33.3
Kavita
Again we assembled in the first floor balcony after early dinner. Jaya was smirking in anticipation. She resumed from last night. “Kavita, are you ready for your part of the story?”
I made a valiant attempt to change her determination, ”I am a very bad woman. You have all account of my filthy behaviour. I may try to influence you with my perverted intentions.”
“Have you finished bitching yourself? I am not going to get distracted by your silly act. Better you start your version of story.”
I was embarrassed to the core of my heart. Still I made a last attempt, “You are getting me wrong. My parents consider me a whore and they are correct in their decision. It’s not prudent to make any judgement on confession of a whore. By disgracing me further, you are not going to achieve anything. Please allow my dark secrets to die with me forever.” My voice choked in abhorrence. I hid my face behind my hands to avoid her gaze. Silence prevailed for long time.
She did not answer. She did not pay any attention to my pleading.
The wait was agonizing. Hearing some erratic footfalls, I removed my hands to assess the ground situation. She was pacing length and breadth of the balcony. Then she stopped behind me. She put her hands on my shoulder appeared to be encouraging me. In very gentle voice she addressed me, “I understand your dilemma, especially after the treatment you have received since your arrival. I sincerely apologize for causing pain. A woman is always hidden behind every whore. My profession has taught me to search for that woman camouflaged in the form of a whore.”
She slowly moved back to her seat, ”Kavita, here is a true story of a young Doctor named Mona. Her story may encourage you confessing the truth. She happens to be my colleague. You may find wide similarity with your life. I beg your concentration and active participation in her life portal. Your experience and suggestion may help her tide over the crisis she is facing.”
“I will be narrating Mona’s story in first person as I heard. Here the story goes.”
Monas story
My father was a very successful business man from Mumbai and staying in a small bungalow at suburb. He married my mother at a quite young age of 24 and mother was only 16 years. I was born within 3 years of their marriage. My mother was very beautiful and attractive. Her physical appeal was intoxicating. There were no helping hands in the house. She used to do all house hold chores herself. We were only three in the house. One gatekeeper cum gardener was employed. He was staying alone in the attached room just beside the gate under same roof where garage was located. My parents loved me a lot, especially my father. Always he was happy to meet my silliest demand even at the cost of his business. My mother cautioned him against pampering. He remained unperturbed. I also loved him a lot, more than my mother. Our father -daughter bonding was strong.
One person called Pratap regularly visited our house. He was business associate of my father. I was told to call him uncle. At very young age itself many times I discovered Pratap uncle and mother behind closed doors. I was not of the age to understand implications. What I vaguely remembered, sometimes I used to hit the closed door repeatedly calling my mother. Invariably, she used to open the door within short time. She never scolded me for my audacity even once. She always attended my requirements with care & passion. I vaguely remember now, Pratap uncle looked furious in such occasions. All other time he was very nice to me.
When I was just seven years old, I was sent to a boarding college at Dehradun. At that age I did not understand properly. My parents loved me a lot. Still I had to be isolated from them. They never forgot to meet me at least once in every month. Every time after holidays during my departure she was in inconsolable grief with tears. Whenever, I asked if they loved me so much why I had to stay in boarding college. Always her answer was same. “This is for your betterment. We want you to grow up in better environment. Atmosphere in Mumbai is not suitable for proper physical and mental growth. You know how much pollution is in Mumbai.”
During my stay on holidays I never saw Pratap uncle. I almost forgot his physic & face. I could not remember anybody calling his name in our discussion. He completely disappeared from my memory. At least thrice per week, mother used to spend a few hours outside home on pretext of some social services as I was informed. I had never shown any interest on her social services activities. For me it was nothing but waste of time. I was never suspicious.
Time passed. After plus I joined MBBS course in Delhi. My heaven broke during my internship. Holidays were not predetermined schedule. First time I decided to surprise my parents. Communication at that time was very limited. Mobiles were in imagination only. I left for Mumbai without informing and reached home mid noon. I did not expect my parents to be at home. Father would be busy on business and mother may be on social service. I made an elaborate plan on how to surprise them. I never imagined witnessing crushing shock of my life.
Gate keeper was shocked seeing me and tried to stop me going in. I strictly informed him not to inform my parents of my arrival and entered house. I saw him following me closely in a bid to stop me. I scolded and send him back. While crossing my parent’s bedroom, I saw it was closed. ‘So, she is at home,’ I murmured. To asses if she was sleeping, I pressed my ears on the door.
