Romance The End of Restless Sleep- By Pinuram

[ddey333]

Chapter 5: Thunders in blue sky.

I took grandma for the trip. We returned few days after Durga puja. After returning, I
joined my work place. Every evening whenever I returned, I used to stop by the bus
stand near her house. I bore a faint hope that I might see her somewhere. I did not have
the courage to make a call to her house. Every moment seemed to be very void to me. I
missed her on the pillion of my bike, I missed her touch on my back and I missed her
sweet smile.

One evening when I was taking dinner, Grandma asked me as why I was so absent
minded. I tried to avoid her question by answering that I had some problems in my job.

“That is not the truth, Adi. Your eyes are depicting pain. You have not spoken to
Anoushka for a long time, right?” She asked me.

It was hard to conceal pain from my beloved grandma’s eyes; I was caught red-handed. I
nodded my head that she was right.

She ruffled my hair and smiled, “I want to meet her and can you bring her here?”

“Grandma that is not possible in a thousand years. Her father is very strict person and
very closely guards his dignity and prestige.” I tried to persuade her in a calm voice.

She asked me, “Have you spoken to her about your feelings yet?”

“No grandma” I said in a low voice, “We both know that our future is unsure.”

She shook her head, “Hmm... We all live in society and the higher up you are in the
society, higher is your risk to lose your dignity. Her father fears that what the society will
say about. I can understand that very well.”

“What can I do?” I asked her.

She expressed her dismay, “If you both stay near to each other then there will be only
pain and nothing else. You have to go away from Kolkata, Adi. Out of sight out of mind. I
will speak with Deb to find you a job in Durgapur.”

“So you mean that I leave you, again?” I gave a painful look at her “I can sacrifice
thousands of such love for you.”

She soothed my hair and persuaded me, “Adi, try to understand. I may be here for
another year or so, you have started your life. You have to make your choice now. You
have to be strong enough to brace the fact that you are going to lose her or you have to
be strong enough to face his father. In both the case, you have to show your courage.
Choose your path wisely, Adi.”

That night was painful for me. I was unable to sleep for the whole night and kept tossing
on the bed. I kept on creating permutations and combinations of our relation and our
future.

I knew from the bottom of my heart that she loves me but due to her father’s adamant
nature she abstained from expressing her heart. I was quiet sure that she was aware
that the same turbulence was abstaining me from saying those three words to her. At
last, I made up my mind to leave Kolkata.

Few days after that I left my grandma at my maternal uncle’s house. I was in the office, I
received a call from my uncle, and he sounded very upset. From his hello sound, I got
the picture clear as crystal in my head, that my grandma was no more in this world. I
was unable to move for few minutes. With clenched teeth, I controlled myself. I drove
as fast as I can with my snivelled eyes.

On reaching my uncle’s house, I saw my grandma, dbangd in a milky white cloth, lying on
the ground. The whole world shook in front of my eyes. The last straw, who could bind
me, was no more with me. I sat beside her; my eyes were burning in agony and
frustration. I knew that humans are mortal yet I questioned myself as why she had to
leave me. No one dreaded to console me or say anything to me, as everyone knew that I
was the apple of her eye. There was no tear in my eyes, only pure black vacuum filled
my soul. With clenched teeth I sat there motionless. My blank gaze was riveted on the
peaceful sleeping face of my grandma. No noise of the surrounding people was able to
enter my ears.

The sun was approaching the west horizon. Debadideb came to me and said that, “Adi,
wake up. We have to take away Grandma.” I gave a cold vacuous stare at him. He
looked helplessly at his parents and then said to me, “Adi, I am helpless.”

I nodded my head and bent down on her face to kiss her forehead for one last time. Still
I was unable to come in terms that she was no more. No more soothing palm to ruffle
my hair, no more jiggery and honey, no more mango milkshakes. I felt that all sweetness
of my life was taken away.

People came, started to wrap her in cloth, and tied her on a bed. I stood up from her
side and looked around. They took away my grandma. With staggering steps I walked
towards my bike and started it.

Every pair of snivelled eyes was staring at me, unable to understand as what I was going
to do. Even I was not sure as what I was doing.

Debadideb ran towards me and asked, “What are you doing? Are not you coming with
us?”

My eyes were dry; I clenched my teeth and said in an ice cold voice, “I do not think that
if I go with grandma then she would hug me. I lit my mother’s pyre, when I should be
resting on her lap. I won’t be able to stand there and watch my precious being pushed in
the electric chimney. Everything is finished for me, Deb. I am tired and I want to go
home.”

I did not bother to look behind and ride away from there. The reasons of my sleepless
nights kept on increasing.

Chapter 6: Trough in alliance.

My grandma’s demise hurled me into abyss. Seldom I spoke or smiled. Debadideb called
me and asked me whether I was coming in the funeral function or not. I answered that I
have lost the reason to visit my uncle’s house, all the threads tied with them was lost,
first my mother then my grandmother. He said that, before passing away, grandma
asked him to find a job for me at Durgapur. I answered that if he can then I would be
grateful to him. He assured that he would look for a job and asked me to pull myself up.

