30-12-2020, 02:55 PM
The awesome climax is good of pov left with readers... Nice..,.
Hope you start New story soon... Waiting for it...
Hope you start New story soon... Waiting for it...
(30-12-2020, 01:46 PM)drillhot Wrote: Wonderful story. Perfect decision.
Kavitha has many options now.
1. Marry another person without disclosing her past
2. Live a lesbian relationship with Gowri
3. Become a full-time prostitute
(30-12-2020, 04:33 PM)sangram24 Wrote: Great Narration and in-depth phycological analysis as always.
------------
-------------
---------------
Life is not only about one own self and one's own sense of guilt. Its also about the other people around u , ur loved ones. Two nuggets which Guruji said
1. Apart from u and ur husband, 4 more lives are waiting for ur return. u have no right to punish them further
2. You have done mistakes but life does not and should not end with a few mistakes.
Manasi, i have been very attached to this sequel as i have mentioned earlier also. and hence i have written what i felt. Maybe u left the loose ends loose intentionally . who know's maybe we will have a sequel to this sequel. like now days we have season 2.
(30-12-2020, 07:29 PM)manasi Wrote: @ Jeevanantham
@ sangram24
You people are amazing!
When I decided to write the unfinished story of Indiansubmale, I had to struggle to find out the motive of Kavita and also match with the incidents as described by Indiansubmale. Things were required to be accepted by readers. My tribute was addressed for a serious section of readers who thinks beyond sex. Human relationship and specially relationship between husband and wife, two persons connected with emotions without sex are always complicated. Normally at some point, tragedy strikes.
Indiansubmale had concluded the finishing. At the most we can play round about to arrive at finishing point. There could be different approaches to reach the finishing point. Most of the incidents as happened with Kavita aftermath are taken from real life. I preferred to create two amazing characters Jaya and Guruji mainly to open up life from different perspective. Here Jaya is still not fully matured, Guruji is ultimate. His views on life is for the life whereas Jaya is bubbling with youthfulness of a young woman.
Even before disclosing abortion, Guruji had made Kavita spend her time with destitute children. It is absolutely impossible for Jaya and specially Guruji not to follow Kavita after they have religiously followed her. In chapter 27.2 Manu is discovered with his two grown up children. If you connect this fact with original of Indiansubmale, where he describes Manu as successful at the age of 40 when he writes his story. Looking at Manu's obsession for Kavita at the end of original chapter 26, Manu would be around 33 years age, things should be pretty clear to readers for extrapolation.
Sharing your shameful secret with your husband only and sharing the same secret with your husband when it is no more secret are quite different. For me it appeared, Kavita had no option but to vacate once her lust was exposed. Neither Jaya nor Guruji talked about lust even though they were well aware of the fact. Even Guruji left it for Kavita to disclose everything to Manu. Also a well maintained asylum closely keep an eye on the inmates.
So, what you feel the loose ends, I feel are ends with definite conclusion.
Yes, I could have ended with an epilogue. I left the blank for a romantic saga may be harnessed by a powerful writer in future. Are you really interested in a fixed epilogue? I preferred your imagination to grow in multi-directional romance.
(30-12-2020, 02:22 PM)Jeevanantham Wrote: First of all a lot of appreciation for your writing... I think so no one can this far psychological version of a story... You must have putten a lot of your time and effort... Ok..but a little bit of disappoint in the final update (unfinished to my opinion)... Is this the end?? Then what about Manu.. what about his decision.. where is the version of his??
I think so you let it to the readers?? A very big disappointment..