The sound was not clear. There appeared to be some kind of hustling and rustling barely unnoticeable. Then there was a clear male voice calling my mother by name. Immediately it followed with a whispering female voice barely audible...
So, father is also inside. In eagerness to surprise them, I made a blunder, I knocked the door. Immediately the sound stopped.
Then I heard my mother clearly, “You have come back? Why did not you call me? Wait, I am coming within fifteen minutes.”
I knocked again, this time a bit hard.
She raised her voice, “OK, I am coming. Wait downstairs,” then she continued lowering her voice, ”Sorry Pratap, you wait here. There must be some urgency. I will be back.” I heard her clearly. There was some rustling and I heard her moan, “Uhuuuuuu! Ahaaaa! Now leave me. OK!, be a good boy. I will be back soon.”
I heard the male voice again, “Don’t make me wait long at this state.”
I heard her giggle, “Day by day you are becoming young and impatient.”
Male voice replied, “What to do? Whenever I get you, I become mad. You are so intoxicating!”
I heard her moan, “Ahhaaaa!,” followed by a giggle, “No more pampering please! Now leave me. I have to go.”
I sensed immediately, there was something wrong. It was a great shock for me. Behind closed door, Pratap uncle was there with my mother, not my father. I got suspicious, but still not convinced. I silently prayed for being proved to be wrong. I wanted my knowledge to be a wild daydreaming. I retreated a few steps and patiently waited for my mother to open the door.
Within minutes she opened the door. Finding me on the door, she stood like a stone, lips parted and eyes almost coming out.
I was also in similar state. Her sari was cramped and untied. It was loosely wrapped on her body. She was clearly without blouse, hair disheveled. It required no imagination to understand on what she was busy. Within moments, I composed myself, peeped inside. There he was. Pratap was on the bed. He had covered his nakedness under bed sheet.
I stood there transfixed, may be for another 10 seconds to realize the truth. I fixed my eyes on her face for a brief period. I was not in a state to analyze her mind. That was the last time we met face to face. I picked my luggage and ran fast downstairs, then towards gate. I wanted to gate away from home, get away from my life. I took the return flight tor Delhi. I didn’t know how I had spent the night. Next day morning my father was there standing outside my hostel.
My mother was a cheater. She has cheated my father with her boyfriend, Pratap uncle, who is also business associate of my father. It took a lot of efforts and time for me to come to the terms, to accept the hard reality of life. At times, I submersed into depression. Thank God, I was associated with a medical profession. I could get proper guidance, though it was not easy to open up my shameful disastrous life. For a long time, I made repeated failed attempts to convince my father to divorce her. I explained, it was not a one-time affair. She was a born cheater. She must be cheating my father for years. He did not budge. He kept on begging to forgive her. He kept on stressing repeatedly, “It’s impossible for me to divorce your mother. I love her more than my life. I can’t live without her. I love you too. You are my life. Please don’t force me.”
We both knew very well; she was not welcome to meet me. I made it clear, I would never return to Mumbai, till he divorces his wife. I hated my mother to the core of my life. I even emotionally blackmailed my father to decide his relationship either on his wife or I.
Within six months, father transferred all his properties in my name. He had sold his business to invest in shares and fixed property.
“Does your wife know that you are transferring everything in my name? “I hated to consider her as my mother.
My father’s answer was affirmative, “it is done as per your mother’s instruction only.
“You could have given your wife something. You love that cheater so much. “I did not hesitate to address her as cheater. Father must have felt bad.
He did not show any repulse. “I proposed. Your mother did not agree. She does not trust herself?” Father calmly replied.
I was surprised. ‘Sacrifice to cover her cheating,’ I concluded. More surprises were awaiting me.
Father’s visit became less frequented. I was to be blamed. In order to remove my mother from his life, I exerted pressure on him. I threatened him to forget me unless he deserted her. It was a sort of extortion, you could say. I also got busy with academics & patients. Side by side, I devoted my time in preparation of PG admission. I was dreaming for becoming a heart specialist. I really got busy with myself and my career. We became ill frequented on telephones also.
