Non-erotic Dawn at Midnight By Pinuram - {Completed}

[usaiha2]

Gradually the evening approached.

The beautician arrived. I was graced in the red Benarasi saree. The lady drew designs on my cheeks and forehead with sandal paste. My cheeks were embellished with roose. Lips were graced with red. Bluish eye shades on the eyelids. My hair was tied in a bun, graced by flowers and a thin red veil.


Maithili then bedecked me with heavy gold jewelries. Two long gold earrings were dangling from my earlobes. One by one heavy gold necklace were tied around my neck. She then put a pair of heavy gold bangles on my wrist. All the time I was looking at her face. She was also very silent. One by one some more bangles were put on. I felt a tremble inside my chest. My hands shook gently. She held my hand tightly in her clutch as she put the last bangle on my wrist.

She looked at my face, her nose flared up. Her chest shook, same as mine. My eyes went hazy as she looked in my eyes. I was unable to control my quivering lips. I bit my lower lips as she put the loose end of the saree, “aanchal”, over my head gently.

She touched my cheek and wiped the few drops from the corner of my eyes and smiled painfully at me. We both were alone in the room when she was gracing me up for the sacrament. For the whole time, we were silent. She knew very well that how helpless I was. She had lost her vocabulary then.

I looked at myself in the large mirror of the dressing table. There was a life-less beauty standing in front of the mirror with fake satisfaction smeared on her lips. Everyone was happy in that house except me. Every woman’s ultimate dream to get married was nothing but painful and full of thorns, for me.


##

[usaiha2]

There was a knock on the door. Maithili opened the door and I was surprised to find my eldest brother standing there.

He came into the room and looked at me from head to toe. He gently placed his soothing palm on my head and blessed me---“I am a poor brother, who has nothing to give you. So I just brought something for you.”

He handed me a piece of paper. I looked at that paper and asked him what was that.

He told me---“I have no one in this world. I was waiting for the day you get married. I have sold my share of property and this is the fixed deposit paper of seven lakhs.”

I could not control myself anymore.

I cried out---“NO…. I can’t take this. What about you? What are you going to do?”

He took out a small velvet box from his pocket and opened that. A beautiful diamond ring was twinkling inside.

He said to me---“I have sold all the gold jewelries of your Boudi and brought this for you. I am leaving the house and will goto Haridwar or Hrishikesh.”

I shook my head repeatedly---“You can’t leave me like this. No, you can’t leave me like this. No.”

It was not tears that were pouring from my eyes, it was the blood of my heart that came out.

Maithili pressed my head on her lap as I saw my elder brother for the last time. He walked out of the room wiping his tears.

I hugged Maithili’s waist with all my strength and cried out looking at the door---“Please don’t leave me Dada.”

Maithili didn’t let anyone to enter the room after that. She let those tears flow, she was also crying along with me.

She said in a quivering voice---“Paree, time has come.”

I heard ChotoMa’s voice from the other end---“Are you ready? We are getting late, Paree. Groom will arrive anytime. Hurry up.”

Maithili answered---“Give us some moment.” She looked at my face and then she wiped my tears.

Maithili wiped her eyes and said to me---“Paree we have to go.”

##

I slowly stood up. Looked around the room. I touched my bookshelf “Goodbye”. I touched my bed “Goodbye”. I touched my table where I finished my M.Sc. “Goodbye”.

##

[usaiha2]

ChotoMa came inside and looked at me from head to toe.


Her eyes were sniveled---“ShonaMa, you are looking very beautiful.”

I threw my arms around her neck, cried out---“Ma, forgive me.”

She rubbed my back and whispered in my ears---“Paree, you have to burn everything that is in your heart in the holy flames of sacrament before taking those seven steps.”

I gently nodded my head “Yes” and walked out of the room along with Teesta at one side and Maithili on another.

    ##

Delisha, Pushpanjali, Rajat, Debobroto Danish all were present and accompanied with me to the ritual place.

I sat on the dais. Every relatives came to greet me and wish me luck.

Debobroto came to me along with Teesta. Teesta was wearing a beautiful pink saree and she dressed according to the occasion. That was her best friend’s wedding.

I smiled on seeing her jovial face---“So you and Debobroto are going on well.”

Hearing that her face became red---“He is very naughty.”

“Hmmmm…….” I could not stop laughing at her.

Debobroto kneeled down before me and Teesta stood behind him. I gave a queer look at them as I could not understand as what was he or they going to do.

Debobroto took my hands, his lips quivered a bit---“Mita, please don’t forget us. I got what I wanted just because of you. Our life is indebt to you.”

Teesta bit her lower lips and sobbed out---“I was a very bad girl. It was your words in that Globe cinema changed my life.”

She threw her arms around my neck and sobbed out---“Please don’t forget us.”

I gently patted their back and lovingly shook my head---“Totally insane emotional peoples. How can I forget you two? Don’t talk about that. I will definitely come during your marriage.”

Delisha and Danish was standing behind them.

Danish screamed out---“Apa, what about me? You have forgotten me, Apa?”

I called him also to my side---“Oh! come on. I assure all of you that Dhanbad is not out of India. Wherever I will be, I will definitely attend your wedding.”

Indrani Di came to me---“You never visited my house in Mumbai. This time come with your husband.”

“Sure, I will” I nodded my head showing a fake smile on my lips.

Niladri came and whispered in my ears---“Boudi you are looking very beautiful.”

I smiled back at him.



##

[usaiha2]

My eyes searched for my eldest brother. He was nowhere. I asked Maithili as where he was. She told me that Sumanto Da has gone away, his train was at that night. He did not even waited for the rituals of his youngest sister’s marriage to get completed. Did he sensed the actual truth of his little cute sister’s heart? I would never know the reason why he left.


Dipankar came to me.

I asked him---“How is Kalyani?”

“Do you want to talk to her?” he called Kalyani and handed me the mobile. I was unable to speak.

My chest rumbled, it shook like a small twig---“How are you?”

She heard the silent sobs from the receiver and she said---“Keep the phone. I won’t talk to you again.”

I gently wiped the corner of my eyes and handed the phone to Dipankar. I told to myself “I am helpless, Kalyani.”

   ##

I wanted to stop the time forever, but alas, time and tide waits for none.

The night was getting darker.

ChotoMa came to me and said---“ShonaMa, time has come.”

She called Shasanko Da and Subroto Da to carry me on the wooden plank to the ritual place. Debobroto and Danish was on front two corners of the wooden plank. My brothers were on other corners. They made me sat on the wooden plank and carried me to the place, where Himadri was standing.

A huge rumble rose in the whole hall as the bride approached. All the noise were very disturbing for me. Even after that I had to keep smiling like a Japanese doll.

I garlanded him and then he garlanded me. I looked in his eyes. His eyes were flashing with some victorious smile. I could not hide my smile on seeing his face. I smiled back.

  ##

I saw Babu sitting at the main ritual place, along with the priests. He sat there to perform my “Kanyadan”. Since morning I have not seen him near me. I looked at him before sitting opposite to Himadri, in front of the brass “kalash”. He silently wiped the corner of his eyes as he handed my right hand on Himadri’s left.

The priests were reading the shlokas and hymns of marriage. Everything sounded very mechanical to my ears.

The rituals went on. Maithili tied the loose end of my red Benarasi saree with the white Dhuti of Himadri.

  ##

Then the decisive moment arrived. I had to take the seven steps along with Himadri. I closed my eyes before getting up from my seat. Looked at ChotoMa and Maithili. They both smiled at me and gently nodded their head. With each step, I felt my past was burning in that flame.

After it was complete, Himadri dipped his ring in the small round container of red vermillion and smeared that on my centre part of hairdo.

The ring first touched my forehead and was rubbed till few inches upward. Forehead, the place he kissed was then graced with some other persons red vermillion. I never dreamt of that. Not a single speck of red vermillion fell on my nose. It was a lovely superstition that if the specks of red vermillion powder touches the nose tip of the bride, then the groom loves her very much.

Everyone in the crowd asked me to tilt my head so that few specks at least could drop on my nose tip. I laughed at them and gently bent my head forward, even after that, not a single speck dropped on my nose tip.

Maithili shouted to all persons over there---“Enough. She need not to shake her head like a cow.” Every person present there, thought that she was concerned about my tiredness of the long ritual. Only I knew, she was trying her level best to guard me from any type of pain. But she was also bounded by fate and who would hear her cry?

A solitary drop of aqua brewed in corner of my left eye. I stealthy wiped that drop. That drop of aqua was a mixture of pain and fear, angst and anonymity, vacuum and dark.

I asked my heart---“Am I happy? I don’t know. I am doing my duty to repay my debts of my foster parents.”

I bolted every bit of my dark past inside a box and threw it into the abyss of the ocean.

  ##

“Paree” was burning in the flames in front of me. “Mita” just left my side. It was “Suchi” who sat there in front of the sacrament flames with blank expressionless eyes and fake glimmer on the face.

______________________________

[usaiha2]

Chapter 3: Cardinal Waves


--------------------------------

A new chapter of my life in a absolute unknown horizon was opened. I had to keep my pace according to my surroundings.

