Non-erotic Dawn at Midnight By Pinuram - {Completed}

[usaiha2]

After few days, I gave a letter to Debobroto addressed to Suprotim Da. In that letter I wrote to Suprotim Da, asking about my heartbeat’s whereabouts and to keep faith in me.


I was happy for another reason also; ChotoMa promised me that she would present me a cell-phone. But no one talked about the cell-phone in the house. The dinner table conversation and all others 

were very normal. No one talked about buying me a cell-phone. I was skeptical about the cell-phone after few days.

 ##

The Christmas arrived. On the morning of Christmas as I woke up I found that ChotoMa and Babu, as usual they were early birds, so they were sipping tea in the drawing room.

When I came out of the bathroom after getting fresh, I found a gift pack on my bed.

I was very happy as I opened the pack and found a Nokia handset model 3330. I sensed my freedom through that phone.

I ran to drawing room and thanked ChotoMa and Babu.

She smiled at me and said---“Happy now?”

My face was beaming with a smile of thousand volts---“Very happy.”

“But there is a caution….” She said to me. And I was expecting that.

She said to me---“Promise me, that you will not do anything that will stoop down our faces in front of the society.”

All the glimmers were just gone by that single sentence. I walked silently to my room without answering her.

She came behind me---“What? I have not got your answer yet.”

I clutched the phone in one hand and with another I hold the chair. My back was turned towards her so she was unaware of my facial expression. I controlled myself and nodded my head. I also knew 

by heart that I was lying to them as they lied to him.

She was happy as she observed me nodding my head but same time was skeptical about my future reactions.

Anyway, after she left my room, I thought of him and a way to call him.

I thought hard as whom to make the first call. If I knew his number then surely it would be him, but alas I didn’t have his contact number and neither had I known his whereabouts.

After dinner I retired to my room and then I thought to make my first call. I was alone in my room and the door was locked from inside.

I called Suprotim Da’s house. It was about eleven o’clock in the night. The phone bell rang for few minutes. I thought “Probably they have slept”. I was about to disconnect the phone when someone 

answered. It was lady’s voice and I recognized that would be Suprotim Da’s mother.

---“Hello, who is this?”

---“Suchismita, I am a friend of Suprotim Da’s friend from Kolkata.”

She recognized my voice---“Oh! Yes, yes I remember. You came to my house. How are you?”

My heart danced. I was able to see the dawn on the horizon. The red sun was rising from east.

---“Can I talk to Suprotim Da?”

She paused for few Moments---“Suprotim is not in Delhi. After their marriage they have shifted to Bangalore.”

I let out a deep exhale, but I didn’t lose my hope. I thought “Should I ask her about him or not?”

---“Can I get his mobile number?”

She gave me his mobile number.

I asked her at last---“Do you have any news of Abhimanyu?” After a long time, probably after one hundred and fifty days I pronounced his full name from my lips. My heart was thumping very fast to 

hear his news.

---“Hmmmm…. He came two weeks ago. He was ok.”

I saw the sun rising from the horizon---“Can I get his contact number?”

She paused for a Moment and said---“Am actually not sure whether he is still in New Delhi or not.”

I couldn’t believe my ears, it was so near to reach the finish line and I was about to finish my race when someone forcefully pulled the ribbon away.

I gathered all my courage and asked---“Can you tell me where he has gone?”

She said---“No, but Suprotim might know. You can call him.”

I disconnected the call---“Ok auntie, bye. Merry Christmas.”

I clenched my jaws as I dialed Suprotim Da’s mobile number. A single sentence from Babu devastated our life again.

Suprotim Da picked up the phone---“Who is calling?”

I answered---“I am Paree.”

He was surprised to hear my voice---“After so long time?”

“Yes.” my chest was preparing herself for an unknown anxiety.

What he told to me next, shattered all my dreams and all those glimmers of hope faded away.

---“Abhi called me last week. He told to me that you were getting married and your marriage has been fixed.”

My lungs busted inside my ribcage---“No, it is not true.” I was unable to scream out as it would wake ChotoMa and Babu.

---“He was devastated by that news. He called you only to tell that he is working hard and he would return to take you back. You know that money counts in the society. If you are rich and a prestigious 

person, then the surroundings around us overlook all those age difference and problems. People like to hear tinkers of money, so he drowned himself in work, work and your thoughts. But then …”

---“Then, what? Where is he now? I want his number I want to talk to him.”

---“He told me that he was going to Israel for IT training and he also told me that since you were getting married so he would never return to Kolkata in future. He left New Delhi just four days ago. If 

you could have called then… What are you going to do?”

I closed my eyes as I heard that last sentence.

---“You both have lost the battle.”

I wanted to scream out in top of my voice “I can’t lose the battle. I was forced to lose the battle but my Abhi can’t lose any battle.” But he was gone.

I disconnected the phone and lay on my back for a long time. Clutched the pillow on my chest and bit that soft cotton between my teeth to douse the sound of my pain and tears.

I got up from my bed and walked to the bookshelf to pull out the diary. Read all those pages with my hazy eyes. The lines that he wrote in those white pages seemed to be all fake. I felt to tear all 

those pages and burn the diary called as “Optics Notebook”. That notebook kept me alive in those past months, but what then after he was gone away forever. But something inside me resisted me 

not to destroy the diary.

First it was the values of the society, yet there was some hope. Then a single lie and he was gone forever. All my hopes, the light at the end of the tunnel everything faded. All the dreams shattered in 

front of eyes. If he could have faith in me then he would surely understand me that it was not me who was talking. How could I clarify myself was then a big question.

[usaiha2]

I asked Debobroto to return me the letter and asked him not to contact that phone number in future.

 ##

Few days later, I went to my native place during the New Year and I handed the “Optics Notebook” to Kalyani. She asked me as what was that. I told her that it bears some reminiscences of past

memoirs. She opened the diary.

She was surprised to see that---“This is Abhimanyu’s. Why are you giving this to me?”

My voice choked as I told her as what had happened. I was unable to control myself while I narrated the whole incident to her.

---“Why don’t you keep this with you?”

---“Is there any reason left to keep that diary with me? He has left me.”

She paused for a Moment and then looked at the “Optics Notebook” and asked me---“Why don’t you burn this or destroy this, when you don’t want to keep this with yourself?”

I took a deep breath and said her---“This diary dates back from 1992. This contains not only the pages of our love, but it contains his childhood, his pains, reminiscences of his friendship and many

more. I can’t destroy his childhood or his friendship.”

She asked me---“What are you going to do now?”

I shook my head---“I don’t know. But I know that I have to live and whatever comes I will face.”

---“Means?”

I wiped my eyes, took a deep breath and said---“Probably my Mom would also not approve our relation. He is a distant relative and he is younger than me. Who is important? My love or my Mother

and ChotoMa? I am a girl; we have to sacrifice a lot of things in life before taking any step in life. If he would not have gone then I would have waited for him throughout my life. Why should I now?”

She shook her head in dismay. Her voice was also choked---“Both of you knew as what was going to happen and you had to face that together. May be he has left for struggle. May be he will come for

you, again. Why are you losing your hope?”

---“I am too tired Kalyani. He could have left any message to Suprotim Da asking me to keep faith, which he didn’t. He just left with broken heart.”

---“What else he can do if your Babu tell him that you were getting married?”

I understood the reason then, the fate was not with us.

Who actually lost? We all lost. ChotoMa sacrificed, Abhimanyu squandered off and I suffered.

The lovely fairy of that mischievous thief squandered off that day forever.

______________________________

[usaiha2]

Chapter 6: Reeling stone


----------------------------

Does the life end if a person goes away? Pubali passed away, but her parents lived. Arundhuti lived. I also made up my mind and consoled my soul “It is fate that has to be blamed. Fate brought us together only to bring pain in our life. We have to overcome that pain and life doesn’t end there.”

Days passed. I tried hard to rebuild my soul. But my heart and soul always reminded me the pain of separation.

I lost weight and that was noticed by ChotoMa and Babu.

One Sunday morning Babu asked me---“What happened to you? You are not having your food properly and you are losing weight? This is not a good sign Paree.”

ChotoMa also voiced the same and I was taken to a doctor. But medicines didn’t helped that much.

After the winter break the classes started as usual. I drowned myself in studies and books.

ChotoMa noticed that I was very quiet; I lost all the old composure that I used to have. My free spirit, frolic nature was gone.

She asked me one day---“You have to be strong and forget the past. A whole new life is waiting ahead of you.”

I looked at her face and said---“You want me to forget as what has happened? Tell me how.”

She held my hands in hers and said---“I am a mother. I have sacrificed so why can’t you?”

I gave a painful smile---“I have drowned myself in books and studies. I will try to rebuild my old composure. But you have lost your son what about that?”

She let out a deep breath from her chest---“Probably he will understand someday.”

Slowly I freed my hand from her clutch---“Can I be alone for some time? Please.”

I closed the door after she left my room. ChotoMa’s soul was also bearing the pain but she was adamant about her prestige that we can’t be together. Did she know that her son has gone out of India? I didn’t know then.

My guardians sensed that I had totally doused myself in my studies and books. They felt some freedom should be given to me.


 #


Winter was passing away. One year has passed after that beautiful trip to Chitkul.

It was third week of February. One day after the college, we all friends were walking towards the Medical College.

Debobroto asked me---“You took away the letter, why?”

I smiled at him---“Suprotim Da, to whom the letter was addressed, was not in Delhi. He has shifted to Bangalore.”

---“Can I ask as what was so important in that letter? You seemed to be very desperate then.”