(30-12-2020, 04:33 PM)sangram24 Wrote: Great Narration and in-depth phycological analysis as always.
but with all due respect, i am disappointed with how this has ended. Seems u were in a hurry to wrap this up. well frankly cannot accuse u on that count as u have mentioned earlier that u had written the last chapter much earlier . But still looks like a lot of ends are left loose without any closure and defies logic on a few counts. Let me elaborate a few points
1. This dialogue Kavita has with her own consciousness, she could have done this much earlier in Bangalore itself. what great purpose was solved FOR HER in coming to haridwar and subsequently to the asylum. all those sessions with Jaya has no meaning as far as SHE IS concerned. she had a secret, she wanted to keep it secret and wanted the secret to go with her to the grave. Right from the time she visited haridwar her only motive was she wanted to meet Manu ONCE , confess her sins, ask for forgiveness and then go away. she had said that innumerable times. she was not looking for or was expecting a reunion with him or resumption of marital life. But when the opportunity came, she choose to walk away ? why because her consciousness reminded her of her lust, she knew this earlier too, she could have / would have confessed this to herself earlier.
2. From her point of view from chapter 33 ( when she visited Haridwar) till the end, it was meaningless. yes we got to get a peek into her motives but what did she gain or achieve ? if she wanted to leave Manu for his betterment ( which she does in the end) she could have done it much earlier.
3. Also this new angle - dialogue with her consciousness - of Kavita's LUST for Prem in the first week of his visit and her preparations prior to it . Maybe i am wrong but lust sometimes is body specific and most of the times is person specific. like i lust after someone, my lust for someone. Lust in simple terms is having stong sexual desire for SOMEONE specific. it is also having expectations that one will derive sexual pleasure from that specific someone. But the few sexual encounters Kavita had with Prem pre marriage were not all pleasurable for her. she was in pain.( also as confirmed by Jaya in her analysis of female anatomy) . why will someone knowingly lust for something thats not pleasurable but painful ? And if Lust is what had engulfed Kavita, why didn't she seek other partners in the 4 years of her marriage ? seems illogical .
4... And where is Manu ? this story is as much Manu's as it is of Kavita. Ideally speaking there should have been a face to face of Manu and Kavita. I am not saying there should have been a reunion and happy ending. There should have been a discussion wherein both of them could have taken a decision after all facts and confesions were on the table. they could have chosen to forgive and forget and start afresh, or going separate wishing each other, or Manu could have said i cant live with her after knowing about her motives and actions or Kavita could have said even thou she still loves him but she doesnt deserve him and its better she goes away from him ,etc , etc..... But there should have been a discussion for a CLOSURE for both of them.
5. Also look at it from the point of the actors in the story. coz for us the story might have ended but not for them. Its their lives. JAYA - she is in close touch with the asylum she is awaiting a return visit of kavita maybe with her husband. will she not follow up ? will she not find out where she went ? ( specially for Kavita who has tried to end her life earlier also) will she not disclose all her confessions of her actual motives and actions to Manu ? MANU - If Jaya does disclose everything to Manu and knowing what we all of him and his character and his obsessive love for Kavita , what is he going to do ? is he not going to desperately and franatically search for her ? Manu still doesnt know what happened since he left his flat in Banaglore that fateful morning. once he knows will he be able to live happily ever after ? ( as has been written earlier in chapter 27.2 wherein Manu is happily married with 2 kids) Then the PARENTS - As Guruji's said they know everything and have already accepted her. I am presuming they know about her treatment / counselling with Jaya. Jaya is in touch with them, will they not try to find out what happened / where's their daughter and DIL ? since they know everything will they not disclose it to Manu at some point sooner than later ? and then there's Gowri also . I mean one cannot just disappear like this from the face of earth when u have so many eyes looking for u. some many people waiting for u to come back and really love u and care for u.
Life is not only about one own self and one's own sense of guilt. Its also about the other people around u , ur loved ones. Two nuggets which Guruji said
1. Apart from u and ur husband, 4 more lives are waiting for ur return. u have no right to punish them further
2. You have done mistakes but life does not and should not end with a few mistakes.
Manasi, i have been very attached to this sequel as i have mentioned earlier also. and hence i have written what i felt. Maybe u left the loose ends loose intentionally . who know's maybe we will have a sequel to this sequel. like now days we have season 2.
