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Avani's Journey to the North
#21
Bhai Story achi.... Soch bhi achi hai.... Lekin mujhe kuch points achhe nahi Lage..... Jaise.... Kaunsi married wife kisi ko bhi apna pati maan le jo bas abhi abhi milen ho..... Kaunsi lady apni panty utarvayegi aur chadvayegi ek anjaan insaan se fir woh married lady ho ya fir koi randi hi kyu na ho aesa nahi karegi..... Kaunsi lady apni gand par haath padhte us insaan ko thappad nahi maregi.... Chup chap apne gaand dabvayegi.....
Aap apni story continue rakho dekhte hai kahan se kahan leke jaate ho story ko aap.....
P.S. agar aap apne story ke previous update mein koi changes karte ho toh us changes ko alag font ke color mein likhna taake readers ko puri story fir se na padhne pade..... Thanks
Val Namaskar
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#22
(25-02-2025, 07:48 AM)val.coutinho Wrote: Bhai Story achi.... Soch bhi achi hai.... Lekin mujhe kuch points achhe nahi Lage..... Jaise.... Kaunsi married wife kisi ko bhi apna pati maan le jo bas abhi abhi milen ho..... Kaunsi lady apni panty utarvayegi aur chadvayegi ek anjaan insaan se fir woh married lady ho ya fir koi randi hi kyu na ho aesa nahi karegi..... Kaunsi lady apni gand par haath padhte us insaan ko thappad nahi maregi.... Chup chap apne gaand dabvayegi.....
Aap apni story continue rakho dekhte hai kahan se kahan leke jaate ho story ko aap.....
P.S. agar aap apne story ke previous update mein koi changes karte ho toh us changes ko alag font ke color mein likhna taake readers ko puri story fir se na padhne pade..... Thanks

Same happened with Anita jab bus ride mein ek anjaan usko apne Lund ki maalish krne ko kehta hai aur Anita bina offend huye uske Lund mein tel lagati hai...toh bhai these are fantasy stories jinme hum thoda mirch masala dhundte hn aur maine situation bhi batai hai wrna xossip aur kaafi websites pey sidhe ek din mein sex ho jata hai

We've read so many stories jisme directly sex scenes par aa jate hn usse thoda hatke likhna is not bad but aapka review mujhe achha laga 

Should I continue or not ??
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#23
(25-02-2025, 07:48 AM)val.coutinho Wrote: Bhai Story achi.... Soch bhi achi hai.... Lekin mujhe kuch points achhe nahi Lage..... Jaise.... Kaunsi married wife kisi ko bhi apna pati maan le jo bas abhi abhi milen ho..... Kaunsi lady apni panty utarvayegi aur chadvayegi ek anjaan insaan se fir woh married lady ho ya fir koi randi hi kyu na ho aesa nahi karegi..... Kaunsi lady apni gand par haath padhte us insaan ko thappad nahi maregi.... Chup chap apne gaand dabvayegi.....
Aap apni story continue rakho dekhte hai kahan se kahan leke jaate ho story ko aap.....
P.S. agar aap apne story ke previous update mein koi changes karte ho toh us changes ko alag font ke color mein likhna taake readers ko puri story fir se na padhne pade..... Thanks

Same happened with Anita jab bus ride mein ek anjaan usko apne Lund ki maalish krne ko kehta hai aur Anita bina offend huye uske Lund mein tel lagati hai...toh bhai these are fantasy stories jinme hum thoda mirch masala dhundte hn aur maine situation bhi batai hai wrna xossip aur kaafi websites pey sidhe ek din mein sex ho jata hai

We've read so many stories jisme directly sex scenes par aa jate hn usse thoda hatke likhna is not bad but aapka review mujhe achha laga 

Continue rakhu story??
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#24
Bhai jyada char nhi add avni ko sirf ramu ki hi lugai banao
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#25
(25-02-2025, 11:02 AM)Spnize Wrote: Same happened with Anita jab bus ride mein ek anjaan usko apne Lund ki maalish krne ko kehta hai aur Anita bina offend huye uske Lund mein tel lagati hai...toh bhai these are fantasy stories jinme hum thoda mirch masala dhundte hn aur maine situation bhi batai hai wrna xossip aur kaafi websites pey sidhe ek din mein sex ho jata hai

We've read so many stories jisme directly sex scenes par aa jate hn usse thoda hatke likhna is not bad but aapka review mujhe achha laga 

Should I continue or not ??