I hide my pains behind a smile---“No you can’t. That’s all a ladies talk between two friends.”

---“So have you contacted him after that to talk to your friend?”

---“Yes I have contacted. Now there is no need.”

What he understood I didn’t know. But Teesta and Delisha looked at us while we were talking.

Teesta teased me---“Am I sensing some smoke between you two?”

Debobroto patted on the back of her head and said---“Don’t think everyone like you at least.”

Delisha nodded her head---“Hmmmm…… too much possessive about her.”

---“Hey, I am not Tirthankar and she is not Teesta. So you two better keep your mouth shut.”

I sensed that I was the centre of their discussion which could turn ugly.

So I said to at all of them---“We are friends, so let it be as a friendship. No more words. I am fine with what I have.”

He said to all of the people---“Want to enjoy a movie.”

Rajat, Pushpanjali, Sankho and every one nodded their head in accordance.

I kept quiet as I was not in mood that day to watch any movie.

Debobroto looked at me and asked---“What about you?”

I shook my head---“Not today. May be some other day.”

“Sunday?” he asked me. At that time I was skeptical about ChotoMa’s permission.

I said to him---“I would try.”

---“Good then. Sunday at Globe.”

Rajat and Pushpanjali said in chorus voice---“So for one person we are going to postpone our movie?”

Teesta came to my rescue---“No, no. I was also thinking of Sunday. Tirthankar would also come then.”

Delisha also voiced---“Then Danish can also be with us. It will be very good gathering.”

We all settled for the movie on Sunday.

   ##

On Saturday evening I asked ChotoMa for permitting me to enjoy a movie with my friends. She gave the permission to enjoy with my friends but cautioned me to return before night fall. That was the first outing with my friends after I was chained in an ivory cage.


I sensed the air of freedom. But that breeze of freedom was a stench one.

I wore a pink and red salwar and dressed myself very simple. Not much of make ups or anything. Only the lock danced on my right cheek.

  ##

[usaiha2]

On Sunday morning, Teesta called---“We are coming to pick you up. Actually Tirthankar has got his car with him.”


Tirthankar, I noticed his eyes hovered over my torso as we met for the first time. Then I felt awkward. I thought to decline her help and then I thought “Let me face and see what he can do?”

I waited at the bus-stand for them to pick me up. He came in a blue Maruti Alto with Teesta in tow.

Teesta greeted me with open arms---“You are looking beautiful even in this simple salwar.”

She wore a white silhouette hugging navy blue top and a faded pairs of jeans. I looked at Tirthankar; he waved his hand and asked me to sit on the back seat.

Teesta also sat with me in the back seat and slapped Tirthankar’s head---“Now drive and don’t look back you naughty fellah.”

He smiled at us and started to drive---“It is hard to drive if such two beauties are seated on the backseat.”

I knew that that was for me, but I didn’t spoke a word.

All the way to the Esplanade, Teesta babbled various nonsense’s most of which I didn’t pay any attention.

She asked me---“Why have you become so quiet?”

I shook my head---“Nothing, that’s my nature.”

---“But you were a different type when we first met. You were more jovial and puerile. Something has happened in between.”

I waved my hand and smiled at her---“Nothing, dear. Change is evitable in every person as the person matures. Quantum Mechanics!”

We both laughed as she heard me talking about physics.

As we reached the Globe Theatre, we found Delisha and Danish. It was first time I was meeting Danish. He was tall, probably six feet, fair and handsome guy. He looked dashing in his faded blue jeans and blue and pink check shirt. I looked at Delisha, who gave a bear hug to me and complimented.

“You are not going to change. You will always dress simple but elegant” Delisha said to me.

I looked at Danish and joined my palms to express courtesy. He looked at me and the look was very different from all males. Those eyes contained glimmer of affection, stripes of pain.

He looked at me and smiled---“No need to do that Apa."

I couldn’t understand as what he addressed to me and I asked Delisha as what he has told.

Danish came near me and said---“My elder sister is in Dubai. I have not met her for a long time. You reminded me of her so I was looking at you like that.”

His words made my sight little hazy, which he and Delisha noticed.

Delisha rubbed me shoulders---“Come on enjoy the movie.”

I smiled at Delisha and said---“Danish is very handsome and good person. Heaven has made you two with ultimate perfection.”

---“Come on. You are too much emotional.”

That amorous beautiful pair, reminded me of him, for one second. I shook my head involuntarily, when I thought of the “Schindler’s list” movie incident.

Pushpanjali and Sankho reached together, but our leader Debobroto was nowhere in the scene.

I looked at the poster it was screening “Cliffhanger” of Sylvester Stallone.

Teesta looked at Sankho and teased him---“Is Pushpanjali is with you?”

He was a quiet timid guy so he smiled and blushed---“Actually she lives near my house so we came together.”

I asked Pushpanjali as where was Rajat. She shook her head---“How can I know?”

Delisha whispered in my ears---“Don’t tell; they had a huge fight yesterday.”

I looked at her---“What, were they seeing each other?” I didn’t know that an undercurrent of love was flowing between Rajat and Pushpanjali.

After sometime, Debobroto came along with Rajat in tow. They were smoking cigarette.

As soon as he saw Danish and Tirthankar, he screamed---“Hey, today brother-in-laws are going to give us the treat. Come on.”

We all laughed. Danish bought the tickets.

We took our seats. Teesta was on my right and Pushpanjali was on my left. On Pushpanjali’s left it was Debobroto instead of Rajat. On Teesta’s right, Tirthankar was seated. The movie started.

As the scenes progressed I felt someone touching my back, the exposed upper back, beneath my bun. I looked back in anger and I was totally taken aback to find Tirthankar was grazing his fingers on my exposed skin.

My ears burnt and I clenched my jaws. I felt being molested with that touch. That shameless devious person was caressing my exposed back while his girlfriend was sitting next to him with her arms on his chest. I leaned forward.

Pushpanjali noticed that and asked me as what has happened. I shook my head to say her that nothing has happened.

After sometime I looked back. His hand was not there, so I leaned back on the seat again. As soon as I leaned back, I felt those lewd fingers on my bun again. I was furious by his gestures. I leaned forward again and that time Debobroto noticed me.

He looked back on the seat and he clenched his jaws. He outstretched his arms behind Pushpanjali’s back and rested on my seat.

I sensed that some fight would start now, as I knew Debobroto was hot headed. Same time I was smiling inside.

As I expected so it happened. Tirthankar’s finger touched Debobroto’s palm and he clutched his hand.

In the midst of the hall, Debobroto growled at Tirthankar---“Come out, we need to talk.”

Teesta was unaware of all the activities so she gave a bewildered look at Debobroto and Tirthankar and me.

---“What happened?”

Tirthankar palm was still in Debobroto’s clutch. He said---“Nothing just nothing. I was caressing Teesta’s back and may be it touched hers.”

I knew that he was telling lie, his touches were deliberate.

I stood up from my seat and said---“I am not going to watch, I am going.”

Debobroto growled at Tirthankar---“You swine, son-of-bitch walk outside with me.”

Danish was sitting next to Tirthankar. He and Delisha looked at me and asked as what has happened.

I said that I was not feeling well so I was going out.

Debobroto was furious then as he saw me standing. He pulled up Tirthankar from his seat by force.

---“You swine, are you coming out or I will kill you here.”

Teesta was unable to understand as what all was happening.

I told her---“I am not feeling well. I am going home.”

I walked out alone. Debobroto and Rajat also came out after me. They asked me as what actually has happened.

I told them---“I am not feeling well” my ears were burning in shame as if some has bangd in broad daylight. I wiped the corner of my eyes; those tears were not hidden from Debobroto.

After few minutes, Delisha and Danish also came out. Danish asked me also the same question. When Debobroto told him Tirthankar’s activities, he was furious. 

After few more minutes, Teesta walked out with Pushpanjali. My face burnt in anger the moment I saw Teesta.

Debobroto shouted at her---“Keep your swine under chain. You bitch. If he ever comes in front of me again, I promise that I will kill him.”

Teesta gave a fiery look at Debobroto and said to him---“Mind your language.”

I said to Teesta---“Think of a situation, if same incident happened to you what you would have done?”

Teesta said---“It was not a deliberate action. It was by fluke.”

I wiped my lips with the back of my hand as it had already gone dry with anger---“You better know what you are hiding.”

Teesta took my hand in hers and apologized---“If something of that sort has happened, then I will deal with him. I am sorry for what has happened. I apologize to you. Now please come in.”

I was in no mood after that incident to go inside so I said---“No. I want to go back home.” I paused for few seconds and then continued---“Once my ChotoMa cautioned me that friends are hard to find in this world and I should judge before getting close.”

We both understood that a crack has developed in our friendship. We both gave a painful glance at each other.

Delisha hugged me and consoled me---“Let her go.”

She looked at Teesta and said---“Someday you will understand that how your careless nature, destroyed your surroundings.”

On hearing those words from Delisha’s lips, tears rolled down Teesta’s cheeks.

Danish came to me and said---“Come on Apa. Leave her. Let us goto my house, Ammii will be very happy to see you. My eldest sister has not come home in last three years.”

Delisha also pleaded me to visit her future in-laws house.

I smiled at them and said---“Ok. But I need to inform Babu.”

I called Babu and informed that I would return late as I was going out with my friends. He didn’t object but cautioned me as every dotting father does for his child. Sometimes I find hard to understand ChotoMa and Babu.

We walked out of the hall, Teesta stood there alone in the portico of the theatre alone and lost.