I told to myself on the first day “Love huh! Hard to find in this cruel world where everything is materialistic.” One thought that I was unable to come into terms that ChotoMa and Babu had bought my security by presenting a car in dowry.

Himadri was caring as all new husbands. I stayed very cold and calm in the first week after reception. He probably sensed that I was living in some fear and pain. He understood that due to some reason I was unable to open up. He did not delved into my privates till we were alone. He wanted all those fantasies to brew with understanding and love. My vacuum soul had some respite due to his soft rays of compassion.

   ##

On the first week of January, we went for our honeymoon.

ChotoMa and Babu came to airport to see-off.

On the plane Himadri asked me---“This is your first time on the plane?”

---“No, I have been to Delhi earlier.”

---“Ok. I thought this is first time. As you are looking very nervous.”

I smiled on myself “I was nervous due to the type of fantasies you are going to experiment.” My face became red and I looked the other way.

He rubbed his nose on my nape and whispered---“Your fragrance is making me insane, Suchi.”

Softly I placed my palm on his cheek and pushed away his face. I whispered---“Hey! This is plane. Don’t do like that here. Everyone is looking at us.”

He took my right palm and placed it on his cheek. I closed my eyes as my soft fingers got pressed on his raw cheek. He straightened up and whispered---“I am not cuddling any other’s wife? Am I?”

He smelled my fingers and I felt his warm breath on my fingers. All the pores of my left arm unfurled its petals.

I cooed out---“Himadri, please.”

“Ok honey.” He winked at me “The beach will catch fire….”

I could not hide my shy smile so I looked out of the window.

The resort was near to the airport, beside the famous Corbyns Cove beach. A cottage was booked for us.

We reached our resort by noon. The sunshine was very sweet. The weather was amorous, neither warm nor chilled. The winds were blowing from the sea. All the cottages were sea facing and it was east side.

I went near the huge glass window and pushed open the panes. I was wearing a blue chiffon saree and my long tress suddenly flew due to gush of wind that came from the sea. The waves were crushing on the seashore on the sparkling yellow sands. The white froths crushed on the shore and the swoosh sound made me weak. The amorous wind tried to unlock few moments but I kept myself contained and leaned over the window to devour the beauty of the sea and sand.

The beach was of “U” shape and on the northern corner a small island could be seen. Huge trees were all over the sides of the beach.

Suddenly I felt warm breath on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as Himadri placed his arms around my bare tummy and held me in his tight embrace. He gently nibbled the back of my head with his nose and took a deep breath. I held his hands tightly as I felt his nose tip on the back of my head. I tilted my head back as his nose grazed over my nape down to my bare shoulder.

Goosebumps awakened all over my neck. My face became warm by the friction of his strong fingers grazing and kneading my tummy. His teeth came near the broach on my blouse and he nibbled the round of my shoulder. His wanton bites made me jelly.

With a sudden thrust he turned me towards him and his lips crushed on mine. I placed my palms on his chest and felt that his chest was bare. His heartbeats thumped on my soft palm. His roughness made the depressed sullen fairy to unfurl unwillingly.

He scooped me and threw me roughly on the bed and came on me. Even before I could gather myself up, my dress was lying on the wooden floor. The moment he rushed in my domain, I bit my lower lips and closed my eyes. A tiny drop of liquid pearl drenched my eyelash.

A sweet and torrid way to love and that was Himadri. A strong rough coarse mountain under the soft white snow.

Himadri brought out a sky blue knee length sheer sleeveless frock. The moment I saw that sheer negligee on his hand, my face became red and turned my face away to hide my blush.

He came near me and asked---“I bought this for you. Don’t you like it?”

I nodded my head---“Yes it is beautiful.” I took that from his hand and went inside the bathroom. There was a lustful grin on his face as he observed my shyness smeared all over my face.

I came out after taking my bath in that dress that he presented. The cool breeze coming from the window drenched me in sweat of some unknown turbulence. Himadri changed himself to a Bermuda shorts and a sleeveless vest.

He came near me and took my face between his palms. He whispered in my ears---“You are looking gorgeous, Suchi.”

I looked pale as I heard him say those words. My eyes suddenly turned hazy.

He patted gently on my back and asked me “What happened Suchi? I am here.”

I wiped my tears and looked at him. I exhaled a deep gush out of my chest and smiled---“Nothing Himadri. I was just ….”

I could not even finish my sentence, he cut short that sentence with a deep kiss on my lips.

He broke his kiss after a long time. My whole figure was shaking as his fingers traced every contours of my curvaceous figure. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He took my hand and asked me---“Lets us walk on the beach.”

I was taken aback by his suggestion. I screamed out---“WHAT? You want me to go out like this? No Himadri.”

He pleaded and pulled me by my hand---“Come On Suchi. We came here for our honeymoon.”

I got annoyed---“But that does not mean that I will go out in this sheer negligee, Himadri.”

He almost pulled me out on the balcony---“You beauty is simply irresistible. See out on the beach, who is there wearing full dress?”

I clenched my right fist. I was about to break in tears---“You know my nature Himadri.”

  ##

He clenched his jaws and gave a pleading look at my face. He let my hand go and walked silently in the room. After sometime he came out with a sarong and asked me to wrap around my waist.

“Now is that ok for you?” He smiled at me.

I nodded my head and smiled---“You won’t buzz from your nature.”

He made a naughty face and gestured me to walk along with him. Unwillingly at first, I stepped out. The cool breeze caressed my bare arms and my warm face. He put his left arm around my waist and pulled me towards him. The fine grains of sand felt awesome under my bare feet. At times the waves crushed near my feet. That was the first time I was on a sea beach. I looked around those tall coconut and palm trees.

We walked till the end of the beach. The sun went down on my left. The sky was painted with golden yellow and orange stokes of pastel paint. The breeze suddenly shook me. Himadri felt my turbulence and looked at me.

---“What happened?”

“Nothing….” I looked down and answered. The humid breeze brought some humid memoirs in my soul. I bit my lips hard to douse the memoirs.

He asked me to sit down on the beach and I obeyed him.

He looked at my cold face and asked---“You are very timid and shy in nature. Were you like this from the beginning?”

I nodded my head “Yes”

Only my heart knew “No, I was a vibrant girl. I was a puerile fairy of my unicorn. Oh! No what I was thinking. This is not done. I should not do this.”

He lied down on the beach on his back. I sat cowered with my knees folded and arms resting across my knees. My chin rested on my knees and I looked towards the infinite sea. The horizon looked very calm.

He spoke after a long time---“I am bit rough in nature. Is not it Suchi?”

I looked at his face trying to fathom as what does he want to say.

He turned towards me and said---“Most of the time I stay along with the workers and low class people. To tame them, they only understand the cane. They understand slang language. I had to use foul language always.”

He touched my bare right arm and traced my soft skin till my shoulder. It send a sweet tingle down my spine.

---“You know, I am very arrogant. I am very stern. I love myself a lot. I can’t take no for any answer. If any one denies me, then blood gushes in my brain.”

I exhaled a deep breath out of my chest and said---“I will try my best not to make you angry.”

He kissed the round of my right shoulder and whispered---“I know you will.”

“Women are like water, they take the shape of the tumbler in which it is poured.” I didn’t said those words to him, instead---“Himadri, change is evitable in this world. The only constant thing in this world is change.”

I smiled at him and said---“You are engineer and I am a physics student, so we both know about Quantum mechanics.”

He laughed out and patted my cheeks---“My darling. Can you think of something else other than physics?”

I constricted my nose---“If I say no, then?”

He suddenly pinned me down on the sand and came on me out in the open---“Then you know….”

I patted his cheek and whispered---“Let me go. Not in the open.”

He kissed me sweetly and stood up.

We walked towards the cottage, arms in arms. I pointed to the solitary island on the north side of the beach---“Will we visit that island?”

He looked back over his shoulder to the island and said---“If time permits.”

He then grinned at me and danced his brows. I understood the meaning and turned my face away to hide my coy face.

After sometime I asked him---“Himadri, you promised me that you will allow me to do a job.”

He stopped and looked at me---“Why do you want a job? There is no need of that.”

I turned my face away from him---“You promised me Himadri.”

“Suchi, my dad is very strict person. He won’t allow his daughter-in-law to go out and work.” he spoke calmly.

I looked over my shoulder so as to fathom as who was talking, was it Himadri or my father-in-law.

From his writhing pleading eyes, I understood that it was my father-in-law who was speaking.

I shook my head in dismay and bit my lower lips “My dream, my ambition is drowning beneath the horizon of the Bay-of-Bengal.”

I folded my arms across my chest and walked towards the cottage, leaving Himadri behind. He stood perplexed on the beach, alone and helpless. The evening was dark. I felt “How alone we are in this world.”

##

[usaiha2]

Before the dinner, he asked me---“What do you like for dinner? Seafood is ok for you?”


I gave a soft smile at him said---“I haven’t tasted sea-food. I am from village, you know that very well. I would like to have plain Indian food preferably Bengali ones are better.”

He didn’t wait for my sentence to finish, he picked up the phone and ordered for crab.

We sat on the balcony looking towards the sea.

He asked me---“I am really at my wits end that how can a beautiful lady be so calm and quiet.”

I smiled at him---“Why? What type of girl you liked?”

