[hirarandi]

mai dabi jaa rahi hun, thodi der hat jao, baad mein kar lena” —– pinki ne haanpte huve kaha.
“Aisa karte hai, aap ghum jao mai peeche se daal kar maarunga, tab aap par, mere sharir ka bojh nahi padega” —— driver bhi haanpte huve bola.
ye kah kar driver ne pinki ke hole se apna penis nikaal liya aur pinki ko kaha, “ghum jao madam, ye position theek rahegi, mai to aksar apni biwi ki aisey hi maarta hun”
“mai tumhaari biwi nahi hun samjhe jo mujh par hukam chalaaoge” —— pinki ne gusse mein kaha.
“Hukam nahi chala raha memsaab, mai to request kar raha tha, ye position aapke bhale ke liye hi bol raha hun” —– driver hairaani bhare shabdo mein bola.
“hmm…..theek hai, par araam se daalna ok, kahi phir se josh mein aa jao” —– pinki ne driver ko daantate huve kaha.
“Ji memsaab bilkul pyar se daalunga aap chinta mat karo….he..he..” ——- driver ne hanste huve kaha.
“Pig kahi ka” — pinki ne dheere se kaha aur ushke saamne ghum kar doggy style mein aa gayi.
Driver pinki ke nitambo ko faila kar ruk gaya aur ushke nitambo ko dhyaan se dekhte huve bola, “arey memsaab, ye aapke peechle hole par safed safed sa kya laga hai… hmm ….he..he..he… …lagta hai suresh babu aapki gaand maar kar gaye hai, par itni choti si gaand mein unhone lauda kaise ghussa diya, kya aapko dard nahi huva” ?.
“Dekho tum apne kaam se matlab rakho, theek hai, varna mai aage kuch nahi karne dungi” —- pinki ne peeche mud kar driver ki aur dekhte huve kaha.
“Oh sorry ji, aap to baat baat par bura maan jaate ho” — driver nautanki karte huve bola.
ushne apna ling haath mein liya aur pinki ke hole par rakh kar ek jor daar shot maara
“uuuuuyyyyyyiiiiiiiiiiii…..mmmmmmmm….tum nahi shudroge, jaanvar, jangli…pig…and what not….” —- pinki jhallate huve boli.
“meri galti nahi hai memsaab aapki chut mein lauda apne aap fisal jaata hai, bahut chikni ho aap…” —- driver hanste huve bola
“shut up you pig” —– pinki jor se boli.
“ye suvar aaj aapki ache se lega memsaab….huuummmm…” ye kah kar driver ne ek dam se jor jor se dhakke maarne shuru kar diye.
“Rrrrr…ruko…. Ye kya kar rahe ho araam se karo mai gir jaaungi” —– pinki haanpte huve boli.
“girne nahi dunga aapko memsaab aapki chut mein mera lauda fansa huva hai, fevicol ka jod hai tutega nahi..he..he” — driver besharmi se hanste huve bola.
driver lagaataar bina ruke pinki ke ander apna penis ragadta raha aur pinki aaaahhhh..oooohhhhh kar ke cheellati rahi.
achaanak driver ruk gaya.
Vo aisi position mein ruka tha jishmein ki pinki ke ander ushka koyi ek inch hi dala huva tha.
Ushne apne muh ko pinki ke asshole ke theek upar kiya aur vaha upar se hi dheere se thuk diya. thuk seedha pinki ke asshole par gir gaya. Pinki ko shaayad ish baat ka pata nahi chala.
“hhhhh…..hhhh” pinki ki saanse tej tej chal rahi thi.
vo boli, “theek hai…ho gaya na tumhaara”
“nahi memsaab abhi kaha, abhi to shuruvaat ki hai, ye safar to lamba chalega” —— driver bola.
ye kah kar driver phir se pinki ki jor-jor se maarne laga.
“oooohhhhhh…..jaldi karo, mujhe ghar bhi jaana hai” —- pinki haanpte huve boli.
“aaaahhhhhh …..oooohh…chali jaana memsaab itni bhi kya jaldi hai, ache se maar to lene do, mere paas to yahi din hai. suresh babu ko to din, raat deti ho, mere time pe ghar jaana hai” —— driver aahein bharte huve bola.
“shut up you pig” —- pinki ne gusse mein kaha.
“Shut up you pig, shut up you pig, aapko kuch aur nahi aata kya” — driver ne pinki se pucha.
Ye kah kar driver ne achaanak pinki ki yoni se apna ling nikaal liya aur ish se pehle ki pinki kuch samajh paati ushne penis ko ushke asshole par rakha, aur jor se dkakka maar kar ushke asshole mein apna ling ghussa diya.
“Uuuuyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiiiii……mar gayi…..ye kya kiya…. ohhh no…… tumne… you dirty ugly pig nikaalo jaldi ….aaahhhh…no” pinki dard se cheellate huve boli.
“rukiye memsaab thodi der mein sab theek ho jaayega” —– driver ne pinki ko dilaasa dete huve kaha.
“Dekho mujhe yaha se bilkul acha nahi lagta, tum jaldi nikaal lo…mujhe dard ho raha hai…uuuuhhhhh maaaa” pinki karaahte huve boli.
“suresh babu bhi to gaand maar ke gayein hai, phir mai kyo nahi maar sakta” —– driver ek halka sa dhakka laga kar bola.
“ oohh you dirty animal, take it out” —- pinki ne cheella kar kaha.
“Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aaya memsaab, angreji upar se nikal gayi” —– driver ne mushkuraate huve kaha.
Ye kah kar driver pinki ke asshole mein jor jor se dhakke maarne laga. ushe shaayad pinki ke dard ki koyi parvaah nahi thi.
Pinki driver ke dhakko ko nahi sah paayi aur bed par seedhi girti chali gayi aur ushke saath saath driver bhi ushke upar girta chala gaya.
Ab pinki seedhi pet ke bal leti huyi thi aur driver ushke asshole mein ling daale huve apna bhaari bharkam sharir liye ushke upar pada tha.

[hirarandi]

Driver ne ushi position mein pinki ke asshole ki ragad chaalu kar di.
Pinki jor se cheellayi, “hat jao, kutte kamine kahin ke mai dab gayi hun, mera dam ghuta ja raha hai.”
Par driver ne ushki baat par dhyaan nahi diya aur teji se apne dhakke marne mein laga raha.
“Ooohhhhhh… bahut tight gaand hai, lauda badi mushkil se ander baahar ho raha hai, lagta hai suresh babu ne aapki abhi ache se gaand nahi maari. par memsaab ab aap chinta mat karo ishke baad aapki gaand khul jaayegi…he..he…..ho..ho….aur aap baad mein maje se gaand mein ley paaogi.” —- driver besharmi se hanste huve bola.
“chup karo kutte kahin ke, tumhe jara bhi tameez nahi hai, aur jaldi hato, mai dabi jaa rahi hun.” —- pinki gusse mein boli.
par driver apna kaam kiye bina hatne waala nahi tha.
vo pinki ke asshole ko kaafi der tak fuck karta raha
“aaaaaaahhhhhhh…….oooohhhhhh ye gaya aapki gaand mein mere ganne ka rash memsaab” —– driver ne aankhe band karke kaha. ‘Vo apne orgasm mein dub gaya tha’.
driver pinki ke upar se hat gaya aur apne ling ko dekhte huve bola, “memsaab yakin nahi hota ki ye itna bada lauda aapki choti si gaand mein gussa huva tha…he..he..ho..ho”
“dafa ho jao yaha se ab varna mein tumhaari jaan ley lungi” —- pinki ushi haalat mein pade pade boli.
“thankyou memsaab aapne bahut ache se marvaayi hai, kabhi dubaara man kare to mujhe yaad kar lijeeyega, banda hajeer ho jaayega, suresh babu se jyada khus rakhunga mein aapko” —- driver ne pinki ke nitambo ko thap-thapaate huve kaha.
“Haath dur rakho mujh se ab, aur apne raste jao samjhe… dirty…. scum…pig” —– pinki ne gusse mein kaha.
Driver ne apne kapde pahan liye aur pinki ko jor laga kar seedha kiya aur ushke honto par jabardasti kiss karne laga
“Uuuuhhh hato…mmm tum jaate ho ki nahi… jaanvar…jangli..” —- pinki driver ko hataate huve boli.
“jaa raha hun memsaab bas aapko jaate jaate namaste kar raha tha” —- driver ne kaha.
Driver vaha se chala gaya aur pinki daud kar toilet mein ghuss gayi.
Manish foran parde ke peeche se baahar aa gaya aur ushne mujhe bhi ishaara kiya ki jaldi se chupchaap mere peeche peeche aa jao.
Mai to kab se vaha se nikalne ka soch rahi thi, vaha khade khade mere paanv dukhne lage the.
Hum chupchaap 102 se nikal kar 103 mein aa gaye
103 mein aakar hamne chain ki saans li. Par mai manish se najre nahi mila paa rahi thi. kyonki manish ne bhi mere saath saath sab kuch dekha tha.
ush din shaam ko maine suresh ko phone karke ghar aane ko kaha.
Maine pinki ko phone karke ushe bhi vahi bula liya. vo aane se mana kar rahi thi. kah rahi thi mujhe kuch acha mahsush nahi ho raha hai. par maine ushe aane ke liye mana hi liya.
Maine apne khaas khaas ristedaaro ko bhi phone karke bula liya.
Sabhi log 8:30 baje tak ghar pahunch gaye the.
Sabhi ke saamne maine suresh(mahesh) ki chappal se khub dhunaayi ki aur sabhi ko ushki shaadi ke baare mein bataaya.
Baaki ke logo ne bhi ushe khub maara.
Aur to aur maine ushe pinki se bhi pitvaaya.
Darasal, maine vaha kisi ko pinki aur suresh ke riste ke baare mein nahi bataaya tha. mai nahi chaahti thi ki pinki ki badnaami ho. pinki se maine ushe ishliye pitwaaya kyonki ushne pinki ko driver ke saath karne ke liye majboor kiya tha.
Pinki ke chehre se yahi lag raha tha ki vo ushe nahi maarna chaahti, par maine khud vaha khade hoke ushke haath mein chappal di aur suresh ki pinki ke haato dhunaayi karvaayi.
Pinki ko maine kuch nahi bataaya ki mujhe ushke baare mein pata hai ki nahi. darasal maine ushe bachi samajh kar maaf kar diya. vaise bhi ushe ushke kiye ki saja mil chuki thi.
Maine dipti se kaha, “hmmm……. Bahut acha kiya tumne suresh ki dhunaayi karke, vo ishi laayak tha”
Tabhi neha beech mein bol padi, achi saja mili dono ko, vo ishi laayak the. Arey tumhe pata hai ush ashok ko bhi bhagvaan ne ushke kiye ki saja de di hai.
Mai ye baat shun kar chonk gayi
Maine neha se pucha, tumhe kaise pata chala.
Vo boli, kisi ne mujhe bataaya hai.
Dipti ne neha se pucha, “kya bataaya hai”
“Vo security officer encounter mein maara gaya, ushke saath 2 ladko ki bhi maut huyi hai” — neha ne dipti ki aur dekhte huve kaha.
Maine man hi man mein kaha, “billu aur raju”
Tabhi achaanak neha ka mobile baj utha aur vo excuse me kah kar kamre se baahar chali gayi.
Dipti dheere se boli, to tum theek kah rahi thi, vo sabhi maare gaye hai.
Maine kaha, “haan par tum meri kahaani neha ko mat shunaana, mai ye baat kisi ko nahi bataana chaahti, tumhe ishliye bataaya kyonki tum meri best friend ho”
“Arey ye bhi kya kahne ki baat hai” — dipti meri aur dekhte huve boli.
tabhi neha ander aa gayi aur boli, “yaar mujhe jaana hoga, acha laga tum dono se itne dino baad mil kar, phir kabhi fursat mein milenge”
hum dono ne neha ko baahar tak ushki car tak see off kiya aur vaapas ander mere kamre mein aa gaye.
“Yaar ye bataao kya socha tumne phir” — dipti ne mujh se pucha
“kish baare mein” —- maine ulta sawaal kiya
“arey vahi ki sanjay aur vivek billu ko kaise jaante hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“yaar ab to confirm ho gaya ki vo sabhi maare ja chuke hai, mujhe nahi lagta ki ye sab jaan kar hamein kuch haansil ho paayega” —- maine gahri saans ley kar kaha.
“Tumhe yaad hai, vo billu tumhe sanjay ko sab kuch bataane ko kah raha tha, aakhir vo aisa kyo chaahta tha” ?? dipti ne mujh se pucha.
“maine kaha, mujhe nahi pata dipti aur na hi mujh mein ye sab jaan-ne ki himmat baaki hai, jitna mai peechli baato ko yaad karungi utna hi ghut ghut kar jeeyungi, acha yahi hai ki mai sab kuch bhul kar ek nayi shuruvaat karun, sanjay shaayad mujhe na apnaaye par mera beta chintoo to hai na, ushke liye to mujhe jeena hi hai”—- maine dipti se kaha
“yaar mai tumhaari dost hun, mujhe baar baar kuch gadbad lag rahi hai, please kuch karo na, sach jaan-ne mein koyi buraayi nahi hai” —- dipti ne mujhe convince karte huve kaha.
“Buraayi hai dipti, paap mai khud karun aur jaashus apne pati ke peeche laga dun, ye kaha ki inshaaniyat hai, mai aisa nahi kar sakti” — maine dipti ki aur dekhte huve kaha.
“Agar ye kaam mai apni taraf se manish ko de dun to tumhe koyi aitraaj to nahi” ??
“hmm…. Dipti tum kyon ye sab jaan-na chaahti ho” — maine pucha
“kyonki mera man baar baar kah raha hai ki kahin na kahin bahut badi gadbad jaroor hai. mai ye nahi kah rahi ki sanjay galat hai, mai bhi ushe jaanti hun, par pata nahi kyon mera man kah raha hai ki ish raaj ki gahraayi tak jaana jaroori hai” —— dipti ne mera haath pakad kar kaha.
“hmm… theek hai, tum saari kahaani jaan chuki ho, karlo jo karna hai, par mera naam kahin nahi aana chaahiye, sanjay ko pata chal gaya to unhe bahut bura lagega, mai unhe aur koyi dukh nahi dena chaahti.
“Thankyou very much ritu, that’s like a brave old ritu..he he” —- dipti mushkuraate huve boli
mai bhi ushki baat shun kar hans padi..

[hirarandi]

20 april 2008, se lekar 26 september 2008 tak, koyi 5 mahino mein, mere saath itna kuch ho gaya aur meri hansti khelti jeendagi barbaad ho gayi. Vo 26 september ka hi din tha jish din dipti mujhe apni itni lambi kahaani shuna rahi thi.
ush din dipti ke jaane ke baad mai ander hi ander gahre vicharo mein kho gayi. Mujhe bhi ab ye baat pareshaan kar rahi thi ki aakhir baat kya hai.
achaanak mujhe yaad aaya ki billu ne kayi baar mujh se kaha tha ki tumhe vakt aane par sab kuch pata chal jaayega. Aakhir kya pata challega mujhe, mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ??
mujhe bas itna hi pata chala tha ki sanjay aur vivek billu ko jaante the, kyo jaante the, unki kya jaan pehchaan thi, ishke baare mein mai kisi bhi nateeze par nahi pahunch paa rahi thi.
vahi vo pal tha jishmein ki maine apni choti si bhool ko ek diary mein likhne ka fainsala kiya, taaki ushe padh kar baad mein kisi nateeze par pahuncha ja sake.
Par agle hi din yaani ke 27 september ko ghar par divorce ke paper aa gaye aur mai tut kar bikhar gayi aur kuch bhi nahi leekh paayi. Din raat apne kamre mein pade pade mai aanshu bahaati rahi. ishke alaawa kar bhi kya sakti thi. jo paap maine kiya tha ushi ki saja to mujhe mil rahi thi.
mujhe andesha to tha ki sanjay shaayad aisa hi karenge aur mai khud ko mentally prepare bhi kar rahi thi, par phir bhi jab vaakayi mein aisa ho gaya to aanshuvon ko rokna mushkil ho gaya. Khud se jyada mein chintoo ke liye pareshaan thi, mere kaaran vo apne papa ke pyaar se juda hone ja raha tha.
Aaj 6 january 2009 hai aur mai peechle chaar dino se ye diary leekh rahi hun. jab peechle hafte 29 december 2008 ko sanjay se divorce ho gaya to kuch samajh nahi aaya ki kya karun. Baar baar apni kishmat ko ro rahi hun.
2 january ko mai yu hi pareshaan baithi thi ki achaanak mujhe apni table par ek diary deekhaayi di aur maine ek pen uthaaya aur apni dard bhari daastaan leekhni shuru kar di.
Aaj 6 january 2009 hai aur mai mumbai mein hun. chintoo apne naana naani ke saath delhi mein hai. abhi 15 din hi huve hai mujhe yaha aaye, ishliye yaha bilkul man nahi lag raha. Yaha settle ho kar chintoo ko thode dino baad ley aaungi
Dipti ne mujhe bataaya tha ki unki company ki sister concern zedco pvt ltd mein assisstant manager ki post khaali hai, tum chaaho to join kar lo. Par tumhe mumbai jaana padega.
Maine bahut sochne ke baad join karne ka faisala kar liya aur ish tarah mai mumbai aa gai. Ab mujhe chintoo ke liye to jeena hi tha ishliye maine join karna theek samjha. Company ne mere rahne ke liye colaba mein ek flat de diya hai par itne bade ghar mein mujhe bahut akela mahsush ho raha hai.
Abhi abhi office se aayi hun aur pehli baar itna kaam karke thak gayi hun. thoda fresh hone ke baad aage ki kahaani leekhungi..

[hirarandi]

ush din yaani ke 26 september 2008 ko jaate jaate dipti ne pucha, yaar ek baat puchni thi, bura to nahi maanogi ?
maine kaha, “pucho na, mai bura kyo maanungi”
“Ek baat bataao, billu mein aisa kya tha jo ki tum ushke chakkar mein pad gayi, kya tum bhi un ladies ki tarah ho jeenke liye ling ka size important hai, na ki pati ka pyar ??
“kaisi baat kar rahi ho dipti, chii, tum aisa soch bhi kaise sakti ho” ———- maine thoda gusse mein kaha.
“Tabhi puch rahi thi ki tum bura to nahi maanogi, sorry if I hurt you” —- dipti ne sorry feel karte huve kaha.
“Dipti….., billu dekhne mein bahut bhola bhala aur sharif sa lagta tha aur kaafi smart bhi tha, haan ushki baatein jaroor bahut gandi hoti thi, aur sach bataaun to mujhe khud abhi tak nahi pata ki mujhe kya ho gaya tha ki mai ushke saath paap ke daldal mein dubati chali gayi, aur shaayad mai ye kabhi jaan bhi na paaun”
“hmm… acha theek hai, sorry to hurt you, mai ab chalti hun, office ka kuch kaam bhi karna hai. tum ab kisi baat ki chinta mat karo. Bure se bura vakt bhi beet jaata hai. dekhna khusiyaan phir se aayengi. Bhagvaan ne din aur raat yu hi nahi banaaye hai. na hamesha din hota hai aur na hamesha raat rahti hai” —- dipti mere sar par haath rakh kar boli.
maine kaha, “par duniya mein aisi bhi kayi jagah hai, jahaan ki kayi mahino tak suraj nahi dikhta”
“hogi aisi jagah, par tum vaha nahi ho samjhi, come on, and hang on, you will see that, sooner or later things are getting better” —– dipti ne meri peeth thap-thapaate huve kaha.
“… theek hai, dekhte hai, thanks for being such a nice friend” ——— maine dipti ka haath pakad kar kaha.
“Mai kal manish se mil kar ushko ish kaam par laga dungi, aur jaise hi kuch pata chalega tumhe phone karungi” ——- dipti ne kaha.
Maine pucha, “kya tum manish ko sab kuch bata dogi”
“Tum chinta mat karo, manish is a nice man, par mai ushe jitna jaroori hai utna hi bataaungi, baaki vo detective hai, tum to jaanti hi ho” — dipti ne kaha
maine kaha, “theek hai, jaisa tum theek samjho, par meri baat dhyaan rakhna, mera naam nahi aana chaahiye”
“ok ritu, mai dhyaan rakhungi, tumhe phone karke sab kuch bataati rahungi, don’t worry about anything” – dipti ne jaate huve kaha.
Maine kaha, “ok bye-bye, mujhe bahut acha laga ki tum aayi, par tumhaari tragedy shun kar thoda dukh bhi huva, phone karti rahna”
Dipti chali gayi aur jaisa ki maine pehle kaha, ushke jaane ke baad mai gahre vicharo mein kho gayi
Faridabad mein to sanjay ne landline lagvaaya huva tha, ishliye kabhi mobile lene ki jaroorat hi nahi padi. Par vaha delhi mein papa ne mujhe apna mobile de diya tha aur khud dushra kharid liya tha. vahi number maine dipti ko de diya tha.
Agle din jab sanjay ne divorce paper bheje to maine unhe apne mobile se hi phone kiya tha, par unhone ek baar bhi mera phone nahi uthaaya.
Kuch din yu hi beet gaye. Mai aksar apne kamre mein hi padi rahti thi. ek baar chintoo khelta khelta mere paas aaya aur bola, “hum apne ghar kab jaayenge”
Ye aisa sawaal tha jishka ki mere paas koyi jawaab nahi tha.
maine ushe kaha, “tum khelo beta, abhi hum kuch din yahi rahenge”
Aur vo vaha se khelta huva bhaag gaya. Vo to vaise bhi vaha khus hi tha, ushe vaha college jo nahi jaana pad raha tha.
Par kyonki sanjay ne devorce case kar diya tha ishliye maine ushe vahi, delhi mein hi ek college mein admit karva diya. mai nahi chaahti thi ki ushki collegeing mein break aaye.
10 october ko dipti ka phone aaya, ushne jo bataaya vo mujhe aur jyada sochne par majboor kar gaya.
“Ritu tumne kaha tha na ki billu riksha bhi chalaata hai” —- dipti ne pucha
“haan kaha tha, kyo kya huva” —- maine hairaani mein pucha
“ manish ne faridabad mein tumhaare ghar ke aash paas rikse vaalo se baat ki thi, unke anushaar vaha koyi billu naam ka riksa chalaane waala nahi hai”
maine hairaani mein pucha, “ kya !! aisa kaise ho sakta hai ? electric shop aur ushke ghar par pata kiya”
“vo ghar ushka nahi tha, vo vaha march 2008 se rent par rah raha tha. padoshiyon ko ushke baarein mein kuch nahi pata. Logo ke anushaar vo gum shum, chupchaap rahne waala ladka tha, jyada logo se baat nahi karta tha, ishliye kisi ko ushke baare mein nahi pata. Haan logo ne ye jaroor bataaya ki billu ek baar rikse mein kisi khubshurat ladki ko laya tha. shaayad vo ushi din ki baat hogi jab vo tumhe apne ghar ley gaya tha. ushke makaan maalik ne bataaya ki billu ne makaan ye kah kar liya tha ki koyi 5 ya 6 mahino ke liye chaahiye, ushke baad vo vaapas delhi chala jaayega.Ab delhi mein vo kaha rahta tha, kya karta tha abhi kuch nahi pata.” — dipti ne kaha.

