social  culture, advancement of science true to be updated at the time of the incidence happened. You may have seen me avoiding whatsapp for the same reason. Kavita could find a job easily as there was software boom at that time and Bangalore was main hub.

Majority of my home work would be clear by the end of chapter 34. Chapter 35 will be meaningful. In the meantime continue brain storming process.

Dr. Jaya will find out, if Kavita tells lie. There are distinct difference in Kavita's confessions with Dr. Preethi and with Dr. Jaya. Dr Preethi was unaware of anything whereas Dr Jaya is knowledged with Manu's narration and Kavita knows it.

Next update a few hours from now.

[manasi]

34.3
Kavita
 
 
 
Next day was Saturday and he had off. Prem asked me to send him out. He wanted sex. He was merciful. He could have taken me to his bed in presence of him. He took me to his bed immediately after I sent him out on pretext of purchasing eggs. This time he did not ring the bell on his return. He patiently waited for his master to complete his carnal enjoyment with his wife. He pressed the door bell only after ensuring that his wife had been well fucked and his master had been satisfied. Still, he pretended ignorance. He did not confront me.
 
 
I was getting frustrated on his behaviour and attitude. His wife was being bedded repeatedly in front of his eyes and he was indifferent! Could any MAN of this world having minimum self-respect tolerate such blatant adultery? I decided to give him a lesson; I decided to wake him up in hard way to accept the brutal reality. I asked him to hand wash all my seamen strained clothes while Prem continued fondling me right in front of his eyes. To rub salt on his pretended ignorance, I inspected his wash and specifically asked to clean the strains again. I wanted him to acknowledge my adultery. I wanted him to know my continual sleeping with Prem repeatedly. I saw tears in his eyes. He hung his head in shame. I understood my mistakes. He also could have similar compulsions like me. Was he also being blackmailed with the photos of my college days committed sins? Possibility of this was more viable. He loved me. He could do anything for me. Without realising compulsions, I had hunted him.I was feeling remorse. He was tired of physical and mental exhaustion, yet extended his help in my cooking. He was hopelessly in love with me. Even after knowing my brazen adultery, he did not desert me, he did not rebuke me, he did not confront me. I wanted to be with him after lunch. I was longing for his company. But I had to go. Prem had asked my company for a movie. I had no power to refuse him.
 
 
Prem enjoyed his time with his slave in the movie hall. I had to create proper access for my master to touch me, feel me properly in semi darkness. He was happy on his slave. He took his slave to mall to decorate her in new attires. He purchased her new body hugging and revealing garments. He wanted a display of his slave to the world. He concentrated on her undergarments this time. Push up bras and crotch less panties added in in shopping bags. My master was very happy. He took me to restaurant. I managed to parcel some food for my husband.
 
 
He did not eat properly. His frustration and dismay were clear. Did he hate me now?  I wanted to be on his side. But my master had other intention. He cringed to my body pushing me to his left as happened in movie hall and resumed his unfinished rough artwork from the point where he left in movie hall. Embarrassed, I tried to cover his hand with my sari pallu. My husband came for water and gone back to his bedroom. When I got permission to go to my bed, he was still awake. Guardedly, I asked him if he was Ok as he did not eat properly.
 
 
Finally, he came out of his shell.  He initiated confrontation. I was always confused of the reasons for him not confronting me. I was conjuring him in my mind as a person of lacking attachment. When he actually initiated confrontation, I realised how difficult it was to face confrontation. I put the blame on him of negligence and careless behaviour to his wife. I walked out of bedroom to avoid his confrontation. Prem was still sitting on the sofa. I asked him to move to a single seater and lied on the double seater. My husband followed me. He was profusely apologizing and requesting me to come back to bedroom. I refused. Prem asked him to go back. He did not budge and kept on requesting me. Prem pushed him by his shoulder indicating to go back.  He pushed Prem by force to stumble on his foot.  Then it happened. It was beyond my imagination.
 
 
Prem slapped him. My master slapped my husband in my presence.  I failed to perform duty of a wife. I was no longer his wife. I was a slave of my master. I did not protest. I could not protest. Prem captivated him on the floor. I continued observing haplessly not realising what was happening. I regained sense only when he croaked in pain. I made a meek request for his release. Prem granted my prayer. He released him. He got up and seeing Prem’s raised hand sprinted to his room. He rushed to his bedroom and closed from inside to save his life. He had been physically intimidated.
 
 
Prem was angry. His hands fisted in anger. He growled, “How he dares to touch me? Pushing Amir Ali?  He needs a good lesson to be taught. I will pull out his balls.”
 
 
Prem’s body was shivering. I was awestruck in surprise turn of the events. Horror struck me. I realised the severe consequences would follow. I got up in trembling leg. Prem needed to be pacified. I hugged him from behind and continued rubbing his chaste. I pleaded, “Forgive him Amir, He had made a mistake. He will realise his mistake. Cool down please. Don’t be so angry.”
 
 
Prem was a prudent egoistic man. He cherished to be called Amir in private. After a while he cooled down somewhat. He took me in his arms. He growled again, “You had seen Kavi, how dangerously he had pushed me. Tomorrow, I will take care of him.”
 
 
In order to pacify him more, I kissed him, deep on his lips. He melted slowly initiating fondling my breast. Then in a sudden jerk, he separated me from his body. He gestured me to kneel down while freeing HIM from confinement. I knew what he wanted. I had no options. Soon he became hard.  He lifted me to his room. He made me stand near the bed and gracefully undressed me savouring every part of my body inch by inch. He made me bend over the bed and legs wide open keeping my body weight on the bed. I was forced in that posture till his deposited load leaked out of me drop by drop pooling on the floor.
 
 
He fetched the blue, thigh length nighty from balcony for me to change. In his typical arrogant mood he said, ”Being the first offence, I will let him off. On repetition, I will take his balls out. Make him understand, Kavi.”
 
 
I assured him of Manu’s obedience and apology.He was not finished. He wanted more. Next, I discovered myself again on my knees working on his shaft. He had stamina. He was hard again to invade me. Soon he was on top on me in missionary position.Again, he deposited his load. Finally, my master was happy with successive invasion on my body. He completed my conversion to his bitch.My ordeal was over. Prem slept soon not before airing his demand for apology from my husband for pushing him at night to avoid creation of another Vipul, husband of Rachna. I went back to sofa exhausted with a task to be achieved. 
 
 
Presently, I could traverse on the incidents in cool mind.  The reason of his sissy dressing was clear to me. He had been forced into sissy dressing by Prem.  The very reason of his continuance with sissy dressing even after disliking was brute force. That Sunday, when I was out on groceries, Prem must have bullied him to submit and accept on his terms. Quite possible, he had threatened to pull out his balls. He was capable of doing that. He had done earlier at least once with Vipul, husband of Rachana.  Every action of my husband from sissy dressing to slavery following that Sunday was effectively out of fear.  I had misunderstood him. I had overlooked his sincere appeal of rejection. I had failed to assimilate Prem’s threat. I had accepted Prem’s theory of cuckoldry in my wanton desire to motherhood. I had assisted Prem to intimidate him to achieve my hidden goal without realising Prem’s threat. My life had changed. Our life had changed at my foolish paranoid composition. I could not trace any light of hope on our immediate relief. We were at the mercy of Prem all because of my foolish acts. I concentrated on my immediate task on making him agree to apologize to Prem.
 
 
***
 
 
In privacy of our room, in the morning I asked him to apologize to Prem. I tried to reason with him that Prem is a strong, proud, somewhat arrogant man and better to apologize.  He refused. I exerted psychological pressure on him. He was hopelessly in love with me. He did not desert me even after finding blatant adultery on my part. I was assured; he would not leave me on any conditions.Safely I put all blames on him for last night incidents. I falsely accused him of starting fight with Prem and so it was proper for him to apologize. Still, he did not agree.I thought of telling and cautioning him with Vipul’s story. Then decided for wait and watch. I knew, he would budge. I continued exerting mental pressure with coldness.  After lunch Prem took me out leaving him behind engaging him with the laundry works and cleaning off floor of Prem’s room. Prem had planned for movie followed by dinner. I was forced in push up bra and stretchable leggings & top gifted by Prem. They clung to my body outlining my body contour prominently. He objected my dress stating it was obscene. I knew it was obscene.  It was projecting me as a cheap whore. I had my limitations. I was terrified on Prem’s disliking. I made another huge blunder. I prominently put sindoor and mangalsutra visible, a sign of Hinndu married woman. Desperately, I wanted to prove that I was not a whore, but a married woman with my husband.
 
 
My husband was right. My obscene dressing attracted crowd everywhere we travelled. It started with our neighbour’s son, Arun. I disliked him for his lecherous behaviour and lewd comments. I reprimanded him once. Finding me in lasciviousdress, he took opportunity to get introduced with Prem with hidden agenda of cherishing my figure. Prem introduced himself as my boyfriend. Still I had some pride left in me. I corrected him as ex-boyfriend. Prem got irked and made me call back Arun. I was compelled to send Arun to our house for reminding my husband to clean the floor properly.
 
 
I was an object of lewd display. Prem continued cupping and pinching my ass in public enacting his authority. Lascivious grazing of public or my ardent pleading, nothing deterred him from his lewd acts. He enjoyed my shameful abasement in view of full public. I should have committed suicide that day itself. Prem continued fondling me inside hall; I felt it preferred than public graze. In the meantime, Manu melted. He was ready for apology.  He sent me a series of SMS depicting his total surrender.
 
Finally, he proposed, "I'll prepare dinner before you come, OK?"
 
Happily, I messaged, "OK."
 
I was immensely happy. No more obscene display.  By the time movie would end, darkness would prevail and we would directly go home skipping restaurant visit for dinner. He had saved me from my imminent disgrace. I was grateful to him. Prem planned otherwise. He wanted a display of his proud possession. He took me to his favourite Mughlai restaurant for non-veg parcel. I was again disgraced in full view of a section of perverted audience.
 
 
Earlier on the day my husband was concerned on my obscene dress. He was worried for lewd remarks of public. I defied him, "Don't worry about that, Manu. They won't make a pass when they see I'm with a MAN."

The person I claimed to be a MAN was in apathetic contemptuous mood of defaming me. On other side, the person I had never considered a MAN was worried for my pride and toiling hard to preserve my dignity. I had earlier considered sexual power and well endowment were synonyms with MAN. He was lacking of these traits, traits acquired by gift; He had no role to play. But he was superior on the traits cultivated by a person. He was a real MAN.
 
 
Back home, he apologized to Prem. My tension got over. Prem continued his vulgar display of cupping and pinching my ass in presence of him till I took leave for refreshing. By that time, it was clear to me of Prem’s intentions. My meek submission was not going to save me from public humiliation. When my husband went for bath, I cautioned Prem not to intimidate my husband in future and was ready to take the risk. I made him clear that I would risk my life for life of my husband.  I risked Prem’s threat of blackmailing and defied him. I maintained physical distance from him. I showered my love and affection to my husband in his presence.
 
 
In privacy of our room, I corrected my earlier statement. I praised Manu for his manly behaviour, "I was proud of you Manu. It takes a REAL MAN to say sorry when he knows he is wrong."
 
 
Though I defied Prem and cautioned him, I was in terror. I knew Prem’s character. It was clear to me that Prem enjoyed seeing him in feminine dress.  Prem enjoyed bedding his wife with his full knowledge. Prem was enjoying his debacle and fear.  It satisfied his ego. He would not harm him, till he remained submissive.  Prem was happy with his apology. Prem’s ego was satisfied. Vipul resurfaced in my memory. I did not want my husband face same condition. I encouraged him in sissy dressing while I continued searching for graceful exit from Prem’s clutch.                                 
 
 
***
 
 
I was wrong again in assessment of Prem’s character fully. I knew, he was an egoistic person. I failed to realise his egoism could be so cruel and gruesome. Next day was Monday, first working day of week. In the morning, I was in bed, when he progressed to Prem’s room for towelling.  Prem injured his left hand on flimsy ground. He was probably punished for not wearing sissy dress. My showering love & affection in his presence could be another reason.I got scared like dead. My submission was completed.
 
 
On way to hospital, Prem maligned me once more.  He pretended to leave if I desired, knowing very well that I could not take risk asking him to leave. He projected me a slut sleeping with him on my purpose. I had to digest this ignominious abetment on my character. My mistake was boomeranging on me.  Luckily, his hand injury was not grave. We were saved. I fabricated a story on his injury. I could not divulge the truth for the sake of my societal honour.
 
 
Back home, I had a tough time explaining him reasons for not letting Prem leave. I had to make lame excuses. He did not protest much. Most probably, he understood my limitations, my physical constraints. He was ashamed of his sexual power. He was ashamed for not able to satisfy me in bed. Prem’s torment had added another dimension to it. I wanted him to be proactive not to irk Prem.  Prem was a physically strong arrogant man in comparison with him. I was looking for his safety. I narrated him the real story of Prem involving Rachna and Vipul. My aim was not to terrorise him. I wanted him to safe guard himself avoiding provocation with Prem.  I allowed Prem more privileges over me to divert his attention from my husband. I started showering him with kisses at every opportunity. I wanted him to divert attention from my husband. I wanted him to be psychologically depressed not to raise any direct confrontation with Prem. I could not find a better way to tide over the situation.
 
 
In spite of my all efforts to isolate my husband, Prem found his way to bully him during my absence. Due to some strange reasons, Prem always avoided bullying him in my presence. He was afraid of me on something. I did not realise the real reason at that time. He was afraid of security officer. He was afraid of my knowledge on his past crime with Vipul. He was afraid of me approaching security officer complaining against him. I did not realise that at that time. I was afraid on my existence. I was terrified on his blackmailing.
 
 
Prem started exerting his authority in more prominent way. There was no question for my husband towelling him with his left arm casted. He wanted me fresh from tiredness in his bed. He arranged for gym for both of us. He found out a new way to display his prized trophy every morning. He fixed my duty to wake him up every morning with a blowjob. Once I had slapped him for the same! 
 
 
The template was for next two weeks routine, starting with Tuesday, the next day of my husband’s casting, with some variation remained similar. Every day, I would get up early and prepare Prem for gym. My husband would wait for our return after preparing coffee. I would give bath to him, dress up for office. Prem would drop him to office and on return journey would drop him a few blocks away from our house, a 10 minutes walking distance to purchase jasmine gajra. Prem would sexually torture me to quell, knowing very well my husband was waiting outside. Night in bed, I would manipulate him to be proactive, wearing sissy dressing, and not to lose hope.


Many times I requested Prem to stop this office return torture. I did propose to come to his bed at night, but he did not heed to my request.

 
As an exception, on Wednesday, Prem planned for more humiliation for my husband, he planned for creampie.  He forced me to feed my husband with his semen. I had to do it. For the first time I gave my head to my husband, while feeding him Prem’s load. He was excited, he was happy on my lips on his shaft.

 
 
On Friday Prem coerced me to a new level. He planned for a liquor party after dinner and my dress code also. He wanted to enjoy his woman with wine. He penetrated me right on sofa in the hall keeping my husband captivated in his room. I was not a regular drinker. Soon I had no clear sense of the proceedings. Vaguely I remembered, I had a satisfying orgasm. I learned in the middle of night that Prem had forced my husband to lick my semen flooded pussy.
 
 
Next day morning Prem claimed ownership of my body completely.  He threatened to pull out his balls in the event he touches the body owned by him. I remembered Vipul. I got frightened remembering Wednesday; I had given my head to my husband. I cautioned him again and again, "No matter how Prem might provoke you with words or actions, do NOT mention, suggest or discuss with him, what happened on Wednesday night, OK?"
 
 
We went for a movie together. I was dressed in sari. Prem continued to display his ownership in the movie hall. He continued fondling my breast right beside my husband. All my attempts went vain to stop his bizarre activity. Embarrassed and dejected, I sent my husband to fetch snacks & cool drinks. He was not returning. I got panicky and came out of hall in search of him. I located him speaking with a couple. I approached them. Heaven broke on my head. The couple was Manu’s college friends, Puja & Aslam. They recognized me of visiting previous week in obscene dress. They had observed his wife had been groped by another man in open. It did not end there. To complete my destruction, Prem joined. They correctly recognised Prem as the person accompanied me in movie hall. They did remember the vulgarity of Prem’s relentless grouping my ass in public. I wanted to die. I wanted to die on spot.
 
Puja & Aslam had permanent tattoos in their hands. Embarrassed in morbid shyness I diverted their attention on their tattoo.  
 
 
 
Our honour was at stake. We were fortunate that they were not very close to him. But it could have been different. I could have been traced by my friends, his close friends or even by his office colleagues. The very reason of my submission was proved to be suicidal. Back home, I charged Prem. I made him clear that, I was not part of his evil plan of blatant exposure of my body any more. He accepted on condition of my shifting to his room. I was not in a position to stop his sexual tortures. My husband was well aware of my regular sleeping with Prem. By shifting to his room, at least he would be spared from standing outside in humiliation. I agreed.

 
On Sunday morning, he fixed shifting day for forthcoming Saturday. He wanted his woman to be comfortable with him in bed. He handed me a phone no to fix appointment for Ac repair on Saturday. As a token of his ownership, he fixed tattoo with A.A on my midriff. He got the idea from tattoos of Puja & Aslam.
 
 
My husband did not take the tattoo lightly. On Monday morning, while bathing, he complained about tattoo with A.A. He thought it was synonym with Amir Ali. I pacified him. But he thought otherwise. He removed it that night. I got scared of Prem. I was proved correct. Prem bullied him next day morning keeping me at a bay.
 
 
He phoned me to inform of his decisions of removing cast immediately. I vehemently opposed and finally he agreed for Friday. On insistence, he revealed of his decision due to Prem. He had been bullied that morning and wanted to join gym to improve his strength to fight Prem. I sensed danger. I begged him to change his mind, "Don't be silly, Manu. You'll only be looking for a fight. Do join a gym, but do it after Prem leaves, OK? I don't want more fights. I'll talk to him, and make sure he doesn't start up an unprovoked fight with you, OK?"
 
 
I scolded Prem on his arrival that day evening as coward. I threatened him of booking him to security officer on another instance of bullying him. I made him clear that, I was ready to risk my honour due to leakages of my photos, to safeguard my husband. I denied him sex that evening. Prem surrendered to my threat but I failed to understand of his weakness. He cited of his jealousy of I being touched by other man other than him. He claimed ownership of my body. He promised not to touch my husband, once I shift to him.
 
 
Prem purchased me a yellow gorgeous sari and backless blouse for shifting ceremony. The repair crew were his friends and he wanted to introduce his prized woman to them. The instruction was clear. After bath she had to dress in that sari blouse flaunting her curves. She must be without any undergarments.He planned to take her to his bed in presence of her husband immediately on repair of Ac. Any violation may lead to disrobing in presence of crew members.
 
 
***
 
 
Friday, I reached my husband’s office to take him to hospital. He ignored all my calls. Did Prem inform him about my shifting to Prem’s room next day? Was it the reason for him to ignore my calls? I managed to get him near to his office. Soon it was evident that my anxiety was wrong. He had no idea of my planned shifting to Prem. I enjoyed a few hours with my husband after a long period keeping aside my mental hostility. I did realise what I was missing and would be missing in near future. Removal of casting was uneventful. Finding no deterioration, I got relieved. I was reminded of tough days were ahead in front of him.  His physical fitness was important to me. Doctor advised for rest for his hand for another two weeks.
 
 
Jaya intervened, “But how did you know the exact date and time of doctor’s appointment? Manu did not tell you.”
 
 
“Since Tuesday, the day Prem bullied him for removing my tattoo, he was avoiding me completely. He was not even looking at my face. Earlier, he was jolly during our shared bath in the morning. Since that day, he did not show any enthusiasm. In bed also his attitude was cold. I had my own problems. The forthcoming tremor pre-occupied my brain completely. I was on search for a suitable explanation for my shifting to Prem. I was scared to disturb his resolute. I could not ask him. I contacted the hospital for details.”
 
 
“I see. What happened then after?”
 
 
Back home, I indicated him to switch over to sissy dress again. His continuing to sissy dress would avoid confrontation with Prem. I did not want Prem to physically hurt him again. He was insisting for normal dress. I had to threaten him. I had to remind him again about Rachna-Vipul."I'm advising you in YOUR interest, Manu. I'd rather not see what happened to Vipul happen to you. And it could get worse, if you really want to get into physical fights with someone you KNOW is..."
 
 
That day evening Prem rehashed me of my duties on next day. He reminded me of dress code and introduction part. He was jovial of getting me in his bed for coming days every night.
 
 
Saturday morning I put my best efforts not to disappoint Prem. I took extra precaution to entertain his Ac repair crew friends as his woman. I was afraid of being disrobed in presence of them. He did not miss a single chance to show off my body in front of them by feeling and groping my breast and private part. He was eager to display his ownership to his friends. I made many vain attempts to restrict him finally surrendered to my fate. He appreciated me in between for my assets and efforts. He was cheerful on my submission. Once the repair was over, my husband went ahead to clear the bill. I was happy not being disrobed in presence of the Ac crew.
 
 
Prem led me to his room. He stopped me from closing the door. My begging fell into dump ears.  My disrobing started with my blouse. He unknotted the knots of strings on my back to fondle my free breasts from behind. I heard some footsteps. Apprehending my husband, I jumped to bed freeing myself from clutches of Prem.  Hurriedly I could cover my exposed back and face with sari pallu. I was wrong. The person was one of his friends re-appeared to collect some tools. It was a ploy. Prem did it deliberately to break all my spirits. I saw my husband standing on the threshold of door disbelieving.
 
 
Immediately on his exit, Prem picked me from bed and quickly disrobed me removing my sari – petticoat. I was placed on all fours, knees wide apart to match his erected tool. He lubricated his tool with mucus before entering me. I heard the closing of main door followed by some approaching footsteps. There could not be any mistake. My husband must be coming. Prem was pistoning in and out of me. Prem had bedded me earlier also in presence of him. But there was some barrier, a hell lot of difference from present situation.  In utter shame I buried my face in the bed. I fervently prayed for him not to come. I did not want him to witness. I did not want him to be disgraced along with me.
 
 
I did not see him coming. I felt the presence of him. Prem’s action on my body distinctly made me feel the difference. He was thrusting in and out with his all might gripping my hips tightly. I engulfed my screams within myself. I clogged my jaws forcefully not to accept defeat. He was causing me unbearable pain. He increased his thrust. He was pushing more and more into me on every thrust. I could not withstand any more. I accepted my defeat. I wailed in pain, "Aaaaaaaah...Aaaahhhhh...slower please, Amir....Aaaaaahhhh...." Prem completed the process of converting me as his sex slave. He completed the process of ultimate humiliation of my husband.
 
 
Prem continued his perverted pleasure. My body was under his control. I started thinking of next. I was not much conscious on Prem’s onslaught then after. I was worried for facing my husband and aftermath. Was there any justification for me to live? Live with all hatred of my husband. There was no question of love. No husband of this world could forgive his wife, leaving aside love. What were the options left with me? He can seek divorce and leave me for another wife. I had no place to go. Neither could I go back to my parents nor with Prem. Moving with Prem was equivalent to become his mistress, his personal whore. He would have sold me to flesh world. My mistakes had brought me to this situation. Ending life was easier. Committing suicide was the only option left for me. The immediate hurdle was to face my husband. Would I be able to live up my face to him?
 
 
And I could. Not only I did face him, I manipulated him, blamed him as an explanation for my bizarre behaviour. I blamed him for lack of attachment whereas; the flow of incidents demonstrated the lack of attachment on my part. I blamed him for keeping quiet for long three weeks from the time he was aware of my physical relationship with Prem. He did not protest. The truth was I did not allow him to confront me. The truth was Prem was tormenting him physically. I had knowledge about it before his hand injury. I could not protect him from Prem’s belligerent assault. The truth was I only forced him accept Prem’s staying with us against his willingness. The truth was I only allowed Prem to seduce me, take me to his bed. The truth was I concealed truth from him for purpose. The truth was I coerced him to fulfil my dream of attaining my motherhood.
 
 
I could do all above for my husband only. He only had given me the strength. He assured me of his love. I asked him, “do you hate me now, Manu?"

He countered, "YOU sleep with another man, Kavi. A man who bullies me all the time, and enjoys humiliating me. You join him and rub it in my face. And you're accusing ME of hating you?"

I asked, "So do you think I hate you, Manu?"

He countered again, "I don't know if you hate me, Kavi. But I know you despise me. You have no respect for me. And I don't think you love me."
 
 
I got my answer. He was hopelessly in love with me. In spite of so much humiliation, he could not stop but loving me. I was ensured that he won’t me leaving pushing me into hell. He decided my next course of action without him knowing. I could not die. I had to live for my husband. I had to surrender to Prem till I could find out a solution. It was my destiny. I could not tell him of my sufferings. I could not tell him that my sufferings were no way less than his. His sufferings were visible. My sufferings were invisible. His sufferings were known to me. My sufferings were confounded within me.
 
He questioned me about truth behind my sleeping with Prem before marriage. I accepted. He referred Prem as my boyfriend. Even at that crucial moment I got irked at his reference. I vehemently objected as "EX-BOYFRIEND!!! NOT BOYFRIEND!!!”  He continued stressing accepting me Prem as my boyfriend. Finally I surrendered from argument. I could only tell him, "Things are not necessarily what they look like."
 
 
 
That day I had to confuse him. I had to divert his attention from truth. His hiding of truth on ‘incidents of Saturday’ had pained me. It did not occur in my mind that, I had hid many things from him. I was selfishly thinking of facts he had hid from me. My behaviour was more bizarre than his. The mere thought of he can hid something from me was causing me pain. The fact that he did not believe me was acute concern for me. His hiding of facts had no connection of my shifting to Prem. I took it as an opportunity to camouflage his mind. I projected it indirectly as the reason of my shifting. I wanted his mind to be pre-occupied in that direction.
 
 
 
Inquisitively Jaya asked, “You did not clarify the boyfriend and Ex-boyfriend paradox. Your irritation was clear on mention of boyfriend. Can you elaborate?”
 
 
“I always considered boyfriend is the person with whom you share a romantic relationship. To whom you can trust and depend. To whom you can confer your distress and seek comfort. A boyfriend is a person who will never cheat on you, who will always be ready to help you for your goodness. Merely sexual relationship cannot elevate somebody to a level of boyfriend. I was not sharing any romantic relationship with Prem. I hardly spoke to him with my mind. I rather did not believe him. My association with him was merged with unswerving interests.  I was being blackmailed by him. He could not be my boyfriend. “
 
 
I took a long pause.
 
