Fantasy Susan Takes Charge by TMaskedWriter

[Ramesh_Rocky]

I would have burst into the study, except that the doors are made of thick, heavy oak, so that wasn't happening. The best I could hope for was a dramatic push-through. Maria, Jeanne, Stavro, Rita, and Colleen were waiting there for me. Colleen was a bit more dressed and a bit less mermaidy than earlier. I thought about doing a dramatic "introducing the crew" thing when I'd first arrived. Then I remembered that all of them knew each other and everyone but Rita had seen each other last night when Colleen picked me up to go out, so there was no point in that.

"I think I know what Lucinda's up to now." I told Maria, walking over to Jeanne's cart, asking if it was ok, and getting myself a bottled water from below. It had been a bit of a run.

"Something to do with her gift, perhaps?" Again, I almost asked Maria how she knew before remembering that she's also been pondering this problem all day from the perspective of someone who understands how these games work; while I've been mostly blundering about the castle until something makes sense.

"Yes. Also, I think I've found Lucinda's source. Not a spy. One of the nannies goes to Mass with Lucinda. Lucinda's been plying the nanny with the seat next to hers on the Holy 50-Yard-Line for information about the kids' education."

Jeanne made a tiny throat-clearing noise. Maria looked over at her and nodded.

"Lady Maria, thinking back on all of La Contessa's other concerns at that time, she may have been too busy to give the nannies her full new employee orientation; which would have included instructions regarding contact outside the castle with La Familia."

Maria nodded at that. It wasn't worth firing Estella over.

"Well, I made her forget she told me." I told Maria. "Helen and Troy, I think, would both agree that we should keep that piece of knowledge to ourselves." Right after that, I thought about who, exactly, was in the room with us. I turned to Rita. "You DO know that the whole 'La Contessa can control minds' thing is one of the few stories about Helen that isn't bullshit, right, Rita? Did I just screw up and now I have to make you forget the last few seconds and come in again while everyone else pretends I didn't just say all this?"

"Oh, no need, I know." Rita said with a smile, enjoying her tea. "La Contessa reasoned that at some point, a situation may arise where knowing the truth about the legends might mean my life and told me early on. She also compelled me not to tell anyone else who did not know and to remember that she pays me enough to not have an issue with this."

I nodded. We have a similar deal with our teenage friend Denise, who's taking care of our house back in Federal Way. (We explained to Denise that the only reason we had to compel her not to tell anyone was because it was the only way we could allow her to remember. She's "caught on to us" a few times, and we all like Denise too much to keep making her forget each time.)

"Ok." I continued. "Maria had an idea about doing it to make you believe that you're Helen." I turned to Maria. "The more I think about that, Maria, the worse an idea it sounds. Rita's a professional, Helen hired her because she knows how to be Helen. Things are sufficiently zany and madcap already without adding more. Why fuck with something that we know works? I think you might just be stressed and overthinking a bit because this is a Helen situation and none of us are her; except sometimes Rita." Maria agreed. "Now, here's what I think Lucinda's up to."

Everyone got closer. There was a fireplace, but it was too warm for it. It would have completed the whole "gathering everyone in the study to make the big reveal" mood.

"Lucinda wants to give Vincenzo and Byroni 'a gift.' She's probably waited until the last second to remind the rest of La Familia that it's a gift-giving situation, so hers will be 'the best.'" I had a thought and gave a little chuckle. "They're probably trying to one-up each other to find something expensive and/or endearing at the last minute."

Jeanne nodded at that. She looked down at her iPad.

"The Front Gate says that there have been several delivery vans from the city coming to the Business Wing this afternoon."

I nodded back and continued.

"I suspect that the Baby section of the castle gift shop's going to get sold out of everything about an hour before, too. But nothing is going to top Cousin Lucinda's gift! It's going to be something extravagant, probably something no one else could or would be able to give them, it's going to involve their religious education..." The last bit dropped into place. "And be something that would make Helen look bad if she refused it in front of La Familia!"

Maria nodded and thought on this.

"Something like using her influence to arrange and pay for their enrollment in a strict and prestigious Catholic Academy! Great-Grandmama would have to at least accept the gift publicly."

"That's the first point to Lucinda." I told her. "The second comes a couple years from now; when Helen's damned if she does or damned if she doesn't actually go through with it and enroll the boys. Then they're either In the Academy, where I'm certain Cousin Lucinda would always have access to them and just become their bestest friend over time, or 'I don't know why Helena wouldn't accept my gift. Does she not care about her children's immortal souls?'"

"A gift that she will sure to bring up at every gathering, and every time she is in church until La Contessa agrees or finally says no." Maria completed it. "Where the People will learn how LUCINDA, at least, has the twins'; and therefore San Finzione's, best interests at heart."

"It's not 'whacking Moe Green and the Dons of the other Four Families during the baptism,' but it's something. And the only way we can stop Lucinda at this point is to make sure she doesn't get to give Helen her gift in front of other people."

Stavro spoke up at this point.

"I am sure she has told enough people about 'her surprise' to have already gained some status from it. She must be stopped from gaining any more."

He was probably right about that. She'd probably bragged about it in church already, so the initial damage had been done, now we needed to contain it.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"I'm sure she's got a cadre of church gossip hens on it already." I turned back to the group. "My problem is that I've been spending the day trying to think like Helen; figure out her game. I see now that I should have left that part to Maria. She, Helen, and Lucinda know how to play this game and I don't. I realize now that I shouldn't have been trying to THINK like Helen in this situation, I should be doing what she'd DO instead; force Lucinda to play MY game! And it's time I started. The other Mes and I cooked up an idea on the way here, it's going to require all of you, and it begins, Jeanne," I said turning to her. "With me asking to use your iPad for a moment."

Jeanne nodded and handed it to me. I brought up that app she used to tell me about the deliveries to the Front Gate and hit the word "Autorimessa."

"Ok, Helen doesn't have any in her own garage, but I know the castle's has a couple, we'll need those." I brought up the castle's garage, found I was looking for, and showed it to Stavro and Colleen. "Can you drive one of these?"

"Neh," Stavro said. Which, having a Greek boyfriend, I know means "yes." "It is not very different from my father's delivery van."

Colleen looked at the image and pondered.

"Never tried, but I'm sure I can just follow Stavro."

"It shouldn't be all that different from a car." I told her. I turned back to the rest of the group, handing Jeanne her iPad back. "Maria, I'm going to need you to keep doing what you've been doing all day, just a bit more of it, and with a twist. Rita, you do whatever you have to do to get into character for Helen and dressed up for the event. Jeanne, your job is to... well, be Jeanne and follow Helen around."

Everyone nodded, then Maria spoke.

"And what will your part of the plan be, Susan?"

I walked over to Helen's desk. There was a pen and stationary already on it. I sat down and picked up the pen.

"I've got a speech to write for Helen." I told them. "And some more instructions for a couple of you. I've been approaching this all wrong. The is the first step in Lucinda's longer-term power game. Some kind of Godfather game. Like I said before, that's the one that the three of you know how to play, but I don't. I need to change things over to a different 70s movie. One I've seen more times."

I turned back to the desk and started writing.

"We're gonna 'Animal House' this shit!"

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Susan Takes Charge Pt. 05

By Special Guest Author Susan Bailey and T. MaskedWriter

***

"Dear Mr. Occupant, to whom it may concern.
I thought I'd leave this note for you to read on your return.
Your daughter came to see us play, me and all the band.
And since you're not around today, I knew you'd understand
if we...
FUCK YOUR DAUGHTER! WRECK YOUR HOME!
CALL LONG-DISTANCE ON YOUR PHONE!
EAT UP ALL YOUR FOOD AND STEAL YOUR BEER!"
-Sloppy Seconds, "Steal Your Beer"

Because La Familia didn't get invited over to the Palace Wing often, red velvet ropes and signs advising the way to the Banquet Hall had been put up. The stated purpose of these cordons and signs was that it had been so long since La Contessa had seen them, she didn't want them getting lost on what little time they'd have together tonight. The true reason, as you might have guessed, is to keep any of them from wandering off to where they might find something to steal. (A command that I know Helen HAS given to all of La Familia, after those first couple visits, was a mysterious and irresistible compulsion to make sure all silverware they "found" has been returned; and anything that "fell into their pockets or bags" be put back where it "fell from" before they can leave, remembering only once they were halfway down La Collina that they'd meant to steal something, but it must've slipped their minds.)