[hirarandi]

Mai ye sab shun kar chonk gayi thi
Maine dipti se pucha, “aur kuch pata chala ya phir bas itna hi pata chala hai”
“Haan, haan puri baat to shuno” — dipti jor se boli.
“ushke kamre mein manish ko ek diary mili hai. diary mein ek papar par sanjay ka naam pata sab kuch likha hai. aur to aur ush mein vivek ka bhi naam pata likha hai. hairaani ki baat ye hai ki puri diary mein bas un dono ka hi naam, pata hai” —– dipti ne kaha..
“acha aur koyi baat bhi hai kya diary mein” ? — maine utshukta mein pucha
“ush mein sanjay ke clinic aur ghar ka pura address likha huva hai, pata nahi ishka kya matlab hai. khair ye to hum jaante hi the ki sanjay billu ko jaanta hai, ye baat ab confirm bhi ho gayi. Par sabse badi baat shuno” — dipti ne kaha.
Maine kaha, “haan shunaao”
Dipti ne detail mein kaha “Diary mein tumhaare baare mein, sanjay ke baare mein aur chintoo ke baare mein kuch detail likhi thi. likha hai ki sanjay subah kish vakt clinic jaata hai, kish vakt lunch karne aata hai, aur kish vakt tak shaam ko ghar vaapas aata hai. chintoo ke baare mein leekha hai ki kish vakt college jata hai, aur kish vakt dopahar ko vaapas aata hai. chintoo ke college ka address bhi likha hai.Tumhaare baare mein kaafi detail leekhi thi. jaise ki tum kish vakt dopahar ko kitchen ki khidki se jhaankti ho, kaun se beauty parlour jaati ho, kab aksar sanjay ke saath shaam ko ghumne jaati ho….. ityaadi, matlab ki ushne tumhaare ghar ka daily routine chart bana rakha hai”
Maine hairaani mein pucha, “ yaar ye sab ushne kaha se pata kiya hoga”
Dipti boli, “Aage to shuno”
Maine kaha, “haan, haan shunaao”
“Diary mein laal aksharo mein ek baat likhi thi, jishka ki matlab abhi clear nahi ho raha. manish ke anushaar vo inshaani khun se leekhi thi” dipti ne kaha
“kya likha tha bataao to sahi” —- maine jor se pucha
dipti ne kaha, likha tha ki “doctor ki to yahi saja hai par vakil ko har haal mein marna hoga”
“ishka kya matlab hai dipti, kuch samajh nahi aaya” —- maine hairaani mein dipti se pucha.
“Vahi to mai kah rahi thi, abhi kuch nahi pata, lekin manish puri koshis kar raha hai, vo ish raaj ki gahraayi tak jaa kar rahega. Par tum ye dekho mai kah rahi thi na ki kahi na kahi kuch bhari gadbad jaroor hai” —- dipti boli.
“haan yaar par mujhe ab bahut dar lag raha hai, aisa lag raha hai jaise ki mai kishi criminal ke saath involve thi” —- maine dipti se kaha.
“Agar vo criminal tha to, vo mar chuka hai, phir ab darne ki kya baat hai” —- dipti ne mujhe dilaasa dete huve kaha.
Maine pucha “aur vo electric shop vaha kuch pata chala”
Vahi bata rahi hun, “vaha bhi vo naya naya hi laga tha. shop owner ko ushke baare mein kuch nahi pata. Owner ne bataaya ki unhone newspaper mein ek electrician ke liye advertisement nikaali thi, billu sabse pehle aa gaya aur unhone ushe rakh liya. unhe to ushke ghar tak ka nahi pata. Owner ne bhi yahi bataaya ki vo bahut kam bolta tha aur aksar chupchaap rahta tha. par vo ushke kaam se khus nahi the, kyonki unke anushaar vo aksar shop se gaayab rahta tha.”
Ye sab shun kar mai hairaan rah gayi. Ye jaroor tha ki in baato se kisi nateeze par nahi pahuncha ja sakta tha. haan par ye baat jaroor ajeeb lag rahi thi ki vo naya naya hi faridabad mein aaya tha. kya vo delhi se hi tha. kya vo delhi se hi mujhe jaanta tha, ye kuch aise sawaal the jo mujhe baar baar pareshaan kar rahe the.
Mai hairaan thi ki logo ke anushaar vo gum shum chupchaap rahta tha, par mere saath to bahut hi be-huda bakwaas karta tha, aakhir kyo ? mere liye billu ek rahashya banta ja raha tha.
Mujhe ab billu koyi bahut hi khatarnaak mujrim malum ho raha tha. maine man hi man mein socha ki acha huva ki vo maara gaya, aisey kamino ki ish duniya mein koyi jagah nahi hai.
Dipti ne kaha, “ritu, bas itna hi pata chala hai abhi tak. manish bahut mehnat kar raha hai, kah raha tha ki jaldi hi vo ish raaj ki gahraayi tak pahunch jaayega”
“Ab to mujhe bhi lag raha hai ki acha kiya tumne manish ko ye kaam de kar. Sach mein ab to saaf ho gaya hai ki daal mein kuch kaala jaroor hai” — maine gambhirta se kaha
“kuch kaala nahi, mujhe to puri daal hi kaali lag rahi hai. khair tum chinta mat karo, mera james bond sab kuch pata karke jaldi hi bata dega” — dipti ne kaha
maine hanste huve pucha, “ mera matlab, lagta hai tumhe ush se pyar ho gaya hai, hai na”
“hmm… pata nahi yaar but I like him very much” — dipti sochte huve boli.
maine kaha, “ ok, acha ye bataao tumhe kya lagta hai ki kya baat ho sakti hai.”
“pehle tum ye batao ki kya vo vivek vakil hai” ? — dipti ne pucha.
“ haan hai to sahi, par kyo” —– maine hairaani mein pucha.
Arey paagal yaad kar vo khun mein leekhi baat, “doctor ki to yahi saja hai par vakil ko har haal mein marna hoga” —- dipti jor se boli.
“Oh no, kya tum bhi vahi soch rahi ho jo mai soch rahi hun” — maine dipti se pucha.
“Tumhaara to pata nahi par mujhe lagta hai ki doctor ka matlab hai sanjay aur vakil ka matlab hai vivek. Mujhe jald se jald ye baat manish ko bataani hogi ki vivek, vakil hai, ushka kaam ashaan ho jaayega” — dipti ne kaha
“maine kaha, haan mein bhi yahi soch rahi hun par yaar tum itne yakin se kaise kah sakti ho ki ush leekhavat ka matlab sanjay aur vivek se hi hai” — maine dipti se pucha.
“Puri diary mein bas sanjay aur vivek ki hi detail hai aur kya chaahiye yakin karne ke liye. acha mai phone rakhti hun, manish ko ye baat bataani jaroori hai ki vivek vakil hai, baad mein baat karenge” —- dipti ne bye karte huve kaha.
Dipti jaate jaate mujhe bahut saare sawaal de gayi. Mai saara din yahi sab sochti rahi
16 october ko dipti ka phone aaya
vo boli, “ ritu, manish ish raaj ki gahraayi tak pahunchne waala hai. ushne mujhe kaha hai ki kal tak saari baat pata chal jaayegi. Bas ek din ki baat hai aur sachaayi hamaare saamne hogi.
maine kaha, “ theek hai, mai kal ka beshabri se intezaar karungi, mai baar baar sab kuch soch kar pareshaan ho rahi hun. jab tak mujhe puri baat pata nahi chalti tab tak mujhe chain nahi aayega.
dipti boli, “theek hai phir, kal ka intezaar karo”
dipti ne phone rakh diya aur mai be-sabri se kal ka intezaar karne lagi.
agle din yaani 17 october 2008 ko, shaam ko dipti ka phone aaya
maine jhat se phone utha liya.
“yaar ek bahut buri khabar hai” — dipti mayusi se boli
maine pucha, “ kya hai bataao to sahi”
“manish hospital mein hai, ush par jaanleva hamla huva hai, badi mushkil se jaan bachi hai, mai ush se milne faridabad ja rahi hun, mujhe dar lag raha hai” —
dipti rotey huve boli.
“Kya…. Ye kaise ho gaya. Kishne karvaaya ye hamla. Tum chinta mat karo mein bhi tumhaare saath chalti hun” — maine dipti se kaha.
“Pata nahi yaar, abhi manish ko hosh nahi aaya hai, ushke assisstant ka phone aaya tha ki vo hospital mein hai. manish hi hosh mein aakar bata sakta hai ki ye kishka kaam hai.” – dipti ne kaha
maine kaha, “hmm…. Chalo tum chinta mat karo sab theek ho jaayega, aisa karo yahi mere paas aa jao, yahi se saath saath chalenge”
“theek hai mai abhi tumhaare ghar aa jaati hun, vahi se faridabad ke liye nikal lenge” —- dipti ne kaha
Vo aisa pal tha, jab mai bhi bahut ghabra gayi thi. mai soch rahi thi ki dipti ko kah dun ki vo manish ko bol de ki band karde ye kaam. Mai nahi chaahti thi ki manish ko kuch ho. Mujhe ab dipti aur manish ki chinta ho rahi thi.
Dipti apni car ley kar 8 baje mere ghar aa gayi.
Maine pucha, kya tumhe faridabad ka rasta pata hai, nahi to koyi private taxi kar lete hai.
Dipti ne kaha, “haan, haan pata hai, mai kayi baar office ke kaam se vaha khud drive karke ja chuki hun, tumhe to pata hi hai, rasta lamba nahi hai, koyi 2 ghante mein vaha pahunch jaayenge”.

[hirarandi]

Maine kaha, “theek hai chalo phir”
Papa ghar par nahi the, maine jaate jaate mammy ko bata diya ki mai dipti ke saath jaroori kaam se jaa rahi hun.
Man mein faridabad jaate huve apne ghar ki yaad aa rahi thi, soch rahi thi ki kaash kisi tarah se sanjay kahin mil jaaye. Par aisa nahi huva.
Hum koyi 10:30 pm par faridabad pahunch gaye.
Manish ek privete hospital mein tha, jo ki sanjay ke clinic se kaafi dur tha.
jaise hi hum hospital pahunche, baahar hamein manish ka assisstant rahmaan mil gaya.
Dipti ne rahmaan se pucha, “kaisa hai manish ab”
Vo bola, abhi abhi hosh aaya hai, right leg mein frecture aaya hai, rod daalni padi hai, doctor ne kaha hai ki vo 2 ya 3 mahine chal nahi sakenge.
“oh my god, itna jyada serious hamlaa tha kya” — dipti ne rahmaan se pucha.
“Haan madam, mai bhi ush vakt unke saath hi tha, hum aaj subah prinstin mall ki aur ja rahe the. Mai footpath par baithe ek cigrate vaale se cigrate lene laga ki achaanak ek car ne manish sir ko takkar maar di” — rahmaan ne kaha
“ par tum to kah rahe the ki hamlaa huva hai, ye to accident lag raha hai” —- dipti ne rahmaan se pucha.
“Ek takkar maarne ke baad vo car phir se, mud kar manish sir ki aur aa rahi thi, jaise ki ek aur takkar maarni ho, par maine jaldi se manish sir ko vaha se hata liya” —- rahmaan ne kaha
“tumne kisi ka chehra dekha ki kaun tha car mein” —- dipti ne pucha
“ nahi madam car mein black screen lagi huyi thi, ander kaun tha, kuch nahi deekh raha tha” —- rahmaan ne bataaya.
“hmm…. Chalo theek hai, hum manish ke paas chalte hai, kaun se kamre mein hai vo” dipti ne rahmaan se pucha.
“Ji, room no 7…… aap chaliye mai jara apna phone recharge karaane jaa raha hun” — rahmaan ne dipti se kaha.
Jaise hi hum room no 7 mein ghusse hamne dekha ki manish, kinhi gahre vichaaro mein khoya huva hai, aur bistar par pade huve room ki chhat ko ghoor raha hai.
Hamein dekhte hi vo uthne ki koshis karne laga, ushke chehre par dard ke bhaav saaf deekh rahe the.
“Arey lete raho utho mat, dekho tumse milne kaun aaya hai” —– dipti ne manish se kaha.
Manish ne mujhe ek najar utha kar dekha aur wish karke apni najre jhuka li.
Bahut kam aadmi ek aurat ko aisi respect de paate hai. jyada tar log to kisi bhi ladki ko upar se neeche tak havash bhari nazro se dekhte hai.
Mujhe tab ahsaas huva ki, really manish is a nice man
“Sorry ritu ji aapka kaam pura nahi ho paaya par mujh par bharosa rakhiye, mai theek hote hi aapko puri sachaayi bata dunga” — manish sorry feel karte huve bola.
“mujhe koyi jaldi nahi hai, aap apna khyaal rakhiye, mere saath to jo hona tha, so ho chuka” —– maine manish se kaha.
“Par kya tumhe kuch pata chala ki ye hamlaa kishne karvaaya hai” —- dipti ne manish se pucha
“dekho abhi bahut kuch uljha huva hai, kuch nahi kah sakte ki kaun aisa karva sakta hai, haan itna jaroor hai ki koyi hai jo nahi chaahta ki hum kuch jaan paayein” — manish ne kaha.
“Kaun ho sakta hai vo” — dipti ne pucha
“koyi bhi ho sakta hai, billu ka koyi saathi ho sakta hai, ya phir……” —- manish ne kaha.
“Ya phir matlab” – dipti ne manish se pucha.
‘Matlab ki koyi bhi ho sakta hai, abhi kuch clear nahi hai” —- manish ne kaha.
Mai chupchaap sab kuch shun rahi thi.
“Acha tum to kah rahe the ki kal tak sab kuch pata chal jaayega, kya tum ish raaj ke bahut karib pahunch gaye the” —- dipti ne manish se pucha
“mujhe parso ek phone aaya tha, kisi veena joseph ka, unhone mujhe aaj subah 10 baje pristine mall ke baahar milne ko kaha tha, mai rahmaan ke saath vahin ja raha tha ki ye sab ho gaya.” — manish ne dipti ki aur dekhte huve kaha.
“ab ye veena joseph kaun hai, ushka ish sab se kya lena dena hai” —- dipti ne manish se pucha.
Veena ka naam shun kar mai chonk gayi thi, ushe mai jaanti thi. vo sanjay ke clinic mein nurse thi. ushki umar koyi 40 ya 42 saal ki hogi.
“Vahi to pata karne mai ja raha tha, mujhe billu ke ghar ke paas rahne waale ek padoshi ne bataaya tha ki ek-dau baar ushne veena joseph ko billu ke ghar aate jaate dekha tha. mai veena joseph ke ghar ka pata laga kar, ushke ghar pahunch gaya , par vo ush vakt ghar par nahi mili. mai ek chit veena joseph ke ghar chhod aaya tha ki jab vo free ho to mujhe phone karein, mujhe billu ke baare mein kuch baat karni hai. maine apna phone no chit par leekh diya tha” — manish ne kaha
“mai kuch kahun” ? maine manish aur dipti kau rokte huve kaha
dipti boli, “haan haan kaho kya baat hai”
“ek veena joseph ko mai jaanti hun, vo kerala se thi, umar koyi 40 ya 42 saal, aur abhi ek saal pehle tak vo sanjay ke clinic mein nurse thi” —– maine un dauno se kaha
“Acha ye baat pehle kyo nahi bataayi” —- dipti ne mujh se pucha.
“Arey bhai, mujhe kya pata tha ki ushka ish maamle se koyi lena dena hai” —- maine dipti ki aur dekhte huve kaha.
“Aap theek kah rahi hai” —- manish meri aur dekhte huve bola.
“acha ab kya hoga” — dipti ne pucha.
“Mujhe yakin tha ki veena joseph se mil kar saare raaj khul jaayenge, par…..” — manish ne gahri saans ley kar kaha.
“Par kya, ush se hum mil lete hai ya phir rahmaan mil lega, ish mein pareshaani waali kya baat hai” — dipti ne manish se kaha.
Manish ne apni jeb se ek kaagaz nikaala aur dipti kau dete huve bola, “abhi kisi ne, ek nurse ke haato, ye mere kamre mein bheezwaya tha, padho tum khud samajh jaaogi”
Vo kaagaz padh kar dipti ke chehre ka rang ud gaya
Maine ushke haath se vo kaagaz ley kar padha, to mere pairo ke neeche se bhi jamin nikal gayi
Ush mein leekha tha
“ abey detective, bahut hoshiyaar samajhta hai kya khud ko, chupchaap ye bekaar ki inquary band kar aur yaha se rafa dafa ho jaa. Jish se tum aaj milne jaa rahe the, vo veena joseph bhi maari ja chuki hai. tumhaari kishmat achi hai ki tum aaj bach gaye, par agar yaha se nahi gaye to agli baar nahi bachoge”
maine rotey huve kaha. “Please band karo ab ye sab, ish sab se milne waala bhi kya hai”
“lagta hai tum theek kah rahi ho ritu, manish ish kaam ko foran band karo, aur jaldi yaha se chalo, yaha mujhe ab dar lag raha hai” dipti ne kaha.
Ushke kahne ke andaaz se saaf lag raha tha ki vo kaafi dari huyi hai.
manish bola, “maine aaj tak aisa case nahi dekha. Aaj tak kisi ki himmat nahi huyi ki koyi mujhe yu hospital mein pahuncha de. Par mai apna koyi kaam adhura nahi chhodata. Ab vaise bhi ye mera personal kaam ho gaya hai. jisne bhi mere saath aisa kiya hai, ushe mai nahi chhodunga”
Dipti boli, “apni haalat dekho manish, tum abhi 2 ya 3 mahine tak chal nahi paaoge, baad mein sochenge ki kya karna hai ish baare mein, philhaal yaha se nikalte hai”.
hum manish ko convince karke jaise taise vaha se delhi ley aaye.

[hirarandi]

abhi tak kahaani vahi ki vahi latki huyi hai. manish ke ghaav bhar gayein hai par vo abhi bhi theek se chalne ki haalat mein nahi nahi.
ye sab baate thi jinke kaaran maine ye diary leekhne ka fainsala kiya. Sanjay se devorce ke baad, frustration mein maine apni ab tak ki kahaani leekh di hai. dekhte hai ki aage kya hota hai.
vaise mai ab sab kuch bhula kar, nayi shuruvaat karna chaahti hun.
aaj mai sapno ke sehar mumbai mein hun, nayi shuruvaat karne ki ish se achi jagah aur kya ho sakti hai.
………………………………
Date : 8-01-09
aaj mujhe office mein koyi aisa mila jishki ki mujhe bilkul ummid nahi thi. sidharth ko vaha dekh kar mai chonk gayi thi
“arey ritu, tum yaha, kaise” — sidharth ne pucha
“mai yaha assisstant manager hun” — maine jawaab diya.
“acha phir to tum meri client huyi” — ushne hanste huve kaha.
“Vo kaise sidharth” — maine hairaani mein pucha.
“Vo aise ki mai tumhaari company ka CA hun, saare financial matters mai hi to sambhaalta hun, khaaskar tax se related” — sidharth ne mujhe samjhaate huve kaha.
Mere liye sanjay se pehle sidharth ka hi rista aaya tha, mujhe vo bahut pasand aaya tha aur maine papa ko ushke liye haan kah di thi. sidharth ne sabhi ke saamne kaha tha ki “mujhe ritu bahut pasand hai, mai ritu ko apni patni bana kar khud ko khusnasib samjhunga”
Hum ne nazro hi nazro mein ek dushre ke liye bahut saare khawaab bun liye the.
Par kishmat ko ye rista manzoor nahi tha.
Sidharth ke papa ne hum dono ki kundali par bawaal khada kar diya.
Unhe kishi jyotishi ne bata diya tha ki ish ladki ke aapke ghar mein aate hi, aap ke ghar mein tabaahi aa jaayegi.
Ishliye rista bante bante bigad gaya.
Ushke baad sidharth ka kayi baar ghar par phone aaya aur vo baar baar mujh se maafi maangta raha.
Vo apne papa ke kaaran bahut sharminda mahsush kar raha tha.
Ek baar ushne mujhe phone kiya aur bola, ritu ek kaam karte hai”
Maine pucha, “kya”
“Mai tum se abhi shaadi karne ko taiyaar hun, bhaad mein jaaye ye kundali ka chakkar. mujhe in baato par bilkul vishvaas nahi hai, chalo kisi mandir mein jaa kar shaadi kar lete hai” —- sidharth ne bade pyar se kaha
ek pal ko mujhe bhi laga ki mujhe ushke saath chal dena chaahiye
par mai apne papa ke khilaaf nahi ja sakti thi.
maine papa ko bata diya tha ki sidharth shaadi karne ke liye taiyaar hai, hamein kya karna chaahiye
papa ne mujhe samjhaaya “tumhaare liye hazaar riste hai beta, tum ushe bhul jao, baat sirf tumhaari aur sidharth ki nahi hai, shaadi mein dau parivaar ek dushre se judte hai. ish tarah jabardasti shaadi karke kuch haansil nahi hoga. Sidharth ke papa tumhe kabhi swikaar nahi karenge”
Maine sidharth ko badi mushkil se mana kiya tha.
“sidharth mere papa nahi maan rahe hai aur mai unki marji ke bina kuch nahi kar sakti” —- maine mayusi mein sidharth se kaha tha
“theek hai ritu, mai tumhe majboor nahi karunga, par tum hamesha mere dil ke karib rahogi” —- sidharth ne emotinal ho kar kaha tha
maine rotey huve phone kaat diya. ush vakt yahi karna theek lag raha tha
ek dam se sidharth ko aaj saamne dekh kar mujhe samajh nahi aaya ki mai kaise react karun, par itna jaroor huva ki ushki yaade meri aankho mein ghum gayi.
maine sidharth se jyada baat nahi ki aur chupchaap apne cabin mein aa gayi. Mai nahi chaahti thi ki vo mujh se meri jeendagi ke baare mein koyi sawaal kare aur mai kisi uljhan mein fans jaaun.
Par thodi der baad sidharth mere cabin mein jhank kar bola, “may I come in ritu madam”
Mai kya karti, ushe ander aane ko kahna hi pada. Vaise bhi vo hamaari company ka CA tha ishliye ush se mujhe milna julna to tha hi.
“Haan to aur bataao kaisi chal rahi hai tumhaari shaadi shuda jeendagi” — sidharth ne pucha.
“Mera divorce ho gaya hai, sidharth” —- maine nazre jhuka kar kaha
“kya, kish bevkoof ne tumhe divorce de diya, tumne diya hai ya phir tumhaare pati ne diya hai” —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Ush se kya farak padta hai, sidharth, sachaayi ye hai ki mera divorce ho chuka hai, bas” maine sidharth ki aur dekhte huve kaha.
“ohh, sorry to hear that” —- sidharth ne chehre par sorry ke bhaav laa kar kaha.
Mai sidharth ke saath ush vakt uncomfortable mahsush kar rahi thi, kyonki mujhe dar tha ki kahi vo divorce ka kaaran na puch ley, kyoni sach bolna mere liye mushkil tha aur jhut mai bol nahi paaungi.
Par achaanak sidharth ka mobile baj utha aur ushne mujhe kaha, “oh mujhe jaana hoga, ek dushre client ka phone aa raha hai.
Ushne jaate jaate kaha, “ritu mai tumhe aaj tak bhula nahi paaya, pata nahi tumhe aaj mujh se mil kar kaisa laga, par mai to bahut bhaavuk ho raha hun”
Maine sidharth ki aankho mein dekha unmein aaj bhi mere liye vahi pyaar nazar aa raha tha.
Maine dheere se pucha, “tumhaari shaadi kaha huyi hai sidharth”
“Kahin nahi, maine ab tak shaadi nahi ki, koyi tumhaare jaisi mili hi nahi” — sidharth ne meri aur dekhte huve kaha
Ye kah kar vo muh pher kar chala gaya, shaayad ushki aankho mein aanshu the.
Mujhe ab ye lag raha hai ki mai kaise roj-roj sidharth ka saamna kar paaungi. Kabhi na kabhi to vo mere divorce ke baare mein puchega hi.
……………………..
date : 15-01-09
aaj jab mai office mein thi to dipti ka phone aaya
ushne mujhe bataaya ki manish kal achaanak faridabad chala gaya.
Maine ush se pucha, “tumne ushe kyo jaane diya, abhi to vo theek se chal bhi nahi pata”
Vo boli, “chalne to vo laga hai, par taango mein abhi bhi kaafi weakness hai, vo bina bataaye vaha chala gaya hai, vaha pahunch kar hi ushne phone kiya tha. mujhe to dar lag raha hai”
“ Dar to mujhe bhi lag raha hai, mai to yahi chaahti thi ki ish investigation ko yahi khatam kiya jaaye” —- maine dipti se kaha
“chaahti to mai bhi yahi hun, par manish ab ishe personally ley raha hai, vo ish case ko solve kiye bina nahi maanega” — dipti ne kaha.
Maine ushe dilaasa diya ki honsala rakho, sab kuch theek hoga.
Mujhe himmat dene waali ladki aaj khud himmat haarti nazar aa rahi thi. ye sab manish ke kaaran hai. vo ushe bahut pyar karne lagi hai.
Jaise hi maine dipti se baat karke phone rakha to sidharth mere cabin mein aa gaya.
Ushne pucha, “aaj shaam ko kya tum free ho”
Maine pucha, “kyo, kya baat hai”
“Kuch nahi soch raha tha aaj tumhe mumbai darshan karva dun, tum pehli baar aayi ho na yaha” —- sidharth ne hanste huve kaha.
Maine kaha, “aaj mera ghumne ka man nahi hai sidharth, phir kabhi dekhenge”
“Kya tum mere liye itna bhi nahi kar sakti, bas tumhaare man ki hi to baat hai, mujhe khusi hogi agar tum mere saath chalo” —- sidharth ne kaha
maine ushe bahut samjhaya par vo nahi maana aur shaam ko office ke baad vo mujhe gate way of India ley gaya.
Vaise gate way of india mere flat ke karib hi tha par jab se mein mumbai aayi thi tab se vaha jaane ka moka hi nahi laga tha.
Sidharth mere liye ice-cream ley aaya aur hum hotel taj ke saamne ghumte huve ice-cream khaane lage. Lag hi nahi raha tha ki taj hotel par kabhi terrorist attack huva tha. sabhi log vaha shaanti se ghum rahe the.
Vo ice-cream khaate khaate mujhe hi dekhe jaa raha tha.
Achaanak ushne kuch aisa pucha ki mai ice-cream khaana bhul gayi.
“ritu, mujh se shaadi karogi” —– ushne mujhe rok kar pucha
mere haath se ice-cream chut kar sadak par gir gayi.
Maine ushki aur dekha, ushki aankhe nam ho rahi thi
“Mai tumhe aaj bhi utna hi chaahta hun, mujhe nahi pata ki tumhaare pati ne tumhe divorce kyo diya aur na hi mai jaan-na chaahta hun, mai bas itna jaanta hun ki mai tumhe pyar karta hun, agar tum ush vakt maan jaati to tum aaj meri hi patni hoti” —– sidharth ne apne rumaal se mere honto par se ice-cream puchte huve kaha.
“Sidharth mai aisa nahi kar sakti, tumhe kaise bataaun….” —- maine ushe samjhaate huve kaha
“kyon nahi kar sakti ritu, tum aaj akeli ho, mai bhi akela hun, mere papa bhi aaj ish duniya mein nahi hai, phir kya dikkat hai. hamaare beech ab koyi nahi hai. please come in my life” — sidharth ne bhaavuk ho kar kaha
“sidharth mai tumhe kaise bataaun, aaj mai vo ritu nahi hun, jish ritu ko tum jaante the, vo ritu kab ki mar chuki hai” —- maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha.
Ye kahte kahte meri aankho mein aanshu aa gaye the
“Ritu ye kya kah rahi ho, please rona band karo, kya mai jaan sakta hun ki baat kya hai” — sidharth ne pucha.
“Maine apne pati ko dhoka diya tha, sidharth, ishliye unhone mujhe divorce de diya hai” — maine nazre jhuka kar kaha.
“Ye kya kah rahi ho ritu, mujhe tumhaari baat par yakin nahi hai, tum phir se koyi bahaana bana rahi ho hai na, par tum chaahe kuch bhi kaho, mai tumse shaandi karne ke liye taiyaar hun” —- sidharth ne hairaani bhare shabdo mein kaha
maine kaha, “chaahe tum jo kaho par sach yahi hai, sidharth, chaaho to tum mere pati sanjay se phone karke puch sakte ho”
sidharth ne kaha, “mujhe kisi se phone karke nahi puchna samjhi, I love you and my love is beyond anything”
mujhe bahut rona aa raha tha, mai sidharth ko kuch bhi samjhaane ki haalat mein nahi thi. vo meri baat shun-ne ko taiyaar bhi nahi tha
maine ushe kaha, “sidharth mujhe ghar jaana hai, baad mein baat karenge theek hai, mai abhi bahut pareshaan hun”
mai taxi ley kar ghar aa gayi aur jab se aayi hun, tab se baar baar mujhe sidharth ka marriage proposal yaad aa raha hai.
ek shaadi to mai theek se neebha nahi paayi fir dushri shaadi ke baare mein kaise soch lun.
Aisa lag raha hai ki vaakayi mein meri kundali mein koyi daush hai, tabhi maine sanjay ki jeendagi barbaad kar di. Ab mai aisa sidharth ke saath nahi kar sakti. ushe kisi aur se shaadi kar leni chaahiye. ishi mein ushki bhalaayi hai.
………………………….