Debobroto asked Danish that where his residence was?

Delisha asked him---“Are you going with us?” She joked at him---“You are not invited.”

“Come on” he laughed at Danish “No brother. I am also not feeling well actually.”

He shook hand with Danish and left us.


##

[usaiha2]

Danish’s residence was at Khiddirpore. We all boarded a taxi.


On the way, I asked Danish---“Who is going to drop me back home?”

Danish was sitting on the front row. He looked back over his shoulder and said to me---“I will take my brother’s car and we both will drop you at your place.”

It was already evening. His residence was in a lane. The entrance was a small one, but after I entered, I found the rooms and house beautifully decorated.

A woman in her early fifties greeted us and hugged Delisha. His mother was overjoyed to see her future daughter-in-law. She looked at me and paused for few seconds.

She asked Danish---“Who is this?”

Delisha answered---“This is my friend Suchismita. We both are in same stream.”

I bent to touch her feet. She rubbed her soothing palms on my head and said---“You remind me of Saima, Danish’s eldest sister.”

She let out a deep exhale from her chest and said---“I have not seen my daughter for a long time. We only talk on phone. I just console my heart with the voice of my child.”

She gave me some dish made up of pulses and meat, to eat. It was the first time I tasted any dish like that. Delisha explained that the dish was called as “Halim”. It tasted good.

I stayed there for few hours and her mother asked about me and all.

Babu called after sometime so as to keep a tab about my whereabouts. I sensed that I was getting late for home and I should go so I asked Danish to drop me.

Before returning, his mother presented me silver coin with some calligraphic inscription on it.

On the return way back, Delisha explained me that the inscription was a name of their Messenger.

That day, I was very much perturbed due to all the incidents that happened with me.

My disturbance was clearly depicted on my face.


##

During the dining hour, ChotoMa asked me as what happened. I kept quiet. She asked me again, I told her that I would divulge all those details to her alone.


So after diner she came to my room and asked me---“What happened to you? Who has done what with you?”

“How could she know that someone has done something with me?” was my first reaction when I heard her question. Then I thought that she was my ChotoMa and a mother’s heart easily fathoms whatever turbulence runs in her child’s mind.

I told her everything and sobbed out. She asked me to be careful while dwelling with persons.

She cautioned me again---“That’s why I caution you time and again, that you should know the nature of the people before you make friendship”

“I am sorry ChotoMa,” I sobbed profusely.

---“You need not feel sorry, but from next time try to avoid persons trying to get closer to you.”

##

[usaiha2]

Days passed. The ripples around me were unable to touch me or move me in any sense. The distance between Teesta and me, widened further. I could feel that, most of the people were also avoiding her mainly Delisha and Pushpanjali.


The Holi festival came. A year before that day, I was very much happy. A year before that day, I was in my native place. I enjoyed Holi with my friends. I anxiously waited for the next Holi to spend with him. A Holi I wanted to remember for lifetime, which never occurred in my life.

Just like any normal day, that day I bathed in the morning and offered Puja in the puja room.

ChotoMa and Babu asked me whether any of my friends would be visiting me or not. I said them that no one would visit me.

I offered them my regards by applying the coloured powder on their feet and they blessed me. All the colours from my life were gone. Both of my guardians understood the pain in my heart but kept quiet. ChotoMa applied the coloured powder on my forehead and blessed me.

For the whole day, I kept myself busy in reading books and doing house chores. I used to do all the house chores whenever I was at home. I used to keep myself engaged to the brim so as keep away the thoughts away from my head.

#

Next day when I went to college, I found colours on every ones face and hand. Everyone asked me as what kept me away from the festival of colours. How could I tell them that all the colours from my life were gone?

After the college was over I was about to walk out of the class.

Debobroto came to me and asked---“From the very first day I noticed that you are not like any other girls. Several times I thought to ask you as what has happened but very aptly you dodged my queries.”

I nodded my head and smiled at him---“Nothing happened. I have got allergy to the colours. Rashes develop on my skin so I don’t play Holi.”

---“I am not asking about Holi. But after that day, you took away the letter you went in confinement.”

“I am trying to take myself out from that confinement Debobroto.” I said to him. “My beloved sister-in-law passed away and that shook me from my core.”

He smiled mischievously at me; his right hand was behind---“May I help you to pull out of your confinement?”

Then all of a sudden, he poured a handful of coloured powder on my face.

I was angry; I was hurt, I was furious. Just a year back, I dreamt of that moment to spend with him.

I held his hand and pushed that aside and yelled at him---“WHAT are you doing? Leave me.”

He rubbed his fingers on my cheeks. My cream cheeks were smeared with red coloured powder.

“Come on Mita. It is just a festival of colours. Everyone drown themselves in the colour of their life.” He joked at me and tried to pursue me.

“Please don’t do this type of tricks with me.” There was quiver in my voice when I said those words to him. He did not understand the underlying pain of my heart.

He looked in my eyes, contracted his brows---“There is something inside which I am missing. One day I will definitely try to get that Suchismita out of Mita.”

I shook my head and told to myself “No one can bring out the real Suchismita from Mita, except him. Only he can unveil his Paree. Else ……”

I asked him---“Can I ask you one question?”

He smiled at me and said---“I am ready to give any answer Mita. Just ask.”

---“Why haven’t you courted Teesta, when you were in college.”

He was surprised by my question. He was not expecting that from me.

He gave a queer look at me and asked---“I didn’t expect this question from you. I thought of something else.”

I shook my head and told to myself “I know what you were anticipating.”

Still I asked him again---“Why haven’t you courted Teesta, when you liked her very much?”

He shook his head and faced away---“No that is past. She did not understand my underlying love. She always thought that those were mere friendly gestures.”

“So you have a soft corner still in your heart for her?” Suddenly I threw that question to him.

He shook his head again---“Come on! That is past. It will not come back to me again. I want to see my future in front of my open eyes.”

He looked into my deep dark eyes and expressed his apologies for hurting me. He asked me to wash my face. Before leaving for home, I washed my face in the restroom.

No colours other than his; should be on my face or in me.

##

[usaiha2]

The summers were approaching. Every day I walked down a lonely barren road; bereft of any shades. I remembered the first day, I stepped into his domain. I came to his house, to live with ChotoMa. On that day, I thought that I entered the house forever. On that day, I was not aware of the fact that after few months we would get separated.


I was prepared to leave my college after the classes were over. I thought to take a walk alone through the lanes between the bookshops.

While I walked through those lanes and by lanes between those bookshops of College Street, I remembered that he told me that there were “Eight thousand six hundred and twenty two book shops here.” I smiled on remembering those words.

I was very much engrossed in my thoughts as I walked.

I was about to cross the street when I was pulled out of the street by someone.

Debobroto yelled at me---“What are you doing? You would have been killed.”

I regained my senses. A speeding bus just crossed few centimeters away from me. I gave a horrific look at him. My heart thumped loud. I tried to catch my breath by clasping my chest.

“Do you have any sense when you cross the road? Do you want to die?” he kept shouting at me.

I looked at him with my big eyes.

After I regained my composure I told him---“God is not to so merciful to take me away.”

He held my upper arm in his grip and pulled me on the footpath.

---“I want to talk to you in length and breadth.”

I contracted my brows and asked---“What do you want to know? I have nothing to tell you. Why can’t you leave me alone? Please.”

He loosened his grip and nodded his head---“Ok. So I am not your friend. Right?”

The bunch of lock came over my face. I moved that bunch away, tucked that tuft behind my right ear, and said---“You are definitely my friend. But Debobroto, I have nothing to say to you.”

He gave a painful look at me. I was unable to look at his face so I looked down to hide my pains which were about to drip from the corner of my eyes. There was huge vacuum inside my chest. I tried to fill that vacuum with a deep breath.

I could sense that Debobroto was trying to delve in my domain. He wanted to see my smiling face or to come closer to me. But I kept myself well confined in a high wall. I did not let any fresh air to dwell in my heart.

[usaiha2]

Just before the summer break in May, one night I gathered all my courage to call Suprotim Da to know about him. If he would have called him then they would have discussed about me.


I dialed the number and Ritika picked up.

First reaction of Ritika---“How are you doing? I heard that you are getting married?”

“No” I almost screamed, “Those were words of Babu only. Not mine.”

I pressed my phone to my ears, clutched the front fabric of my night gown, and asked her.

---“Has he called? Is there any news of him?”

Ritika paused for a second and then answered---“Yes he called few days ago. He was still in Israel.”

My heart experienced an intense thump. He has called so he was surely concerned about me.

My voice got choked as I asked her---“What did he say?”

I closed my eyes, bit my lower lips under my upper jaws, and stopped breathing.

---“He will contact you somehow. He will not be calling to your landline. If he calls next time I will give him your mobile number.”

My eyes got flooded as I heard her say that he has not lost his faith. My voice quivered, I expressed my humble gratitude to her.

She sensed that from my sobbing sounds---“Don’t cry, Paree. He did not believe a single word of your Babu. That was an agonizing reaction when he left India. Every person’s first reaction would be like that, Paree. Try to understand his feelings also. But he called only once after he left India, I don’t know when he will call again.”

I bit my lower lips and lay on the bed on my back. I pressed my phone on my lips and kissed.

---“I am very, very thankful to you.”

I wanted to know as where he was working so I asked---“What is he doing?”

She answered---“He is in IT industry. Currently he is working in a junior engineer post. The way he is devoting all his strength, he will surely climb up the ladder very fast.”