Months passed. Since father stopped visiting, I had no visitors. It was on one Sunday morning; I was taking breakfast when I was informed about a visitor. I was taken aback. Visitors were not allowed inside ladies’ hostel. In the visitor’s room, Pratap uncle was waiting for me. If I had prior knowledge of this visitor, I could have been fugitive. Seeing me, he got up swiftly. He handed over me an envelope. Observing my hesitation, Pratap uncle added, “It’s about your father. It’s very urgent.”
Without uttering another word, he left the place. It was clearly evident; Pratap uncle had performed his duty under somebody’s instructions. Whose instructions could be? On any requirement, my father always appeared personally. Could it be that cheater? The disgusts renewed within me again.
I returned to my room and opened the envelope. It contained a small letter and another envelope. I opened the letter. Was it a letter? Yes, a business letter you can say.
There was no salutation!
*****
The letter read
Your father has lost his mental balance. He has been admitted in an asylum located near Mussoorie. All dues are paid up to lifetime. Please visit him sometimes, if possible. He will be happy though he may not recognize you. He loves you a lot. He loves you more than his life.
Address:
Old age home
Mussoorie
Ps:
You will find a bank locker key in the envelope. All legal documents are stored in the locker.
The attached envelope is not important. I do consider it as scrap. Nothing will fall apart, if you don’t read. It contains a letter of a destitute mother to her beloved daughter. She believes it will give you mental relief, you deserve. She believes truth must be faced truthfully.
Mona’s mother’s letter
There was no salutation.
This is a story of dark side of a wretched woman perceived to be happy in society and in outer world. This is a story of your mother, a story of your father. This story belongs to you also. You are part of our life. You are directly and indirectly involved in every decision we arrived. I will try to make it as brief as possible. I know you hate me. I don’t expect any change in your attitude. I deserved it. You father is a great-hearted person. Please take care of him.
It started with my marriage. I have just passed higher secondary. I was told by my friends, I am beautiful. My figure can spin any man’s mind. I felt pampered. I was 18-year-old virgin when got married. Your father prospered in business. He inherited a lot of properties, he multiplied them. Devotion to duty and sheer diligence was his strength. Honesty added third dimension.
I came from lower middle-class family. My beauty may be the only qualification for my selection. I wholeheartedly gave my body and soul to your father. In return he kept nothing for himself. Your father was not very active in bed. His staying power was abysmally low. It had no adverse effect in our relationship. Though, I remained unsatisfied always, I never forced him. Convincing self was not an issue as I had limited knowledge of physical pleasure in sexual relationship. We both were novice in this field.
After a year of marriage, I did not conceive. We checked doctors. My virility had passed all tests. Your father was diagnosed with very low sperm count. Either medical science was not that advanced on fertility or we had limited access, I can’t state correctly now. Even after one year of medication, I could not conceive. Your father was ready to give me divorce with alimony. Even he proposed to get me married off. I did not agree. I loved him. I proposed for adaptation. He had different thinking. He convinced me with examples in ‘Mahabharata’. He gave me example of 'Pandavas'. King 'Pandu' was not biological father of all five 'Pandava' brothers. I failed to break his resolve. He begged me for a child. I could not refuse him. I had to relent.
My first extramarital relationship started at very low pace with a single aim of conceiving. Your father made all arrangement. My extramarital affair ended along with my pregnancy. You were born when I was 21. We all were very happy. But it short lived. My physical stalemate was on increasing order. I had tasted blood. Your biological father was well built and an apt person. In our short relationship, he demonstrated and elevated my slumbering libido. He taught me various aspect of love making. I learnt the art of pleasuring partner while being pleasured. He demonstrated me the euphoria of orgasmic pleasure. My otherwise suppressed sexuality blossomed. No longer, I remained novice. Your father was a normal built person with low libido. The comparison was vivid. I remain unsatisfied and frustrated. No longer could I suppress my physical needs on the pretext of morality. My demand in bed increased more and more. I started forcing your father on every night beyond his capability. His performance was going down in same rate with my frustration. It had consequences everywhere. He looked tired always. It affected his business. He was breaking physically & mentally with every passing day. He held himself responsible for everything. He believed that he had destroyed my life. His pathetic condition was beyond imagination. My mood was also irritating. I knew I had to do something. I tried self-pleasuring. Initially, there was success. Slowly the success faded away. My body was craving for copulation, from a strong man which I was missing. I always remained mentally disturbed.
We consulted experts in the field.
