Fantasy The Longing (Completed)

[garamrohan]

THE LONGING

The day was 1 May, 1993. I was feeling a bit nervous as I was brushing my teeths in the hostel bathroom. Not for the results to be declared today, though. I have hardly cared about those over my college life. With multiple failures, somehow I was able to give my final year exam this year. I have been a cool guy all my life. I was okay in study, but excelled in other activities; be it sports or acting. I was probably the first in my class to propose to a girl (When I was in 8th standard) and messing up with other guys never bothered me. As I grew up; my lust towards women only accentuated. I lost my virginity at the age of 20 itself to a pretty, innocent junior of mine. Since I banged her on an academic trip, I have been with at least a dozen girls and a couple of women; including a prostitute. With every year I change girlfriends, if not twice a year. And while my other buddies wondered & envied my success with girls, I can see this success obvious with my fearless attitude and smart way to talk and take girls.


But alas... This year has been the exception. This whole last year I couldn't enjoy the college life - sex, smoke, alcohol, anything you name it. Luckily I passed last year and was appearing for a degree exam at the age of 23. My parents were hoping that at least this year I will clear my exam and will grab a job. Although, they never disclosed it on my face. The relationship between us was never very smooth. They didn't try to convince me when my complaints were made to them; nor did I listen to them over my life. Since I left home for further studies, I have hardly been in touch with them except during the summer holiday I spend at my home.


The summer holiday for the year was going to start on the day with result declaration. If this was like any previous year, I would have stayed at the hostel only until the rector would throw me off the room and lock it. Ofcourse, I was more happy to enjoy the Kanpur fever than going to my second class hometown and facing tension among me and my parents.


But this year was different. I didn't feel like staying here. Two years back, I stayed back alone and also fucked Nisha Sharma in my hostel room. But this year no Nisha and no Manisha was able to blow my mind. I tried with several girls, went to a prostitute one more time and also tried it with the mess owner's wife. But I was missing it. And I know, the problem was not with any of these ladies, it was all wrong with my mind.


As I returned from the bathroom and started packing, Prakash asked with a surprising tone, "Are you leaving for home? So soon?" I simply nodded. Prakash is a bright student. He has been my roommate for a couple of years. Prakash, me and Anish were roommate until Anish's unfortunate death last year; suicide to be motherfucking honest. So this year only we two were there. Prakash always used to discuss memories of Anish which I asked him to stop. It was painful, you know. 

After getting ready, we went to college. I took the report card and I got a 'Pass', at last. Cleared a 3 year degree in 5 years. But that will shut the mouths of our annoying relatives and give some relief to my worrying parents, I thought. While we took leave of our buddies from college, everybody was surprised to see me not staying back. But, I didn’t comment on that much. 


We left for the station together. Prakash belonged to Ghaziabad and my hometown was around 200 kms from Kanpur on the way to Ghaziabad. So  Prakash and I took a ticket for the train, lodged into and grabbed adjacent seats. Prakash didn’t bother to talk to me and started reading a magazine. As he had already pointed out to me, I have changed since last year. And I must agree he was not entirely long. I was never known to be an introvert and probably for the first time in my life, I was putting this much thought to decide. I knew I was fucked up and also knew the (only) cure for it; but something was bothering me to take step towards it and I was getting irritated my myself. The train started moving and I was blindly looking at the moving platform; all sorts of thoughts kept passing through my mind and I overheard an announcement for the train; the same train by which I and Anish travelled last year. And I made up my mind! Suddenly I stood up and moved to step out of the train.


"What happened, Raghav?," Asked Prakash.


"Prakash you go I have some important work to do," I said and hurriedly got off the train with luggage. Prakash kept calling my name from the train but I simply kept mum and waved my hand as I left the platform for the ticket counter. I was going to visit Anish’s hometown in Sonbhadra district. 