 
Jaya nonchalantly expressed, “Manu was tormented with your boyfriend concept. Anyway, continue from your shifting.”
 
 
That night I went to Prem’s bedroom for the first time to sleep in his bed. For quite some time in past I was sleeping with him. But this was different. For the first time I walked in front of my husband to occupy Prem’s bed as his sexual partner. I could not look at my husband. My every step was taking to my destruction. I was dying internally from ........”.
 
 
Jaya intervened, “I can understand your mental turmoil. Keep it aside and concentrate on events. I am more interested on the events rather than your psychological explanation.”
 
I shivered at her rudeness. She had nothing to do with my pain and mental agony.  Painfully I acknowledged, “Sorry Jaya for exasperation. Henceforth, I will concentrate more on the events. “
 
 
 
After a pause I continued. That night I slept like a log. I surrendered to my previous two sleepless nights.  Next day, Sunday, Prem took me to mall to purchase new dresses for morning workout session; t-shirt to reveal midriff. Next, he wanted me to fix a permanent tattoo. I rejected his proposal vehemently. Finally, he settled for a temporary one. We returned home in the evening. The first thing Prem enforced on me to fix tattoo in my midriff with his initials A.A in commiseration to his possession of my body.
 
***

[manasi]

Chapter 34.4 will be updated today and with this Kavita's confession will end.

5 more to come of this chapter 34, out of them last 3 parts essentially contain analysis. Some revelation of truth.

[manasi]

34.4
Kavita
 
 
 
 
 
My submission in Prem’s bedroom continued in expected lines. Prem wanted to make a live show of our love making. He purposefully kept the bedroom door opened. He never allowed me close the door in night during his sexual odyssey with me. My husband stopped all communications with me except bare necessary ones. Contrary to earlier days, Prem was returning late. He had no reasons to come back early. My husband avoided speaking to me in the in the evenings also when I was alone. He was isolating himself in his shell. I also could not garner courage to disturb him. I continued to submit while trying to find solution to my plight.
 
***
 
 
Next Saturday, Prem forced me to mall again after lunch and as usual he was groping my ass. Suddenly we met Gowri. I had no idea whether Gowri had seen him groping me. He was forced to introduce me with her. He claimed her to be his fiancé. Gowri inquired about my husband. Apparently, she did not like my shopping with Prem while my husband was away in office. I informed her of our plan of visiting mall all together next day.
 
Enthusiastically Gowri informed, “In that case I may meet him here tomorrow itself. I have a plan to visit this mall tomorrow.”
 
Immediately I invited her to our house, “Even if you miss tomorrow, you can always drop in my house.  I look forward for your visit.”
 
She readily accepted my invitation. Keeping Prem beyond ear distance she playfully whispered at my ear, “You are looking dashing in your tattoo. What this A.A stands for? Is it special nickname of your husband? ”
 
I whispered back, “They are initials of my parent’s.”
 
Forcing amusement in her voice, she said, “You are giving more importance to your parents than your husband. He may start waterloo!”
 
I assured her, “My husband is very understanding and he does not object.”
 
Most probably she did not believe. At least I guessed from her air of expression.
 
 
 
Next day we visited the mall again. My husband was with us.  Gowri did not turn up.
 
***
 
Four days passed, I got a call from my mother-in law. My husband had invited them for a visit. She was explaining her difficulties to make a visit. She informed that she would discuss with my father-in law and decide accordingly.
 
 
My brain stopped functioning. He had invited his parents, apparently to drive Prem out! Wrongfully, he construed my role in not letting Prem out. He could not be blamed.  I had only two options in the event of their visit. Either prevail upon Prem to vacate temporarily or commit suicide. I was at the mercy of Prem. I could visualise every prospect of Prem exposing me. Only alternative of committing suicide was looming over my mind. At any cost I had to stop visit of my in-laws. Desperately, I threatened my husband on his return from office.
 
 
I exerted mental pressure on him, “I'll move out, Manu. Wherever. I'll probably move into Prem's company guest house, I believe he has one. Otherwise back home to my parents. And if I have to go back to my parents, I won't ever come back."
 
 
I continued building my pressure, "YOU find a way to retract your invitation, Manu. Otherwise, I'll do one of the following two things: either I’ll leave, or I'll stay with Prem in the guest bedroom, your parents can stay with you in our bedroom, how about that?"
 
 
He did not commit anything. My threatening was impractical. Only practicality was my committing suicide. I denied sex and informed Prem about intending visit of my in-laws. I omitted my husband’s interference in the scenario and told him, “Prem, I received a call from my mother-in law. They are planning a visit shortly to check on Manu.”  I put the blame on Prem, “You only had brought this by injuring him.”
 
 
Prem accepted his mistake. He agreed to vacate temporarily. I was still afraid. There was every chance of my husband spilling out the bin. Even, neighbours were not safe specially, Arun. Best solution was  retracting the invitation by him. In the night I could not sleep. I tossed various possibilities of forcing him to agree on retraction. I knew his weakness over me. I remembered his maddening behaviour seeing tattoo with A.A letters on my body. I decided to strain on his weakness to win over him. I made another mistake in rush rather than waiting. Next morning, during workout, I arranged display of my college day’s photos from Prem's stock with A.A belly ring pendant. They included some close ups with Prem also. I was confident he would retract out of his apprehensive predicament of loosing me to Prem.
 
***
 
In the morning, on return from workout, I tried to assess the effects on photo album display.  No visual sign of his loss of composure increased my discomfiture.  I was impatiently waiting for a call from him on retraction. Soon after lunch I got a call, it was from my mother-in law. She phoned me to inform their inability to visit at this stage. I got relieved off my tension. I requested her to inform her son also about her decision. Next she switched over to her never ending nagging persuasion of grand children. Whatever relaxation I enjoyed over the news of their non-visit wiped out completely. All my annoyance finally directed to him. He was only to be responsible for all these. I wanted him to suffer for my plight. I wanted revenge on his coercing. I wanted him to witness the ugly display of me union with Prem in bed. That night, I arranged for bed lamp and first time actively participated in bed encouraging Prem. I wanted my husband to suffer. I wanted him to split in pain. I saw his silhouette in semi darkness. My mind went into total rampage. I moaned more imagining his pain than my pleasure. Finally it was over. His silhouette disappeared. I took my revenge. Satisfied mentally and physically, I looked back over the incidents. Grief took over me soon. He had been punished for my fault. Intentionally I punished him more which was avoidable. My fragile temperament had back treated my love.  Growing frustration was crushing me. Unable to resist my exasperation, stealthily I made a visit to him. He was sleeping peacefully. I wanted to be on his side, I wanted to cuddle him, I wanted him to understand that whatever he had observed was not true. I did not do anything. I was afraid of being discovered by Prem. I was afraid of Prem’s blackmailing could turn true. I returned back dejected, thinking it was over.
 
 
 
 
It was not over. Next day morning Prem forced me to wear more revealing dress for workout and pressurised me for the belly ring. I had only opened the forgotten chapter. I only had to be blamed. I tried to evade stating the pendant was not with me and piercing had closed. Prem insisted for fresh piercing and order for a new pendant. I had to agree. It was not end to my previous night’s fiasco. Prem forced me to keep the bed lamp on every night. He found a new weapon to disgrace my husband and display of his domination on me.
 
 
I went ahead with belly piercing. I was feeling an irresistible desire to meet my husband in privacy since my fiasco on last Friday.    I had to mollify his depression and improve his attachment. The pressure was mounting on me without any ray of hope in near vicinity. Finally, Thursday night opportunity opened up. Prem asked me to vacate on weekend for Gowri.
 
 
 
***
 
 
Gowri was to make a visit in our house on Friday. She would be spending the weekend with us. Prem asked me on Thursday night to shift to my husband’s room during weekends. One day I walked out of our bedroom with my luggage. This day, I could not return to our bedroom without his permission. In shameful trepidation, I called him for permission to spend weekend in his bed. He graciously accepted with a lot of concerns. He could have refused me. He did not. He was a gentleman. With heavy heart I shifted my all my luggage without leaving a trace.
 
 
My husband was worried about the future of Gowri. A man apparently lost his wife and uncertain of his own life was worried for another woman’s future. The evidence of true character of my husband made me dwarf. We made joint outing on Saturday and Sunday. Prem tried to touch me inappropriately on several times without notice of Gowri. Friday night I initiated sex with my husband but failed to excite him. Saturday night he wanted me physically. I could not as I had periods. I could not tell him my physical constraints, I was feeling shy. I could not come out of my upbringing taboo about period.    Finally, I managed giving him my head.
 
 
Gowri went back Monday morning. Prem returned early from office boiling with anger. My husband had SMSed Gowri against Prem’s caution. I could understand the psychology of him immediately. He was playing the role of saviour against Prem’s interest. My valiant try to pacify Prem failed. I got scared seeing Prem’s mood of punishing him. He was behaving like a mad creature. Prem assaulted him brutally on his arrival in my very presence. I meekly witnessed the physical torture helplessly. Finally, I offered my body to pacify Prem.  Prem rapped me. It was not new to be rapped by Prem. This time he was a wild animal. My ordeal continued for long time. Forcefully tightening my jaws, I managed to control my painful wail not to reach my husband. I had full of apathy for Prem. I continued my brain storming process on various possibilities. I was standing almost on a point of no return. Prem had rumbled my life. The worst scenario I could think of ending my life. I decided. It can’t be continued. He can’t be allowed to blackmail me lifelong and bully my husband.
 
 Once he finished, I spat on him and slapped across his face. He was taken aback. I quickly readied myself for going out. Prem got hold on me just before the main door. I slapped him again congratulating him for behaving like a coward. Scornfully I shrilled at him, “I tolerated everything for my husband and you bastard tortured him! I am going to security officer to confess my crime and report your part also. Go ahead, have your way to expose me. I no longer worried for my reputation.” Prem surrendered. His cowardiceness got exposed.  He accepted all his misbehaviour and promised not to repeat, leaving aside blackmailing. Rejecting his pleadings, I stepped forward.  It was my turn to be astonished. I never expected him to succumb by the name of security officer. He fell on my feet for mercy. I had no clear evidence against him to submit to security officer. Prem was also aware of it. Still he surrendered just on the prospect of my reaching security officer.
 
He was no more an arrogant person. Immediately I sensed something greatly wrong with him in the unlawful world. Prem continued to butter. He professed his sincere love towards me. He tried to explain in hardest way that whatever he had done were expression of his blind love. Blackmailing theory was nothing but a clever ploy to woe me. I spat and kicked him while roaring, “Marvellous job done Prem, congrats, though I don’t blame you alone for everything. It’s most unfortunate that I allowed a silly beast in our house. Get out of my house immediately.”
 
 Prem continued begging forgiveness. I continued thrashing him.  I spat on him again and again. Prem did not react except begging for mercy. He was begging for not to be thrown out of the house. He was begging for not informing Gowri anything. Prem was no longer a threat to me.  Though I did not buy his explanation, still I relented. I wanted to analyse and decide the correct steps. I scornfully informed, “I will decide your fate tomorrow. You go to your room. Be ready for consequences for any slip by you, even if that translates my own destruction. I hate you Prem.”
 
 
Once Prem went to his room, I could concrete. It was clear; I could throw Prem out any time. Whatever damage had been done to my husband could not be reversed. I could asses a clear chance of completing my original plan. At least, I could try to save him from exposure of being impotent. I went back to my original planning. Opportunity had been created again for harnessing my goal. Internally I concluded, “I will be most fertile during end of coming week. If God wants, I will be bestowed by that time. Safely I can ask Prem to leave by end of three weeks.”  He blackmailed me to achieve his goal. I decided to blackmail him to keep him under control. Same time I planned for creating evidence to keep him subdued.
 
 
Later, in the night I managed my husband to come out of his confinement for dinner. In bed that night, he asked me, if I had enjoyed sex after his brutal physical humiliation. I could not tell him the truth. I could not tell him that I was brutally rapped. I forced a smile to deceive him. He spat on me hatred. It broke my heart. I continued to accomplish my mission to gain control over his anger. I badly wanted him to remain camouflaged. I accused him for creating self imposed destruction and advised continuing with sissy dressing. Next three weeks were utmost important to me. I successfully diverted his mind to his wilful act of hide & seek game and subsequent to his acceptance of sissy dressing. The untold incidents of that Saturday were trump card for me for keeping his mental spirit subdued, while I continued planning for fulfilling my ultimate goal. I immediately stopped taking contraceptive pills, but continued to remove one pill everyday to create mask on my intention.
 
 
Next day morning I visited mall. This time I was selecting sissy dresses; more derogatory and humiliating. I called Prem after lunch. I forced him to save body hair and get photographed at different poses, a few of them was enacting as eunuch. He was vociferously denying masturbating poses in absolutely nakedness. I forced him to sag while clicking. He was tamed beyond imagination. He was worse than my husband.
 
 
Jaya intervened again, “Did you find any change in your physical or mental behaviour after stopping the pills?”
 
“Yes, within three to four days, strong sexual urge completely vanished. No longer was I finding any form of irresistible uneasiness and did find myself more energetic. I did not have any knowledge of sex drug at that time. I considered my physical change as the elimination of induced side effects of pills.”
 
“OK, please continue.”
 
My husband’s mental spirit and love were amazed. Following day, he was ready to confess. I postponed our discussion till Friday. I was buying time. On Thursday, Prem informed me about Gowri’s weekend visit again. Neither was he enthusiastic about her visit nor I. He confessed about Gowri’s growing doubt on our relationship. He confessed that he had already portrayed my husband as cuckold and we had to make a showcase. His vulnerability was evident. Gowri was alien to me and she could have been an accomplice to Prem. Completion of three weeks window was still within my reach. I decided to make a show off and keep an eye on Gowri.
 
 
Jaya intervened, “So you started believing Prem?”
 
 
“No, I did not. I never believed him from the day he blackmailed me. I was always under impression that he was scheming something. But he was no longer a threat to me. His circumspection about security officer was beyond doubt. I had already fixed my target.  I was ready to take the calculated risk to achieve my goal.”
 
 
***
 
 
As planned, on Friday evening I dressed in a single piece semi transparent revealing short nightly. I wore a body colour full body camisole below it. I called my husband early and wistfully manipulated him in sissy dressing again. He was totally ignorant of Gowri’s visit. After early dinner we spent time seeing TV. On sound of calling bell, I made him open the door. The atmosphere was perfect for Gowri’s perception. He in sissy dressing and I in seductive dressing created atmosphere of his sissy cuckoldry. I saw Gowri glancing at him stealthily. To convince her beyond doubt, I handed over the empty milk glasses to him for cleaning. I observed curious painful look in Gowri’s eyes. Inside bedroom, we role-played. The very next day, I made him to serve coffee in bed.  I engaged him in all sorts of household activities to prove his cuckoldry in the eyes of Gowri, while we went for outing. He was caught red-handed eavesdropping same night. I was fortunate; Gowri did not open up any discussion. She helped me to preserve my dignity.
 
Sunday late evening, my husband approached me in the intervening period when Prem accompanied Gowri to drop her to her accommodation. He was hesitant but optimistic. I saw tear drops in his eyes. I could asses my indictments wrongfully placed at him. I was feeling bad for him. He wanted to explain his cross dressing fantasy. I knew the reason of his initial sissy dressing and I could comfortably guess the very reason of his present sissy dressing. His explanation had no significance. I accused him again for lack of attachment for keeping quiet on my affairs for long three weeks. The truth was I had manipulated him. The truth was my submission to Prem was due my own trepidation. However I could not accept the same to him. I indicated for two more weeks to end the ordeal. He was not happy. He had to accept. I pretended my inability to control Prem. Vaguely I hinted him about my other concerns with Prem which, I could not divulge. I was concerned about my social status. I was concerned about my parents and in-laws. I was concerned about my pregnancy.
 
 
Monday after lunch Prem informed me about a snag of his motorcycle and wanted lift from my husband. He agreed on my request, however was sceptical of getting bullied. I assured him for not to be afraid. I did not observe any visible disturbance in his behaviour, when he returned in the evening. Later at night I inquired with Prem about his trip. “It was nothing but some courtesy talk”, Prem informed.
 
***
 
 
 
Days passed as routine. My husband maintained his stoic distance from me. I also could not find much moral right to keep in touch with him. Gowri announced her third visit in the weekend. It was definitely a mild blow to derail my planning. Gowri’s visit necessitated to repeat the previous week’s demonstration.
 
 
Gowri visited for the 3rd weekend in a row. Weekend passed more or less in similar fashion like the previous one. She informed me about her intending visit to Chennai on forthcoming weekend to discuss over marriage proposal. I congratulated her on her mission. In presence of Gowri, I informed Prem to vacate by next Sunday. He was not happy but had to accept. During conversing with Gowri, I casually asked her to be careful about Prem’s motorcycle. Seeing her interest, I ended up describing his motorcycle snag on last Monday and how I helped him getting lift. She took keen interest on such petty incident!
 
 
***
 
 
 
Friday morning, immediately after both men departed for work, I visited parlour. Gowri called me for urgent face to face personal discussion. She was not ready to discuss over telephone. I inquired, if it could wait till her return from Chennai. She was deemed to travel to Chennai that weekend. She insisted for immediate discussion.
 
 
I got frightened. Was it something related to my husband? Did he contact her again? Of late he was utterly frustrated and there were every reason for his frustrations. Quite possible, he had confided everything to Gowri.
 
 
In shaky voice I inquired, “Just give me some hints Gowri. Tension will kill me otherwise. I can postpone my present engagement, if required.”
 
 
Gowri answered in lighter voice, “Didi, finish your activities peacefully. Even I also cannot rush immediately leaving my office. ”
 
She did not clarify anything to clear my suspicion. This time I asked directly, “Anything related to my husband? Did he contact you?”
 
Gowri got the point. This time she was clear in her answer, “No Didi. He did not contact me. I want to discuss something related to my future and I demand your tension free attention.” After a pause she added with serious concern in her voice, “I am sure Prem is scheming something behind us. I have proof. I want to discuss with you in person.”
 
She suggested for evening on condition of shunting out Prem during our discussion. My mind veered to possible reasons for her anxiety. She was definitely hiding something. Prem figured in her discussion. Was she already aware of our secret relationship? Or it may be another trap by Prem to put me in fresh trouble? This unexpected development occupied my mind completely. It was a blow to my planned activities. My husband called me when I was least expecting it. I could observe loss of optimisms and nervousness in his voice. He was desperate on two weeks promise by me. He was apparently expecting Prem leaving by Friday itself. I wished I could inform him about my plan. Discussion with Gowri had put me back into my self-imposed shell again. I informed him about Sunday when Prem will be leaving. I asked him to show some patience. His discontentment was evident from his voice. Unable to continue conversation further, I abruptly hung my phone.
 
 
***
 
 
Rest of the time, my mind remained preoccupied with all possible outcomes. In the evening I was completely zoned out ignorant of return of my husband. I gained my senses only with phone call of Gowri. Presence of belly ring pendant evaporated from my mind.  I discovered my mistake only after Gowri pointed out.  I made an unfortunate display of my belly ring pendant to my husband in presence of others. The same belly ring pendant I had figured in Prem's album!
 
  Later in the evening, I had a discussion with Gowri, sending Prem out for getting dinner from restaurant. Gowri wanted my opinion on her decision to snap her relationship with Prem. She confessed, Prem had manipulated her projecting my husband as cuckold. She disclosed Prem’s evil intention to get me pregnant projecting my husband as cuckold. Motorcycle snag was falsely conspired by Prem to get access to my husband. Prem’s conspiracy put me in jeopardy. I regretted my decision of stopping pills. I prayed for my period to return by next weekend. During discussion, she relentlessly persuaded me to consult psychiatrist about my husband’s apparent cuckoldry. I had to agree. I could not afford Gowri knowing the truth. Gowri knowing truth would create only complexity in my already complicated life. Moreover, I was not ensured of her trustworthiness. Frightened of consequences, I resumed pills immediately. Frantically, I shifted pill strip to my handbag. I also removed the belly ring pendant to stack in my handbag.

***
 
After some initial hiccups on Saturday, I had detailed discussion with Dr. Preethi on Sunday. She found me sex drug addict. My contraceptive pills were adulterated. It was a shock for me. Prem had conspired everything behind me. I confessed virtually everything except my pregnancy related issues. She advised me to refrain from any kind of sexual activities not only physically but mentally also. She further stressed more on concentrating on my husband’s psychology and physical health rather than concentrating on gathering proof against Prem for punishment. She advised me not to approach security officer immediately as my husband could have been implicated in false cases. I had totally ignored this possibility as a novice. She drove her points in my brain that his well-being was the need of the hour and not Prem’s punishment. She also reinforced that the characters like Prem are basically coward and they would never publish the indiscriminating pictures they use for blackmailing as it could be a definitive proof of their crimes. I should not have any problem to drive him out. She scolded me for wearing the belly ring depicted with A.A, as it could send wrong message to my husband. He could be pushed to deep depression. She reinforced for early medical consultation of my husband. I discarded the pendant in hospital itself. Back home I was shocked at the decoration of Prem’s bedroom. The environment was clear reflection of Dr Preethi’s diagnosis. My husband was already locked in his room. Luckily, Prem was not available. We hurriedly restored back the bedroom to its previous state. I hid all the pills to a safe place in kitchen. I did not have any knowledge of Prem following us in clinic.
 
 
When Prem returned, I charged him for not vacating the house. He cited reasons of my absence and agreed to vacate on Monday after dropping Gowri to works.
 
***
 
On Monday morning I requested my husband for taking off for medical consultancy. He did not pay any attention. Finding his mobile switched off, I contacted his office to be informed that he was in seminar.  Evening Gowri informed that, Prem had been thrashed by his colleague in his office for showing decency against her in public place. When Prem was back in night, I took the first opportunity to ask him to leave next day morning. My husband returned late visibly tired but composed. By the time I joined him in bed, he slept. I remained awake for long thinking about Dr Preethi’s cautionary advices and possible consequences.
 
 
 
By the time I got up next morning, my husband was leaving for office. He was leaving earlier than his usual timings. I presumed it as the time compensation for previous day seminar.  Soon after, Prem vacated leaving his mobile and albums. I held them in reserve as possible testimony of his crime. My husband’s phone was not reachable like previous day.  After lunchtime, I got information of his resignation when I contacted his office. I got scared. It was night 10 pm and he did not came back. Perplexed, I informed Gowri and she indicated of visiting me at the earliest. For God’s grace he returned in the night. I informed him about Prem’s eviction and when I was about to follow him to bedroom, calling bell sounded. Presuming Gowri, I opened the door. Prem re-surfaced.  My husband misinterpreted and locked himself in the bedroom. Prem was begging for night stay citing reason of his tenant’s refusal on prejudice to inauspicious date. I forced him to go out and closed the door.
 
 
I spend the night on sofa drooling. Next day before dawn, may be midnight, after my husband departed, Prem rapped me brutally. He was hiding outside apartment. He was taking revenge on me. His original plan was to reduce me to a drug addicted sex slave for his narcotics business. Finding me consulting psychiatrist, he was afraid of getting exposed. He re-planned to kill me and falsely implicate my husband. He was boasting his plan in details during my ordeal. He was taking revenge of his humiliation of farewell party in college days. Finding right opportunity, I pounded his testicles and could escape narrowly. Before losing my sense, I could successfully latch him in our bedroom. Subsequently he was arrested. I regained sense to find me in hospital.
 
 
***
 
Gowri shifted to our house. My husband was not traceable. He vanished not only from my life but also from my known world. I had no clue about him. I started avoiding phone calls from my parents and in-laws. I had no courage to answer their calls.
 
 
Two more incidents shook me entirely.
 
The first one was my parents. They came to know about my sexual violation and the reasons. I was not sure about the source of their information. They denied all relationship with me. Righteously, they preferred my death!
 
The other one was my in-laws. They visited Bangalore to beg me for the life of their son. They should have loathed me, thrashed me. I deserved that kind of treatment. Instead, they begged to me. I could not utter a single word.
 
 
Free time was unbearable. I took up a job to make my living. I badly needed it not only for money, but also for relieving tension. External occupation made my life simpler. At least I could get some relief from my agony. I was confident my husband would come back some day. He would give me a chance to confess my crime. I was looking ahead for his return.
 
 
***
 
 
 
 
 
Finally, he returned. He returned along with you crushing my all hopes. I could not get access to him under your protection. He was not giving any attention to me. I could not find traces of my husband known to me for four years in present Manu. One side his refusal to recognise me and on the other side your jovial attachment had all effect in my mind. I became jealous on you. You were snatching my life, my rights. I hated you. I got infuriated on him. Even after knowing my terrible plight, he was inflicting pain. I construed his actions were deliberate to humiliate me. I presumed it as his revengeful actions. I could not blame him totally either. I had my share of irresponsibilities. Circumstantial evidence indicated his presence in my room at dead of night. I found a ray of light of uniting with my husband. I desperately, decided to initiate discussion with my husband. I did not get my chance. You both suddenly disappeared. My suspicion grew strong on his revengeful attitude, more so on you.
 
 
***
 
 
Same weekend, by coincidence, I discovered all money withdrawn from our joint account. It followed with revelations that our house deed gone missing along with all his credentials. Gowri confessed me about your acquaintance with her fortnight ago and retrieving all information about me. I construed it as an act of treachery by my husband. Your acquaintance with him was fresh in my memory. I got irked beyond imagination. I was devastated by the blatant attack. It shook me on my very existence. Unfortunately, immediate aftermath, he visited for confession. My hapless mind took everything in negative. I was agitated beyond control. I refused to listen and blamed him squarely as a conspirator. I misbehaved with him. I blamed him for my life debacles. He tried his best to pacify me. Finally, dejected on my irresponsible filthy attitude, he asked for hatred. I failed to control my despair. I forced him to resign again. I submitted to my destitute. I spat on him.
 
 
By the time, we got credentials of his transparency; I was ruined of everything. I was ruined of my love; I was ruined of my life.  Unable to bear mental trance, I got disintegrated into pieces, I attempted suicide. I did not die. Death evaded me again. Gowri saved me. My punishment was due.
 
 
***

[manasi]

Oh Man if you have written every episode then please post at one go. It's like you being Prem to my mind....