He joked---“I wanted a jovial lady in my life. Your eyes and your smile captured me.”

I laughed at him and said---“See I am laughing, now satisfied.”

He shook his head---“You are too much, Suchi.”

Again there was a silence between us.

“Suchi” he spoke up “I have a question?”

---“What?”

He took a deep breath---“Your ChotoMa has a son. He was not present at our wedding. Where is he?”

I closed my eyes and an impetuous chill ran through my frame.

I answered very calmly---“I don’t know.”

He was surprised by my answer---“You don’t know? How can that be? I asked your ChotoMa about Abhimanyu. They also didn’t give proper answer. Is he alright? I mean what happened to him?”

My chest trembled and a huge torrential wave brewed inside my heart. I clenched my jaws. In that low light probably he didn’t noticed my facial tension.

Somehow I restrained myself from breakdown and answered---“Last information I had, he was in New Delhi. I don’t know anything more than that.”

---“You two must be very close. What type of person he would be that he didn’t attend our wedding? I asked your younger sister-in-law, Maithili also. She also averted my query.”

Lighting flashed in my head “We are not very close. We are two bodies one soul. My heart used to pump in his chest and his still pumps in mine. You won’t understand. I don’t know where he is. My fate, his fate and the cruel world brought me on your lap.”

Instead I queried him---“Why are you asking me these? You could have asked ChotoMa.”


##

[usaiha2]

Just then there was a knock on the door.


He got up and I felt relieved. A huge boulder just got off my chest. I was on the verge of break down and the room service was my savior. I wiped my eyes and gathered myself up from the balcony. The room service served the dinner.

I looked at the red Australian crab on the white china plate. As it was looking at me.

I smiled at Himadri and asked him---“How to break this and eat?”

He laughed at me and said---“Wait. There are pliers and stick.”

I made an annoying face by twitching my lips---“Eeeeeee….. we have to poke inside that crab?”

He laughed at me---“Yes dear.”

He broke the shell and the smell of the crab flesh made me dizzy. I felt a lump pushing in my throat.

He looked at me and asked---“What happened?”

I somehow controlled myself so as not to bother him---“Nothing. I am ok.”

He mixed some red wine and scooped with spoon and placed near my lips. He signed me to take that.

The odour of the crab and mixed with wine made me feel dizzy. I felt strange sensation in my head. In spite of all those, I took the food from the spoon. As it went in my throat, my whole body shook.

I somehow finished the dinner. He asked me all the time as how was the food. I nodded my head to express that it was good. Last of all I could not control my uneasiness and went inside the restroom and vomited. Himadri got tensed as he found me vomiting. He rushed to the restroom and poured water on my face and head.

His voice was tensed---“Are you Ok? You could have told me that you don’t like crabs. I would not have ordered then.”

I looked at him and said---“You already placed the order before I finished my sentence.”

“Sorry Suchi.” He hugged me from behind and rubbed his nose on my nape.

My head was spinning, I was too weak and I was about to fall down. His strong arms around me deterred me from falling down. He scooped me in his arms and lifted me to the bed. He laid me down on the bed and covered me with the bed-cover.

He sat beside me and asked politely---“Feeling ok?”

I nodded my head “Yes.”

I closed my eyes and tried to take rest.

After sometime I opened my eyes and found him sitting outside the cottage on the balcony with a bottle of liquor. I felt itching sensation on my skin. In the low light of the night lamp, I looked at my arms and chest. Rashes were all over my arms and chest.

I slept alone on the huge bed.

First night of my honeymoon. I was alone with my void soul on the bed and my husband was in the balcony with his bottle.

I was down with fever for next two days and we could not go out of the resort. I saw the tension in his eyes. He was very much concerned about me. He was feeling depressed and was continuously blaming himself for my ill-health. However, I felt that I ruined our honeymoon.

I asked him---“Himadri, you are angry upon me due to my fever?”

He looked at my face and said---“No, I am not angry upon you. I am disappointed with myself.”

I came near him and touched his hand---“Don’t feel sad, Himadri. Out journey has just started. Several crest and troughs are waiting in front of us.”

He looked painfully at my face---“Sometimes, it is very hard to understand you, Suchi. Your bewitching beauty has several hidden tales. Most of the time, your eyes are expressionless and that look haunts me.”

I laughed at him and joked---“My expressionless eyes? Didn’t that captured you, Himadri?”

He scooped me up from the bed and carried me to the balcony. I sat on his lap, hugging his neck with my arms. He held me tightly around my waist. I forgot all the pains, my heart bore.

I looked out to the infinite horizon of the emerald green and blue coloured sea. The waves and the white froth crushing on the yellow ochre sandy beach.

His fingers were kneading my soft tummy gently over my gown. His touches gave a tingling sensation on my tummy. He rubbed his head and face on my cushy bosoms. I was not wearing any innerwear, so the friction heated my bosoms up and I cooed softly---“Himadri…..”

He looked at my squint eyes and asked me---“What?”

I moaned---“Not here, Himadri.”

He hugged me tightly and pressed his head on my cleavage. He was still for quite some time, he did not moved a muscle.

He looked up to me and said---“Do you believe that life is a cycle?”

I gave a queer look at him and asked---“What does this mean?”

---“I mean to say that, do you believe that past catches up in one’s life?”

“I have a bitter past with broken heart and bleeding soul. I don’t know what happened to him. I don’t know why he did this to me. I don’t know even that who I am.” My question was “Has he come to know about my past? What will be his reaction if he comes to know about my bleeding soul?” I could not make things out from the look on his face.

I asked---“Why are you telling this?”

He looked at the horizon of the sea and said in a low voice---“I had an old flame during my college years. She cited the reason of caste and creed and our relation snapped. I persuaded her a lot, that cast and creed won’t hamper our relation. But, she was not willing to come in terms.”

My soul writhed and I cursed myself. I smiled to myself “What a pair of broken hearts the heaven has made. Should I divulge my soul to him or not?” However, some unknown magnetic force restrained me from divulging my extinct flames. The only thing I could think that time that “He has kept the flame burning inside his soul. My flames doused with the pyre of my mother and my sacrament.”

I ruffled his hairs with my soft fingers and said to him---“I will make that up, Himadri.”

He looked at me, his lips touched mine. He cooed out---“Promise, Suchi.”

His face turned hazy, due to my brewing eyes.

I took his face between my palms---“Promise.”

“Yes, I made that promise. It was half-heartedly. Why it was halfheartedly? I don’t know the reason.”


##

[usaiha2]

Next day morning, it was fourth day of our trip. I felt better. I was still in the bed. My sleep was broken by a soft jingle. I looked with my sleepy eyes. I found Himadri’s smiling face in front of me. He was sounding the cup of tea with the spoon and cooed in my ears---“Come on sleepy damsel. Time to get up.”

I pulled myself up and looked at my chest. The upper part of my night-dress was much below as where it should be. I pulled the bed-sheet till my chest and looked at him. He touched my forehead and felt my temperature.

---“No fever. So how are you feeling?”

I stretched my arms overhead. His lewd gaze on my bosom made me writhe in bed. With my squint eyes I scolded him softly---“Don’t look at your sleeping beauty, like that.”

He stooped forward and whispered---“Am I looking to some other’s wife darling?”

I pushed his face by his forehead---“I have to freshen myself up.”

“Hmmmm…. Surely. So where do you want to go today?” He asked me.

I glanced over my shoulder as I entered the restroom---“How come I know? You have brought me here.”

---“Cellular jail is the main attraction on Port Blair. After breakfast we are going there.”

I dressed up in a beautiful chiffon pink sari and sleeveless blouse as to comply his request. My bun was resting on my nape. He asked me to put some flowers in my bun, which I obeyed. I finished my gracing before the dressing table. He looked at me in the reflection and came behind me. Put his arms around my waist and pressed his lips on my shoulder.

---“Do we have to go to Cellular jail, darling?”

I tightened his embrace around me. I felt somewhat secured. I cooed in his ears---“We have the whole night at our disposal Himadri.”

He loosened his grip and said---“Ok.”

  ##

We entered the premises of the famous “Cellular jail” of Port Blair. Without visiting this place, the Andaman trip would have been incomplete, I felt. There were only three blocks each of three stories of cells present. The guide explained us that, all other blocks were destroyed due to natural calamities. During the British rule, our Indian freedom fighters were locked up in these cells. Those cells were small and dingy with only a small window at the top. The guide took us to the cell where Savarkar was jailed. The gate was three fold.

I looked at Himadri and asked---“How he fled from this cell?”

Himadri looked at me and joked---“Push me by the cliff, I will goto him and ask.”

I started to beat him---“Don’t ever joke at me like that.”

We observed that there were few inmates also present. I asked the guide as why there were inmates in the jail, if it was closed one.

He explained that, those were castaway fishermen from Burma.

The guide then showed us the museum where the whips and other torture tools were in displayed. There was a clay statue of a man chained on a nailed wooden block. I looked at his painful face and then looked at Himadri.

He looked at me and understood that I was unable to stand those sightings. He hugged me closely we came out.

By the evening we were in our cottage. I changed myself to a simple salwar and walked alone on the sandy beach. I looked over my shoulder, Himadri was reclining in the chair on the balcony sipping his favourite drink.