[hirarandi]

21 january meri jeendagi mein ab tak ka sabse bhayaanak din ban gaya hai. aur sab se chonkaane wala din bhi…kal jo mere saath huva vo mai sapne mein bhi nahi soch sakti thi…
kal ki ghatna ko leekhte huve mere haath kaanp rahe hai.
kal shaam ko koyi 6 baje mai office se nikal rahi thi ki achaanak mere saamne ek car aakar ruki.
“Arey ye to vivek hai, ye yaha kya kar raha hai” – maine man hi man mein socha.
Ushne car ka darvaaja khola aur bola, “bhabhi, aapse sanjay ke baare mein kuch baat karni thi, kya aap mere saath chalengi, kahi kisi restaurant mein baith kar baat karte hai”
Mujhe ushka vaha hona man hi man mein khatak raha tha, par na jaane kyo sanjay ka naam shun kar mai utshuk ho gayi thi.
Maine pucha, “kya baat hai, bataao”
Pehle aap baith to jao bhabhi, kahin baith kar araam se baat karenge.
Mera man pata nahi kyon baar baar mujhe kah raha tha ki kahin na kahin kuch gadbad hai, ishke saath mat jao, ye yaha mumbai mein kya kar raha hai, par sanjay ke baare mein jaan-ne ke liye mai jhejakte huve ushke saath baith gayi.
Jaise hi mai ander baithi vo car teji se yaha vaha se nikaalte huve ek shunshaan sadak par ley aaya.
Maine pucha, kitne restaurant nikal gaye vivek tum kaha ja rahe ho.
Maine ushki aur dekha to ushke chehre par bahut hi bhayaanak hansi thi.
Vivek ko ish roop mein maine kabhi nahi dekha tha. mujhe bahut dar lag raha tha ushe yu hanste dekh kar. vaise mai ushe itna jaanti bhi kaha thi. jab se sanjay se shaadi huyi thi tab se mushkil se koyi 5 ya 6 baar hi ush se meri mulaakat huyi thi. mera swabhaav vaise bhi jyada logo se milne julne ka nahi hai. ishliye jab kabhi vivek sanjay ke saath ghar aata bhi tha to mai aksar apne bedroom mein hi rahti thi.

Maine vivek se pucha, “vivek kya mai jaan sakti hun ki hum kaha jaa rahe hai” ?

Vivek ne meri aur dekha aur bola, “aap bataao bhabhi ki aapko kaha jaana hai, vahi chal padenge, aap ki baat hum kaise taal sakte hai”

“Kya matlab ? tum to kah rahe the ki sanjay ke baare mein baat karni hai, restaurant chalte hai, kaun se restaurant ley jaa rahe ho tum mujhe” — maine hairaani bhare shabdo mein pucha.

“Restaurant bhi chalenge bhabhi aap chinta mat karo, pehle aapse jaroori baat karni hai” —- vivek ne meri aur dekhte huve kaha.

Ye kah kar vivek ne car sadak ke ek taraf rok li. Rasta shunshaan tha, aur dur dur tak koyi bhi nahi deekh raha tha.

“Vivek ye kya kar rahe ho, yaha rukne ka kya matlab hai, aur saaf saaf kaho ki baat kya hai, mere paas jyada vakt nahi hai” —– maine vivek se thoda gusse mein kaha

“bhabhi mujhe aapse ek shikaayat hai, bura na maane to kahun” —– vivek ne kaha

“kya shikaayat hai, mai kuch samjhi nahi” — maine hairaani mein pucha.

Ushki baate mujhe bahut ajeeb lag rahi thi, vo mujhe majaakiya mud se ghur raha tha. ushke chehre par abhi bhi ajeeb si hansi thi.

“Bhabhi aapne mere saath bahut nainsaafi ki hai, aapko aisa nahi karna chaahiye tha” —- vo meri taraf dekh kar bola

“kya matlab vivek, aakhir tum kahna kya chaahte ho ? aur sanjay ke baare mein tumhe jo baat karni thi, vo baat karo mere paas faaltoo vakt nahi hai” —- maine ushki aur dekh kar kaha

“faaltoo vakt mere paas bhi nahi hai bhabhi, pata hai mai faridabad se yaha special aapke liye hi aaya hun, aur aap hai ki aisi baate kar rahi hai” —- vivek ne kaha

ab mujhe dar lagne laga tha, ushke iraade mujhe theek nahi lag rahe the. Ushki car mai baithne se pehle jo mujhe andesha ho raha tha vo sach hota nazar aa raha tha.

“ye kya ghuma fhira kar baat kar rahe ho vivek saaf saaf kyo nahi kahte ki baat kya hai, aur yaha se chalo ish shunshaan sadak par rukne ka kya matlab hai” —– maine jor se pucha

“chalo ab saaf saaf baat karta hun bhabhi, aap ye bataao ki sanjay mein kya kami thi ki aapne ushe itna bada dhoka diya, aapko aisa nahi karna chaahiye tha” —- vo gambhir ho kar bola.

“tumhaara ish sab se koyi lena dena nahi hai vivek, ye mere aur sanjay ke beech ki baat hai, tum kaun hote ho mujh se ye sab puchne waale, kya sanjay ne tumhe yaha bheja hai” — maine ushe gusse mein kaha

“lena dena kyo nahi hai bhabhi, mai sanjay ka khaas dost hun, ushke bhale bure ki mujhe chinta rahti hai. aap ye bataao ki kyon aapne sanjay ko dhoka diya, mujh se ushki haalat dekhi nahi jaati, pata hai vo din raat pareshaan rahta hai, aajkal clinic bhi theek se nahi chala paa raha.” —- vivek ne kaha

ye shun kar meri aankho mein aanshu bhar aaye aur maine pucha, “kya sanjay bahut jyada pareshaan hai”

“pareshaan kyon nahi hoga bhabhi, ushne aapko teen-teen logo ke saath ayaashi karte huve apni aankho se dekha tha, aap se aisi ummid nahi thi. aap bataao to sahi ki kya kami thi sanjay mein jo ki aap ish had tak gir gayi” —- vivek ne pucha.

Aisa lag raha tha ki vo aisi baate karke mujhe humiliate kar raha hai, kyonki aisi baate karte vakt ushke chehre par gambhirta ke bajaaye ek ghinoni si mushkaan thi.

Maine kaha, “vivek chalo yaha se, mujhe ghar jaana hai, mujhe kishi restaurant mein nahi jaana aur na hi tumhaare saath koyi baat karni hai, yaha se jaldi chalo”

“Bhabhi kya aisa hai ki aapka ek aadmi se man nahi bharta aur aapko apne chaaro aur bheed chaahiye, taaki aap havash ka nanga naach khel saken” —- vo apne chehre par vahi bekaar si hansi ley kar bola.

maine apne kaano par haath rakh liye aur jor se ushe kaha, “ vivek band karo ye bakwaas aur chup ho jao, tumhe sharam aani chaahiye mujh se aisi baate karte huve”

Vo mushkuraate huve bola, “bhabhi mai to sanjay ke liye puch raha tha, jaakar ushe bataaunga ki ushki barbaadi ka kaaran kya hai, aap detail mein bataao na ki kaise aap un logo ke saath gayi, kaise unke saath sab kuch kiya, bataao na bhabhi”

ab mujhe yakin ho gaya tha ki vo jaan bujh kar ye baate kar raha tha. bahut kamina najar aa raha tha ush vakt vo

“dekho sanjay se mera divorce ho chuka hai, ishliye na mai ab unki patni hun aur na tumhaari bhabhi, mai ye soch kar tumhaare saath aayi thi ki tum mujhe sanjay ke baare mein kuch bataaoge. Mai bas jaan-na chaahti thi ki vo kaise hai. tum bekaar ki baate kar rahe ho. Mai ab chalti hun” —– maine vivek se kaha

“arey nahi ruko bhabhi aap to bura maan gayi mai to bas yu hi baat kar raha tha, vaise aap ko meri baat shun-ni hi padegi, mai yu hi faridabad se mumbai nahi aaya hun” —- vo gambhir ho kar bola.

“kyo shun-ni padegi vivek, meri aisi koyi majboori nahi hai samjhe, aur ye bhabhi bhabhi kahna band karo” —- maine gusse mein kaha

Tabhi ushne na jaane kaha se ek pistol nikaal li aur pistol ko meri aur karke bola, “mera deemaag khraab ho rakha hai bhabhi, aap ya to meri baat shunogi ya phir ish pistol ki shaari ki shaari goliya aapke bheje mein daal dunga, aap hi bataao ki aapko kya chaahiye”

“Ye kya paagalpan hai vivek ishe dur hataao, mujhe dar lag raha hai” — maine vivek se gusse mein kaha

aaj tak maine pistol ko itne najdeek se nahi dekha tha. vo pistol ko meri aur karke mushkura raha tha.

“bhabhi agar aap chupchaap cooperate karengi to mai kuch nahi karunga, ye leeziye pistol ek taraf rakh di” — vivek pistol ko apne paanv ke paas neeche rakhte huve bola

maine kaha “vivek lagta hai tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho, tum abhi jao, baad mein araam se baat karenge”

“bhabhi baat to aapko abhi karni padegi, aap ye bataao ki agar sanjay aapko santust nahi kar pa raha tha to humein bol diya hota hum aa jaate aapki pyaas bhujaane” —- vo besharmi se bola.

“ye kya bakwaas hai vivek tameez se baat karo” — maine gusse mein cheella kar kaha

“aap shaayad bhul rahi hai ki, mere paas pistol hai, maine vo ek taraf rakh di hai to ishka matlab ye nahi hai ki aap mujh se cheella kar baat karengi, mera deemaag ghum gaya na to abhi ke abhi bheja uda dunga” —- vo bhayaanak awaaj mein bola.

meri aankho mein aanshu aa gaye, maine vivek se pucha, “tum ye sab kyo kar rahe ho vivek please mujhe jaane do”

“jaane dunga, jaroor jaane dunga, pehle aap ish baat ka jawaab do ki mai kya mar gaya tha jo aap ajnabi logo ke aage apna naada khol kar jhuk gayi, aapko pehle mujhe moka dena chaahiye tha, kasam se mai aapki shaari havash meeta deta” —- vo meri aur dekhte huve bola.

maine apni gardan dushri taraf ghuma li, meri aankho se lagaatar aanshu bah rahe the. Ushki baate aur jyada gandi hoti jaa rahi thi.

Ush vakt mai yahi soch rahi thi ki hey bhagvaan ye kaun se paapo ki saja mil rahi hai mujhe ki mujhe itna kuch shun-na pad raha hai. mai to mumbai ek nayi shuruvaat karne aayi thi par phir se mujhe mere past ne gher liya tha.

“Bhabhi boliye na aapne mujhe moka kyo nahi diya. sanjay kah raha tha ki, aap kisi ladke se apne ghar ke peeche ki jhaadiyon mein pata nahi kya kya karva rahi thi. aur to aur baaki ke koyi dau log apni baari ka intezaar kar rahe the, itni bhuk thi sex ki to mujhe bol diya hota mai aapki un logo se jyada ache se leta par aapne to mujhe koyi moka hi nahi diya. ab aap hi bataao, hai na ye galat baat. Jo aapke apne hai vo pyase rahein aur ajnabi log maja karein ye kaha ka insaaf hai” —- vivek ne mere kandhe par haath rakh kar kaha.
“Vivek please chup ho jao, mai mar jaaungi, mai khud pareshaan hun, mujhe aur pareshaan mat karo, mujhe mere kiye ki saja mil chuki hai, ye sab kahne ki bajaaye tum mujhe goli maar do to acha hai” — maine rote huve kaha.

“Goli kab maarni hai vo mai decide karunga bhabhi abhi aapko mere kuch sawaalo ka jawaab dena hai” — vo haath mein pistol utha kar bola.

“mere paas tumhaare in be-huda sawaalo ka koyi jawaab nahi hai. mai ja rahi hun, goli maarna chaahte ho to maar do, I am ready to die” —– maine ushki aur dekh kar gusse mein kaha

ye kah kar mai car ka darvaaja kholne ki koshis karne lagi, par vo nahi khula, shaayad ander se lock tha.

“bhabhi kaha jaa rahi ho, meri marji ke beena aap kahin nahi jaayengi, aaj aap meri mehmaan hai.bahut maje ley liye logo ne aapke saath, aaj meri baari hai. chaliye mai aapko apne hotel ley chalta hun. aapki havash bhi meet jaayegi aur meri saalo ki tamanna bhi puri ho jaayegi” —- vivek ne hanste huve kaha

mere purse mein mera mobile tha, mai ye soch rahi thi ki chupchaap kisi tarah security officer ko 100 no par phone kar deti hun, par ushka pura dhyaan mere upar hi tha. upar se ushne meri taraf pistol taan rakhi thi.

achaanak maine dekha ki ushka dhyaan dushri taraf hai, maine foran mobile nikaala aur 100 no par dial kiya.

par maine abhi dial kiya hi tha ki ushne mobile cheen kar kaat diya aur bola, “galat baat… bhabhi, aap mujhe bhi dhoka de rahi hai, lagta hai, dhoka dene mein expert ho gayi hai aap. Sanjay ne to kuch nahi kaha aapko par mai aapko aaj saja dunga. Ye saja ish baat ki hogi ki aapne mujhe ignore karke dushre logo ko apni jawaani ke maje diye aur mai yu hi aapko dur se dekh dekh kar apna dick masalta raha. aaj vakt aa gaya hai ki aapke holes ko mai bhi check kar lun, dekhun to sahi ki kitne gahre hole hai aapke. Vaise mai ek baat bata dun ki mera dick bada hai aur aapke jaisi slut ke liye hi bana hai.

mere sabar ka bandh tut gaya aur maine gusse mein ushke gaal par inti jor se chaanta maara ki ushka chehra laal ho gaya. Ushke haath mein jo pistol thi ushki bhi maine koyi parvaah nahi ki. jyada se jyada vo kya karta, mujhe goli hi maarta. aisi jeendagi se mujhe maut jyada pyari nazar aa rahi thi

“you bicth, tumhaari itni himmat mai pyar se baat kar raha tha aur tumne chaanta maar diya, ab tum nahi bachogi, bahut ho gayi pyar se baate” — vo gusse mein jhalla kar bola.

ye kah kar ushne meri kanpatti par pistol rakh di aur bola, “bata deti hai kya araam se ya phir tera ** karun. Aaj mai kishi bhi had tak jaa sakta hun”

maine pistol pakad kar kaha maaro goli vivek, tum wait kish baat ka kar rahe ho, bhul jao ki mai tumhaare jaise neech ke jhaanse mein aaungi. Come on do it” maine cheella kar kaha

pata nahi mujhe kya ho gaya tha. mai maut ke dar se ajaad ho gayi thi. kishi ne sach hi kaha hai ki jab inshaan maut ke dar ko bhula deta hai to kuch bhi kar sakta hai. aisa hi kuch mere saath ho raha tha.

vivek ne achaanak mere sar par jor se vaar kiya aur mai chakkar kha kar behosh ho gayi. Behosh hote hote maine apne sar par haath laga kar dekha. Mere sar se khun bah raha tha. agle hi pal mai gahri neend mein sho gayi.

Jab meri aankh khuli to maine khud ko vivek ke haato mein jhulte huve paaya. Vo mujhe dono haato mein utha kar chale ja raha tha. maine chaaro taraf dekha to mere rongate khade ho gaye. Har taraf jhaadiya hi jhaadiya thi. vo mujhe kishi jangal mein ley aaya tha.

Maine cheella kar kaha, “chhodo mujhe vivek, ye kaha ley aaye mujhe, jaldi chhodo varna mujh se bura koyi nahi hoga”

“Ye jangal hai bhabhi, yaha charo taraf jhadiya hi jhadiya hai, aapko to jhadiyon mein marvaane ka bada shonk hai na, apne ghar ke peeche jhadiyon mein hi to karva rahi thi ush din aap un logo se. ishliye mai aapko jangal mein ley aaya. Kya pata aapka man ban jaaye. dekh leeziye aur apni man pasand jhadiya chun leeziye, vahi jaakar aapki chut maarunga” —- vo chalte-chalte hanste huve bola.

mai ushki bahon mein jor jor se chatpatta rahi thi.par ushki bhujaao mein kaafi bal tha. vo badi majbuti se mujhe thaame huve tha.

ush vakt mujhe bahut dar lag raha tha. mere haath paanv kaanp rahe the. Ye sab ishliye tha kyonki mai nahi chaahti thi ki mere saath ** ho.

** kisi bhi ladki ke liye maut se bhi badi saja hoti hai. ** ke baad aurat ki dignity aur ushke aurat hone ka garv ushki jeendagi se cheen jaata hai.

Maine kabhi sapne mein bhi nahi socha tha ki mere saath ** hoga, par mai ush vakt aise haalaat mein thi ki mera bachana naamumkin nazar aa raha tha.

Vivek ne mujhe ek ghani jhaadi ke peeche ley jaa kar patak diya. mera muh seedha jamin par laga. jamin par ghaas nahi thi aur charo taraf mitti hi mitti thi. jaise hi mera muh jamin par laga meri aankho mein mitti ghuss gayi.

Shaam ka vakt tha, andhere ki chaadar charo taraf failne lagi thi. bas halki halki roshni baaki thi. upar se shunshaan jangal ki vo badi badi jhaadiyan. Aisa lag raha tha ki jaise kisi horror movie ka daraavana scene chal raha ho. itna bhayaanak scene maine jeendagi mein nahi dekha tha.

Par maine man hi man mein himmat na haarne ka fainsala kiya. Mai aakhri dam tak ladna chaahti thi. ** mujhe kisi bhi haalat mein manjoor nahi tha.

Maine upar ki aur karvat li to dekha ki vivek apni pant utaar raha hai.

Jaise hi ushne apni pant utaar kar ek taraf rakhi maine apni right leg se jor se ushke testicle par parhaar kiya.

“Oooohhhh, saali kamini, kuttiya teri itni himmat, aaj tak kisi ki mere saath aisa karne ki himmat nahi huyi” —- vo dard se cheellate huve bola aur mere baal pakad liye.

“vivek jo tum chaahte ho, vo mai kabhi nahi hone dungi” —– maine jor se cheella kar kaha.

Haan haan tujhe to bas vo kamina billu hi chaahiye. billu mar chuka hai meri jaan, aao na ab mai tumhaari pyaas bhujaata hun. khusi se nahi dogi to jabardasti dogi, deni to tumhe padegi hi, soch lo kaise dena chaahti ho.

Maine ushke muh par thuk diya

Aur agle hi pal ushne mere chehre par thappad barshaane shuru kar diye.

Vo bahut der tak mere gaal par thappado ki bochaar karta raha.

Ushne mujhe itna maara ki mai chakkar kha kar gir gayi.

Ushne mujhe ghuma kar apne neeche ulta kar diya.

Mai pet ke bal mitti par padi thi, aur vo mere upar khada tha.

Ushne meri jeans ke button khol kar ushe neeche sarka diya aur mere nitambo par jor se thappad maar kar bola, “pehle tumhaari gaand hi maarta hun,……. aayi mujh par thukne waali”

mera shrir jawaab de chuka tha par phir bhi maine uthne ki koshis ki par ushne meri peeth par ek laat maari aur mai dhadaam se jamin par vaapas gir gayi.

Ish baar mera maatha seedha dhul bhari jamin se ja takraaya aur meri aankho mein aur jyada mitti bhar gayi.

Aisa lag raha tha ki ab mera ** ho kar rahega.

Maine man hi man mein kaha, hey bhagvaan agar ye mere paapo ki saja hai to sach kahti hun ki bahut badi saja hai, mujhe nahi lagta ki kisi ko bhi aisi saja milni chaahiye.

Vivek mere upar late gaya aur mere baalo ko pakad kar kheenchte huve bola, laat maarti hai mere lund par huu……, dekh mai teri gaand kaise phaadta hun.

Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki ab kya karun. Mai bas vaha pade pade chatpata rahi thi.

Maine ek aakhri koshis ki.

Maine ushe rote huve appeal ki, “vivek please ruk jao, aisa mat karo, tum to aise nahi the, tumhe aaj kya ho gaya hai, tum mujhe goli maar do par ye sab mat karo please, mai maanti hun maine sanjay ko dhoka diya hai, par….”

Ushke baad kuch aisa huva jishki maine sapne mein bhi kalpana nahi ki thi. mujhe vaha kisi aur ki awaaj shunaayi di

“Ye aisa hi hai ritu, tum ish haraami ko nahi jaanti ye aisa hi hai”

ye awaaj shun kar mai ek dam se chonk gayi, kyonki vo mujhe jaani pehchaani si lagi. Mai man hi man mein soch rahi thi ki jishki ye awaaj hai ushka vaha hona namumkin hai.

“kaun ho tum chhodo mujhe varna” — ye vivek ki awaaj thi. vo gidgida raha tha.

achaanak mujhe mahsush huva ki vivek mere upar nahi hai. ushe mere upar se kheench liya gaya tha.

phir maine mahsush kiya ki koyi meri jeans upar chadha raha hai.

mujhe bachaane vaha jangal mein kaun aa gaya, yahi sawaal mere man mein ghum raha tha.

maine gardan ghuma kar dekha. Abhi tak puri tarah se andhera nahi huva tha aur roshni ek tarah se theek thaak thi. par meri aankho mein itni mitti ghussi huyi thi ki, mai theek se dekh hi nahi paayi ke vaha vivek ke alawa dushra kaun hai

mujhe bas itna hi deekha ki koyi vivek ko buri tarah maar raha hai. vivek mere paas hi pada huva maar kha raha tha.

aaahh no….vivek ki cheenkh pure jangal mein gunj rahi thi.

“saale teri itni himmat aaj tujhe jeenda nahi chhodunga mai” — phir se vahi awaaj aayi

mai itni utshuk ho rahi thi ki foran himmat karke vaha se uthi aur maine apni aankho par se mitti hata kar dekhne ki koshish ki.

jo maine dekha ush par vishvaas karna mushkil tha.

meri aankho ke saamne billu, vivek ko buri tarah maar raha tha.

ushe vaha dekh kar mujhe apni aankho par vishwaas nahi ho raha tha. mai bas ushe ek tak dekhe ja rahi thi.

vo jeenda kaise hai ? vo vaha kaise aaya ? mumbai mein vo kya kar raha hai ?

ye kuch aise sawaal the jo mere deemag mein billu ko vaha dekh kar ek dam se ghum gaye

yahi kal ki sabse chonkaane waali ghatna thi.

Billu ko vaha dekh kar mai gahre shock mein thi. yahi sawaal man mein uth raha tha ki aakhir vo bach kaise gaya.

Mai soch rahi thi ki agar vo jeenda hai to vo kaun the jo neha ke anushaar ashok ke saath maare gaye the.

Khair vo meri aankho ke saamne tha aur vivek ko buri tarah maar raha tha.

Koyi bhi agar aise haalaat mein aapki ijjat bachayega to aap ushka ahshaan maanenge

Par aap kya kahenge ush inshaan ko jo pehle to aapko barbaad karta hai aur phir aapki ijjat bachaane aa jata hai.

Samajh nahi aa raha tha ki billu ko vaha dekh kar mai kaise react karun. Ushke kaaran mera sab kuch barbaad ho chuka tha. aur ab vo mere saamne mera ** karne ki koshis karne waale vivek ko maar raha tha.

agar vivek mere sharir ka ** karna chaahta tha to, billu ush se bhi badh kar mere charitra ka ** pehle hi kar chuka tha.Ishliye mai billu ko apna rakhvaala kaise maan sakti thi.

Aakhir vahi to tha vo, jishne badi chaalaaki se mujhe paap ke daldal mein fansaya tha.
Vaha khade khade, mujhe yaad aaya ki kaise ushne ek din apne paanv mein chicken ka blood laga kar mujhe badi chaalaki se mere ghar ke peeche bulaaya tha. kah raha tha paanv mein chot lagi hai, khun bah raha hai, kuch karo na. aur phir ushke baad ushki vo emotional baatein.