It's true, I have completed my writing part.

Do you think you will enjoy more if I upload at one go?

Be honest with yourself.

[manasi]

WHEN KAVITA'S MOTHER-IN-LAW TALKED ABOUT GRANDCHILDREN KAVITA GOT ANGRY & HAS ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE WITH PREM  KNOWING HER HUSBAND IS WATCHING SHE MOAN LOUD I MEAN WHAT KIND OF WIFE SHE IS PREM BLACKMAILED HER BULLY HER HUSBAND


MAY BE KAVITA IS INFERTILE

HINTS
1=FIRST SEX AFTER PREM ARRIVAL SHE WANT TO GET
   PREGNENT SO NO PROGECTION HAPPEN 6-7 MONTH
    BEFORE
2=PREM banged HER AFTER MANU'S DEPARTURE 4-5 MONTH
   AGO (in both cases or whole story there is no condom)
3=KAVITA'S MOTHER PROBLEM ABOUT PREGNENCY
  (GENETICS)



JJS

I appreciate your efforts of de-coding.

I have passed through this at much depth.

[manasi]

Hi Manasi,

You are doing great job here. 

Finally Kavita POV completed. Here in Kavita POV everything matching with Manu POV. You didn't miss anything. 

In Kavita POV her mind and her actions are not matching. 

Possibly, I have made some serious errors in representing Kavita in her mind and her actions post debacle of Prem.

It will be of immense help to me to understand my mistakes with your analysis. Please elaborate her mind and actions mismatch with precise examples as appeared in her confessions. Please try to be elaborative. It will be a great opportunity for me to look back and search for probable flaws. I may not interact immediately, but promise to join in interactive discussion in January 2021. I sincerely hope not to be disappointed.


In the meantime, I will continue with my next update 34.5 sometime tonight.

[manasi]

34.5
Kavita
 
 
 
Jaya was immersed into deep thought.  I decided not to disturb her.  After a long she lifted her face.
 
She apologized, “I am sorry. It’s unfortunate; you had to face barbaric sexual violation. Autocracies against women are most condemnable crime in the society. My sympathy is with you. “
 
After sometime she murmured, “I mostly like to agree with your confession. Still I need confirmation from other stakeholders. If you are correct, I may reconsider.”

She inquired further, “Let me get further clarified. You claim, you allowed Prem to seduce you to attain motherhood. Even accepting Prem’s blackmailing, you could have continued your plan to achieve target. Your husband had already accepted your liaison. You could have stopped taking pills. “
 
I whispered, “I could not. My plan was conceiving without my husband and Prem’s knowledge. Under extortion of Prem, my original plan evaporated. I concentrated on various options of nullifying Prem’s threat. I concentrated more on pills not to get pregnant. I was also concerned on my unexplained sexual urges.”
 
“Once you could successfully nullify Prem’s threat, you claim you adopted your original plan. You were sure of Prem’s eviction and your husband’s submission. Am I correct?”
 
I whispered, “Yes.”
 
You also claim that, “Your husband accepted sissy dress and cuckoldry under threat from your boyfriend and due to sheer love for you.  He does not have any mental disorder. Correct?”

I nodded my head in affirmative, “Yes.”
 
“So you knew about blind love of your husband. In spite of that, you inflicted pain to him. Nobody causes pain to loved ones, but you did. So, you didn’t love your husband. Correct?”
 
I opposed vociferously, “No, believe me. I love him.”
 
She retorted, “Don’t lie. Accept the truth. Accept that you didn’t love him.”
 
I resigned. I sobbed, “I know I love him. I can't prove. If you think so, let it be so. I know from my heart that I love him. I love him, love him, love him.”

 
After some pause, she said seriously, “I think, you did not divulge everything.”
 
I pleaded, “Believe me I have told you everything truthfully.”
 
She sneered, “I did not say that you have bluntly lied. That Friday, Gowri’s revelation had forced you change your plan. You did not elaborate that part. What actually had you planned for weekend, Kavita?”
 
 
I briefly lifted my pale face to put down again. It was another shameful act on my part. The inexcusable, ignominious truth was before me. I could not pronounce my shameful planning.
 
 
Jaya waited for long, and then authoritatively she said. “I can understand your dilemma. Let me tell you about your planning.  Once Prem was trapped, you decided to continue fulfilling your aim of getting pregnant. Definitely, Prem also started behaving nicely with you. You forgot everything. You forgot his loathsome inhuman behaviour on your husband. You developed a soft corner for him. You wanted to reward him. You planned for a gallant send off party for father of your child. You visited parlour to decorate your body. You adorned your belly with belly ring pendant for Prem’s enjoyment. Gowri’s phone call was a setback for you. Still, you were banking on Saturday night for celebration. You continued your body beautification. You wanted to present your hairless, scented body to your boyfriend to be taken for his appreciation and enjoyment. You had decided to be his mistress for the night. Am I right Kavita?”
 
 
She was not right. My main target was my husband. I wanted to woo him. I wanted to win my husband displaying my body. I was afraid of his rejection; I was scared of his loathsome. I wanted to seduce my husband! It was too shameful to accept. I could not protest vociferously. My face further went down in shame. I simply continued nodding my head in negative, vehemently, and meekly uttered, “It’s not true.”
 
She ignored my protest, “How do you call this type of women in society Kavita?”
 
I became red in humiliation. She could not be blamed for her admonishment. I deserved it. I murmured, “Pronounce all the filthy words of the world. Slap me, thrash me, do whatever you like. Just allow me once to meet him.”
 
She continued from where she stopped, “A concubine, a prostitute. A whore Kavita! Unfortunately, your present plan failed.  Most probably, you had planned to meet Prem again, again and again. Your adultery with Prem would have continued in future also unabated.”
 
I protested. “No, Jaya no. It’s not true. I had truthfully decided to end our affair. Believe me. I never wanted to meet him again.”
 
 
Scathingly she replied, “Just keep your filthy mouth shut. Even the prostitutes are better than you. You are worse than the road side whores. They sell their body for livelihood. They decorate their body to attract clients. They don’t cheat anybody.  And what did you do?  You decorated your body willingly for the person who tormented your husband. Isn’t it Kavita?”
 
 
This time I could not keep mum. I protested, “I did not visit parlour for Prem. I did plan to spend night with my husband to explain him about truth of A.A and prevail upon him to accept that Prem did not vacate our house because he did not ask Prem to do so. I wanted him to ask Prem to leave. I wanted Prem to vacate as soon as my husband asks him to do so. It was necessary for me to boost my husband’s dignity and make him believe that he was actually head of family. “
 
 
 
Jaya retorted, “Do you want me to believe your story?  It’s shame on you, Kavita. You are nothing but a cheater. You not only cheated your husband; you cheated his parents also. What mistakes have they done to get you married with their son? Still you claim of love!”
 
 
 
“A mother knows who the father of her child is. A man blindly believes his woman with regard to his children. He works hard forgetting his comfort and luxury for future of his children. He never doubts his woman to betray him. He never thinks of his woman to cheat him with his child. This blind belief keeps the bonding intact for a man and his wife. Manu tolerated all humiliations and physical tortures. He was ready to expunge your adultery. But he could not accept the possibilities of his wife getting pregnant by somebody other than himself.  He kept a vigil on your pills. He decided to leave the moment he confirmed your evil plan.  There cannot be a greater betrayal in life of a man when his woman conceives with somebody’s child and fools him with blatant lies. You did the same Kavita! Do you think you have any moral right to face your husband?
 
 
I put my face further down. I did not answer. There was nothing I could speak. She was right. I was a shameless filthy cheater.
 
She pondered, “By the way, you could have opted for artificial insemination. Did you not think about it?”

I stammered, “I did think. But the pathetic life of my husband was before me. I had seen him for years yawning in pain. By hereditary, his blood would carry same physic, same physical endurance. I disliked seeing my children facing the same problem. Knowing future, it was not acceptable for me to put the lives of my children into shambles.”
 
After  sometime she murmured, “Considering  you and your husband both have divulged truth at appropriate level, do you know what happened on that frightful Saturday you found Manu exiting Prem’s bedroom after you returned from movie?”
 
 
I stared at her.
 
 
“Manu was curious about your past relationship with Prem. You never disclosed your past. Out of modesty, he also could not ask you directly. He scooped in your diary to get some hints. You showed him your displeasures. You remained elusive. You were showing physical intimacy with Prem. Manu was getting frustrated out of insecurity. He was afraid of losing you to Prem. Finding opportunity; he snooped around Prem’s trunk. He discovered you with Prem in Prem’s photo album. Your past partially opened to him. He was devastated. He concluded your hidden agenda of leaving him for Prem. Whatever may be the reasons; you had withdrawn sex to Manu. He concluded that you never loved him. You were just waiting for a chance. The overall frustration took over his senses. His stress level was alarmingly high. He made a great mistake. In a bid to overcome his stress, he masturbated on the spot.”
 
 
“Next day Prem thrashed Manu physically for snooping around his personal belongings. He confirmed your physical relationship with him earlier. Manu could neither agree nor disagree. He threatened to pull out his testicles. He blackmailed him of informing you about his snooping around and his pervert act of masturbation seeing his wife with another man in photo album. This was not perversion. It was an act of emotional outburst.  However, Manu was afraid like anything. He was already concerned of losing you to Prem. He was captivated in his apprehension. Prem continued physically abusing and blackmailing Manu on revealing his masturbation act to you. Manu was certain that you would leave him forever knowing the truth. In spite of your continual inquiry, he could never come out of his foreboding wince. Prem continued bullying him, coerced him in his favour. One side you continued displaying physical intimacy with Prem and other side Prem’s intimidation. While you were pressuring him psychologically, Prem was exerting physical and psychological pressure. Added to his misery were feminine drugs he was subjected. Manu could not survive this three-pronged attack.  He was losing his manliness; he was losing his erection. He could not tell you the truth. He continued suppressing his other feelings just to keep you happy. He accepted all humiliations with grace in order not to lose you. He expressed his dire state of affairs to you many times only to be intimidated further. He surrendered to his inevitable.”
 
 
I was pained and shocked. The truth I was searching for was finally cropped up before me. I could not withhold my bewilderment, “I asked him repeatedly on regular intervals. Why could not he tell me such innocuous action? It was a simple biological activity.”
 
“He could not. He was possessed in his predicament. He was possessed in his upbringing.”
 
I looked at her disapprovingly. Jaya must have sensed my body language in near darkness, “Answer me Kavita. During your temporary shifting to Manu on weekend, Manu was looking for sex. You averted, as you were in periods. You did not reveal the truth. You could not tell your husband that you were in periods. It happens. It is in our mind. It is a taboo word courtesy to our societal upbringing.”
 
 
She was right. Till date I played hide and seek with my periods. I always avoided discussion on my periods. During my entire marital life, I never directly acknowledged about my periods to Manu. I always referred it as temporary un-wellness though it was a vital biological phenomenon of every woman. Even, I never allowed him to purchase my sanitary napkins. Always I procured them myself.
 
 
 
Jaya continued in assurance, “Don’t unnecessarily torture your mind much over it. His accepting the truth could hardly make any substantial changes in subsequent events. You were on your mission. Prem was on his mission. Prem would have planned differently. He had perfectly planned to trap you exploiting your weakness. Manu truly understood your state of affairs. He correctly presumed your slavery. Only he failed to understand the exact reasons. He put the blame on himself for your sexual addiction. He considered his lack of sexual power and consequent to your physical un-satisfaction was the only reason for your adultery. He sincerely believed, one day you would be able to come out of your slavery and reunite with him.”
 
“Do you remember Kavita, about your commitment on the day you shifted to Prem’s bedroom? You said like this.”
 
"We both have things to think about, Manu. We both need to reflect on things. I don't know which of us is wrong, now. Manu, you say you have nothing to hide that could have a bearing on my actions, right? If that is indeed the case, Manu, I will admit that it will mean I have made a serious mistake. And I need to reflect on what I need to do, to correct the consequences of my mistake. You, Manu, need to reflect on why you kept quiet for so long, and figure out if my feeling that you don't have any attachment over me is unjustified. And if my feeling is justified, what corrective action would you need to take. And if my feeling is unjustified, what is the TRUE reason that you kept quiet for so long."
 
Jaya was weeping. Yes, she was weeping.
 
I heard her broken voice partially choked, “Yes, Manu had concealed his grave mistakes. Now you know the reasons for his keeping mum for so long. You are in better positions to judge on his attachment over you. If you accept Manu’s attachment, Kavita, can you please reflect on your actions to correct the consequences of your mistakes?”
 
I had no answer.
 
“Kavita, please answer. Manu wants to know his fault. Manu deserves clarification, how hiding this simple incident could lead to your brazen adultery.”
 
In choked voice I quavered, “I never doubted his attachment. I punished him for his no fault. I could not disclose my quandary state of affairs as I was afraid, he would leave me once the truth was known. I deluded him to save my social status. I was well aware of his abatement. I risked his life to save my life.” After a pregnant pause, I completed grief stricken, “Only other option left for me was committing suicide.”
 
 
She teased, “So, you accept your mistakes. Then, how do you reflect on your actions to correct the consequences of your mistakes?”
 
 
I pleaded with her, “I can’t redo my mistakes. I can only pray for his good health and happy life. I don’t deserve him anymore. He deserves best in this world; He will be happy with you. Just allow me to meet him once. Please allow me to confess my crime. I will go away for good never to disturb you again.”
 
“OK, say I approve your meeting with Manu. Look at yourself and tell me, can you face him? Ask your consciousness, can you show your ugly face to him? Can you stand near him with your filthy body?”
 
I pleaded in broken unsteady teary voice, “I know, there cannot be any excuse of my offence. I wanted to die, but could not. Meeting him will be difficult, but I have to. My punishment would not be completed without meeting him. Please allow me once, Jaya, Please. Please allow me confess my crime and seek forgiveness. Just once, allow me seeing his face, for the last time.” I continued weeping.
 
 
Jaya ignored my pleading. She continued in plaintive tone. “That day Manu reached your house to confess. He had no knowledge of your present life status. Even today, he has no knowledge about it. He was certain of your continuing relationship with Prem. He was certain of your marriage and pregnancy. Presently you are not pregnant by chance. You could have been pregnant, if your planned worked. What would you have done Kavita? Abort?”
 
I had no answer. Jaya did not wait for my answer.
 
“Manu was correct in his predicament. He wanted to give you freedom from wedlock, so that you can lead a respectful life. He wanted you to get married to Prem and give your child legitimate social respect. At the same time, he wanted to make you economically independent. Your happiness was his only concern to visit you. In return, you rewarded him with loathsomeness. He deserved it because he loved you. “
 
In broken heart, I sobbed, “I have confessed with you everything. Now, you know he is not at fault. He is not suffering from any mental disorders. You punish me for his mistake. My only request is allow me once to meet him.”
 
Jaya’s tone became critical. “Considering your confession, you don’t have any morality. I don’t find any logical reasons to approve your meeting with Manu. He has already forgiven you. His entire earnings and properties are with you.Your meeting will remind him of his horrendous days and his captivity in physical constraints. He will be ashamed again on his performance issues. He will feel humiliated. Manu is an average built person and there is no further scope for his improvement in this field. I confirm, Manu is equivalent to impotent.”
 
 
I protested fervently, “No, he is not. My ignorance has made my life complicated. He was never impotent. He had problems on performance related issue. I should have consulted experts. You blame me, not him. He has already recovered, I know.”
 
 
Jaya’s tone had sarcastic pinch, “And how could you acquire this piece of information?”
 
I shyly informed, “You are pregnant with his child and,” after a pause I added, “I had seen him satisfying you in bed. “
 
“You did not see anything to claim.” Jaya was firm.
 
I did not see but listened. I did visualize. Hesitantly, I expressed, “I agree, I did not see anything. I heard you moaning in pleasure.” I was defensive.
 
Jaya was sarcastic, “So, you were snooping around! Not a good habit at all. I never expected this from you. I was of the opinion that Manu had this habit. Any way he was a cuckold. It fits him well. But you are a well cultured, educated, modern woman. It does not fit you at all.”
 
I begged, “Please Jaya. You know very well that he is not cuckold. Please don’t call him cuckold. I beg you. I am sorry to eavesdrop you. I was jealous. I could not control my emotions. I, -- I was curious on your relationship with him. Please forgive me for my uncivilised attitude and behaviour. I will never interfere in your future life.” My voice croaked in pain. “I have lost everything in life. Just allow me once to meet my husband. I am giving my word. I promise, I will go away never to disturb you both. Please Jaya, please, have mercy on me.” I got broken in inconsolable tears.
 
 
She took my both hands in her. She appeared softened on my pleadings, “It’s OK Kavita. I must remove your false allegation and illusion. Come with me.” She got up, switched on the light and walked up to my room. I religiously followed her. She placed her mobile in my room and closed the door from outside. “Now place your ear on the door.”
 
 
I heard a female voice. It appeared to be Jaya’s. Yes, the unmasked clear voice I heard in Bangalore. It was same voice, same sequence. But sound was clearer than earlier. Jaya was moaning in pleasure and some rumbling sound. Sound of some movement in bed. And occasionally some male voice appeared in between. The sound was clear. The same moaning sound I heard in Bangalore. I looked at Jaya perplexed. She opened the door to fetch her mobile. The sound was louder and coming from mobile. It took some time for my brain to register.  I had been duped. I did not know how to react. I hugged Jaya bursting in tears. I was trembling in anticipation. She guided me to balcony and made me seated. Before taking her seat, she switched on a low power light, just enough to see our faces.
 
 
She continued after I regained composure, “Whatever you see or listen, may not necessarily be true. We may get deceived by our sensory organs. It’s always better not to react relying 100% on our sensory organs. I expected you to distinguish the difference between the original and fake. You miserably failed to discriminate. Not only ears, but the eyes also deceived your conscience. You had seen us in bed during serving coffee, I lying naked under bed sheet. You saw love bites in my body. I thought, as a woman you will easily find out. It was not easy to deceive a woman’s eye in such cases. You fooled yourself. Do you know, why?”
 
I simply could negate my head.
 
 
Jaya explained, “The reason was you were in despair & humiliation. The constant refusal by the society at every corner of your life had created desperation in you. Fresh humiliation added fuel to it. Refusal of acceptance by your husband was last nail in your desperation. Despair is such an inebriated condition of mind which camouflages the brain. Brain stops working on logic. Brain listens to mind. Brain understands that whatever mind wants it to understand. Brain loses its power to resolve. Your mind anticipated to see me naked in bed in prevalent situation. Mind perceived my state as naked. Your mind wanted my moaning sound as love making sound. Your brain professed the same way. Even you visualised the process of our lovemaking. It was the same state your husband had passed. You did behave with your husband in similar fashion during your stay with Prem & Gowri. He imagined more than what he had seen and listened. Everything he was listening and observing through his mind. He was in love with you. He lost the power to distinguish between sex with mutual consent and sex forced upon. Your constant wailing in pain was conceived as moan in pleasure. His brain could not over rule his mind. You were no way better. You misinterpreted him completely, when he was with me in same bedroom.”
 
She questioned, “Now, are you convinced that he is an impotent?”
 
I stammered, “How this can be? “ I pointed to the medical report, “This medical report?”

“Oh! Are you taking about that pregnancy report? Yes, I am pregnant.”

“But you just said that he is impotent.”

“Kavita, you are slower than I thought. The report is true. I’m pregnant with my husband’s child.”

“You are married?”

“Yes, long back. In fact I am mother of a 3 year old boy.”
 
 
Even before I could come out of my trance, in pitiful tone she concluded, “I hope your illusion is over. Manu has not improved much from his earlier state. I don’t consider him a man enough to be husband of any woman. Forget about satisfying a woman in bed, he cannot even father a child. Even after accepting his love, the matter remain true is that he has sissy cuckoldry tendency. He had no idea about your role playing. He continued sissy dressing of his own. He definitely enjoyed cuckoldry otherwise he would not have served coffee. He was not forced to do so. He continued serving Prem as his slave. This clearly proves his mental disorder. Though, he is as such a good man, still, I don’t find any justification to allow you meeting him. He is capable of destroying life of any woman forcing her into cuckoldry relationship.”
 
I shrilled, “God Damnit Jaya. What are you going to do with him then?”
 
“Same, as you have already done. He is only fit to be cuckold. He is good in domestic chores and an obedient servant. Anyway, why do you bother? “
 
I screamed, “Please Jaya, have mercy on him. He has already suffered a lot. I am the reason.” I fell on her feet. “ I beg you. Don’t be so cruel. Make me your servant instead. Please release him.” I was sobbing continuously.
 
Jaya helped me to get up and regain my calmness. Very softly she asked, “What do you want me to do?”
 
I fervently requested in watery eyes, “Please allow me to meet him once. Give him freedom, taking mine. I will never disobey you. Use me whatever way you want.”
 
Jaya smirked, “Are you sure what are you saying? You are giving me your word not to disobey me rest of your life.”
 
I nodded my head in acceptance, “I promise.”
 
“You have to promote yourself to female version of ‘Severin’ in ‘Venus in furs’ wherein I would become ‘Wanda’. It won’t be an easy task for you. You will lose all freedoms of life. As master I will enjoy all right on your body & mind. I may use you in flesh markets for my purpose. Think again.”
 
I got shocked at her proposal. My all limbs appeared to be paralysed. Was she joking? I looked at her face questioningly. There was no sign of sympathy. It looked tough and cruel. Slowly I put my face down. It was clear; there was no point of pleading.  Very slowly I uttered, “If you claim that is the only way to release my husband from your clutch, I agree. I accept my slavery. But you have to promise. You must not do any harm to him. You will give him freedom.” I even could not cry.
 
I heard a chuckling sound. I lifted my head to face her again. She had covered her mouth with right hand. I got perplexed looking at her face bursting in deep chortle. She struggled to control her convulsing body. Finally, she could remove her hand off her mouth. She continued grinning for some more time before extending her both hands to take mine. She was apologetic, “Kavita, please don’t take me wrong. I have no intention to hurt your feelings. I am here to help you, not to rag you. Without deep love, you would not have come here in search of your husband. Please forgive me for inflicting pain in you. Manu is like my elder brother. I love him. You are his wife, his love. I envy you.” She wiped my tears with her hand.
 
 
I continued staring at her confused not knowing what to do. Jaya understood my condition. She approached to take me in tight embrace. I felt her soft lips on my cheek. I sensed she was not joking. I was in ecstatic. ‘I had been fooled. I could enjoy my foolishness. Manu did not have any physical relationship with Jaya. In spite of my heinous behaviour, she still considers me as his wife. I can get united with my husband.’ My thought was interrupted.
 
 
 
 
“But there are some concerns. As I said earlier, at present you are emotionally weak on Manu.”
 
 
I could sense ambivalence in her voice. “Manu’s uncharacteristic surrender and quit from your life have emotional turmoil in your mind. These emotions are forcing your brain to stop thinking rationally. Your diminishing sexual urge is temporary. You have a strong libido which can only be controlled in two ways: The first one by a strongly endowed man who can satisfy your physical needs on a regular basis. The second one is by controlling your emotions in a favourable way. Controlling emotions are not that easy job.”
 
 
She averted her eyes from me. Looking at the distant darkness, she spoke to herself, “Now the situation is different.”
 
 
She paused briefly before continuing in same tone, “The present situation is not similar to earlier when you committed adultery with Prem. Manu was only affected person as he was rapidly progressing towards destruction. Earlier you had a fixed target. You had no other great psychological adverse impact. You derived physical pleasure and pain given to you by Prem. There was no much emotional conflict as you had fixed goals of either getting pregnant or getting rid of extortion by Prem. Everything nullified to your wanting desire of attaining motherhood. You were complacent on Manu. “
 
 
She walked to the railing keeping her eyes fixed at distant, “Manu as an average built person will never be able to give that physical satisfaction, you have experienced with Prem. Gradually physical urge will build up a pressure in your mind leading to depression.The depression level may betray your defence again. You will embrace adultery. As usual your renewed adultery will have adverse impact on Manu. He is much more composed now. He will be able to accept your adultery as the basic physical need. He will never go to depression. I am afraid; the actual effect of adultery on you will be enormous. You will not be able to stop adultery. Because of renewed emotional attachment, you will feel constant guilt after every encounter. You will be torn into pieces in your emotions. Ultimately you will lose your mental composure.”
 
 
I protested, “I don’t envisage as you are projecting. I was under sexual drug effect; otherwise I could control my physical urge. Judging me on my drug induced insatiable physical condition is not proper. Believe me, I love him.”
 
 
Jaya paced back to her chair. She made her worry clear to me, “I believe you but not in your love. Whatever be your explanation, the same love was defeated when you invited Prem. As I was explaining you, your husband may not be able to satisfy your sexuality. Mentally you are not of strong personality. Your vulnerability in acute situations is well proved. Unsatisfied body will breach your weak defence weakening your mind further. You will start comparing your satisfying moments. Little by little you will surrender to your lust. There will not be any problem till you are able to control your emotions. However, at slightest opportunity, the yearning level may betray your defence. You will constantly regret for not enforcing divorce and opting for remarriage. You will have same fate as of Mona’s mother. Your husband has already executed the mutual divorce papers. Get divorce and get married. You will have a peaceful, respectful life. Please don’t torture yourself pretending love.”
 
 
I responded slowly with firmness in my voice. “I am not pretending love. I would not have come here, if I did not love my husband. My parents and in-laws have renounced me. I could tolerate. I could not tolerate his hatred. I tried to end my life. I took wrong steps on impulse. He loves me. He can never hate me. Nothing will happen as you are projecting. My love will never allow me to desert him. I have done mistakes; I may do mistakes again. I know, he will always forgive me.”
 
 
Thoughtfully she addressed, “One side you are my friend. On the other side you are my patient though you never accepted me as your doctor. Nevertheless, I have to perform my duty.”
 
 
“As a friend I would prefer to suggest you to go back to your husband. But as doctor, I prefer opposite. Being a doctor, I can’t misguide you.”
 
 
“An ideal human relationship should not be condition based. If condition is not fulfilled, the bond of relationship loosens leading to breakage of relationship. A successful marital relationship is dependent on many issues. A balance is to be achieved between emotional and physical compatibility. There are many factors that contribute to a satisfying marriage relationship such as; Love, Commitment, Trust, Honesty, Respect, Transparency, Ability and Willingness to Forgive & forget. There should not be any compromise. However, you should be ready for adjustment. And never deny about a compatible conjugal relationship. A complementary, healthy sexual satisfaction improves mutual bonding.”
 