I came back after an hour.

He said to me---“Your ChotoMa called.”

I shrugged my shoulder---“What’s new.” And I walked inside the cottage.

---“Not that. She was concerned about your health and she asked us to return.”

I was astonished and angry---“WHAT? She has asked us to return?”

---“Yes. What is your opinion, Suchi?”

I looked at his face and came near him---“What do you want to do?”

He handed me the phone and asked me to call ChotoMa.

I asked him again as what he wanted. He answered---“I don’t want to offend your ChotoMa. Since you are not pulling well so I think it will be better that we return tomorrow.”

I called up ChotoMa---“How are you and Babu?”

---“We are fine. But I heard that you had fever?”

---“Yeah, just like that. All new places and sea water.”

She sounded cold---“ShonaMa, don’t lie at least. Himadri told me that it was due to the crab. You had rashes. I am concerned about you. Come back.”

I shook my head---“ChotoMa, you are too much concerned.”

---“Yes. A little bit. Give the phone to Himadri.”

I handed him the phone. They talked for some time and then asked me to pack the bags.


##

[usaiha2]

Last night in the cottage of our honeymoon. Himadri tossed me over and over again on the ridge of soft love and passionate embrace as we melted ourselves. I stitched my torn soul to mend it with what was at my disposal. I apprehended that I had to contended myself with the snowflakes that I had.


I rested my head on his broad chest and he was gently scratching my scalp.

He spoke in a low voice---“Suchi...”

I whispered---“Yes”

---“I have another request to make.”

---“Hmmmm…”

---“I don’t want to start a family early.”

I pulled up and rested on my elbow and looked at his face---“Why?”

---“We have married just now. I don’t want to start a family so early, Suchi.”

I asked him---“What if your parents coaxes us to start?”

---“I don’t have the answer but you have to cite some reason.”

I closed my eyes and lay down on the pillow---“I don’t know Himadri. I am too feeble to stand against anyone. If you can manage then make your parents apprehend if they coax for grandchild. Anything that will come in future I will not turn my face away from that.”

  ##

Just then the mobile rang. It was near Himadri so he answered.

---“No we haven’t slept yet. How come you are awake at this time?”

I turned towards him and asked as who has called. It was midnight. He handed me the phone, it was Maithili.

She asked me---“How are you doing, Dear?”

At first I was skeptical as I didn’t have the correct answer as how I was.

I looked at his face as he was looking at me and answered---“I am doing fine.”

I heard her giggle on the other end. I wrapped the gown around my torso and walked to the balcony.

---“Why have you called at this time?”

She answered---“Just like that, Paree. I only wanted to know as how you are doing.”

I pressed the phone with all my strength to my ear and stammered out---“I….. Am…… Doing …… Fine…. Churni…… Good Night………”

 ##

Return flight back to Kolkata. I was very quiet all along the journey. The unnatural silence was pinching hard on both of us. He probably understood something. I looked out the window. The blue sky and blue ocean beneath. One could not demarcate as where one has ended and the other started. Himadri touched my shoulder to bring me back.

He asked me---“Something wrong? Why are you so calm and quiet?”

I smiled at him as I felt a pain in my soul. The pain was, as if I was again being caged from one ivory chamber to another---“Nothing…”

---“I know what you are thinking.”

I constricted my brows and asked him---“What?”

He let out a deep breath---“Don’t worry about the job. I have already spoken to the Director of a school. They were searching for a Physics teacher. Indian School Of Learning. The school is situated in the ISM campus.”

I could not control my feelings, my eyes brewed and my lips quivered. I gave a grateful look at him. He took my face between his palms and with is thumbs, wiped the rolling tears from my cheeks.

He whispered---“I will persuade mom and dad.”

I felt like hugging him with all my strength but I restrained as we were in an airplane.

[usaiha2]

ChotoMa was there at the airport to greet us. I was surprised to see Niladri to be present to greet us. I ran towards ChotoMa and hugged her tightly. She kissed my head. I smiled at Niladri and exchanged courtesy pleasantries.

Himadri asked Niladri as how come he was there? He answered that my ChotoMa informed my in-laws about my ill-health so my father-in-law send him to take us back.

We all were in the drawing room after dinner. ChotoMa was asking about our trip. Himadri looked at the painting of “Death of Socrates” that Abhimanyu painted and that graced the wall of the drawing room. I looked at the painting and devoured the creativity for some time.

Himadri asked ChotoMa---“Abhimanyu did not attend our wedding?”

ChotoMa looked at me. I feigned that I had not heard as what they said. My gaze was still then locked on the painting.

ChotoMa answered---“He came two days ago. He left today morning citing some urgent work.”

Her answer made my ears burn as if someone has poured hot oil on it. I clenched my jaws and gave a fiery look at ChotoMa. My heart thumped loudly inside my chest as if it would burst out any moment. I closed my eyes while those lies poured in my ears.

She nodded her head and said---“Yes he came.”

Himadri looked at me and then at ChotoMa---“What type of person he is? He left without meeting us?”

---“He was asking about you. I told him that you have gone for your honeymoon. He was happy.”

He asked---“Suchi and Abhimanyu must be very close. Was his job that much important than her?”

ChotoMa looked at me and then answered to his query---“They were not so much close. He actually left home before she came here.”

Himadri nodded his head. What he understood I did not know---“But, he must have come in the last two years, right?”

I hissed out at ChotoMa---“Stop this. I am tired.” I looked at Himadri and asked him whether he want to rest or not.

I knew by my heart and soul that ChotoMa was telling lie, but I did not questioned her. I stood up and said that I wanted to rest.



I walked inside the bathroom and looked my face in the mirror. It was red. My nose tips flared and a painful gurgle brewed inside my chest. “Why I have to hear his name time and again. I want to forget him.” I splashed water on my face, but that was not enough to drench my stringent pain in my soul. I clenched my fist and thumped on my bosom, but the fire was not doused yet. I looked up again and straightened up myself. I said to myself “Enough Suchi. Stop thinking about him. You are now Mrs. Karmakar. Forget what you had and embrace what you have. He is your past and your future is with you. Love and live what you have got.”



I walked in my room. I looked at the bookshelf and my bed. Everything was graced for our arrival to welcome Mr. Himadri Karmakar and Mrs. Suchismita Karmakar.

______________________________

[usaiha2]

Chapter 4: Neoteric Vista

----------------------------

We started early morning from ChotoMa’s house. She was crying.

She hugged me on her bosom and whispered---“ShonaMa, be a good girl.” I was unable to control my tears also.

Himadri hugged me and gently ushered me in the car. He assured to ChotoMa that he would take care of her “daughter” like a pearl on a lotus leaf. I looked at the house. I looked at the window of the drawing room. Suddenly I felt that “Abhimanyu” was standing there. I smiled painfully and boarded the car.

We drove back to Dhanbad. It was a long drive of about seven hours. Niladri was driving and Himadri was beside me.

We reached the house. My new realm was waiting for me.

  ##

The house was in Hirapur, behind Durga Mandir. House was duplex. Not as large as my ChotoMa’s house. On the ground floor, there were two bedrooms, one kitchen and one huge drawing room. In one room, Niladri used to stay and one room was for us. There was a study in the ground floor, in which my father-in-law used to spend his time with his associates. He was a coal contractor. Due to that reason, our house was always filled up with lots of people. Mostly of which were rough and coarse in nature.

There was a worship-room in the first floor. I used to get up early in the morning, take bath, and finish my daily worship before entering the kitchen. That was my daily routine since my childhood days. Even when I was in Kolkata, not for a single day I missed my worship.

  #

I came to know that my father-in-law and mother-in-law got married at a very early age. He was only twenty-three and she was just nineteen. Himadri was their first child.

 #

ChotoMa and Babu paid for all the furniture for my room. It was bought without my consultation. It was bought my Himadri and Niladri. I came to know that Niladri opposed to buy those furniture. He suggested that since we have to live together so all those should be bought according to my choice. But later I came to know that it was my father-in-laws order that the furniture to be bought so that his daughter-in-law does not sleep in a simple cot on her first night.

One side of the wall of my room, there was a huge cupboard. I looked around my room and was contended.

 #

A typical old mitigated mentality of my mother-in-law was unfurled gradually. Kitchen was her main domain. I was instructed that the males were to finish their dinner before she and I could sit for dinner. I cursed myself. Not in my native, place neither in my house in Kolkata, I was instructed with such dictation.

The day I first stepped into the kitchen, my mother-in-law explained me like a teacher. The cupboard had several small containers of the spices and cookeries all labeled. The sink was in one corner of the black marble top.

She said, pointed to five glasses (what was different in them I could not make out) and said to me---“Everyone in this house has their own glasses to drink. You should remember this.”

 #

[usaiha2]

On the first day of his office, after our honeymoon. He was getting ready for his office. I was near the cupboard arranging his shirts and trousers. It was January and winter in Dhanbad was an extreme one. He wore a black pinstripe shirt over his pair of jeans. I was watching him with the corner of my eyes as he was glancing and giving me a sly smile all the time while buttoning his shirt.