[hirarandi]

Khud to ushne mujhe jaise taise fansa kar mere saath kiya hi, phir mujhe badi chaalaaki se ashok ke saamne bhi parosh diya. Aur phir ush din, ashok aur raju ko bhi saath ley aaya . kya kuch nahi kiya tha ushne mere saath. Ushne jo mere saath kiya tha vo mere sharir ka ** na sahi par mere character ka ** jaroor tha. agar billu meri jeendagi mein na aata to na to mujhe ashok ka shikaar hona padta, na ush cycle wale ki bhaddi baate shun-ni padti aur na hi vivek ki itni himmat hoti ki mujh se itni behuda baate kare aur mera ** karne ki koshish kare. in sab baato ke kaaran mujhe billu ka vaha hona kudrat ka ek ghinona majaak lag raha tha.
Maine dekha ki billu aur vivek mein bahut tagadi haatha-paayi chal rahi thi. kabhi vivek haavi hota deekhta tha to kabhi billu. dauno ek dushre se buri tarah ulajh rahe the.
“Saale tu bach gaya haan, par aaj mere haato se nahi bachega” —- vivek ne billu ke pet mein laat maarte huve kaha.
Agle hi pal vivek neeche pada tha aur billu phir se ushki dhunaayi kar raha tha.
Achaanak meri nazar jamin par padi pistol par gayi. vo vivek ki pant ke paas hi padi thi.
Mai ladkhadaate huve pistol ke paas pahunchi aur kaanpte haato se pistol utha li.
Maine pistol ko dono haatho mein pakda aur un dauno ki taraf taan di. Maine kisi ki aur nishaana nahi lagaaya bas goli chala di…….. mai soch rahi thi ki kisi ko bhi lag jaaye, dauno mere liye ek samaan hai.
Par goli kisi ko nahi lagi, pata nahi kaha chali gayi.
Haan itna jaroor huva ki ek pal ko dauno ruk gaye.
“Bhabhi ruko, goli mat chalaao,I am sorry, mai bahak gaya tha, aap sach kah rahi thi, mai aaj hosh mein nahi hun” —- vivek meri aur gidgida kar bola.
agle hi pal billu ne ushke upar laato ki bochaar kar di aur bola, “saale tu kab hosh mein rahta hai”
Maine ek aur fire kiya aur billu ladkhada kar gir gaya.
“Bhabhi acha kiya, bahut acha kiya, ek aur goli maaro ish saale ko” —- vivek meri aur gidgida kar bola.
“shut up you bastard” —- maine cheella kar kaha aur vivek ki taraf pistol kar ke goli chala di.
“Aahhh…. No… bhabhi please mujhe maaf kar do mai bahak gaya tha” —— vivek dard se cheella kar bola.
goli shaayad vivek ke pet mein lagi thi. goli lagte hi vo bhi billu ke paas gir gaya.
“Ritu, banduk mujhe do, mai ishka khel khatam karta hun” —- billu meri aur dekh kar bola.
billu apni taang pakde pada tha.
tab maine socha, “acha ishki taang mein goli lagi hai, ishke to sar mein goli lagni chaahiye thi.”
aur maine ish baar billu ki aur fire kiya
lekin ye nishaana mai chuk gayi.
par ek dam se vivek ne furti se meri aur badh kar mere haath se pistol cheen li aur mere muh par ek chaanta maara, jishke kaaran mai ladkhada kar gir gayi.
“saali mujhe maaregi, mai aaj tum dauno ki yahi kabar khod dunga” —- vivek cheella kar bola.
Ye kah kar ushne pistol meri kanpatti par rakh di aur bola, “ab mai tumhe bataata hun ki goli kaise chalaayi jaati hai”
Maine bhagvaan ko yaad kiya aur man hi man mein prayer ki, “hey bhagvaan agar ab mujhe mere paapo ki saja mil chuki ho to mujhe maaf kar do, mere chintoo ka khyaal rakhna”
Par agle hi pal maine mahsush kiya ki meri kanpatti par pistol nahi hai.
Maine dekha ki billu vivek ke upar hai aur pistol mujh se thodi dur jamin par padi hai. shaayad billu ne vivek par peeche se hamla kiya tha, aur ushke haath se pistol dur ja giri thi.
Mai jamin par rengte huve pistol ke paas pahunch gayi.
Maine pistol uthaayi hi thi ki vivek kisi tarah se vaha se bhaag khada huva. Maine turant ushki aur fire kiya aur vo gir gaya. Ish baar goli ushki peeth par lagi thi.
Billu jamin par pada tha, vo apni right leg ko pakad kar dard se karaah raha tha.
Mai himmat karke khadi huyi aur ushki taraf pistol taan di.
“Aise nahi ritu, aisey mat maaro mujhe, ruko mai thoda karib aa jaata hun, tab araam se nishaana laga kar maarna, mai tumhaare kadmo mein marna chaahta hun” —- vo dard se karaahte huve bola.
“band karo ye bakwaas billu, mere karib mat aana, mujhe ab tumhaare baare mein sab kuch pata hai, badi chalaaki se barbaad kiya hai tumne mujhe, aaj mai tumhe jeenda nahi chhodungi” —– maine cheella kar kaha.
“Bilkul ritu, mai bhi yahi chaahta hun ki agar meri maut ho to tumhaare haato se ho, mai tumhaara gunahgaar hun” — vo meri taraf rengte huve bola.
“ruk jao billu varna mai goli chala dungi” —- maine phir se ushe cheella kar kaha.
Par vo nahi ruka aur jamin par rengte huve meri taraf badhne laga. Maine ushke upar fire kiya par goli na jaane kaha lagi, kyonki vo ruka nahi aur mere kadmo ke bilkul paas aa kar late gaya.
“Kaha tha na aisey mat maaro, marne waale ki aakhri khavahish ka dhyaan rakha jaata hai, lo ab maaro mujhe, goli seedhi sar mein maaro, mai tumhaare kadmo mein hi marna chaahta hun” —- billu ne mere kadmo par haath rakh kar kaha.
Maine kaha, “band karo ye naatak billu, kuch bhi ho jaaye, aaj mai tumhaari baato ke jaal mein nahi fansungi”
Billu ne mere paanv par sar rakh diya aur bola, “naatak nahi hai ye, mai tumhaara gunahgaar hun, mai maanta hun. mumbai mai bas tumhaare liye hi aaya hun. peechle hafte se roj chhup chhup kar tumhe dekh raha hun. tumhaara saamna karne ki himmat nahi ho rahi thi meri. Par aaj maine jab tumhe vivek ki gaadi mein baithte dekha to maine tumhaara peecha kiya. mujhe dar tha ki vivek jaroor koyi na koyi ghinoni harkat karega. Par raste mein mera ek chota sa accident ho gaya, jishke kaaran yaha pahunchne mein der ho gayi. vivek ki gaadi mujh se kaafi aage nikal kar aankh se ojhal ho chuki thi. mai har taraf tumhe dhund raha tha. jab ish jangal ki taraf aaya to dekha ki baahar sadak par vivek ki gaadi khadi thi, ushi se mujhe laga ki vo tumhe jaroor yaha laaya hai”
“Ish sab se tum kya saabit karna chaahte ho billu, kuch bhi karlo par mai tumhe kabhi maaf nahi karungi, tumne mere saath bahut ganda khel khela hai” —- maine bhavuk ho kar kaha.
“Jaanta hun ritu, aur mai bhi khud ko shaayad kabhi maaf na karun. Apni bhool ka ahsaash mujhe tab huva jab mujhe ush din goli lagne ke baad hosh aaya. Mujhe yakin nahi tha ki mai bachunga. Par veena aunty ne mujhe bacha liya. mai badle ki aag mein apne hosh kho baitha tha ritu, mujhe maaf kar do” — billu gidgidaate huve bola.
“mai kya tumhe maaf karungi billu, mai to khud ko hi maaf nahi kar paa rahi hun, tumhaari to baat hi dur hai” — ye kahte huve meri aankho mein aanshu utar aaye.
Maine pistol billu ke sar par rakhne ki bajaaye apni kanpatti par laga di, aur kaha, “mujhe nahi pata ki tumne mere saath aisa kyon kiya aur na mujhe ab kuch jaan-na hai, mai itna jaroor jaanti hun ki jitni galti tumhaari thi, utni hi meri thi, ishliye mai tumhe maarne ki bajaaye ab khud hi mar rahi hun”

[hirarandi]

Nahi ritu, maarna hai to mujhe maaro, tumhaari koyi galti nahi hai, tumhaare saath jo kuch bhi huva vo mere kaaran huva hai, mujhe goli maaro ritu…. Please” —- billu mere paanv pakad kar bola.
maine fire kar diya. aur vakt jaise tham gaya.
Par kishmat ko meri maut manzoor nahi thi. banduk ki goliya khatam ho chuki thi.
mai vaha se hat gayi aur ladkhadaate huve vaha se chal padi. Andhera ghir aaya tha aur jangal mein tarah tarah ki bhayaanak awaaje gunj rahi thi.
mujhe kuch nahi pata tha ki sadak kish taraf hai, mai bas bina soche samjhe chal padi.
Har inshaan ki jeendagi mein ek aisa pal aata hai, jab vo apne ander jhaank kar dekhta hai ki vo vaakayi mein kya hai. mai ush vakt ishi avastha mein thi. par mujhe ush vakt apne ander jangal se bhi bhayaanak andhera nazar aa raha tha.
Jo kuch vivek ne mere saath kiya tha vo meri bachi kuchi aatma ko maar gaya tha. baaki sab kuch to billu pehle hi khatam kar chuka tha.
“Ritu ruko ye jangal bahut bada hai, kaha ja rahi ho, tum bhatak jaaogi. mai bhi aa raha hun” —– billu ne mere peeche se cheella kar kaha.
Maine peeche mud kar dekha, vo ladkhadaata huva mere peeche aa raha tha. maine ek pathar uthaaya aur ushki aur fenk kar maara. Mujhe yakin nahi huva, vo seedha ushke sar par jaakar laga aur vo gir gaya.
Jab mujhe hosh aaya tha to maine dekha tha ki vivek mujhe kish raste se laaya tha. ushi raste par mai aage badh rahi thi, bina kisi dar ke, bina kisi khauf ke.darta vo hai jishke paas khone ko kuch bacha ho. Mere paas khone ko kuch nahi tha.
Chalte chalte mujhe dur se sadak dheekhaayi di.
Maine sadak par vivek ki car khadi dekhi. Car se thodi dur ek bike khadi thi. shaayad vo billu ki thi. vivek ki car mein mera purse tha aur mobile tha. maine ek bada sa pathar uthaaya aur jor se car ki khidki mein maara. Khidki ka sheesa thoda chatak gaya. Maine ek aur pathar maara aur vo itna tut gaya ki mai ander haath daal kar apna purse nikaal sakun.
Maine purse nikaala aur shunshaan sadak par chal padi. Dur dur tak koyi nahi tha. mere sar par khun laga tha, chehre par mitti thi aur saare kapde dhul se bhare the. Kuch nahi pata tha ki kish taraf jaaun, mai bas chale ja rahi thi.
Koyi 5 minut baad mujhe ek car aati deekhaayi di. Maine socha koyi taxi hogi to hi haath dungi.
Par vo taxi nahi thi, ishliye maine haath nahi diya. aur vo car aage badh gayi.
Mujh se thoda aage ja kar car achaanak ruk gayi aur peeche ki taraf meri aur aane lagi.
“Arey aap ish shunshaan sadak par akeli kya kar rahi hai, ohh aapke sar par to khun laga hai, sab theek to hai” ——- car mein baithi lady ne pucha.
Vo lady akeli thi aur khud hi car drive kar rahi thi.
Maine kaha, “aap please mujhe aisi jagah chhod dijiye jahaan se mai taxi ley kar colaba ja sakun”
“Arey haan haan aao baitho, ye sab kya huva hai aapke saath” ? —— ush lady ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi… jeendagi ne ek bhadda majaak kiya hai, aap please mujhe jaldi kahi chhod do” —- maine rote huve kaha.
“security officer ko phone karun kya” ? — ush lady ne pucha.
“Ab security officer aakar kya karegi jo hona tha so ho gaya” —– maine ush lady se kaha.
“Kya tumhaare saath ** huva hai” ? agar aisa hai to hamein turant security officer station chalna chaahiye” —- ush lady ne kaha.
“Nahi ** se bhi jyada bhayaanak. aap mujh se kuch mat pucho, mai kuch bhi kahne ki haalat mein nahi hun” —- maine ush lady ko kaha.
“Theek hai….theek hai, aap araam se baitho mai abhi aapko kisi taxi tak pahuncha deti hun” —— vo lady boli.
ushne mujhe ek taxi waale ke paas utaar diya. taxi waala bhi mujhe aisi haalat mein dekh kar hairaani mein bola, “madam ye kya huva hai, aapke sar par to khun laga hai”
maine kaha, “kuch nahi mai gir gayi thi, mujhe jaldi colaba ley chalo”
“Colaba mein kaha jaana hai madam” —- ushne pucha.
Maine kaha, “hotel taj ke paas”
Jaise hi mai apne flat ke baahar pahunchi vaha sidharth khada tha.
Vo mujhe dekh kar bola, “arey ye kya huva hai tumhe ritu, ye chehre par mitti aur ye sar par khun, kaise huva ye sab, mai kab se phone laga raha hun, phone bhi nahi uthaaya tumne”
Mai itni bhaavuk ho uthi ki sidharth ke gale lag kar phoot phoot kar rone lagi
“Arey kya huva ritu, bataao to sahi” —- sidharth ne mere sar par haath rakh kar pucha
par mai kuch bhi bataane ki haalat mein nahi thi
acha chalo pehle tumhaare flat mein chalte hai, araam se baith kar baat karenge” —- sidharth ne mere sar par haath phiraate huve kaha.
Sidharth mera haath pakad kar mujhe mere flat par ley aaya.
“Mai kab se tumhaara phone try kar raha hun, aaj tumhe kuch surprise dena tha, lekin khud tumhe aisi haalat mein dekh kar surprise ho gaya, bataao ye sab kaise huva”
“sidharth mai tumhe kuch nahi bata sakti, ye ek lambi kahaani hai” —- maine kaha
“theek hai ritu tum chinta mat karo baad mein araam se baat karenge. par tumhaare sar par chot lagi hai, mai kisi doctor ko ley kar aata hun” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Nahi sidharth mein khud patti baandh lungi, doctor ki biwi rah kar bahut kuch seekha hai, mere paas sab samaan hai, tum abhi jao mai abhi akeli rahna chaahti hun” —- maine sidharth ki aur dekh kar kaha
“ritu kya mera tum par itna bhi hak nahi hai ki mai sukh dukh mein tumhaare saath rah sakun. Dekh raha hun ki jab se mili ho, mujh se dur dur rahne ki koshish karti ho. Kya tum vahi ritu ho jo kabhi mujh se shaadi karne ko taiyaar thi” —- sidharth ne pucha
“Nahi sidharth mein vo ritu nahi hun, vo ritu mar chuki hai, tum please abhi jao, baad mein baat karenge” —- maine nazre jhuka kar kaha. aisey kadve bol mai ushki aur dekh kar nahi bol sakti thi.
“theek hai mai ja raha hun, par yaad rakhna mai tumhe bahut pyaar karta hun” ——- vo jaate huve bola.
maine ushke jaane ke baad darvaaja band kar liya aur darvaaje par khade khade hi aanshu bahaane lagi.
sidharth mujhe pyaar de raha tha, aur mai ushe khud se dur dhakail rahi thi. dar-asal mai nahi chaahti thi ki mere jaisi ladki ushki jeendagi mein aaye. vo bahut acha hai, par mai kya hun mai ache se jaanti hun. mai apni baaki ki jeendagi ka safar akele bitaana chaahti hun…………. bilkul akele.
Sidharth ke jaane ke baad maine apni marham patti ki aur garam paani se naha kar sho gayi. bahut der tak neend nahi aayi par jab aayi to subah 11 baje aankh khuli. Maine uthte hi office phone kiya ki mai aaj nahi aaungi.

[hirarandi]

Date 01-02-09
Aaj Sunday hai aur mai ghar par hun. shaam ka vakt hai aur 6 bajne waale hai. par ek ajeeb samashya aan khadi huyi hai.
Abhi abhi thodi der pehle door bell baji thi. maine darvaaje par aakar dekha to paya ki kisi ne darvaaje ke neeche se ek kaagaz ka tukda sarka rakha tha.
Maine kaagaz utha kar dekha to ush par leekha tha
“ritu mai tumhe sab kuch bataana chaahta hun, gate way of India ke saamne aa jao mai tumhaara intezaar kar raha hun. please ek baar meri baat shun lo phir kabhi mujh se baat mat karna. mai tumhaare liye hi mumbai aaya hun. mai tumhaara intezaar kar raha hun. Bas ek baar mil lo, Please”………..billu
maine kaagaz phaad kar fenk diya hai. billu ki koyi bhi baat shun-ne ka mera koyi iraada nahi hai. vaise bhi manish sachaayi ke kaafi karib hai.
Kal maine dipti ko phone kiya tha, ushne mujhe kaha tha, “ritu, ho sakta hai ki billu jeenda ho kyonki ushki laash nahi mili hai. manish ke anushaar ashok ke saath jo maare gaye hai unme se ek raju hai aur ek ashok ka ladka dinesh hai”
Maine kaha, “billu yaha mumbai mein hai dipti”
“kk..kya tumhe kaise pata” — dipti ne hairaani mein pucha.
Maine dipti ko 21 january ki puri ghatna shuna di.
“Arey tumne to kamaal kar diya….. par ye baat tum mujhe aaj bata rahi ho, tumhe pata hai na manish ishi kaam par laga hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Dipti ab mera kuch jaan-ne ka man nahi hai, saaf lag raha hai ki billu ki sanjay aur vivek se koyi dushmani hai aur sanjay se badla lene ke liye ushne mujhe barbaad kiya hai. yaad hai na vo khun se leekhi line “doctor ki to yahi saja hai par vakil ko har haal mein marna hoga” —- maine kaha
“Vo to mai bhi samajh rahi hun, par kya tum nahi jaan-na chahogi ki billu kyo sanjay aur vivek ke peeche pada hai” —- dipti ne pucha
“sanjay se mera divorce ho chuka hai dipti aur vivek se mera koyi lena dena nahi hai. baaki sanjay khud sab kuch sambhaal lenge, billu unke peeche pada hai to pada rahne do. Mai ish chakkar mein nahi padna chaahti” —- maine kaha.
“Vo to theek hai ritu, par manish kah raha tha ki bahut jald sachaayi hamaare saamne hogi” —- dipti ne kaha.
Ishliye Mera billu se milne ka koyi iraada nahi hai. sachaayi vaise bhi jaldi hi saamne aa jaayegi.
……………………..
Date : 2-02-09
Aaj subah ki shuruvaat bahut buri tarah huyi. Subah koyi 8 baje maine apni khidki se baahar jhaank kar dekha to paya ki mere flat ke bilkul saamne sadak par billu khada tha.
Mujhe khidki mein dekhte hi vo haath jod kar khada ho gaya, jaise ki kah raha ho ki please mujh se mil lo.
Maine jhat se khidki band kar di aur office ke liye taiyaar hone lagi.
Shaam ko jab ghar aayi to phir se mujhe apne ghar ke ander darvaaje ke paas ek kaagaz mila
Ush par leekha tha
“mai bahut der tak kal tumhaara intezar karta raha, tumhe sab kuch bata kar vaapas delhi jaana chaahta hun, mere paas yaha jyada vakt nahi hai. jaise taise yaha kisi friend ke paas rah raha hun. vo bhi ab pareshaan hone laga hai. meri financial position aisi nahi hai ki ish sahar mein jyada din tahar paaun. Tumhe sab kuch bata deta to dil ko tassalli milti. Tumhe bataaye bina mar gaya to meri aatma bhatakti rahegi. Meri jeendagi ka koyi bharosa nahi hai. kisi bhi vakt mai mar sakta hun, meri jaan ko har vakt khatra hai. please ek baar mil lo. Mai tumse aur kuch nahi chaahta”……………….billu
pata nahi kyon, ek man ho raha hai ki ek baar ushki baat shun lun, par phir ushki peechli harkate yaad aati hai. kya pata ye ushki koyi chaal ho, ush par vishvaas
karna mushkil hai.

[hirarandi]

Date 7-02-09
Peechle 5 dino se dekh rahi hun, billu roj subah mujhe office jaate vakt mere flat ke baahar mil jaata hai, aur jab mai vaapas aati hun to bhi mujhe vahi milta hai. ushke chehre par aisey bhaav rahte hai, jaise ki vo bahut innocent ho, lagta hi nahi hai ki ushi ne mujhe barbaad kiya hai. billu ka ye dushra hi roop dekh rahi hun. pata nahi kya raaj hai. mai ab dipti ke phone ka intezaar kar rahi hun. kal ushne bataaya tha ki bas ek dau din ki baat hai sachaayi saamne aa jaayegi. Roj mujhe office se aate hi ghar ke ander darvaaje ke niche billu ki leekhi chit milti hai. roj yahi leekha hota hai ki “aaj phir mai gate way of India par tumhaara intezaar karunga, ho sake to aa jao”
Par mai ush se milne kaise chali jaaun, jo ushne mere saath kiya hai ushe mai kabhi nahi bhula sakti. aur kya pata vo mujhe kaun si kahaani shunayega. Baatein banaane mein to vo expert hai hi. Kya pata koyi nayi chaal chal raha ho.
Ishliye mai billu ko ignore karke apne kaam par dhyaan de rahi hun.
———
Raat ke 10 baj rahe hai. abhi thodi der pehle papa se phone par lambi baat ki.
“bete sidharth ka phone aaya tha, tumne bataaya nahi ki vo vahi mumbai mein hai, bahut acha ladka hai” —- papa ne kaha
“ji papa mujhe dhyaan hi nahi raha, sidharth hamaari company ka CA hai, aksar office mein ush se mulaakat ho jaati hai, par ushne aapko kyo phone kiya” —– maine hairaani mein pucha.
“Beta, vo tumse shaadi karna chaahta hai, mujh se kah raha tha ki aap maan jao to ritu bhi maan jaayegi. Mai to pehle bhi tum logo ke saath hi tha, bas ushke papa ki izaazart ke bina kuch nahi hone dena chaahta tha. Acha ladka hai, ushke saath tum jeendagi ki nayi shuruvaat kar sakti ho, baaki sab kuch tumhaare upar hai, mai tumhe kuch nahi kahunga, jaisa tumhe acha lage karo, mai tumhaare saath hun.” —- papa ne kaha
aaj tak maine papa ki baat nahi taali hai, ishliye maine unhe kuch nahi kaha ki mai kya chaahti hun. mai soch rahi hun ki ab sidharth se hi baat karungi.
Date : 8-02-09
Aaj man bahut udaas hai chintoo ka birthday hai aur mai ushke paas nahi hun, par kya karun ush se milne bhi nahi ja sakti. nayi nayi naukri join ki hai, aur phir abhi kaam bhi jyada hai. subah ka vakt hai soch rahi hun ki mandir chali jaaun. Shaayad man ko kuch sakun miley. Vaise bhi aaj Sunday hai aur mere paas kaafi vakt hai
———–
11:30 am (8-02-09)
mandir mein ghuste hi mujhe ek anokha sa sakun mila. Mandir mein bahut pyara bhajan chal raha tha.
♫♪♫….. hare krishna… hare krishne…..krishna krishna….hare.. hare.. hare rama…hare rama… rama rama.. hare…hare….♫♪♫
Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai ki jab aap bhagvaan ke paas haath jod kar jaate hai to bhagvaan aapko gale laga lete hai. kuch aisa hi ahsaash mujhe ho raha tha.
ye bhajan meri anter aatma mein utarta chala gaya. Bahut dino baad man ko kuch shaanti mili. par ye shaanti jyada der nahi rah paayi.
mai bhagvaan ke aage aankhe band karke khadi thi aur man hi man chintoo ke liye lambi umar ki kaamna kar rahi thi. apne liye mai kya maangti bas yahi duva kar rahi thi ki hey bhagvaan mujhe hamesha ache raste par rakhna. Mujhe itni shakti dena ki jab bhi mere saamne dau raste aayein to mai sahi raste ka chunaav kar sakun.
Sabhi kuch acha chal raha tha. aankhe band karke mein ander hi ander kho gayi thi aur hare krishna hare rama bhajan mere kaano mein gunj raha tha.
Achaanak mujhe ek awaaj shunaayi di
“bhagvaan mujhe aapse kuch nahi chaahiye, vaise bhi jo tha vo to aapne pehle hi cheen liya hai, agar mujhe kuch dene ko bacha ho to vo ish devi ko de do. mai jyada din nahi jeena chaahta, meri umar aap ish devi ko laga do. aur ye devi aapse jo bhi maangti hai de do bhagvaan mai ish devi ko bahut pyar karta hun…”
maine hairaani mein aankhe khol kar dekha aur chonk gayi..
billu mere paas aankhe band karke bhagvaan ke aage haath jode khada tha. maine man hi man mein socha ki ishki himmat kaise ho gayi yaha aane ki aur aise mere saath khade hone ki.
maine pujaari se parsaad liya aur jhat se mandir se baahar aa gayi.
“ritu ruk jao, please…. ek baar meri baat to shun lo, mai bas tumhe kuch bataana chaahta hun, aur to kuch nahi chaahta, please….” —- billu ne mere peeche aate huve kaha.
Mai ruk gayi aur peeche mud kar ushe kaha, “billu agar tum mein jara si bhi sharam baaki hai to yaha se chale jao. Aur mujhe tumse kuch nahi shun-na. Vaise bhi mujhe kaafi kuch pata chal gaya hai. mera peecha chhod do aur yaha se dafa ho jao.”
mandir mere flat ke nazdeek hi tha, ishliye teji se chal kar mai apne ghar aa gayi. mujhe bahut bura lag raha tha ki vo mere peeche mandir tak aa gaya. pata nahi billu aisa kyo kar raha hai ?
raat ke 11 bajne ko hai aur man bahut bechan ho raha hai. ye bechani sidharth ke kaaran hai. samajh nahi aata ki ushe kaise samjhaaun.
Jaise hi mai mandir se aayi thi sidharth ghar aa gaya tha.
“Ritu mai bina bataaye aa gaya, tum bura to nahi maanogi” —- sidharth ne hanste huve pucha.
“Nahi koyi baat nahi, baitho mai coffee banaati hun” — maine kaha.
Mai khud ush se milna chaahti thi. ab jab ushne papa se baat kar li thi to ushe sab kuch bataana jaroori ho gaya tha.
“Ritu, maine kal tumhaare dady se baat ki thi, shaayad unhone tumhe bataaya hoga. Vo to taiyaar hai, ab bas tumhare haan kahne ki der hai, jo sapna hum pehle pura nahi kar paaye the vo ab kar sakte hai. tum bataao, kya mujh se shaadi karogi” ? — sidharth ne coffee peete huve pucha.
“hmm…. Sidharth I respect you a lot. You are real gentleman. Any women would love to marry you. But..” —- maine kaha
“but kya, vo women tum kyo nahi ho sakti ? aakhir tum kyo mujh se shaadi nahi karna chaahti ? bahaana bana rahi ho hai na, tumhe shaayad ab mai acha nahi lagta” ? — sidharth ne emotional tone mein kaha.
“Aisi baat nahi hai sidharth, meri jeendagi uljhi huyi hai, mai tumhe kaise samjhaun” —- maine kaha.
“Mujhe moka to do mai tumhaari har uljhan dur kar dunga, par aisey bahaana mat banaao. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun aur tum mujhe sata rahi ho” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai tumhe sata nahi rahi hun sidharth, mai tumhe kaise bataaun, acha ruko mai tumhe kuch deti hun” — maine sidharth se kaha.
“Kya ritu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
Mai apne bedroom mein gayi aur apni diary ley aayi. Mai sidharth ko apne muh se sab kuch nahi bata sakti thi. ishliye sidharth ko apni diary dene ka faisala kiya.
“Ye lo sidharth tum ishe padh lo, tum khud samajh jaaoge ki aaj mai kish haalaat mein hun” —- maine sidharth ko apni diary dete huve kaha.
“Kya hai ish diary mein ritu, tum khud kyo nahi bata deti” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Tum khud padh lo sidharth, tab tak mai lunch banaati hun” —– maine kaha
“wow…. kya tum mujhe apne haath ka khaana khilaaogi, aaj to maja aa jayega, bahut dino se maine ghar ka khana nahi khaaya, tumhe to pata hi hai, mai bhi tumhaari tarah yaha mumbai mein akela rah raha hun, aksar baahar hi khaana padta hai” —– sidharth ne mushkurate huve kaha.
“Haan sidharth hum daono saath lunch karenge. Aur haan ish diary mein leekhi kahaani ho sakta hai tumhe bhaddi lage. Dar-asal maine kuch nahi chupaaya. Jo kuch bhi mere saath peechle dino huva hai sab kuch sach sach leekh diya hai ” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai mai padhta hun tum jaldi se lunch banaao mai khaana khane ke liye mara ja raha hun” sidharth ne kaha.
Mai kitchen mein khaana banaane lagi aur sidharth meri diary padhne mein busy ho gaya.
Jaise hi mai lunch bana kar kitchen se baahar aayi to maine dekha ki vo diary ko ek taraf rakh kar chupchaap baitha hai.
Maine pucha “lunch taiyaar hai sidharth kya lunch karein”
“Ritu ye sab kaise ho gaya, mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha. mai samajh nahi pa raha hun ki kaise react karun” —- sidharth ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Lunch karte hai sidharth, mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi kar paaungi. haan itna jaroor kahungi ki ish diary ki ek ek baat sach hai. sach ke alawa maine ish mein kuch nahi leekha.” — maine kaha.
“Ritu acha kiya tumne mujhe ye diary de di. Mere dil mein tumhaare liye samman aur badh gaya hai. mujhe acha laga ki tumne sanjay ko sab kuch sach sach bata diya tha. ” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“par sach bataane mein maine der kar di thi sidharth. ” —- maine sidharth se kaha.
“ritu, agar tum sochti ho ki ish diary mein leekhi baate hamaari shaadi mein rukaavat hai to tum galat ho. Haan mujhe bura laga, balki bahut bura laga, par jaise jaise mai padhta gaya mujhe ye bhi laga ki tum ek achi inshaan ho jishmein ki ache bure ki samajh baaki hai. tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai, aur kya chaahiye. mai tumse shaadi karne ke liye taiyaar hun. mujhe ish diary se koyi matlab nahi hai. tum ishmein aag laga do aur sab kuch bhul kar meri jeendagi mein aa jao. Hum dauno nayi shuruvaat karte hai” sidharth ne kaha.
Aisa lag raha tha jaise ki sidharth mere pyar mein andha ho gaya hai
“Oh no sidharth ye diary tumhe dene ka ye matlab nahi tha. tum samajhte kyo nahi ho. Mai abhi bahut uljhan mein hun” —– maine kaha.