 
Jaya struggled to deliver her final verdict. “I will prefer you to go back without meeting your husband. Your meeting with him will create unnecessary confusion and mental agony. You apply for divorce and get married soon. Time is a great healer. Slowly the image of Manu will fade away.”
 
 
Her words were like arrows piercing my heart. My boat was on the verge of sinking again. I shrilled before breaking into cries, “Is there no way for reconciliation with my husband?”
 
 
My ears witnessed the most optimistic dulcet, “It is very tough. You need to control your negative emotions much below the limits of tolerance. It’s not easy to achieve.  You may have to make many sacrifices.”
 
 
I smiled in radiant glow, “I am ready to make all sacrifices.” I confirmed in firm voice.
 
 
Jaya hesitantly answered, “I wish you all success. There are other concerns as well. We still need to assess the deep pain you have created in Manu’s mind during your last meet. He may not continue with same attachment he had earlier. Please allow me some time.”
 
 
She was right. Our last meet flashed in my memory. All hope evaporated from my mind at a flash.  A fresh depression beleaguered me again.
 
Before I could express myself, Jaya’s phone rang. She excused herself before attending the call. The fading darkness announced the arrival of another day. We have passed the whole night in balcony. ‘Will the new light bring light in my life?’ I continued questioning myself in apprehension.
 
 
She was back within ten minutes appeared apprehensive.
 
 
 
Within half an hour, she took leave for a tour promising to return within two days.

Jaya returned only after three days visibly tired. I had spent my worst days fighting with my mind.
 
 

 
 
*****

[manasi]

34.6
Kavita
 
 

All she said before leaving for hospital, “Sorry for keeping you waiting. We will discuss in the evening.”

Jaya did not elaborate further. She looked a bit disturbed. I was getting impatient. No information of my husband. I was afraid. ‘Does it concern me?  Anything related to him? Is it so that Jaya could not convince him?’ All worst possibilities filled my mind immediately.

Anxiously I asked, “You seem disturbed a lot. I have lost everything it seems. Please tell me. I can tolerate. He has refused to meet me, isn’t it?”
 
 
She looked at my face for a brief period, took my both hands in her, smiled in assurance, “Don’t worry Kavita, Its nothing related to you. This is my personal problem. I needed some time for myself. We will meet in the evening. OK?” She pressed my hands assuring me again before quickly disappearing on her way.
 
 
*******
 
I did not find her during dinner. After dinner when I was retiring to my room, Jaya appeared and asked me to wait in the balcony. She appeared jovial.
 
 
Very shortly she joined me. “I am sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Some personal problem had kept me busy all these days. Now everything has been settled. “She was happy and calm.
 
 
I intervened her, “My problems can wait. I have waited for so long. A few days more may not affect much.”  With slight hesitation I added, “You can trust me. You may share your feelings with me if you consider me your friend. Though, I may not be of much help. “
 
 
“There is nothing to hide.  I thought of sharing with you last time we met here, even I considered requesting you accompanying me. I was not sure about my situation and your mental preparedness.  It was a bit urgent and I had to rush. “
 
 
Then I had another shock of life.
 
 
Jaya continued, “You may be surprised on what motivated me to take so much interest in your life? We meet hundreds of patients with different problems of their life. It’s impossible for us to explore everybody’s problems in such depths. I took keen interest as I compared your husband with my father. He is a simple man like my father with full of love and passion on life, yet suffering. Your life has a striking similarity with my mother. Mona’s story is my story, my life. Mona is none other than me.”
 
 
I was shocked, “What do you say?”
 
 
Jaya, most probably, did not hear me. She continued from previous. She was speaking as if in dream.
 
 
“That day after reading the first part of the letter, I did not read the letter of my mother. All I knew that I had to reach asylum at the earliest. Dehradun and Mussoorie was my native. I have spent best part of my life there. I knew the location of asylum and the ashram. I took flight to Dehradun and from there to destined ashram took another 2 hours.”
 
 
“I could meet my father. He hardly recognised me. I also met Guruji for the first time. I was tired of travel & agony. I took early bed in the guest house of asylum.”
 
 
Next day morning I opened the letter of my mother. I opened the Pandora box. The whole world crushed under my feet.I could feel the pain of my mother, a wife of a loving husband. I could understand the agony of her life and humiliation. I had humiliated her without knowing exact reasons behind her self-indulgence.  A daughter had denounced her mother.The content of the letter I had told you was slightly exaggerated to lure you in confession. The farm house was true without involvement of caretaker. BDSM was added to inflict negativity in the character. Rest was more or less true.
 
 
“I was fortunate enough to get my life back. Guruji could save my mother from committing the heinous crime. Guruji saved me from my downfall. I devoted myself in well being of ashram. My father responded to treatment. He was progressing to normalcy, steadily but very slowly. I changed my subject in masters. Instead of becoming heart specialist, I chose to become psychiatrist. I concentrated more on human sexology. Guruji saved my mother’s life, but could not convince her to meet me.  She remained elusive in my presence. She did take care of my father; she even was a great help in asylum in other activities. She actively participated in all activities willingly as requirement arose. She never showed any hesitation in anything except hiding herself in my presence. I could experience her presence, whenever I visited asylum, but could not meet her. Human psychology is quite complicated.”
 
 
“Three days back, she had a mild stroke and fell down to injure her seriously. She refused to move outstation for treatment leaving her husband alone in asylum. Just think. One day she was ready to leave the world without concerning her husband’s future in the asylum! I was called to persuade her. I could meet her after a gap of seven years. You can easily imagine the emotional outbursts. Finally, I could convince her. Yesterday she had been successfully operated with angioplasty.”
 
 
*****



“Guruji opened my eyes on ethics & morality. He said, ‘Both ethics & morality dictates good and bad behaviour of individuals. What is correct and what is wrong? While ethics is external to a person, morality is internal. Neither of them is absolute. They are volatile and relative; highly dependent on community and social settings. If you travel to the history of evolve of mankind, you will find distinguished opposite conception had swept within the same section of humans on very acceptance of standards of ethics and morality. Progress of mankind is always dynamic and consequently the concept of ethics and morality. Just consider the case of your mother. Re-viewing her behaviour from outside, on her decision of not marrying the father of her biological child can generate a debate on ethical & moral ground without reaching to a conclusion. Its impossible to prove whether her action was right or wrong. The matter gets further complicated, once you try to judge her from her standpoint.’ ”
 
 
“He made me view sex from different angles. First time I learnt to view sex as life necessity other than carnal pleasure. Our nature of upbringings in the society and flaws in learning process are mainly responsible for creating a complex unnatural concept on sex. A life process connected with new life can never be dirty. It is the basic requirement of our continued existence.”
 
“A sexual activity is a great healer to remove psychological stress. Keeping the same in mind, society have approved sex outside societal bonds to minimize mental aberration. He asked me a very simple question. ‘Say, you are hungry of food and food is available. What do you think is proper? Consume food and get devoted in other activities or without taking food get preoccupied in physical & mental constraints. A healthy sexual activity is physiological & psychological food for a healthy adult human. What good it will serve to keep body & mind starved keeping them preoccupied continuously. Don’t you think it is better to free body & mind from constraints to engaged in a better meaningful life activity elsewhere?’  I had no arguments to counteract him. “
 
“He further stressed, ‘Think about life of a prostitute. She is earning her livelihood by engagement in sex. She is also doing a great social activity by removing the stress and helping in maintaining social harmony in family life to some extent. Do your moral help you hate her because of her profession, a profession maybe she was forced into. What moral do you have to impose your morality on others? The most important factor here is to consider that, do we have any ethical right to judge her morality in her personal life. In case of your mother, she is an individual with different identity. Do you have right to impose your concept of morality on your mother, while her actions had no adverse effect on your independent life? Are not you trespassing?’ ”





***

She smiled at me, “Guruji made my life simple. I no longer feel bad on my birth history. Neither I hate my biological father nor has my love to my father reduced. Who am I to question his personal life? Who is father? He had never failed to perform his fatherly duty. A child is connected with father through his love, affection and care. And my father never allowed raising any suspicion that I was not part of his blood. I think he himself had forgotten that I was not his blood. The best part was I had no religion on birth. My religion is humanity. Guruji helped me understanding basics of religion and its purpose. No religion existed in early life of mankind. Concept of God appeared with fear and unexplained fury of nature. Religion surfaced to explain the mystery of universe and energy. Over time period, religions divided into sub-group to take care diversified aspects of life. At some particular requirement religion got mixed with culture to create further subdivision. I had learned the inner meaning of religion and philosophy of life.”


 
She smiled at me again. A divine glow spread from her smile to touch me. I also smiled in acknowledgement. It touched my heart. I was no more a worried person. Somebody inside my heart assured me. There was nothing to worry. All clouds got blown away from my mind.
 
 
In commensurate in my thinking, Jaya touched my hands and made my hearts beat faster. In an assurance tone she continued, “Guruji will be meeting you tomorrow in asylum prior to your meeting with your husband. He is aware of every incident of your life. Start immediately after breakfast. He prefers you avail public transport. I will drop you in the bus-stand on my way to hospital.” Then in a lighter tone she added, “I hope, now, you are not carrying any grudge against me.”
 
 
In response I touched her feet.
 
She hurriedly stopped me and helped me stand up and occupying my seat. “Please don’t do this. Though I may be two year’s older from you, by respect, you are my senior. Dada landed in Hardwar and met me. I had prior knowledge of his arrival. Guruji had briefed me about him. I heard him again in details. Immediately, I knew there must be something wrong. Subsequently with detailed analysis, I could guess your motive. Somehow, I correlated him with my father. My father had faced a lot of hardship due to his physical shortcomings. I elevated him in the post of my elder brother. He had enormous flaws in his character & behaviour. Still, his simplicity and honesty earned my heart. And his pristine love. Is it possible for any woman to ignore that kind of love and inflict pain?  I grew suspicious. My mother was before my eyes. I had experiences of many patients. Human psychology was my subject. I have learnt to think beyond apparent physical appearance and behaviours. I took special care for him.”
 
 
“You must admit that you are just an ordinary woman. You don’t possess any extra-ordinary qualities. The beauty and figure you are proud of do not have any contribution from you. You have acquired them by birth. Remember, you have zero contribution on anything to be proud of what you receive through hereditary. Where is your contribution?  Still you are not ordinary. My brother had made you extra-ordinary. His love has made you special. Try to contribute something of your own. Make my brother happy. He loves you more than anything of this world.”
 
 
In a hesitant and feeble voice I asked, “Does he know about my whereabouts?” I could not hold my curiosity further.
 
Jaya became mischievous again. “He means your husband? Do you think, after knowing your sexual violence, he would be loitering around without reaching you?”
 
I put my face down deeply embarrassed. With shy smile I accepted my mistake, “No. He would have reached to me long back.”
 
Jaya lifted my face with her fingers placed below my chin. She frowned at me and chuckled, “No, he is ignorant of many things. He is not aware of your life struggle since he left early morning nearly five months back on his mission of improving self-reliance.He, however, may be educated with everything prior to your meeting with him or maybe you have to educate him.  Guruji will take the final decision. Are you suspecting anything negative?”
 
 
I made a brave face hiding my anxiety, “No, no, not for that. I know him well, just curiosity.”
 
 
 
****
 
Jaya smiled, “I can understand your mental dilemmas.  Don’t worry. Be positive. Everything will be OK. Guruji wants you understands a few things on your ignorance or limited knowledge which led your life turmoil. If you have specific queries on anything, you may ask me now. Even, you are permitted to interrupt me in-between.”
 
I hesitated, “I am curious on how could you guess my motive. I have never left any hint to anybody.” I looked down.
 
She amused,” So that you can plan next time fool proof?” She must have noticed my reddened face.  I heard her giggle, “No need to feel embarrassed. I will include some outline enough for your appreciation. OK? Now look up. It would be a long story taking away your sleep for the night. Anyway, I know you will not sleep due to the excitement of meeting your husband.”
 
Jaya continued, “You must understand the physical & psychological trauma your husband had passed through since arrival of Prem in your house. Guruji was in Bangalore to deliver a lecture on stress management when he met Manu. He was on the verge of psychological breakdown. Your blatant, unnatural actions had pushed him to despair. You were well aware of his despair. Unfortunately, you were consumed in your own despair. You were pushing him to a point of no return. Under similar situations, most of the victims go extreme. They either kill themselves or kill the peoples responsible for their despair. Sometimes, they lose their mental balance. He was different. He did not consider you entirely responsible for his debacle. He gracefully accepted his shortcomings. He accepted your slavish behaviour and brazen adultery. He accepted his physical torture and humiliation. But he could not accept you getting pregnant by others. Every species in this world wants his gene to be propagated.It makes sense that humans, like any animal, would feel a drive to propagate their own genes. He was no different. He could not accept your morbid decision. After considering all possible outcomes, he decided for relocation. He decided to relocate himself out of your life.”
 
Jaya brought me out of my trance, “Guruji could persuade him from taking extreme steps and advised for joining confidence build up training programme. God is great.  He readily accepted Guruji’s offer only to drop immediately on financial issue. He was not ready to spend money on him depriving your comfort, so that, you are not in financial crisis. No explanation could deter him from his stand. His mental firmness amazed Guruji. He was so much in love with you. “
 
 
“We had witnessed his love during training also. To remove negative emotions temporarily, human effigies are sometimes deployed. He never touched your effigy to express his anger.”
 
 
“Even after financial problem was sorted out, he was not ready to join immediately. Guruji could witness his sense of responsibility. He excused himself for a day, so that he could complete his responsibilities not to put the company in trouble. A man, dejected in life does not forget his responsibilities of his duties.”
 
“Finally, Manu landed in my chamber, I had listened to him sitting in this balcony. Wait for 5 minutes, I will be back”
 
She came back shortly with some papers in her hand and a tape recorder.  Jaya switched off the light. Darkness prevailed everywhere. Jaya’s voice came floating, “Listen to your husband.” In the darkness I witnessed my husband through my ear. I listened to my own story, the shameful story of my morbid affairs to achieve my secret goal.
 
It continued for hours with occasional interruptions of Jaya. She was asking for clarifications. Finally, it ended with his final departure in the wee hours of that fateful day of my violation. I could feel the pain and psychological trauma he had pass through. Clearly he was torn between his love and my happiness. Absolute silence prevailed.
 
After sometime, Jaya got up and switched on a dim light. I heard her, “His training started. Slowly he gained confidence. He was a very good learner. Once we could remove anxiety and fear from his mind, his adoption to changed reality was supreme. The physical structure could not be altered. It’s God gifted and we all have to be contented with our primary physical structure. He was more than normal in every category of physiological aspects within limitations of his physical constraints. In some cases he could be placed in top places.”
 
 
“When we analysed his Bio chemistry report on his arrival, we observed a high level of Estrogen& low level of Testosterone hormone in his blood. “
 
 
“While Estrogen levels are significantly lower in males compared to females, estrogens nevertheless also have important physiological roles in males. As the testosterone is transformed into Estrogen the low levels of testosterone can cause many unpleasant symptoms including loss of muscle mass, fatigue, low libido, erectile dysfunction etc.”
 
 
“High level of Estrogen may stimulate breast tissue growth. Men with too much Estrogen may develop gynecomastia, a condition which leads to larger breasts, loss of body hair and Erectile Dysfunction. Men with high levels of Estrogen may have difficulty in getting or maintaining an erection. A prolong high level presence of Estrogen in male body can permanently make him infertile.”
 
 
"Manu was definitely being administered drugs. He confirmed, none of you had administered him any drug directly within his knowledge, which indicates he was being drugged without his knowledge. Can you suggest anything, Kavita?”
 
 
‘I know it. Now I know it for sure. Prem has duped me.’ I answered lowering my face, “I am only responsible. I was mixing sleeping tablets in his beverages. When Prem replaced them with drugs, I had no knowledge. But I did stop giving him sleeping pills after my shifting to Prem”
 
 
Jaya responded, “I collected both the drugs during my stay at your house. While you were being administered sex enhancement drugs, Manu was being administered female hormones. Even after you stopped mixing, Manu was directly consuming it since your shifting. Effectively, he was under female hormone control. Manu was saved. A prolonged period of high level of Estrogen in a man’s body will inflict femininity. He could have developed breast in long run and lost his erection completely becoming impotent. This could have been irreversible.”
 
 
I vowed in my mind. ‘I am not going to leave Prem so easily. He has to pay for his every crime. He wanted me to beg for my life. I will make his life such that he will forget to beg for his life also. I did make mistake to attempt suicide. I cannot die without teaching him lesson. I should not die without revenge.’
 
Jaya continued, “We had definite proof that he was being drugged. It could be either you or Prem. We also did analyse his semen quality. On arrival his sperm count was 1,50,000 per ml. It improved considerably to 2,50,000 per ml within a month and 4,50,000 per ml in four months in favourable condition. In medical terms, his semen qualified for impregnating any woman in her fertility. Your non-conceiving could be attributable to many other probabilities. Nature decides her judgement on pregnancy most of which still are not perceived by human.”
 
 
Jaya abruptly stopped and fixed her eyes on me in piercing. She appeared to be finding out probable reasons for my not getting pregnant. Unable to withstand, I lowered my face to avert her gaze. Did she suspect some malpractices from my side? I knew, I did not do anything. I genuinely was looking for motherhood for past four years. God has denied me motherhood for my sin, which I could not divulge.
 
 
She continued in assertive tone, “You were obsessed with children. Every woman desires to attain motherhood. It’s your right to get pregnant. Your husband’s physical performance was not hindrance to your pregnancy. Many women in the world never enjoyed orgasm but became mothers. Sperm quality and count of your husband was not issue. Within limitations of other unfavourable conditions, your non pregnancy could be attributable to birth control measures or your physical constraints.”
 
 
“We had Manu’s version of story. Obviously, we did not accept everything on face value. However, based on his version we made our preliminary observation” 
 
 
 
 
“Kavita was well aware of Prem’s character. He was arrogant, selfish, bullish, womaniser etc. For him women were only sex object made of flesh. Definitely, she was not akin to marry him. Moreover, he was engaged. She never favoured divorce as she could have done this earlier. She had never intended to elope with him. Then, exactly what was she achieving by inviting Prem? Again, what was her motive?”
 
 
"Manu was not sissy as Kavita had experienced for 4 years. She was encouraging him in sissy cuckoldry trait almost by force since arrival of Prem. Worst possible outcome could have been losing mental balance or life. What were the possible gains she could achieve? ‘Un-hindrance physical pleasure along with Manu’s property while enjoying social status’ could be her aim. It sounds interesting!”
 
 
"Unfortunately, Manu did not possess a fortune. Moreover, Kavita was sharing all his property jointly. This nullified property angles. Torturing physically and mentally carried inherent risk of being implicated by law. The fact, a complaint by Manu could land both Kavita and Prem behind bars was not unknown to her. She was taking greater risks far outwitting the extra gains she could possibly achieve in materialistic world. Though, not ruled out completely, the theory of ‘Un-hindrance physical pleasure along with property while enjoying social status’ was not very convincing to me."
 
 
"Prem and Kavita have been discovered in close relationship by her husband’s friends Puja & Aslam. People were observing both in closeness in various malls etc while she was flaunting your body.  In morning workout, she was being observed in short revealing dresses. In India all these were bound to draw attractions of neighbours. Her lovemaking sounds were audible to neighbours from outside while her husband was not in house. All these facts were made known to her directly or indirectly by her husband. She couldn’t pretend ignorance. Kavita was actively allowing gossip to grow. As if she was willingly announcing the whole world to get acquainted to her adultery with Prem. The very social status was at risk and she was well aware of it. So, it was not the social stigma, Kavita remain married. Kavita remained married to her husband because she loved her husband."
 
 
Jaya smiled mischievously, “So, the theory of ‘Un-hindrance physical pleasure along with her husband’s property while enjoying social status’ failed. We looked for ‘Un-hindrance physical pleasure along with Manu’s property without social component’. I would have been happy to harmonise with Kavita’s behaviours. Say, she was not bound by social stigma. But she loved her husband. She has never failed to express her love to her husband. She had made sincere attempts to safeguard her husband from bullying of Prem. So, definitely, she would not like to find him mental or dead. Her husband submitted himself into her adultery. He accepted her extramarital relationship. Then, why to torture him? Why to convert him to sissy cuckold? A bit contradictory, is it not? A few incidences further grow suspiciousness. Kavita was constantly cautioning him with example of Vipul against possible attacks. She was constantly asking him to be proactive while dealing with Prem. She was vulnerable to unknown fear in her mind.
 
 
She took a pregnant pause, “It does not have much significance whether Kavita loved Prem or had any attachment with Prem. It’s important that she loved her husband. Still she was causing trauma to him. On one hand, she was involved in his social destruction. On the other hand, she was protecting him constantly from Prem. She was afraid of something. This clearly indicated she was being manipulated."
 
 
 
 
Jaya addressed to me, “Preliminary report indicated the presence of your extortion and a deep-rooted motive. To understand better, we created three mathematical models for all three of you.
I will give my sample analysis with precise dates as per Manu’s version. The date of arrival of Prem is designated as date one. We have used most of the techniques mathematically available to derive a logical conclusion.
 
1 Direct proof
2 Proof by mathematical induction
3 Proof by contraposition
4 Proof by contradiction
5 Proof by construction
6 Proof by exhaustion
7 Probabilistic proof
8 Combinatorial proof
9 Nonconstructive proof
10 Statistical proofs in pure mathematics
 
Out of all techniques, the most used ones were direct proof, proof by contradiction, proof by exhaustion and probabilistic proof.” 


For every character we plotted the following

1         Dressing pattern within 24 hours and day wise
2         Physical discomfiture within 24 hours and day wise
3         Mood change within 24 hours and day wise
4         Sexual behaviour, frequency, orgasmic bliss, pattern of moaning
5        Smiling pattern at different scenarios.
6         Body movement / gestures during humiliation or bullying as recipient, observer or donor.
7         Sleeping pattern
 
We also traced the precedence of every incident to derive interrelationship between incidences and effect on society, relationship, economy, physic, moods, loss & gain, apparent gratification, rewards & punishments etc. Social, cultural and economical, religious background of the characters were superimposed in our derivation.
 
I will present here a few samples for your understanding.


Initially, our entire analysis was based on the story narrated by Manu. Subsequently at appropriate level, we came across with direct or indirect proofs to validate our analysis. The first character we analysed was Manu character.
 
Manu:
 
The positive aspect of his character was his unmasked love. His love was not marred with revenge feeling. Next was his patience and endurance level not accepting defeat at any cost. He was simple in lifestyle and not greedy. He was sober in behaviour and had respect to women. He was diligent and responsible to his external works but equally irresponsible to his personal front.
 
The most prominent negative aspect of his character was his refusal to physical fitness, anxiety, fear and refusal to accept the truth. During his ordeal with Prem & Kavita, he had many opportunities to learn the truth and defuse the threats which he avoided only because he refused to accept the truth. For example, he valued virginity of women before marriage and would not have married to Kavita had he knew the truth. He never tried to figure out the truth directly from Kavita. With regard to A.A and boyfriend, Kavita never accepted his idea, however Manu never tried to figure out the truth. He had ample opportunity to meet Gowri in isolation without involvement of Prem which he did not. He never differentiated between real efforts and pseudo efforts.
 
He never mixed with people. He had no real friends. We observed nobody visited them on friendly gestures. Strangely, he had exhibited no hobby for his entertainment. Consequently, he was more dependent on his wife on every aspect of life. Sharing life is altogether different to submission. The reason for his submissiveness was fear of failure. He was lacking confidence. Honestly, there was no reason for him to serve coffee to the trio in their bedroom except his submissive nature to his wife.  His emotional draining was part of his submissive life style. People of such character invariably always face loneliness in life. They can never be happy as happiness is achieved only in sharing.
 
His dependency on his wife was abnormally high, which could never take him to success in life on any scale as he could not take any decision on his own. He was well aware of his poor performance and doubted on his ability of fathering a child. He, however never bothered to check with a consultant in spite of all opportunities available around him. His attitude towards life was negative and life never bestows a person with pessimistic attitude.
 
He correctly diagnosed the sexual slavery of his wife. But he never made any sincere efforts to understand the nature of her slavery, whether it was forced upon or willing. Accepting that his wife had given ample indication for him to accept her slavery as willing, at the same time, she had also given indications of her foreboding mental state.  His attitude of ignoring her distress signals in pessimistic way without verifying authenticity added negativity in his character.
 
The pessimistic attitude of Manu had helped other character to behave erratically.
 
 



 
Gowri:
 
Gowri was a south Indian Brahmmin woman of young age of around 24 years, educated, earning her own livelihood and staying away from family all alone in another city outside her home town. She was in love with Prem outside her community and religion. So, she must be open minded, self dependent without prejudice to cultural and religion bindings. She was not ultra-modern woman displaying herself in public and not very fashion conscious.
 
On 10th day, Thursday, Prem took virginity of Gowri. 15th and 16th Prem had sex with Gowri again. We see her again on 53rd day Friday when she visited Manu’s house for the first time. In between Prem was never late night to return after meeting Gowri. We came to know that Kavita had met her earlier and she had extended her invitation. Kavita presented herself on that day as a good housewife. Gowri was dressed in sober. She was very shy in presence of Manu. Gowri spend the weekend at Manu’s place. On Friday Manu heard her suppressed moaning of lovemaking. She was clearer next night in her moans. The fact of a shy unmarried woman first time visiting some unknown house with her fiancé and making love with loud moaning grew suspicion. Only torture and pain could support this fact. On Sunday morning Gowri was nervous and uncomfortable in front of Manu. Same day night, there was no lovemaking sound heard by Manu, justifying her painful intercourse and avoiding sex. On Saturday, all of them went for outing but on Sunday all stayed back, logically appeared to be commensurate with her painful intercourse on previous night.
 
On 56th day Monday, Manu spoke to Gowri in Prem’s mobile. Initially she was tongue tied and answered only after a few ‘hellos’. It appeared she was afraid to something. Manu wanted to talk something to her in private and she was cut off by Prem abruptly. She never contacted Manu in future. She was a progressive, educated, independent woman. She could advance to pre-marriage physical relationship with Prem, outside of her community and religion, but was afraid to talk to Manu. Manu was no-one but her host for last two days. What was her hesitation to talk to Manu? It was a clear indication of suspicious behaviour on part of Gowri. She was forced by Prem to behave other ways. But why?
 