A few Ultimados were, as usual, poorly; disguised as servants in the areas they were most likely to stray towards to "help them back," forcibly if needed, to an approved area. Before they became La Familia Royale's elite guard, La Squadra de Ultimados was San Finzione's special forces unit. Because it's only been in the past two years that they've taken on their new role, their training in undercover work has been lacking. Helen's been working on that; especially with the two Ultimados who live across the street from our house in Federal Way full-time now, watching over "some highly valuable foreign assets of San Finzione's." (Us. Troy, Julie, and I are the "highly valuable foreign assets." It applies only to Troy & Julie now; however, Helen says that's because as a Citizen of San Finzione, I'm now a "highly valuable domestic asset.") Dr. Paul and Marisol Green, our new Greens Across the Street, are a much more convincing couple than the last pair.

For most of the castle, the work day was ending, and buses were coming to take them down La Collina and to the car park at the bottom of the hill. There weren't as many ending their shift today as usual. That was because around 3 o'clock, some of them were advised by Lady Maria and Jeanne carrying "La Contessa's orders" (We just didn't specify which Contessa.) that they would be needed to stay late tonight, but that it would be worth their while. I saw the workers for the castle's print shop hurry on board, having just carried out a last-minute job for La Contessa before the end of the day.

"We have to do several things here." I told my crew before we parted. "The first is 'not really hurt anyone, because they WILL all be Maria's family in there.'" Waiting for the shift change to go into action would minimize potential bystanders. I turned on my iPad and did the part of this that might be considered "light treason" if I didn't have La Contessa-in-Reggenza's approval; I signed in to that app that Jeanne has that lets her monitor stuff around the castle. Since Jeanne was the only person meant to use it, there wasn't an option to locate her, so I pressed the button for La Contessa.

The app informed me that La Contessa was not in the castle, ("Thank you, Susan, but our Contessa is in another castle.") but that Rita was currently posing as her at the castle's gift shop. Patching into the gift shop's cameras showed "Helen" rounding up a stop-in and shaking hands with a couple of tourists before getting into her own dress for the reception. Jeanne was in the background, standing next to her cart, which was plugged in to a nearby outlet and charging.

I smiled. She was doing something that I knew the real Helen enjoyed doing; meeting tourists and giving them a story to take back home. Over a year ago, Helen was doing the same thing when someone ran out of the tour group and stabbed her. As soon as she was able to again, she went right back to doing it. A little more careful, and maybe with some more Ultimados lurking just out of earshot, but she wasn't going to let that fuck stop her from doing something she loved. I looked around the shop for a moment. As I suspected, members of La Familia were trying not to be noticed buying out the last of the items in the Baby section.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Jeanne," I told her before we all broke off to do our things. "I'm going to need to borrow your cart. I'm also going to need you to show me how this button works."

I made my way to my room to start getting dressed for the reception, being careful to watch where I was going as I looked for Maria on the app. She was in the kitchen. I patched into those cameras and saw her giving instructions to the kitchen staff. They were reacting like she'd just told them that she had a lot more work for them. Maria told them something else, and the grumbles turned to cheers as they started working harder. I saw her get a text, look at it, and smile. A few seconds later, I got one from Colleen. Maria had presumably gotten the same message, or a similar one from Stavro about their part of the plan.

There was still almost an hour before the reception, but as I'd predicted, some of La Familia had started trickling into the Banquet Hall. A bar had been set up, and one of the four bartenders was already busily engaged in taking orders. The other three were hanging back, knowing that the rush was coming any second and that they'd all be busy soon. I strolled past the Nursery door with the big sign on it that read "Absolutely No Smoking, Helen. In fact, why don't you just leave them in the little basket before you go in. Nobody will touch them." The sign on the other door read "Everyone Else, No Smoking and Leave La Contessa's Cigarettes Alone." The nannies were getting the twins ready for their appearance as well. I decided to not peek in and let myself be surprised at how they might possibly make them even cuter.

I shuddered at my vision of the future that Lucinda had in store for them: Some ultra-religious boarding college where kids get flogged for whistling on a Tuesday. And since they're the new fish in the pond, the only ones they'll have are each other. So, of course, the college will separate them. The fact that they're twins aside, they're also the sons of Troy Equals. If you want to put them in Hell, cut them off from their best friend.

Both would learn that the only person that they can turn to when God doesn't seem to be listening is Cousin Lucinda. I spent enough of my own childhood in group homes to know what that kind of completely alone is like. Having someone to listen to my problems and "have a talk with" people and get them taken care of like Lucinda would do for them? The kind of things I'd do for that person if they came to me later in life, wanting "a little favor?"

There was no "if" about it; no "someday, if you work hard, you might be rich and famous." These boys were already rich and famous. What they do with their lives will be talked about on the internet and put in history books. With an upbringing like that and a role model like her, I shuddered again at the thought of what those books might say. I swore to myself that it wouldn't happen, and all three of the women in my head agreed as we went to get dressed.

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Suzy-Ho's sex-filtered view of human nature seemed to be correct. It tends to be.

About two-thirds of the members of La Familia who worked on the Business Side were going home for the day and didn't look like they had any plans to come back. Some might've been going home to change or get their gift, but most of them had that "end of the day, get the fuck out of here" look on their faces. That still meant about a hundred would be coming. A large enough crowd to bear witness to Lucinda's Grand Gesture.

My assessment from this morning about most of them showing up early to load up on free booze was also turning out to be correct. Lucinda hadn't given them enough warning for there to be any fashionable latecomers. Lucinda wouldn't be late, either. She'll be looking to make an entrance. Be seen, like a Contessa. And she's expecting to be praised and celebrated after. She won't want to miss a moment.

Between both mine and Suzy-Ho's assessments of human nature, the ones that were coming to the party were the ones who weren't smart enough to figure out that Lucinda was up to something that they didn't want to be caught in the middle of and thought a couple of hours of free booze and food was worth rushing out to scrounge up a gift of some kind. Jeanne's app told me that the ATMs in the Business Wing needed emergency restocking. It also said that she'd put in the service call while I'd been showering and getting dressed up. I anticipated a lot of envelopes of cash, mostly Società Finzione office envelopes.

I mentioned back at the beginning of all this how much things have changed for me lately. One of those changes that overwhelms me sometimes is how I've gone from "owning clothes" to "having a wardrobe." The realization that I "had something" for an occasion like this was one of those. I put something together and brought up the iPad again.

I checked the Business Wing on the app. Lucinda was leaving her office. If there were cameras in there, we didn't have access to them, but that must have been where Lucinda changed for the evening. I couldn't really track Lucinda through the castle, but I was pretty sure of the route she'd be taking. (Helen wouldn't be foolish enough to make some sort of universal "run the whole castle" app; that's just asking for someone to hack in or for it to gain sentience and try to kill everyone!)

It was time to get moving. I messaged Jeanne about the cart and she said it was outside my door. Sure enough, there it was, fully charged. The other things I needed were on it, too. I began pushing it toward the Great Hall.

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

As I'd sort of hoped, I ran into Lucinda de San Finzione in the Great Hall, while standing with the cart in front of one of the signs marking the way to the reception. Her snooty rich person instinct to overlook servants almost caused her to look past me and the cart, until she noticed who was with it and walked over. She was wearing a white dress, probably a designer label of some kind. I think the look she was going for was "angelic," but it really didn't work. That could have been because I knew who she was.

"Susan," She said with a smile. "Er... I did not expect to see you with La Contessa's maid's cart." (Of course, she wouldn't have bothered learning Jeanne's name.) "Will you be serving at the reception this evening?"