The vacuum went away from my heart. I smiled peacefully just by knowing that he was there standing alone with his open arms to greet me.

I was roaming inside Arcadia walking on a green path, surrounded by lots of flowers. The aroma of rose and dew drops were purifying the breeze around me. I could hear the sweet chirps of nightingales, bulbuls, Loras and waxwings around me. I saw a milky white unicorn trotting slowly towards me from the bend of the path ahead. I was dressed in a free flowing white silk robe with flowers on my head and wrist. My jade black long tress was flowing all along the path behind me. My bangles and necklace all were made up of flowers of white and red in colour. I could feel my huge translucent colourful wings flutter on my back.

I tried to fly, I tried to flutter my wings with all my strength, but there was some invisible force that bonded me with the green grass. I looked at my ankles; a green rope of grass was tied to my ankles. The unicorn was approaching me very slowly. I cried out to the Unicorn “Cut the grass rope. I want to fly with you.”

I woke up, I was sweating profusely. My bosoms were heaving. A huge torrential storm just passed inside my chest. I lost myself in the dream again, “What was that?”

I heard a knock on my door. ChotoMa’s frightened voice could be heard from the other end of the door---“SOHNA MA… what happened?”

I was panting very hard. I tried to catch breath and to answer her utter concerned query.

I opened the door; the soft light of dawn was flooding the drawing room.

I said her---“Nothing ChotoMa, just a bad dream.”

She rubbed my face, wiped my forehead with the loose end of her sari. Affectionate concerns were dripping from her sleepy eyes.

“I told you not to shut the door, Paree.” She sobbed out.

I came back to my bed. I thought of the dream. When I was able to decipher the underlying meaning of that dream, I sat there in sheer horror. I turned to a stone statue. Tears rolled down. I looked out of the window. The soft rays of dawn were dancing near my feet. Stone cold feet of the fairy who tried to fly but could not. I would never be able to know whether that Unicorn was able to free the fairy or not. I would never be able to know whether that fairy flew from Arcadia or remained there as an ivory effigy.

The ten ounce heart rolled; rolled over the plains, rolled over the mountains, rolled over by the bank of the rivers, rolled under those high pine and cedar trees.

Rolled over and over, so as to gather no moss.

______________________________

[usaiha2]

Chapter 7: Story of the thief

-------------------------------

The summer break was around the corner.

One day; during the dinner ChotoMa asked me---“I was thinking of going to some hill-station this summer break. Which place would you prefer, Paree?”

I took a deep breath and looked at ChotoMa. I shook my head---“I don’t want to goto any hill-station.”

“Why?” Babu asked, “You love hills.”

“Yes I do love hills. He made me love hills. If he is not with me, then the flowers also sting as thorn to me.” I did not say those words to him. Instead I answered---“I would like to spend time with my Mom.”

ChotoMa nodded her head and said “Ok, next year we would surely take a trip to some hill-station. Preferably Kausani or Naninital or beyond that.”

I veiled my agony inside my chest and asked---“Do I have to go with you next year?” I joked at them---“Now you two should go alone and enjoy the old times.”

Babu said---“You are the only child I have now. How could we leave you alone here?”

Does his voice choked while saying those words? Probably no.

---“If you don’t want to go then we also won’t go anywhere.”

The dining time became heavy with emotions. I did not want to go to hill-stations without him. ChotoMa and Babu will not leave me alone and enjoy any trip.

To break the running emotions, I said playfully---“ChotoMa. Next year we will go to some hill-station.”

She smiled at me---“That’s my child.”

I asked ChotoMa in childish voice---“ChotoMa I want a walkman.”

Babu told me in his affectionate tone---“Why walkman? It is small, ShonaMa. If you love to hear songs, then on next birthday we will buy you a thousand watt Sony deck.”

I felt like hugging Babu and kiss his bald head.

He sensed what I meant to express and he laughed at ChotoMa---“See, my daughter is smiling again.”

[usaiha2]

I was happy again, but there was an underlying fear that crept parallel to that joy inside my heart. Days passed there were no calls neither there was any letters. However, I did not lose my hope.


I went to my native place during my summer break. That time Babu went with me. He told me that he want to visit my native place after a long time. I was very much uncomfortable to go with Babu as he was a very calm and quiet person, although he loved me very much.

All the way to my native place, Babu was very quiet. I could not fathom what all was going inside his head.

We reached my native place by the evening. My Mom was surprised to find Babu along with me. She was flabbergasted to find him at her doorsteps. The whole house rumbled on his arrival.

Especially Maithili and Meghna Boudi were unable to understand as how to show concern. I was all smiling inside my heart by observing their restlessness.

I told my Mom---“Ma, he is only my Babu. Why are you all feeling so restless?”

My Mom said to me---“He is a respectable person.”

---“I know Ma.”

“He has come to my house after long, long time” Her voice was filled up with gratitude.

Babu looked at my Mom and said---“I have come to discuss few things with you.”

Suddenly a gush of blood raced to my head. I gave a pleading look at Babu “Please don’t devastate my life.” I clutched my Mom’s arms and whispered to her ears---“What are you going to discuss?”

She looked at me and assured me---“Don’t worry. He has come to discuss something for your better only.”

She called Sumanto Da and Shasanko Da.

Both Meghna Boudi and Maithili asked Babu---“This discussion can happen tomorrow also.”

Babu smiled at them---“No. Dear.” He joked---“This is after all my in-laws house. I can’t spend a night here.”

Mom veiled her pains and said to him---“Arjun. Do not say those words at least. We can surely talk about that tomorrow morning.”

He said---“Tomorrow morning I have some work. So I have to return tonight.”

They all went inside a room. I went to my room to keep my luggage. All the time they were discussing, whatever be it, I was having huge turbulence inside my chest---“What if Babu talks about my marriage? What if Babu speaks about him and our affair?”

I silently sat on my bed, looked outside the window. It was dark outside.

Maithili knocked at my door---“May I come in?”

After a long, long time she spoke to me.

I smiled back at her. I asked her---“How are you doing?”

She smiled back---“Am doing fine. How about you?”

I veiled my anxiety as what could be her intentions and told her---“My College is going good. I have lots of friends. My studies are going well.”

She sat beside me and placed her palm on mine---“I am not asking about your college, Paree.”

I looked at her. There was no sight of revenge or anger in her eyes. It was filled up with affectionate love. Her gaze melted my heart.

My chest quivered a bit. Bosoms heaved. I asked her---“What do you want to know?”

She placed her palm on my cheek and I went jelly inside my chest. I pressed her palm on my cheeks to feel her warmth.

“How is he?” she asked.

“He is fine. He is in New Delhi.” when I answered that, I knew by my heart that he was fine.

I was skeptical at that point of time “Should I tell her about the mess that happened? Should I ask her for help? What if she was playing with me? Only he could duel with hers venomous captivity.”

She talked on about her days in my house. We chatted for long time. But I didn’t mention anything of our mess as what had happened. I concealed that.

After sometime, my Mom came to my room and informed me that Babu was leaving.

I came downstairs. He had finished his dinner already.

He told me that my ChotoMa would come to take me back after the summer break. I bent to touch his feet before he left.

I asked him---“What have you told to my Mom and brothers?”

He placed his palm on my head and said---“Whatever it was, it was for your future and it was for your well being. Your Mom will tell you in details.”

After dinner I went to my Mom’s room and asked her---“What has Babu told to you all?”

She was folding her beetle leaf. She looked at me ---“Your Babu loves you very much. Right?”

“Yes” I nodded my head.

---“He came to ask that whether our property has been mutated or not.”

My first reaction was that, “Was he a mean person eyeing my property? After all he was not my father.” I asked her---“What that to do with him?”

---“He wanted to know, if this property is mutated or not and do you have any share, which you have. He wanted to sell that part and deposit the whole amount in a fixed-deposit in your name. So that if you want to pursue further studies or after your marriage, your future could be secured.”

A deep breadth came out of my chest, a huge boulder moved. Sometimes I failed to understand properly my Babu and ChotoMa. Were they over concerned about me or every parents are like that about their daughters?

[usaiha2]

I was about to goto bed, Dushtu entered my room. He gave an annoying look at me.

I walked to him, patted his soft chubby cheeks, and asked him as what happened?

His voice was quiet upset---“Why Abhi uncle didn’t come?”

I ruffled his hair and smiled at him---“Oh! Due to that only you are angry?”

“Yes” he looked at me as if he would burn me then and there. “I will not talk to you.”

I laughed and pulled him on my lap---“Come on. I also know very good stories, all about prince and princess.”

He shook his juvenile head in displease---“I know all the stories of prince and princess. I want to hear new stories.”

I told to myself “From where could I bring your Abhi uncle, dear. I am also searching for him.”


  #

Next day morning, I went to Kalyani’s house. I wanted my “Optics Notebook” badly.

She gave a surprising look at my beaming face---“When did you reached here? You are looking different this time, have got any news of Abhi?”

I felt like dancing with her. My lungs was about to burst to express my feelings that he would try to communicate with me anyhow.

I held her hand in my grip and said to her---“I called Ritika. He called them and said that he didn’t believe a single word what Babu said to him. He will try to contact me.”

I outstretched my arms and twirled. I almost screamed in joy---“I am very happy that he has not lost his faith on me.”

Her eyes dazzled on hearing my words. She looked at me and gently patted my cheeks.

---“You naughty girl! Full of emotions. Your life is just like a roller-coaster.”

She handed me my “Optics Notebook”. I pressed that diary to my chest and tried to drown every word written in that in my blood and flesh.