On 60th day Gowri made her 2nd visit in different environment. Manu was projected in sissy dress as a cuckold. Gowri was averting her eyes from Manu. Her behaviour suggested that she was already aware of Manu’s cuckoldry. So much change in Gowri in just one week was abnormal. All three went to Prem’s bedroom for a likely threesome drawing Manu’s attention. Next morning, Manu was forced to serve coffee to prove his cuckoldry in the eyes of Gowri. Manu observed Gowri in same dress as previous evening. In a likely event of threesome activities, two of participants were in scanty dress, whereas the third partner fully dressed and that also same dress of previous evening.This suggested a clear show off.
 
For next two days till Sunday, Manu was being projected as cuckold. Gowri was not allowed any chance-meet with Manu. She was being protected. Unlike previous week, Kavita and Prem skipped morning workout to ensure Gowri’s isolation from Manu. On Saturday night, Manu was caught eavesdropping. Sunday, on 62nd day, Gowri was dropped back at late evening. Why? If threesome was main aim, why Gowri was required to be vacated?
 
Answer came from next day activity. Prem’s motorcycle had snag and Manu had to give lift. Bangalore is a big city with modern transport. Prem could easily manage transport for his one-time return journey. Manu was not in conversation with Prem since Kavita’s shifting to Prem. What made Prem to meet Manu? During return journey, Prem inquired Manu’s action in the previous nights. Prem was never interested to know whereabouts of Manu. What made him curious? He was worried. He wanted to ensure that Manu had returned back in his room in the night. He was afraid of roll playing being exposed.
 
Next question was why Prem had to meet Manu outside? Prem could very well ask Manu same inside house in Kavita’s presence. So, it proved her presence was unwanted.Prem wanted to hide his questions from Kavita also. If he desired one to one meeting, he could have asked Kavita to leave house for some period. Prem was sure, she won’t vacate leaving Manu alone in house with Prem. This clearly indicates that Prem had no chance to meet Manu alone under her protection and he made arrangement to meet Manu outside. Knowing very well that Manu would refuse him if contacted directly, he took help of Kavita. Prem knew very well that Manu can’t refuge Kavita.

We looked in depth at the incidents during Gowri’s second visit.
 
All other time Gowri made visit, there were phone calls in advance except on this visit.
 
On entry, Gowri looked at Manu briefly and looked down. She was seemingly embarrassed. Why? An adult woman ready to participate in cuckoldry and threesome in a short while is embarrassed?
 
On Saturday morning, during serving coffee, Manu had seen brushings marks on Kavita’s upper body. Next day, Sunday morning he observed more brushings. At Sunday late evening, the brushes disappeared as Manu did not find them on her body. She was reading magazine under bright light. Manu should not have missed.
 
On Saturday morning while serving coffee, Manu find Kavita’s deep cleavage while she was bra less and most probably naked under blanket. The breasts disperse outward while not in support. Deep cleavage calls for lifting and pushing breasts tissues to inward. So Kavita was not topless.
 
Not only Manu was manipulated in sissy dressing on Friday evening, next day also, she manipulated Manu in sissy dress again. Kavita moved a particular set to the bed for drawing immediate attention of Manu. What made her to take keen interest in Manu’s sissy dressing?
 
Saturday, Kavita forced Manu doing laundry, first time after shifting. Gowri’s presence made the difference.
 
 
Possible obvious reason could be revenge out Manu’s spat on Kavita 4 days back. She became so revengeful that, she planned meticulously with Prem and Gowri to take revenge.  Beautiful.
 
 Gowri being part of the revenge programme should not be embarrassed as we have observed.
 
Kavita kissed Manu on immediate opportunity after the show and arranged lunch for him during her outing.  She was doing these behind the scene hiding Prem & Gowri. While Prem & Gowri were part of conspiracy, what was the reason for this secrecy? Her revenge programme evaporated immediately with Gowri’s departure. Not only that, while Manu met her in isolation on Sunday late evening after Gowri’s departure, she talked about Prem’s vacation after two weeks.
 
Kavita’s revenge was not at all convincing. We distinctly observe different behaviour in presence of Gowri-Prem and in absence of them.  So, Kavita was not taking revenge on Manu. Reason for cuckoldry show off was different.


 
The above incidents cleared a few things. It was clear that cuckold game was played by Kavita and Prem where Gowri was manipulated. Something they were gaining by projecting Manu as cuckold to Gowri. Prem was more concerned on effectiveness of Manu’s cuckoldry show-off. It appeared; Kavita was an unwilling partner in the game forced to take active part. Wasshe being blackmailed? We will come back at this point again.
 
Gowri’s third visit on 67th day was more or less similar cuckoldry show off. On 74th day Gowri made her 4th visit. Kavita’s dress was not revealing. She was in sari except display of belly ring pendant. Also, Manu was not made to display his cuckoldry. The purpose was already over.
 
From 16th day to 53rd day Prem never claimed of having sex with Gowri. We plotted Prem’s sex life to draw the conclusion. During this period, mostly Prem was available in house after evening barring on 23rd when he went out after planning creampie for Manu. That day also Prem was not late night. Was Gowri avoiding sex with Prem for some reasons?
 
***

[manasi]

superb logic but is such great analysis required in forum like this?  but   overall great writing skills n  research. looks happy ending.

Unfortunately yes, I fully agree with you.

Originally I had planned for 5 updates in chapter34, 4 for Kavita's confession and another one paving her way to meet Guruji for final encounter with some revelation of facts. In Kavita's confession I had introduced a different views to look at the story. Originally, I had decided to touch the logic in favour of my logic and move forward.

Quite a few readers were interested in detailed logic. To accommodate the demand, 4 more sub-parts were added pushing the essence at last part. I knew, it would be boring. I agree, it's better not to discuss ethics and morality in this forum. Still, I thought, let readers understand the background process.

While the bullet was in barrel, I had control. After pulling the trigger, I really have no control over it. Still I can make a try  for an early finish to end your agonizing wait for final chapter.

I leave it to the decision of the readers.

Thank you all for showing great patience to read through pages.

[manasi]

Xossip/xossipy is not an ordinary sextale forum.... Instead an adult forum.... So we, a lot of intellectual readers and writers.... Are here.....
We reads selective stories and gives logical views and reviews....
Not any fucktale with perverted sex description with one word comment...Nice, hot,superb etc.

So, no need to cutshort ... Make it Large

Even i've foundout some points in jaya's analysis, contradictory to kavita's natural behaviour. She is proven greedy.... Even without any foreign pressure.... As per your update on manu's last visit to kavita in banglore....

Some other points too...Need your attention

But.... As per your instruction.... I'll put my questionnaire after reading your complete sequal.

Waiting eagerly for next episode of this update

thank you sir for patience.

We will have a jovial mutually benefiting discussion next year.

[manasi]

Mansi dear ..... Waiting for next, eagerly

Expecting to update 34.7 by evening. Slow internet speed had forced me to abandon.

[manasi]

34.7
Kavita
 


 
Prem:
 
Now let’s look at Prem. He was a person who like to boast his sexual power. He was proud of bedding many women. He never talked about love and romance. He only talked about pussies. For him women were nothing but flesh devoid of mind and soul. He took pride of his sexual power to broadcast that he had deflowered eight fresh pussies out of them Six were Brahmmin pussies. He also clearly broadcasted the days he slept with Gowri or Kavita. There was no confusion on the date when he managed to bed Kavita in second innings. Very next day Prem said to Manu, "Pussy boy, try that guilt trip with your pretty wife. I bet her guilt kept her awake all night."
 
 
Prem was one-year junior to Kavita in college. She had physical relationship with him during college time. The first question is, was the relationship freak or did Prem loved Kavita? Prem had many sexual partners which was known to her.
 

Prem had hobby of photography which is costly to pursue. He had taken Rachna to Goa on weekend celebrations. Goa is costly place. Being a student, justifying such expenditure possible for two ways. Either he is from well off family or have source of income. Prem sited one reason for staying in Kavita’s houseas economy. Clearly, he had lied. He was a habitual liar for silly reasons as we see on 24th day evening, when Kavita went out for purchasing sanitary napkin. Prem locked the main door to bully Manu. Unfortunately, she returned early and asked for the reason for locking door. Prem lied to put the blame on Manu. So Prem was a habitual liar. This also proved that he was a coward. Kavita had intimate relationship with Prem. She had spent long 3 years with him in college. Prem’s nature of falsifying things were definitely known to Kavita.
 
Next come Rachna. She went to Goa with Prem on weekend just three weeks prior to her wedding. There could be two reasons for her excursion, either freak of being blackmailed. She was discoveredwith Prem in hotel room by her future husband Vipul. They had ugly confrontations. Vipul was thrashed in groin by Prem and Rachana saw Vipul leaving clutching his groin, and yelping in pain. It was not difficult for Rachna to imagine what transpired in hotel room, even though she may not have asked Prem. In spite of her painful knowledge, she continued spending weekend at Goa with Prem. Chances were high that her parents would be informed by Vipul. She ignored the risk. What motivated her staying back with Prem at Goa in a temporary relationship taking all risks? Only sexual pleasures?  Does not look convincing.  There could be possibility of blackmailing.
 
Subsequently she got married with Vipul and found him impotent. Without seeking divorce, Rachna continued sacrificing her life. So Rachna was a woman of solitude and morality. She shouldered the responsibility of Vipul’s impotency.  Responsibility is a trait does not grow overnight. It is intrinsic property of a person which blossoms over time in positive environment. If her weekend spending was for freak out, she would have returned back immediately on discovery by Vipul. She spent long six years with her impotent husband sacrificing her life. But, she decided not to pursue the case with security officer. The total scenario indicates extortion. Prem must have blackmailed her. We have seen her scanty clothed pictures with Prem in the Album of Prem.  What motivated Prem preserving her sensitive personal photos in his stock? Prem was not worshipping her with her obscene photos. Prem must have blackmailed her and it was not difficult for Kavita to guess.
 
Why a person would keep photos of his scanty clothed girlfriends of yester years even after their marriages, if he is good hearted person? If souvenir was concerned, he would keep decent photos for sweet memories. Definitely he was not doing for good purpose. Any leakage of these photos in wrong hand would mean destroying the lives of the concerned women. He made arrangements of displaying of scanty dressed photos of other women to Manu for fraudulent purpose. Good behaved persons would never do that. Also we can’t justify with love angle. If love was concerned, it could be just one or two. Prem’s sole purpose of preserving these photos was for fraudulent misuse only. If Prem could extort Manu with photos of Kavita, Rachna and other women, Possibility of him blackmailing Rachna stands good. So, if he could blackmail Rachna with her obscene photographs, why not blackmailing Kavita also with her photographs?

 
Prem was not successful in life. He was doing simple photography jobs with little remuneration. Chances of being son of affluent rich father did not fit. His album did not contain any snaps of artistic photographic values. He was just an ordinary photographer not earning handsome. We had seen him spending a lot in college days. Here he did spend a lot on Kavita. What was his source of income? This indicated possibility of some improper source of income.
 
He was bullying Manu physically on regular basis. He was bullying a person who was by far physically inferior in strength. He was threatening him of pulling out his testicles. This indicates the cowardness of a person, not only physically but mentally also. This also indicated sadist nature of Prem. Prem was a sadist. He always ensured Kavita’s absence to bully Manu. He was afraid of Kavita on something.
 
His sexual activities keeping Manu waiting outside or keeping a bed lamp on while doors are ajar during sex prove his sadism beyond doubt. We did not find any information to counter sadism against Prem character. So, Prem was a sadist.
 
All above indicates only one point. Prem was sadist, characterless, womaniser, coward, arrogant, mean minded, liar, fond of boasting virality and a failure in life.
 
On 56th day Monday, after Gowri made her 1st visit, Manu tried to contact Gowri. Prem thrashed Manu on his return for contacting Gowri. Prem was so enraged that Kavita had to bribe him with sex to pacify. Why Prem was so enraged? How Manu speaking to Gowri make any difference? Gowri being a modern educated woman must be speaking with a lot of men at office. The difference was in Manu’s knowledge. Manu could have spilled Prem’s actual relationship with his wife. We presumed Gowri was unaware of Prem’s relationship with Kavita. We get an echo of same in Kavita’s voice.
 
On 53rd day, Friday

{
Manu asked you, "So Gowri doesn't know about Prem and you, right?"
Kavita responded with some sarcasm, "Why would you say that, Manu? HOW do you get these insights into other people's minds?"
"Obviously, Kavi. You moved all your stuff back. You even dressed conservatively today, so Gowri shouldn't know or suspect the relationship between you and Prem. He hasn't told her about you, has he?"
"Of course he's told her about me, don't be silly! I have met her before, as a matter of fact."
After a small pause, Kavita finished with, "You and your assumptions, Manu!"
"You know what I mean, Kavi. I mean what's been happening for weeks now, in Prem's bed, between you and Prem."
"Oh you mean THAT, Manu! I'm not sure about that. Yeah, Gowri may not share your insights, that I'm Prem's bitch, that Prem is my boyfriend etc."
}
 
We concluded Gowri was unaware of Prem’s relationship with Kavita. Prem was playing some game with Gowri.
 
Next week Manu was projected as cuckold in presence of Gowri. Gowri, Kavita and Prem engaged in threesome. Just one week back, Kavita tried valiantly to hide her relationship with Prem from Gowri. Gowri was tongue tied and shy to speak to Manu. Prem thrashed Manu to debar him from contacting Gowri. Within four days Gowri agreed for threesome. Next morning, Gowri was found fully clothed, while other partners were near naked. Gowri agreed to participate in cuckolding Manu. Apparently, impossible! It was a camouflage.
 
On 54th day, during outing Manu had seen Prem touching Kavita inappropriately in presence of Gowri. Possible Gowri suspected foul play and suspicious. If Manu could be proved cuckold, it could give justifications for Prem touching Kavita. Theory appeared convincing. Gowri was guarded from talking to Manu. Unlike previous week, Manu was left in house during outing. More and more it proves, Gowri was being played. 
 
 
Did Prem love Kavita? If a man loves somebody, he will normally try to protect her from discomfort and humiliation. On 20th day, Sunday Prem fondled and groped Kavita in full public. On 26th Sunday, he had been seen fondling Kavita’s breasts in presence of Manu inside theater hall. It does not require any imagination of Prem’s activities inside theater hall during other times when Kavita visited with him alone. Prem was displaying Kavita as a public whore in public. If there exists any love, no person would do that to his loved ones. So, Prem never loved Kavita. This also confirmed sadist nature of Prem. But Why Kavita accepted self-humiliation?
 
There was another great proof that Prem did not love Kavita. He disrobed her in presence of AC crew member on Saturday, 33rd day. It was intentional, Kavita knew it in advance. Manu was threatened on previous day to choose either: resume sissy dress or get ready for a live show, a live show where his wife would be fucked in the hall right in front of AC crew. As Kavita also had prior intimation of the incident and still submitted to evil plan of Prem only indicates that Kavita was being extorted.
 
Did Kavita love Prem? After being displayed publicly as whore, no sensible woman can love that person who caused her public display. Especially, when the woman discovers her identity Is disclosed as happened in Kavita’s case on 26th day when she was identified none other than by Puja & Aslam, friends of her husband. Kavita knew, her relationship was no more secret. Information was about to explode in the society. She continued her relationship with Prem. Possibilities of extortion or mental disorder on part of Kavita was evident. We will examine further again. One part was sure, Kavita did not love Prem.
 
 
So, neither Prem loved Kavita nor Kavita loved Prem. Kavita was being extorted. Kavita was submitting to Prem most probably due to blackmailing. One source could have been her scanty clothed closeups with Prem.
 
 
Then why did Kavita invite Prem? Did Prem forced Kavita’s invitation? Or there could be some other reason? Next question was since when Kavita was being extorted?
 
Kavita submitted to Prem on 11th day, Friday in second innings. Why Prem had to wait for long 10 days to bed Kavita, if he could blackmail her to get invitation. Above all, Prem was interested only in her flesh. He did not love her. This indicated the possibility of invitation was on part of Kavita.  Then, why Kavita invited Prem with her full knowledge about Prem’s cruel character?
 
Was Prem interested in Kavita’s flesh only? Or he had more purposes?
If flesh was only motto, he was bedding her at his wish. He was not required to humiliate her in public. His sadist mentality could be one reason to humiliate her in public.
 
Let’s move to AC repair again.
 
Bangalore is not hot place. AC is normally not required at nights. If AC repair was only concerned, simply, Manu could have been asked to get it repaired. Prem forced Kavita to call his known repair crew. Why?
 
Prem is normal photographer without knowledge of AC. How he got acquainted with AC repair crew?  He fixed a repair date falls on Manu’s holiday. He claimed to Manu that he could fuck Kavita in the hall right in front of AC crew. Prem said, "If you try this silly defiance routine, P.B...you know what I CAN do...I CAN fuck your wife tomorrow, right in front of that repair crew that will be here..."How a person can claim so proudly of such heinous crimes to be performed in future? Next day Prem told Manu seeing his defiant mood, "You'll pay for this, P.B."
 
It was only possible, if and only if, he enjoyed absolute dominance on the woman he was talking about.It was possible if the woman was completely under his control. Prem demonstrated his dominance over Kavita in front of AC crew. So, Prem had control over Kavita. How he gained control? Extortion was only solution. Kavita was being blackmailed.
 
There always a chance that AC crew members could leak the information to outside creating problem for Prem. So, he had to call the people on whom he could depend, better to say he could dominate. This also grows suspicion that his illegal income had connection with AC crew members.
 
He was enjoying sex with Kavita regularly at his wish and will proving his dominance. Why he needed presence of AC crew? Sadism was one reason obviously. If sadism was only reason, Prem could have feasted on Kavita in hotel or somewhere else in presence of his friends and accomplices. He could have shared her with others to enhance his pleasure. He did not. He required presence of Manu. He wanted to break the mental strength of Manu.Prem’s all activities accentuate the same. Break mental strength of Manu.
 
By disrobing Kavita in presence of AC crew member, Prem send one message to Kavita also. Disobeying him can lead to mass outrage. He was capable of doing that.
 
So, only flesh was not his only motto. He had agenda far outwitting sex.
 
We observe same tendency on the day of him first time bedded Kavita.
 
It was on 11th day, Friday.
Manu was sent to get parcel food. He was not likely to come back early. Prem had a lot of time to quench his lust well before return of Manu.  Prem did not initiate intercourse. He delayed for Manu to return back. He wanted Manu to witness. He wanted to break his mental resolve.
 
We observed same repeatedly during Manu’s handicapped condition. He was made to wait outside, while Prem forced Kavita to surrender. If only sex was his intention, he could easily engage with her in dead of night or daytime during absence of Manu.

 
Even after Kavita shifted, Prem kept the door open for Manu to witness. Only sex with Kavita was not important, breaking the spirit of Manu was also equally important for Prem.
 
*****
 
 
Kavita:
 
We analysed Kavita drawing references of above analysis.
 
Kavita was fashion conscious. We discover Kavita in college along with Prem, one year junior to Kavita. Prem was a tomboy with many girlfriends. He had some improper source of income.   Kavita was well aware of Prem’s character.  Rachna always reminded her about cruel mentality of Prem.

Her physical involvement with Prem could be due to extortion, experiment with sex, love or pure lust. Prem could photograph her in intimate revealing dress.
 
 
Kavita got married after two years of her passing out. Prem was not attendee. Before marriage with Manu, Kavita ensured her share in properties and money.
 
We find Kavita after marriage during honeymoon. She was bubbling in youthful excitement. Shortly we find her dejected with her sexual life. She did not enforce divorce and continued her marital life for long three years in US. Interestingly, she did not show any interest in job also.  We observe her inclination for children. Strangely, she did not consult experts and refused Manu’s offer of getting himself examined. She was sure that she was medically fit and could not get pregnant due to impotency of Manu. Her self-confidence on her virility creates doubt. Kavita was believer of God. Seeing Manu’s embarrassment, she said, "Don't worry, what needs to happen will happen, if God's willing".
 
We analysed Kavita’s behaviour in details. All logical questions were needed to be solved. Her contradictory behaviours were clearly evident. She was hiding her true motive. We re-created a few  scenarios to fit her enigmatic behaviour.
 
 
She paused for my response. She lowered her tone and continued firmly, “What puzzled me was her contradictory behaviour. She did not show any intention for divorce.  She always professed her love to Manu.
 
For examples:
 
 
On 20th Sunday,

{
Kavita then spoke, "I was proud of you Manu. It takes a REAL MAN to say sorry when he knows he is wrong."
I looked at her, but I could detect no sarcasm in her expression. Just the radiant, beaming smile.
I embraced her and said, "I love you, Kavi. I don't want to lose you."
She held me tight and said, "Don't be silly, why would you lose me?"
}
 
On 21st Monday

{
She looked at me and said, "I know you've had performance issues in bed too, Manu. But please don't put yourself in a situation like Vipul, OK? It’s different for us now, we've been married 4 years, it's not like I'll leave you just because you have performance issues. But still, it will be very hard for me if you put yourself in a stupid situation and something happens like it happened to Vipul."
I now started understanding what she was leading me to. I stared at her open-mouthed.
I couldn't believe my wife was telling me this, that too in this matter-of-fact manner.
"So, try to be proactive from your side in avoiding confrontation with Prem, OK?"
Having said that, she got up from the bed and went to the hall, leaving me in a cold sweat.
}
 
On 33rd Saturday,
 
{
She sat beside me on the bed, by the side of my feet.
There was a long silence.
She broke the silence finally, with, "Let me ask you first: do you hate me now, Manu?"
I stared at her.
And then I realized what she was doing. Playing passive-aggressive.
I spat back, "YOU sleep with another man, Kavi. A man who bullies me all the time, and enjoys humiliating me. You join him and rub it in my face. And you're accusing ME of hating you?"
She asked, "So do you think I hate you, Manu?"
I stared at her again.
"I don't know if you hate me, Kavi. But I know you despise me. You have no respect for me. And I don't think you love me."
She asked, after a pause, "So you think I've been living with you all these years, without loving you?"
}

 
On 35th day Monday

 {
She took my silence for assent and continued, "Manu, I need my question answered. This current discussion isn't getting us anywhere. I know I love you, and I tell you I love you. But I cannot MAKE you believe it, not at this point."
}
 
53rd Friday

 {
"I didn't say so, Kavi. I said your relationship with him now, is just LIKE when he was your boyfriend. But you obviously enjoy torturing me, so do what you like."
"Manu darling, I don't enjoy torturing you, please don't say such hurtful things. Why is this torturing you anyway? I wasn't aware you were finding it torturous." I smirked at her pretentiousness, gave her a cold look, but didn't say anything. She continued, "So why do you find it torturous, darling?"
"You know why, Kavi. First off, there's the trivial fact that you're SLEEPING with HIM right in front of me. And now that you're where you are now, he'll be your boyfriend for the time being, and next thing, you'll leave me and run away with him. That's what's coming, I know it, and you know it. "
"Oh my god, Manu! You found out my secret plans!!!"
}

 
Kavita’s actions also followed same path. She had never shown any intention to leave Manu.
 
One of the possible reasons could have been social stigma and the other one could have been her love. Psychological aberration was also not ruled out. Whatever be the reasons, Kavita had decided to remain married with Manu.”
 
 
******
 
Manu was not performing in bed since marriage. For long four years she did not involve in adultery. Opportunities were plenty in US.  The source of information suggests Kavita had no extramarital affairs as well as she did not fall for sex toys.  Before arrival of Prem, Arun had tried to be intimated with Kavita. It was very easy for her quenching her physical thirstiness very easily through Arun. She did not budge. So, she was not sex hungry.  After shifting to Bangalore, life of Kavita continued in same manner. She continued carrying out all household activities of her own. Rather, her sex life improved. Manu could give her orgasm by oral and he never mentioned about she being vocal during her orgasmic bliss.
 
On 23rd day Wednesday, Prem arranged creampie for Manu. Kavita performed Prem’s planning but additionally given blowjob to Manu for the first time. Kavita had her best orgasm of life.
 
Manu had described her orgasm, “And right then, her thighs tightened and her pelvis started quivering like I had seen when she was having her climax.”
 
Manu further remembers:

{
Kavita now spoke in an exhausted sounding voice, "Manu?"
I couldn't speak, as her pussy was still resting on my mouth.
I made a sound to the extent I could, "Mmmm hmmm?"
"I hope it was good for you."
I nodded. As I did, she wiggled her ass moving her pussy left and right, and giggled, "You naughty boy! Am done already, don't do it AGAIN!"
Apparently she had felt my nodding. I had rubbed her clit trying to nod.
}

She continued, "Am glad it was good for you, because it was the BEST EVER for me so far, in our 4 years of marriage."


On 25th Friday, Prem made wine party and enjoyed Kavita in the hall keeping Manu captivated in his room. Later Manu brings Kavita to spectacular orgasm by cunnilingus. Manu felt her thighs start shuddering, as they did when she had an orgasm. At late night after recovery she whispered, "That was good last night, Manu, thanks!"
 
The above incidents open up a lot of truth.
 
 
First: Manu can bring spectacular orgasm to Kavita, when she is sufficiently aroused.
Second: Kavita accepted that it was the best orgasm in her life in four years.
Third: During best orgasm, she was not vocal loudly.
 
It means, during copulation with Prem, her loud moaning was not due to orgasmic pleasure. Was it due to her scream in pain?
 
Kavita always screamed, “Slow please, Amir.”
 
Manu indicated that Prem was huge, around 8 inches. It was far bigger than average length of 5.2 inches. It could be a cause of painful intercourse of average women. Manu heard scream of Gowri. Manu always heard Kavita moaning, “Slow please, Amir!” Possibly Manu construed her screams as her pleasure moans. We needed medical examination of Kavita to prove the same.
 
 
 
*****
 
 
 
She had physical relationship with Prem earlier. She could easily sleep with Prem hiding it from Manu. She worked against it.
 
So, Kavita’s reconnection with Prem was not for meager physical pleasure.
 
One possibility was psychological. The sadistic approach was very convincing. The Sadism is about getting sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on someone. The physical & psychological torture inflicted on Manu justified sadism. The chronological incidences also supported same.
 