"Lucinda!" I said back with a smile that I hoped looked as fake as hers. "Oh, no... er, no. Jeanne's going to be pushing the twins in their stroller this evening, so I'm taking her cart back to her quarters for her. It's the kind of thing I do to be nice." I gave a brief pause before switching from English to Italian. "'Nice' is a word in the dictionary, Lucinda."

I could tell by the look on her face that it was a revelation that I spoke Italian. That little "Si... er, yes" thing she'd been doing before had been deliberate. Because most of the People of San Finzione ("San Finzionean" refers to the culture and the country. Someone who's from here is either a Citizen. Person, or one of the People of San Finzione.) speak at least two of the four official languages. Because the economy depends on visitors having a pleasant experience in San Finzione, it's considered only good manners, if you're able to speak to someone in their native language, to accommodate them. Yes, I had been a bad citizen by pretending not to know Italian, so I could foist La Familia off on an Ultimado. That little "Si... er, yes" of hers let you know she was doing you a favor.

"A very Christ-like thing of you to do." Lucinda responded in Italian. "'Christ' is a word in the Bible, Susan."

"I'm aware." I told her. "I've read parts of it. Check out Exodus some time. Moses was seriously the world's first total badass."

"Exodus 22:18 is a particular favorite of mine." Lucinda replied. "'Suffer not a witch to live.'"

"I like Ezekiel 25:17." I told her. "The Samuel L. Jackson version, anyway."

"And I presume that, like La Contessa, you do not take Leviticus 18:22 to heart."

Here's something that most people who weren't Wards of the State as kids might not know about. That whole "separation of church and state" thing that, like most things, Americans only care about when it affects them, meets some gray areas when it comes to orphans. Most of the people who donate or volunteer to work with us have some kind of religious motivation. Once in a great while, you'll get someone like Troy, giving their money or time because they're that sort of person; but it's usually either some local politician who's just dropping off a couple coloring books for a political ad or someone looking to score points with their God or their church; almost never in that order.

Or, if you go into the foster system, you're introduced to a new God every month who's the REAL one, unlike all those others you were promised the same thing about. You're going to get religion pushed on you one way or another. Either none of it sticks, or too much of it sticks, and you get some fucked-up adults as a result. I'm not as bad as Helen about it; I think the only way the universe makes sense is if all of this shit is for SOMEONE'S amusement. My point is that this was not my first Bible Fight.

"Let me tell you something about that particular passage, Lucinda. The Bible contains four sentences on the subject of homosexuality. In that same book, there are twelve sentences on the subject of proper hat etiquette in church. It has three times as much to say on that subject; so it must be three times as important to merit that much Holy Word Count. Do you sincerely expect me to believe that a God who cares THAT much about accessorizing is COMPLETELY straight?"

She gave a little chuckle, then crossed herself for it.

"You must come to my office some time for a proper discussion on this subject." She replied. I wasn't sure if that was a come-on or not. I presumed not. "For now, I have a reception to attend."

"What are you after, Lucinda?" I finally decided to just ask her. "You've gone to a lot of effort to make this happen. What are you hoping to gain? Status?"

"Ha!" Lucinda Ha-ed. "Status? I have status to spare. If you, yourself, should ever need some status, help yourself to the box outside my door that will say 'Free Surplus Status!' MY concern is the MORAL direction that San Finzione has taken since Count Vincenzo passed; forever does HE reign in our hearts!"

(Ok, remember what I said about how you're supposed to say that when talking about him? Well, there are two ways to say it. The first is how you'd think it's meant, out of love and respect for the Count's memory. Then there's the second way to say it that means contempt for Helen for "fucking our beloved Count to death and stealing his throne." Tone of voice and which word you emphasize make the difference. Lucinda was clearly using the second one.)

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Thank you, Lucinda." I replied. "But that book you're so fond of is pretty clear on what happens when you accept gifts from snakes."

The smile that got from her was one I've seen on Sue's, and therefore, my, face before. The smile of respect gained for standing up to someone. She was conceding for the moment.

"I have somewhere else to be. I shall see you there, Sue." She said the name experimentally. I'd gotten a rise out of her, so she wanted to see if calling me something other than Susan would get a rise out of me. Fortunately, she picked the right one.

"You know, something, Lucinda? I've always preferred Susan. I don't 'do' nicknames. But I think I like the idea of you calling me Sue. Just you, Lucinda. Nobody else. See you there."

Lucinda walked off quickly, trying not to look like she was storming, however, was still in a hurry. I whistled "Sunny Afternoon" by The Kinks as she departed. It's just always struck me as a good "pulling a caper" song. Once she was out of sight, I switched the sign for the Reception for La Familia with another and pressed a button on the cart.

* * *

The other feature of Jeanne's cart was coming in handy for this part of the plan. Helen is a runner. Most of her childhood was spent running from her biological father or the security officer, so she's good at it. With all the smoking she does, I don't think she could represent San Finzione in the Olympics, but she's had as much experience as any professional athlete. Jeanne often has to keep up with her around the castle while pushing a cart full of beverages and appliances. Again, Castle Finzione is a big place, and Helen's not a cruel boss; she doesn't expect Jeanne to be able to keep up her pace or have to push this thing around by herself while she does it. That's why, when the button I pushed gets pushed, a little stand pops out of the cart, Jeanne gets on, and the electric motor activates. It handles like one of those mobility scooters and can get up to about 25 miles an hour if the halls are clear, like just after a shift change. Although I'm not sure if Helen can run that fast or not, Jeanne's able to keep pace with her, and the motor is also quiet enough to not interfere with conversation.

This is how I was able to replace all the signs for the reception with the new ones we got from the Print Shop right before they closed for the day behind Lucinda as she went along and get to the Banquet Hall in time for her entrance.

Just outside the Banquet Hall, Maria intercepted Lucinda for a couple of minutes as well to buy me that time.

"This is Lucinda's show." I'd explained earlier. "She's not going to be late or early to it, she's going to shoot for being precisely on time to make her entrance, because that's what a Contessa would do. They all know she's responsible for the free meal; or if they don't, she'll make certain they learn first thing, so she won't make a beeline for Helen to give her gift, but we still need to delay her entrance a couple of minutes. I'll have a 'run-in' with her on her way here. Maria, if you can arrange another, a minute more can't hurt."

I found Jeanne by the head of one of the tables by the buffet sideboards that had been set up. Servants stood by, ready for the clock to strike seven to uncover the chafing dishes. I knew that making them wait until you were damn good and ready to serve them was a tactic that Helen used to keep them in line. Something Helen had said about them before was "These people care about two things: Filling their stomachs and filling their pockets; both preferably on your dime." She had the twins in a double-stroller. They were napping. The nannies had put little hats and baby sunglasses on them for the bright lights of the hall. They looked like this wasn't their first party tonight, and they probably had another one to go to after this, so better rest up for it. I was about to ask Jeanne where Rita was when I caught the smell of Helen's cigarettes and looked for the smoke, instead. (The Banquet Hall is big enough that we weren't overly concerned about smoke and the babies. A little fan on top of the stroller was gently blowing in case any trailed their direction.)

Contessa Helena de San Finzione, or at least, a reasonable facsimile thereof, stood talking to two men. I didn't know their names, and I was reasonably sure that Rita didn't either, but we'd thought of that earlier, too.

"Helen probably doesn't really know all of their names." I'd said. "Or, since it's Helen, she probably DOES know all of their names, but she'll selectively forget to remind them how little she thinks of them. We can use that to our advantage. If someone tries to corner you about 'that thing we talked about last month,' Helen would pretend not to remember and make them re-tell the whole thing, so knowing who's who is easily bluffed."

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Well," La Contessa told the two men. "That's the kind of secretary you get when you look at the cup sizes before the resumes, so I don't know what kind of sympathy you were expecting, but I'll go ask if we have any leftover in the kitchen for you. Excuse me."

She approached me as the clock began striking the hour.

"Susan, darling!" La Contessa said, wrapping her arms around me. "So good to see you!"

"I live here, Helen," I whispered to Rita. "You've seen me a bunch of times today, because we've both been home most of the day, remember?"

"Well, obviously, I mean in that ensemble." Rita replied with a smile, correcting. "I just feel like I'm seeing you again for the first time."