I was diagnosed as hyper sexual woman for whom there was no authentic medical cure. Adverse effects on body and mind were discussed. Most of the discussions, I did not understand properly. It was full of medical terms. I only understood that cure is a long uncertain process involving psychological treatment. There was no guarantee. We should not expect any dramatic improvement. A lot of medical test, psychological treatment, hormones therapy followed without much improvement. My night mares continued. After a lot of mental fight and in-depth deliberations, he suggested for my remarriage. I could not think of marrying another man leaving your father and you. I loved both of you more than my life. I declined remarriage and suggested for only divorce, if that gives him peace of mind. He ruled out the possibilities. He confirmed of serious consequences, if I think so. I unsuccessfully tried to end my life. I was saved. I had to promise to your father not to repeat it till his lifetime. My departure from life will be an end to his life also. I feared this most. I knew his threat was not hollow. He was a man of principle. He was a man of his word. He again suggested for my remarriage. In unlikely situation of my inability to support you after my remarriage, he was ready to take care of you independently, all alone. I had to refuse him. I could not imagine my life without both of you. Neither could I leave you nor your father. As a last answer to reduce my physical anguish, your father suggested something unthinkable. He suggested for a met.
I was on the verge of breakdown. I had to relent. I enforced a condition. I would never share another man’s bed in night time. The night should belong only to us. Except on very few occasions, when he was out of city on business tour, we both strictly followed our conditions. I never missed a chance to cuddle him during sleep. We mutually agreed for one of his close associates - a well-built young man – Pratap.
I allowed Pratap to seduce me.
Your father was not a cuckold. He never asked me anything about my relationships outside marriage. I also never entertained him with any details about my outside sex life. Although we discussed and planned on other aspects like security, society, our health, STD, your future etc., and all other complications likely to arise out of my liaison. I continued working all household activities self-handed as maid servant was a perennial risk
Pratap joined my sex life. Physical affair with Pratap continued smoothly along with my medications. He could keep me physically satisfied. Initially, my relationship with him was purely physical. I had no emotional attachment with him. I used him as a tool for quench of my physical thirst. He wanted differently. I made my points very clear to him. He could access me only on my desire and never otherwise. He should not expect anything beyond my body. He was sad but accepted reluctantly. He was mesmerized with my beauty and surrendered to my lust. As time passed, I grew weak on him. I accepted his dominance over my body. He did not take a wife. I started considering him as my second husband, except for two things. I had given him everything except my mind. It belonged to your father only. I had to refuse Pratap on another request. I had refused him a child. Over time he gained my confidence. I believe him and he never did anything to lose my trust.
New problems started to surface as you grew up. Do you remember, in few occasions you knocked door when I and Pratap were locked behind doors? Pratap used to be frustrated on disturbances in middle of actions. It was frustrating for me also. I started feeling guilty out of our frustrations. Home was no more safe heaven. Our meetings became irregular. We had to solve logistics, avoiding your tender mind. Nearby hotels were not safe to conceal our identity, distant hotels were ruled out to justify your requirements.
Considering your future, your father and I decided to send you to boarding college. It was toughest decision for your father. He had to accept. Things improved. Only problem was your holidays. Your father again came out with a plan. We had a farm house within one-hour drive. I joined an NGO service on pretext to misguide neighbours. Though originally it was planned with Pratap only, soon, I elevated myself beyond Pratap. Mainly, he could not spare long time neglecting his other activities and my physical stalemate & lust overtook my senses. Seducing caretaker was not big problem. Part time recess during your holidays became regular round the year. Farm house became part of my life.
My transformation bloomed into the field of BDSM, and kinky activities. I got addicted in carnal pleasure. The more I got satisfaction the more I wanted. I started executing new experiments. With caretaker I practiced almost all form of unnatural sex. I became mad. It was beyond my control to resist the irresistible desire to adhere to unnatural sexual practices. Morning before starting from house, I instructed caretaker about the rolls to be performed that day and accordingly get prepared. He was a young man in early twenties with well-built physic, enormous energy and vitality. In the afternoon, I used to return back from farm house with satisfied body but mind full of guilty and remorse.
I was cheating on your father continuously with his full knowledge. Every night, I cuddled him to reduce my mental agony. We made love sparingly. I observed a strange phenomenon. Next two to three days of those rare incidents when your father made love to me, I remained calm and quite; an altogether different type of satisfaction.
