19-01-2022, 04:39 PM
She held his hand lovingly she and said, "I care about you, just like you care about me"
"It don't have good memories about my past Pankh, that's why I don't like to talk about it." He said.
Pankhudi understood what he meant. Suddenly a flashback of her own abuse flashed across her mind and she began to cry. "It must have been so painful." she said holding his hand close to her cheek.
He held her close as she was crying. He was trying to console her. "Pankh, it's alright." He said.
He hugged her and kissed her. He held her in his arms till she stopped crying. They didn't speak a word after that.
After the bath, he gave her another shirt to wear. He offered her to have dinner with him, they sat on the dining table together where the servants had arranged the food. She was very nervous eating in his presence. She could eat very little despite her hunger. He sensed her uneasiness.
"Hey..." he said, "Relax, it's ok. Please have your food, I need to give you some very strong pain killers and taken on an empty stomach, they'll do more harm than good."
He saw her speed up a little and smiled. After dinner he took her back to room, and gave her a bunch of pills, one of them was a contraceptive, along with a glass of water and said, "You are going to need all of these."
She took the pills and the glass of water. She consumed all the pills one by one.
He then asked her to take off the shirt and lie down. He dimmed the lights. She was apprehensive. She was praying that he didn't want to fuck her. She was still in pain, and having sex would be even more painful. He saw her apprehension and sighed. He didn't say anything and started applying an ointment to her wounds.
"I've never been very fond of women" he said, "All my life I have heard that women are very loving, caring angels. It's all bullshit you know!"
Pankhudi didn't know how to react. She was just listening, lying naked in front of him while he gently continued applying the ointment.
"But there was something about you, since the very first time I saw you. I always felt very calm around you, I still do. Perhaps it is the innocence in your eyes...I don't know. A lot of people have seen the scars of my body Pankh, but only you could see the scars of my mind. You've seen me through all the bad thing. I always got that special feeling for you Pankhudi, I can't call it love...I don't know what it is, I just feel calm around you."
Pankhudi didn't know what to say. He asked her to turn around and started applying the ointment on her back.
"I don't know if I am the unfortunate one, but I never got a reason to respect women. My father was a rich man, but he wasn't born rich. He worked hard all his life to earn that much wealth. My birthmother.. well she left him for a richer man. I have grown up seeing my father live with the pain of loneliness and heartbreak. She didn't care about me either. She just walked away. My father had to marry again because I needed a mother. That turned out to be a bad decision. They say when problems come they don't come singly, they come in battalions. Nothing was alright since my step mother came in our house. Dad's business suffered heavy losses; we had huge loans to repay. Dad had to wind up the business, sell property and other assets. After that he went abroad to make a fresh start."
Pankhudi was listening with a lot of interest. He had been a mystery to her for a long time. She was finding it very fascinating to know about him. He finished tending to her wounds and tucked her in. He slipped into the sheets close to her, held her in his arms and continued, "She was a very abusive woman, and since Dad wasn't around to protect me anymore, she was free to exploit my vulnerability. She blocked all the ways I could communicate with dad. She threatened to hurt me even more if I told anyone. Why does it have to hurt being a child?"
She could feel the pain in his voice, as his heart got heavier. "So many years...of pain, suffering and humiliation. She thought she could break me. But she couldn't. How long could she hurt me? What didn't kill me, made me angry and bitter. I grew up, and swore revenge. My father died a natural death, unfortunately on a foreign land. I inherited a lot of wealth after his death. Money is power. I waited for the right moment and I had my revenge. I made her pay for everything she did to me." He said spitefully.
"What did you do?" Pankhudi asked in a worried tone.
"I killed her" he said coldly, "I gave the dreadful death she deserved. I tortured her for several days before I killed her. Each and every scream of hers was my reward. I made her pay for all those times she made me scream. I tortured her so much that she begged for her death. For the world, she went missing and her body was never found. No one could find her because I shredded her into a million pieces."
Pankhudi listened in horror as she saw bitterness and anger on his face.