I smiled back at that, wondering if that was Rita's opinion or what she thought Helen's would be.

At the stroke of seven, the doors at the end of the hall by the bar opened. Lucinda de San Finzione strode through purposefully, proudly, making certain everyone saw her and her lovely outfit. She surveyed the room, presumably looking for Helen or the twins. Then her eyes lit on me standing and talking to Helen.

Her eyes widened when she saw the reason we were watching her on the cameras and she figured out the purpose of our little meeting in the Hall. Maria's interception was just to give me time to get there first. Mine was the one that was essential for the first step of the plan.

I mentioned earlier how it sometimes catches me off guard that I've gone from "owning clothes" to "having a wardrobe." Helen has wardrobes; plural. Multiple closets, with multiple racks of outfits for every occasion. Helen probably has everything in there, if you just know what you're looking for and have time to find it. I knew that whatever Lucinda was wearing, there was a better-than-average chance that Helen would already have that exact outfit.

I just needed to buy Jeanne time to find it, get Rita into it, make sure she wears it MUCH fucking better than Lucinda, and make her entrance ten minutes before Lucinda got there to make hers. Every eye was on her as she entered the room, and hers was on Helen, rocking that Angelic look she'd been hoping to pull off.

Lucinda's eyes went from "Helen's" to mine. I saw in them that she'd figured out immediately who was behind this, and what the purpose of our meeting in the Great Hall was. She gave me a stare to let me know "It's on."

I stepped back in my head for a moment to let Sue give her the "Congratulations, you've finally gotten one right" look back. Because indeed, it was.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Susan Takes Charge Pt. 06

By Special Guest Author Susan Bailey and T. MaskedWriter

***

"I'll see you at the weighing-in, when your life sum total's made.
And you set your wealth in godly deeds against the sins you've laid.
So you place your final burden on your hard-pressed next-of-kin.
Send the chamber pot back down the line to be filled up again.
Take your mind off your election
and try to get it straight.
And don't pretend perfection;
you'll be crucified too late."
-Jethro Tull, "Lick Your Fingers Clean"

It can be embarrassing picking out exactly the right outfit for a special occasion, then when you arrive, finding out that another woman is wearing the same thing. For both of them. Unless one of those women is Contessa Helena de San Finzione (Or, at least, a cleverly disguised Rita Delvecchio.), who made her grand entrance several minutes earlier, and the other is Lucinda de San Finzione, who just followed her wearing the same dress. In THAT case, La Contessa is the "visionary trendsetter," and Lucinda is just the follower.

Lucinda was trying to recover, glad-handing the people whom she'd probably just seen at the office an hour or two earlier. That gave me a moment to turn back to "Helen" and give her a little wink. I looked around and made certain that the boys weren't in earshot, and neither was Lucinda. I channeled my drunkenness from the night before to pretend to stumble into Helen. I raised my voice just enough to be heard over party chatter, trying to slip the command into normal conversation.

"Oh, my goodness, Helen!" I said in Italian, making sure she hadn't spilled her drink on herself. Luckily, Rita knew it was coming and was enough of a pro to recognize that the moment wasn't right for a pratfall, so she managed not to. She followed my lead to laugh it off as I put my arm around her. "I am so sorry!" I said, before giving the command. "This is my good friend, Contessa Helena de San Finzione, everyone!"

It wasn't the perfect solution. I'd have to come up with an excuse to do something like that a couple more times, say it to a few of them face-to-face; but a large enough group near us now, if Rita's performance thus far hadn't convinced them, deeply understood that Rita was Helen. We'd opened up the buffet before Lucinda showed up as well, to be sure they'd be more concerned with filling their plates than turning their heads for her entrance.

That same effect, putting their brains into "consume mode," meant that I didn't have to command the entire room at once like I'd thought. Rita looked like Helen and she was feeding them and giving them booze; they weren't going to question it. The smart ones who might have been a worry in that department were home by now, probably telling their individual families about "some stupid thing Lucinda tried to rope us all into after work this evening."

A microphone with a podium had been set up for Helen to give a speech. I could have gone up to it, tried to test myself; see if I had Helen's level of power and control to issue a command to everyone except My People on that large a scale. But I still didn't know what Lucinda knew about The Thing. If she's after proof, I'd not only be giving it to her, but letting her know that others besides Helen can do it. I don't think she knew that Troy & Julie could, but if she suspected Helen, and I gave her the "demonstration" Helen's enemies always want, they'd only follow logically. Thinking Lucinda had only one objective tonight would be a mistake.

I came up with my own solution to the "how to control the room like Helen" problem by remembering the main lesson I'd learned today; that I am not Helen and shouldn't try to be. I DON'T have the kind of cagey criminal mind needed to keep three steps ahead of the world's worst lowlifes, so I need to stop pretending that I do and have my incredibly weird one, instead. Someone in the room was already trying to be Helen. And Rita was crushing her at it. I could see nothing to be gained and a whole lot to be lost by making that move, so I didn't. Instead, I gave Rita another signal to start making her way to the microphone. Once she did, I moved to intercept Lucinda.

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Lucy, dear!" I said with a smile as I blindsided her from the crowd. Hey, I've told the bitch she can call me Sue, let's see how she like Lucy. "I thought you'd never make it."

"Lucinda." She immediately let me know that she didn't. "Of La Familia de San Finzione," she continued in Italian. "Founding familia of the Sovereign County and Independent Nation-State of San Finzione. Remind me, Susan, dear. What are the Baileys known for again?"

"Irish Cream." I responded in the same tongue. "Also a song about a guy who got out of a bad relationship and needs to tell the singer who keeps promising him the world to come back to fuck off, because people like her never learn anything. We didn't feel the need to put our name on everything. There's also a porn actress whom I'm told I kind of look like that uses the name; but if she's any relation, my parents didn't tell me before they died."

"Why, I'm so sorry." Lucinda said in a tone that made it clear that she wasn't. "I was unaware you were an orphan. It must be horrible not knowing where you are from."

"It can be hard." I answered. "Having no storied family history of great achievements that I personally had nothing to do with to take undue pride in forces me to make my own."

"I'm certain you're used to having to make your own things in this world."

"Well," I replied with a sweet smile. "Not all of us can just look at what Helen does and copy her, Lucinda."

"Yes, a nice one there." Lucinda acknowledged. "If that were truly La Contessa and not the actress she pays to fill in for her at events, it would have been more embarrassing."

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, Lucinda." I lied. I figured it was time to start doing that with her.

"We both know that La Contessa is in Paris, fucking and sucking that Greek pimp and his other whore? Did you truly think the ruler of San Finzione could vanish for a month and no one would notice? Of course I knew. Why do you think this is all happening tonight?"

"The only reason I can think that your mind might make that paranoid leap, Lucinda, is that you were hoping that if Helen DOES have a double, and that's not an admission of anything; the double wouldn't have known better than to accept the poisoned apple you've brought for the twins. Or to refuse in a way that you can use to score points with your church group. On that note, and in case you thought I missed the 'other whore' dig back there; I have more respect for a woman who goes down on her knees in an alley for money than I do for one who does the same in church for the sake of being seen doing it."

Lucinda gave a smile at that, opened her purse, and produced a sealed envelope wrapped with a red ribbon.

"My concern is the future of San Finzione. For the souls of the heirs and the nation!"

"Based on how you've fucked up having one of your own, Lucinda, I'm not letting you anywhere near theirs." The crowd started murmuring and turning toward the podium. "Now if you'll excuse me, Lucinda, a CONTESSA is about to speak."

"Evening, everyone. I see some of you have found the bar already." She said, looking out at La Familia. "I know we're pressed for time tonight, so the chefs are bringing the dessert trolleys out now. I haven't seen many of you since before the boys were born, and I know how grateful most of you are for that fact." She gave a pause. There was a nervous laugh in the crowd. She accepted it and moved on.

"And, of course, I have to thank dear Lucinda for orchestrating all of this. It was her insistence that made this whole evening possible. Let's hear it for Lucinda de San Finzione, everyone!"