[hirarandi]

Ritu mai tumhe abhi shaadi karne ko nahi kah raha hun. ab jab maine ye diary padh li hai to mai samajh sakta hun. tum aaraam se apne kaam par dhyaan dau. Aur rahi ush billu ki baat mujhe dikhaao ki vo kaun hai, ushki akal mai theekane lagaata hun” —— sidharth ne kaha.
Maine apne flat ki sadak ki taraf wali khidki se baahar jhaank kar dekha. Par billu vaha nahi deekha.
“Abhi vo yaha nahi hai. par jab bhi mai subah office jaati hun aur jab shaam ko vaapas aati hun to vo aajkal mere flat ke saamne sadak par milta hai” —- maine kaha
“tum chinta mat karo mai kal subah 9 baje aa jaaunga. Tum company ki car mein mat jaana, hum saath chalenge, theek hai. mai dekhna chaahta hun ki ye billu aakhir kya bala hai” — sidharth ne kaha.
Phir hum daono ne lunch kiya.
Lunch karne ke baad sidharth ne kaha, “tum soch lo ritu, tumhaare paas bahut vakt hai, par mai shaadi tum se hi karunga, I love you from the bottom of my heart. bade se bada toofaan bhi mere pyar ko nahi hila sakta. Ye tumhaari diary bhi nahi. I will wait for you. Ab mai chalta hun, kisi client ke paas jaana hai. kal subah miltey hai theek hai”
Ushki baat shun kar meri aankho mein aanshu aane ko ho gaye. Par maine khud ko thaam liya. pata nahi sidharth mujhe itna pyar kyo karta hai. mujhe yakin nahi tha ki vo ye diary padh kar bhi aisi baat kahega. Yahi kaaran hai ki mai bechan hun. ab sidharth ko mai kaise mana karungi, samajh nahi pa rahi hun.
==========
Date : 9-02-09 11:30 pm
Aaj bahut bade raaj se parda khul gaya
Aaj subah subah alarm ki bajaaye mujhe dipti ke phone ne uthaaya.
Subah 7 baje mera phone baj utha.
“dipti hi…., kya baat hai, itni subah kyo phone kiya” —- maine hairaani mein pucha
“ritu bahut badi baat pata chali hai, abhi abhi manish ka phone aaya tha. saari guthi sulajhati nazar aa rahi hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
Mai jhat se apne bed par baith gayi aur kaha, “acha, jaldi bataao kya pata chala hai”
“ye saari kahaani ek hi naam par ja kar ruk gayi hai, vo hai kavita” —- dipti ne kaha
“ kavita … kaun kavita, ab ye kavita kaha se aa gayi” — maine pucha
“sanjay ke clinic mein nurse thi vo, tum to ushe jaanti hogi” —- dipti ne pucha
“oh haan…. yaad aaya… tum ush kavita ki baat kar rahi ho. Bahut achi aur sarif ladki thi. ek baar chintoo ke birthday par ghar bhi aayi thi. meri ush se achi bol chaal thi. par vo to koyi 2 saal pahle clinic chhod kar chali gayi thi”
“she is missing ritu, 2 saal se vo gaayab hai, ushke saath kya huva, vo ab kaha hai, jeenda hai bhi ya nahi …kisi ko nahi pata” ??? —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ohh mujhe ish baare mein nahi pata tha, ek baar jab mein clinic gayi thi to sanjay se pucha tha ki kavita kaha hai, unhone to yahi kaha tha ki vo vaha se kaam chhod kar chali gayi” — maine kaha
“sanjay to yahi kahega, kyonki ho sakta hai ki kavita ke gaayab hone mein ushka haath ho, manish ko ish baare mein shak hai. haan par vivek ka ishmein pakka haath hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“par mere saath jo kuch huva, ush se kavita ka kya lena dena dipti” — maine hairaani mein pucha.
“billu kavita ka chota bhai hai ritu. aur ye pata chala hai ki vo 2 saal se apni sister ko dhund raha hai. Bahut pyar karta hai vo kavita ko. Ushke ma baap ke marne ke baad kavita ne hi ushe pala hai. security officer kuch nahi kar rahi. ya phir ye samajh lo ki kisi ke dabaav ke kaaran security officer kuch karna nahi chaahti. Manish billu ke delhi wale ghar gaya tha. vaha pata chala hai ki billu to bahut sarif aur nek ladka hai”
“bas-bas mujhe pata hai vo kitna nek hai, haan par kavita ke liye mujhe dukh hai, bahut mehanti thi vo. Mai jab bhi clinic jaati thi ushe kaam karte huve hi paati thi. sanjay bhi ushki kaafi taarif karte the, kahte the ki kavita ne akele hi kaafi kaam sambhaal rakha hai” —- maine dipti se kaha.
“Kavita ke hi kaaran manish par ush din jaan leva hamla huva tha. mujhe yakin hai ki sanjay aur vivek nahi chaahte ki kisi ko pata chale ki kavita ke gaayab hone mein unka haath hai. vo hamla un dauno ne hi karvaaya hoga” —– dipti ne kaha
“sanjay aisa nahi karenge, haan vivek kuch bhi kar sakta hai. par vo to mar gaya hoga. Maine khud ushe goli maari thi.” —- maine kaha.
“Ish baare mein mujhe nahi pata. Par itna jaroor saaf ho gaya hai ki billu kavita ke kaaran hi tumhaare peeche pada tha. shaayad ushe shak hoga ki kavita ke gaayab hone mein sanjay ka haath hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ish se ushka gunaah kam nahi ho jaata” — maine kaha.
“Vo to theek hai ritu, mai to bas billu ka motive bata rahi thi. par yaar manish ab kavita ke case par lag gaya hai. he is taking it personally now, vo samajh hi nahi raha hai ki ish mein ushki jaan ko khatra hai, mujhe dar lag raha hai” —– dipti ne kaha
“dipti lagta hai vo ziddi hai. tum bas ushe ye samjaao ki apna khyaal rakhe. Mujhe nahi lagta ki ushe samjhaane ka koyi faayda hoga. Aur tum daro mat ab to vo bilkul theek hai, hai na”
“kaha theek hai, ladkhada kar chalta hai abhi bhi, par chalo, ab mai chalti hun, mujhe office ke liye bhi taiyaar hona hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“ohh… mai bhi late ho rahi hun, bye phir fursat mein baat karenge” — maine kaha
maine jaldi se fresh ho kar breakfast kiya aur office ke liye taiyaar ho gayi. par har pal mere man mein dipti ki kahi baatein ghum rahi thi.
maine khidki se baahar jhaank kar dekha, vaha koyi nahi tha. maine socha ki shaayad billu thodi der mein aane wala hoga.
Theek 9 baje sidharth ne door bell bajaayi.
Jaise hi maine darvaaja khola ushne pucha, “ baahar sadak par to koyi nahi hai, ye diary tumhari koyi fiction story to nahi hai”
Nahi sidharth billu roj subah sadak par khada milta hai. aaj shaayad vo nahi aaya. Phir maine sidharth ko subah waali baat bata di. Maine ushe vo sab kuch bata diya jo ki dipti ne mujhe bataaya tha.
“hmm…..very sad… but still, billu is a criminal” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Haan mein bhi yahi sochti hun” —- maine kaha
jaise hi mai apne ghar se sidharth ke saath nikli meri aankhe charo taraf billu ko hi dhund rahi thi. mai ush se milna to nahi chaahti thi, haan par ye jaroor soch rahi thi ki aakhir vo aaj yaha kyon nahi aaya.
“Billu ko hi dhund rahi ho, hai na” ? —- sidharth ne emotional tone mein pucha
Maine ushki aur dekha aur boli, “mai hairaan hun ki aaj vo kyo nahi aaya”
“Acha hi to hai, ush se ab tumhe kya matlab, bhaad mein jaaye vo” —- sidharth ne thoda gusse mein kaha
mein samajh gayi ki sidharth ko hurt huva hai. mai chupchaap ushki car mein baith gayi aur yaha vaha dekhna band kar diya.
kitni ajeeb baat hai, kayi baar hum aisi harkate kar jaate hai ki hamein bhi nahi pata chalta ki hum kyo kar rahe hai. dar-asal subah dipti se baat karne ke baad mai billu se ek baar milna chaahti thi. yahi kaaran tha ki mai subah ushe sadak par na paa kar hairaan ho rahi thi. sidharth ko ye baat buri lagni hi thi. vo mujhe pyar jo karta hai.
saara din office mein bada hi mushkil beeta. Man kar raha tha ki abhi ghar chali jaaun, billu jaroor mere flat ke aas paas hi hoga. Ek ek pal mera badi mushkil se beet raha tha. kavita ka chehra bhi baar baar mere man mein ghum raha tha. mai ye bhi soch rahi thi ki agar billu itna nek hai to mere saath itni ghinoni harkat kyo ki ushne. Jo bhi ho, mai ek baar billu se milna chaahti thi.
maine lunch time mein apne office ke baahar bhi dekha, par vo vaha bhi nazar nahi aaya. Maine socha ki ho sakta hai vo delhi chala gaya ho. Phir khyaal aaya ki shaam ko ghar jaate vakt vo jaroor sadak par mil jaayega.
Ishi udhedbun mein mera har pal beet raha tha.
5:30 baje mein jhat se sabhi kaam nipta kar ghar ke liye nikal padi. Bahut bechan thi mai ghar pahunchane ke liye.
mera ghar aa gaya par billu kahi nazar nahi aa raha tha. maine car se utar kar charo aur nazar daudaayi par dur dur tak mujhe billu ki parchaayi tak nahi deekhi. Maine man hi man socha kaha chala gaya aaj vo ?
driver ne pucha, “madam kishi ko dhund rahe ho kya:”
“nahi tum jao aur kal time par aa jaana” —- maine driver se kaha.
Mai teji se apne flat ki taraf chal padi. Chalte chalte soch rahi thi ki jaroor billu ne aaj bhi koyi chit chhodi hogi
Par aaj koyi chit nahi thi
“Billu kaha gaya, kya vo vaapas delhi chala gaya, vaise vo kah to raha tha ki meri financial position theek nahi hai, mai yaha jyada der nahi tahar sakta” ——- Yahi sab mere deemag mein ghum raha tha.
Phir mujhe khyaal aaya ki gate way of India par jaakar dekhti hun, vo jaroor vahi hoga.
Sidharth ne mujhe bataaya tha ki gate way of India tumhaare ghar se walking distance par hai
Maine jhat se ghar ko lock kiya aur paidal hi logo se puchte puchte gate way of India ki taraf chal padi.
Aur jaisa ki mujhe lag raha tha, billu mujhe vahi mila. vo gate way of India ke paas jo samunder ke charo aur deevar bani hai ush se sat kar khada tha.
Ushka chehra samunder ki aur tha aur aisa lag raha tha jaise ki vo gahre vichaaro mein khoya hai.
Mai ushke karib aa gayi. par vo jaise ek murti ki tarah khada tha aur ek tak samunder ko dekhe ja raha tha. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki ushe hosh hi nahi hai ki ushke aas paas kya ho raha hai.
Mai bilkul ushke peeche khadi thi. samajh nahi pa rahi thi ki ushe kaise bulaaun.
“Billu, kavita ke baarein mein shun kar dukh huva” —- maine dheere se kaha.
Par billu ke sharir mein koyi harkat nahi huyi. Vo vaise hi murti ki tarah vaha khada raha
Maine ushke kandhe par haath rakha aur kaha, “billu mujhe kavita ke liye dukh hai”
Vo dheere se meri aur ghuma aur maine ushki aankho mein aanshu dekhe. Yakin hi nahi ho raha tha ki billu ro bhi sakta hai. ushki aankho mein aanshu dekh kar meri aankhe bhi nam ho gayi.
Vo mere gale lag gaya aur phoot phoot kar rone laga aur bola, “ pata nahi kaha gaayab kar diya meri didi ko kamino ne ritu”
Mai bhi bhaavuk ho gayi. maine ushe rokne ki koshis nahi ki. billu aaj ek bacha lag raha tha. mai soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki vo ish tarah ro sakta hai.
Mai ushe chaah kar bhi apne sheene se nahi hata paayi. Charo aur log hamein hi dekh rahe the. Tabhi maine dur se sidharth ko aate dekha. Mai sidharth ko dekh kar hadbada gayi. soch rahi thi ki pata nahi vo kya sochega mujhe billu ke saath aisi haalat mein dekh kar.

[hirarandi]

Maine billu se kaha, billu bas hat jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hai
Maine ushke kandho ko pakda aur ushe dur hataane ki koshis ki par tabhi vo mere haath se chhut kar jamin par gir gaya.
“Billu utho….. kya ho gaya tumhe” —- maine billu ko hilaate huve kaha
Tabhi sidharth bhi vaha aa gaya.
“Kya huva ishe ritu” —- sidharth ne pucha
pata nahi sidharth abhi mere gale lag kar bahut ro raha tha, achaanak neeche gir gaya
“ohh ye behosh ho gaya hai. ishe hospital ley chaltey hai, hato mai ishe uthaata hun” —- sidharth ne mujhe billu ke upar se hataate huve kaha.
Sidharth ne billu ko apne dauno haato mein utha liya aur utha kar apni car ki taraf chal diya aur bola, “jaldi chalo ritu sochne ka vakt nahi hai, pata nahi ishe kya huva hai”
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya ho raha hai. par ye sach tha ki mai billu ke liye bahut pareshaan thi. aisa kyon tha. ishka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai.
Sidharth ne billu ko car ki peechli sheet par leta diya aur hum dauno aage baith gaye.
“Kya kah raha tha billu” — sidharth ne pucha
“kuch nahi ushne bas ek hi baat kahi ki ‘pata nahi kaha gaayab kar diya meri didi ko kamino ne ritu’ aur phir phoot phoot kar rone laga” — maine sidharth se kaha
“hmm…… lagta hai kisi gahre shock mein hai vo” — sidharth ne kaha
“haan hoga hi sidharth, ushki didi gaayab hai 2 saal se” —- maine kaha
jaldi hi sidharth ne car ek clinic ke baahar rok di.
Sidharth ne jhat se billu ko car se baahar nikaala aur ushe utha kar seedha clinic mein ghuss gaya.
Pata nahi sidharth ye sab kyo kar raha tha. par itna jaroor tha ki ish se ye baat saabit ho rahi thi ki sidharth bahut acha inshaan hai. kyonki vo ush ladke ki madad kar raha tha jishke kaaran vo subah hurt huva tha.
Doctor ne billu ko glucose chadhaya aur check karne ke baad kaha.
“Lagta hai koyi bahut gahra mental shock laga hai ishe. Par ishe khaana to theek se khilaaya karo aap log. Lagta hai 2-3 din se ishne kuch nahi khaaya hai” —- doctor ne kaha
maine man hi man mein socha “ohh god kya billu ki financial position itni khraab thi ki ushke paas khaane tak ko paise nahi the”. aur meri aankho mein aanshu bhar aaye. kaisi ajeeb baat ho rahi thi. mai ush billu ke liye aanshu baha rahi thi jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. jeendagi bhi ajeeb khel khelti hai.
Chapter 4 part 3
Aisa nahi tha ki billu se meri naraazgi dur ho gayi thi, aur na hi aisa tha ki maine ushe maaf kar diya tha, par phir bhi ek inshaan hone ke naate mai billu ke liye pareshaan thi.chaahe ushne mujhe barbaad kiya ho par phir bhi ushka mujh se koyi na koyi sambandh to tha hi.
Billu ko thodi hi der mein hosh aa gaya. Vo hadbada kar ek dam se uth gaya aur bola, “mai kaha hun”
Mai vahi ushke karib hi thi, sidharth bhi mere saath hi khada tha.
Maine kaha, “billu tum behosh ho gaye the, abhi tum clinic mein ho, chinta mat karo sab theek hai”
“Kuch theek nahi hai ritu, mujhe tumse akele mein baat karni hai” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
Sidharth ne meri aur dekha aur maine ushe aankho hi aankho mein vaha se baahar jaane ki request ki.
Sidharth mera ishaara samajh gaya, aur baahar chala gaya. Bahut hi ajeeb pal tha vo mere liye. soch rahi thi ki kahi sidharth ko bura na feel ho ki mai billu se baat kyo karna chaahti hun. par pata nahi kyo mai billu ki baat shun-na chaahti thi
sidharth ke jaane ke baad billu bola, “
baith jao ritu”
pehle tum kuch khaa lo billu doctor kah raha tha ki tumne 2-3 din se kuch nahi khaaya, kya tumhaari financial position itni khraab hai
meri baat shun kar vo thodi der tak meri aur dekhta raha, jaise ki mere chehre par kuch padh raha ho.
Maine ushe dhyaan se dekha to paya ki ushki aankhe nam thi. vo nam aankhe liye mujhe dekhe ja raha tha.
Vo bola, “kya tumhe meri chinta ho rahi hai ritu, aisa mat karo mai ish laayak nahi hun”
“Nahi aisi baat nahi hai, doctor kah raha tha ki tumne kuch dino se kuch nahi khaaya ishliye kah rahi thi” —- maine kaha
“financial position itni bhi kharab nahi hai. kal jab tumne mandir ke baahar mujhe yaha se dafa ho jaane ko kaha to meri umeed tut gayi. lag raha tha ki tumse mile bina hi yaha se jaana padega. ishliye kal mera kuch khaane ka man nahi huva. Aur aaj ishliye nahi kha paya kyonki aaj meri didi kavita ka birthday hai aur mujhe kuch nahi pata ki vo kaha hai, kish haal mein hai, ish duniya mein hai bhi ya nahi. aisi haalat mein koyi kaise khaana khaayega ritu. Mai ek bhai ka farz neebhaane mein naakaam raha hun.” —- billu ne emotinal ho kar kaha.
“Billu mai samajh rahi hun, pehle tum khaana kha lo phir baat karenge, mai tumhaari baat shun-ne key liye taiyaar hun” —– maine kaha
“nahi ritu tumhe sab kuch bataaye bina ek nivaala bhi mere muh se nahi utrega, pehle meri baat shun lo, khaana peena to hota rahega” —— billu meri aur dekh kar bola
“Chalo theek hai, shunaao mai shun rahi hun” — maine kaha
“pehle ye bataao kaisi ho tum” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha
“kaisi lag rahi hun billu………….. bas jee rahi hun, varna to ab bacha hi kya hai” —- maine bhavuk ho kar kaha.
“Samajh sakta hun, peechle 2 saal se meri bhi yahi haalat hai” ——- billu ne kaha
“ishliye tumne meri bhi yahi haalat kar di”
? —– maine pucha
“haalaat hi kuch aise the ritu, varna aaj tak maine kisi ko nukshaan nahi pahunchaaya, shuno mai tumhe puri baat deatail mein bataata hun.” —– billu ne kaha
maine kaha, “haan shunaao mai jaan-na chaahti hun ki meri barbaadi ka kya kaaran hai”
billu ke shabdo mein :—–
ritu, meri didi kavita mere liye sab kuch thi. mere parents koyi 10 saal pehle ek accident mein maare gaye the. Ushke baad meri didi kavita ne hi mujhe paal posh kar itna bada kiya hai. vo koyi tumse 3 saal badi hongi.
didi ne jab 2005 mein faridabad mein sanjay ke clinic mein join kiya tha to vo kaafi khus thi. Par mein unke saath faridabad nahi aa sakta tha. tab mai b.com second year mein tha. ishliye delhi mein hi rahta tha. par kabhi kabhi didi se milne aa jata tha.
sab kuch acha chal raha tha. mai didi ke liye koyi ladka dhund raha tha. vaise vo hamesha kahti thi ki tum chinta mat karo apni padhaayi par dhyaan do, mai khud sab kuch sambhaal lungi. Par mai ye ache se jaanta tha ki unhe mere kaaran apni shaadi ki chinta nahi hai.
khair maine didi ke liye ek ladka dhund hi liya. ladka sarif tha aur ushke ghar vaalo ki koyi demand bhi nahi thi. hamaari haalat vaise bhi aisi nahi thi ki jyada dahej de saken. ladka settle tha, aur bank mein P.O tha.
maine 2-02-2007 ki subah ko didi ko phone karke bataaya ki aap chhuti ley kar delhi aa jao, maine ek ladka pasand kiya hai, ladke vaale aapko dekhna chaahte hai.
pehle to unhone mujhe daanta ki apni padhaayi chhod kar bekaar ke kaam mein kyon lage ho, par phir vo delhi aane ke liye maan gayi aur mujhe kaha, “ lagta hai, ab tum badey ho gaye ho”
ye bol mujhe abhi tak yaad hai kyonki ushke baad aaj tak mai didi ki awaaj ke liye taras raha hun. har pal lagta hai ki abhi phone bajega, abhi koyi aahat hogi aur didi mujhe kahegi, “billu tum padhaayi kyon nahi kar rahe”
3-2-07…ko mai sara din bechain raha. subah se dopahar huyi aur dopahar se shaam, ladke wale bahut der tak baith kar chale gaye. Jaate jaate kah gaye, “koyi baat nahi beta, hum phir kabhi aa jaayenge”
mai didi ka mobile no. try kar-kar ke thak gaya. Har baar unka mobile switched off aa raha tha.mujhe lag raha tha ki kuch na kuch gadbad hai, varna didi kabhi apna mobile off nahi rakhti hai.
shaam ke koyi 6 baje maine faridabad jaane ka faisala kiya. Ek ghanta to delhi ke ISBT pahunchne mein hi lag gaya. Mai koyi 9 baje faridabad pahunch gaya aur seedha vaha pahunch gaya jaha didi paying guest thi. par vaha mujhe lock mila. maine aas paas ke logo se pucha to unhone bataaya ki unhone kal se kavita ko nahi dekha. Ek lady ne ye bhi bataaya ki kal se vo vaha aayi hi nahi thi.
phir maine didi ke clinic matlab ki sanjay ke clinic jaane ka faisala kiya.
Clinic pahunch kar maine sanjay se pucha, “doctor meri sister kavita kaha hai” ?
Ushne mujhe ghur kar dekha aur bola, “vo to yaha se kaam chhod kar chali gayi, mujhe nahi pata vo kaha hai”
Ye shun kar mai hairaan rah gaya. Mai soch raha tha ki, didi ne to aisa kuch nahi bataaya, abhi kal hi to unse meri baat huyi thi.
Mai mayusi bhara chehra lekar clinic se baahar aa gaya.
Tabhi mujhe yaad aaya ki didi aksar kishi veena joseph ke baare mein baat karti thi. veena joseph ne didi ko nursing field mein kaafi practical tips di thi.
Mai phir se clinic mein ghuss gaya aur ek nurse se pucha “kya aap veena joseph ko jaanti hai” ?
Ushne mujhe haath se ishaara kiya ki vo saamne veena joseph hi khadi hai.
Mai veena joseph ke paas gaya aur unse pucha ki meri didi kavita kaha hai.
Unhone mujhe dheere se kaha ki clinic ke baahar wait karo mein baahar aati hun.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki vo aisa kyo kah rahi hai
Mai clinic ke baahar aa gaya aur thodi der mein veena joseph bhi aa gayi. rah rah kar mujhe didi ki chinta ho rahi thi. yahi soch raha tha ki aakhir vo kaha hai.
Veena joseph ne mujhe bataaya, “beta kal kavita shaam ko sanjay ke cabin mein gayi thi. kah rahi thi ki ek din ki chuti maangne jaa rahi hun. par jab vo baahar nikli to ushki aankho mein aanshu the. vo bina kisi se kuch kahe clinic se nikal gayi. Ushke peeche peeche maine sanjay ke dost vivek ko jaate dekha. Bas itna hi mujhe pata hai. aaj vo clinic nahi aayi. Maine doctor se pucha to unhonr mujhe yahi bataaya ki vo kaam chhod kar chali gayi. vaise kavita yaha kuch dino se pareshaan thi. ye vivek aksar ushke saath ched-chad karta tha. kayi baar maine khud apni aankho se ushe kavita ko chedte dekha hai. par kal jaroor kuch jyada huva hoga, ishliye ushki aankho mein aanshu the.
Ye shun kar mera dil baith gaya, mai soch bhi nahi sakta tha ki didi ke saath aisa hoga
Maine pucha, “kya jab kavita baahar aayi thi, tab doctor sanjay bhi ander the”
Veena joseph ne bataaya, “ haan dr. sanjay ander hi the”
Ye sunte hi meri rago mein khun daud gaya. Mai bhaag kar sanjay ke cabin mein ghuss gaya aur ushe itna maara ki ushke muh se khun nikalne laga. par tabhi na jaane kaha se vivek bhi vaha aa gaya aur dauno ne mujhe kaabu kar liya. mai phir bhi unhe sambhaal leta par vivek ke paas pistol thi.
“Kaun hai ye sanjay” — vivek ne pucha.
“Ye kavita ka bhai hai vivek, tu ish par nishaana laga kar rakh mai ishe bataata hun ki kaise kishi ko maara jaata hai” ——- sanjay ne vivek se kaha
sanjay ne mere pet mein, muh par… har taraf ghusson ki bochar kar di
mai gir gaya, kya karta vaise bhi vivek ne mere upar bandook taan rakhi thi
“ohh haan yaad aaya mera mobile kaha hai, ishe aisi maut dunga ki tadap tadap kar marega saala haraami, mujh par haath uthaayega” —- sanjay ne kaha
sanjay ne meri aankho ke aage apna mobile kiya. ushme ek movie clip chal rahi thi.
pata hai ritu ush clip mein kya tha.
billu thodi der chup ho gaya aur maine dekha ki vo ro raha hai.
maine pucha “kya tha billu bataao mai shun rahi hun”
meri didi ro rahi thi aur rote-rote jor jor se cheella rahi thi aur vivek ushke saath ** kar raha tha. mujh se dekha nahi gaya maine apni aankhe band kar li. Par tabhi mere sar par sanjay ne kursi de maari aur mai jamin par gir gaya.
Tab sanjay ne mere sar ke baal pakad kar kheenche aur apne mobile ko meri aankho ke saamne ley aaya aur bola, “dekh saale kya hot maal hai teri bahan, kya maje se cheella cheella kar de rahi hai”
Meri didi ro rahi thi, aur vivek ushke saath…..
“Bas billu….. bas karo, mai aur nahi shun paaungi” —- maine apne kaano par haath rakh kar kaha.
Ritu meri didi ke saath koyi 4 log ** kar rahe the aur mujhe jabardasti sab kuch dekhaaya gaya. Sanjay aur vivek ko to mai jaanta hun, baaki ke 2 logo ka mujhe nahi pata ki vo kaun the. Aur pata hai jagah kaun si thi.
“Kaun si billu” —– maine pucha.
“Tumhaara bedroom ritu, vahi bedroom jaha ush din mein tumhe apni baahon mein utha kar ley gaya tha. tumhaara bedroom dekhte hi mai pehchaan gaya tha ki ye vahi mobile clip wali jagah hai” — billu ne kaha