"And then there was Dahlia" he continued, "She was my neighbour. She saw everything, she knew everything, but she did nothing to help me. Now I am making her suffer the same way. The most important lessons of life are learned through pain. She must bear the pain of forever being a mute witness to cruelty just like what she chose to do when she saw me suffering."
There was silence for some time. After a while his expression changed to a sorrowful one. "That abusive bitch is dead" he said, "I killed her, I had my revenge...but it still hurts, I am still not OK Pankh."
Pankhudi could feel his sorrow. She hugged him tightly.
"Maybe you need a hug Master" she said innocently, "When my father used to beat me, it used hurt so much. Then my mom always hugged me and told me that everything was going to be alright. And all the pain used to go away."
He was overwhelmed to see her innocence and how she could hug him without the slightest hesitation after all that he put her through. He too put his arms around her and closed his eyes to feel the warmth of her affectionate hug. For some time they were lost in the warmth of each other's embrace.
"Even after everything I did to you, you still don't hate me..." he spoke with a heavy heart, "I feel I made a mistake by bringing you here. You don't deserve all this. You are a wonderful person Pankh. I wish I could be like you...I wish I could still be human."
"You could move on Sir," she said lovingly, "You could find a nice girl, marry her, have lovely children...a family and..."
She didn't complete her sentence because she noticed a sudden change in his expression. He looked extremely distressed. He suddenly sat up on his bed. Pankhudi got scared seeing such a reaction. She remembered what had happened last time when she said something that disturbed him emotionally. She was so afraid; she didn't dare to say anything after that.
"You get some sleep, I need to be alone for a while" he said as he got up and walked towards the balcony.
She could see him through the glass. He stood with his hands on the railing his back facing her. She watched him look up towards the beautiful night sky. It was full of stars but there was no moon. The night was very dark, perhaps his life was darker.
Pankhudi couldn't sleep out of apprehension. She was worried that he might punish her. But the sedative she had consumed took over her fear and anxiety, and her eyelids began to feel heavy. She fell asleep.
Pankhudi woke up in the morning as the rays of the morning sun kissed her eyelids. She sat up on her bed, and suddenly realized that she was in her own apartment. She was shocked because of this was so sudden and unexpected. She felt around her neck, the collar had been removed. For a moment she wondered if she had been dreaming all this time. But she wasn't. The wounds on her body were very much real. She was naked under her bed sheet.
She got out of her bed and checked her mobile phone that she had left in her drawer. She so desperately wanted to know the date and time. It was Thursday, 7 am. She had spend only 3 days with him, but since she was kept in the dark without the knowledge of date and time, it felt like an eternity. She was so badly confused because of the psychological stress she was put through; she could hardly even orient herself to whatever has been happening. Everything happened so fast, but it felt like an eternity.
She found an envelope placed on a dressing table with a fresh red rose on it. She picked up the envelope and opened it to find a letter inside it. She recognized the handwriting. It read -
My precious Pankhudi,
I believe it is time I give you what you deserve the most - your freedom. A person's will breaks when they are pushed beyond their limits, subjected to brutality beyond their endurance. It poisons their soul and makes them bitter for life. Something changes forever, they can never be the same again. Pain and suffering destroys everything good that exists in a person, and leaves behind either a broken lifeless puppet or a disturbed violent creature. But you still so lily white. You are still the same sweetheart, just the way you were when I first saw you, sweet and loving. Your heart is still pure like a delicate dewdrop that I could hold gently on my palm forever. The innocence in your eyes is still so unblemished. That is because you, my darling, are truly incorruptible.
Love,
Armaan
Pankhudi began to cry with the letter in her hand. Whether those were tears of joy or sorrow, she couldn't tell. She was happy that she was free, she has been more or less a captive submissive after all. She never really had a choice to get away from him. But deep within her heart, she was missing him. It was just last night that she felt a bond developing with him, she was beginning to know him, understand him, but he suddenly chose to leave her. But she had so many questions in her mind. Why she had to feel that way for a person who had tormented her so much? She had no answers. She just knew that she felt strongly bonded to him, she could feel him - his love, his hate, his anger, his despair, his pain...and now she knew his name.