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Some applauded as they looked for Lucinda. Most were carrying plates or seated at the tables, so settled for tapping silverware against glasses or dishes. I looked over at the gift table, which was about a third full. Large stuffed animals stood over toys that they wouldn't be ready to play with for years. A little battery-operated kids' car was parked in front of the table. Someone had given the twins a pair of cork guns. Did anyone even MAKE cork guns anymore? Or had someone gone home and grabbed an old toy off a shelf or from a box in the attic? The presence of a dusty Easy-Bake Oven told me "probably the second one." A page like the one who'd gotten me from Colleen's house back when all this started was holding a purse and a clipboard so the guests who'd brought the envelopes of cash could make certain La Contessa knew who'd given the twins how much. One corner was taken up by a pile of onesies, sun-hats, pacifiers, and rattles, all with the words "San Finzione" on them in bright, friendly letters. A number of them bore the silhouette of Castle Finzione on top of La Collina that served as the castle's logo on signs and tourists' clothing like these items.

"And all the little tourist clothes from the castle gift shop?" Rita continued. "Just adorable! You know, I've been getting a LOT of parenting advice lately, whether I ask or not; and with twins, you'd think the advice only doubles, but that's not even cutting it close. And none of it; the books, the doctors, the other parents, the random people who think having a child equates to wanting their opinions; suggested making the boys wear the name and picture of their home in case they ever forget where they live or what country they'll someday rule. It's very thoughtful. Now, I know some of you have brought special gifts..."

She started looking out over the crowd. I reached into my own purse.

"Well, Lucinda." I told her, making a show of turning to one side to reach into the bag. "It's time for me to be exactly what you think I am: Uncultured, American swine."

She leaned in close to look at what I might be getting out of my purse. I pulled out an envelope of my own as swiftly as possible, using the motion to elbow Lucinda in the stomach. She managed to keep from doubling over but dropped her envelope.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that, sweetie!" I said in a voice that I used to use after refilling the coffee cup of some asshole who'd been a bit too loud telling his buddy what he'd like to do to the waitress and "accidentally" knocking it onto him. Which, I'm terribly sorry, sir. I must not have seen it because those titties you were telling your friend you wanted to do all those things to got in the way. Let me go get you another cup and some paper towels.

"Thank you, Helen!" I said loudly, and in English, as I made my way through the crowd to Rita. "My friend, Contessa Helena de San Finzione, everyone." I commanded again once I felt I was far enough away from Lucinda. I started applauding, and the mixture of applause and clinking dishware returned. "I'm sorry, I couldn't contain my excitement any longer. I'm from America you know, everyone says we're rude like that. And I'm so proud of my gift that I just couldn't contain myself any longer and just had to be first." I looked in Lucinda's direction. "I'm sure there will be better, more expensive ones, but this is so cool, I just HAD to be first."

I presented the envelope to Rita.

"Some of you may or may not know that I am a serious Trekkie; yes, girls can like Star Trek, too. And, well, I've enrolled Vincenzo and Byroni in Star Fleet Academy!" I excitedly told the crowd. "I printed out the details earlier, it's a kooky little summer camp that some fans have come up with. A Star Trek camping experience. The kids go on 'away missions' into the forest, always supervised by adults in red shirts. I mean, you don't think they're gonna make the kids the Redshirts, do ya?" I laughed. "They play little Star Trek trivia games and teach the kids the values of the Federation; something any future ruler should learn. It's a few years off, of course, but whenever they're ready for it, I've gotten a lifetime enrollment for both of them." I looked directly at Lucinda for the next part. "And I can't think there's a better set of values and ethics for the future rulers of San Finzione to learn early on than those."

Rita's reaction was to give me the most delighted of Helen's patented Delighted-to-Meet-You smiles before also turning to Lucinda.

"Thank you, Susan. You're right, there will probably be more extravagant, lavish gifts than yours; but I know that yours comes from the heart, and that you only have their best interests in mind. We accept!"

La Familia cheered on cue. This was something else we planned at the meeting before we all broke up to perform our individual tasks.

"We have a good enough idea of what Lucinda's gift is going to be." I told the others as I turned on Helen's computer and printer. "I need to do what I heard a guy in a mobster movie once describe as 'taking the jam out of her donut.' I read about this cool thing and thought about getting it for them a couple years from now, but if I can take a big shit on Lucinda's gift by being sure to proudly, boisterously give them mine first, that's a far better cause."

The cheers hadn't been overwhelming, but they didn't need to be. They just needed to be loud enough to ensure that if Lucinda tried to give hers right after, it would make her look as foolish as... well, as going to a party wearing the same outfit as Helen and trying to follow her act, I suppose.

I stepped back and took a little bow. Like Lucinda, I had more than one goal tonight, and the second was about to be achieved.

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Helen took the microphone again. (You all get that "Helen" is Rita by now, right? I'd hate to have lost you there.)

"Thank you again, Susan." She said into the mike. "I know you always have their best interests at heart. That's why I want you to be Vincenzo's godmother. And I'm sure you all know that my oldest, dearest friend in the world; the great American artist Julie Equals, is going to be Byroni's." She looked directly at Lucinda. "Of course, it won't be OFFICIAL until the actual ceremony down at the cathedral, and that might matter to SOME people, but I know that it's what's in your heart that matters." She turned back to me with a loving smile. "And I can see that they'll forever reign in your heart as they do in mine." She turned back to the crowd.

"Some have speculated as to who their godfathers will be. I haven't said anything to the public yet, because I felt that a matter worth serious consideration: Which man in this world do I trust enough to safeguard my boys' souls? And why it's taken me this long to answer that is because the answer was so obvious that I wanted to give other ideas a sporting chance first. I did so, to be fair, and that one name continued to stand out in my mind. The only man that I COULD trust with their future: Generalissimo Hernando Ramirez, Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces of San Finzione."

Helen gave a few seconds' pause to let the murmurs pass through the crowd before resuming.

"I know that he is the best choice, as he was for the task of defending the entire nation. Some have always questioned his choice for the task, but I never will." She looked to Lucinda again for the conclusion.

"I have faith in him, you see."

That was my secondary objective. It was time for the People to let up on Ramirez. I'd called him and asked if he'd wanted to be a part of things tonight. He thanked me, but rightly pointed out that he's a busy man who doesn't have time for this sort of thing and wasn't why he gave me his direct number. He didn't disapprove of my plan, though. And I knew Helen would like the idea and go along. The whole "bringing our weird little family unit closer together" thing was Helen's primary reason for going through with a baptism. And the Generalissimo is at least a peripheral member of that family. A move like this would restore the People's confidence in him. He agreed to that part of the plan, at least.

While we'd been talking, Jeanne pushed the stroller over by the door closest to us. She bent down, made a sniffing noise, and picked up young Lord Vincenzo. She held him for a second, and then he started fussing, like Byroni did when I took him away from his brother for too long. Looking back down in the stroller, I saw that same look on his tiny face. Jeanne was about to put Vincenzo back down, when I gave her a little hand signal not to. This was the next, most essential step of the plan.

"After we've made our points," I told them back before all of this. "The next part relies on the twins. Luckily, it's a job that newborn babies are totally up for: Give Mommy any excuse whatsoever to take them out of the room." The fussing soon evolved into crying from both of them, giving Helen that excuse.

"I'm sorry, everyone." Helen told the room. "They're babies, they do this kind of thing. We kind of thought something like this might happen. Luckily, Lucinda was kind enough to provide us with a Plan B for the evening. I'm afraid bedtime is going to have to come a bit early. What're ya gonna do, ya know? Susan, dear, would you be so kind as to take charge?"

I nodded. Helen returned the microphone to the stand. She walked over to Jeanne and the babies, made some shushing noises, and the two of them proceeded to push the stroller out together as Rita Delvecchio made her exit from the scene.

And with that, I stepped up to the microphone and proceeded to take charge.

* * *

"Thank you everyone." I said to the room. "Lucinda." I stopped to mention by name. I looked over at her, trying to play cool, but also trying to figure out what "her" Plan B was. Now it was time for MY educational gift to her.