“What are you going to do with this?” she asked me.

I told her---“Now I will write.”

From that night, I started writing my memoirs in that “Optics Notebook.” He was good in English, I wrote my memoirs in Bengali. At times, I felt hard to understand his words. I had to look into “Webster Dictionary” that Babu bought for me.

I wrote about my days, after he left. I wrote about my college days. My anxieties, my faiths, about my friends and lots more. That night I wrote everything I experienced in last ten months. With every sentence I wrote, I told to myself “I will read this to you when we get old.”

When I finished writing about those past ten months, the dawn was approaching the east horizon. When I fell asleep, I did not know. I slept on the writing table.

I woke up when I heard a knock on my door. I opened my eyes and found me on the writing table with that “Optics Notebook” still opened. I hurriedly kept that along with my other books.

I did not want that to be seen by any persons, who might cause problem in our love.

##

[usaiha2]

After demise of Parvati Boudi, Sumanto Da talked very less with persons. He does not have any children so he tried to shower all his love to the only child in the house, Dushtu. Every evening he used to bring sweets after he returned from fields. He used to take him of his shoulders and take him to the fields.


#

One night he came to my room. I was reading my notes and preparing few papers for my next exam. He knocked on my door. I looked over my shoulder as I was sitting in front of the table with my back towards the door. There was a wooden box in his hand. I remembered that box, that box contained all the gold jewelries of her beloved wife.

I asked him---“What is this?”

“Your sister-in-law asked me to give this to you.” His looked at me and said.

He came near me and placed his palm on my head. He wiped the corner of his eyes and handed me the box.

I asked him---“What are you going to do? You look very sullen and tired.”

He gave a blank look at the ceiling fan which was circling at its full speed over head.

---“I have thought of something. I am waiting for your marriage.”

I bit the pen between my teeth and looked at his eyes. “What was he thinking?” I tried hard to understand those hidden pain and waited anxiously for his answer.

He smiled painfully at me and went away, leaving me in deep thought “What was he going to do?”

##

Days passed, Mom asked me every day about him. One day I asked her as why she was so much concerned about him.

She answered---“Why can’t I be? After all he is my best grandson. By the way, every time I ask you about him, you try to dodge the question. Where is he?”

I looked the other side and said to her---“He has gone to Delhi.” I was bit annoyed as everyone asked me the same question again and again. “How could I know, where he was? Even I was waiting for some news.”

My Mom said to me---“Ok, I have not heard his voice for a long, long time. Why don’t you call him? I want to talk to him.”

I held my breath “What should I tell her now?”

Very slowly, I turned my face; my Mom’s gaze was piercing me. I muttered some courage to answer her---“He is actually out of India.”

She touched my cheeks and asked---“You are telling the truth or hiding something.”

I calmed down myself---“No I am telling the truth. If he calls next time I will let him know your number and ask him to call you.”

Although I was not sure that time that what type of communication would I receive from him.

I thought to know the reaction of my Mom about my love, whether she would approve our relation or not. But I was skeptical about asking the question directly. If he would have been there, he would surely managed the situation and give me some hints as how to approach. Since he was not there so I started to think like him. I had to twist the query to know my mother’s reaction.

I took a deep breath; my chest was pulsating faster than usual. I sat beside my Mom and hugged her.

She asked me---“What happened to my Paree? Do you want to ask me something?”

I shook my head “Yes Mom”.

She looked at my face and said---“Tell me one thing, did your Babu had a fight with Abhimanyu?”

I was taken aback by her query. “Did she sensed something about us or did Babu tell her something?”

Suddenly my heartbeat stopped---“Why are you asking this?”

---“I asked your Babu about Abhimanyu. He did not answer my questions. He only said that Abhimanyu has gone to New Delhi for his job and he is very busy now-a-days.”

I held my breath, my ears turned red. I clasped my night gown in a tight fist to control my angst and anxiety.

I controlled my voice---“No Ma, they didn’t had any fight. He has gone for his job after his graduation.”

She put the beetle in her mouth---“He could have searched for job in Kolkata. Why he had to goto Delhi?”

“You won’t understand Ma.” I embraced her with my arms around her neck “In Kolkata there is no IT, I mean computer organization where he could find any proper job. That’s why he has gone to Delhi.”

She rubbed her palms on my cheek and asked---“You were to ask me something. What was that?”

I forgot what I was to ask, instead I asked her---“Ma, what did he told you on the last day. Last time he came with me.”

Her brows contracted and she looked at me as if asking, “Why do you want to know that?”

She pulled up my chin and her eyes pierced deep into my soul---“Tell me the truth that he has not left for Delhi only for his job.”

The bubble busted inside my chest. I could feel the tremble inside my heart and soul. My ears turned red and the nose tip fluttered. My lips quivered. No child can hide anything from their mother’s sight.

I bit my lower lips as my eyes got flooded. I closed my eyes to hear her reactions. She placed her palm on my head and pressed it to her shoulder. I hugged Mom with all my strength.

She understood everything as my tears soaked her shoulder. She let those tears flow. My back heaved. She pulled me slowly to her front and asked me to sleep with her that night.

I placed my head on her lap and she combed my braids with her old fingers.

---“Something is very hard to accept Paree. I wanted to see you happy. But that would come like this, I never dreamt of.”

She rubbed her soothing palm over my heaving back and continued---“There are many things that our society finds it hard to accept.”

I sobbed out---“What shall I do Ma?”

---“Time will heal. You have to accept what is to come.”

I cried out softly---“Why Ma, why? I accepted whatever came in life without any question. I never blamed you or my sisters, for being indifferent with me.”

She was quiet for a long time. Then she said---“I need some time to think, Paree. I am unable to think anything now.”

I almost screamed at her---“No ma I want to know now. What shall I do?”

She combed my braids and asked me to goto sleep. I could not sleep that night. Then my Mom was also aware of the whole fact. I was living in a shear anxiety as what would happen next. What if Mom doesn’t approve? What if she asks ChotoMa directly as what had happened? Several thousands of queries ran inside my chest.

I also sensed that my Mom was also unable to sleep. She turned and tossed on the bed.

The dawn was round the horizon. She turned towards me---“You haven’t slept for the whole night.”

“No how could I?” I answered in a calm voice.

“I think your ChotoMa and Babu is very much offended about the incident. They are furious as of now.” She sat up on the bed and looked outside.

The twilight of the dawn peeked behind those mango-groves.

She went on---“You finish your M.Sc. now. Let Abhimanyu contact you. Let me give sometime and give sometime to them also. Time heals lots of pains. Gradually you will understand and your ChotoMa will also understand. You need to understand her pains also. She let her only son to wander in this cruel world so that you could pursue your studies. Let the proper time come. ”

I wiped my face and spoke in a calm voice---“ChotoMa and Babu love me very much and that I know by my heart. But she won’t let down her prestige and her ego.”

She let out a deep breath and looked at my face---“Paree, there is no medicine better than time. Time heals every scar; internal or external. You promise me, that till your M.Sc. is finished you are not going to say any word about this. We can’t change our fate, but we can try. After you finish M.Sc. and he comes back to India. Ask him to meet me. Then I will see what I can do.”

I hugged my Mom with all my strength. She was huge pillar of support for me. I cried and cried.

Her eyes were also flooded. She sobbed out---“I should have understand that day only, when he came in my Puja room asked me for my doll.”

She patted my cheeks and kissed my forehead---“Now smile and promise to keep quiet till your studies are finished.”

I was very much happy after that day, my Mom approved our relation. I got the strength to fight. My heart was filled up with utter happiness. Lost colours came back on my face. I felt my creamy cheeks to turn rosy with every passing day. The huge vacuum was gone from my chest.

One evening I was walking near the fields adjacent to my backyard. The mango trees were full of ripe yellow mangoes and few green ones. Jackfruits were dangling from the tree trunk. The pink bulbous litchis were beautifying the trees around me. The mixed aroma of all the fruits were making me intoxicated. The cold breeze was blowing from the pond nearby. I walked slowly towards the mango tree he planted. My hair was blown all over my face as soon as I touched the tree. I felt his touch on my cheek. I looked up the tree; greenish yellow mangoes were all over there behind those leaves. I wrapped my arms around that tree and kissed the trunk.

I whispered to its trunk---“He is coming for you.”

After that response from my Mom, I was in seventh heaven. I suppressed my feelings very hard inside my chest. I did not want to spill those excitements to all over the place. I wanted the time to arrive.

Maithili also felt that my face had regained all those lost smile.

[usaiha2]

One evening I was on the roof, eating a mango. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder and found Maithili stood behind me.

She smiled sweetly at me and asked---“You are looking very happy.”

“Why can’t I be happy?” I contracted my brows “I have come to my house. So I am happy.”

She asked---“Seems that you have got news of Abhimanyu.”

I nodded my head---“Yes.” I lied to her purposefully.

---“I have something to ask you.”

I was anticipating that question from a long time, so I nodded my head “Ask.”

She looked towards her feet---“Your brother was asking about the tape. Is that still with you?”

I laughed inside by observing her coy face---“No, it is not with me. It is with him.”

I touched her shoulder---“Why are you worrying about those.”

She smiled painfully at me---“I fear his arrogant nature.”

---“What do you want me to do?”

Her eyes were still at her feet, she was scratching the roof with her toes---“Ask him what does he wants from us?”

I looked the other way and said her---“He is currently out of India. Whenever he will call me I ask him. By the way, you remember what you were told.”

She nodded her head.