[hirarandi]

maine kaha “oh yaad aaya un dino mai shaayad apne maayke mein thi, matlab ki delhi mein thi, par kya sanjay ne bhi…”
“kah to raha hun, vaha 4 log the sanjay unme se ek tha” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Oh god….. mujhe vishwaas nahi hota” —- maine kaha
“Yehi vo vajah thi jishke kaaran maine ush din sanjay ko vaha khidki par bulaaya aur apne peeche ashok aur raju ko khada kar liya. ashok aur raju tumhaare liye vaha nahi the ritu, vo sanjay ko deekhaane ke liye the. Mai ushe deekhaana chaahta tha ki dekho kaisa lagta hai kisi apne ko aisi haalat mein dekh kar” —- billu ne kaha
“Par kya tumhe meri koyi chinta nahi thi, tumne ek pal ko bhi nahi socha ki mera kya hoga” — maine billu ki aur dekh kar pucha
“Ritu mai to ush din ko taalna chaahta tha. tumhe yaad hoga maine tumhe kaha tha ki tum sanjay ko sab kuch bata dau, yaad hai na tumhe, maine kaha tha na. ” billu ne pucha
“Haan yaad hai, par tumhe mujhe ashok ke aage fenkne ki kya jaroorat thi” —- maine pucha
billu continue….
mai bas sanjay ko barbaad karna chaahta tha aur chaahta tha ki ushki biwi ke charitra ko chalni chalni kar dun.
Par baad mein mujhe apni galti ka ahsaash huva. shaayad mujhe tumse pyar hone laga tha.
ishliye maine ush cycle wale ko maara tha. mai bilkul bardast nahi kar paaya ki ush cycle wale ne tumhe bus mein cheda hai. ush vakt mujhe pehli baar ahsaash huva tha ki mai tumse pyar karta hun.
par badle ki aag tab tak pyar par haavi thi. ishliye pyar itna ubhar nahi paya.
ashok ne kayi baar baad mein mujhe kaha ki ritu ko ek baar phir ley aao, par maine ushe saaf mana kar diya tha ki mere alawa ushe koyi nahi chooyega. Aur ushe ye bhi kah diya tha ki tumne agar aisa socha bhi to tumhe jaan se maar dunga. Aisa asar huva tha tumhaara mujh par.
Par ush din sanjay ko deekhaane ke liye jaroor ashok aur raju ko peeche khada kiya tha. mere liye bhi vo pal mushkil tha. mai tumhe dukh nahi dena chaahta tha. par badle ki aag mein mai sab kuch kar gaya”
Par aaj sochta hun ki mujhe kya mila ?
Mujhe kuch nahi mila ritu, meri didi aaj bhi gaayab hai aur aaj mai tumhaara gunahgaar ban gaya hun.
Ush din mai vahi sanjay ke cabin mein hi mar jaata to acha hota. Par kishi tarah se mai bach gaya.
Ush vakt sanjay se koyi milne aa gaya tha.
kishi nurse ne baahar se awaaj lagaayi, “doctor aapse shukla ji milne aaye hai”
sanjay aur vivek ka dhyaan mere upar se hat gaya aur mai moka dekh kar cabin ki khidki se kud gaya.
Par maine jo ush mobile mein clip dekhi thi vo aaj bhi mere deemag mein ghum rahi hai.
Apni didi ko aakhri baar dekha bhi to kaha dekha, ek mobile ki clip mein, unka ** hote huve.
Maine security officer mein report ki, sab kuch kiya jo mere bas mein tha, par aaj tak meri didi ka kuch nahi pata ritu, kuch nahi pata. Pata nahi ** karne ke baad unhone meri didi ke saath kya kiya. Ab mujhe lagne laga hai ki meri didi ish duniya mein nahi hai. mai ab yahi sochta hun ki vo log kam se kam meri didi ko jeenda to chhod dete. Kishi se bhi jeene ka adhikaar yu hi nahi cheen lena chaahiye.
…………
Sach mein billu ne jo mujhe bataaya ushe shun kar mere rongte khade ho gaye. Kya biti hogi beechari kavita par mai soch bhi nahi sakti. acha kiya maine jo ush din vivek ko goli maar di.
Sabse jyada hairaan mein sanjay ke baare mein shun kar thi.
Mere man par bojh tha ki maine sanjay ko dhoka diya hai, aaj ye bojh mere man se hat gaya.
“Ritu kya soch rahi ho” —- billu ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi billu kya sochun ab, tumne vo kiya jo tumhe theek laga, par barbaadi to dauno taraf ek aurat ki hi huyi. Udhar kavita barbaad huyi…. idhar mai…… ye kaisa khel hai” ? —– maine billu ki aur dekh kar kaha.
Billu ne apne haath se glucose hata diya aur bed se utar kar mere kadmo mein baith gaya.
“Ritu mai apni galti maanta hun, ishliye sab kuch bhula kar mumbai aaya hun. mujhe ab ye bhi yaad nahi hai ki mujhe kishi se badla lena hai. mai thak chuka hun. mujhe aaj bas ek baat yaad hai, aur vo ye hai ki “mai tumhe pyar karta hun” ——– billu ne mere haatho ko thaam kar kaha.
“Pyaar kya hota hai, tumhe ishka matlab bhi pata hai billu” —– maine pucha
“mujhe nahi pata, mujhe bas ek ahsaash hai ki mai tumhaare bina nahi rah sakta. Tumhaare sharir ko paa kar mein tumhaari aatma tak pahunch gaya hun. aur pata hai maine kya paya hai vaha pahunch kar” ? —- billu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar pucha
Maine pucha, “kya billu” ?
“Maine paya hai ki jeetna shunder tumhaara sharir hai, ush se bhi kahi shunder tumhaara man hai” — billu ne kaha
“rahne do billu mujhe mere ander andhera nazar aata hai aur tumhe vaha shundarta deekh rahi hai” — maine kaha
“jo maine dekha hai bata raha hun, aur ye sach hai” — billu ne kaha
“mai havash mein andhi ho kar tumhaare saath kho gayi thi, ushe tum sundarta kahte ho, vo meri sabse badi bhool thi” —– maine billu se kaha
“ritu tumhaare saath jo maine kiya vo koyi maamuli seduction nahi tha. that was in a way extreme form of seduction. Maine tumhe bahakne par majboor kiya tha, aur aaj bhi kar sakta hun. par aaj baat pyar ki hai. mai mumbai tumhe paane aaya hun. apni didi ko to maine kho diya, par tumhe mai nahi khona chaahta” —- billu ne kaha
Maine gusse mein pucha “Ye kya bakwaas hai billu, tum ye sab soch bhi kaise sakte ho, mai soch rahi thi ki tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai”
“Meri galti ye thi ki maine tumhe ashok ke paas bhej diya. ushi ke liye mai sharminda hun. par mujhe lagta hai, ushke baad jo bhi maine kiya ush mein mera pyar tha ritu. Maine bahut gahraayi se pyar kiya hai tumhe. Mere har sexual act mein pyar tha. bahut pyar se choosta tha mai tumhaari yoni ko. Jaise koyi bhagvaan ki puja karta ho. Vaise purane jamaane mein to yoni ki puja hoti hi thi. maine apne honto se tumhari yoni ko puja hai ritu. That was nothing but simple love. Jab mai tumhe pyar karta tha to bas tum mein kho jaata tha. Tum yu hi mere saath nahi bahak jaati thi. mera pyar tumhe bahkaata tha. Varna tum khud socho tum kyon ush din khud apne ghar ke peeche chali aayi thi. vo bhi mujhse bhi pehle. Maine tumhe dub kar pyar kiya hai ritu. Vo sab pyar hi tha. varna aaj mai yaha nahi hota. Ish baat ka ahsaash mujhe ab huva hai, tumhe bhi jaldi hoga” billu ne kaha
“Mere saare ahsaash khatam ho chuke hai billu, mere ander ab bas andhera hai, vo adhera jo tumne bhara hai. aisi baate karke tum phir se ushi raste par ja rahe ho” —– maine kaha
“Nahi ritu ye vo rasta bilkul nahi hai. vo rasta havash ka tha, ye rasta pyar ka hai, aaj mujhe tumse pyar hai aur der saber ye baat tumhe bhi feel hogi ki tum bhi mujhe pyar karti ho. Hum daono jud chuke hai ritu, hum ander tak jude hai. varna aaj tum gate way of India par nahi aati. Apne dil se pucho kya tum mere liye bechan ho kar vaha nahi aayi thi” — billu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha
“Ishliye aayi thi ki aaj mujhe pata chala tha ki tumhaari sister gaayab hai, ishliye nahi aayi thi ki mujhe tumse pyar hai” —- maine thoda gusse mein kaha
“pyar apna hint deta hai ritu, pyar situation create karta. Ye aap par hai ki aap ushke hint ko pehchaane. tum samajhti kyon nahi. pata hai mai behosh kyon huva tha” ? —– billu ne pucha
“kyon…. ab ye bhi bata do” —- maine pucha
“mujhe vishwaas hi nahi huva ki tum aa gayi, ishliye jab tumne mujhe peeche se awaaj di mai samajh nahi paaya ki kya karun. Aur jab tumhaare muh se apni didi ka naam shuna to khud ko sambhaalna mushkil ho gaya. Mai itna khus tha ki rone laga aur tumhaare gale lag kar behosh ho gaya. Ritu we are made for each other. Tum bas meri ho ritu…..bas meri” —– billu ne kaha
Mujh se ye sab shun-na mushkil huva ja raha tha. mai vaha se khadi ho gayi aur baahar jaane lagi.
Billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj di “ tum kuch bhi kar lo ritu tum mujhe kabhi nahi bhula paaogi. Jaise mai tumhaare liye tadap raha hun tum bhi mere liye tadpogi”
Mai vaapas billu ke paas aayi aur ushe kaha, “billu vo din kabhi nahi aayega jish din mai tumhaare liye tadpun. Aaj mai bas kavita ke kaaran tumse milne aayi thi. mujhe ye bhi dukh tha ki tum 2-3 din se bhuke ho, par ab lag raha hai ki tum bilkul nahi sudhre”
“Mai tumhaare kaaran hi bhuka tha ritu, aur mai ab vo nahi hun jo tum samajh rahi ho. Aaj mai tumse pyar maang raha hun. pehle tumhaara sharir maangta tha. par tum dekh lena jaise maine tumhaara sharir paaya hai… vaise hi tumhaara pyar bhi paaunga. Ab tumhaara pyar hi meri jeendagi ka maksad hai ritu. Apni didi ko kho chuka hun, tumhe nahi kho sakta” —– billu ne kaha
“Billu meri baat dhyaan se shuno aur yaha se chale jao, jo tum soch rahe ho vo kabhi nahi hoga” —- maine baahar jaate huve kaha.
“Ritu ek minut” — billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj di.
Mai ruk gayi aur boli, “kya hai billu.. ab tum had se aage badh rahe ho”
Vo mere paas aa gaya aur bola, “ ritu thank you very much. Aaj tum aayi. Tumhe sab kuch bata kar man halka ho gaya. Par aaj maine tumhaari aankho mein apne liye pyar dekha hai. mujhe yakin hai ki ek din tum bhi ye pyar dekh paaogi. Mujhe pura yakin hai”
“Jish din mujhe tumse pyaar hoga vo meri jeendagi ka aakhri din hoga billu. mai tumhe maaf kar sakti hun, par apne aap ko kabhi nahi. mai vo ahsaash dubaara jeendagi mein kabhi nahi aane dungi. vo paap tha aur paap ko tum aaj pyar nahi kah sakte” —– maine kaha aur mud kar kamre se baahar ki aur chal di.
“Vo paap jab mere liye pyar ban gaya to tum bhi nahi bach paaogi ritu. Dekhna ek din tum khud meri baahon mein aaogi. Mera pyaar tumhe kheench laayega. Mai ab yahin mumbai mein hi rahunga ritu, jab tak mujhe umeed hai tumhe paane ki mai yahi rahunga. Ho sakta hai mai kabhi kaamyaab na ho paaun. Par tumhaare liye kuch bhi kar sakta hun” —- billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj laga kar kaha
mai kamre se baahar aa gayi
sidharth kahin nahi deekh raha tha.
tabhi billu bhi baahar aa gaya aur ek nurse se bola, “please bill bana deejiye, mai ja raha hun. mujhe mere pyar ko paana hai”
“theek hai bana deti hun, wait a minut” —– nurse ne billu se kaha.
Mai vaha se aage badh gayi
Tabhi sidharth aata huva deekhayi diya.
“Kaha chale gaye the tum sidharth” —- maine pucha
“bas yu hi thoda tahal raha tha, kaisa hai billu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha
“Vo theek hai, balki kuch jyada hi theek hai, chalo chalte hai” —- maine kaha.
“Hmm… chalo… mujhe koyi problem nahi hai, vaise kya baat ki ushne” —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi bas bata raha tha ki kyon vo mere peeche pada tha” —- maine kaha……. aur sidharth ko kavita ki kahaani shuna di.
“Oh very sad, par itni der tak yahi baate chal rahi thi kya” —– sidharth ne pucha.
“haan yahi sab aur kuch bekaar ki baate, chhodo unse hamein koyi lena dena nahi hai” —– maine kaha.

[hirarandi]

aur ish tarah ish din ka ant huva. Subah se lekar shaam tak kuch na kuch hota raha.
ab billu pyar ki baat kar raha hai. mujhe nahi lagta ki mai ushe dubaara dekhna bhi chaahungi. Ush se pyar to dur ki baat hai. billu se pyar mere liye zahar ke samaan hoga. Ye zahar mai kabhi nahi khaaungi.
Date : 11-02-09
Billu ne jo kuch bhi clinic mein kaha ushe mere liye hazam karna mushkil hai. aisa lagta hai ki vo apne ushi puraane roop mein aa gaya hai. bahut confident ho kar ushne kaha tha ki tumhe aaj bhi seduce kar sakta hun. pata nahi vo khud ko kya samajhta hai.
Par aaj mai jaanti hun ki vo kaun hai. par vo nahi jaanta ki aaj mai vo ritu nahi hun, jo ushki baato mein aa kar bahak jaati thi. bahut gahri chot khaayi hai maine billu ke saath bahak kar. Ye aisi chot thi ki ab mere saare ahsaash hi mar chuke hai. ek aurat hone ka gorav main kho chuki hun. sex naam se mujhe nafrat ho gayi hai. ab mujhe pyar ka bhi ahsaash nahi hota. Tabhi to mai sidharth ke pyar ka jawaab pyar se nahi de pa rahi hun. ishliye mujhe nahi lagta ki main sidharth se shaadi kar ke ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi. Acha yahi hai ki apni baaki ki jeendagi ka safar mai akele hi taiy karun.
Vaise bhi mere paas chintoo hai, ush ke saath baaki ki jeendagi kat jaayegi.
Lekin ek baat mere man mein aa rahi hai. kahin billu apni sister kavita ke ** ki jhuti kahaani to nahi bana raha. ushne shuru se mere saath makkaari ki hai. kahin vo phir se to koyi khel nahi khel raha. jaisa ushka clinic mein behaviour tha ush se to yahi lagta hai ki vo bilkul nahi badla. Pehle seduction kar raha tha ab pyar hai, kya majaak hai ye. Ushki baato mein kishi saajish ki bu aa rahi hai.
Khair ab mai ushe ache se jaanti hun ki vo kya hai, ab mein dubaara dhoka nahi khaaungi.
Date : 11-02-09
Shaam ke 8 baje hai, abhi abhi sidharth yaha se gaya hai.
Aaj maine sidharth ko ye baat saaf kar di ki mai ush se hargeez shaadi nahi kar sakti.
“Kyon ritu kya baat hai, kya tum ab mujhe jara bhi pyar nahi karti” —- sidharth ne pucha.
Maine kaha, “sidharth I respect you a lot, but I can’t marry you. Kyonki mujhe nahi lagta ki mai ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi. Meri aatma tak andhera bhara hai. please meri baat samajhne ki koshish karo. Hum ache dost ban kar rah sakte hai”
“Ritu kab tak yahi baate karti rahogi. Maine kaha to tha ki wait karte hai. jab tumhaara man hoga tabhi shaadi karenge. Ab kya ho gaya. Mai shaadi tumhi se karunga, chaahe tum kuch kar lo” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Phir mujhe dukh hai sidharth hum dost bhi nahi rah paayenge. Mujh par ye fainsala mat thopo. Mai tum se hi nahi balki kishi se bhi shaadi nahi karna chaahti. Mai bas apne bete ke liye jee rahi hun, varna main kab ki mar chuki hoti. Ab tum jao, hum baad mein baat karenge. Tum meri haalat nahi samajh sakte” —- maine kaha
“ok… ok ritu theek hai, mai ab dubaara shaadi ki baat nahi karunga. theek hai hum dost ban kar rahte hai. ab khus” —- sidharth ne mushkuraate huve kaha.
“sidharth baat khusi ki nahi hai, mai nahi samajhti ki mujhe shaadi karni chaahiye. ye mera decision hai. aur mujhe ummeed hai ki tum mere decision ki izzat karoge” —- maine kaha.
“Theek hai ritu jaisa tum chaaho. Mai tumhe pyar karta tha aur karta rahunga”
“kya tumhe vaakayi mein ab tak koyi ladki pasand nahi aayi” — maine pucha.
“Nahi.. kaha na tumhaare jaisi koyi mili hi nahi” — sidharth ne kaha.
“To ab kishi ko dhund lo, kaho to mai kishi ko talaash karun” — maine pucha
“nahi nahi… ye kaam mein khud kar lunga. Mein ye bardaast nahi kar paaunga ki jishe mein pyar karta hun, vo mere liye ladki dhunde” sidharth ne kaha.
Ye kah kar vo chala gaya.
Mere man mein sidharth ke liye agar jara sa bhi pyar ka ahsaash hota to mein kuch sochti bhi. Ishliye maine sidharth ko saaf saaf kahna sahi samjha. Lagta hai vo ab meri baat samajh gaya hai.
………..
Date : 12-02-09
11:30 pm
Aaj maine sidharth jaise ache dost ko kho diya. aaj ushne mere saath vo kiya jo mai sapne mein bhi nahi soch sakti thi.
lagbhag shaam ke 8 baje mere ghar ki bell baji. Maine darvaaja khola to dekha ki sidharth hai. ushe dekhte hi mai samajh gayi ki vo sharaab pee kar aaya hai.
“Ritu darling ander aa jaaun” —- sidharth ne bahki huyi awaaj mein kaha
mujhe nahi pata tha ki sidharth drink karta hai.
“sidharth ye kya haal bana rakha hai, tum ghar jao, baad mein baat karenge” —- maine kaha.
Vo mujhe peeche hata kar ander ghuss gaya aur bola “baad mein nahi… abhi baat karenge”
“Sidharth tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho, please abhi jao, mujhe vaise bhi office ka kuch kaam karna hai” — maine kaha.
“Ritu darling kaam to hota rahega, aaj mai tumse kuch lene aaya hun” —— sidharth ne kaha.
“Kya baat hai sidharth ? tum bahki bahki baate kar rahe ho” —– maine pucha.
“Mujhe bhi tumhaari chut chaahiye ritu, duniya ne ley li, meri baari kab aayegi” —— sidharth ne bahaki huyi awaaj mein kaha
“sidharth ye kya bakwaas kar rahe ho, foran yaha se chale jao, tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho” —– maine jor se gusse mein kaha.
“Dekho to sahi ritu, my cock is also big like billu you will enjoy it” —- sidharth ne apni zip kholte huve kaha.
Maine foran apni aankhe band kar li. mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha tha ki sidharth aisa kar raha hai.
Mai darvaaje ke paas aa gayi aur boli “sidharth jaldi yaha se chale jao, mujhe abhi tumse koyi baat nahi karni”
Sidharth ne aage badh kar darvaaje ki kundi laga li aur mujhe apne haatho mein utha liya.
“Ye kya kar rahe ho sidharth, chhodo mujhe…tumhe kya ho gaya hai” —- maine jor se kaha.
“Mai tumse shaadi karna chaah raha tha aur tumne saaf mana kar diya. arey vo to mai hun jo tumhe aankh meech kar apna raha tha, varna aaj ke din tum par koyi kutta bhi nahi thukega,…..bitch kahin ki” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Oh no….. sidharth please ye sab kya kah rahe ho… please mujhe chhod do. Hum ish baare mein baad mein baat karenge” —– maine gidgidaate huve kaha.
“First I will fuck you hard… you bitch, mere pyar ka majaak udaati ho. Kya hai ush billu mein. Ush din bade pyar se chaaro aur ushe dhund rahi thi. aur shaam ko share aam ushke gale lag kar khadi thi. mere paas ushke jitna bada hai, ley kar dekh, tu ushe bhool jaayegi” —- sidharth ne kaha.
Mai ushke haatho mein chatpata rahi thi.
Vo mujhe bedroom mein ley aaya aur mujhe bed par patak diya.
“Sidharth ye kya ho gaya hai tumhe, please…..hum baad mein araam se baat karenge” —- maine kaha.
“First we will fuck, than we will discuss… ok….., now remove your clothes and spread your legs, I want to fuck you” —– sidharth ne kaha.
Meri majboori ye thi ki mai sidharth par haath nahi uthaana chaahti thi. par jab ushne apni pant neeche sarka di to maine uth kar ek jor daar thappad ushke muh par jad diya.
Par ush par ek thappad ka koyi asar nahi huva.
“You whore,…… mujh par haath uthaati ho, pyar karta tha mai tumse par tumne mujhe kya diya. na pehle shaadi ke liye haan ki aur na ab shaadi key liye maan rahi ho. Ab mai bina shaadi ke hi honeymoon mana kar rahunga. Jab billu kar sakta hai to main kyon nahi” —– sidharth ne kaha.
Bahut hi painfull tha vo vakt mere liye. mujhe phir se jalil hona pad raha tha.
“Ritu dekho araam se cooperate karo. Tum jab billu ke saath itna kuch kar sakti ho to mere saath tumhe kya problem hai, just see my cock and decide” —- sidharth ne apne ling ko haath mein pakad kar kaha.
Maine apni aankhe band kar li. Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki sidharth ko kaise samjhaaun. Vo nashe mein anaap sanaap bake ja raha tha.
“Let me see your pussy now, I want to see why that boy is crazy for you” — sidharth ne kaha.
“Sidharth bas bahut ho gaya, ab chup ho jao aur yaha se chale jao”
sidharth bed par chad gaya aur mujhe jabardasti leta kar mere upar late gaya.
“Bahut nahi huva abhi darling, abhi to saari raat tumhaari chut maarni hai. aaj meri suhaagraat hai. itni jaldi thodi khatam hogi ye raat” — sidharth ne kaha.
Ab paani sar ke upar nikal gaya tha.
Mere bed ke paas meri iron padi thi. maine ushe uthaaya aur sidharth ke sar par de maari. Mujhe bada dukh huve ushe maarte huve par mujhe ye karna pada.
Ushke sar se khun bahne laga aur vo ladkhada kar bed ke paas gir gaya. Mai apne bed par baith gayi aur apni kishmat ko rone lagi. ek paap ki saja mujhe baar baar mil rahi thi. pehle sanjay se mili. Fir vivek se. aur ab sidharth se. upar se vo billu abhi bhi mere peeche pada hai. mai koyi inshaan na ho kar bas ek sharir rah gayi hun.
Mai chupchaap bed par baithi rahi aur meri aankhe rah rah kar chalakti rahi. koyi ek ghante baad sidharth utha aur bola, “ritu….. ohh mai ye kya kar baitha, please mujhe maaf kar do, mai nashe mein tha”
“Sidharth yaha se abhi ke abhi chale jao, mai tumse koyi baat nahi karna chaahti. Tum mein aur vivek mein kya anter rah gaya. Mai tumhaari izzat karti thi. ishliye kishi bhi vakt tumhe ghar aane deti thi. par tum bhi auro ki tarah bas mere sharir ke pyase nikle. Chale jao sidharth…… ab sab kuch khatam ho chuka hai” —– maine sidharth ki aur dekh kar kaha.
“Ohh god mai ye kya kar baitha. Ritu please forgive me. dar-asal mai bardaast nahi kar paaya ki tumne mujhe shaadi ke liye mana kar diya. please forgive me. sab kuch nashe ke kaaran huva hai. hosh mein mai kabhi aisa nahi karta” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Jo bhi hai sidharth…. par tum ander hi ander mere baare mein kya sochte ho vo aaj baahar aa gaya. Abhi tum jao aur aaj ke baad yaha mat aana. I hate you” —- maine gusse mein kaha.
Sidharth chala gaya aur mai darvaaja band karke apne bed par gir gayi.
Saare fasaad ki jad ye billu hi hai. na vo meri jeendagi mein aata aur na mujhe baar baar jaleel hona padta.