"I guess you were right, Lucinda. It WAS foolish to expect month-old babies to be ready for something like this."

Right on cue, Colleen poked her head out of one of the kitchen exits and gave me a signal. Stavro entered the room with Maria and did the same.

"Contessa Helena de San Finzione is," I told the crowd. "Above all else, the servant of The People. She has always been deeply concerned that their voices be heard. Why, she went so far as to create a Citizens' Grievance Office for that very purpose; to make certain the voices that need hearing the most get heard. When La Contessa mentioned to Lucinda that the boys might not be ready for such fine company as your illustrious selves, Lucinda came up with a brilliant idea to turn it to our advantage. After all, is not the motto of La Familia de San Finzione Malum Pro Bono Mutuamur?" ("We Derive Good from Evil." A long time ago, I said that harnessing evil for good seemed to be the San Finzione way. That was more literal than it may have sounded at the time.)

While I'd been talking, the kitchen staff finished bringing out the trolleys full of what Maria had asked them to stay late earlier to make. It was time to reveal what the signs I'd put up to replace the ones leading to the reception said.

"And so, for the next two hours, I'd like to welcome you all to 'Lucinda de San Finzione, in conjunction with the Citizen's Grievance Office presents A Lock-In With La Familia!"

This was what I needed Stavro and Colleen for, and why I needed to see if the castle had a couple of extra buses on hand. They drove the two largest ones back to Stavro's office, and that's when the Citizens' Grievance Office went to work; calling up everyone on lists C, and especially D, and inviting them to an opportunity to take up their grievances with a member of La Familia directly. As it happened, a number of their grievances happened to BE with members who would be in attendance, and the two buses were swiftly filled, thanks to Colleen's experience organizing a lot of cranky people in and out of large vehicles. (Colleen was a flight attendant when she and Helen met. Now she's the head of HR for Air Finzione. Good things happen when these people like you.)

[Ramesh_Rocky]

The short notice meant that Stavro only got the hundred bitchiest, crankiest, nothing-better-to-do-this-eveningest ones to come into the office and crowd onto the buses for the ride up to the Castle. He'd barely even had to use the incentive we were offering them that was now being unveiled by the kitchen staff.

"There will be pie."

Indeed, there was pie. Maria explained to the kitchen staff what was going to happen and how she wanted special desserts for the occasion, and that if any of them had any grievances with La Familia, that they were welcome to attend themselves. All they had to do was put in a little overtime making cream and pudding pies like we needed enough of them to stop an army of clowns from invading San Finzione. They were beyond happy to stay late and put in the extra work. The hardest part had been finding staff willing to take La Familia's abuse for the next couple hours with a straight face, knowing what was coming. The Thing DID help a little there, I admit.

Palace guards locked all of the doors out of the Banquet Hall except two; the one that the rest of my team would be making our escape through, and the one that The People of San Finzione were now crowding through, grabbing a couple drinks from the bar or a plate of their own from the buffet, and finding their own personal favorite San Finzione to corner and berate. I lost sight of Lucinda in the wave that surged toward her.

As my team made our way to our exit, the last group of people to come in before the other entrance was locked emerged. Their appearance was the... well, whipped cream on top of the pie.

"One last thing." I'd said. "One little 'Helen touch' for good measure: Invite the press."

Photographers began snapping pictures and reporters began taking notes on the various arguments going on around them. I listened to people complain about yappy dogs, mailmen who only deliver bills, kids listening to too much rock & roll these days, what the government is doing about GMO vaccines in the chemtrails, why Daftpunk is outlawed in San Finzione, and numerous problems with neighbor kids and fences; while I made my way to the rest of the group. The kitchen staff had thoughtfully provided a convenient trolley of pies for each of us to take as well. I stuck a finger in mine and tasted it. Chocolate crème, perfect. I walked back toward the crowd.

"Hey, Lucinda!" I called out. She turned her head in time for Sue to hurl it with all my strength and nail her in the face. I stepped back and gave the, not command, but rather, the order that the kitchen staff had been waiting to hear.

"FOOD FIGHT!!"

And with that, the kitchen staff and our group hurled their pies into the crowd. Others took note of just how many were available all around the room and ran over to grab their own. Photographers took pictures of Lucinda wiping the chocolate and whipped cream off her face whenever a pie didn't go whizzing by to block the shot. Maria seemed to be having the most fun. Apparently, there were a few members of La Familia who'd had a pie coming from her for a while. I took a few hits myself in the crossfire back to the door, but it was all worth it. The servants would have a lot of cleaning to do afterwards, but they too, would consider it worthwhile.

We left, locking the door behind us. In my head, Sue thanked me for making the plan come together.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Susan Takes Charge Pt. 07

By Special Guest Author Susan Bailey and T. MaskedWriter

"And as you join the Good Ship Earth, and you mingle with the dust,
be sure to leave your underpants with someone you can trust.
And the hard-headed social worker who bathes his hands in blood
will welcome you with arms held high and cover you with mud.
And he'll say 'you really should make a deal' as he offers round the hat.
Well, you'd better lick your fingers clean. Well, I'll thank you all for that."
-Jethro Tull, "Lick Your Fingers Clean"

The next morning, Lucinda de San Finzione walked through the halls of the Business Wing of Castle Finzione to her office. Conversation ceased as she passed, and everyone turned to stare. None would dare utter a word or make eye contact as she strode amongst them. The ones who'd been present for her humiliation were too scared to utter a sound, and the ones who'd been smart enough not to attend knew better. Calling attention to oneself at this moment would be death. She didn't slam the door as she closed it behind her, but the relative quiet made it loud enough to seem like she had.

She sat at her desk, bowed her head, and produced a rosary from her purse. As she prayed, a maid entered carrying a tray with a cup of tea and a newspaper. She quietly set the tea before Lucinda on the desk and stood by while she finished her prayer, picked up the tea, and took a sip. In the middle of her second sip, the newspaper was dropped onto her desk.

The front-page photo was of her, covered in the corpses of multiple pies. It was an English-language paper instead of her usual Italian; and the headline above it read "Lucinda's Lock-In Lists Loony-Toons." She looked up at the maid. She saw me. Hi, my name's Susan Bailey. (Sorry for the unusual intro, but I think you see now that I was going for something.)

"The Italian paper's headline wasn't as funny." I explained to her in that language. "Before you say anything about the maid's uniform, Lucinda, I gave one a hundred euros to let me borrow it and told the assistant you make fetch your tea every morning that I'd take care of this for him. Don't hold it against him. I used my 'status' as a friend of La Familia Royale and said I had a private matter to discuss with you. I did all this to make two points.

"The first was that I could very well have put on a servant's outfit and helped Jeanne out if she'd needed it. That's La Contessa's maid's name, by the way, Jeanne. If Jeanne, Helen, Maria, or someone else I respect needed it of me. I have that skill set. You see, Lucinda, I've done this thing called 'work a day in my life,' and I'd have no problem doing it again. Work is a word that's in the Bible AND the Dictionary."

The look on Lucinda's face was one that I wish I'd readied a camera for. The "what the hell..." from my paper drop hadn't completely faded before the look of recognition and seething hatred of "how fucking DARE you" mingled with the confusion of "wait a minute, who the fuck does something like this" and the corpse of the quip about my wearing the maid's uniform that I'd taken down before it passed her lips was worth the hundred euros to set it up. This close, I could also see the bleariness of having had a couple herself when she got home last night. All of it combined into a visual that caused me to attain Total Spiritual Enlightenment with regards to the meaning of the word "flabbergasted."

She took another sip of tea to try to recover. The next word was still mine, so I took it.

"The second reason was to give weight to my suggestion that you tear up those plans for the twins. And to give you things to think about if you have any more plans for them. Because I don't know if you noticed, Lucinda, but something very curious happened just now. Do you know what that was? I put on a maid's costume and brought you your newspaper and morning tea.