I smiled painfully and said to him that I was free then, at last all the straws around me
has gone away and then I could take a deep dive into abyss. He said that, he and his wife
would visit me.

Within few days, I pulled myself up. One fine morning, I found myself very much
rejuvenated. I felt the soft winter breeze on my face. I took a deep breath of the cold
breeze and said to myself that I have to get up and start all over again. I made up my
mind that I would go away from the city that took away my mother and grandma. I had
to go away for the sake of that beautiful butterfly towards which I was getting attracted.

I made up my mind that whatever comes, I would refrain myself from coming near her
again. I had to feign a fight with her, which would be the most painful in my life.
I had to complete what I started, so on the particular day I was there in the centre for
enrolling myself for the final semester. I observed that Titli was waiting anxiously for me
at the gate.

I observed that her curvaceous frame was dbangd in a brilliant blue coloured sari and
short blouse. The dark colour made a beautiful contrast against her creamy complexion.

Her face was radiant, she sported a beautiful smile on seeing me. She walked towards
me slowly and stood beside me. I forgot all my promises that I made to myself.

I returned a soft smile and asked her, “How are you? What about your result?”

Her feminine fragrance was maddening along with her smile. “I am doing fine and I have
got admission in M.Sc.”

“Good to hear that, I am really happy.” I answered.

“Why you are looking bit down today?” she looked deeply into my eyes.

I thought I was able to overcome all my pains, I didn’t know that still those eyes bore
some marks of affliction. I answered her in a cold voice, “My grandma passed away last
week.”

My words brought tears in her eyes. She almost shrieked, “What? I wanted to meet
her?”

My grandma also wanted to meet with Titli; probably it was not the choice of fate. I said
her, “I am fine, Titli. I have pulled myself up from that and I don’t want to hurl myself in
more pain.”

She was unable to understand as what I meant. She looked deeply in my eyes, “There is
something else in your eyes. You are a hard nut to crack, Adi.” I was not in a mood to
carry on the conversation. She pulled me by my shirt and said, “Come on, drop me
home.”

I did not bring my bike intentionally on that day because I knew that she would ask for a
ride, her touch would melt my agonising conflicting heart and I might commit what I
should not commit. I said to her, “I have not brought my bike. You have to go alone.”

She gave me a perplexed look and asked, “What? I have to go alone? Can’t we take a
taxi?”

I feigned a bad headache, “No Titli, you have to go alone. I am not feeling well today.”
the real ache was wringing my soul.
She smiled and said, “Ok don’t worry, we go to any medical shop to buy some medicine,
then we take a taxi and you drop me home.”

Why can’t you understand Titli? I was about to shout at her, but her ever-smiling lips
and sparkle of her eyes refrained me from doing so. I gave a faint smile and obeyed her.
I kept to myself for the whole ride. She kept on bubbling about how she spent her Puja
holidays with her friends. I gave occasional smiles at her.

“Next week is my birthday and you are coming to my house.” She commanded me as if I
was hers.

“Is that a request or invitation?” I gave a futile smile.

She gave me a stern smiling look, “No, it is neither a request nor invitation, it is my
command and you are going to obey.”

“I will try.” I answered although I knew that I would not be attending her birthday.

“No try, I want you at me place. I have called all of my classmates and friends. There
won’t be any problem.” She said to me.

I made her a false promise, “Ok I promise that I will be there.”

I could make up from her face that she was very happy to be with me after a long
absence and she was happy to hear that I would be there at her birthday.

On that designated day, I restrained myself very hard to make a call to her house to wish
her. I came home in the evening with a bottle of alcohol. After a couple of years, I was
drinking again. I sat on the bed and poured the drink in a glass. All I was able to hear
Anoushka’s voice as few glasses went down my throat. The walls were cowering over
me and vehemently abusing me for being an ill-fated soul. I tried to drown those words
as I poured more drink down my throat. I could fathom the future, I would propose her,
she would be overjoyed, her father would be the hindrance and the result would be a
pair of bloody soul. I made up my mind that I would not go to her birthday party at her
house.

It was late at night the sound of the phone bell shattered the crowded silence around
me.

“Hello..” I stammered.

“What are you doing at home? Why haven’t you come at my birthday?” Titli sounded
very hurt.

My tongue felt dry, I stammered, “Why on earth, should I be present at your birthday?”

“You know why you should be present.” I imagined that her eyes were glistening as her
voice was bit choked. She queried me, “Are you drinking?”

I hissed at her, “Yes I am. You know it very well that our relation cannot materialise due
to your fathers stern nature. So stop playing with me Anoushka.” First time in months, I
called her in proper name.

“Budhaditya, I HATE YOU.” She shouted on the other end and kept the phone.

I pressed the receiver on my chest and looked up the ceiling. Her last words echoed in
the cavern of my ears for long time, “Budhaditya I hate you.” The walls and the windows
also started to voice the same, “Budhaditya I hate you.” I closed my eyes and Titli’s
beautiful deluged eyes were floating in front of me, she whispered in my ears, “I HATE
YOU ADI for hurting me and I hate myself for coming close to you. I do not have the
right to have a good friend like you. Please forgive me.”