She was feeling free, for the first time in so many days. Since Armaan had started stalking her, she didn't have a single peaceful moment. She was constantly under fear of what he would do to her next. But not anymore. She still feared him, she had no doubt regarding what he was capable of doing, but she knew that he won't hurt her anymore. She called home and spoke to her family. They were fine, just like he had said. He had been watching over them as he had promised.
A day later she got a call from a well known company. It was an offer for a job. Perhaps Armaan had referred her name. She was called for an interview after a week. She was immediately selected and the salary offered was much higher than that of her previous job. Not just that, everyone in the office was particularly nice to her. She was very happy about her new job.
Several days went by. He never tried to contact her and there was no way she could. The wounds of the torture were beginning to heal, so was her life. She was beginning to live again, she was happy to realize that her life was still unharmed, just like it used to be before he came in her life, just like he said it would be when had promised her. She kept getting flashbacks of the time she spent with him in his room. It was the most wonderful time they spend together. She remembered how she was curiously exploring everything in his room, how all the things in his room were telling her so much about him. She still had a good memory of the face of the beautiful little girl in the broken picture frame. The girl's eyes were very similar to Pankhudi's. Armaan had told her his story alright, but it was not all of it. There was still something about him that she still didn't know.
Pankhudi felt very different about herself since he set her free. All that she had been through, it actually made her feel stronger. She had these dark desires within herself for a long time, she wanted to be dominated, and treated just like she was treated. There was a strange sense of satisfaction among her feelings of fear and anguish. She felt a strange calmness in her own agitated mind. She dreamt about Armaan several times. The fear she felt for him thrilled her. Since he left her, she could feel some sort of a void in her life. Sometimes she felt like talking to him, she wished she could find a way to contact him, but there was no way she could trace him.
She thought she'd call Nisha back, but she wasn't too sure about it. What if Armaan wasn't done with her yet? What if he comes back to torment and brutalize her again? He still had the evidence against her that could ruin her life. She couldn't take the risk. She didn't want Nisha to get hurt in all this.
Pankhudi continued living alone. She carried on with her life. The monsoon started, it began with the gentle drizzle of June to the thundering downpour of July.
It was one such night, when it was raining heavily and the sound of the thunder echoed pursuing the flashes of lightning across the sky. Pankhudi had returned from her office, and she didn't go to college. It was night and there was a power cut so it was very dark already. She was cooking her dinner in the kitchen in the light of a candle and a flashlight.
She heard her doorbell ring. She wasn't expecting anybody, at least not in such a frightening rainy night. It was already very dark, and her sixth sense was warning her of something. She opened the door. She saw a tall man standing before her, when she shone the flashlight on his face, she nearly screamed. She began to tremble thinking why he had come back in her life.
Armaan stood in front of her, tall and strong, but all drenched in the rain and his expression was very sad.
"I wanted to go home..." he said in a sad voice, "I lost my way."
"What do you want?" Pankhudi asked trembling with fear.
"Shelter for some time...it's raining and I.. " he said in a surprisingly submissive tone, his sentence was interrupted by the sound of thunder.
Pankhudi didn't know what to say. She stood there perplexed.
"It's ok..." he said in a breaking voice, "I'll...go away..."
He turned to leave. Pankhudi could not comprehend his strange behaviour. But instinctively she said, "No wait, come in."
She didn't know why she called him in. Deep in her heart she feared him, but she couldn't see a logical threat. What could he possibly do to her now that he couldn't have done earlier?
He was completely drenched in the downpour. She made him sit down on the sofa and offered him a towel to dry his head. He was dazed, like she had never seen him before. It was very dark, she couldn't see details of his expression, but she knew he was very sad. He sat there quietly.
"Are you OK, Sir?" she asked him.
He didn't respond. She began to dry his head with the towel. He still didn't say anything. Pankhudi was very much mystified to see him like that. He had come to her house walking through such heavy rain and now he wasn't speaking anything.