(25-02-2025, 11:03 AM)Spnize Wrote: Same happened with Anita jab bus ride mein ek anjaan usko apne Lund ki maalish krne ko kehta hai aur Anita bina offend huye uske Lund mein tel lagati hai...toh bhai these are fantasy stories jinme hum thoda mirch masala dhundte hn aur maine situation bhi batai hai wrna xossip aur kaafi websites pey sidhe ek din mein sex ho jata hai

We've read so many stories jisme directly sex scenes par aa jate hn usse thoda hatke likhna is not bad but aapka review mujhe achha laga 

Continue rakhu story??

Bhai you have taken all things wrong.... I agree Anita ne ek anjaan aadmi ko hand job diya..... lekin aap yeh bhi toh dekho ki scene kya tha.... raat ke time jab jyada tar log so chuke the bus mein..... Lekin jaise aap ne scene banaya.... Avni toh randi ban gayi..... maaf karna main straight forward hi baat karta hu..... Use peshab lagi toh woh waha gayi jaha par gents peshab kar rahe the.... koi bhi lady gents wali jagah jaake peshab nahi karegi..... fir koi aake uski gaand daba de woh bhi pehsab karte waqt kuch ajeeb nahi lagta aapko ??? 

Fantasy hai maan raha hu isiliye bola ki aap continue karo lekin thoda logic bhi add karo...... Ab aage se jo bhi likho thoda soch samaj kar..... chahiye toh post karne se pehle 2 ya 3 baar khud padh lo aur samaj lo kya scene ban raha hai story ke plot mein..... Aesa na ho ki khud ka ijjat ka bhaji pala karlo.....

Please continue the story with utmost caution.... Thats all I would like to say.... If there are any flaws or something I find fishy I will let you know in my comments or I might PM you.... Or I will telll you to edit the parts where your going wrong.... See I'm not a writer but I dont want you to feel bad about negitivity and leave the story.... I'm also not here to degrade or disgrace you..... It takes a lot of time and courage to think and pen it down and post it for others to read..... But like it said above I'm saying it again.... Becareful of what you post.....

Go ahead man I know you will become a good writer.... Everyone fumbles at the start.... One has to struggle in life and here on xossipy too..... Just read imagining the scene..... think over it and then post it...... I wish you all the very best.....
Val Namaskar
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#26
Ab update nhi doge kya bhai
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#27
Please update. Pishab pilao gaand chatvao
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#28
Wait kraane ke liye sorry but I was busy
Aur story ko thoda sudharne ki zarurat thi ab story soch Li hai achhe se kuch din mein jldi update aayega
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#29
(12-03-2025, 03:10 PM)joy2008 Wrote: Please update.  Pishab pilao gaand chatvao
Jaldi update aayegaa bus aap story share krte rahiye
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#30
(25-02-2025, 07:48 AM)val.coutinho Wrote: Bhai Story achi.... Soch bhi achi hai.... Lekin mujhe kuch points achhe nahi Lage..... Jaise.... Kaunsi married wife kisi ko bhi apna pati maan le jo bas abhi abhi milen ho..... Kaunsi lady apni panty utarvayegi aur chadvayegi ek anjaan insaan se fir woh married lady ho ya fir koi randi hi kyu na ho aesa nahi karegi..... Kaunsi lady apni gand par haath padhte us insaan ko thappad nahi maregi.... Chup chap apne gaand dabvayegi.....
Aap apni story continue rakho dekhte hai kahan se kahan leke jaate ho story ko aap.....
P.S. agar aap apne story ke previous update mein koi changes karte ho toh us changes ko alag font ke color mein likhna taake readers ko puri story fir se na padhne pade..... Thanks

Late reply ke liye sorry bro kaafi busy tha aur story mein sudhaar bhi krna tha aapke hisaab se toh thoda time laga
Previous story mein aapke hisaab se woh sence hata diye hn aur kuchh add kya hai end mein toh aap ek baar woh bhi padh lena 

 Jld hi story ka update aa jayega
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#31
(28-02-2025, 11:56 PM)Aman34 Wrote: Ab update nhi doge kya bhai

1-2 din mein aa jayega wait bhai
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#32
Story main xfor um par daal rha hun aap wahan se padh skte ho
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#33
(23-03-2025, 05:28 PM)Spnize Wrote:
Story main xfor um par daal rha hun aap wahan se padh skte ho

Sorry to say but very unprofessional of you to do this as a writer!!!
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