I assured her---“Next time he contacts me, I will give him the telephone number of our house. You can directly talk to him.”

A strong sense of courage was flooding in my chest after my Mom assured me.

#

[usaiha2]

Every night before I went to bed, Dushtu would come and ask me for a story. I used to read him those nonsense poems written by him. He used to laugh. He used to ask me as who has written those poems. I told him that his Abhi uncle wrote those poems and stories when he was young.


#

Days passed. The summer break was coming to an end.

In the mean time, ChotoMa called me and told me that she would come to take me back. Mom was bit sad on hearing that I had to go.

I hugged Mom and said her---“This time why don’t you come to stay with us?”

She gave a painful look---“You have Ulupi, your ChotoMa with you. But my eldest son has none. I have to look after him also.”

On the penultimate night, Dushtu came as usual to listen to stories.

In his usual childish voice, he asked me---“Promise me that next Puja, you will bring Abhi Uncle along with you.”

I smiled sweetly at him and assured him---“Surely I will bring him. But on one condition.”

He gave a queer look at me.

I ruffled his silky hair---“Tell me the story your Abhi Uncle told you.”

He kissed me on my cheek---“O, that story.”

He scratched his scalp and the laughed at me---“I don’t remember that.”

I gave a veiled displeasing look at him---“Then your Abhi uncle will not come.” And I started to tickle him all over.

He laughed and laughed---“Ok, ok. I will tell you that story.”

He took my left arm in his clutch, while I combed his silky hair.

He started to tell that story, once he told to Dushtu.

---“Long time ago, there was a fairy godmother who lived in a hut surrounded by huge trees on one side and green fields on the other side. There was a small pond on the backside of her hut. Her days passed by nurturing the flowers and plants that beautified her small garden in front of her hut. Then one day that fairy godmother saw a small lotus bud in a pond. The bud was not growing at all even after several days. So the fairy godmother plucked the lotus bud and brought that to her hut. She kept that bud in a glass utensil. She poured honey, dew, and milk in that utensil to grow that bud.

One beautiful morning, she woke up only to find that the lotus bud was gone. A baby fairy was lying in that utensil. The baby fairy was glowing in the rays of morning sun. Her skin complexion was of golden honey in colour. She had two little wings on her back. Her ten little fingers were rubbing the side of the glass utensil. She was trying to get out. Her hair was of jade black in color. Her pair of small eyes was twinkling in the soft rays of sun. She was babbling all sweet baby nothings.

Fairy godmother cried in happiness that that lotus bud bloomed into a baby fairy. She took out that baby fairy out of the utensil and wrapped her in a white and blue silk cloth. She fed her with honey and dew every day.

Days passed, the baby grew to a beautiful fairy. Her wings grew strong. Those were colourful. Colours of peacock and seven rays of sun were painted on her wings. However, she was not strong enough to fly. Because fairy godmother never taught her to fly. Fairy godmother always wanted to keep that young fairy with her, always forever.

She used to play in the sun, on the grass fields. She used to nurture those flowerbeds in front of her house. She used to drink the morning dews. She used to take fruits. Honeybees used to bring her honey every morning.

Her braids grew longer day by day. Those braids flowed on the ground while she walked. She used to prepare garlands out of the flowers and tied those in her hair and on her wrists.”

I was surprised to hear that story. I was speechless by his imagination.

Dushtu continued---“One night the fairy godmother was not at home. She was out for some work to finish, in the moonlight. The young beautiful fairy was inside her hut, looking outside the window to the dark blue sky and those stars twinkling over head. Suddenly she heard a noise. She looked around her, but there was no one around. She quietly opened the door and looked outside. She was very much surprised to find a milky white unicorn standing at her door and looking at her. The young fairy could not understand as what to do. She came near the unicorn and patted him on his neck. The unicorn neighed. The fairy got frightened at first. But the unicorn rubbed his neck on the fairy’s cheek assuring her that he meant her no harm.

She ushered the unicorn into her hut. She looked at the unicorn for a long time with her big eyes full of amazement. After sometime, she fell asleep.

The first light of the dawn touched the window of her hut, caressed gently on her cheek and face. The warmth of the morning sun woke her up. She was surprised to see a handsome youth sitting in the place of the unicorn. She was taken aback. She got frightened. She was about to shriek when the young lad pressed his hand on her lips and stopped her scream.

She sat there as she felt huge waves inside her chest. She was very much frightened and how that unicorn vanished and a handsome youth was sitting at his place.

The young lad spoke at last “I am a thief. I can disguise in any form. I came here to steal the doll from the fairy godmother. But when I saw you I forgot about the doll. I changed myself into an unicorn to get into the house.”

The young beautiful fairy was listening quietly. The thief asked her “Do you want to fly? Do you want to go beyond those woods? Do you want to hear how the rivers sing?”

Very gently, the fairy nodded her head. She was mesmerized on hearing his strong deep voice.

The thief wrapped the fairy in a huge cloak and dug the floor of the hut. They dug under the fields for few days and made a passage beyond the forest. After few days when they came out of the passage, the fairy found her beyond the huge forest. There were high snow peaked mountains in front of her.

The thief asked her “Do you want to fly?”

The fairy nodded her head “Yes.”

The thief scooped up the fairy on his lap and threw her in the air. At first, she fell down, but the thief caught her in his strong arms. Again, he threw the fairy in the air. This time she fluttered her huge wings. She floated in the air. She looked down. The thief was walking along with her on the ground following her shadow.

The fairy flew to the mountains and the thief followed her shadow to the mountains.”

I held my breath till he finished the last sentence and smiled at me.

He asked me---“Do you know the rest part of the story?”

I asked him---“Why? Does this story end here?”

He nodded his head---“Yes. He didn’t tell what happened next.”

I thought about the story, the story of the thief, who stole the fairy from her godmother and ran to the mountains. He taught the fairy how to fly. Moreover, after that day the fairy flew in the air, under the sun over the trees over the green grass. Once the fairy looked down but could not find the thief there. She thought that the thief might have gone somewhere and would return. The thief did not return for long time.

I gently pulled his chubby cheeks and nudged him---“Go to sleep now. Next time when Abhi uncle will come, he will tell you the rest of the story as what happened to the thief and the fairy.”

______________________________

[usaiha2]

Chapter 8: Sapling crushed


--------------------------------

ChotoMa came on that day to take me back. My Mom was almost in tears as she bid good bye.

As usual, Babu sent a car to pick me up. While returning, ChotoMa asked me as how I spend my holidays. I asked her as what she did when I was not at home.

She looked at me, rubbed her palm on my head, and said---“We both missed you a lot.”

I looked at her face smiling face, hugged her, and nudged my face on the curve of her shoulder. She asked me---“What happened?”

---“I missed you a lot.”

---“Ok, your first year exams are coming near. Now onwards, only study and nothing else.”

College started. Days passed. There was no communication received from him in any sense. With every passing day, I grew more restless. To overcome that turbulence inside my heart, I dipped myself in my studies.

The day was midweek of July. First year exam results were declared. I came out with good colours in my mark sheet. Both ChotoMa and Babu were happy by my progress.

It was raining from the morning. On that day one year ago, all our dreams shattered. From the very morning, I observed that Babu and ChotoMa were acting very indifferent towards me. I sensed that they were missing their son very much. I understood that I was not their daughter “Why should someone lose their own son due to some other’s daughter’s fault?” That day they were very much agitated and after I returned from college Babu asked for my mobile. I could not understand at first.

Babu asked me---“Paree, can I use your mobile? I have to make a call.”

I was sure that he wanted to check my call-logs so as to find that whether I have received any call from him or not.

I gave him my mobile and went inside my room to change my dress. The showers were still pouring from the heaven. Thunders were rattling the air and the walls of the house. After sometime, ChotoMa also returned from her school. I was in the kitchen preparing the dinner.

ChotoMa came to the kitchen after changing her dresses. Her face was sullen.

She gave a fake smile at me---“How are you today?”

I shook my head “I am fine.”

She started to chop the onions along with me. I observed with the corner of my eyes that she was wiping her eyes frequently. “Was that due to the onions or she was missing her son?” I was also missing him very much that day.

She said in a low voice---“Few things in life, we fail to understand why that happens.”

I looked at her, tried to understand as what she wanted to say.

I was not a child, unknown to the facts of this harsh reality of the world around me. Both ChotoMa and Babu were very quiet during the dinner. They only asked about my studies and nothing else. Their perturbed face was killing me. That night I wrote the most painful thoughts in my “Optics Notebook”.

---“I was a girl, who posses just the opposite nature of Midas touch. Whatever touches my life turns into stone instead of gold. I was born, my father passed away. I wanted to pursue my studies which brought Abhimanyu near me. He went away, squandered off in this world away from his own parents. ChotoMa and Babu lost their own blood and flesh. What should I do? Where should I go? Only those eight months, he was by my side. I felt as if conquering the whole world. I felt the world at my feet. Now he is gone. Suchismita left her native place as a Paree. Time transmigrated her to Mita. What more dark nature, the life has to unfurl before me?”

From that day, my reactions for my foster parents started to change. Gradually the way of their conversation and behavior changed.

##

[usaiha2]

Days turned to months but there was no sign of his communication. Gradually his memoirs were fading away from my mind. The “Optics Notebook” came out of the shelf seldom. I dived deep into the abyss of my life. I wanted to relieve my pains only through my studies. All that I wanted to do was to study hard and lead a life of own. I did not want to tie anyone’s life with my desolate fate. I cursed myself for my life.