She made tea for him. Her hand trembled as she offered him the cup. He looked up at her and smiled weakly. He took the cup from her hand and thanked her. She went back to the kitchen and continued cooking. She thought maybe she should cook some more food for her guest. When the food was ready, she asked him if he would like to have dinner with her and he accepted after much hesitation. They had dinner quietly. She was expecting him to say something but he wasn't speaking a word.
After dinner, she broke the silence.
"Are you OK?" she asked again, "Please say something Sir."
"I don't know" he replied softly and became very quiet again.
Pankhudi didn't know what to say further. She looked at outside the window and said, "I don't think the rain's gonna stop anytime soon. You can stay here for the night, it's alright."
"Are you sure?" he asked looking at her. She nodded in affirmation.
She sat down beside him and gently put a hand on his shoulder.
"I wanted to go home" he said taking a deep breath, "I don't know the way...I don't know...where my home is..."
Pankhudi still didn't understand anything. But she didn't find it right to trouble him with questions, at least not now. The way his sentences were breaking, she could feel that he is actually breaking within himself.
"I think you should rest for a while" she said holding his arm, "Perhaps, you'll feel better."
"Perhaps..." he said with his eyes closed.
She led him to her bedroom. He was just as acquainted with her house as she was. She asked him to take off his wet clothes and gave him a towel to dry himself. He pulled the sheet over himself and was lying on the bed quietly. She lit a candle and placed it on a table. The flickering light filled the humble room. She sat down beside him quietly.
"Pankh" he said, "Please come closer...I need you."
She lied down next to him and he slowly held her in his arms, and kissed her cheek.
"I wish I wasn't so bad..." he said with very sad eyes.
"What happened?" Pankhudi asked.
"I lost my family Pankh" he said, "...and it was my fault."
Pankhudi got a faint idea about the cause of his grief. But so many things were still not clear. She just waited for him to speak.
"I tried to move on...it didn't work. So many years of struggling to survive...and then I grew up, met this girl Shalini. She was a nice girl, I thought she loves me, and she'd make me feel OK. I used to feel happy around her. But deep within I wasn't OK, I think I can never be OK. I have to live with this demon within me forever."
Pankhudi was listening patiently. She didn't interrupt.
"I married Shalini, everything was fine, I was beginning to live again. We were blessed with a beautiful daughter, I named her Priya. She meant the world to me. I loved my princess more than anything."
Even in the darkness she could see his anguish on his face. She touched his face gently and urged him to continue.
"My anger...it is my greatest curse. I can't control myself sometimes, especially if something reminds me of my terrible childhood days. I don't like to think or talk about my past. But something brings back bad memories, and I can't control my rage. Even after having my revenge, my mind is not at peace. Shalini wasn't the most sensitive person. She knew about me, but she wasn't always careful enough to tread lightly in situations that could make me lose my temper. I used to get mad at her and I hurt her several times. I was my fault, I agree, she didn't deserve that. And one day she couldn't take anymore, she left, and took my daughter along. Priya was just 2 years old when Shalini took her away"
"It was one of the most painful moments of my life. I didn't know what I could have done to make it better. I didn't hurt her on purpose. I can't control this monster within me. I missed my daughter more than anything. She was the only ray of hope in the dark life that I was living. I may have hurt my wife, but I never hurt Priya."
He held on to Pankhudi even tighter. Pankhudi would have otherwise panicked but this time she was calm. She had a strong reassuring feeling that he was not going to hurt her. She hugged him and started fondling his hair.
"Shalini divorced me. It was proved that I am suffering from a mental illness, and Priya's custody was given to my wife. I really missed my princess, but then I used to think that perhaps it is better if she stays away from me...perhaps safer." He took a deep breath and continued, "But Shalini began to act nasty since the divorce. She knew I loved my daughter a lot and so she began to use this as a way to torture me emotionally. For what I did to her in anger and emotional flare-up, she wanted to take her revenge in cold blood. She wouldn't even let me meet or talk to my daughter. She always told me that Priya was happier without me."