Pratap was dead against on my visiting Farm house. He made many unsuccessful attempts to win over me and finally resigned. I had succumbed to my carnal slavery. He was almost out of my life on regular basis. He could not plan much time during day and nights belong to your father. Pratap disliked going to farm house and I was addicted to farm house. Still we could meet at least once on every week. His company was entirely different from farm house activities. I enjoyed his dominance over my body.
Man proposes and God disposes.
It was one of those rare days, we were locked inside. House entrance was not locked, as your father was scheduled to return. You landed without information. Everything got exposed. No explanations were required. My worst nightmare became true.
I wanted to die on the spot. I wanted to commit suicide. Your father came on the way. He reminded me of my promise. I loved him so much. My body and soul everything belonged to him. I had no power to decide of my own. I could not die against his wish, but I died in my mind.
Your discovery of my adultery had all devastating effects, except one. I was completely out of my lust. Your loath had its impact. What doctors could not achieve in years of treatment; your loath cured it in one stroke permanently. All the physical desires and lust got burnt into ashes. If your father could hate me at least for once, I could have come out of my obsession! Hate from loved one, it was like piercing your body and soul with million spears. The pain was beyond description, it could only be felt.
I became pure. You made this cheater pure. The fire you ignited burnt my impurity. It also burnt many other things along with it. A new woman took birth in the pyre, like a phoenix.
Your father tried to placate you unsuccessfully. Every time your father visited you in Delhi, I would be waiting anxiously outside campus for his return with your forgiveness. You started calling me a cheater, a whore. Your behaviours and attitude towards me pained your father more than me. I deserved punishment, not your father. Unknowingly, you were punishing your father. Neither could he stop you nor could he digest. He was dying every day. I could not help him in any way. Again I failed convince him to divorce me. I could not bring him out of his guilty consciousness. There was no dearth of love or understanding between us. But we both were helpless. He was becoming weaker day by day. His health deteriorated alarmingly. Continuing business was ruled out.
An impossible equation was to be solved.
Father loves daughter more than his life.
Daughter wants father to divorce and abandon mother.
Daughter doesn’t want to face mother at any cost.
Father does not want to live without mother.
Mother is not permitted to end her life.
Mother had no courage to face daughter. Assessing consequences, I begged your father to allow me at least once to meet you. He refused, thinking it will be painful to you. Our meeting will have negative effects on you. At certain phase of your life, offspring take major space of your life. He was ready to harm himself but not ready to hurt you at any cost.
As your father was not in a position to continue business, he closed the business to invest in property and company shares in your name. He transferred all other properties also in your name. After completion of all legal formalities, your father begged for permission for a peaceful death. How can I grant? He was my life. You both were suffering for my lust. Now, I know it was not my lust; it was a psychological and physical disorder on which I had no control. I was clueless.
Lately, your father came out with a solution. He suggested slow poisoning for himself. Once he will attain a stage of memory loss, he should be shifted into an asylum paving the way for my suicide.
Finally, I agreed. I had to agree.
Your father does not recognize me presently. I have shifted him in the asylum in Mussoorie.
By the time you receive this letter, I will be beyond anybody’s reach.
You are a very sweet daughter; any mother in this world would be envious. I am proud of you.
Believe me; I loved your father even more than you.
Bye.
Your mother.
P.S.
Never force yourself to perform my last rites. I don’t believe in future birth. If it exists, I earnestly desire your father beside me.
P.S.
As mother, I should have disclosed identity of your biological father. I have never seen him in daylight. I have never allowed him to switch on any light. I don't remember anything of him except that he was circumcised. He was definitely not from my religion. For me, you were gift of God. I never felt it necessary to know him. Your father also never divulged it to me. We never discussed about your biological father. Your father must be knowing but presently has lost his memory. You may be cursing us for putting you in mayhem. What could be your religion? For me you are above any religion. Your faith is humanity. You are mentally strong. You are educated. You will understand that no religion is superior to humanity.
If mating with other woman other than your spouse is considered immoral and define character of a person, your biological father was a characterless person. Otherwise he was a gentleman. He had treated me with respect and even offered to marry me. I only declined.
***
We remained silent for a long time.
I broke the silence. “What happened to Mona’s mother?”
Jaya answered, “That does not have any significance in our present discussion.” With brief pause she questioned, “In your opinion, who should be blamed for this dreadful state of anti-climax?”