We observe same tendency again. On 11th day Prem had sex with Kavita after sending Manu to fetch food parcel.  Manu had taken a lot of time to return back. They could have finished their extravaganza well before return of Manu. Circumstantial evidence indicates, they purposefully delayed for Manu’s return. A clear indication of keeping Manu informed.
 
On 12th day, Kavita forced Manu to wash her Bra Panty to give a clear message.
 
On 18th Kavita allows Manu’s early return from office only to send him back to get food for Prem. Again, Manu was made to witness their carnal pleasure and loud moaning. Manu interfered by long repeated pressing of calling bell. Aftermath, Manu was forced to behave like a subservient sissy cuckold servant.
 
On 19th Kavita forced Manu out in pretext of getting eggs to have sex with Prem and subsequently doing laundry to ensure his knowledge up-gradation on her previous sexual encounters with Prem.
 
The display of sexual activities behind the curtain continued till Kavita shifted to Prem’s bedroom.
 
Even after shifting to Prem, Manu was made to witness by providing bed lamp and keeping the door open.
 
All above were clear examples of sadistic pleasure. But we simultaneously witnessed contradictory behaviour.
 
Same 19th night Kavita avoided confrontation of Manu by coming out of bedroom. She witnessed slapping by Prem to Manu. She had proof that Prem was bullying Manu. She saved Manu from Prem’s torture.
 
On 21st Prem injured Manu. Kavita took him to hospital for medical treatment.
 
Till removal of Manu’s cast on 32nd Kavita took care of Manu from bath to dressing.
 
In between Kavita saved Manu from Prem’s torture.
 
On 56th day, Monday immediate after Gowri’s first visit, Prem was tormenting Manu for contacting Gowri. Kavita pacified Prem by bribing sex. She saved Manu from further torture.
 
 
Apparent gratification of sexual pleasure out of sadism could not be established by Kavita’s constant efforts of guarding her husband against physical torture by Prem. It was most unbecoming behaviour of a sadist. Kavita did not derive sadistic pleasure.
 
There were only two options left. She was behaving sadist either by force or willingly due to a deep-rooted motive to achieve something.
 
 
 
*****
 
Kavita was afraid of Prem.
 
On 56th day, Monday, Manu tried to contact Gowri. Prem enraged, returned early to punish Manu. Kavita got the information.
 
When Manu returned, she opened the door for Manu.
As Manu walked in, Kavita spoke in a hissed whisper, "Manu, did you SMS Gowri?"
 
 During Prem’s blatant attack Manu describes
 
{
And then he did it again. And again, and again.
I couldn't control my tears any more.
Kavita had been watching this scene silently, as though in frozen fascination.
She finally spoke, "Prem, that's enough, he knows not to do it next time, let it go, please?"
Amir snarled as he spoke, "I don't think he's learned his lesson, Kavi."
She then spoke to me, "Manu, tell him you're sorry for contacting Gowri."
I couldn't do it. I didn't want to, but my tongue was tied up anyway.
My tongue was tied up, because of Kavita's attitude.
She seemed completely nonchalant to Amir's blatant, unreasonable, inhuman behaviour with me, right in front of her eyes.
I felt smaller than I had ever felt, since Amir had moved in.
I had always subconsciously FELT that she was completely aware of what Amir had been doing to me, even though she CLAIMED to not know it.
Now, she could no longer use any such pretense.
I had been thinking long enough, because Amir presently said, "See, Kavi?"
And then he did it again.
I had had enough. I just wanted it to stop, so I could be left alone.
With no sincerity, I just said the words, "Sorry Amir, I won't contact Gowri again without your permission."
Kavita clicked her tongue disapprovingly.
I corrected myself, "Sorry, I meant sorry Prem."
Kavita presently walked up to Amir, and stroked him on his chest.
She said, "Let it go, lover-boy. Let him go this time."
Amir stood there with his arm raised.
Kavita then started nuzzling up to his chest, and said, "Mmmm....lover-boy, don't be so angry, let's go to bed."
At this, Amir finally lowered his hand, and looked down at her and grinned.
Amir then put his arm around Kavita's bare waist, and gave me a contemptuous look, before they started walking towards Amir's bedroom.
}
 
The above incident clearly speaks Kavita was not in charge. She was afraid. She bribed sex to pacify Prem. Prem was in control.
 
*******
 
Check these particular incidents
 
 
On 25th late evening, Prem and Kavita had liquor party and they had sex keeping Manu captivated . Subsequently we see, Prem forcing Manu creampie. He also observes Kavita getting spectacular orgasm through Manu’s Cunnilingus.


On 26th Saturday morning, Manu describes incidents as he remembers
 
{
As we finished up our bath, Kavita asked me to step aside from the shower area.
She then opened the water, and let the water run.
I was puzzled by her behaviour. I couldn't understand why she was doing it.
She presently stepped up to me and whispered, "Manu, I want you to promise me one thing."
I looked at her quizzically.
She whispered again, "No matter how Prem might provoke you with words or actions, do NOT mention, suggest or discuss with him, what happened on Wednesday night, OK?"
I couldn't understand her instructions at all. Especially because, I wasn't going to discuss it with him anyway.
I couldn't hold my curiosity, though. I asked, "Why, Kavi?"
She gave me a pitying look, then said, "Because I don't want you ending up with more broken bones or limbs."
}
 
 
So Kavita was afraid of Prem knowing that she had given blowjob to Manu.  How she knew that Prem would not approve her giving head to Manu?  That is also after 3 days of the incident? Prem must have indicated by gesture or expressed explicitly.
 
Clearly Kavita was cautioned not to indulge in any sexual activities with Manu and Kavita was afraid.

 
 
On 29th Tuesday

{
I called her later that day from work, and told her, "Kavi, I am going to get my cast off today, or tomorrow."
She was shocked, "Why, Manu? The doctor said 2-3 weeks."
I said, "My arm feels fine, Kavi. I feel no pain. I don't think it's a fracture."
She tried to persuade me, as I expected, "Come on Manu. Wait till Monday, you'll at least complete 2 weeks as the doctor said."
I stayed firm, and invented creatively, "No, Kavi. I want my arm off the cast. And I want to start going to the gym ASAP."
She spluttered, "Have you gone crazy, Manu? The doctor said NO stress for 3 weeks even after the cast is removed. You CAN'T start straining your arm so soon!"
I took a deep breath.
Not only was it true, it shook up my foundations a little.
By then, I was feeling bitter about her role in today morning's beating.
She had let Amir come back home to beat me up. She must have given him her key.
She knew then, what he was doing, and why. And she didn't stop him.
But her response now indicated she cared for my well-being.
I could understand her behaviour, attitude no more than the day she 'defied' me to wear those obscenely tight pants.
Still, what she said did make some sense. I relented partially, "All right, I'll wait on joining a gym, but I am getting the cast off today, or tomorrow."
She tried one more time, "Manu, wait a couple more days please? At-least Friday? Just to be safe, in case it WAS a fracture? You know if it WAS a fracture, you'll have your arm in a cast later, and for a longer time too!"
I sighed. I didn't expect to get attacked again in two days. I supposed I could do it Friday.
I said, "All right, Friday then. I'll call the doctor and ask for an appointment."
She continued, "Also ask him to also schedule an X-Ray. Just to be safe, Manu."
I gulped.
I thought to myself, "Goddammit, Kavi, do you care for me?"
"If so, why do you let Amir do all this to me?"
I spoke instead, "OK, I will, Kavi."
"In any case, Manu, why do you want to join a gym now?"
"You know why, Kavi."
"No, Manu. Please tell me why."
"Because I'm tired of being pushed around by your Prem, that's why."
"Manu, you're being silly. Prem has been working out for YEARS. You can start working out now, and if you get into a fight with him, he'll still probably break your bones. He won't be staying with us forever, PLEASE don't start working out with an intention to pick a fight with Prem, OK?"
"Kavi, I won't pick a fight, but if he starts a fight, I want to fight back, I want to be able to fight back, OK?"
"So is your problem, what you had told me earlier? That Prem picks fights with you, sometimes?"
I took a deep breath.
"Yes. He picked a fight with me today morning, Kavi."
"I'll talk to him, Manu. I didn't know he had done this. I'll warn him to not do it again, OK?"
I didn't believe her. I suspected she was lying. She probably knew it. She probably had been conniving with him.
I spoke after a few moments, "OK, Kavi. I still want to join a gym and be prepared better to defend myself."
"Don't be silly, Manu. You'll only be looking for a fight. Do join a gym, but do it after Prem leaves, OK? I don't want more fights. I'll talk to him, and make sure he doesn't start up an unprovoked fight with you, OK?"
}
 
 
On 43rd day, early morning Manu finds Kavita giving blowjob to Prem. She was naked while Prem was in underwear.
On 44th day Manu reaffirms getting up early morning.  Again, she was naked while Prem was in underwear.

Manu had seen above by chance. There was no attempts from Kavita to publish it to Manu.
 
Manu had never seen Kavita sleeping naked. People develop a sleeping habit difficult to come out of it. What made Kavita to be naked in bed while Prem in underwear. Kavita had changed her sleeping habit within ten days of her shifting to Prem. The reason? Only possible, if she was forced to do so.
 
 
The above incidents open up a lot of truth.
 

First: Kavita was afraid of Prem knowing that leakage of information of her giving Manu blow job could be disastrous. So, Kavita was not in charge. She was afraid of Prem.

Second: Kavita was safeguarding Manu from Prem’s provoked bullying. An indication of absence from sadism.
 
 
 
****
 
We viewed in depth the creampie scenario again
 
On 23rd Prem made arrangement for creampie to derive pleasure out of it. Fine. It reinforces his sadistic mentality. On 25th he repeats same again. Further reinforces his character. The question is what made him refrain from enjoying this pleasure? We observe, no more creampie scenario which should have been repeating.
 
On 25th Prem forced Manu in creampie standing right beside him after liquqr party. Apparently, Kavita was orgasmed twice a short while ago. Her reaching to orgasm again by Manu was witnessed by Prem. He observed his woman attaining spectacular orgasm through a person whom he does not consider a man, who is Pussy Boy as per him. PB could bring his bitch to a better orgasm. It touched his ego. He could neither accept or reject his observation.
 
On immediate reaction, next morning on 26th, he debarred Kavita allowing Manu touching her sexually. Possibly, he had threatened Kavita. We observe chain reaction from Kavita during her bath with Manu on same morning.
 
Prem wanted to be sure that Kavita does not get orgasm by Manu. He decided to shift his woman to his room to separate her from her husband to eliminate all chances. He could have shifted her immediately. He did not. His ego played here. Immediate shifting could expose him to Kavita of his weakness. He made elaborate planning for her shifting and forced Kavita to call his known AC repair crew. He also arranged for her tattoo on same day to pronounce his domination. More so to boost his own ego.
 
We observe three distinct decision by Prem after witnessing Manu’s performance.
 
1st: He debarred Kavita allowing Manu touching her in future
2nd: He decided to shift Kavita to his room
3rd: He decided not to perform creampie again.
 
So Prem was lacking confidence in his sexual skills to win over Kavita.  Did Kavita orgasm by Prem? If not, why?

---

******

[manasi]

Exactly... . I believe....  Mansi knows original story deeply, even more deeply then the original writer

Keep posting dear..  waiting for more... Eagerly

I think, its time for me to open up my personal belief.

When I said every story have minimum five faces, I said it from my belief. And I do stick to it.

I am basically a person non-believing in God but never denied the persons who believed. Though I don't believe in God, but keep on visiting all types of worship places irrespective of any religion.

From science background I believe more on forces such as motive,  emotional outbursts etc on human behaviour. I never claimed to know the original story deeply leaving aside more deeply than the original writer. My position is in the 4th category of the faces who claims to understands about this story.

The history behind my writing this tribute may be known to many. Still I repeat.

In one of thread in XOSSIPY I felt pain of character assassination of protagonist Kavita, Manu, Prem and Gowri. I thought it odd. I protested. I protested in very unbecoming way. I did try to influence the writer in my way. I made a great mistake. I presented my protest in the form of a continuing episode. I apologize to the writer of that thread.

I should have been banned from the forum for my audacity. Fortunately, the moderator took lightly and removed my postings. Even, they did not admonish me. I must be grateful to them.

While I felt sorry for my audacity, at the same time I was feeling bad for indiansubmale. Due to unknown reasons he did not complete the story. Somehow, it appeared to me that it was not entirely based on imagination, there could be some truth. When a few readers of this forum made a request for opening a new thread to post my views, I thought, let's try. My tribute is result of that.

Whatever I have written is my logical analysis. I may be wrong at many places. I may be entirely wrong in my analysis. At no point, I have ever tried to glorify or malign any character. I presented them as they appeared to me logically as per my apprehension. Always I made my sincere request to all the readers to prove me wrong in logically conclusive method, so that I understands in better way about my mistakes.

Believe me, sincerely I accept, I have no knowledge about the original story or the writer. I am sorry, if my writing has generated such false propaganda.


Anyway, I am almost at the end of this tribute. I don't need any motive to complete it in time except my promise to self. At some point, I was afraid, I may miss the target. Now, I am confident of finishing by year end. I am a happy and contented person to myself on the achievement.


I give here schedule for next updates. This should help all the followers not to visit unnecessarily for an update.

Chapter 34.8 will be published on 17/12/2020 and 34.9 on 18/12/2020.
Chapter 35.1 will be on 26/12/2020 and  35.2 on 31/12/2020 unless I find a setback from technical front like power and internet failures.


Have nice time

[manasi]

34.8
Kavita

 




We had observed sexual pattern of Prem. From  22nd day to 31st day Manu was dropped outside house to fetch flower while Prem engaged with Kavita in sexual union.
 
Biologically, a woman requires more foreplay to get excited and lubricated. By pattern, we observed no time was spent on foreplay. On 33rd day also we observed no foreplay before Prem engaged Kavita in intercourse.  If a woman is forced in intercourse without lubrication, she would remain sore with wounds making her absolutely out of activity for days. In rappe related incidents, same thing happens.
 
Kavita’s sexual union pattern from  22nd day to 31st day suggests she was lubricated. There was no foreplay to excite her producing lubrication. So source of lubrication could be either external or self lubrication out of drug effect.
 
We looked back to the incidents of 18th day Friday.
 
 
{
Manu called Kavita in the afternoon. She picked up the phone at once, like she had been waiting for his call.
She said, "Yes Manu?"
"Kavi, I think I'll come home early today. Just thought I'll call you so you haven't gone out or something."
She said in a husky voice,
"Nooo, am not going anywhere today. Do come home soon, Manu. I've missed you."
Her words voice sent me racing. Surely she was sounding interested in sex.
}
 
Manu could assess the sexual feeling from Kavita’s voice.  Kavita was immersed in sexual thoughts not only physically but mentally also. This could be possible source of her lubrication. She could be drugged. One possibility could have been presence of Prem with Kavita at that particular time engaged with sex. The possibility was ruled out as Kavita lifted the phone without delay and asked Manu to join her, without thinking.  So Prem was not present at that instant when Manu called Kavita.
 
We paced a few more days further backwards.
 
On 9th day Wednesday,  Manu returned early to find Kavita giving oil massage to Prem in skirt-blouse. Subsequently, we find Kavita being fondled by Prem late evening after dinner. She soaked her panty completely.  Subsequently, she wetted her skirt also. So much natural secretion calls for abnormality as Bartholin's glands responsible for vagina lubrication normally produce around 5 ml fluid per day.  5 ml can't wet a panty and then a skirt. The incidents suggested for drugs. Possibly she was being drugged.

 
Before arrival of Prem,  Kavita had withdrawn sex with Manu.  On the day of Prem’s arrival, Manu initiated sex with Kavita at night. She stopped him saying, "Hush, we can't do it tonight, Prem's just arrived and in the other room, he might hear us." Clearly, she was avoiding sex with Manu for some reason.
 
Within week, on 7th, 8th and 10th we find Kavita initiates sex with Manu. Her resolve of not having sex with Manu had vanished. All of a sudden, sge was looking for sex. She was in captivated with physical desire. 

The overall scenario strongly supports for drugs.


***

AC Repair
 
Let’s analyze AC repair from Kavita point of view.
 
AC repair date was fixed on 33rd day, Saturday well before Manu decided to remove his cast premature.  On 27th Sunday Kavita ask Manu to call AC repair crew whereas Manu expressed his mind of cast removal on 29th Tuesday. So AC repair and Kavita’s shifting was not related to Manu’s cast removal.
 
Prem had hidden agenda to call known AC crew as already explained. Why Kavita accepted repair of AC by known crew recommended by Prem? The AC’s were installed just one year back and must be covered by warranty. It’s natural to call the agency for repair who installed the AC’s. Prem planned to call his friends by Manu. Prem wanted to demonstrate his domination in presence of his friends. So, Kavita was forced and she could be forced only if she was coerced.
 
On 28th day, 31st day and 32nd day Kavita ensured about appointment of AC repair with that particular crew. Her last moment change of dress on 33rd day clearly indicates, she had pretty idea of incidents may happen on 33rd day. So, she was part of the planning and actively participated. She could be manipulated by force against her wish also.


 
Manu removed his cast on 32nd day. He did not inform her time of appointment. She found out time and escorted him to hospital. If she had no care and love for Manu, why she took so much pain? She confirmed appointment, drove the car, ignored Manu’s refusals of accepting her phone calls. So, she cared. Immediately on coming back, she insisted him to resort to sissy dressing again.  She had knowledge of Manu’s constant refusal of sissy dressing. On his refusal, she manipulated again with Vipul’s story and requested him to be proactive. "I'm advising you in YOUR interest, Manu. I'd rather not see what happened to Vipul happen to you. And it could get worse, if you really want to get into physical fights with someone you KNOW is..." In the night she was happy seeing Manu in sissy dressing. She snuggled up to him and said, "Am glad you did the sensible thing, Manu. Besides, these clothes do suit you well."She did not care for Manu. Contradiction! Only possible, if and only if she was coerced, she was forced to force Manu.
 
Let’s see the morning incidents of 33rd day.
 
Kavita advanced breakfast. When Manu told her that AC repair crew on their way, she screeched,
"Oh my God, why didn't you tell me? I haven't even had my bath yet!"She hurriedly moved to change her dress on getting information about the AC repair crew on way. She dressed in provocative sari wrapped in seductive manner with backless blouse and without bra. It’s quite unnatural behaviour on behalf of host for guests like simple AC crew. She got herself introduced and forcefully served tea to them. Next, she allowed Prem to fondle her in presence of Crew member. It looked like a well written script being played. Then finally she allowed Prem to bed her in presence of her husband for first time. Not only that, she allowed to keep the door open.
 
Now, even the whores are reluctant to get disrobed in presence of third unknown members. They also close the door for privacy.  What made Kavita behave worse than whores? How was she being benefitted out of these?
 
Two possibilities are there. She was doing all these willingly or she was forced to comply.
 
Let’s check, she was doing willingly.

Pros:
To create a reason to shift to Prem:  Prem was bedding her at his will and the same was known to all three. She did not require to disgrace her further for such simple cause.
She enjoyed sadistic pleasure: Definitely possible provided she did not love and care Manu. Contradiction! She cared for Manu before shifting and continued caring even after shifting. So, she did not enjoy sadistic pleasure. Even if we accept her sadistic pleasure, let’s see the cons.

Cons:
She was being disgraced in presence of unknown persons.
She was allowing Prem to demonstrate his dominance over her.
She was creating irreparable damage to her relationship.
She carried the risk to get exposed to the society.
She carried the risk of forced sex by others.
She carried the risk of defaming her husband paving the way for him lose job and livelihood.
She was making it difficult for respectful living in the area.
She was carrying a greater risk of losing her husband by way of his mental disorder or still worse.
She was taking a risk of getting implemented in law.
 
The risk she was taking much higher than the sadistic pleasure she could get.
 
So she did not participate willingly. She was forced. She was blackmailed and coerced to behave.
  


Kavita was consistently following up about the AC repair appointment. Her follow-up pattern indicated that world would cease to exist if the AC repair crew miss the appointment. Was she expecting a disaster in her life in the event of non-visit by AC repair crew? What type of disaster and source of disaster? 
 
The source was obviously Prem. We have observed the type of disaster with the visit of AC crew member. Something deadlier than that. Probably she was threatened to be shared with others.



*********
 
On 43rd day, early morning Manu finds Kavita giving blowjob to Prem.
On 44th day Manu reaffirms getting up early morning. Later Kavita phones Manu. Their conversations were like these:
Manu asked, "Kavi...how long are you going to be staying with Prem?"
Kavita replied, "Until you give me an answer to my question that I can reconcile with, Manu."
"Come on, Kavi. You're not staying with Prem BECAUSE I hid something from you, is it?"
"I never said that, Manu. Don't put words in my mouth, OK?"
 
So, Kavita unknowingly, accepted that, she was staying with Prem for purpose other than something appeared hid by Manu. Kavita’s sleeping with Prem was not consequences of Manu’s hiding of facts of incidents on 5th day though she always manipulated Manu psychologically on same incident. Even the logic she provided on 33rd day before shifting to Prem was wrong.
**********
 
 
 
We examined further waving above information’s.
 
 
Kavita withheld advance information of Prem’s visit to Manu. She dressed seductively on the day to receive Prem. She resumed her pills. From day one she showed her intimacy with Prem. As per Manu’s observation, in the very initial period, she had been found to control her sexual urge, while Prem was relentlessly trying to seduce her.
 
 
On 5th day Kavita found Manu coming out of Prem’s room and hiding something. From 7th onward Manu was forced in sissy dressing. At the same time, Kavita changed into seductive body revealing dress.
 
Her resumption of pills was direct indication of her inclination to avoid pregnancy. Also, she avoided sex with Prem. If Prem had blackmailed her, he no longer required to seduce her. If Kavita was willing partner, why she had to control her emotions? She could very well find opportunity to sleep with Prem without Manu’s knowledge.
 
So, Kavita was not coerced in the beginning.
 
 
Only one thing was clear. Kavita was making a display of her intimacy with Prem. She wanted Manu to be aware of her relationship with Prem. She wanted to send a message to Manu. To Kavita, it was not important to sleep with Prem. It was important to inform Manu about her relationship with Prem.
 
 
Subsequently, Kavita was coerced. She was afraid of Prem.

When Kavita was blackmailed?

 
At later stage we find, Kavita was confident of sending Prem out.


Kavita clearly specified 3 weeks period of Prem’s vacation.

 
Pretty complicated scenario.
 
***
 
We analyzed the incidents to search for probable date of Kavita’s blackmailing.
 
Whenever a predator blackmails a victim, generally he punches on the victim repeatedly to break his / her mental resolve.  Predator dominates the victim in such a way that the victim should be afraid of raising any counter attack opposing the predator.
 
On 11th Kavita had sex with Prem first time in second innings with direct knowledge of Manu. Then it happened on 16th and 17th without direct knowledge of Manu. On both the days Prem had gone for Gowri and sex with Kavita happened in night after Prem’s return.
 
On 18th we observe a lot.
 
Manu proposed to came early over telephone and Kavita accepts immediately. Circumstances indicate non availability of Prem with Kavita at the time of phone call. Manu get SMS of Prem asking for getting food from Mughlai restaurant, a clear indication of Prem having knowledge of Manu’s return. Possible only if Kavita informs Prem or Prem visits house and get knowledge. Kavita informing Prem suggests her sadistic behaviour which Kavita didn’t have. So, Prem visited house and got information about Manu’s early return.
 
Rest of the incidents followed matches with sadistic mentality of Prem. Sexual union was delayed till return of Manu so that he witnesses. Kavita submitted to Prem’s planning meekly. Possibility of extortion is not ruled out. Manu was forced to behave like a servant. Unlike previous occasions, Kavita had food before Manu.
 
19th morning Prem bedded Kavita sending Manu out for getting eggs. Prem forced Kavita for outing engaging Manu in laundry. In the night, Manu was bullied in very presence of Kavita at night. She was engaged in sex at night.
 
20th Morning Kavita forced Manu to apologize to Prem without citing authentic reasons. She was forced to dress obscenely. Evening Manu appolized.
 
21st Prem injured Manu. On the way to hospital, Prem suggested for vacating. Kavita did not accept Prem’s proposal and on return she advised Manu to adopt proactive approaches while dealing Prem. She gave example of Prem’s cruelty narrating story of Racna & Vipul.
 
As sadistic behaviour of Kavita was ruled out, only argument could justify the above incidents was Kavita was blackmailed and most probably it happened on 18th Friday, before Manu returned home early. All incidents followed aftermath showed Kavita’s in captivation in terror.



***
 
We concentrated further
 
The day Prem reached, Kavita received him in station seductively dressed. She displayed all efforts showcase her intimacy. Prem was fondling her, groping her constantly with her apparent approval. One possible case could have been her extortion by Prem. But as it had been witnessed by Manu, she had tried valiantly not to be bedded by Prem. If Prem extorted her from the beginning, he would not have waited for so long to bed Kavita. So, definitely she was not subjected to extortion in the beginning. She was interested in publishing her intimacy with Prem but was not akin to sleep with him. Again, she resumed her pill before Prem reached. So, she was convinced that under certain situations, she could be sleeping with Prem but wanted to avoid pregnancy.
 
This also led to another interesting conclusion. Whatever be the reason, Kavita was sure of her virility. Manu’s virility was proved in lab. She was fond of children. Manu informed that Kavita was keen to get pregnant. She was not on any birth control measure. What was the obstacle for her not getting pregnant? Leaving aside nature’s uncertainty, there could be only two reasons. Either she was on birth control measure unknown to Manu or she had some medical issues unknown to her.
 
The first indicates her unwillingness to bear Manu’s children. This was possible, provided she disliked Manu at core of her heart. No human can pretend love suppressing hatred for long four years. Manu confirmed in four years of married life, Kavita always loved him. If she could hide her birth control technique from her husband for 4 years, what made her publish same with Prem’s arrivals? Also, if she was akin to bear someone else’s child, why she waited for one year after relocation in India? Not convincing.
 
Most probably Kavita had some medical issues unknown to her.
 
This again led to another probability. Kavita had medical issues unknown to her. So, she could not get pregnant by Manu but held him responsible. But she was mad for motherhood. From my professional experience I had seen the erratic behaviour and unpredictable reactions by women for attaining motherhood. One of the major causes for adultery among married women was childlessness. Possibly, she invited Prem for attaining motherhood. Definitely, Prem was best bet as she had already slept with him. In that case, reason for taking pills could be camouflaging her husband. Only medical test could confirm her virility.
 