Contd.....
"It don't have good memories about my past Pankh, that's why I don't like to talk about it." He said.
Pankhudi understood what he meant. Suddenly a flashback of her own abuse flashed across her mind and she began to cry. "It must have been so painful." she said holding his hand close to her cheek.
He held her close as she was crying. He was trying to console her. "Pankh, it's alright." He said.
He hugged her and kissed her. He held her in his arms till she stopped crying. They didn't speak a word after that.
After the bath, he gave her another shirt to wear. He offered her to have dinner with him, they sat on the dining table together where the servants had arranged the food. She was very nervous eating in his presence. She could eat very little despite her hunger. He sensed her uneasiness.
"Hey..." he said, "Relax, it's ok. Please have your food, I need to give you some very strong pain killers and taken on an empty stomach, they'll do more harm than good."
He saw her speed up a little and smiled. After dinner he took her back to room, and gave her a bunch of pills, one of them was a contraceptive, along with a glass of water and said, "You are going to need all of these."
She took the pills and the glass of water. She consumed all the pills one by one.
He then asked her to take off the shirt and lie down. He dimmed the lights. She was apprehensive. She was praying that he didn't want to fuck her. She was still in pain, and having sex would be even more painful. He saw her apprehension and sighed. He didn't say anything and started applying an ointment to her wounds.
"I've never been very fond of women" he said, "All my life I have heard that women are very loving, caring angels. It's all bullshit you know!"
Pankhudi didn't know how to react. She was just listening, lying naked in front of him while he gently continued applying the ointment.
"But there was something about you, since the very first time I saw you. I always felt very calm around you, I still do. Perhaps it is the innocence in your eyes...I don't know. A lot of people have seen the scars of my body Pankh, but only you could see the scars of my mind. You've seen me through all the bad thing. I always got that special feeling for you Pankhudi, I can't call it love...I don't know what it is, I just feel calm around you."
Pankhudi didn't know what to say. He asked her to turn around and started applying the ointment on her back.
"I don't know if I am the unfortunate one, but I never got a reason to respect women. My father was a rich man, but he wasn't born rich. He worked hard all his life to earn that much wealth. My birthmother.. well she left him for a richer man. I have grown up seeing my father live with the pain of loneliness and heartbreak. She didn't care about me either. She just walked away. My father had to marry again because I needed a mother. That turned out to be a bad decision. They say when problems come they don't come singly, they come in battalions. Nothing was alright since my step mother came in our house. Dad's business suffered heavy losses; we had huge loans to repay. Dad had to wind up the business, sell property and other assets. After that he went abroad to make a fresh start."
Pankhudi was listening with a lot of interest. He had been a mystery to her for a long time. She was finding it very fascinating to know about him. He finished tending to her wounds and tucked her in. He slipped into the sheets close to her, held her in his arms and continued, "She was a very abusive woman, and since Dad wasn't around to protect me anymore, she was free to exploit my vulnerability. She blocked all the ways I could communicate with dad. She threatened to hurt me even more if I told anyone. Why does it have to hurt being a child?"
She could feel the pain in his voice, as his heart got heavier. "So many years...of pain, suffering and humiliation. She thought she could break me. But she couldn't. How long could she hurt me? What didn't kill me, made me angry and bitter. I grew up, and swore revenge. My father died a natural death, unfortunately on a foreign land. I inherited a lot of wealth after his death. Money is power. I waited for the right moment and I had my revenge. I made her pay for everything she did to me." He said spitefully.
"What did you do?" Pankhudi asked in a worried tone.
"I killed her" he said coldly, "I gave the dreadful death she deserved. I tortured her for several days before I killed her. Each and every scream of hers was my reward. I made her pay for all those times she made me scream. I tortured her so much that she begged for her death. For the world, she went missing and her body was never found. No one could find her because I shredded her into a million pieces."
Pankhudi listened in horror as she saw bitterness and anger on his face.