I took long time to response, “I don’t blame anybody. All three were victim of circumstances.”
“OK, I appreciate your hesitation. At least can you suggest who is most victimised of circumstances? For whom do you feel more sorrowfulness?” Jaya inquired.
I took time to ponder,” I feel sorry for Mona’s mother.”
Jaya further probed, “And the reasons?”
“Mona definitely had shock of her life. She could not accept her mother in this state. She had no knowledge of truth. Obviously, she could not visualise beyond her vision. It’s quite natural for anybody to behave abnormally. However, she unnecessarily interfered into her parent’s life. She should have listened to her father. She over reacted. She was well aware of what she was demanding. Being an educated modern person, her childish behaviour is not acceptable.”
“Now see the life if Mona’s father. He had vision of his life. He always used his wife in his favour. Many times, he did not allow his wife to take decision on her own life independently. I am not complaining about decisions against suicide etc. Al least he could have allowed his wife to meet Mona. He was too scared and obsessed with his wife as well as Mona. He allowed his wife in adultery and impregnation by others for his benefit. He indirectly snuggled her into immorality in the disguise of help. He misused her to suppress his in-adequateness. He blackmailed her emotionally. He is basically a coward and selfish man. He deserved this end.”
“Now you compare the life of Mona’s mother. She was a pristine woman happily married. She was dragged into misery, first time by inflicting pregnancy through outside marriage. In the process she got acquainted with her sexuality. She had right on her body and sexuality to choose. Second time again she was inspired into adultery against her wish. She was obsessed with love. She did not have proper knowledge about consequences. As I said earlier, Mona’s father utilized her to suppress his shortcomings. He made her a scapegoat to fulfil his social responsibility. She was victim of false pride and fame of Mona’s father. She was not properly guided, she was hapless. She was not even allowed to meet her daughter. She suffered throughout her life. She had to end her life without her fault. I feel sorry for her.” I completed my reasoning.
Jaya contradicted me, “I mostly agree with you but not convinced totally. Agreed, Mona’s mother was the ultimate victim of circumstances. But she can’t shed her responsibility. She has to blame herself for her miserable life. She had the opportunity to reform her life. She acted like a fool. Her husband was inadequate in bed. Even his impotency was proved. She could have remarried. She made blunders. She is only responsible for her miserable life. What’s your opinion?”
I argued, “You are correct. She could have accepted divorce and remarriage. She was obsessed in love. But we must also consider that she was young and her sexuality was unknown to her. She can’t be blamed for her ignorance.”
Jaya was critical, “Definitely she was ignorant of her sexuality up to 2 years of her marriage. The situations changed during her impregnation process. She discovered her sexuality. She was knowledgeable on her physical needs. No longer, she could pretend ignorance. She had many options. She could go for abortion and remarriage. I can’t justify her resolutions to remain married and suffer only to blame others.”
“Abortion may not always be acceptable by everybody. If she weighed against killing of a life, she should not be blamed.” I counter attacked.”
Jaya was defensive. “Agreed. Everybody is not in favour of abortion. Even her husband could have rejected. Still I don’t support her. She had options left for remarriage. Child was not an issue. Her husband created opportunity for her to explore her sexuality within societal norms. Instead of accepting, she could have remarried. She did not. She opted for adultery within wedlock. Pratap was able to satisfy her needs. She was also weak on Pratap. I think, she liked him, maybe, she loved him also. She could easily marry him. I don’t consider her a fool, rather she was very clever. She wanted both the world, have cake and eat too. She discovered her sexuality and enjoyed. She was not ready to sacrifice her needs. She made perfect plan to be within wedlock and to enjoy freedom for uninhibited wild sex. She was greedy. She manipulated her husband in her favour for social status and adulterous life. She misused the weakness of her husband. She cheated her husband for purpose. Mona was right. She does not deserve any leniency. She should have been severely punished.” Jaya was seriously rejecting my views.
I protested, “You are thinking in wrong direction. You are in doubt on her love & affection towards her husband. You think in positive way. Just consider that she loved her husband more than her own life. You may argue it as obsession. But she was in love. Unfortunately, she could not control her physical stalemate. What could she have done? She could not forget her love. Also, she could not sacrifice her physical needs. She had no other options. Just think about the mental trauma she had to face every day. By cheating her husband, she was immersed in grief and sorrow. She was being punished every day to her conscious.”