 
Easily she could have kept her affairs secret. Only quenching physical needs call for secrecy. We doubted on Kavita’s love for her husband. It was expected not to cause pain to the loved ones. Her attitude was different. From the day one itself, she was keen to publish her adultery to her husband. She was determined to get her affair known and accepted by him. She manipulated him to wear women’s dress.  So, she had a predetermined purpose. She was getting uninhibited physical pleasure, even before her shifting to Prem. Still, she continued humiliation & manipulation. She was risking her life. Getting Physical satisfaction was not her ultimate motive. She had denied Arun. Her aim was to demoralize Manu. Her behaviour generally reflects to sadism.
 
 
The logic failed by her behaviour, after her shifting to Prem’s room. She stopped forcing her husband wearing sissy dressing. There was no purposeful deliberate humiliation except arranging bed lamp. That also she did only after being threatened by Manu about inviting his parents. She continued managing household activities single handed. Prem was bullying Manu and Kavita was aware of it. She was trying her best to protect him from his physical torture. A sadist would not spoil chances to derive sadistic pleasure by utilising all resources. Kavita’s sadism was ruled out. Kavita was not sadist.
 
There are instances, where Kavita was afraid of Prem. She took all care not to be heard by Prem while cautioning her husband. To avoid physical fight with Prem, she advised him to be proactive. She advised him not to be provoked by Prem’s words or actions. To make him aware of Prem’s cruelty, she told the story of Vipul & Rachna.  At the same time, she was not accepting his demand of vacating Prem. Shewas clueless on any time frame. Only hope she had that, Prem would not stay long and some day he would vacate. All above indicated only one thing, she was afraid, she was being coerced. This indicates, Kavita had been blackmailed subsequently after Prem’s arrival.
 
Kavita’s behaviour nosedived on second visit of Gowri. Mere comparison of Gowri’s 1st visit and 2nd visit clearly indicates of roll playing. Manu was fooled by circumstances and his quandary mental state. It was an attempt to project him as cuckold. Kavita dressed like a concubine. Manipulated her husband wear sissy dress after a long period and open the door to welcome Prem & Gowri. First time she forced him to serve coffee in bed. If sadism was only concerned, she could have done earlier also. Kavita made vulgar display of love bites on her body. Everything was pointing her valiant efforts proving her husband as cuckold. Gowri was playing a role with utter confusion. Just week back Kavita tried her best to hide her relationship with Prem from Gowri. She behaved like a normal housewife. What made her change her behaviour within a week? Yes, Manu had tried to make contact with Gowri. Kavita was afraid that he may try to contact Gowri again.  She was keen to hide her actual relationship with Prem. Manu contacting Gowri again was a problem.  But why?
 
 Immediate Monday, Pram’s motorcycle developed snag and asked lift from Manu. Bangalore being a big city, transport was not a problem and Prem did not have cordial relationship with Manu asking for lift. This indicated Prem’s intention of meeting Manu alone without Kavita’s interruption. Prem wanted to confirm the effectiveness of their cuckoldry role-play on Manu. Prem’s inquiry to Manu confirmed the same. So, there was a purpose on projecting Manu a cuckold in front of Gowri.  Manu meeting Gowri could spoil some game plan of Prem. But what made Kavita to accept role play? One possibility was her extortion by Prem.
 
 
"Fortunately, on immediate Sunday Kavita had discussion with Manu about Prem’s eviction. This time she was certain. She projected three-week time-frame. This indicated that she had control over situations. Just week back when Prem thrashed her husband in front of her eyes, she meekly surrendered. She had to bribe sex to pacify Prem. During motorcycle snag she confidently told Manu that he need not worry. Prem would not touch him. How could she be so confident? Something happened in between to gain her back control. Her control over situations also got confirmed when over telephone she asked Manu to hold patience as Prem had agreed to vacate on Sunday. She was no longer afraid of Prem. Manu did not hear loud moaning of Kavita since Gowri made her 1st visit. Extortion period was over. Then what made her continuing sharing bed with Prem for a limited period?  What was her motive?"



 

Three weeks. She projected three-week time-frame.
 
*********
 
Conclusion drawn from above discussion

About Prem
 
Prem was sadist. His behaviour was absolutely in line with his character.
He was blackmailing Kavita.
His purpose was beyond sex.
He was playing behind Gowri, He was manipulating Gowri.
He had source of illegal income.
He preserved scanty clothed pictures for wrongful purpose.
He was lacking confidence.
 
 
 
About Kavita
 
She loved her husband. She had no intention to divorce him.
She invited Prem for some purpose devoid of sexual gratification.
She showcased her intimacy with Prem to demoralising her husband.
Initial days of Prem’s stay, she was not blackmailed.
Subsequently, she was blackmailed by Prem as evident from her fearsome behaviour.
She was able to thwart off blackmailing but continued physical relationship with Prem.
She decided three-week time frame for eviction of Prem since reversing of extortion by Prem.
She participated in humiliation of her husband, but she was not sadist.
She could reach spectacular orgasm by her husband.
Possibly she had painful intercourse with Prem.
Possibly she had medical issues against pregnancy.
Possibly, her hidden motive was connected with pregnancy.
 
 
 
********
 
 
 
As Manu’s treatment progressed, we observed his incessant love for his wife. We were fixed. We had to probe further. Immediately, we engaged a person to keep a vigil on Kavita’s activities. We came to know about her unfortunate sexual violation.
 
 
We required further inputs to logically fill the gaps as well as confirmation on our assumptions. We could not reach to Kavita directly for her motive. Contacting Gowri was eliminated initially for leak of information. Prem would not be of much help as chances of distorting information was quite high. In the event, Manu decide continuing married relationship with Kavita, personal secrecy of Kavita had to be honoured to protect societal respect. Manu’s friends and office colleagues were ruled out for above reasons. Manu’s immediate house neighbours were also ruled out. Kavita’s friends who were involved with Prem were best bet as they would maintain secrecy. Rest of Kavita’s friends were also ruled out for above reasons. Accordingly, Rachna was included.
 
With clear motive, we met Kavita’s parents and parent-in laws.
 
I croaked, “You are in touch with my parents and in-laws?”
 
Jaya softly answered, “Yes. We contacted them within one month of your violation. It was not that easy. We had to struggle a lot to break the barrier. They were against your unforgivable behaviours. We successfully could manipulate them for information. Over time we could convince them with reasons over your anomalous submission. I only have prevented them from making any further contact with you. Let’s go back to Kavita for further analysis.”
 
From her in-laws, we got a clear picture of Manu. He was studious and introvert. He had very few friends. He was shy of girls and even avoided young girls from distant relatives also. He did not have any girlfriends to the best of their knowledge.
 
As regard to Kavita, they had very good opinion. They agreed that Kavita had never behaved rudely with them. Prior to the incident, they were mostly happy on her except for denial of grandchildren. Since marriage, they mostly contacted her for any information of their son. Kavita was in regular touch with them. They constantly pestered her for grandchildren and she always evaded the topic without answering directly. It seemed, Kavita had avoided motherhood deliberately. She had never answered them with clarity. However, they never questioned their son on family planning.
 
We had some detailed picture from Kavita’s parents. We came to know about her childhood, her loneliness, pestering her mother for siblings. We also came to know about Kavita’s inclination for fashion and western dresses. She was jovial in college and had a lot of friends.
 
History of belly ring pendant was made available.  It was confirmed that Kavita had the belly ring from 1st year and the pendant with A.A represented her parents. In some society, young unmarried women wear some ornaments representing ownership of parents.  Sometimes it marked as symbol of respect also. Naturally after marriage, these were replaced with something to mark the change in guardianship. On obvious reason, Kavita removed the pendant. Accommodating tradition religiously continues with us irrespective of our educational advancements, because they are tradition.  Same tradition forces most married women wearing Mangalsutra, Nose ring, Toe ring, Sindoor, Bindi, Special bangles  etc.  with variation. Same tradition encourages married women performing Karva Chauth, Fasting on special occasions, covering hair etc even within highly educated environment. Questions are never raised on justification for accepting. That’s why they are called tradition.

 
 
The most important information we came to know about Kavita’s fondness on children and motherhood. Her weakness was confirmed. Her mother was worried for her growing age to embrace motherhood. She was certain that, her daughter avoided pregnancy at the instance of her son-in law though the exact reasons were not known to them. Her daughter never enlightened them and they found it embarrassing questioning their son-in law.
 
 
 
From Manu’s narration also it was clear that Kavita wanted to embrace motherhood. What exactly prevented her from getting pregnant? Manu’s sperm count was 4,50,000 per ml. In medical terms, his semen qualified for impregnating any woman in her fertility.  What could be possible reasons for Kavita not conceiving? Could there be any physical hurdle on her reproductive system? To find answer, we needed medical examination on Kavita.
 
 
 
Important information we collected from her mother was Rachna’s parent’s address. We reached Rachna. She was blackmailed by Prem for weekend excursion to Goa prior to three weeks of her marriage. The tool used for blackmailing was her scanty clothed photos photographed by Prem. She wanted to leave immediately after observing Vipul panting clutching his groin. She was forced to stay back. She was afraid of her photos being circulated.  Rachna disclosed the identity of some other girls who had developed relationship with Prem. We could contact a few and the stories were the same.  We checked at Bangalore security officer station for details of Prem. His involvement of narcotics and extorting women came to our knowledge. His modus operandi for blackmailing women was invariably scanty dressed photographs of victims.In a few cases, he was in possession naked picture of his victims. Kavita figured in this category. So Kavita was being exhorted by Prem.

Rachna also accepted about her painful sexual intercourse with Prem. Prem was huge and never cared for her discomfort and pain. This was in line with audible moaning Manu had witnessed with Gowri as well as Kavita. Rachan's experience suggested Kavita's wailing during intercourse's were out of pain. Only medical test could confirm.
 
I concentrated on her continuation, “As Manu’s treatment progressed, more and more his quandaries on you were clearer. In the beginning, we considered it to be obsession. It was definitely obsession, but obsession of deep love. We were fixed. He was deeply wounded at heart by your actions. He squarely blamed self and shouldered all responsibilities.  You reconciliation with your husband necessitated understanding your psychology. Without knowing your predicament clearly, it was not advisable for Manu resuming marital relationship with you. We had knowledge of Prem’s inexcusable offense. This could explain some of your behavioural aberrations. However, this did not give us enough glimpses on your mental inclination to arrive into a definite decision. Further probe into your mind became necessary. My visit at your house in Bangalore was planned as part of assignment. We needed a through medical check up on you. We made a plan to bring you here.  It was tough to convince Manu for the visit. He was dead against on meeting you causing harm to you. He agreed to participate only when he was convinced about your wellness in the process.”
 
 
 
We made an elaborate plan to get Kavita at Hardwar.  To meet her alone and manipulate, we needed help of Gowri. I met Gowri at Bangalore. She was a very simple woman. It was not very difficult to manipulate her. She was convinced that I was treating Manu and working for his reunion with Kavita. I requested for two days time for counselling with Kavita in isolation to prepare herself. She believed me. She loved Kavita sincerely. She was psychologically depressed for raape and blamed herself. I had to boost her up and she was ready for extending all help for Kavita’s reunion with her husband. She agreed two days outing facilitating my counselling with Kavita. She also agreed not to disclose anything to Kavita till my counselling was over as this could affect her adversely. Gowri agreed. Eventually, she confessed about counselling with Dr. Preethi. Gowri is really nice woman whom you can always believe.
 
 
I intervened, “Gowri had already confessed with me on that. She respects my husband a lot. I believe her mostly though I have one doubt on her.”
 
Jaya looked at me questioningly.
 
Hesitantly I said, “Gowri must have disclosed my identity to Dr. Preethi. Otherwise how could she find the truth?”
 
“Even if she had so, it was better for you. Do you repent for that?”
 
 
“No no, not for that. She always denied her role. I had my curiosity.”
 
 
Jaya smiled, “It’s you who had disclosed your true identity on that day.” Finding question on my face, she added, “Yes, It’s true. You had made a silly mistake. After filling up the lengthy form, you signed as ‘Kavita’. That day, you had forgotten to forge your signature. It happens. It’s natural for any human to flow along with natural behaviour. “
 
 
I met Dr Preethi. Entire counselling of Gowri and Kavita with Dr. Preethi was before me. We got well versed of your consultancy proceedings with Dr Preethi. Even, what Gowri confessed was also known to me. In fact, I had a personal discussion with her across the table. Please don’t feel bad about Dr Preethi. There are some things beyond professional ethics, the humanity. Gowri's confession cemented the torturous behaviour of Prem during sex. It was confirmed that you were drugged. But it could have been self-inflicted. By contacting Rachna, we were nearly assured of Prems hand. Prem was playing behind was evident from Gowri’s confession. Your extortion by Prem was confirmed. The question was since when, why and how? Also, the question was how could you come out of Prem’s trap?
 
 
We could not accept everything of your confession on face value. You had tried for hide your identity. This was acceptable considering the nature of confession. What was not acceptable that you tried to misguide Dr. Preethi. I could guess the very reason for your role-play about projecting Manu as cuckold.  What I failed to understand the exact reason for your continuing sleeping with Prem.
 
It was clearly evident that you were not being extorted during first week of Prem’s visit. What made you receive Prem in seductive dress? Did you really love Manu? Could property be a reason?
 
As per narration of Manu, you were obsessed with pregnancy and children. As per your mother, you were fond of children and wished for more children for self. But during your confession with Dr, Preethi, you clearly avoided mentioning pregnancy. This raised doubt over your motive. What made you avoid confessing about pregnancy whereas pills were in the center point for your sexual slavery.
 
 
***
 
All the women we had met who had faced penetrative sex with Prem had confessed of pain.  Nobody had enjoyed sex with Prem. Rachna and Gowri had confessed about painful intercourse. Probability of painful sexual penetration experience was high for you. It has been confirmed by your husband. Whenever he heard you moaning, especially in one particular pose, you were always requesting Prem to be slow. You always moaned with, ‘slow Amir, please.’ This clearly indicates my theory to be correct. You have never enjoyed sex with Prem. You were being sexually tortured. The misconstrued conception of ‘long penis more pleasure’ may have tempted you sleeping with Prem for first time. It should not have taken long time for you to understand the reality. In spite of this, you invited Prem!”
 
We reviewed your probable motive as getting pregnant and rearranged all scenarios with our updated knowledge.
 
 
*******

[manasi]

34.9
Kavita
 
 
 
The first thing was you were not interested in divorce. You had discovered his physical quandaries immediately after marriage. You were certain that it was incurable and refused for medical check-ups. It was best time for pressing for divorce. Easily you could get handsome alimony and get married. Instead, you continued marital relationship. You loved your husband.
 
You were obsessed with two issues. Physical satisfaction and longing for motherhood overwhelmed your mind.  Your husband, obsessed with anxiety and fear, could not satisfy you physically. While staying in US, you had ample opportunities to engage in extra marital relationship to quench your physical needs. You did not. Sex toys were also alternative source for self-satisfaction. You maintained distance from sex toys also. Even back in India, you showed restrain for a year. For seven long years you could congregate control over your physical urge, Physical satisfaction was ruled out.
 
Say you decided to get pregnant by Prem. The very reason of selecting Prem was your pre-marriage acquaintances with Prem. Earlier you had physical relationship with Prem and you could successfully come out of relationship. You were sure of breaking the relationship with Prem, once your purpose was met. Also you were confident of seducing Prem easily. Prem's life secrecy was known to you and he was not expected to expose you. The concept of maintaining physical purity also could have played in your mind. Developing sexual relationship with another unknown person was possibly not acceptable to you.
 
All of a sudden getting pregnant by other than husband always carried risk. You needed your child to be accepted by your husband. You loved your husband and was not ready to leave him. The very first thing you needed your husband accept your relationship well before getting pregnant.
 
But you were not very sure on how Prem would behave in close proximity after a gap of seven years. You preferred pill to avoid unwanted pregnancy. You started taking pill before arrival of Prem.
 
As planned, you seduced Prem immediately on his arrival. Apparently Prem fallen in your trap. You were happy. You continued your dual mission. You continued showing your intimacy with Prem and successfully keeping Prem out of sex. Your husband behaved as you planned.
 
Problem started when you sensed irresistible sexual desire unable to control. You were not aware of sexual drugs. You had no explanation. Here you had fallen in Prem’s trap. Manu started behaving erratically in sissy dressing what was unknown to you in four years. Prem started pushing you in edging keeping you sexually frustrated. You tried to excite Manu in bed unsuccessfully. Eventually you were forced to submit to Prem against your will.



Edging is a process of sexual stimulation to the point just before orgasm before stopping or withholding stimulation to deny orgasm. It can be beneficial for partners with consent. Repeated forced edging can have negative effects like: Acute Frustration, Distress, Headache, Anxiety, Tiredness, Brain fog, Lack of focus, Forgetfulness etc.

 
In great shock you observed your husband was pretending ignorance of your relationship with Prem. Even before you could come out of shock, Prem blackmailed you breaking your backbone. Prem blackmailed you only after ensuring his dominance over Manu. Prem also demonstrated physical torture on Manu to downplay you and create terror in your mind.
 
You continued taking pill sincerely to avoid pregnancy. Repeatedly Manu asked for Prem’s evacuation, which you had to refuse under threat from Prem. You could not promise any time frame except making statement that Prem won’t stay for long. Most probably you were convincing yourself and praying for Prem’s early vacation.  You could not divulge anything to Manu except expressing your continuance love for him and advising him to adopt proactive approach while dealing with Prem. You were genuinely afraid; Prem could bring Vipul in Manu,
 
Prem’s intention was clear when he exposed you in obscene dress and groped in public. He successfully demonstrated you as a street whore. Ac maintenance incidence clearly exposed Prem’s intention. He wanted to break your mental resistance by exposing to society. By placing tattoo in your body, he kept Manu under mental pressure.
 
Prem had no intention to introduce to Gowri. You had chance meet to Gowri in mall and invited her. Gowri landed in your house on 53rd day, Friday. Prem had no option but to send you back to Manu for weekend. Prem also had to take Manu on outing to avoid creating of suspicion in Gowri' mind. Gowri may have observed unnatural intimacy and may have questioned Prem.
 
On 56th day, Monday, when Manu showed interest in speaking to Gowri, Prem sensed danger. He had to resort to brutal physical torture to keep him away. You had to bribe sex to pacify Prem.
 
You joined Manu in night. Why Prem allowed you? What exactly happened after you escorted Prem to bed? We found answer next week.
 
On 60th day, Friday, Gowri made her 2nd visit. Prem had already declared Manu as cuckold to Gowri. Manu was projected as cuckold to remove suspicion of Gowri. You had accepted role-play not to expose self-pride to Gowri. Manu accepted your role-play as true. Gowri was guarded from Manu. Everything worked as planned.
 
On 62nd day, Sunday Manu approached you again requesting for Prem’s evacuation. You did not expect Manu could approach after immediate blatant humiliation of cuckoldry. You made a mistake may be because of excitement. You talked about three-week time frame of Prem’s vacation. No ambiguity. First time you talked confidently on Prem’s evacuation.
 
How you were so confident about Prem while you were under his extortion? Why three weeks?
 
Next day, Prem fabricated motorcycle snag and asked for lift from Manu. Manu was sceptical. You assured him that Prem won’t touch him. How could you assure him?
 
This clearly indicates something transpired to help you come out of Prem’s clutch. You were no more afraid of Prem. You could assure Manu confidently that Prem won’t touch him.
 
To find answer we concentrated on the incident on 56th day Monday, immediately after Gowri’s 1st visit.
 
Manu contacted Gowri against wish of Prem. Prem was boiling in anger and decided to punish Manu. He punished Manu to accentuate his character. Prem was in charge.
 
Let’s look at your behaviour.

You received message either through Gowri or Prem. You were impatiently waiting for Manu’s return. Even before he pressed calling bell, you opened the door and whispered, "Manu, did you SMS Gowri?"

Once Manu nodded affirmative, you had a pitying look. Clearly you were upset. Why?
 
Manu’s punishment followed soon after in your presence. If you were to get sadistic pleasure, you should have enjoyed it.  You did not.
 
You had been watching this scene silently, as though in frozen fascination.
You finally spoke, "Prem, that's enough, he knows not to do it next time, let it go, please?" You wanted Prem to stop. You begged. You were not in charge.
 
Finding Prem not relenting, you requested Manu, "Manu, tell him you're sorry for contacting Gowri."
This clearly proves your inability to control Prem.
 
Manu did not budge and Prem continued hitting Manu.
 
Finally Manu surrendered and apologized for contacting Gowri.
 
You saw Prem’s hand in air for further blow. You walked up to Prem, and stroked him on his chest. You acted as a shield and tried to pacify Prem. You begged again, "Let it go, lover-boy. Let him go this time."
 
Clearly you had no control over Prem.
 
Prem had his hand in air for imparting more punishment. You started nuzzling up to his chest, and said, "Mmmm....lover-boy, don't be so angry, let's go to bed."
 
Finally to pacify Prem, you had to bribe Prem
 
This clearly shows

1.       You were not getting sadistic pleasure.
2.       You shielded Manu not to be bullied.
3.       You had no control over Prem. You were not in charge over the incident.
 
 
Next, fast forward a few hours.
 
You did not take dinner and waited for Manu to wake up and have dinner. Why? By not taking food in one night nobody dies.

If you had not really cared for Manu, possible reason could have been you were afraid if he did something wrong. In that case, you would not have patiently waited for more than two hours and spent time in cooking.

So, you cared for Manu.
 
The major question was why Prem allowed you to sleep with Manu.  Prem was possessive of his women, his bitches. Manu was found misbehaving with one of his bitch and was punished. He claimed your body completely. He claimed you as one of his bitch. Manu was earlier punished for touching your body. Then, how Prem allowed you sleep with Manu? If we considered hypothetical case of Prem was also worried on Manu doing extreme nuisance, he would have ensured your return after checking Manu was OK.
 
It did not happen. Your spending night with Manu suggested only one possibility. You were in charge of the situation. The control had changed hand within two hours.
 
“One clarification Kavita?”
 
I looked at her approvingly. Jaya asked, “In all earlier occasions, you had taken special caution not to be overheard by Prem, whenever you had confided with Manu something special. That night, how could you be sure that Prem was not eavesdropping? Did you lock him up in his room?”
 
I answered, “Yes, you are absolutely correct. I did lock him up that night.”
 
 
So you were in charge. You checked with Manu’s mental condition and asked him to be less angry. You could decide Prem’s eviction on any day. You decided three weeks.
 
 
 Everything was fine except three weeks time frame. Why three weeks?
 
We went back to search for the answer. Gowri made her 1st visit on 53rd day, Friday creating opportunity for you meet your husband. Definitely you should have been ecstatic. You tried to excite Manu sexually. He was limp.  Next night, you tried again. Situations created for Manu asking for sex. Manu got excited and looked forward for penetrative sex. You declined penetrative sex citing reasons, ‘Sorry, Manu. Out of bounds’.
 
Why ‘Out of bounds’?
 
We went back further down the timeline. We went back to 24th day, Thursday evening you planned for short visit to shop. Manu offered for help. You declined stating, ‘That's sweet of you Manu. But this is a women's thing, and I'd rather not send you to get it. I'll be back in 10 minutes.’
 
We recalculated entire timeline plotting penetrative sex dates in search for your period dates. That day you went out for shopping sanitary napkins for upcoming period. You declined penetrative sex as you were in periods. You could not inform Manu. You gave him blowjob. You had period on 26-27, 54-55 and due on 82-83. You had decided to vacate Prem on 76th day
 
Now, the three-week time period carried meaning full importance. A woman normally ovulates before two weeks from period. Semen normally remains active for a week period inside woman’s body. Your ovulation was expected around 68th day. So your mating with Prem on 73rd day could ensure covering the entire period.
 
Three week period carried significance of your decision of getting pregnant. You were so sure of your virility, that you made decision to send Prem out after three weeks.
 
On 74th day, Friday, two days prior to Prem’s vacation date, when Manu returned from office, you were zoned out. You were immersed in such deep thought, that you even did not notice Manu prepared tea and you drank it. After receiving Phone call from Gowri, you changed over to sari. You prepared tea for all forgetting that you had tea a short while ago. Gowri exclaimed over your belly ring and while serving Manu you had a pale smile.
 
We could find distinct behavioural aberrations:
 
First: No show off to project Manu as cuckold in presence of Gowri.
Second: You never had taken tea twice in evening what you did. You were mentally disturbed a lot.
Third: Gowri appreciated your belly ring but unlike previous similar occasions you did not return gesture.
Fourth: Your pale smile indicated you were freshly embarrassed on something. Belly ring could be a reason.
 
 
We went back for possible explanations:
 
On 73rd, Thursday night, Manu did not observe Belly ring in your body. So, it was fitted only on Friday.
On 74th, Friday morning, Manu called you. It appeared to him that you were not in home. So, you could be in parlour and fitted the belly ring. The piercing hole could have closed naturally and required re-piercing. Convincing.

While on receiving call from Manu on earlier occasions, you had never shown irritation or ended the call abruptly. It manifested further that you were disturbed. You wanted to avoid Manu.

While confirming Sunday as the date Prem would be leaving, you reasoned against advancing the date stating, “I can't pack up and move back tonight, even if I wanted to.” Clearly it was a lame excuse as on earlier occasion, you had done so.
 
Everything suggested that you were very disturbed on something which occurred after Manu left to office. You were zoned out so much that in the evening, when Manu served you tea, you did not notice!

 
We concentrated on Belly ring again. You appeared with belly ring in Prem’s photos but Manu never discovered you in belly ring though he could remember its presence in your personal belongings. Prem had fixed A.A tattoo twice in your body. He had pretty knowledge of the A.A pendant, was evident from his photographs. While blackmailing you in sexual submission he could not influence you putting on belly ring pendant. When you were out of his extortion and he was about to move out, you fixed it back on your body. So, it was not for Prem. Was it possible that you fixed it for Manu? Then why?

 
We went back further to the days when Prem had adorned you with A.A tattoos.
 
On 27th day, Sunday, Prem got it fixed and Manu found it on next day i.e. 28th Monday morning. Manu objected and you tried to pacify him that it was temporary and wash off. Manu mentioned about the letters A.A
 
{
"Why A.A, Kavi?"

Your voice was still angry, "What do you mean 'why A.A Kavi'?"

"Your tattoo says A.A."