(30-12-2020, 10:10 PM)sangram24 Wrote: Last thing first..... Yes we are interested in an epilogue. yes my imagination are already running in different directions to figure out what would have happened next..... but unfortunately i am not a good writer . so i cant build a good narrative around ,my imaginations or plots. and why any other powerful writer ? you can do it yourself. u have already invested so much in the story , u know the characters , their minds, their thought processes better than anyone else . u can start a new sequel in the new year. this is just a suggestion !!.
Kavita had no option after her lust was exposed, fine.... but to whom ? to her consciousness . she spoke to her consciousness that night. ( BTW even i was always puzzled as to why she went on pills after inviting Prem if her motive was to get pregnant, it was contradictory) my submission is why she couldn't have had this dialogue in bangalore much before, we all speak to our consciousness regularly... thats what makes us take decisions and reflect upon our actions. we don't need a serene surroundings with the Himalayas in the backdrop everytime. she had all the time for self introspection .
I would have liked u to answer to my queries point no 1 and 3. but that choice is urs. i obviously cannot complain after the dedication and commitment u have shown to finish adhering to ur timelines. I still believe there shud have been a Manu's POV , afterall he is the central character along Kavita in this story.
Maybe u set the expectations bar so high that the climax ( atleast to me ) feels a bit of a let down .....
(18-02-2021, 05:17 AM)Ramesh_Rocky Wrote: Hi Manasi,
How are you doing?, Sorry for late reply.
Actually after jaya declared her self " manu is like her brother " I lost my excitement and I just thought kavita and manu reunion in only left. If it's going to happen I want to ask you one question " describe kavita? " then " why did she take her pils on prem visiting day " etc But you did something I didn't expect and all changed. I was num and I feel something missing no something's not completed. So I just read the original and your continution one more time.i am a slow reader so it took long time for me. You did fantastic job in analysing the original story and you planned very well the continution. But in continuation you did some mistakes too.
After reading complete story I just loss respect for kavita character. She is worse than Prem. She is just hiding her true self and lying to everyone. She don't know what is love. That is why she unable to understand manu love and his pain. She is selfish. she used Prem in college days and she try to use him after her return from America too. She never love anybody other then her self. She just disappeared from everyone after guruji and Jaya know all her secrets.
- Kavita character Raveling you intentionally hide her true self for the final update and it's not expressed as you planned. You just not explained it thoroughly.
- Manu - I don't know about everyone but I was disappointed in his ending. From the beginning all secret to him and in the end too.
- Nobody tell him what's happened? and what's happening? in his life.
- All his training in ashram and jaya character not worked as you planned. At some point these episodes just misleaded the readers.
- You created intresting characters and intresting situations with them but you did not extend those points maybe because the limitations which comes with the original story.
- I didn't understand this point kavita want to hide her secret from prem and she want manu accept Prem chaild as his chaild. How she thinks this will happen with out talking to manu first.
(23-02-2021, 10:19 PM)Lollobionda Wrote: Hi Manasi,
I'm now at chapter 34 and have to conclude (after reading the other versions by
other authors) that your version is more or less a pschyanalysis.
The explanations are much too long and also dry.
I have the feeling that you (perhaps from the subconscious and unintentionally!)
When explaining the relationship between Kavita-Manu-Prem-Jaya-Gajra and the
events general, indirectly looking for a justification.
That would be with the visit of Jaya, the long conversations and the attempt Kavita
everything to pay back, what she did to Manu before quite clearly.
I think that one should not fight injustice with another injustice and clear.
In the end, it is about a partnership and about mutual love. (even if this love is a little unconventional !)
Let the events in this relationship a little free run WITHOUT the long psychoanalysis but more love and erotic.
A little cuckolding WITHOUT humiliation and disrespect will do the story good and make
it more charming and interesting...
I look forward to the coming chapters.
Greetings from Berlin - Germany
Lollobionda
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
(18-02-2021, 05:23 AM)Ramesh_Rocky Wrote: Note :- Manasi after witnessing your skill and talent I want give you a puzzle situation to solve. If you are interested please let me know.