Jaya ultimately surrendered to my reasoning. She spoke earnestly. “You are correct. Self-consciousness is most powerful friend as well as enemy to any individual. I was only thinking how lucky Mona’s mother was. Her husband was so accommodative, understanding and empathetic. I don’t know, what she would have done, if her husband was of opposite character. I mean, forget about accepting her adultery second time, he could have opposed the very idea. I think, in that case, she would have gone for remarriage. Abstaining from sex was impossible for her. She had to forgo her love, because love could not be so strong to win over physical lust.”
I vehemently opposed her. “Love can be strong enough to win over physical lust. If you really love somebody, sacrifice on your physical needs is nothing. People are ready to sacrifice their life for love, leave aside lust. We have witnessed a lot. If your love is hollow, things are different.”
Jaya was very calm. “Are you sure what are you claiming.”
I affirmed her, “Yes, I believe in true love.”
Jaya expressed her doubt, “But Mona’s mother could not win her lust. She continued degrading herself. She had written very clearly of her debacle. She did not love her husband truly.”
I opposed her, “I don’t think so. Quite possible Mona’s mother exaggerated in her letter. She had projected herself in degrading manner to glorify her husband. Her main aim was to win over her daughter without degrading her husband. She may have falsified.”
Jaya was sceptical, “So you think, Mona’s mother statement is not absolutely true. Is it possible to degrade self to glorify others?”
I expressed with solidarity, “Why not? Think about ‘Venus in furs’ and ‘The Confessions of Wanda Von Sacher-Masoch’. They are so different. I believe, Mona’s mother camouflaged her own character for her husband. Being a woman, it takes a lot of courage and sheer determination to depict self-character in degraded manner. She truly loved her husband.”
Jaya responded, “I totally agree with you. I also believe in true love. Did you love your husband? I don’t think so. Otherwise you would not have lusted on your boyfriend. You could not control your physical needs. Whatever you are considering as love is nothing but illusion. At present, you are emotionally weak on your husband. Two incidents have made an undue effect in your brain forcing you stop thinking rationally. The first one is my relationship with your husband. You are jealous of me. The second one is refusal by your husband and loathing. You are not able to accept the fact that your husband has given you freedom. Or you can construe it as; your husband has walked out of your life. You are feeling humiliated. You have regret, you have gratitude, you may have sympathy, but not love. Your husband has already forgiven you. Why to inflict further pain, when you don’t love him?
The turn of events puzzled me. I croaked, “Why don’t you believe me? I love him.”
Jaya’s voice rose above me, “You didn’t”
Clearly, she was not ready to accept any explanation from me. There was no point of arguing my case. I could not find any hope of meeting Manu. At least, Jaya would not relent. She was playing evasive. Dejected, I Sighed and blubbered, “I apologize. You may be correct from your point of view. You know very well that I cannot prove my claim. If you believe, I love my husband, I do. Otherwise I do not. Please allow me to return back tomorrow morning. I wish all best in your happy married life.”
I took her hands in mine and sobbed. “He has suffered a lot. He is a very good man. Please keep him happy.” I broke down in inconsolable whimper.
She allowed me to gain control over my emotions. When I looked at her back again, I discovered a confused and mystic face looking at me.
She spoke candidly, “I am confused. You know my relationship with your husband. I love him and am looking for a long-term relationship with him. I want to bear his children. He projected himself as a victim. As per his claims, you don’t love him and caused physical and mental abuse to him. Your boyfriend has bullied him with your permission and active approval by you. I did not believe him completely. To make a final call, I visited your house in Bangalore. I observed your love and affection for your husband. You cooked all the foods whatever he liked. I observed pain in your eyes finding me sharing his bed. No woman can behave in that matter, without deep love. I have no doubt, that you truly love him.”
She paused briefly. Then started in bitter tone, “This clearly indicates, he depicted you as a scarlet woman to malign you. He portrayed you as a cruel manipulative hustler to gain my sympathy. I am lucky that I visited Bangalore. I have been saved of my life. I could have been duped for life time in his trap! He had already spoilt your life from no return. He has spoilt my life also. He is a psychopath. He should not be allowed to move freely in society. He is dangerous to the society. I have decided to hand him over to security officer. Please accompany me to security officer station and report his crime. Then you can go back safely.”
***
![[+]](https://xossipy.com/images/bootbb/collapse_collapsed.png)