After sometime, he came near me. I flinched my brows as I expected him to do some mischief with me. He pressed himself against my back and stretched out to take out something from the cabinet of the cupboard. The metallic nozzle froze me there. It was a pistol. I became stiff in fear. I was dumbfounded to see the weapon. Every pores of my skin rose. I shook in his arms. He deduced that I was caught by a sheer panic.

Slowly I turned towards him, engulfed within his embrace and looked at his face. He figured out from my pale face that I was very much agitated by seeing the weapon.

He spoke in a very calm voice as he tucked the weapon behind his back, in the belt of his jeans.

---“Suchi, don’t panic. This is what I wanted to tell you long ago but somehow I could not.”

My eyes were filled up with tears of angst. I yelled at him---“What is this Himu?”

He took my crying face between his palms and asked me to stop crying.

---“Please don’t look at me like that, Suchi. I will explain everything.”

---“What do you want to explain? It is like that I do not know you at all, Himu. Why you kept me in dark?”

He gently wiped my wet trails from my cheek and with a persuading voice---“Suchi, Suchi, Suchi. Try to understand……”

I yelled at him---“Understand what, Himu?”

He let out a deep breath out of his chest---“I am a manager of a coal mine. To work in a coal mine is dangerous. I am always surrounded by rough goons. I have to handle coal mafias and dangerous people every day.”

I clasped my arms around him very tightly. I could hear his heart thumping loud inside his chest. My tears soaked a part of his shirt.

He gently rubbed his hand on my head---“Come on, Suchi. Nothing is going to happen to me. For past seven years, this was my bodyguard. Niladri works with my dad. He carries one. My dad also carries one all the time. It is a part of my life now, Suchi.”

It was more of a pain than fear that filled up my soul “Where I have come?”

Slowly, I unwrapped my arms from his torso and walked away.

He touched my hand and pleaded to me---“Give a sweet smile before I leave for office. If my darling wife cries like this, then I will not be able to work, dear.”

I wiped my tears and smiled at him---“Promise that you return in one piece.”

He nodded his head---“Promise.”

He stopped for a little while before going out of the room, looked back at me. I stood still, clutching the chair and was praying for his safe return.

He threw a flying kiss at me and said---“I will take you out today for dinner after I return.”

His office was in Jhamadoba Colliery, which was about sixteen kilometers from Dhanbad.

#

[usaiha2]

In the evening, after he returned from office, he took me out for dinner. We sat in the Kaveri restaurant near Bartand bus stand. It was a good restaurant.


Himadri sat beside me and nudged my shoulder---“Suchi, I am sorry that I kept many things in dark. I did not want you to take unnecessary tensions. I thought to explain you everything at proper time. But that will come in this way, I have not dreamt of.”

I looked at my plate and said---“I am your wife now, Himu. Don’t I have the right to know as what my husband does? How he spend his days in his office?”

He spoke in a persuading voice---“You do have the right. I will not conceal anything from you. My dad is a coal contractor and he moves around with goons all the time. We have many foes in our business. Niladri handles most of the goons in the coalfields. Therefore, he also carries a weapon along with him all the time. Even if I am a manager but I have to defend myself from the goons so I do also carry.”

My eyes glistened with pain as “Where I had been put off? Was this my fate that brought me here or was it man-made who wanted to change my fate?”

Very softly, he rubbed his finger on my cheeks to sooth my pains and wiped my brewing eyes.

I smiled softly at him.

He looked deeply in my eyes and said---“I will talk to dad about your teaching profession. Do not worry. Whatever happens we will face that together.”

I held his arms very tightly. I felt very much secured as he put his right arm around me.

  ##

One evening, third week of January during the dinner, Himadri was eating quietly along with Niladri and father-in-law. He looked at me and then said to his dad---“Dad, I was thinking that Suchi should take up her teaching job.”

My father-in-law looked at my face and said---“Why she needs a job? I told you beforehand that I wanted a homemaker.”

He sounded very stern. His voice shook me. I knew beforehand that he would not allow me to dwell outside his house.

Niladri said---“Dad, Boudi is highly educated. If she sits in the house then it will be useless.”

Himadri spoke---“Dad, I don’t want my wife to sit out in the house.”

My father-in-law suddenly said something that made me burn in shame and anger.

---“What about the household works? I want my daughter-in-law to cook for me.”

Himadri looked at my face. I was looking down to the table and my eyes were hazy. I could not speak a single word, as I felt that “Was I an educated maid? Was that they wanted?”

Himadri apprehended my pains and he said---“She will do her job, Dad. I have made a promise to her on the first day.”

After much of coaxing and explanation, my father-in-law gave the permission for my job.

After few days, Himadri took me to the school. The school was inside the ISM campus, Indian School of Learning. While we drove inside the campus, he showed me his classrooms, his hostels, his mess. The campus was huge. There were trees on both sides of the main road. The school was at one end of the campus.

I got the job of a Physics teacher of senior section, in the school.

#

[usaiha2]

I called ChotoMa on the day I received the appointment letter. 

From first week of February, I joined the school. I was very happy. A rickshaw was fixed, to take me to the school and bring me back to home after school. Until then I had closed all my doors and windows around me. Gradually I started to open the windows to let fresh air to breath in my soul. I had a job and I had a caring husband to look after me.

#

The day, I received my first cheque; I called ChotoMa and informed her.

ChotoMa was very happy to hear that---“So ShonaMa has at last got what you dreamt of?”

I pressed the phone with my ears---“Thank you ChotoMa. I miss you a lot.”

---“I also miss you very much. When can I see you?”

I sobbed out---“I will ask Himu, to take me to Kolkata. I want to see you.”

She said to me in a persuading voice---“ShonaMa, you are now someone’s wife. So you have to take his permission as well.”

#

I asked Himadri that I wanted to goto Kolkata. He did not object to my proposal. We drove to Kolkata by our car.

I gifted ChotoMa a saree from the money of my first earning. She was very happy and she said that it was the best gift she ever received from anyone. She hugged me. I had to comeback by the weekend as I joined the school just then. Himadri also joined his office after our marriage.

When we were to leave, ChotoMa asked me---“Are you happy?”

That was a question I did not have a proper answer. I did not know then whether I was actually happy or just feigning to be happy. I nodded my head to gesture that I was happy as Himadri was standing next to me.

#

[usaiha2]

It was April second week. 


It was the birthday of Himadri. I acted as if I had forgotten his birthday. He kept on knocking me, gesturing me somehow. I was laughing inside all the while on seeing his restlessness. He even called me during school hours. I acted very indifferent towards him as if I had totally forgotten his birthday. While returning from my school I went to Bank More to buy a Raymond suit-piece for him. I knew that it would cost me more than half of my salary, but it was my first present for my dear husband. I knew that he love to wear suits and he had only two blazers in his cupboard. I bought the best I could get, a cream coloured suit-piece for him.

I returned late after shopping. My mother-in-law asked me as why I was late. I told her the reason. She said to me that I should inform her where I was going.

Until the dinner was over, he was in a shock that I had not wished him. I already packed the suit in a gift-pack and kept that under the bed-cover as a pillow. When we retired to our room, he hugged me from back and rubbed his face on my nape. I feigned that I had headache and was laughing within. He was very much depressed and pulled the bed-cover to lie down. That is when he found the gift packet.

He almost screamed in bliss and scooped me in his arms. I flung my arms around his neck and rubbed my nose over his.

I cooed---“Happy Birthday Himu.”

#

The one thing I gradually noticed in that house that, Himadri and Niladri used to booze every evening. At least they showed some courtesy towards me. I was not asked to accompany them. At first, I was skeptical that, whenever alcohol runs in veins of males then they become more like beast. He used to booze a lot. Every night whenever he was inebriated state and wanted to touch me. I became furious and used to scold him a lot. However, all was ignored. I was in a real painful state.

One night, everything went out of hand, when he tried to maul me in that aberrant state.

I shouted at him---“No, don’t touch me.”

He staggered a bit and fumbled with me. My soul burnt in rage and slapped him hard on his face.

There was fire in his eyes and lewd look. He hissed at me---“Don’t dare to talk to me like that.”

I clenched my jaws and answered him in the same tone---“Why don’t you leave me alone? You want to sleep, ok. Leave me alone. I will sleep on the floor.”

I picked up the pillow, quilt, placed on the floor, and slept in the floor.

That was just the beginning of the fight. I felt that it was useless to talk to him about his booze.

My school days were going very well, but day by day, the routine was getting hectic for me. Every day early in the morning I had to get up, perform my daily puja. One thing that I did not want to miss during my lifetime. Then I had to prepare breakfast. Even if there were maids in the house but Himadri and his parents wanted me to cook. Therefore, I had to prepare breakfast and then prepare myself for the school. Yes, my mother-in-law helped me. However, that was something else. Rather than helping me, she used to point out mistakes.

#

One evening I was very much tired after my school, so I was taking rest in my room. Himadri had not yet returned from office.

My mother-in-law yelled from the drawing room---“Suchi, this is not a time to sleep. What about the dinner?”

I clenched my jaws and thought, “What a woman she was.” Somehow I spoke---“I am having headache.”

“You should have taken some medicines then.” She came inside my room and touched my forehead. “I don’t feel that you have any fever.”