(At the Anish’s hometown)

When I reached the bungalow, it was past 6 p.m. and the diminishing, golden sunlight was warming my right chick. I opened the gate carefully without making any noise. The beautiful sight of the bunglow densely surrounded by aesthetically planted trees, vines and shrubs! The garden was still carefully maintained like it was when I visited last year. And the dwarf mango tree line on the left side, across the compound wall, which was hardly noticeable last year had got into potency and was full of hanging ripe mangoes. The moment I entered the premises, I thanked my instinct for bringing me here.

I rang the bell and I must be honest how excited I was at that time because I knew who was going to attend me. As aunt Soudamini opened the door, I just smiled looking at the utter surprise on her face. “Mrs. Awasthy... right?”

“Raghav…. You will never change.,” She shook her head as a glittering smile appeared on her face, “What a pleasant surprise! How did you happen to be here?” She welcomed me walking backward.

“Just thought of seeing you, Aunty.” I forwarded. And in a moment I could see the sorrow appear in her watery eyes. 

“How are you?” I asked.

“Well and good… As you can see.” She tossed off the clouding sadness with her charming gesture. “I will bring you the water,'' she said and moved to the kitchen. I put my bags down and watched around. The hall was intactly maintained, just now there was a photo frame of Anish hanging on the wall with a garland. I felt that sight disturbing so I was about to turn my head when Aunty returned with a glass of water. 

“I will make coffee for you,” saying that she was about to depart for the kitchen but I stopped her.

“Aunty, I am here to talk to you… I don’t need coffee.. Just sit with me..” And I sat on the sofa. She hesitantly followed. I could feel that she was trying to avoid the subject. Of course she had lost her only son last year; the wounds take time to heal. But I have not been the kind of guy who will act for the sake of pleasing anyone.. I gazed at her for long; looking straight into her eyes. She smiled a couple of times, looked here and there. It wasn’t easy for her to hide her inner turmoil. Especially, with her eyes full of water.

“Are you okay Aunty?” I warmly pressed my palm over her wrist.

“No worries..” she smiled and a droplet of tears rolled off her right chick.

“It’s okay.. You have to be strong right?” I held her hand with both my palms. “Anish would have never liked to see you crying, would he?”

“Yeah.. of course not..,” She wiped off the tears. “I'm supposed to be strong. Momma got to be strong… But she shouldn’t expect the same from you.” and she pierced her pretty face in her palms. 

I moved a little closer to her. And consoled her softly, “We tried our best, didn’t we? We never expected it to turn this ugly. Remember all the crazy things we did last summer to cheer him up? And you will agree too, that he was coming out of the breakup patch. But suddenly… I shook my head in despair and we got lost in last year’s memory.

(Memories of the last summer)

When I heard from Prakash about Anish’s breakup, I didn’t give it a fuck. Anish and Prakash, my two roommates, were some 2 years younger to me. Of Course Anish was a bright student and hailed from a high class family. His father was a Navy officer and the discipline was naturally inherited to Anish. He was handsome; but despite this he was sissy in my eyes. Hence I didn’t interact with him much. And later when Anish got to know of my escapades with girls, he maintained proper distance from me. You know the typical bookish, down to earth guys… bullshit!

When Prakash told me that Anish is showing interest in Ridhi, I was sure that, a hard time would soon start for him. Ridhi was a good looking girl, although not of my kind (Otherwise I would have fucked her way back.. lol). But definitely she was not going to say yes to Anish, this I knew from day one. So when Prakash confirmed her denying Anish’s proposal, it didn’t come as a surprise to me. I just asked Prakash to educate Anish to ‘Grow Up’. And one day when I bunked classes to get an afternoon nap, I found Anish in the room only, crying.

However mad I was with him, I gave him some harsh lecture, which I believed was extremely needed for him.

“Don’t ever cry for pussies… You will get plenty… She is not your family member whose loss is troubling you…” that was my first and last time of counselling anyone on girls matters. I was not sure how it would go with Anish, but surprisingly he looked relieved. And if not all, most of my talk seemed to have made sense to him. 