"I mentioned it was cute before both you and Prem. And he got it for me yesterday. I guess that's why he picked what the tattoo was, the letters.
 
 
Manu mumbled, "Kavi, it didn't wash away."

You flared up at this, "STOP IT MANU! It's supposed to wash off, maybe it will take a couple of washes
}
 


Same 28th Monday night, Manu tried to remove the tattoo. Though initially you had shown displeasure over his attempt, finally you mumbled, "I should have suspected...never mind."
Subsequently you allowed Manu to remove it completely.
 
On 29th, Tuesday Morning Prem found tattoo missing and bullied Manu keeping you at workout session in gym. He growled to Manu,  "That should teach you to touch a body I OWN, inappropriately."

You came to know about the bullying by Manu’s phone.
Manu wanted to join gym.
 
{
"Because I'm tired of being pushed around by your Prem, that's why."

"Manu, you're being silly. Prem has been working out for YEARS. You can start working out now, and if you get into a fight with him, he'll still probably break your bones. He won't be staying with us forever, PLEASE don't start working out with an intention to pick a fight with Prem, OK?"

"Kavi, I won't pick a fight, but if he starts a fight, I want to fight back, I want to be able to fight back, OK?"

"So is your problem, what you had told me earlier? That Prem picks fights with you, sometimes?"
I took a deep breath.

"Yes. He picked a fight with me today morning, Kavi."

"I'll talk to him, Manu. I didn't know he had done this. I'll warn him to not do it again, OK?"

I didn't believe her. I suspected she was lying. She probably knew it. She probably had been conniving with him.

I spoke after a few moments, "OK, Kavi. I still want to join a gym and be prepared better to defend myself."

"Don't be silly, Manu. You'll only be looking for a fight. Do join a gym, but do it after Prem leaves, OK? I don't want more fights. I'll talk to him, and make sure he doesn't start up an unprovoked fight with you, OK?"
 
}
 
Clearly you were protecting Manu. You were also hoping for Prem to vacate someday though not sure when.
 
Same evening Prem didn’t have sex with you. Most probably you had cautioned him for bullying.


***

 
On 34th day, Sunday very next day of your shifting, Prem fixed tattoo on you again.
 
On 35th day, Monday, Manu found it on you and gave a call.
 
Let’s go through the conversations you had on that day.
 
{
You laughed with a twinkle in your voice, "Why wouldn't I pick up your call, Manu? I don't avoid your calls, do I?"

Manu said, "Kavi, I'm really, really sorry about Friday. I was feeling emotional then. If you're going to..."

"I know why you did it on Friday, Manu. Relax. I understand. I still love you."

"That's not what your tattoo says, Kavi."

You giggled audibly as you spoke, "Oh you saw my new tattoo? Isn't it cute?"

"Very cute, Kavi. Especially the letters in the middle of the heart."

You asked, trying to sound innocent, "What letters?"

"Don't pretend to me, Kavi. The letters A.A were in the middle of the heart and you know it, and I know you know it."

There was a long silence from your end, as Manu heard you exhale deeply.
 
"If that's what you think it says, Manu, then that's what it says."
}
 
 

Manu had no option to remove the tattoo. On 46th day also Manu found faint presence of tattoo on her body

 
On 46th day Friday morning, Manu was SMSed by Prem to look into his album while they were on workout. Kavita had already shifted to Prem and so she also had full knowledge of displaying of the album. What the album presented? Belly ring pendant A.A on Kavita’s belly. So, both Prem and Kavita had pretty knowledge of A.A and its effect on Manu. Everything was fine. What disturbed us was why Kavita was not adorned with A.A belly ring pendant earlier?
 
While Prem could go for A.A tattoo, and he had clear knowledge of pendant, quite naturally he would have gone for belly ring pendant to voice his ownership in addition to tattoo. If Kavita was accomplish of Prem, there was absolutely no hold. Even if Kavita was not accomplish of Prem, Prem must have pressured her for belly ring. We had observed during this period Prem was in charge up to 56th day.
 
Only possibility could be her piercing had closed and there was no possibility of wearing belly ring pendant immediately.
 
Eventually, Kavita fixed her belly ring pendant on 74th day when Prem was about to go out. If it was for recreation of Prem, she could have fixed it earlier. Celebration of pregnancy was also ruled out as no pregnancy test can detect so early. Her last period was on 54 day.
 
So, fixing of belly ring pendant was neither for celebrating pregnancy nor for entertainment of Prem. What could be possible reason?




You did never accept A.A represented Amir Ali. So, definitely, A.A had a different meaning to you. You were well aware of that A.A had confusion in Manu’s mind. Obviously, you would be interested in removing that confusion from Manu’s mind. It was essential for you for re-connection with Manu after sleeping with Prem for so long.
 
Discovery of A.A pendent by Gowri was unwanted. Obviously, you could not appreciate her praising. You were embarrassed. Same reflected in your behaviour while serving tea to Manu. The mystery of A.A was clear only after meeting your mother.
 
Then you locked yourself with Gowri suggested for very cause of your disturbance. Two consecutive days you both were out. It was very clear that Prem was not part of your expedition from his behaviour. Marriage was not possible without your divorce and no pregnancy test could give result so early. The very cause of disturbance was so grave that both days you were late night to return. Then your proposal came for taking Manu for medical consultation. I agree, I had to wait for a conclusion of your two days expedition till meeting with Gowri.
 
 
 
*****
 
 
Placing pregnancy theory in force, all equations got solved. You stopped taking pills from 57th day, Tuesday onwards removing systematically one per day not to create doubt in Manu’s mind. Dramatically, you must have sensed reducing sexual urges in your body. You continued sex with Prem for achieving.
 
You agreed to role-play showing Manu as cuckold, as you did not want to miss your target so narrowly. Aptly, you made your decision of Prem’s vacation date known to Gowri and Prem simultaneously. Prem had to accept. When you were absolutely sure of your planning performed as planned, Gowri’s phone on 74th day, Friday, disarrayed everything. You came to know about Prem’s planning of impregnating you. It was against your plan. You never wanted Prem to know about your pregnancy through him. You decided to reverse. In panicky, you started taking pill on same night shifting the pill strip in your hand bag. Manu’s observation on pills matched.
 
You were forced for consultation only to discover on 76th day, Sunday that you were sexually drugged. Three days consecutive pill consumption had its effect back in your blood. You were shattered. You sensed the grave mistakes you had done. As advised by Dr. Preethi you acted. You removed all pills to safe location. You made Prem vacate. You made valiant try to take Manu to Dr. Preethi for treatment.
 
Things were not in your hand. Manu misunderstood you and left. You were sexually assaulted by Prem.
 
Entire model appeared to be correct.
 
A few more things needed to be answered. Especially, your love making wailing was clearly audible form outside.
 
You took so much pain to get motherhood and uphold dignity of your husband. Definitely you would avoid all actions to defame your husband. Many actions were beyond your control. As expressed by Manu, a few behaviours were not comprehensible. The most prominent among them was your loud wailing while Manu waited outside after his hand was cast.
 
We had already seen you were not moaning in orgasmic pleasure. You were definitely wailing in pain. What made you wale so loud to be heard from outside? Subsequently, Manu did not hear your loud wail after your shifting to Prem. It should have been different. Earlier case, presence of background noise could subdue noise level. In later case, distance reduced and due to late evening, effect of background noise reduced. Earlier case bedroom door remained closed while in later case bedroom case remained open.
 
Instead of experiencing higher amplitude sound, Manu listened to subdued sound.
 
Possible explanation could be like this:
 
First time standing outside, Manu heard your squeal. From next day onward, he imagined your actions behind closed door. He did not see you having sex. He imagined more than he heard. Subsequently, after your shifting, he could observe. He did not require imagination. Consequently, his illusion on sound got eliminated. He did not listen to you squealing loud.
 
Jaya inquired, “Kavita, you can through some light on it. Did you really squealing loud to be clearly heard from outside?”
 
I whispered, “I had always tried to absorb my pains. Unable to bear, sometimes, I had squealed but I think, I was not clearly audible outside.”
 
“Thank you Kavita for confirming. As we were discussing earlier, to prove the pregnancy model, we needed to confirm three things.”
 
Did you enjoy sex with Prem?
What prevented your normal pregnancy and was it due to problem within yourself?
What was your motive?
 
We also needed your true confession for ratification.
 
 
As planned, Gowri was made to leave to get free access to you. We reached Bangalore. I had to psychologically break your resolve. I implanted in your mind my intimacy with Manu while continuing humiliating you. You got trapped. Next day, I replaced your sleeping pills with mild anti-depressant pills. I closely observed behaviours of both of you. Both of you were not comfortable in my presence. I utilised the opportunity to study both of you. I could see love and passion. Late evening, I trapped you in eavesdropping. Being embarrassed, while you retired in bed, I silently took shelter behind sofa. As expected, you made a valiant try to eavesdrop again only to abandon next moment.
 
I immediately remembered my hallucination. Jaya had seen me in utmost vulnerable condition. I covered my face in shame. During hallucination, my external reactions were not known to me. She had witnessed that. What she would be thinking about me.
 
I heard her candid dulcet, “There was nothing to be ashamed, Kavita. I would have done same in your place. Next one hour I witnessed a rare expression of love. I got my confirmation.
 
First I saw your passionate hallucination. You were hallucinating. You were speaking to your husband. You were asking for his forgiveness. You also confirmed your sexual drug abuse and blackmailing. I believe, a person speaks only truth with self. Your wild passion removed all doubts I had about your love. This also confirmed your sexual drug was not self implicated. Finally, you retired to shower and bed. I retired to my room contented.
 
There was still something left to surprise me.
 
Manu left bed after half an hour. I pretended deep sleep. Ensuring my state, he silently came out of guest room to stop near sofa. He affectionately hugged your clothes for some time and then folded them neatly. He further progressed to your room.  He stopped near bed. Passionately, he was staring at your face. I saw your body cramp in cold. Quickly, Manu fetched the blanket from the cupboard and covered you with great care and affection. He leaned on your face apparently to kiss. Somehow, he controlled his emotion and became straight.  I saw him wiping his eyes.
 
My observation was complete. I silently returned to my room. Manu joined within 10 minutes. Next morning, I had to continue your humiliation not to raise your suspicion. My night expedition confirmed three things. Firstly, you both still loved each other. Secondly, you were administered sexual drugs by Prem and thirdly Prem had blackmailed you on something. Your confession with Dr. Preethi was accounted. My next target was to maneuver you make a visit to Hardwar.
 
I asked Manu to take the house deed and pass books along with his credentials. I also asked him to transfer money to another account. I was confident that, once you find house deed &pass book missing and money withdrawn, you would suspect me. You would definitely try to save your husband from my fraudulent trap. You would definitely contact me, before complaining to security officer. I left my contact details for your ready utilisation. Even if you contact security officer, you would be called at Hardwar for identification.
 
Here I had made a silly mistake. I had ignored to take proper note of Manu’s love & passion. Purposefully, Manu was kept in darkness. His knowledge was limited up to his departure from Bangalore. He believed you and Gowri both were married to Prem and you were pregnant. I have implanted in his brain that you had already completed your honeymoon trip and presently Prem & Gowri were on honeymoon trip. He believed it. I also made him believe that, our role-play was absolutely necessary for your mental satisfaction and happiness. It would help you to embrace your new marital life devoid of any guilt feelings. The requirement of the hour was to create loathsome in your mind.He believed everything. He wanted you to be happy with Prem. He wanted your unborn child should get social status. He had decided to sacrifice his love. He had decided to give you freedom along with house and money. While I thought he was busy in preparation of his new business, he silently prepared himself and landed in Bangalore without our knowledge. He decided on his own to apologise to you and personally hand over house deed, money and divorce papers. In the process, he unknowingly created deep pain in your heart. Unfortunately, things turned wrong leading to your extreme steps. We were lucky that your sleeping pills were replaced with anti-depressant pills.We almost lost you. God is great to send you back with us.
 
***
 
We were also erroneous on another account. We were curious on sudden missing of your entire pills. We suspected your sexual drugging observing your unnatural sudden outburst of physical appetite. We made a connection with pills and your physical urges only after plotting your behavioural pattern variation on daily basis as well as over entire period. We observed surge in physical urge in increasing trend after lunch. Your physical obsession was clearly detectable. Then there was decline after 1st visit of Gowri. Your aggressiveness was diminished indicating stoppage of pills. Reasons for sudden disappearance of pills were baffling.It could be you or Prem. We were undecided on the motive behind removing entire pills. After going through your confession with Dr. Preethi, we suspected Prem, as he would be interested to remove proof. After visiting your house, we located the pills, in hideouts of your house. Prem would not have left proof of his crimes. Our confusion got cleared on your involvement in missing pills. Preserving proof of Prem’s crime was your motive behind hiding the pills.
 
***
 
 
Finally, you landed in Hardwar.
 
I had three tasks in my hand.
First: Did you really enjoy sex with Prem? Did you really get orgasm?
Second: What was the reason for you not getting pregnant?
Third: What was your motive?
 
And a true confession accepting your motive.
 
Immediately on your reach, I put you on medical test. By evening I got answer to all my questions.
 
We Indians are mystic national. Scientific study of sexology started in this land long before any other country even thought of it. In 2ndcentury,Great ‘Vatsayana‘ in his ‘Kamasutra’ has vividly and quite accurately described various aspects of human sexology. In our ancient temples, the graphics in the form of stone carvings expresses the necessity of sexual knowledge in our lives. Example of ‘Khajuraho’ is best example.  Unfortunately, we Indians have not progressed. Sex is a taboo in this land. We shy away from this vital topic in our daily lives. We have deviated from our ancient culture. We don’t encourage sex education in our country. Our present culture teaches us to hide and compromise on the very essence of life. The result is obvious. The young minds are full of mis-conceptions about sex. As the body transits from childhood to adulthood, we don’t appreciate the changes. Curiosity and fear grow in our mind. Without any proper amenities, we fall prey to misconceptions resulting to indulging in absurd activities. It happened to my mother. It happened to you.
 
 
You were concerned about penis size. You were fascinated about it as it was implanted in your brain. You considered size of penis is all about satisfaction. A big penis only can attain a woman to orgasm. Males are not different. They also boost the same misconceptions. They also consider that the size matters. Psychological inferiority grows within them when they find their penis length shorter. Even before the first intercourse, mentally they are defeated.
 
 
The fact is quite different. The female genital is designed to extract maximum pleasure even with a penis of shorter length than the average one which is happens to be around 5.2” when erect. What matters are the prolong foreplay and willingness on the part of the female to get satisfied.  Majority of properly excited females needs 5 to 7 minutes of vaginal penetration to achieve orgasm. A man has to hold his erection up to this level.
 
 
While a vast population of women never reach orgasm, around 18% women reach orgasm from penetrative sex whereas more than 36% women reach orgasm by stimulation of clitoris. You fall in 36% category.  This was evident by the spectacular satisfactory orgasm you realised by your husband stimulating your clitoris, immediately after you had penetrative sex with Prem.
 
 
Utilising opportunity, Prem had successfully implanted in your brain, sissy cuckoldry tendency of your husband. You started accepting Prem’s theory without knowing psychological constraints of your husband.Even with drug effect, you had shown some restraint to avoid Prem. To break your will power, he blackmailed you. Deny of orgasm at plateau phase results in sexual frustration. This is sometimes called Edging.  Prem had cleverly manipulated you in edging to break your resolve. The sex drugs had broken your physical resolve. He continued edging keeping you in sexual frustration constantly. Finally, you surrendered psychologically to sexual frustration. Before you could come out of trauma of blackmailing, he created horror in your mind by injuring Manu physically. Successfully, he destroyed all your resolves, physically as well as psychologically.Prem was not looking for sex. He was obsessed to transform you into a sex slave.
 
 
The human sexual union can occur with or without consent. They are generally of three types.
 
 
The first type is prostitution type.  It is consented sex with or without attachment of mind. Two bodies meet to get sexual gratification. Mind has no much role to play though both have mutually agreed for sexual union. Always it is connected with some sort of exchanges.  It need not be limited to monetary benefit. There can be a wide variety of exchanges like blackmailing, growth prospect, gratification, extortion, knowledge up-gradation, curiosity, attaining pregnancy, therapist’s sexual union etc.
 
 
The second one is forced.  Sexual union is imposed on one partner by the other by brutal force. Mind does not have much role. Body may respond to attain favourable conditions for pleasurable sexual union.  Revenge, despair are mainly motive force behind this. Satisfaction is never achieved as mind is not attached.  In rare cases, forced union transits to prostitution types.
 
 
The third and the most important sexual union type is mutual without any exchange. Mind is always free and attached.  Both partners are ready to give maximum. Satisfaction is guaranteed.
 
 
You have experienced all the three types in your life with a single partner. I hope you understand the differences.
 
“Kavita, are you conversant with anatomy of female sexual organs?” Jaya asked me without losing eye contact.
 
I had pretty much idea. But presently I have been proved to be wrong in every aspect. I accepted my ignorance, “Not much detail.”
 
 
Jaya replied, “It is expected by looking at your blunders. Like penis, the depth of vulva, I mean the vaginal canal up to cervix varies from woman to woman. The average depth is 3.77 inches almost 33% shorter of an average erected penis which happens to be around 5.2”. During arousal, more blood flows to the vagina. This causes the vagina to elongate and the cervix, or tip of the uterus, to lift up slightly, allowing more of a penis, to fit in the vagina. During arousal, blood flows to the genital area, and sexual excitement causes the cervix and uterus to ascend as the upper two-thirds of the vagina lengthen. For an average excited female, the vaginal depth increases to 6.2 inches comfortably accommodating average length penis. We have checked your vulva depth to be around 3.7 inches. Sexual excitement could enlarge it to say, 6.4 inches maximum, well short of 8 inches penis of Prem. He was hitting you at cervix to cause pain. It was impossible for you to enjoy sex with Prem. An average woman like you should be sexually compatible with an average male. A lengthy penis is always a concern for discomfort, more so when the female is not excited enough.
 
 
I continued looking at her aghast. She was right.
 
 
Her assertive voice continued, “You have never enjoyed sex with Prem, not even during your sleeping with him before marriage. It was always an uncomfortable painful encounter for you as his penis always hit you on your cervix. You can’t change the nature’s law. You were being sexually tortured. The misconstrued conception of ‘long penis more pleasure’ may have tempted you sleeping with Prem for first time. It should not have taken long time for you to understand the reality.
 
***
 
As I have mentioned earlier, Manu’s sperm count was 4,50,000 per ml. In medical terms, his semen qualified for impregnating any woman in her fertility. 
 
Though your husband had confirmed of not using any birth control measures, I need your confirmation. Kavita, can you confirm on this?”
 
 
Bashfully, I whispered, “I was not on any birth control measures”
 
 
We had our assumptions in same line. This suggested for some medical problems associated with you. During your brief affair with Prem for two months, you were virtually not taking any precautions against birth control. You did not get pregnant. This further reinforced our doubt.  To confirm we had to carry out medical test on you and we had been confirmed from your gynecology report that you were suffering from Asherman’s Syndrome
 
 
“Asherman’s Syndrome?” I repeated,”Dr. Bharati talked about it a few days back. I have no idea about it.”
 
Jaya explained, “Asherman’s syndrome is a rare, acquired condition of the uterus. In women with this condition, scar tissue or adhesions form in the uterus due to some form of trauma.In severe cases, the entire front and back walls of the uterus can fuse together. In milder cases, the adhesions can appear in smaller areas of the uterus. The adhesions can be thick or thin, and may be sparsely located or merged together.”
 
 
Asherman's syndrome is an uncommon, acquired, gynecological disorder characterized by changes in the menstrual cycle. Patients experience reduced menstrual flow, increased cramping and abdominal pain, eventual cessation of menstrual cycles, and, in many instances, infertility. Most often these symptoms are the result of severe inflammation of the lining of the uterus that is caused by the development of bands of scar tissue that join parts of the walls of the uterus to one another, thus reducing the volume of the uterine cavity. Endometrial scarring and intrauterine adhesions may occur as a result of surgical scbanging or cleaning of tissue from the uterine wall, infections of the endometrium, or other factors.
 
 
In your first four years of married life, you did not conceive not because of your husband’s sperm quality or count. You did not because you were suffering from Asherman’s Syndrome. The problem persisted from the time prior to your marriage. You had remote chance of getting pregnant by Prem. In your prevailing health condition, you could never conceive.
 
 
There must be something wrong. Jaya may have made some grave mistakes. I expressed in astonishment, “How is it possible? I knew definitely I had no medical issues. It was sheer coincidence; I did not get pregnant.”
 
“It was not coincidence. Only miracle could make you pregnant. I repeat again. In prevalent health conditions, it was nearly impossible for you to get pregnant.”
 
There is nothing to worry. You have been successfully treated and free from Asherman’s Syndrome paving the way for your pregnancy.
 
We got definite proof which prevented you from getting pregnant. Immediately the question appeared in my mind, what were the possible reasons for you not accepting artificial insemination?

I specifically asked you for the reasons because, if you tried for artificial insemination, doctors would have found Asherman’s Syndrome long back and corrected.
 
 
I subjected you under various psychological pressures to break your mental barrier and encouraged you accepting the truth. I did not inform you on our knowledge to appreciate your confession with truth.
 
“Finally I could manipulate you for true confession.”
 
She guardedly said, “I don’t claim knowing all secrets of your life and not interested to do so. Every human has some secrets not to be revealed and it is justified also. It is not a healthy practice to open up our memory to everybody. There is always something of our own which sometimes may not be appropriate sharing with self also, though normally you can’t avoid.”
 
Jaya looked outside. I followed her. Early morning light showed her presence by removing the darkness.
 
Jaya again fixed her look on me and said, “You will be meeting Guruji in the evening. You need time to get ready for long journey. The last topic I would like to discuss to remove your one more misconception before closing our discussion. We will talk about gene propagation.
 
Man’s behaviour is influenced by two forces: heredity and environment. The biological or psychological characteristics which are transmitted by the parents to their off-springs are known by the name of heredity. Heredity is, in other words, a biological process of transmission of certain traits of behaviour of the parents to their children, by means of the fertilized egg. Heredity traits are innate; they are present at birth.
 
 
The essential characteristics inherited by all human beings are physical structure, reflexes, innate drives, intelligence, and temperament
 
 
The differences in the traits or qualities of individuals or groups are due to the difference in their heredity. It has also been proved that the variations of human beings and the societies are due to differences in environment.
 
Great controversy has been going on since long about the relative importance of heredity and environment in determining the behaviour of individuals and groups.
 
Though arguments have been advanced by the supporters of both heredity and environment, no exact conclusions with regard to the relative importance of the two factors have been drawn, nor it is possible either to determine the relative values of both.
 
Acquiring of all traits is not necessarily due to heredity.Even identical twins, when brought up in different environments, behave differently.The influence of differential training,, experience, home life, social opportunity, economic disadvantage etc. definitely have their influence in the matter.
 
 
Man is a highly unstable animal. He is changing-visibly with changing society. The change in social behaviour of man is on account of change in his environment. The records of crime tell that, in the end, the environment is irresistible. If a second generation is more criminal than the first, the explanation is to be sought in the difficulty of overcoming social and economic obstacles.
 
The conditions of life, the kind of food, of nature, of climate etc. have definitely their influence on them. There is, in fact, convincing evidence that when children are subject to unfavourable conditions, their stature, as well as the weight is affected.
 
Thus it is clear that heredity alone is not responsible for the physical differences between national or racial groups and that environment has also its influence. Rather stature or the general build up of the body depends upon innumerable factors which play their part from the moment of conception. The mother’s health, gland disorders, food habits, climate, living conditions, occupation, exercise, modes of walking and sleeping, all influence the body structure.
 
Heredity is, therefore, to be considered not in terms of a single generation but in terms of several generations and so is the case with environment.The intelligence is much more responsive to environmental changes. It is true that the races of mankind certainly differ, because of heredity. As a matter of fact, it is futile to ask which of the two factors, heredity or environment, is more important. Each trait requires both heredity and environment for its development
 
Heredity, no doubt has its influence on the physiological traits but environment is also the arbiter of our development. What heredity can do environment can also do. Neither can ever be eliminated and neither can ever be isolated. Both have been operative in determining human behaviour. An immigrant group, no matter what its heredity antecedents, exhibits new characteristics when transplanted from its native land to the country of its adoption.
 
The capabilities of man are hereditary, but their manifestation is the work of the environment.Heredity gives us the capacities to be developed but opportunity for the development of these capacities must come from the environment.
 
The conclusions that we can draw from the above discussion is that the question, “which is more important, heredity or environment?” wrongly assumes that environment and heredity are opposed, so that if one is important the other cannot be. All the qualities of life are in the heredity, all the evocations of qualities depend on the environment. In other words, heredity has potentiality and environment offers it a chance of bringing them out.
 
It also follows from this principle that the higher the potentiality, the greater is the demand made on environment. Thus more subtle differences in environment may have little effect on those of low potentiality while the same differences may be vastly significant for those who have higher potentiality.
 
For instance, a seemingly minor change in a situation, say, a rebuff, may prove decisive to a sensitive nature while it may not affect a thick skinned man. Lastly, the more elastic the life, the more it is at the mercy of environment. That is why environment affects us most in the earlier years of our life when we were most impressionable.
 
We should thus conclude this controversy of nature versus nurture by accepting the unchallengeable truth that heredity and environment—the two ultimate determinants of every living being- are of coequal importance and that none is more potent than the other.
 
Favourable environment may give a man of genius the necessary opportunity to reveal his power, and that a person, however talented he might be, will fail to do so in the absence of adequate opportunities. On the other hand, no amount of opportunity would enable a man of mediocre talents to attain the height of a genius. Both heredity and environment are, in fact, essential for our fulfillment. We cannot over-rate one at the cost of the other.
 
All the above discussion is only to remove the misconception on heredity from your mind. You will be surprised to know that, male endowment size though controlled by heredity is attributed by mother.
 
Spontaneously I reacted, “What do you say Jaya? What we knew so far is not correct?”
 
She smiled, “Kavita, unfortunately, this is truth. Yes, gender of child is contribution of father by donating ‘X’ or ‘Y’ chromosome, but penis size is contributed by mother. “
 
 
Jaya left her seat and hugged me. She exclaimed, “Now it’s time for you to get ready. I will drop you at bus station.”

She walked downstairs leaving me in my awkwardness.

 
End of Chapter 34