“What, am I feigning my headache?” but it was my in-laws house so I had to keep my mouth shut. That day was the first day of my life; I understood that mother is always a mother. Whether it be ChotoMa or mother-in-law, no one can understand the pain of a daughter who does not have a daughter of his or her own. Somehow, I carried myself to the kitchen and started to cook. I heard the screeching sound of the car. Himadri had returned. I gathered up courage after I served him the tea in our room. He looked at my face; my eyes were red as my head was spinning even after taking disprin.

“What happened to you?” his voice was tensed and he touched my forehead.

My eyes glistened as I felt his soothing touch on my forehead. “It is only a headache.”

He staggered---“What? You have a headache and you are in the kitchen? Why can’t you take rest? Tomorrow you have school.”

I was in a huge dilemma whether I should tell Himadri about those or not. How would he react to my words? I was his wife and she was his mother. I stood there still, looking at the table. He looked at my face and placed his fingers under my chin.

He asked me---“What happened?”

I shook my head---“Nothing, happened.”

“Why are you lying?” He shouted “Ma, what happened to Suchi?”

I was taken aback by his sudden actions, my heart started to beat very, very loudly inside my chest.

I looked up and pressed his lips with my hand---“I told you, the headache was nothing. Then why are making a mountain out of mole-hill?”

He gently kissed my fingers and looked deeply in my eyes---“So, it was mom who insisted you to cook.”

I shook my head again to persuade him “No one forced me to cook.”

He did not believed me, I sensed that, huge storm was about to come in that house. I placed his hand on my head and asked him to promise---“Don’t tell a word to your mother.”

---“First of all you tell me as what all happened.”

---“First promise that whatever I would tell you are not going to say a single word to your mother.”

---“Ok. I do promise.”

I told him the details. He heard all those, very keenly and shook his head in dismay. After hearing all those, he let out a deep exhale from his chest and looked away from me.

I asked him---“I told you to keep away. I am ok.”

---“I am not concerned whether you are ok or my mother is ok. What concerns me is that, this is the start of something.”

---“What do you want me to do. Are you asking me to leave my job, just after two months?”

He looked at me and said---“No, I will not ask you to leave your job. You can carry on with that, but you have to handle everything as they suggest. You have to keep that in mind also.”

My chest gurgled and I stood still in the room. I looked at him with rage and glistening eyes and said in a very stern voice---“Himadri, you knew very, very well as what I wanted. I told you even before our marriage.”

So that was the fight that was about to take off. It was Niladri, who entered in search of something in the room and we had to press a brake in our conversation, which was turning to a bitter fight.

#

[usaiha2]

Days turned in months. The domain of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law overlapped in the kitchen. Moreover, when there was an overlap, it was evident to have fight in some way or the other. She did not like my way of keeping the utensils in the rack. She did not like my way of keeping the container in the cupboard.


#

One morning I was pouring water in the filter, she came behind me and asked me as what I was doing. I said her that I was pouring water as she could easily see that. Now that started in an argument as the container from which I was pouring water was not the proper container. I said to her that the container was a clean one, but she was adamant. She made me to drain all the water from the filter to the sink and then made me to wash the actual container which was according to her was the water container. She then made me to pour water from that container to the filter. I was boiling in rage, but I had to do that without any single word. That day I was late for my school. The fussy nature of my mother-in-law was evolving in front of me.

#

After few months of my school days, my in-laws started to pester me for a grandchild. I kept mum on all those words.

One night I told to Himadri---“See, Himu, your parents have started to pester me for a grandchild. As I told you earlier, you had to manage them so it is now your turn. However, I remind you, if anything happens anytime, and then do not blame me, as that will not be my fault. It takes two hands to sound a clap.”

#

One weekend we were standing in front of Puja Talkies after enjoying a movie. It was a late evening show. There was a wine shop near the cinema hall. Himadri pointed to that wine shop and said to me that he used to buy wines from there whenever they came to enjoy movies, during their college days.

I constricted my brows and asked him---“So how was your college days?”

---“Oh! Damn those days were awesome.”

I smiled at him and asked---“I have heard that the seniors rag juniors. So what type of ragging you did and you had.”

He came near me and whispered in my ears---“Do you really want to hear?”

I pulled myself back and looked at his face. There was a mischievous smile on his face.

---“Why, is there something bad or worse that you did?”

He laughed and said to me---“Ok. I will tell you about my ragging days. But at night.”

---“Why not now, why at night?”

---“Come on Suchi. If I tell you now then I will do naughty things with you and you….”

I blushed on hearing his words and said to him---“If it is like that naughty then I don’t want to hear.”

He held me by my shoulders and said---“I will surely tell you explaining everything.”

I slapped him on his cheek and said---“NO, I don’t want to hear all those..”

He hugged me tightly and said---“I will describe everything to my beautiful wife.”

I looked down to hide my coy face. I asked him in low voice---“Will you take me to your office?”

He looked at me and asked---“You mean you want to goto colliery?”

---“Yes. What is the harm? I want to see where you work.”

He scratched his scalp for some time and then---“Hmmmmm…. Ok I will take you next weekend.”

After dinner, I was resting on his chest. Himu started to tell about his college days.

---“First day in ISM was really bad. We all had to wear white shirt and black pant. We had to form a line and go to the class room.”

---“Really, that is more like a school, is not it. Good that those happened with you. Such a naughty fellah.”

He started tickling me like hell---“See, if now there are more of it.”

I was laughing as he tickled me on sides of my tummy---“Ok ok. I will hear everything.”

He started with his ragging experiences. I was enjoying at first as how he was ragged during his college days.

---“One day the seniors came to our hostel and asked us to form a line in the field. And then asked each of us that whom do we admire most, Tarzan or Superman.”

I look at him and asked---“What these cartoon characters to do with the ragging?”

---“Some of the students, said their favourite cartoon character was Tarzan and they were asked to pull down their pants and to run in the field with just underwear.”

I laughed my heart out, upon hearing his words.

He continued---“Those who told, that they loved Superman. They were asked to put on their underwear over their full pants and then run in the field.”

I could not control my laughter and asked him---“What was your favourite character and what you did?”

He embraced me tightly, pulled me over him, and looked me in my deep eyes. I felt melting by his deep gaze. He whispered---“I love Tarzan and you also.”

I felt his hands roaming on my back and pulling me on him.

I yelled out in a veiled scolding voice---“Stop that and what more they did.”

---“One night the seniors came to our hostel and made us stand in a line.”

---“Hmmm… then what did they do with you all?”

---“The seniors did hell out of us. They all handed us a condom and asked us to masturbate and fill the condom with our semen.”

I shrieked---“WHAT the hell?” I was red-faced upon hearing his words. I hid my face on his chest.

He pulled up my face; I felt his warm breath flooding my face.

He whispered in my ears---“And you know very well that how much I can fill….”

That was too much for me. I started slapping him very hard---“I don’t want to hear anything.”

He laughed and started to kiss me all over. Made me insane with passion and love. I felt melting in his torrential showers.

After his rough play, I asked him---“Himu, your parents are pestering me for a grandchild. My ChotoMa is also asking for, what have you thought of?”

He said a bit roughly, to me---“Why don’t you make some excuse and try to avoid those questions?”

I hissed at him---“Why don’t you ask your parents then?”

---“Suchi, tell me frankly as what is in your mind? What actually you want?”

I turned away from him and said---“I am already twenty-eight, Himu and you are thirty-two. I think it is high time.”

---“I don’t want any discussion now.”

I pressed the pillow on my face and doused my silent tears on the pillow. No soothing touch from him. My chest pulsated; huge waves crashed one after another. I excepted, his soothing touch on shoulder. However, there was none.

[usaiha2]

Next weekend Himadri and I visited his colliery site. Jhamadoba colliery was sixteen kilometers from Dhanbad. There were only huts around the colliery. When we reached, it was noon. I found that the workers were working in the mine. I looked around the place. Everywhere there were heavy earthmovers machineries and worker.


Himadri said to me---“Now you understand where I work.”

The supervisor and other junior engineers came forward to greet me.

---“Always I am surrounded by these workers class and low class people, Suchi. See around you.”

I saw two huge fans built in the walls of the mine. One was rotating at high speed and other was off.

I asked Himadri as what was the use of those fans in coalmines.

He explained---“Those fans are exhaust fans. They rotate twenty-four into seven into three-sixty-five days. After one year we put-off one fan, another is started.”

He pointed to the quarries dug in the hillock and said---“These are burrows to enter the mine.”

I saw rails on the ground and there were huge pullies to pull up those wagons.

The conditions of workers were pathetic. Most of the workers were low class people, Santhals mostly. Those worker had a simple so-called helmet attached with a torch and a battery attached with their belt at the back. The back portion of the pants, mostly damaged by the acidic water of the battery. I felt like crying as I saw those workers. None seemed to have their food two times a day. Yet they were working. I stood at the entrance of the query and Himadri was standing by my side.

I asked him---“Do they shovel the coals from the quarry?”

---“No, we do blasting of coal. I will explain you. See as we go on inside the quarry, we dug coal. We drill into the coal-bed and put dynamite sticks in a series connection. Then all those dynamites are blasted and coal is then shoveled out on those trolleys that you see on the rails.”