"And do you know what you did, Lucinda? You picked up that tea and you DRANK it! Without even looking to see who I was. Like I knew you wouldn't. And if I'd just said nothing and walked away, you'd never have known it was me." I gave that a second to sink in, and when she was still shocked, I took something out of my pocket.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Oh, this isn't 'the antidote' or anything, don't worry. I wouldn't do something like that, Lucinda. There's nothing in there but your Oolong with no cream or sugar. Just the way I know you like it now. That's a skill I learned from working too, Lucinda. Remembering what people you know you're going to see again like to eat and drink. No, this is something I need to return to Helen's office, I just decided to do this along the way to send you a message, Lucinda. So I hope you're listening or recording or whatever."

She was too startled by the realization that, if I HAD chosen to poison her, it would now be too late to respond, so the floor was still mine.

"The twins already have a moral guardian, and you're who she's guarding them from. The Devil, too, but saying that feels redundant. I figured that part out, too. Why you needed to wait until you thought Helen might not be around. This wasn't to feel her out now that she's a mother. Or to see how Maria would handle things if you suspected Helen wasn't here to look out for her. They're both known quantities to you. The purpose of this exercise was to test the unknown quantity; to see that IF Helen had left the country and IF her dearest friends had gone after her, then who was this woman whom ALL of them entrusted with the children while it was going on? Well, Lucinda?"

I leaned in close for my big ending.

"Hi. My name's Susan Bailey. Got your answer?"

I didn't wait for her reply. I walked out.

* * *

Lucinda would need revenge. Troy watches the Godfather movies every Thanksgiving weekend. (He has this joke he never seems to get tired of about it being "time that should be spent with The Family.") So I'd seen them enough times to know that since I'd sent her a message, now she HAS to send me one back. Unless I'd pissed her off to the point of hiring a hitman overnight, though, it was too soon to worry about it. (And if she goes that far, I'll just have to trust that I've done enough favors for the Ultimados by now that they'll do what they do for Helen and "get rid of the problem" for me before I even find out one was ever there.) I'd have to start watching my back tomorrow or the next day, but for today, I could just enjoy the victory.

It was a few hours later, after returning the maid's uniform and going back to the Palace Wing, that I ran into Maria by the Nursery and we stopped in at the little conversation alcove there.

"I understand why you needed to do it." Maria said after I told her about my trip to the Business Wing. "But si, you have thrown down a gauntlet and ensured a next time, Susan."

"Then the Pastry Chef's going to need to hire some backup and I'm going to have to see if anyone in the Marketplace carries anvils and dynamite for my counterplan." We both laughed at that. I had another thought and shared it with her. "You were a step ahead of me the whole time, Maria. Which means that you probably figured out the other thing that I did long before, too: Who Lucinda was really testing."

"Oh, si." She replied. "Her plan would have had the same chance to succeed or fail with Great-Grandmama present. It would still have taken her some maneuvering to refuse graciously in a way that Lucinda could not gain from."

"So what would you have done if Rita hadn't agreed?"

"I would have made up some excuse for her. Something relating to the babies and perhaps gross enough that no one would question. That she was tired from nursing them all day or something, they would have gone for it."

"Then why didn't you just do that?" I asked. "Why let me go to all this?"

Maria smiled at that.

"Because I liked your plan, Susan. Because you had things under control and because there was something that I needed to learn, too."

"What was that?"

Maria put her hand on mine.

"I do not question your friendship or loyalty at all, Susan. There was something I needed to know about you, though: Would you stand up to me if I had a bad idea? I knew right away that it would simply add complications to a situation already full of them. I knew you were a good enough friend to do it, but were you a good enough friend to tell me why we shouldn't? I've learned that those friends are far more important. I would have 'come to my senses' and asked you to stop before you really did it. Now I know, Susan, that you will tell me if I have a bad idea in the future, when it truly matters. I need to know who I can count on for this on the day that I am not simply ruling in secret until Great-Grandmama returns."

While I looked questioningly at Maria, she gave a little laugh and continued.

"Did you truly think that I would panic like a debutante in a P.G. Wodehouse book over all of this?" She looked over at the Nursery door, smiled, then looked back to me. "I, too, now have future rulers of San Finzione to think of. And whom I can entrust with them."

I smiled at the future Contessa Maria Louisa Francesca de San Finzione.

"No." I told her as I stood. "I thought you handled it like a Contessa."

That got a smile back before she left to go meet Stavro and I went to go spend some time with the little people that everything the past couple days had been for.

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Troy, Julie, and Helen got back Monday night. The three of us had a lovely reunion and Helen listened to Ramirez and Ortega give her lectures about responsibility while Maria alternated between slapping her upside the head and hugging her.

Troy & Julie decided that it was time to leave Helen with the boys, go back to Federal Way, and resume their lives. Not permanently, we're going to be coming back and forth all the time to see the kids and everyone; and La Contessa's doctor also happens to be part of our Ultimados protection across the street, so they'll be coming to see us, too. (And, now that Troy's the father of the Royal Twins, we're not getting out of having that protection any time soon.) We're looking into getting vehicles of our own to keep here so we don't have to keep borrowing Helen's or the castle's.

I know that we often talk about moving to San Finzione as if it's some kind of horrible emergency last resort; like if the world learns our secret, our Plan B is "Oh no, we have to go move into a palace with Helen and be waited on hand and foot for the rest of our lives!" It's not that we're the world's biggest ingrates, or maybe it's one of those "hard to grasp if you can't control minds yourself" deals. It's that... remember how when you were a kid, people told you that you could do anything, you could change the world? And then you got older and found out that really, it comes down to one or two things that you can do better than most and beyond those things, there's a whole lot of stuff that you really can't do or change? These three never got the second memo. Well, Helen did, but their third memo, letting her know the second one was bullshit, came early enough that she eventually forgot it.

The life that Troy and Julie want to make for themselves is in King County, Washington; where Troy helps people make their worlds a little better, and Julie shows them the world she sees, that the one we all share could be. And the life that Helen might not want but needs to have is here, trying to carry on the work of one great old man who was, quite frankly, an impossible act to follow, because of the guidance of another. As much as they all need each other, they also need to do those things. (Every semester, the University of San Finzione offers Troy an honorary doctorate in Economics. And every semester, he politely declines and reminds Helen that he wants to earn it on his own.)

Troy & Julie liked my solution to the Lucinda problem as well. It turned out that they'd known what was going on the whole time.

"You felt like you needed to do this without our help, Susan." Julie told me in bed that evening. "You forgot that there's a part of you that knows better than that." She kissed me. "When was the last time you and Suzy-Q did that?"

Ok, you know how I've said that Suzy-Q can go off and visit Helen's mind when one of us is in trouble? Well, the first couple times it happened was without my knowledge. In fact, I didn't even learn until after the second time that there'd been a first. She doesn't require my permission to go see Helen. When she comes back, we have one of those meetings in my head, she kisses me, and all of her memories and experiences while off with Helen get 'uploaded' to me. (We're still working on names for all of this.) I even got to meet Propappou and the Count in a round-about way through Suzy-Q coming to Helen in a dream once. At least, Helen's dream versions of them.

"I'll have to get caught up on that soon, then." I told her back. Again, I can't be mad at her, because I'd have done it too if it weren't for, you know, what Julie was saying.

"Didn't you wonder why none of us called to see how you and the kids were doing during all of that?" Troy asked on the other side of me. "Suzy-Q said you wanted to take care of it on your own, so we respected that. Or did you think we'd be too busy having constant sex to turn on the news and see what was going on in San Finzione? I think it was the hardest I've seen Helen laugh without drugs."

"You know we've met La Familia too, right?" Julie said with a smooch. "If any of us didn't think you could handle a snotty bitch like Lucinda, we'd have come up with a reason to come back early."

"Or we'd be like the parents in every movie and TV show where the kids throw a party and 'decide to come home from our vacation early and surprise you.'" Troy said.

Julie cut him off and put a "mom" tone in her voice.

"There we were, enjoying Paris, and we thought 'let's cancel all the shit we had planned for the rest of the trip, go through the hassle of checking out days ahead of schedule, return the rental car, deal with the fucking airline and changing our tickets at the last second to squeeze into whatever seats are left; and with no ride home from the airport arranged, bring our son or daughter's experiment with independence to a screeching halt.'"