But the strong boy didn’t continue the spirit very long. The day our exam started, Anish got a setback and depression again took over him. I almost cursed him several times, as I was struggling to get passed while this boy just didn’t ‘feel like writing exams’. Prakash was indeed worried about him and was afraid that Ashish would harm himself under the stress. 

“Even doing suicide requires certain amount of guts.. Don't’ worry friend, Anish is too fattu to harm himself”, I told him right away.

But he didn’t look convinced. According to him, leaving Anish alone in the situation was risky and asked me to accompany him and hand him over to his parents. I simply dismissed his request. But as Prakash insisted, and his sister’s marriage was just a few days ahead, I dispassionately got ready to accompany Anish to his hometown. 

I still remember the day I visited his house. That was a hot summer and the temperature in Kanpur was 30+ celsius. We got exhausted throughout our journey. And on top of that the distressed company I had. I felt like slapping him sometimes. He chose to stay mum and only replied whatever I asked him.

When we arrived at his destination, he finally talked; in fact requested me not to tell about his affair (was it? One sided dreamer..) to his mother. 

“What would I get by conveying this matter to your mother? I will keep my mouth shut. But on one condition. You won’t take the name of that girl as long as we don’t return back to college,” I put my hands on his shoulder, “I will help you to approach Ridhi. But now stop this nonsense for god’s sake.”

“Really?” The eagerness of the rabbit appeared in his eyes and I wondered why I didn't feed him this pill earlier.

“Yes I will… And I will also teach you how to be a man… Some asshole talks with your girl, steals her away from you and you keep crying… If you keep walking the same path, no girl will ever love you… A woman likes a man who protects her from others..”

“Why worry when I have a guru like you,” he alone laughed. But he seemed much relieved thereafter; and so was I.

(Memories continue…)

I was literally stunned when I reached Anish’s hometown in Sonbhadra. I knew his father is a navy officer, but I hardly had any idea that the family is enjoying their stay in a distinct, forest area of Sonbhadra where elites from society have their farmhouses. This was a completely alien world for me; who has grown up in a middle class crowded suburb of UP. I was so amazed by the scenery around, that I was lost while having dinner at the dining table. As if nature has bestowed anything less, Anish’s mother has maintained a garden around the spectacular bungalow gifted by her husband on one of their anniversaries. Adding to it was the haunting sound of the waterfall from the dense greenwood at the backside of the bungalow. 

But the thing that I was shaken most was the first look of Aunt Soudamini, Anish’s mother. I had been with so many women; but her graceful look made my jaw drop. She was a gifted beauty, undoubtedly with an opulent choice of wears that was easily creating an aura around her. She was in a sleeveless blouse and a beautiful yellow colored translucent saree; the thing I had watched only in movies. My eyes were just glued to her face when she welcomed me with her glittering smile, clearing hairs trails off her face. 

My eyes were still poking her beauty as she served us food that evening. Her shapely swinging ass to a handful of tight breasts! It was difficult to believe this hour-glass figured lady was the mother of a college student. And I realised at that moment that I wanted her badly. I wanted to have her at any cost. 

“Aunty… I wanted to tell you something.” I said in a serious tone. And the next moment I told everything about Anish’s breakup with Ridhi and his mental breakdown. She trembled hearing this and was angry at Anish for doing such nonsense things for the breakup and not telling her. But she was impressed by my frankness and the way I helped Anish come out of the depression.

“Thank you very much, Raghav”, She put her soft, warm palm on my hand. I was so pleased with that wonderful touch that I ignored anger in Anish’s eyes. I knew I was going to convince him later on. As we all were to leave for bed, I called Aunt Soudamini, “You are very beautiful, Aunty”. To this she blushed out a smile, smitten by my praise and departed to her bedroom by saying me and Anish goodnight. 