---“So there are machines to burrow inside the coal-bed or the burrows are even dug by humans?”

---“There are drill machines. Those drill machines are held by these workers to dig some twelve to thirteen feet deep burrow inside the coal bed.”

I looked at him “What an inhuman practice” I thought.

I asked him---“Don’t you feel that these are really inhuman practice.”

He simply shook his head and said---“This is life here, Suchi. Now do you understand why I drink?”

I shook my head---“No, this is not the reason for your boozing. Don’t try to put a veil and give lame excuse.”

 ##

From the month of May, the summer vacation was to start. Same time I received the call from Kalyani that she was expecting her child. She was my best friend; I did not want to miss her childbirth. She did a lot for me. I told Himadri that Kalyani was expecting her first child and I wanted to be by her side.

He joked at me on hearing that and asked me---“Are you planning of something?”

I blushed and asked him---“What do you want?”

He held me tightly in his arms and kissed my face all over---“I don’t know as of now. As of now I know I have the most beautiful wife in the whole world.”

He went insane when he loved me that night. The next day I was to goto my native place. I informed Maithili and Kalyani well before hand that I would be arriving. They were also very happy to know that I was coming after a long time.

#

The day I stepped in my native house, I felt a huge void in my chest. Maithili came forward to greet us. It was after five months, I returned with my husband to my native place. My brothers and sister-in-laws were very happy to see me. They were pleased with the presence of Himadri also. He looked around the house and asked me as which was my room. He asked me a lot of question about my childhood days. I told him about my childhood days. There were few things better to keep in dark, I felt. One thing I observed that Dushtu was not talking to me as his usual days. He had grown up by then.

Himadri had to return to Dhanbad after few days. We were in my room. He asked me---“There are lots of memories attached with this house.”

I looked at him as to understand his question---“Yes and it is evident.”

---“No I am asking because whenever you went to the backyard I felt you were bit lost.”

“Oh! How come he noticed that?” It was the mango tree. Himadri returned to Dhanbad.

#

After few days, I was loitering on the roof, looking vaguely out to the fields, I felt a sot tap on my shoulder. I looked back and found Dushtu was standing behind me. He gave a rugged look at me. He was then not a child, he had grown up.

I ruffled his hair---“How are you? You are not that small now. I can’t take you in my lap.”

He smiled painfully at me---“Paree Auntie, Abhimanyu Uncle never came back. Why Paree auntie?”

His name again flooded my ears. I bit my lower lips on hearing his name. My life was flowing in a good rhythm. All those five months, not for a single time any one uttered his name to me. His name brought out the hidden pains in my heart. I looked away from him trying hard to hide my tears that were about to drop off from my eyes.

He understood probably. He came near me and hugged me tightly from behind---“Paree Auntie, what happened to Abhi Uncle?”

His words shattered me. I clasped him tightly and sobbed---“He is ok. He will surely come one day to tell you the rest of the story.”

He looked at me and said---“I don’t believe that Paree Auntie. You made promise for last three years. He was even not present at your wedding. I am not blind Paree Auntie.”

I clenched my jaws and gave a stern look at him---“What do you mean?”

He released his arms around me. He gently walked back towards the staircase. I looked at his slow steps.

He yelled---“I know everything who was that thief and who was that fairy. You should have……”

The last few words shattered every core of my slender frame. I clasped my arms and pressed those on my chest. I sat cowered on the roof at one corner and cried silently. “Why you did this to me? Why? Whose fault was this, yours, mine or ChotoMa? Who was wrong?”

#

One night I was in my room. I was reading some novel when Maithili came inside my room and sat beside. I was very much engrossed in the novel so I was unaware as when she entered my room. She placed her palms on my head and I got startled on the known loving touch. I looked at her. She was smiling beautifully at me---“I am glad that you are smiling.”

I took a deep breath and gave a smile---“What do you want me to have? Shall I lament on the spilt milk?”


#

---“I have not asked you for that, Paree. I am just saying that I am glad that you have overcome the past feelings.”

“Have I actually? Just few days ago my veins were shattered again with the words of Dushtu.”

#

On third week of May, Kalyani experienced birth pangs. She was rushed to hospital. I was by her side when she was taken to hospital. She looked at me and asked me before entering the operation theatre---“I was not present at your wedding, forgive me.”

I yelled at her---“Why are you telling me these things now? Come on, nothing is going to happen to you.”

She gave birth to a beautiful girl. I took that little child in my arms and looked at her closed eyes. I cried in joy and handed the baby angel to her father. Dipankar kissed on the forehead. I was very happy on that day.

After she was shifted to the room, Kalyani and Dipankar asked me name the child. I looked at them and said---“Why should I name her? You are her parents you should name her.”

Kalyani took my palms in her---“It is a request from my side Paree.”

I took the baby I my arms, the only name that came in my mind was “Pubali”, late sister of Arundhati.

My nose flared up, my chest gurgled as all those memoirs flooded my brains. All those scenes came up in front of my eyes. Few drops rolled down my cheeks and I muttered---“Pubali.”

Many memoirs were attached with that name. She asked for a promise from him and he complied with her last wish. Kalyani knew very well what brought tears in my eyes.

She said---“The best name one could ever thought of Paree.” She pressed my hand.

Somehow, I stole my gaze and came out of the room.

#

I called Himadri and informed him that Kalyani had given birth to a sweet baby angel.

He joked at me---“Suchi, so what about you?”

I wiped my tears and said---“I don’t know dear.”

---“What is her name?”

---“I named her after one of my friend, Pubali.”

---“Sweet name. So when are you coming back? Missing you very much.”

---“Really you are missing me? You have got office and bottles with you Himu, so why miss me?”

---“Suchi please. Really I am missing you very much.”

---“Ok, ok. I will return to Kolkata in few days and then I will return to Dhanbad in few days.”

---“Do you want me or Niladri to come?”

---“No need, I will return by Coal-Field in the evening. Do not worry about me. I am ok.”

I called ChotoMa and informed her that Kalyani gave birth to a sweet baby girl. She asked me when I was returning to Kolkata. I told her that I would return within few days.

#

On the last night in my room, I was busy in packing my belongings in the suitcase. SubrotoDa entered my room.

After a long, long time he was standing in front of me. He asked me---“How are you Paree?”

I smiled at him---“What do you think? You little sister in no more a child. She is doing fine.”

He gave a painful yet soothing smile at me---“If everything is well then I have nothing to say.”

---“What do you all want from me? I am trying to get away from what happened yet you all remind me repeatedly. Was that my fault?”

Maithili came into the room as she heard me screaming and then she scolded her husband---“Why do you have to talk to her like that?”

He was dumbfounded by his wife’s sudden reaction---“What have I done?”

She hissed at him---“Just leave her alone. You will not understand as what goes inside a girls heart and soul. So just go away from here.”

I was lost again. Maithili came near me and held me in her arms---“Everything will be ok Paree.”

I nodded my head “Only I knew what was happening to me.”

#

[usaiha2]

I returned to Dhanbad after few days. 


On the second week of June, I missed my periods. I was bit surprised and bit tensed. I knew before hand that I had some problems with my periods. After Himadri returned from office, I told him that I wanted to consult gynecologist. He asked me as what has happened. I explained him that I had missed my periods.

He gave a queer look at me---“Don’t tell me that you are expecting.”

I looked at his face---“May be Himadri.”

He smiled at me---“Really.”

---“Remember the night I was to goto my native place.”

He held me in his arms and hugged me tightly---“Oh! Suchi. I am happy.”

I looked at his face, whether he was feigning his exults. Yes, he feigned that, I could easily read that from the look in his eyes.

I was very much hurt. I closed my eyes and asked him coolly---“You are not happy right?”

He took a deep breath and released me from his embrace---“Suchi, whatever has happened has already happened. So I don’t have any grudge on that.”

I chewed my words and said to him---“I will be consulting a gynecologist tomorrow will you accompany me?”

He looked at me with a sullen face and said---“I would have but I have some wok in office.”

I understood his words very clearly that he wanted to avoid.

I went inside the bathroom and gently rubbed my womb. A new life was peeking inside me. I felt my life was coming to a full circle. My eyes glistened and a halo of pure bliss filled my heart along with a streak of black cloud. My husband will not be with me may be.

#

Next day, I consulted the doctor while I returned from my school. She gave some tests. Preliminary test by her confirmed that a new life was within my womb. I was very happy.

The tests confirmed that. I had blood problems; my RBC count was bit low. I had to take some medicines.

I told Himadri that tests have confirmed that a new life was to come in our family. He took that news half-heartedly. I was unable to apprehend as what made him so dull. Later I understood that it was his dire carnal hunger that he will not be able to satiate, as I would not allow him to touch me during those times.

I called ChotoMa and Babu and informed them that they were going to be grandparents.

ChotoMa sounded very happy. She sobbed---“ShonaMa, my golden child. I want you to come to Kolkata during the last trimester.”

---“I don’t know ChotoMa. I can’t tell anything as of now.”

---“Is Himadri happy?”

I lied to her---“Yes, ChotoMa he is very happy. He is going to be father.”

---“God bless you ShonaMa.”

I informed Kalyani and Maithili also about my expectation.