"And then there was Dahlia" he continued, "She was my neighbour. She saw everything, she knew everything, but she did nothing to help me. Now I am making her suffer the same way. The most important lessons of life are learned through pain. She must bear the pain of forever being a mute witness to cruelty just like what she chose to do when she saw me suffering."
There was silence for some time. After a while his expression changed to a sorrowful one. "That abusive bitch is dead" he said, "I killed her, I had my revenge...but it still hurts, I am still not OK Pankh."
Pankhudi could feel his sorrow. She hugged him tightly.
"Maybe you need a hug Master" she said innocently, "When my father used to beat me, it used hurt so much. Then my mom always hugged me and told me that everything was going to be alright. And all the pain used to go away."
He was overwhelmed to see her innocence and how she could hug him without the slightest hesitation after all that he put her through. He too put his arms around her and closed his eyes to feel the warmth of her affectionate hug. For some time they were lost in the warmth of each other's embrace.
"Even after everything I did to you, you still don't hate me..." he spoke with a heavy heart, "I feel I made a mistake by bringing you here. You don't deserve all this. You are a wonderful person Pankh. I wish I could be like you...I wish I could still be human."
"You could move on Sir," she said lovingly, "You could find a nice girl, marry her, have lovely children...a family and..."
She didn't complete her sentence because she noticed a sudden change in his expression. He looked extremely distressed. He suddenly sat up on his bed. Pankhudi got scared seeing such a reaction. She remembered what had happened last time when she said something that disturbed him emotionally. She was so afraid; she didn't dare to say anything after that.
"You get some sleep, I need to be alone for a while" he said as he got up and walked towards the balcony.
She could see him through the glass. He stood with his hands on the railing his back facing her. She watched him look up towards the beautiful night sky. It was full of stars but there was no moon. The night was very dark, perhaps his life was darker.
Pankhudi couldn't sleep out of apprehension. She was worried that he might punish her. But the sedative she had consumed took over her fear and anxiety, and her eyelids began to feel heavy. She fell asleep.
Pankhudi woke up in the morning as the rays of the morning sun kissed her eyelids. She sat up on her bed, and suddenly realized that she was in her own apartment. She was shocked because of this was so sudden and unexpected. She felt around her neck, the collar had been removed. For a moment she wondered if she had been dreaming all this time. But she wasn't. The wounds on her body were very much real. She was naked under her bed sheet.
She got out of her bed and checked her mobile phone that she had left in her drawer. She so desperately wanted to know the date and time. It was Thursday, 7 am. She had spend only 3 days with him, but since she was kept in the dark without the knowledge of date and time, it felt like an eternity. She was so badly confused because of the psychological stress she was put through; she could hardly even orient herself to whatever has been happening. Everything happened so fast, but it felt like an eternity.
She found an envelope placed on a dressing table with a fresh red rose on it. She picked up the envelope and opened it to find a letter inside it. She recognized the handwriting. It read -
My precious Pankhudi,
I believe it is time I give you what you deserve the most - your freedom. A person's will breaks when they are pushed beyond their limits, subjected to brutality beyond their endurance. It poisons their soul and makes them bitter for life. Something changes forever, they can never be the same again. Pain and suffering destroys everything good that exists in a person, and leaves behind either a broken lifeless puppet or a disturbed violent creature. But you still so lily white. You are still the same sweetheart, just the way you were when I first saw you, sweet and loving. Your heart is still pure like a delicate dewdrop that I could hold gently on my palm forever. The innocence in your eyes is still so unblemished. That is because you, my darling, are truly incorruptible.
Love,
Armaan
Pankhudi began to cry with the letter in her hand. Whether those were tears of joy or sorrow, she couldn't tell. She was happy that she was free, she has been more or less a captive submissive after all. She never really had a choice to get away from him. But deep within her heart, she was missing him. It was just last night that she felt a bond developing with him, she was beginning to know him, understand him, but he suddenly chose to leave her. But she had so many questions in her mind. Why she had to feel that way for a person who had tormented her so much? She had no answers. She just knew that she felt strongly bonded to him, she could feel him - his love, his hate, his anger, his despair, his pain...and now she knew his name.