[hirarandi]

Date : 13-02-09
aaj bahut bura lag raha hai. jab mai shaam ko office se aayi to mujhe apne darvaaje ke neeche phir se manhush billu ki ek chit mili. Ye chit wala ushne acha tareeka dhund liya hai ??
chit mein leekha hai :——
“meri pyari ritu,
aaj se mumbai mein kaam karna shuru kar diya hai. kaam chota hai par jaldi hi kuch bada bhi karunga. abhi bas ek taxi driver ban paaya hun. mere paas sirf b.com ki degree hai. samajh nahi aata ushka main kya karun. Ishliye ish chote se kaam se shuru kar raha hun. vaise kaam koyi chota nahi hota.bas inshaan ki lagan honi chaahiye. par tum ye mat sochna ki mai kuch aur nahi karunga. mai tumhaare pyar ke liye sab kuch karunga. jab se tumne ush din gate way of India par mujhe gale lagaaya hai. mai tumhaara aur jyada deewana ho gaya hun. mai tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne ko taiyaar hun. Mai tumse shaadi karna chaahta hun ritu. Meri umar tumse choti sahi par mai tumse jyada mature hun. jeendagi ne badi jaldi bahut kuch seekha diya hai. mujhe pura yakin hai ki main ek pati ka farz nibha paaunga. Mujhe bas ek moka do ritu mai ek acha pati ban kar dheekhunga. Jo maine tumhaare saath kiya ushki koyi bhi saja mujhe de do. Chaho to abhi goli maar do. Par agar tumhe mere prati jara bhi pyar mahsush ho to meri baat par dhyaan dena. Mai tumhaare liye kuch bhi karunga. bas mujhe ek moka do. Mujhe apna lo ritu. Mera ab tumhaare shiva koyi nahi hai. tum hi meri jeene ki ummeed ho. aaj se taxi chalaani shuru kar di hai. jaldi hi main kuch aur bhi karunga. taxi sirf yaha thoda paanv jamaane ke liye shuru ki hai. mujhe ummeed hai tum meri baat samjhogi”
pata nahi kya matlab hai ish bakwaas ka. Vo aisa soch bhi kaise sakta hai ki mai ush se shaadi karungi. Ya to vo apni aukaat bhool gaya hai ya fir jyada oversmart ban-ne ki koshish kar raha hai.
Date : 14-02-09
Aaj jab main office se nikli to jhat se billu ne apni taxi mere aage laakar khadi kar di aur bola, “ritu please baith jao, mai tumhe ghar chhod dunga ishi bahaane kuch baat bhi kar lenge”
Yaha se dafa ho jao billu, ish ghatiya taxi mein jaane ka mera koyi iraada nahi hai.
Mujhe achi tarah yaad tha ki kaise ek baar ushke riksa mein baithna mujhe bhaari pada tha.
Tabhi meri company ki car aa gayi aur main ush mein baith kar ghar aa gayi.
……….
Raat ke 11 baje hai. maine thodi der pehle baahar jhaank kar dekha to paaya ki ek taxi mere flat ke bilkul saamne khadi hai. achaanak taxi ka gate khula aur billu baahar aa gaya. Maine foran khidki band kar di.
Ab ushke paas taxi hai. vo din raat yaha sadak par maje se taxi laga kar ushmein pada rah sakta hai. samajh nahi aata ki ish billu ka kya karun.
………………….
Date : 15-02-09
Aaj subah mandir gayi. phir vahi naatak huva. Billu jaate vakt to mujhe nahi deekha par jab mai vaapas aa rahi thi to mujhe mandir ke baahar mil gaya.
“Ritu thodi der rukogi…. kuch baat karni hai” — billu ne kaha.
Maine gusse mein ushke gaal par apni pancho ungliya chaap di. Ushka chehra laal ho gaya.
Vo hairaan rah kar meri aur dekhta rah gaya. Maine ek aur haath ghumaaya aur ish baar ushke dusre gaal par thappad rasid kar diya.
“Ab bolo kya baat karni hai, ye tumhaare ush letter ka jawaab hai jo tumne kuch din pehle mere ghar choda tha. agar tum sochte ho ki tum mujhe fir se fansa sakte ho to galat ho. Pyar ki baat karte ho tum. Tum hi the na jo badle ki aag mein mujhe barbaad kar rahe the. Vo bhi tum hi the na jo mujhe ashok ke paas ley gaye the. Ab meri baat dhyaan se shuno. Mujhe tumse nafrat hai. itni nafrat hai ki mai tumhaari shakal tak nahi dekhna chaahti. Yaha se foran dafa ho jao varna security officer ko bula lungi….ok” —– maine gusse mein jor se kaha
“Ritu acha kiya tumne thappad maar diya. ek aur maar do. Apni galti ke liye mai bhi sharminda hun. maine tumhe ush din clinic mein kaha bhi tha ki main badle ki aag mein andha to ho gaya tha par mujhe kuch nahi mila. mai tumhaara gunahgaar hun aur rahunga. Par aaj main tumhe pyar karta hun ritu. Bahut pyar karta hun. jaisa ki maine pehle bhi kaha hai, ye ahsaash mujhe bahut pehle ho gaya tha jab maine ush cycle wale ko maara tha. aaj main bas apni aankho mein pyar ley kar khada hun. mujhe khud bhi nahi pata ki aisa kyon hai. mai bas tumhe pyar karta hun” —– billu ne kaha
Tabhi vaha kuch log aa gaye aur bole madam koyi takleef hai kya.
Mai bahut gusse mein thi aur maine un logo se kah diya ki ye ladka mujhe ched raha hai. vaise ye sach hi tha. vo jabardasti hi to mere peeche pada tha.
Logo ne ushe maarna shuru kar diya. mai chupchaap aage badh gayi aur ghar aa gayi.
Acha sabak mila hai billu ko aaj. Ab ushki akal jaroor theekane aa jaayegi.
……..
raat ke 11:30 baje hai aur maine abhi abhi baahar jhaank kar dekha. Sakun mila ki billu baahar nahi hai. aaj jaroor vo samajh gaya hoga ki ab ushki mere liye kya aukaat hai.
Date : 16-02-09
Aaj phir ye kamina billu mere ghar mein ek chit chod gaya, leekha hai,
“ meri pyari ritu
mai apne paapo ki saja bhugatne ke liye taiyaar hun. acha kiya tumne mujhe thappad maara aur phir logo se bhi pitva diya. kal sara din sharir dhukta raha. taxi bhi nahi chala paaya. Haan par mujhe tumse koyi shikva ya shikaayat nahi hai. jo paap maine kiye hai, ushki ye bahut choti si saja hai. jo tumhaare saath kiya vo bahut galat tha. ** meri didi ka huva tha. ushmein tumhaara koyi dosh nahi tha. par pata nahi kyon meri akal par pathar pad gaye the jo tumhaare jaisi achi inshaan ko jhansa de kar fansa liya. tabhi sochta hun ki main tumhaare laayak nahi hun. par phir bhi apne pyar se majboor ho kar ek koshish kar raha hun tumhaare laayak ban-ne ki. maine clinic mein kaha tha ki tumhe aaj bhi seduce kar sakta hun. lekin ab tumhaare tevar dekh kar lagta hai ki vo naamumkin hai. acha hi hai. aaj baat vaise bhi pyar ki hai. mai to tumhaare haato se marne ko bhi taiyaar hun. jish din mujh se bahut pareshaan ho jao to bata dena mai khud sar jhuka kar tumhaare aage khada ho jaaunga, jo karna ho kar lena. Main ab bas tumhaara hun. tumhaare liye hi jee raha hun. meri jeendagi ab bas tumhaare haath mein hai. tumse baat ishliye karne ki koshish karta hun kyonki mere paas aur koyi chaara nahi hai. mai har vakt tumse baat karne ke liye tarasta rahta hun. mai har vakt tumhe sochta rahta hun. aur haan tumhe sochne ka matlab ye nahi hai ki mai tumhaare sharir ko soch raha hun. balki mai to tumhaare sharir ke ander chupi tumhaari aatma ko sochta hun. tum bahut shunder ho ish mein koyi shak nahi hai. par maine pehle bhi kaha hai tumhaare sharir se jyada shunder tumhaara man hai. I love you as a person. Not your body. This love has moved beyond your body. Mai aaj tumse sex nahi balki pyar chaahta hun ritu. Ho sake to kabhi araam se baith kar meri baat par dhyaan dena. Aur haan aaj se main tumhe kahin milne nahi aaunga. Mera tumhe chedne ka koyi iraada nahi hai. pyar karta hun. agar mera pyar sacha huva to tum khud ek din mere paas aaogi. Tab tak mai tumhaare saamne bhi nahi aaunga. Haan kabhi kabhi tumse kuch kahna huva to ek letter tumhaare ghar chhod dunga. Please itna mujhe karne dena. Aur mera letter jaroor padhna. Bahut pyar se leekhta hun…… bye……billu”
baate banaani billu ko khub aati hain. koyi bhi ish letter ko padh kar emotional ho jaayega par maine ishe faad kar fenk diya. aisi bahut saari baate mein ush se pehle bhi shun chuki hun. ab vo mujhe hargeez bevkoof nahi bana sakta.

[hirarandi]

Date : 22-02-09
11:30 am
Aaj sunday hai, abhi thodi der pehle papa ka phone aaya tha. puch rahe the ki maine sidharth ko shaadi ke liye kyon mana kar diya. shaayad shidharth ne phir se papa se baat ki hogi. aaj majboori mein mujhe papa ko bataana hi pada ki mai sidharth se shaadi nahi kar sakti. maine unhe samjha diya hai ki mai jeendagi ka safar akele taiy karna chaahti hun.
Maine 12 tareek wali baat papa ko bataana theek nahi samjha. Vaise bhi unhe shun kar dukh hi hota.
5:00 pm
abhi thodi der pehle mujhe apne darvaaje ke baahar aahat shunaayi di. Maine turant darvaaje ke paas ja kar dekha to paya ki ek kaagaz ki chit ander sarak rahi hai. main samajh gayi ki ye billu hi hai.
maine turant darvaaja khola aur ushe ushki chit faad kar vaapas de di aur boli, “billu ye naatak band karo. Mere sabar ki bhi koyi sheema hai. main tumhe fir kah rahi hun ki ye sab band karo, varna mai tumhaare khilaaf security officer complaint karungi. Aaj ke baad main yaha koyi chit nahi dekhna chaahti. Agar tumne dubaara aisa kiya to acha nahi hoga. Ab yaha se dafa ho jao”
Vaise kuch ajeeb kiya aaj billu ne. vo aaj bina kuch kahe chupchaap chala gaya. Ushke chehre par aise bhaav the jaise sach mein mujhe bahut pyar karta hai aur apne letter ke tukde dekh kar dukhi hai. Khair mujhe kya lena dena, vo bhaad mein jaaye. I just hate him.
8:00 pm
abhi abhi dipti se baat karke hati hun. jo mujhe shak tha vo yakin mein badalta ja raha hai.
maine dipti ko kavita ke ** wali kahaani bata di. Shun kar vo boli, “tum har baat der se hi bataati ho. Lagta hai tumhaara ish case mein koyi interest nahi hai. khair manish ne to aisa kuch nahi bataaya. Balki vo to kavita ke baare mein kuch ulta hi kah raha tha”
maine pucha, “kya kah raha tha” ?
dipti boli “kah raha tha ki ushne kishi sunita naam ki nurse se baat ki thi. vo kaafi samay se sanjay ke clinic mein hai. tum bhi shaayad ushe jaanti hogi. vo to yahi kah rahi thi ki kavita ka charitra theek nahi tha. ushne yaha tak bataaya hai ki vo ek call girl thi aur ek bade giroh ka hissa thi. billu bhi ushke ish dhande mein shaamil tha. kavita ki harkato ki vajah se hi sanjay ne ushe clinic se nikaal diya tha. pata nahi sach hai ya nahi. manish ko bhi ish baat par vishvaas to nahi hai. par vo kah raha tha ki sunita bahut vishwaas se ye baat kah rahi thi. khair manish to ish kaam par laga hi huva hai. dekhte hai ki sach kya hai. haan par kuch din key liye ushe ye kaam chhod kar kishi dushre case ke shilshiley mein kolkata jaana pad raha hai.”
maine kaha, “ye sach hi hoga dipti, ye billu bahut dhokebaaz aur makkaar hai. ushki bahan bhi ushke jaisi hi hogi. mujhe sunita ki baat par vishwaas hai, vo bhala jhut kyon bolegi”
mujhe yakin hai ki billu ne mujhe fir se jhansa dene ke liye ye kavita ke ** ki kahaani izaad ki hai. taaki vo apne saare kaarnaame ki safaayi de sake. Ushne jo mere saath kiya ushki koyi safaayi nahi di ja sakti. par vo ish had tak gir jaayega ki apni sister ke ** ki kahaani banaayega maine socha bhi nahi tha. vaise vo hai bhi ek number ka kamina, kuch bhi kar sakta hai.
……………..
Date : 01-03-09
dheere dheere main kaamyaab ho rahi hun. billu ab mere peeche nahi aata hai. main aaj subah mandir gayi thi to vo manhush mujhe kahin nahi deekha. mere flat mein ushne chit daalni bhi band kar di hai. haan par kabhi kabhi vo mere flat ke saamne apni taxi ley kar jaroor khada hota hai. soch rahi hun ki ushe jaa kar sabhi kuch bata dun ki mujhe ushki sister ke baare mein sab kuch pata chal gaya hai. par ushki shakal dekhne ka mera bilkul man nahi hai.
…………
Date : 8-03-09
11:30 pm
Aaj achaanak ek bahut bada surprise mila
aaj Sunday tha aur mai ghar par hi thi. subah subah maine har Sunday ki tarah mandir jaane ka fainsala kiya. Mujhe mandir ja kar ek sakun sa milne laga hai, aisa sakun jishe sabdo mein kahna mushkil hai.
Jab mein mandir se baahar aayi to mujhe saamne se billu aata deekhaayi diya. mujhe dekh kar vo aise chonk gaya jaise ki mai achaanak ushe deekh gayi hun. maine man hi man mein kaha kamina kahin ka. Mujhe pura yakin tha ki vo jaroor mera peecha kar raha hoga.
Mujhe dekh kar vo ruk gaya.
Jab mai ushke paas se gujari to vo bola, “ritu thodi der rukogi, bahut jaroori baat karni hai”
“Ab kaun si kahaani banaaoge billu, mujhe sab pata chal gaya hai kavita ke baare mein, tumne mujhe ushke ** ki jhuti kahaani shunaayi hai, hai na, tumse jyada gira huva inshaan maine aaj tak nahi dekha. Vaise jaise tum ho vaisi hi tumhaari bahan hai. mai soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki vo ek call girl hogi. aur tum bhi ushke ish dhande mein shaamil the. Aur tumne mujhe bhi ek bajaaru aurat bana kar chhod diya. ab har kishi ki mere saath ** karne ki himmat ho rahi hai. sab kuch tumhaare kaaran hai. tum ish duniya par bojh ho. Mera bas chale to abhi tumhe goli maar dun. Tum ush din bach gaye. Jara si bhi sharam baaki ho to yaha se chale jao, varna mai ab kuch bhi kar sakti hun” —- maine gusse mein kaha
maine jo dekha ush par mujhe yakin nahi huva. Billu ne kuch nahi kaha aur apni aankhe band kar li. Maine ushki aankho se aanshu tapakte dekhe. Vo bina meri aur dekhe mandir mein chala gaya.
Ek pal ko mujhe laga ki maine kuch jyada hi bol diya. par phir ye bhi laga ki sach bolne mein kya dikkat hai. agar mai galat kah rahi thi to vo khud mujhe jawaab deta. Par ushne kuch nahi kaha. Ishka matlab vo jaanta tha ki mai theek kah rahi hun.
Khair mai seedhi ghar aa gayi.
Ghar aate hi sidharth ka phone aaya.
“Ritu mai tumse milna chaahta hun. ush din ki harkat ke liye sharminda hun, please forgive me mai nashe mein bahak gaya tha. mujhe maaf kar do” —– sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi karna chaahti sidharth aur abhi vaise bhi mera mood bahut khraab hai, baad mein baat karenge, aur haan yaha dubaara aane ki himmat mat karna. bahut ho gaya meri jeendagi se majaak. Ab main kuch bardaast nahi karungi… bye” —– maine gusse mein kaha.
…………….
Aur phir mujhe ek surprise mila.
shaam ke koyi 6 baje mere ghar ki bell baji. Mai chonk gayi ki ab kaun aa gaya. Sidharth ko to maine aane ke liye mana kiya hai, fir ye kaun ho sakta hai.
Maine darvaaja khola aur baahar dekhte hi meri aankhe khuli ki khuli rah gayi.
Mere saamne sanjay khada tha. vahi sanjay jishne ek baar bhi mera phone tak nahi uthaaya tha.
“Dekh kya rahi ho, kya ander nahi bulaaogi, kabhi tumhaara pati tha main, kya itni jaldi bhool gayi” — sanjay ne kaha.
“nahi sanjay aisa nahi hai, main bas tumhe yaha dekh kar hairaan hun” —- maine kaha.
“Hona bhi chaahiye, mai tumse milne kabhi nahi aata par pata nahi kyon mere kadam khud-b-khud ish aur kheenche chale aaye” sanjay ne kaha.
Ye kah kar sanjay ander aa gaya aur pure ghar ko dekhne laga or bola, “acha bada ghar hai, kaafi tarakki kar li hai tumne. Tum jaroor khus hogi ye sab paa kar, hai na. Par tumne mujhe barbaad kar diya”
“Sanjay please ab phir se vahi baate mat karo, main khud bahut pareshaan hun. ruko mai kuch peene ko laati hun” —- maine kaha aur kah kar kitchen mein cold drink lene chali gayi.
“mujhe pata chala hai ki vo billu yahi hai, kya abhi bhi tum ushke saath aiyaashi kar rahi ho” —- sanjay ne pucha.
“Sanjay please aisa mat kaho, mai apni galti ki saja bhugat chuki hun. ab baar baar mujhe jaleel mat karo” — maine kaha.
“Main ush haraami ko jeenda nahi chhodunga” — sanjay ne gusse mein kaha.
“Sanjay agar bura na mano to ek baat punchu” —- maine kaha.
“Vaise tumhe kuch puchne ka adhikaar nahi hai, par phir bhi pucho kya puchna hai” —- sanjay ne kaha.
Maine pucha, “ kavita kaha hai sanjay”
“Dekho ushe maine nikaal diya tha. badi bachallan ladki thi vo. She was part of prostitution racket” — sanjay ne kaha
“par tumne ek baar kaha tha ki vo kaam chhod kar chali gayi” —– maine pucha.
“Haan to… itni gandi baat tumhe kaise bataata. Aaj baat dushri hai, tum khud itna gir chuki ho, tumhe ye ganda sach bataaya ja sakta hai” —- sanjay ne kaha.
Samajh nahi aa raha tha ki sanjay ko kya jawaab dun. Vaise vo sach hi kah raha tha. dukh bas ish baat ka tha ki ek paap ki saja mujhe baar baar di ja rahi thi.
“Ritu mera ek kaam karo” — sanjay ne kaha
“kya bataao sanjay, mujhe khusi hogi tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne mein” —- maine kaha.
“Kya tumhe pata hai vo billu kaha milega” —– sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay chhodo ushe, ab ush se tumhe kya lena dena. Mai bhi ush se baat nahi karti hun. mujhe nahi pata vo kaha rahta hai” —– maine kaha
“ritu tumhe sab pata hai, mujhe bataana nahi chaahti.vo tumhaara pakka yaar hai….hai na” — sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay aisi baat nahi hai please,….. maine apni galti khud swikaar ki thi aur main ab ush se bilkul koyi bhi baat nahi karti hun. haan vo kabhi kabhi mere ghar ke saamne apni taxi ley Kar khada hota hai. par mera yakin karo mera ush se ab koyi sambandh nahi hai.” —- maine kaha.
“Abhi hai kya vo baahar dekho to” —— sanjay ne pucha.
Badi ajeeb baat thi. jaise hi maine khidki khol kar dekha mujhe billu ki taxi deekhayi di. Vo taxi mein baitha tha. maine dekha ki vo kuch leekh raha tha. mujhe yakin tha ki aaj subah ki jhaad ke baad vo yaha nahi aayega par vo phir se taxi ley kar mere ghar ke baahar khada tha.
Maine dekha ki vo gate khol kar baahar aa gaya.
Maine sanjay se kaha, “haan ushki taxi khadi hai”
Maine phir se jhaank kar dekha to paaya ki vo apne haath mein kaagaz ka ek tukda ley kar mere flat ki taraf aa raha hai.
“kya kar raha hai vo” —- sanjay ne pucha
“Sanjay vo yahi ghar ki taraf aa raha hai” —– maine kaha.
“Dekha mai kahta tha na vo tera pakka yaar hai, abhi bhi tumhaara chakkar chal raha hai, mujhe jhut bol rahi thi ki mai ush se baat nahi karti” —– sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay ye sach hai ki main ush se baat nahi karti. Vahi mere peeche pada hai. aksar mere ghar mein ek chit daal jaata hai. abhi bhi vahi daalne aa raha hai shaayad. Mera yakin karo mera ush se ab koyi sambandh nahi hai” —- maine kaha
“aane do ushe aaj mai ushki yahi laash beecha dunga, tum aisa karo ushe ander bula lo” sanjay ne kaha
ye kah kar jaane kaha se sanjay ne ek bandook nikaal li
“Kya ?? ye kya kah rahe ho, nahi mujh se ye nahi hoga. Ushe yaha kyon bulaana chaahte ho” —— maine pucha.
“Ush se kuch puraana hisaab chukta karna hai ritu, tumhe nahi lagta ki jishne hamaare ghar ko barbaad kiya ushe saja milni chaahiye” —- sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay in sab baato se kya haansil hoga mai ab ush se baat nahi karti hun. mujhe ush se sakht nafrat hai. mai ushe yaha nahi bula sakti” —- maine kaha.
“Tumhe bulaana padega ritu. Agar tum vaakayi mein
Ush se nafrat karti ho to ushe yaha bulaao mai ushe tumhaari aankho ke aage maarunga. Aur tum kishi baat ki chinta mat karo. Tumhaare upar koyi baat nahi aayegi. Ushki laash main theekane laga dunga… ab ushe bulaao….meri khaatir bulaao”
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun.
Maine pucha, “sanjay kya ye sab karna jaroori hai”
“Haan jaroori hai, agar vo bach gaya to umar bhar pareshaan karega. Mai kitchen mein chup raha hun. ushe ander bula lena. Phir mai sambhaal lunga…ok”
sanjay kitchen mein chala gaya. Ushke jaate hi mujhe apne door ke neeche se ek chit sarakti huyi deekhaayi di.
Maine turant darvaaja khola aur ushki aur dekha.
Ek pal ko vakt jaise tahar gaya
Maine ushki aur dekha aur hamaari aankhe ek pal ko takraayi. Ushke chehre par ek dard bhari halki si mushkaan ubhar aayi. Phir maine dhyaan se dekha to paya ki ushki aankhe nam thi. Mai ushe aisi haalat mein dekh kar kuch nahi kah paayi.
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Kya mai ushe marne ke liye ander bula lun. Ushne mere liye cycle wale ko maara tha. ushne ush din jangal mein time par aa kar mera ** hone se bhi bachaaya tha.
Man mein yahi vichaar aaya ki billu ko yaha se jaane do ritu. Ye khun kharaba theek nahi hai. mujhe vaise bhi ab billu se kya matlab.
Billu ki aankho ke aanshu mujh par kuch ajeeb sa asar kar rahe the. Pata nahi vo kyon ro raha tha.
Vo mud kar bina kuch kahe chala gaya aur maine darvaaja band kar liya.
Tabhi sanjay kitchen se baahar aa gaya.
Sanjay ne mere gaal par ek jor se thappad rasid kar diya. thappad itni jor ka tha ki mai ladkhada kar gir gayi
“Ye kya kiya haraamzaadi , tune ushe ander kyon nahi bulaaya, dikha diya na tune apna rang. Kya lagta hai vo tera jo tu hamesha mujhe dhoka deti hai. Aaj ushka kaam tamaam, karne ka acha moka tha” —- sanjay ne cheella kar kaha.
“Sanjay mujhe ush se koyi matlab nahi hai, mai ushe yaha nahi ghussne dena chaahti thi” —- maine kaha
sanjay ne mere gaal par ek aur thappad maara aur kaha, “jhut bolti hai saali. marna to ushe hai hi, yaha nahi to kahin aur marega”
ye kah kar sanjay darvaaja khol kar baahar chala gaya.
Kuch der tak mai yu hi padi rahi.
Koyi 15 minut baad maine baahar dekha to paya ki billu ki taxi abhi bhi baahar sadak par khadi thi. par billu kahin nahi deekh raha tha.
Maine dekha ki billu ki chit abhi bhi darvaaje ke paas padi thi. maine ushe faadne key liye haath mein utha liya. par tabhi meri aankho ke saamne billu ki vo dard bhari mushkaan aa gayi. main chaah kar bhi vo letter faad nahi paayi. maine letter bina padhe apni diary mein rakh diya.