My in-laws were also very happy to hear that news. After a long time, I observed smile on my mother-in-law’s face.

She said to me on the day I broke the news to her---“My grandson will be just like his grandfather.”

I was in the kitchen while she said those words. I looked at her face and asked---“What if instead of a grandson, a granddaughter plays on your lap?”

My mother-in-law gave me a queer look and said---“It will be a grandson.”

I said to her in a persuading voice---“All is in God’s hand.”

#

Days passed, the distance widened between Himadri and me. He was not able to satiate his carnal hunger. He drowned himself in his alcohol. 

A pain flowed, every moment inside me. I cried every night “What was my fault?”

My birthday was nearing. Himadri asked me as what I wanted as a present.

I answered him---“All I want that you stay by my side. What more I can ask.”

---“I am always by your side Suchi. Why are you saying such words?”

I came near him and touched his hand---“Tell me the truth. What is my fault? Why I feel that you are not by my side, Himu?”

He took my face and kissed my forehead. His warm wet lips felt very good on my cream cold skin.

A solitary droplet trickled down my cheek as he kissed---“I want you to come with me to the gynecologist once.”

---“Ok I promise to accompany you. However, tell me what do you want in your birthday? This is the first time I will be celebrating your birthday.”

Himadri presented me a gold necklace on my birthday.

#


My gynecologist asked me to take few precautions. I asked her the reason. The USG reports suggested that I had some problems in the uterus. Although it was normal and to be kept under observation as well. I informed ChotoMa about the problem. She was tensed and asked Himadri to take me back to Kolkata.

I said to ChotoMa that I could take care of myself. However, she insisted that she would like to have me at her place on the last trimester during my childbirth.

______________________________

[usaiha2]

Chapter 5: Destructive Catastrophe


---------------------------------------


I applied for my maternity leave in my school. On first week of November, ChotoMa called Himadri and asked his permission to bring me to Kolkata. I was in my third trimester and I was due on first week of February. ChotoMa wanted to take care of me until my baby would be born.

#

Himadri came with me to Kolkata. Before leaving, he kissed my cheeks and said---“Take care. I will call you every day.”

I was bit offended, I thought he would go down on his knees and kiss my protruding womb and would talk to the unborn baby. However, he did not do anything of that sort.

#

I stood at the balcony and watched him as he boarded the taxi and went away.

ChotoMa understood my sorrow and caressed my cheeks---“Paree, it is nature of all males. They do not understand the pains, that a mother has to bear. Only when the child is born, they take the credit. Come on cheer up, your ChotoMa is here to take care of you.”

I smiled at ChotoMa and hugged her.

She took me inside her room that night and gave me a beautiful mauve coloured chiffon saree.

ChotoMa said to me---“This is for your birthday. I missed my child’s birthday this year.”

She kissed my forehead.

#

ChotoMa and Babu were very much concerned as I had some minor complications with my uterus. My blood pressure was little high but my gynecologist explained it to ChotoMa that it was normal. She prescribed me to take walk after dinner. Sometimes I experienced a sharp pain emancipating from the back of my spine, spiraling upwards surrounding my hips. At first, ChotoMa said that it was normal birth pains. I could feel my sapling’s kick on the walls of my womb. The throbbing sensation was awesome. It felt like a heaven to me. The feeling of those small kicks drowned those sharp, vein writhing pains.

I was very happy, the way ChotoMa treated me. 

Every evening, Babu used to bring chocolates and vanilla ice cream for me. He used to chop apples and other fruits like oranges for me.

Every morning, it was a usual routine for Babu to take me for a short morning walk in the garden.

---“ShonaMa, don’t stoop. ShonaMa don’t bend.”

Sometimes I felt so annoyed that I had to scold him playfully---“Nothing is going to happen to your grandchild, Babu. I am ok.”

#

Himadri called few times, after he left. All those conversation were very formal ones. He used to ask whether I had taken my medicines or not or normal queries about ChotoMa and Babu. “What was taking him away from me?” I was unable to understand then. Was it his work pressure or his excessive booze or his carnal hunger?

#

I observed that the second floor room was open. One day I entered that room and found that the bed was not there, neither there was the table and chair. I could not even find the old small wooden box that contained his glass marbles. I was not missing him then because it was he who had not contacted me. I smiled at myself “My fate that you are not here and you didn’t even contacted me. I had to surrender Abhimanyu. I am sorry.”

At times, I looked at the huge painting of “Death of Socrates” that graced the wall of the drawing room. He was really a beautiful painter.

#

It was last week of November. The winter was knocking softly on the door of Kolkata, whispering in its ears that it has arrived. Peoples were in their sweaters and cardigans. I was sitting in the drawing room and reading a novel. Babu was not present; he was out for some work. ChotoMa was at school as usual. Before he left, he kept all my foods on the dining table and my medicines on the centre table. He cautioned me not to go downstairs to open the door.

My attention broke as I heard the doorbell.

I went to the balcony to find out as that could have ranged the bell. I saw a postman.

He shouted from downstairs---“Madam, airmail.”

“Airmail?” I thought. “Who could have send an airmail and to whom?”

Somehow, I went downstairs to collect the letter.

I took the white envelop and came to the drawing room.

The moment I saw the address and the handwriting, I felt a thunder to strike upon me. Every single nerve and veins shook. I could not believe my eyes. My hands trembled, my chest shook violently. To support myself, I held the railing of the staircase.

It was Abhimanyu’s handwriting on the envelop, postage stamp was of Brazil. His style of writing “S” was very artistic whenever he wrote my name. Very slowly, I came to my room. I was shaking like a twig caught in a breeze.

My heart and soul was racing very fast. “What could be written in that letter? Was he asking my forgiveness? Does that contain letters that he has married to someone else?”

I opened the envelop, it was blank. An electric pulse ran in my brain. 

I lit a candle and placed the letter in front of the flame. It was written in lemon juice, invisible to all.

***********************

[usaiha2]

“My eve.

The fairy of my dreams,

This is the thirty-second letter I am writing to you.

By now, you must be teaching in some school or college.

I know by my heart that you are still the same.

I miss you very much every day, every hour, every second. One thousand one hundred days have passed. However, when I write these letters to you, I know that your silence is my strength that kept me alive for so long. Your small silk handkerchief still smells your jasmine fragrance. Your Jasmine fragrance blew the fire in my life and kept me alive.

I am currently in Brazil. I have been promoted to a senior technician. I am returning to India in last week of December.

I will kneel before Maithili and beg her to forgive me.

I will talk to Grand Aunt and will persuade her. I will ask her for her doll, for my fairy. I am sure; she will sympathize us more than my mother. I have prepared myself to crush her ego and her arrogance. This time, I am not going to ask her for your hand. This time, I will earn you with every drop of blood in my veins.

I will call Kalyani once I reach India.

My sweet kisses, on your beautiful forehead, where I first kissed.

Keep a smiling eye on the door. Your thief can knock in anytime.”

***********************

A huge turbulent swell suddenly culminated inside my chest. I took a deep breath and bit my lower lips to control that wave from crashing on the shore of my heart and mind. Nevertheless, that wave was far stronger than my strength. I pressed the paper on my chest and threw my head back.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaws and cried out “NO…. this cannot be possible”.

I could not believe what I saw in front of my sniveled eyes. He was standing there in front of me. I shook my head violently “GO AWAY, GO AWAY.”

It was not tear drops, it was blood, which was gushing out through my eyes and ears and nose. My head was on the verge of explosion. I felt the veins of my head and neck could rupture anytime.

I clenched my fist and banged my forehead. “What have I done? Why I lost the faith in you?”

I kept on reading those invisible words repeatedly. Even if I was Mrs. Suchismita Karmakar, I kissed and smelled the envelope. I tried hard to press the piece of paper with my chest so that it could dissolve with the drops of blood in my veins. I tried to feel his warm touch through that piece of paper on my bosom.

I crept on the bed and cried out loudly thumping my head on the pillow. There was no one to hear and understand my pain. I could not close my eyes. Whenever I closed my eyes, I felt that he was there in front of smiling.

I got hurled into a deep dark oblivion of pain and vacuous. I crept in my shell of destitute and sorrow. Every pores of my skin was cursing ChotoMa and me. I was unable to sleep, I was unable to take my food, and I was unable to find myself in a normal condition. I was so much depressed that my health started to deteriorate. I could not come into terms with the naked truth that those persons, whom we adored most in this whole world, betrayed us both. For Abhimanyu they were his parents and for me ChotoMa.

The pains were evident and it showed all over my face. ChotoMa kept on asking me as what had happened. I could not mutter any word. I felt like stabbing my heart whenever she talked to me. I kept myself aloof from the whole world, in my room for two long days. ChotoMa and Babu were very much agitated with my behavior. They were at their wits end. They were unable to understand as what could have happened to me. They kept me asking whether I had a fight with Himadri or not. With every question, I only shook my head like a vengeful idol. They even could not fathom my rage and pain from my bloodied eyes. My ears burnt every moment; I looked at the bed, the bookshelf, the table. All were his; he was shifted to the second floor so that I could come in his life.


All I could think was that “Abhimanyu never left my side. He was always there with me. Only our fate, which was all due to ChotoMa, not even it was God’s wish to separate us.”

#