We giggled at that. Troy decided to go "dad," too.

"And don't think this means you're getting out of our next trip there, young lady."

"Ok," I told them. "The Mom & Dad thing gets creepy quick when we're all naked."

We looked at each other and agreed to stop.

"I think I need one more day with the boys." Julie said as she rolled over and turned off the lamp before rolling back. "Then back to Seattle. You coming with us?"

"I'll be home in a few days." I told her as I turned to snuggle into Troy. Julie spooned up behind me and I closed my eyes, the two people I love most in the world holding me as I faded to sleep. "There's some stuff I want to take care of before I go."

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

The "one more day" became two. Seriously, they are great little guys. On the third day, Troy reminded Julie that he wanted to stay with them too, but he still had classes and they needed to give Helen time with them. Helen said she felt ready now.

You might have noticed that when we make decisions in this family, we tend to have more than one reason for them. The others get that, too. One of us still being here for her in case Helen wasn't quite as ready as she thought had been one we all understood was on my list.

The night after they left, I was walking back to our room when I noticed Helen's cigarette case sitting in the basket outside the Nursery. I stopped and peeked in.

Contessa Helena de San Finzione sat in a rocking chair next to the crib, holding Lord Vincenzo Ramon de San Finzione II and Lord Byroni Troilus de San Finzione in her arms.

"Once upon a time," she told them. "There was a boy and a girl whose love was so written in the stars that they were born a week apart, to families who were already friends and lived right next to each other. Around the same time, a second girl was born down the street from the two of them. She's who this story is really going to be about, but she doesn't show up for a little bit. These two will also be important to the story, and it's nicer to start things with them.

"The boy and girl got older and learned to crawl, walk, and speak together, like you two are going to do! They became best friends forever, also like you two are gonna be." Helen thought a second. "Except, well, different. The adults knew that there would one day be more to their feelings, but the boy and girl had practically been raised as brother and sister, and it would be many years before either of them got smart enough to realize 'you mean we're not and this would've been OK the whole time?' One of the adults, the boy's great-grandfather, was a great old wizard who knew that their destiny had always been written, though. The wizard's also going to be a really important part of this story."

I stepped in and closed the door quietly and let her continue. The twins burbled as she spoke, and Vincenzo made the cutest little yawn.

"Then the second girl, the one the story's really about, came into things. Her home was not a nice place, like where the boy and girl lived and where you two live. You'll have a lot of time to stare at each other's shirts to learn where that is. No, this girl had been born in a dragon's lair, to a mean, horrible dragon; feared by all the countryside. The dragon had taken a maiden years ago, and they had two daughters. The first flew far away from the lair, never to be seen again. But THIS girl, the dragon's SECOND daughter, was only half-dragon." She stopped the story and looked at them both and smiled. "Don't worry, your daddy's so NOT a dragon that Mommy knows any dragon blood you got from her is going to be voted down by his."

The burbling slowed as she rocked them. She acknowledged me and resumed.

"The Half-Dragon Girl looked human and could not fly or breathe fire, but everyone in the town still knew that she was the daughter of a dragon. They knew that living in that place, she would one day learn their ways and become a dragon herself. They didn't DO anything about it, they just talked about it. So, all of the other children's parents feared her, and they told their children not to play with the Half-Dragon Girl. Except, do you remember the boy and girl I was talking about earlier whose parents lived next to each other? Well, their parents were nice people and let the Half-Dragon Girl play with their children! She loved play time with them and she loved them, too. But it would always end. The dragon was really mean and hurt the maiden, who was now her mommy, all the time. She drank bad, dangerous potions that didn't make the hurt go away, but made her feel like they did. It wasn't the same thing. And when the Half-Dragon Girl would see her mommy come stumbling to bring her back to the lair, it always made her sad. Because she knew the dragon would punish her for any happiness she'd had while away from him." Helen looked down at the now-sleeping boys.

"And maybe she remembered years later how that always felt; because Mommy coming to get her meant that happiness and fun were over. And she was scared that she might make you feel that. But again, your daddy's no dragon; he likes fighting dragons. And yes, sometimes, that includes Mommy. Who doesn't drink those kinds of potions. So you should be ok there."

I stepped up and took Byroni, so she could get up with Vincenzo. We put them back in the crib and covered them up, then quietly made our way back out to the hall.

Once we were out, Helen grabbed her cigarettes out of the basket and pulled one out. She looked over at the alcove.

"We took the ash trays out of this one, Helen." I told her. "That was deliberate."

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Helen turned and gave a combination smile and sigh.

"Good idea." She lit one and started walking toward the next alcove toward her room. I followed along. "And if I haven't said it enough yet, Susan, thank you for everything."

"You've done enough thanking and apologizing the past couple days." I told her. "I'm just happy you're back. Cool story you were telling them."

"It's a work-in-progress." Helen replied with a smile. She then gave a little laugh. "Speaking of stories, still loving how you dealt with Lucinda. Don't worry about her, I'll take care of it."

"No," I told Helen. "That's ok, I can handle her. She's just another arrogant bitch like the customers I dealt with for years. I do have a question, though: Why don't you just go into to the Board Room a couple times a week and go 'Ok, everyone, tell me your schemes?'"

Helen smiled again.

"That's a question with a multi-part answer, and it sounds like you got some of it already. There's the fact that their plans are usually so pedestrian that I see them coming a mile away, that most of them amount to "get more money and/or power" and tend to be otherwise harmless, the fact that as their Contessa, boss, and Matriarch of La Familia, I DO possess some small obligation to look after them; that it keeps them at each other's throats and too occupied to make a serious play for the throne, and lastly, they're Maria's family and I AM trying to do better, Susan."

That shocked me. Of all the reasons I could think why Helen wouldn't just make her world that much easier to deal with, "attempted morality" was not one I'd expected. Troy's always explained it to me as "Helen's never really been evil, she's just unfettered by principles." Not accepting the easy answer because it IS the easy answer felt more like a course Troy would take.

"Well, don't think you need any more redemption or forgiveness from me, Helen. Because I've seen what you deal with every day and it's all yours."

She held her cigarette away from me with her left hand while reaching over to give me a one-armed hug with her right. We reached the alcove nearest to her bedroom and walked over to the couch.

"Thanks. And we all knew you could handle it, Susan. I don't know if you've talked to Suzy-Q yet, but when she said 'Lucinda' and 'reception for the twins,' I went 'Ok, yeah, she's going to have some kind of Religious Poison Pill gift to try and foist on us where I'm fucked if I accept and she gets to die on the cross for my sins if I refuse.' And I told Suzy-Q that if you think you need help, that you should throw a wrench in things and somehow make sure she doesn't get to give it. Your somehow was better than what I would have come up with."

"Maria figured all that out, too." I told her. "Quicker than she let on, I think."

"She's already a great Contessa." Helen answered, taking a drag of her cigarette. "I sometimes re-watch the video of her first address to the nation after I was attacked. And the way she handled it, that whole 'I can't sit here and hold your hand, I have to go be your Contessa' thing?" Helen took another puff before putting it out in the ash tray. "I was worried that I wouldn't be a good parent. I forgot that I'd been doing it for nine years already, and I think I may have accidentally done an OK job."

"You've done an amazing job there, Helen." I said, taking hold of her hand. "And you'll do two more. Which you won't be doing alone. Too many people already love those boys too much to allow that. I'm certainly one." I sighed and looked into her eyes.

"And too many people love you, too, Helen."

It wasn't our first "real" kiss that followed. That happened, depending on who you ask, either in our dining room back in Federal Way or in Helen's head during that first visit from Suzy-Q. This was the first that was happening between both of us in the real world. The first where we were truly alone, and the first that didn't need to stop any time soon, so it didn't. I wasn't entirely sure why we hadn't before now, just that I hadn't felt ready. Maybe it was seeing what La Familia makes her deal with that did it, maybe it was having her back with us, but I felt ready now.

I stood up, took Helen's hand again, and looked over to her bedroom door.

"Take me to bed, Petalouda." I told her. She smiled.

Helen's bed really is the most comfortable in the world.

[Kalyan143]

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