  ##

On my birthday, I woke up as usual. Mom called in the morning to wish me good luck. I felt crying when I heard Mom’s voice over the telephone. I felt that time that how much alone I was in this world.

Mom asked me---“Are you ok?”

---“Yes I am. I miss you very much.”

ChotoMa was near me so I told her---“I will call you later Ma. I have to go to College.”

I bathed and entered my room to change my dress. I found a beautiful gift pack on my bed. I opened that pack. I found a beautiful sky blue salwar suit. ChotoMa came to my room and I bent to touch her feet.

She placed her palm on my head and asked---“Love that dress?”

I shook my head “Yes, it is beautiful.”

---“Are you going to take out your friends for any treat?”

---“I don’t know.”

---“Then return from your college on time. Your Babu will take you to the shop to buy you the deck he promised.”

I looked at ChotoMa and said---“What’s the need of that? I don’t want that.”

She rubbed her palm on my head and said---“You are upset.”

A huge wave rose from the abyss of my chest and was about to crush on the shore of my face. I looked the other way to control that wave and nodded my head.

---“I am fine. I am missing my Mom.”

She understood everything and let a deep exhale to come out of her chest.

---“Be a good girl. Don’t be upset. Today is your birthday. Enjoy yourself.”

She handed me two five hundred rupees note and said---“Enjoy with your friends, but don’t be late for house.”

In my college, I had a mixed feeling running inside myself. For the first time in my college days, I saw Teesta in a beautiful red and yellow coloured salwar. I smiled at her. She smiled back at me and waved her fingers.

She came and sat beside me. After a long time I felt her touching my shoulder.

---“You are looking beautiful. Happy birthday.”

I smiled back at her---“How do you know?”

---“You told once.”

I contracted my brows and asked her---“What made you to wear salwar today?”

Her voice was low---“I feel I should change myself.”

Debobroto entered the class room and directly came to me and wished me.

He screamed almost---“Ufff! Are you going to kill everybody?” All laughed out in the class.

My face turned red in coy. Delisha and Pushpanjali also wished me and asked where I was going to take them out?

Debobroto came near Teesta and whispered in her ears. I heard that because I was sitting next to Teesta.

---“What happened to you? Today you are also looking very different?”

She looked at him and said---“I just lost myself somewhere in last few years.”

From the voice I fathomed that the old Teesta whom everybody knew, was not present. May be she died or she was hidden somewhere.

Debobroto ruffled her braids and went away.

After the college all friends surrounded me to treat them.

Rajat and Pushpanjali were adamant to take them to “Peter Cat”.

I smiled back at them and said---“I don’t have enough…..”

Teesta came to my rescue---“Why do you worry? Till I am here.”

Debobroto said---“No outsiders. No Danish no Tirthankar. This time only friends.”

Teesta smiled painfully at him and said “Tirthankar is past.” She looked at Delisha and then said “Danish is always welcome.”

Debobroto joked at her---“Really. I was waiting for this moment for a long time to court you, sexy.”

The old frolic Teesta was again out of her den. She started beating him.

[usaiha2]

The rain started as we came out of the college waiting for the taxis. We were seven friends and all wanted to go together.


Debobroto said---“Hey we can’t go in one taxi at least. Else girls have to sit on the laps.”

I shook my head in dismay.

My umbrella stuck and was not opening. Debobroto came near me and held his umbrella over my head. I looked at him with grateful eyes and thanked him.

The drizzle has already soaked sides and back of my dress. I tried to hide my bust by the dupatta.

Just then, I felt Debobroto has left arm on my left shoulder. I felt his touch like a shock, send goose bumps on my arms. The touch did not have any lewdness or lecher. It was a friendly loving touch. I looked around, Teesta and Delisha was smiling at me.

My creamy bare upper arm touched his left chest. Cold, humid breeze were blowing around us. I tried to feel the warmth of his palm on my shoulder. I looked down on the footpath.

Sankho called two taxis.

He looked at me and ushered me into the taxi.

In one taxi, I, Delisha, Teesta, and Debobroto boarded. He sat on the front seat.

Both of us were very quiet. The touch of his palm, send a string of thoughts racing in my brain. I looked outside the window. The raindrops splashed continuously on the glass panes.

Teesta asked me---“Why are you so quiet today? You should be happy. It is your birthday.”

“Nothing, I miss my Mom, everyday” I hid my pains.

“Was he coming back? Was there any type of communication he was going to have with me?” I could see the old wooden mast on the horizon of the ocean. Gradually the old mast was going down the line, the separator between the blue sky and Prussian sea.

Debobroto was quiet for a long time. I felt that he was also not in his old composure.

I tried to bring myself out of my confinement and slapped the back of his head---“Hey why are you so quiet?”

He smiled back at me---“Nothing.” He joked at both of us. “Today every girl is in salwar and I am having three most beautiful girls with me. Huh… everyone would be jealous of me I am sure.”

“Come on at least leave Delisha.” Teesta scolded him.

In the restaurant Debobroto sat between me and Teesta. I observe that Teesta was showing lot of concern about Debobroto. The way she was talking to him was not the way she used to talk to him.

I asked---“What to order?”

Teesta---“Chello Kebab, what else. Debu, what do you say?”

Debobroto was also astonished to hear his short name from Teesta’s lips. He contracted his brows and looked at Teesta. She smiled sweetly at him.

“Come on don’t give that look.” She smiled back.

After that we came out. It was still drizzling, that time I could open my umbrella. I and Teesta were on the same route so we were walking towards the main road. Debobroto was also walking with us.

Teesta asked him---“What are you going to do after M.Sc.?”

He shook his head and said---“I have not thought of anything yet, probably a lecturer or do research.”

He asked her back---“What are you going to do?”

“I am tired of studying. I will settle down after my college” she asked me as what I wanted to do.

I said---“I want to be a teacher. Let us see what happens. Ambitions are always not fulfilled; wishes are not met by fate.”

Debobroto looked into my eyes, our eyes met and I felt a deep writhing pain inside my chest.

He said to me---“Why are you so gloom now-a-days? Why is your voice sounding so cynic today?”

“Nothing” I said.

Teesta stood near to Debobroto as we waited for taxi. Her arms were touching his arms. I felt the closeness that was brewing inside her. I restrained myself from some unknown vacuum.

We were to board the taxi. I looked back over my shoulder, Teesta still stood by his side looking at his face. All the while he looked at me and approached me.

He handed a small box wrapped in a cellophane paper in my hand and said---“A small gift from a demure friend.”

I smiled back at him and said---“If you are demure then the world is mute.”

Teesta laughed at him and said---“Where is my gift?”

He scratched his scalp---“I don’t have the license to gift you. Do I?”

I boarded the taxi along with Teesta.

Before the taxi started, she threw some words at him---“I will wait for your gift.”

I thought, as the taxi cut through the streets and drove though the drizzle “What was happening to the world around me?”

Both of us were very quiet all along the return journey. Both of us lost in one’s thought. She was probably thinking about her future and I was thinking about my past.

She had to get down before me. When her stoppage came, she got down.

She looked at me and said---“Thank you for the treat.” She kissed my cheek and waved her hand.

The sun already went down. It was getting dark and there was no sign of rain to stop.

I entered my house. Babu and ChotoMa were waiting for me. I was surprised to see ChotoMa as she usually returns late from her school.

I asked them---“What?”

ChotoMa told---“I promised you to gift a music system. So hurry up. Change your dress.”

I said---“I don’t want any music system. I told you beforehand.”

She came near me and asked---“What happened to you?”

I felt a pain and wanted to tell the bitter truth “You all have done a lot for a girl who is not your own. Do not drown me in your debt more. I won’t be able to stand.”

Unwillingly I went with them and they gifted me a music system. I kept that on my reading table. Seldom had I used to hear music.

In the night, when I was alone in my room, I opened the box that Debobroto presented me. There was a small glass sphere filled up with transparent liquid. In that glass sphere there were two tiny cute looking statues of a boy and a girl with entwined arms. I smiled by looking at that “Debobroto what are you asking for I don’t have that with me. I can’t give you what I have lost.” I packed that sphere back inside that box and kept that in one corner of my bookshelf.


##

[usaiha2]

During the Puja vacation, ChotoMa and Babu requested me to stay with them in Kolkata. I obliged happily. I never enjoyed puja of Kolkata before.


On the eve of Puja vacation, ChotoMa and Babu took me to BowBazar for buying gold jewelries.

That time I could not deny them.

On Ashtami morning, Debobroto called and asked whether I would like to go out with them or not.

I asked---“Who all are going?”

He told me that all of the friends would be going.

I asked---“One car or different cars?”

He joked at me---“Why? Don’t you feel comfortable with me?”

I laughed on him---“Come on Debobroto. Do not be mischief. I am asking so that we can enjoy.”

---“Ok I will hire a van or an Innova to take us all.”

---“Is Teesta coming with us?”

---“Surely it was her plan to go out.”

I asked ChotoMa that I wanted to go out with my friends and will be late for home. They did not oppose.

I dressed in a simple cream coloured cotton saree with dark green border. Tied my plaids in a bun; hanging below my nape.

ChotoMa looked at me and almost screamed---“What is this Paree? Today is Ashtami puja and you are dressed like this? What about the saree that I gave you this Puja?”

She presented a beautiful South Indian silk of green and golden border, on that puja.

I gave a faint smile at her and said---“This is ok.”

She pushed me inside my room---“At least don’t be so colour less in life.”

“Ok” I shook my head and changed myself in that gorgeous saree. It went very well with my cream soft complexion. She came out with her jewelry box and tied a necklace around my neck.