[hirarandi]

7:00 pm
Abhi abhi dipti ka phone aaya tha. ushne kuch aisa bataaya hai ki ush ki baat shun kar dil dahal gaya hai aur aankhe nam ho gayin hain
“ arey ritu news dekh rahi ho ki nahi”
Maine pucha, “kyon kya baat hai” ?.
“Arey dekho to sahi tumhaara faridabad wala ghar live aa raha hai. tumhaare ghar ke peeche kavita ki laash mili hai. laash kankaal ban chuki hai. bahut hi khaufnaak nazaara hai” — dipti ne kaha
“ohh my god, kavita ki laash mere ghar ke peeche” —- maine kaha
“haan, ek baat aur shuno, manish ko sanjay ke clinic se ek pen drive mili hai. ush mein kavita ke ** ki puri video hai, vo video bhi manish ne media ko de di hai. ushe bhi dhundala karke deekhaaya ja raha. chaaro logo ke chehre saaf deekh rahe hain. Billu theek kah raha tha ritu, kavita ka bahut brutal ** huva tha”
“Kya ? ye tumhe kab pata chala” — maine pucha
“Pen drive to koyi ek hafte pehle mil gayi thi. manish ne mujhe bata bhi diya tha par aaj kavita ki laash mili hai”
“ohh god tum mujhe aaj bata rahi ho” —- maine kaha
mai bhaag kar apni khidki mein gayi aur baahar dekha
baahar billu ki taxi khadi thi par ush mein koyi nahi tha
“yaar mujhe laga tumhaara ish sab mein koyi interest nahi hai” dipti ne kaha
“aur vo jo sunita ne bataaya tha vo kya tha dipti” —- maine pucha.
“Vo jhut bol rahi thi ritu, dar-asal sunita ye afvaah sanjay ke kahne par uda rahi thi. maine to bataaya bhi tha tumhe ki manish ko khud ushki baat par yakin nahin hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ohh god,….. dipti, maine billu ko na jaane kya-kya bol diya” — maine kaha
tab achaanak mujhe dhayaan aaya ki peechle 2 hafte se billu mujhe kahin nahi deekha. Na hi 2 hafte se ushki koyi chit ghar mein mili. Haan ushki taxi abhi bhi vahin ki vahin khadi hai.
maine dipti ka phone kaat diya
maine tv on kar ke dekha to sabhi channels par kavita ka kankaal deekhaaya ja raha tha. sach mein bahut khaufnaak najaara tha. news mein bataaya ja raha tha ki forensic report ke mutaabik kavita ko jeenda hi dafna diya gaya tha.
dipti ka phir se phone aa gaya
“manish ne media ko ish sab mein involve karke acha kiya na ritu. Ab mujrimo ko saja mil sakegi. Ab ye case media sambhaal legi. Manish bata raha tha ki sanjay ke saath saath baaki ke teen logo ko giraftaar kar liya gaya hai. par yaar media wale kavita ke bhai ke baare mein puch rahein hain. Kya billu abhi bhi vahin hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“mujhe nahi pata dipti, peechle 2 hafte se maine ushe nahi dekha. Haan ushki taxi yaha jaroor khadi hai” — maine kaha
mera dil bahut bhaari ho raha tha. main badi mushkil se dipti se baat kar paa rahi thi.
aakhri baar maine billu ko 8-03-09 ko dekha tha. ushki vo dard bhari halki si mushkaan aur aankho ki nami mujhe abhi tak yaad hai. ush din billu ke jaane ke baad sanjay bhi ushke peeche peeche gaya tha.
kahin sanjay ne to ushke saath kuch aisa vaisa nahi kar diya. vo kah to raha tha ki, “marna to ushe hai hi, yaha nahi to kahin aur marega”
tabhi mujhe yaad aaya ki maine ush din ushki chit apni diary mein rakhi thi.
maine vo chit nikaali aur ushe padhne lagi
ushmein leekha tha :——-
“ meri pyari ritu.
Tum maano ya na maano. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun. mujhe khud bhi nahi pata ki aisa kyon hai. haan bas ek ahsaash hai ki tumhaare bina jee nahi sakta. tum meri jeendagi ho ritu. main bas tumhe paane ki ek koshish kar raha tha. kya karun apne dil ke haatho majboor tha. par main ye baat bhul raha tha ki tum mujhe kabhi maaf nahi kar paaogi. Karogi bhi kyon. ** meri didi ka huva tha,tumhaari ish mein kya galti thi. aur haan ritu maine pehle jaroor kahaani banaayi hai, bahut jhut boley hai. itne jhut boley hai ki aaj tumhaara vishwaas kho chuka hun. par maine apni didi ke ** ki kahaani nahi banaayi. Haan mere paas koyi saboot nahi hai. tabhi to bina saboot ke kuch kar nahi paaya. Aur didi ka ab tak kuch pata nahin ki kaha hai, jo aakar khud sach bata sakein. to tum kuch bhi soch sakti ho. Aaj lagta hai ki main haar gaya. Koshish bahut kar raha tha tumhe apna pyar deekhaane ki par….. chalo chhodo.. aur kuch nahi leekha ja raha. dil bhaari ho raha hai aur aankhe bhar aayi hai. vaise pata nahi tum padhogi bhi ya nahi. but I will love you forever. Kabhi meri yaad aaye to yahi mat sochna ki maine tumhe barbaad kiya tha. ho sake to ek baar ye bhi sochna ki maine tumhe pyar bhi kiya tha. main jhuta inshaan sahi par mera pyar sacha hai.…… billu”
Ye letter padhte padhte meri aankho se aanshu tapak rahe the aur letter ki leekhaavat ko dhundala kar rahe the.
Mujhe ye samajh nahi aa raha tha ki aakhir billu ke dil mein pyar ka phool kaise khil sakta hai. par jo bhi ho ushka pyar ab mujhe meri aatma tak mahsush ho raha hai.
Date : 29-03-09
Aaj ek hafta ho gaya kavita ki laash ko mile par billu ka kuch ata pata nahi. aisa kaise ho gaya ki vo apni sister ki laash tak dekhne nahin aaya.
Pura hafta meri najre billu ko dhundati rahi. roj subah office jaate vakt aur shaam ko office se aate vakt main billu ki taxi ko dekhti hun. vo 8-03-09 se vaisi ki vaisi ek hi jagah khadi hai.
Shaam ko ghar aate hi darvaaje ke aas paas dekhti hun ki kahin billu ne koyi chit to nahi chhodi par mujhe kuch nahi milta.
Ek baar vo apni didi ka antim shanskaar kar deta to acha hota. Mere man se ek bojh hat jaata. Aaj phir se bahut dukh ho raha hai ki maine bina soche samjhe ush din mandir ke baahar pata nahin billu ko ushki didi ke baare mein kya kya bol diya.
Aaj subah mandir jaate vakt meri aankhe billu ko dhund rahi thi. Pata nahin billu se kya rista ban gaya hai mera. Vo hota hai to main chaahti hun ki vo dafa ho jaaye. Vo nahi hota to kuch na kuch aisey haalaat ho jaate hai ki meri nazre bas ushe hi dhundati hain
Har pal yahi lagta hai ki abhi kahin se billu aayega aur kahega “ritu ruko tumse kuch jaroori baat karni hai”
Jab bhi apne ghar mein ghusti hun to man yahi sochta hai ki mujhe abhi ek chit milegi jish mein leekha hoga, “meri pyari ritu” aur main pura letter pyar se padhungi.
Par aisa kuch nahi ho raha. pata nahi billu kaha chala gaya.
Mandir se aate vakt maine ushki taxi mein jhaank kar dekha to mujhe ek diary aur gift pack deekha
Maine ek pathar uthaaya aur gaadi ka sheesa tod diya aur diary aur vo gift pack baahar nikaal liya.
Mai apne ghar ke ander aa gayi aur bedroom mein baith kar ushki diary padhne lagi.
Ushmein leekha tha :——-
Jabse hosh aaya hai mai bas ritu ke liye hi tadap raha hun. pata nahi kish janam ka rista hai mera ush se. jaroor koyi janmo ka rista hai varna ye pyar hona mushkil tha.
Mai to ritu ke jariye sanjay ko barbaad karne gaya tha par apna dil kho baitha. Acha hi huva. Jabse ritu se pyar huva hai, tab se ye ahsaash huva hai ki badla lene se kuch haansil nahi hota. Sanjay ko barbaad karne ke chakkar mein maine ritu jaisi ek achi inshaan ki jeendagi barbaad kar di. Mujhe kya mila ? kuch nahi. na meri didi ko insaaf mila, na meri didi ka kuch pata chala.
Ab ek koshish karta hun apne pyar ko paane ki. maine ritu ki aankho mein apne liye pyar dekha hai. mujhe ummeed hai ki main ek na ek din apne pyar ko paa lunga. Baaki ish kishmat ka kuch pata nahin. Main bas ek ummeed hi rakh sakta hun.

[hirarandi]

Aaj taxi ka intezaam ho gaya hai. kal se chalaana shuru kar dunga. Pata nahi kuch ban paaunga ya nahi par ek shuruvaat to kar hi di hai. mere aur ritu ke beech mein bahut saari rukaavte hai.
Sabse pehli rukaavat hai, ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat. Ush nafrat ko dur karna hoga. Koshish kar raha hun. dekhte hain kya hota hai
sabse badi rukaavat hai mera status. Mere paas kuch nahi hai ritu ko dene ko. Mujhe bahut mehnat karni hogi. agar pati ka farz nibhaana hai to mujhe kuch ban-na padega. chalo taxi se start karta hun. jaldi hi mumbai mein paanv jamaane ke baad kuch bada kaam bhi karunga.
Date : 13-02-09
Aaj ritu ke ghar mein ek letter chhod diya hai. maine ushmein ritu ko leekh diya hai ki main ush se shaadi karna chaahta hun. dekhte hai vo ish baat ko kaise leti hai.
Soch raha hun IT field mein kuch seekh lun. Maine delhi mein ish baare mein dhyaan hi nahi diya. varna aaj IT field mein kaam kar raha hota. Computer ke basics to mujhe pata hai, bas high tech skill seekhne ki jaroorat hai. roj 1-2 ghanta nikaal kar ye kaam bhi kar sakta hun. vakt kam hai. mujhe jald se jald ritu ke laayak ban-na hai. vo assisstant manager hai aur mai taxi driver vo bhala kaise mujh se shaadi ke baare mein sochegi. Philhaal to bas pyar ka hi sahaara hai. shaayad ushe meri aankho mein pyar nazar aa jaaye. Par phir bhi mujhe jald se jald kuch ban-na hoga. Baat ritu ki hi nahi hai. hamaara ek bacha bhi hai, chintoo. Mai chintoo ko bahut pyar dunga. Soch raha hun ki, bas chintoo ko hi rakhenge. Aur bacho ki kya jaroorat hai. hum dono ke liye ek bacha kaafi hai.
Date : 8-03-09
Kuch banta nazar nahi aa raha. ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat jyon ki tyon hai. aaj mandir ke baahar ritu ne kuch aisa kah diya ki dil tut kar beekhar gaya hai. Ek ek tukda kaha jaa kar gira hai, pata nahi.
Par main ritu se bilkul naraaz nahin hun. apni jeendagi se bhala koyi naraaz hota hai. ushe mujhe kuch bhi kahne ka haq hai. vo meri jaan jo hai. par lagta hai mujhe apni jeendagi se dur rahna padega. main ritu ko aur jyada pareshaan nahi kar sakta. aise pyar ka kya faayda jo kishi ko pareshaan kare.
Vaise bhi itni jaldi mai kaha kuch ban paata. Aur phir ye status aur class ka chakkar to abhi baaki hai. mai jaanbujh kar haari huyi baaji khel raha tha. kal delhi jaane ki ticket book kara li hai. dukhi man se mujhe yaha se ab jaana hi hoga.
Vaise bhi na ritu se baat hoti hai. baat karne jaata hun to vo pareshaan hoti hai. ab letter daalna bhi ushne band karva rakha hai. main kaise ushka dil jeetunga. Mujhe yaha se chale jaana chaahiye.
Mere paapo ki yahi saja hai ki mai apne pyar ke liye tadap tadap kar marun……..
……………
billu ki diary padhte padhte meri aankhe nam ho gayi. ushka har ek shabd maano mere dil tak pahunch raha tha aur puch raha tha, “ritu do you love me”
maine diary ko maathe se laga liya. ush mein vo pyar tha, jo maine ab tak apni jeendagi mein nahi dekha tha.
tabhi meri nazar gift pack par gayi aur main ushe kholne lagi.
ushmein ek laal rang ki saree thi. jaise kishi dulhan ke liye ho. Diary mein ushke baare mein kuch nahi leekha tha. par main jaanti hun ki vo ye saree mere liye hi laaya hoga. Maine ush saree ko gale se laga liya.
maine bhagvaan se pucha, “hey bhagvaan agar aapko mujhe aur billu ko pyar ke bandhan mein baandhna tha to hamein itne lambe raste se kyon ghumaaya. Aur ab jab ye pyar ka phool khil gaya hai to ab billu kaha hai” ???
ye kuch aise sawaal the jinka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai aur shaayad na hi kabhi honge.
Date : 22-06-09
Aaj pure 3 mahine ho gaye kavita ki laash ko mile. Ushka antim sanskaar bhi ho chuka hai, par billu ka kuch nahi pata. Peechle hafte main khud kavita ke antim sanskaar mein shaamil hone ke liye delhi gayi thi. bahut wait kiya billu ka par aakhir mein thak haar kar kavita ka antim sanskaar karna hi pada.
Faridabad ja kar main jail mein sanjay se bhi milkar aayi hun.
Maine pucha, “billu kaha hai sanjay”
“Ushke hazaar tukde karke maine mumbai ke naalon mein baha diye hai, jao jaa kar chun lo, kuttiya kahin ki..hehehe..” —– sanjay ne hanste huve kaha.
Ishke alaawa main sanjay se kuch aur baat nahi kar paayi. Maine paap kiya tha to mujhe ahsaash tha ki maine galat kiya par sanjay ko apni galti ka koyi afsosh nahi hai. yahi shaayad hamaare samaaj ki sabse badi kamzori hai. aadmi hazaar paap karke bhi sheena choda karke ghum sakta hai, par aurat ki ek galti bhi ush par bahut bhaari padti hai aur shaari umar ushe nazre jhuka kar chalna padta hai.
Aaj mai ummeed kho chuki hun.
Ek pyar ka phool jo bas kheelne hi laga tha, murjha gaya. billu ke saath meri jo ek hansin jeendagi ho sakti thi, hone se pehle hi kho gayi. mujhe billu ko ye kahne ka moka bhi nahi mila ki “I love you too”.
Jab vo shaamne tha to main har pal ushe koshti rahti thi. aaj jab vo paas nahi hai to main ushke liye taras rahin hun. kaash vo kahin se aa jaaye to main apna dil ushke aage chir kar rakh dungi aur kahungi ki dekho tumhaara pyar kaha tak pahunch gaya hai. Main ushe kahungi ki tum vaakayi mein mere sharir se meri aatma tak pahunch gaye ho. Par ab kya ho sakta hai. ye baate ab bas sochi ja sakti hain. Jishe ye sab kahna tha, vo to na jaane kahan hai. ish diniya mein hai bhi ya nahi, ye bhi nahi pata.
Pata nahi ish sab ke liye kaun zimmedaar hai. bahut hi ajeeb khel khela hai ish jeendagi ne mere saath.
“Pyar kya hai mujhe nahi pata. Mujhe bas itna pata hai ki meri nazre ush inshaan ko dhund rahin hai, jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. kaash vo kahin se phir se aa jaaye aur main dil khol kar ushe kah sakun ki maine tumhe maaf kar diya, please ab mere paas raho aur ush pyar ke ahsaash mein mujhe dubo do jishmein tum khud dube huve ho”
Love is very special feeling. It happened to me in a very strange situation. But I welcome this gift of god in my life. I will cherish this love through out my life.
Ab shaayad billu ish duniya mein nahi hai, par kya huva ushka pyar hamesha mere saath rahega.
Hey bhagvaan billu ko maaf karna, for I have forgiven him. He is now my love. vo jahan bhi ho Ushka khyaal rakhna.
Aaj ye diary yahin band kar rahin hun. ab kuch aur leekhne ki himmat nahin hai aur vaise bhi kuch aur leekhne ko bacha bhi nahi hai.
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Date : 9-08-09
Aaj ye diary padhi. padh kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi hain.
Ritu ne mujh se ye diary chupa kar rakhi thi. aaj se main ishmein leekhna shuru kar raha hun.
“jatin ushe mat padhna tumhe dukh hoga aur main apne pati ko dukh nahi dena chaahti, vaise tumhe sab kuch pata hi hai” —– ritu ne mujh se kaha
main samajh sakta hun ki vo kyon nahi chaahti thi ki main ye diary na padhun.
shaadi se pehle ritu ne kaha tha, “jatin mujhe ek moka dena. Tumhaare liye main kuch bhi karungi. Mujhe nahi pata ki main ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi ya nahi par jab baat tumhaari hai to main kuch bhi kar jaaungi. I love you”
jab se ritu se shaadi huyi hai jeendagi khil uthi hai. hamaari shaadi ko lagbagh ek mahina ho gaya hai. par hum abhi normal husband wife ki tarah karib nahi aa paaye hain. Ritu puraani baate nahi bhula paayi hai. haan mujh se pyar bahut karti hai
abhi thodi der pehle baathroom se naha kar nikli to sharmaate huve bhaag kar bedroom mein ghuss gayi. vo hamesha concious rahti hai ki main ushe dekh raha hun.
par jab vo bathroom se nikli thi to maine khud apni nazre ghuma li thi. main ushe pura time de raha hun. mujhe ushka sharir paane ki koyi jaldi nahin hai.
vaise bhi ye jism ki baat nahi hai balki ushke dil tak pahunchna hai, lambi duri taiy karne mein vakt to lagta hai. ye Jagjit Singh ki gazal bilkul meri situation par bani lagti hai.
jo bhi ho ritu ke saath ek chhat ke neeche rahne ka bahut pyara ahsaash hai. she is very beautiful women. Lets see how our marriage life moves forward. Looking forwad for a day when I will have her in my arms and I will say to her while looking into her eyes “ritu you are the most beautiful women and I am proud to have you in my life”
lekin abhi vo sharmaati itna hai ki dur dur rahti hai. dekhte hai kab tak mere pyar se dur rahegi.
Date : 9-08-09
3:00 pm
Aaj Sunday hai aur hum dono ghar par hi hain. Abhi abhi lunch kiya hai. ritu bahut acha khaana banaati hai. dar lagta hai ki kahin main kha kha kar mota na ho jaaun. Par vo itne pyar se daal daal kar deti hai ki main khaata chala jaata hun.
Aaj ritu ne bahut saare item banaaye the, jishke kaaran bahut thak gayi thi, ishliye bedroom mein jaa kar sho gayi. mujhe kah rahi thi ki bas yu hi late rahin hun. par abhi maine dekha to paya ki vo shoyi huyi hai.
pehli baar aaj ushe shote huve dekha hai. nahi to vo raat ko to alag shoti hi hai, dopahar ko bhi apne bedroom ki kundi laga kar shoti hai. aaj galti se kundi khuli rah gayi shaayad, kyonki ushe pata hi nahi hoga ki neend aa jaayegi
Jo bhi hai mujhe ushe shote huve dekhna bahut acha lag raha hai. bilkul ek maasum bache ki tarah paanv sikod kar sho rahi hai. ushe bilkul hosh nahi hai ki main ushke saamne baitha hun varna abhi uth jaati. main chupchaap ushke saamne kursi par baith kar ye diary leekh raha hun. ushke karib hone ka bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha hai mujhe
Mujhe bilkul nahi pata ki pyar kya hai. mere liye ish shabd ko define karna bahut mushkil kaam hai. meri jeendagi mein ye bahut ajeeb haalaat mein aaya hai. haan log kahte hain ki pyar ka dushra naam bhagvaan hai. pata nahi ki log ish baat par vishwaas karte hai ya nahi, haan par mujhe pura yakin hai ki bhagvaan ka dushra naam ritu hai. vahi mera sab kuch hai, vahi mere liye bhagvaan hai aur hamesha rahegi.
8 march ko mumbai se bahut dukhi man se gaya tha. pata nahi tha ki vaapis aaunga ya nahi. mujhe lagne laga tha ki main bevajah ritu par apna pyar thop raha hun. pehle ush par apni havash thopi thi ab pyar bhi thopunga to pyar aur havash mein kya anter rah jaayega.
Mumbai vaapis aane ka socha nahi tha, par ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye main phir se mumbai kheencha chala aaya. 28 june ko shaam ke koyi 5 baje main mumbai pahunch gaya.
mumbai mein paanv rakhte hi mere tan badan mein ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi. jald se jald ritu ko dekhna chaahta tha. par main dubaara ritu ko koyi pareshaani bhi nahi dena chaahta tha. ishliye soch raha tha ki kaise ushe bina pareshaan kiye ek baar dekha jaaye.
Main ritu ke ghar ke saamne pahunch gaya. Thodi der tak ritu ki khidki ko dekhta raha. dil bas ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye taras raha tha. main soch raha tha ki pata nahi kaisi hogi meri ritu. ek ghanta ho gaya. Ritu khidki mein nahi aayi. Maine socha chalo gate way of India par ghum aata hun. baad mein try karunga. kya pata vo kahin gayi huyi ho.
Main gate way of India pahunch kar ushi jagah khada ho gaya jahaan main ritu ke gale lag kar behosh huva tha.
ush pal ko main kabhi nahi bhula paaya. balki vo ahsaash abhi tak mere saath hai. ritu se shaadi ho chuki hai, par abhi tak hum gale bhi nahi mile hain. Bahut saare kaaran hain ish baat ke.
Khair main ushi ahsaash ko dubaara paana chaahta tha, ishliye vaha jhuk kar maine ush jamin ko chum liya jahaan ritu khadi huyi thi.
jee haan, pyar aapse bahut kuch ajeeb karva deta hai. sabhi log dekh rahe the ki main kya kar raha hun. par mujhe logo se koyi matlab nahi tha. mujhe to ush ahsaash ko dubaara jeena tha. aur phir main khada ho kar samunder ki taraf ghum kar bilkul vaise hi khada ho gaya jaise ush din khada tha. bilkul ushi din ki tarah main samunder ko dekhte dekhte ushki vishaalta mein kho gaya.
Vakt jaise khud ko dohra raha tha. mujhe bilkul yakin nahi tha ki bhagvaan mujhe ritu se bilkul ushi din ki tarah milvaayenge.
Main to samunder mein kho chuka tha, achaanak mujhe mere peeche se awaaj aayi
“Tum khud ko samajhte kya ho, billu”
main jhat se ghum gaya aur maine jo dekha ush par vishwaas karna mushkil tha.
ritu ek chote bache ki tarah aankho mein aanshu ley kar mere saamne khadi thi. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki kishi bache ka khilona kho gaya ho aur vo ushke liye ro raha ho.
Main itna hairaan tha ki kuch nahi kah paaya bas aankhe phaad kar ritu ko dekhta raha.
“Kahaan chale gaye the tum” —- ritu ne rote huve pucha.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Maine kabhi ritu ko aisi haalat mein nahi dekha tha
Maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya aur kaha, “ritu please chup ho jao”
Phir kuch ish tareeke se ritu ne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya ki meri aankhe bhar aayi.
“Mujhe chune ki koshish bhi mat karna, tumhe pyar karne ka ye matlab nahi hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” ritu ne kaha… aur kah kar peeche ki aur hat gayi.
“nahin ritu tum mujhe galat samajh rahi ho, main tumhaare sharir ka bhuka nahin hun, vo billu jo tumhaare sharir ka bhuka tha kab ka mar chuka hai, aaj tumhaare saamne jo khada hai vo jatin hai. main to bas tumhe chup karaane ki koshish kar raha tha. dekho chup ho jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hain” — maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha.
“Tum mere flat ke saamne se mujh se miley bina nikal gaye, tumhe sharam nahi aayi, kaisa pyar hai tumhaara” — ritu ne kaha.
“Nahin ritu aisi baat nahi hai, main to tumhaare ghar ke saamne ek ghanta khada raha tha. tum khidki mein nahi deekhi to thodi der yaha ghumne chala aaya. Ush din ki yaad taaja kar raha tha jish din tumne mujhe gale lagaaya tha. main abhi thodi der mein vaapis aane wala tha” —- maine ritu ki aankho mein dekh kar kaha.
“Sach bol rahe ho” — ritu ne apni aankho se aanshu punchte huve kaha.
Ritu ke chehre par pyari si maasumiyat thi
“Haan ritu main yaha tumhaare liye hi to aaya hun, varna yaha mera aur kaun hai” — maine kaha.
Ritu thodi shaant huyi aur boli, “main jab khidki mein aayi to tumhe bas jaate huve dekha. Tumhe nahi pata ki mere dil par kya beeti, bhaag kar aayi hun main yaha”
“Ritu mujhe yakin nahi tha ki tum mujhe itne pyar se milogi, main to bas tumhe ek baar dekhne aaya tha, do you love me” ? —– maine pucha.
“Billu pehle tum ye bataao ki tum the kahaan, kavita ko dekhne bhi nahi aaye, kya meri baat itni buri lag gayi thi. mera to chalo kuch nahi par kavita ?? kaise bhul gaye apni didi ko tum. Tumhaara bahut intzar kiya,tum nahi aaye to tumhaare bina hi kavita ka antim sanskaar karna pada. Kyon kiya ye sab ?” —– ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar pucha.
“Ritu sab kuch bataata hun, par mujhe billu mat kaho. billu ab mar chuka hai. Mera naam jatin hai. sharam aati hai mujhe tumhaare muh se billu shun kar. Tum meri baat samajh sakti ho… hain na” — maine kaha.
“Mujhe pata hai tumhaara naam jatin hai, maine tumhaari puri inquary karva rakhi hai, acha naam hai. tumhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai, jatin means sage or muni. Par tum to kuch aur hi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“mujhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai ritu, aur ish naam ke gun bachpan se mere ander hain” — maine kaha.
“Acha chalo chhodo, mujhe ab ye bataao ki tum kaun si duniya mein chale gaye the ki apni didi ko bhi dekhne nahi aaye” — ritu ne gambhir ho kar kaha.
“Theek hai ritu tumhe aaj sab kuch bataaunga, ye bhi bataaunga ki main kahaan tha aur apni jeendagi ke baare mein bhi bataaunga, chalo kishi restaurant mein chalte hain, baat lambi hai, yahaan khade khade thak jaayenge” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai main shun-na chaahti hun billu….mm matlab jatin…… sorry aage se tumhe bas jatin hi kahungi, lekin yahin baat karenge, restaurant jaane mein vakt lagega, main aur intezaar nahi kar sakti” — ritu ne kaha.
“pehli baar meri jaan itne pyar se mili hai, restaurant to tumhe ley jaana hi padega, chalo na please araam se baat karenge” — maine kaha
“kya main tumhaari jaan hun jatin” — ritu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha.
“Haan ritu, you are my life, infact you are my god, tabhi to main aaj phir yahaan kheencha chala aaya, aur bhagvaan ka chamatkaar dekho aaj tum mere shaamne aankho mein pyar ley kar khadi ho. We are in love, hain na ritu” —- maine kaha
“tum mujhe pehle ye bataao ki kahaan the tum? , baaki ki baate baad mein karenge. Thodi der khade rah kar thak nahi jaayenge, jaldi bataao, kahan the” —- ritu ne kaha.
Maine phir ritu ko restaurant ke liye insist nahi kiya. Hum dono vahin divaar ke saath ek dushre ki aur muh karke khade ho gaye.
“Ritu mai 8 march ko bahut dukhi man se tumhaare ghar se chala tha. agle din ki delhi ki ticket book karva rakhi thi. par kishmat ko kuch aur hi manjoor tha. main delhi jaane ki bajaaye pune pahunch gaya” —- maine kaha
“pune !! pune kya karne gaye the” —- ritu ne pucha