She was feeling free, for the first time in so many days. Since Armaan had started stalking her, she didn't have a single peaceful moment. She was constantly under fear of what he would do to her next. But not anymore. She still feared him, she had no doubt regarding what he was capable of doing, but she knew that he won't hurt her anymore. She called home and spoke to her family. They were fine, just like he had said. He had been watching over them as he had promised.
A day later she got a call from a well known company. It was an offer for a job. Perhaps Armaan had referred her name. She was called for an interview after a week. She was immediately selected and the salary offered was much higher than that of her previous job. Not just that, everyone in the office was particularly nice to her. She was very happy about her new job.
Several days went by. He never tried to contact her and there was no way she could. The wounds of the torture were beginning to heal, so was her life. She was beginning to live again, she was happy to realize that her life was still unharmed, just like it used to be before he came in her life, just like he said it would be when had promised her. She kept getting flashbacks of the time she spent with him in his room. It was the most wonderful time they spend together. She remembered how she was curiously exploring everything in his room, how all the things in his room were telling her so much about him. She still had a good memory of the face of the beautiful little girl in the broken picture frame. The girl's eyes were very similar to Pankhudi's. Armaan had told her his story alright, but it was not all of it. There was still something about him that she still didn't know.
Pankhudi felt very different about herself since he set her free. All that she had been through, it actually made her feel stronger. She had these dark desires within herself for a long time, she wanted to be dominated, and treated just like she was treated. There was a strange sense of satisfaction among her feelings of fear and anguish. She felt a strange calmness in her own agitated mind. She dreamt about Armaan several times. The fear she felt for him thrilled her. Since he left her, she could feel some sort of a void in her life. Sometimes she felt like talking to him, she wished she could find a way to contact him, but there was no way she could trace him.
She thought she'd call Nisha back, but she wasn't too sure about it. What if Armaan wasn't done with her yet? What if he comes back to torment and brutalize her again? He still had the evidence against her that could ruin her life. She couldn't take the risk. She didn't want Nisha to get hurt in all this.
Pankhudi continued living alone. She carried on with her life. The monsoon started, it began with the gentle drizzle of June to the thundering downpour of July.
It was one such night, when it was raining heavily and the sound of the thunder echoed pursuing the flashes of lightning across the sky. Pankhudi had returned from her office, and she didn't go to college. It was night and there was a power cut so it was very dark already. She was cooking her dinner in the kitchen in the light of a candle and a flashlight.
She heard her doorbell ring. She wasn't expecting anybody, at least not in such a frightening rainy night. It was already very dark, and her sixth sense was warning her of something. She opened the door. She saw a tall man standing before her, when she shone the flashlight on his face, she nearly screamed. She began to tremble thinking why he had come back in her life.
Armaan stood in front of her, tall and strong, but all drenched in the rain and his expression was very sad.
"I wanted to go home..." he said in a sad voice, "I lost my way."
"What do you want?" Pankhudi asked trembling with fear.
"Shelter for some time...it's raining and I.. " he said in a surprisingly submissive tone, his sentence was interrupted by the sound of thunder.
Pankhudi didn't know what to say. She stood there perplexed.
"It's ok..." he said in a breaking voice, "I'll...go away..."
He turned to leave. Pankhudi could not comprehend his strange behaviour. But instinctively she said, "No wait, come in."
She didn't know why she called him in. Deep in her heart she feared him, but she couldn't see a logical threat. What could he possibly do to her now that he couldn't have done earlier?
He was completely drenched in the downpour. She made him sit down on the sofa and offered him a towel to dry his head. He was dazed, like she had never seen him before. It was very dark, she couldn't see details of his expression, but she knew he was very sad. He sat there quietly.
"Are you OK, Sir?" she asked him.
He didn't respond. She began to dry his head with the towel. He still didn't say anything. Pankhudi was very much mystified to see him like that. He had come to her house walking through such heavy rain and now he wasn't speaking anything.