I looked at ChotoMa and asked her---“What the need of this?”

She rubbed her palm on my head and said---“Nothing. I am looking how beautiful you are. Enjoy with your friends and keep your mobile on all the time so that we can reach you.”

I nodded my head and said---“Oh! ChotoMa I am not a child anymore.”

I was dressed in that green coloured silk saree. Hair plaids ran down till my end of my back. I wore a matching green blouse. Few gold bangles adorned my thin wrist. Small gold earring dangled beautifully from my ears. My right lock danced on my right cheek. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled “Paree you are going to set fire to Kolkata.”

All of a sudden, I felt a touch on my shoulder, a very soft loving touch. There was no reflection on the mirror but I was sure that I felt that touch on my shoulder.

Someone whispered in my ears---“EVE you are looking gorgeous today.”

I stood there looking at my face, gradually my chest gurgled. My nose tip turned red. Tears brewed in my eyes. I pressed my palms on my chest to drowse my pain. I touched my shoulder where I felt his touch and pressed it on my lips.

Just then, my mobile phone rang.

Teesta shouted from the other end---“Come on. What are you waiting for? We are all waiting for the queen bee at the bus stop.”

I wiped the corner of my eyes and answered---“Wait. I am coming.”

ChotoMa looked at me from head to toe and kissed my forehead.

She said to me in her usual affectionate tone---“Enjoy with your friends.”

I took my brown clutch and walked out.

I reached bus-stop. Teesta was looking very beautiful in her baby pink silk saree. Short sleeved blouse. A pair of crystal earring was twinkling from her ears. Her braids were tied in a bun as I did previously. Dark brown color glued on her pouting lips. A small gold chain tied around her neck. The rhombus shaped locket dangled at the curve on her upper chest. For the first time I saw her in saree. “She looks beautiful in all dresses” I thought. She ran towards me, hugged me tightly, and whispered in my ears “If I were a boy I would have courted you Mita.”

I looked in her naughty eyes and complimented her---“You are going to set fire today not I.”

I smiled at Debobroto. He was looking dashing in his black kurta with golden yellow embroidery all over the collar and front. He was wearing a pair of cream jeans.

I told to myself “Both of them were made for each other, not for me.”

He smiled and came near me, whispered in my ears---“I will have a tough time to handle two beautiful ladies.”

I told to myself “Only one dear. Do not even try to think of me. Can’t you see the love that is dripping from Teesta’s eyes? What a fool you are. She has changed a lot.”

Instead I slapped his head and said---“Don’t try to get closer; else we both will fry you in fry pan.”

I asked them---“Where are the others?”

Teesta winked at me and said---“There is no others. We three only are going out.”

I almost screamed at them---“WHAT?”

“Why? Don’t you feel secure around me?” Debobroto asked me.

I shook my head in dismay. Everything became crystal clear in front of my eyes as I looked at Teesta’s loving cute face. Teesta arranged for the outing with Debobroto and Debobroto asked her whether I could go along with them or not.

I felt myself laughing after a long time. Teesta was babbling like a nightingale all the time.

It was night about eleven o’clock when we reached Muhammad Ali Park puja pandal. It was very crowded. I looked at the crowd and said to Debobroto that I will not go inside.

Teesta gave a pleading look at me and asked to accompany her.

Debobroto said that he does not want to go inside if I were not going. I stood helpless.

Teesta pleaded again---“Please Mita. There will be crowd everywhere.”

I told them that I had to make a call. I wanted to call Suprotim Da as to ask whether he had contacted them or not. Sixteen months passed without any news of him.

She looked at Debobroto who was still looking at me. I gave a faint smile at them and asked them to enjoy.

Teesta walked with Debobroto towards the puja pandal, in the crowd. She held his left arm tightly with her both hands, as if she did not want to let him go. I smiled at them as they walked towards the crowded place. All the time Teesta was holding his arm and looking at his face.

They were about to enter the pandal. Debobroto looked back over his shoulder and stretched his right hand towards me.

I took out my mobile and was to call Suprotim Da.

His eyes got a pleading look. He shouted, as there was huge noise all around---“I am still waiting for you, Mita.”

I clutched the mobile in my palm and forgot that I had to make a call. I looked at Teesta. Her eyes were glistening, but there was a smile on her lips. She looked at me. Her eyes told me many things. I shook my head “What are you doing Debobroto? Are you really so blind?”

I slowly walked towards them and patted on his back---“You won’t change Debobroto?”

He joked at me---“Why do I need to change?”

Teesta whispered “For my sake Debu.” Her words, drowned in the loud blaring noise. It did not reached Debobroto’s ears but it reached mine.

[usaiha2]

##

One day I called Suprotim Da at night.

It was Ritika again on the other end. I asked her whether he called them or not. She said that he had not called for a long time. I was very much perturbed then by her answer. I kept my head cool. I told her that if he calls them, then just inform him that I am still to receive any type of communication from him. She was surprised to hear that that he had not contacted me. She pacified me that he would surely find out some way to contact me. I pacified my soul by her answer and let the waves flow through the river.

ChotoMa and Babu were again behaving normally with me. Their smiles returned back but were less. Those touches of affection were losing its sheen. “ShonaMa” was seldom heard from their lips.

 #

Few months later, again I observed a tense look on their face. I could not understand as what was creating those wrinkles on their foreheads.

-

One day I gathered all my strength to ask them as what was disturbing them for long time?

ChotoMa returned from her school, I was in my room. Babu was watching TV in drawing room.

ChotoMa came into my room and asked about my college and friends.

I asked---“Why are you both so disturbed? Is that all due to me?”

She sat on my bed and looked at me---“No. We are not disturbed, just cursing the fate.”

I understood everything that was in their heart.

She went on---“You are growing older. Next year you will turn twenty-seven. I was thinking of searching a groom for you.”

I pressed my pen between my lips to hide my pain---“Why? Am I bothering you very much?”

---“Paree, age is a factor of every one’s life. As you grow old, you will understand that you need someone by your side to look after you. You mom or we won’t be with you forever.”

I shook my head and said---“I was thinking for a long time that I should return to my native place. I don’t want to pursue M.Sc. anymore.”

Her voice choked a little---“Don’t talk about going back to your native village. We still love you. You are not a burden on us. It is a general concern of all parents about their daughter.”

---“Then why are you talking about my marriage?”

---“We want to see you happy before we close our eyes. We are also getting old; your mom is also getting old. She also expressed her concern about your marriage.”

I was surprised to hear that---“What? My mom told you about my marriage?”

She shook her head and said---“No, not actually. She is also getting old and she also must be thinking about your marriage.”

“So it was your thought,” I told to myself. “You want to get rid of me as soon as possible. I know my Mom; she will not be asking you for my marriage at least. She knows what I want.”

She looked at my face which was lost in my Mom’s thought and asked---“What are you thinking?”

I voiced my concern---“Nothing. But if you all behave with me like that then it is hard to concentrate on my studies.”

She apologized to me---“Sorry. We will talk about this later on. A whole year is there to discuss and lot of time for you to think.”

She went away, closing the door behind her. I was unable to concentrate in my studies.

##

[usaiha2]

Winter vacation approached. My M.Sc. final were just five months from then. I went back to my native village. That time I went alone in the cab. Neither Babu nor ChotoMa accompanied me.


I got down from the cab alone; my Mom looked at my face.

She asked me---“You are alone this time?”

I nodded my head and carried my bag inside---“Yes, ChotoMa and Babu were busy in some work. Anyway they will be coming to take me back.”

She probably sensed those bubbles inside me.

--

At night, she came to my room. I was writing few lines in the “Optics Notebook”. I closed that and looked at her.

She asked me---“Has Abhimanyu contacted you?”

I shook my head---“No he has not called me; neither has he called Suprotim Da.”

---“What happened to him? Why he is not trying to contact you?”

I was very annoyed on hearing those words. I almost screamed---“How can I know? What the hell is he doing? I don’t even know why he came in my life and just uprooted me.”

I had mixed feelings of angst and pain and fear running inside my heart.

Angst, he was not contacting me. Pain, has he forgotten me? Fear, something should not happen to him.

I asked Mom---“When are you going to talk to ChotoMa about me and Abhi?”

She came near me and rubbed her palms on my head---“Don’t be so restless.”

---“How can I hold on? Eighteen months have passed. What is he doing?”

She asked me a final question---“Ask your heart. What is restraining him from contacting you for last eighteen months? If you find answer, then wait for him and fight. If you don’t find any answer then meet whatever comes in your life.”

I locked the door after mom went out. I asked that question to myself that night. But I could not find any answer.

I called Suprotim Da again but the phone answered, “Please check the number you have dialed.”

I found the panes of glass covering my heart getting shattered by that answer. My last and only hope drowned. I did not cry that day. I did not sleep on my bed also. For the whole night, I was awake on my bed, sat silently. I felt angry upon myself for waiting too long for him. I felt a huge vacuum inside my heart. Nothing was there to fill my soul. No pain no happiness, only a dark vacuum.

I looked the “Optics Notebook” lying on the table. For once, I thought of destroying that diary forever. “Why should I care for his childhood? Why should I care for his friendships? Why should I care for his love?”

I took the diary in my hands and was about to tear. The page that opened in front of me was his Hindi poem. I read that somehow which restrained me to destroy that diary.

The whole winter break, I kept myself confined to my studies only. I knew that very well, that if I have to fight the world I have to be on myself. I had a pillar, my Mom, but I had to search for him also.