It was not very much difficult to convince Anish that it was my duty to tell the truth and Prakash and I have decided that. And he was already expecting my help to get Ridhi back, so he couldn’t afford to be unhappy with me. I had decided to take benefit of this and complete my dream to fuck his beautiful mother, Mrs. Soudamini Awasthy. 

Anish was getting normal again in that environment and the warmth of motherly love. We had a lot of fun in those days. Played cards, chatted for hours. Aunt Soudamini baked different recipes for us every day and proved that there is more to her personality than sheer beauty. As she was showering her affections on us, I was lusting more for her. 

I had the experience of seducing many girls and ladies in the past. I was carefully weaving the web around her and waiting for appropriate time to munch on her. My flirting with her had become the norm.  Neither Soudamini nor Anish was taking it seriously and confronted each of my flirting attempts with laughs. 

“If you were not married, and I am proposing to you, what will be the answer?” 

When Aunt Soudamini charmingly put her hands on my shoulders and said “Need to think a thousand times before saying you….. No”; I knew I was on the right track.

That was Anish’s 21st birthday. And we went to the waterfall behind the bungalow. We enjoyed a lot there and I had conspired to take Aunt Soudamini under me in the next couple of days. 

But.. But… on that day itself, just when Aunt Soudamini went to Anish’s room to call him down for the celebration, she found him hanging by the ceiling fan.

Everyone was shocked! Investigation happened and the suicide note from Anish reveled that it was suicide and he felt prey to depression again. I was so irritated with this but the consequences made me cancel my plan to conquer Aunt Soundamini and  I had to leave without fulfilling my dreams.

And the truth was, this unsatisfied lust for Aunt Soudamini was bothering me all this year.

---

We were holding each other tight when we were lost into these old memories. I lovingly cleaned tears off her beautiful eyes. It was all dark in the house by then. She stood up to lit lights and went to prepare dinner. I was rock hard by then. The hope to make my dream queen Soudamini my bedmate; had started spreading roots in my mind again. 

(On the Day of Anish’s Shradh)

“It’s been a year… Do you believe it?” I asked as I took a sip of coffee and joined aunt Soudamini in the gallery. She calmly drank her coffee, looking at the green jungle spread next to us.

“Pandit ji will be coming in the afternoon. Kaki and Kaka have made all the arrangements, still if anything comes up, we need to be ready,” She said.

“Of Course.. Don’t worry at all,” I said as I softly put my hands on her shoulders. She turned to me with a smile of comfort. “I am okay… And thanks to you for that. I don’t know how I was going to manage this all alone..”

“Don’t mind me asking but… Why is uncle not here?… It looks so odd. I mean it’s shradh of his only son.”

She chose not to answer and I followed her to Kitchen. 

“Angry?”

“What for?” She was washing coffee mugs. “I don’t have the luxury to expect what a normal lady can from her family..” Her voice was shaking.

And I spontaneously hugged her from behind… “I can understand Aunty… And don't ever think of yourself all alone after Anish… I will always be there for you.” 

“You indeed are, I never considered you an outsider.”

“I am obliged mam” I mocked and we both laughed.. The situation relaxed a bit.

“But then I want one promise… I don’t want to see tears in these pretty eyes.. Ever..” I said, turning her face to me. 

“Promise…” her eyes were glittering with affection.

“Good girl.. And I want you to get dressed nicely… and happily perform all the rituals… Ok?”

“As you say master…” she playfully hit my chest. “Now leave me alone. I have a lot of work..”

I almost ran to the room. It was becoming hard for me to bear this excitement. This experience was unusual. I never found myself getting so carried away. It was just a hug, but the feel of her soft, curvy body in my arms and the feminine fragrance of her skin and hairs had stimulated my desires. I took off the crimson colored lacy brassiere and panty from my pocket; the ones I had stolen from the hangers in the morning. I undid my pants which had become a tent by now and started masturbating while sniffing madly at her undies.

TO BE CONTINUED...