She made tea for him. Her hand trembled as she offered him the cup. He looked up at her and smiled weakly. He took the cup from her hand and thanked her. She went back to the kitchen and continued cooking. She thought maybe she should cook some more food for her guest. When the food was ready, she asked him if he would like to have dinner with her and he accepted after much hesitation. They had dinner quietly. She was expecting him to say something but he wasn't speaking a word.
After dinner, she broke the silence.
"Are you OK?" she asked again, "Please say something Sir."
"I don't know" he replied softly and became very quiet again.
Pankhudi didn't know what to say further. She looked at outside the window and said, "I don't think the rain's gonna stop anytime soon. You can stay here for the night, it's alright."
"Are you sure?" he asked looking at her. She nodded in affirmation.
She sat down beside him and gently put a hand on his shoulder.
"I wanted to go home" he said taking a deep breath, "I don't know the way...I don't know...where my home is..."
Pankhudi still didn't understand anything. But she didn't find it right to trouble him with questions, at least not now. The way his sentences were breaking, she could feel that he is actually breaking within himself.
"I think you should rest for a while" she said holding his arm, "Perhaps, you'll feel better."
"Perhaps..." he said with his eyes closed.
She led him to her bedroom. He was just as acquainted with her house as she was. She asked him to take off his wet clothes and gave him a towel to dry himself. He pulled the sheet over himself and was lying on the bed quietly. She lit a candle and placed it on a table. The flickering light filled the humble room. She sat down beside him quietly.
"Pankh" he said, "Please come closer...I need you."
She lied down next to him and he slowly held her in his arms, and kissed her cheek.
"I wish I wasn't so bad..." he said with very sad eyes.
"What happened?" Pankhudi asked.
"I lost my family Pankh" he said, "...and it was my fault."
Pankhudi got a faint idea about the cause of his grief. But so many things were still not clear. She just waited for him to speak.
"I tried to move on...it didn't work. So many years of struggling to survive...and then I grew up, met this girl Shalini. She was a nice girl, I thought she loves me, and she'd make me feel OK. I used to feel happy around her. But deep within I wasn't OK, I think I can never be OK. I have to live with this demon within me forever."
Pankhudi was listening patiently. She didn't interrupt.
"I married Shalini, everything was fine, I was beginning to live again. We were blessed with a beautiful daughter, I named her Priya. She meant the world to me. I loved my princess more than anything."
Even in the darkness she could see his anguish on his face. She touched his face gently and urged him to continue.
"My anger...it is my greatest curse. I can't control myself sometimes, especially if something reminds me of my terrible childhood days. I don't like to think or talk about my past. But something brings back bad memories, and I can't control my rage. Even after having my revenge, my mind is not at peace. Shalini wasn't the most sensitive person. She knew about me, but she wasn't always careful enough to tread lightly in situations that could make me lose my temper. I used to get mad at her and I hurt her several times. I was my fault, I agree, she didn't deserve that. And one day she couldn't take anymore, she left, and took my daughter along. Priya was just 2 years old when Shalini took her away"
"It was one of the most painful moments of my life. I didn't know what I could have done to make it better. I didn't hurt her on purpose. I can't control this monster within me. I missed my daughter more than anything. She was the only ray of hope in the dark life that I was living. I may have hurt my wife, but I never hurt Priya."
He held on to Pankhudi even tighter. Pankhudi would have otherwise panicked but this time she was calm. She had a strong reassuring feeling that he was not going to hurt her. She hugged him and started fondling his hair.
"Shalini divorced me. It was proved that I am suffering from a mental illness, and Priya's custody was given to my wife. I really missed my princess, but then I used to think that perhaps it is better if she stays away from me...perhaps safer." He took a deep breath and continued, "But Shalini began to act nasty since the divorce. She knew I loved my daughter a lot and so she began to use this as a way to torture me emotionally. For what I did to her in anger and emotional flare-up, she wanted to take her revenge in cold blood. She wouldn't even let me meet or talk to my daughter. She always told me that Priya was happier without me."
Contd.....
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