24-05-2021, 07:01 PM
It had been three years since mom was a widow. I had been living in Delhi where I worked in a large multinational company. Initially my efforts to try and get her to come and stay with me proved fruitless. Her memories associated with dad and her past were strong and she continued to live in the south Indian city of Bangalore where we lived since my childhood. Her sister in law, had tried to impress upon her that 50 was not really old and she had to think of a life for herself.
“Your son is 28 very soon he will find someone and settle down and you will just be lonely. Don’t let it happen to you.”
For someone who even refused to leave Bangalore, this was something impossible to think of. Over the last six months though, she was more open to listening to her relatives advice. She even met a few men whom my aunt had arranged. Mostly men in their late 60s. Mom finally said that she was not keen on babysitting men who were retired, and she preferred to remain single in that case. And she finally agreed to come and stay for a month with me in Delhi. Before she arrived, my uncle and aunt called me a few times and told me how it would be useful if Mom decided to remarry and how it would release me from the worry of who would take care of her. They felt, I was not being supportive and that was why she was not very keen. Over several calls they got my assurance on this issue and then told me that they had set up a profile for her on one of the matrimonial websites and once I talk to her and convince her about it, they would also encourage her to keep responding to messages that came through.
Finally, mom came to Delhi and slowly settled down to the new place and our flat. Her routine was getting into place with taking care of me as well as pursuing some of her hobbies especially gardening on the small terrace that we had. A month had passed, and my aunt called me to ask about the progress. I had completely forgotten about the discussions around mom’s remarriage. It came back in the form of a phone call from my aunt who unexpectedly called me during work time and insisted that I spoke with her. Reluctantly, I left my office for a walk and heard her out. My aunt added that she had spoken to mom during the day, and I should have the conversation with her before going to bed. I agreed partly to make her stop the call and return to work. She put the phone down telling me that she would confirm with mom the next day if I had spoken with her.
I reached home around 6:45 and had my usual bath and then sat down to watch some tv with mom being her usual self. We had dinner together at 8:00 pm and I sat down to watch some news. Mom washed the plates and other dishes and came and joined me round 8:30. It was then we had this conversation which was initiated by her.
“Did Sheela call you today?”
“Ah, yes aunty called. Sorry I forgot about it…”
“If you are not in a mood to talk, we can talk later also”
“No maa, I forgot very sorry” An awkward silence followed which was broken by mom
“ I don’t know what to say. They have been asking me about this for months. But what do you think?”
“I think it is ok”
“Ok meaning?”
What did I have to say. I was feeling clueless.
“Ok meaning, I mean it would be good for you right?”
“I am asking what you think, not about whether it is good or bad for me”
“Oh well I think I would be happy if you are happy. Plus if you are alone that is a concern for me as well”
“Are you sure you want me to try all this? I am not sure myself. Can I not leave in peace and alone? What do you say?
“ Maa look you are just 50, there is an entire life in front of you. Atleast try who knows you might find a nice guy who will take good care of you and keep you happy”
“But….”
“But what maa?”
“No…nothing”
“Tell me what is it?”
“Will you be able to accept another man as your father? Won’t it create any discomfort for you?”
I turned to her and looked at her straight
“Well, if you like someone and feel you will be happy with him, then I will definitely accept him as my stepfather. Don’t worry about that you have my word. Plus once I marry, it will make me feel better if you are with someone and not alone”
“You are sure right that you want me to remarry?”
“100% sure”
“Ok so then may be I will talk to Sheela and say yes.”
“Yes mom please do that.”
At 9:30 mom gave me a hug and went to sleep in her room. She was 50, but looked much younger; stood at 5’3 and had a structure that was probably the envy of many. Her daily routine included an hour of yoga for as long as I could remember and that ensured that she was in a fit shape and enjoyed good health and beauty. Her long black hair was pleated, and she mostly wore salwar or sarees. At home it was the simple cotton nighty that she wore all the time.
Next day, I was at office when I got a text from my aunt.
“Good job. You convinced her. Proud of you. Call me during your break, I wont take long”
An hour later, after finishing my lunch, I called my aunt who again told me I had don’t a fantastic job of convincing mom. I tried to tell her that she did not need much convincing but she was sure that it was I who had been responsible for mom being interested to look for matches again.
“By the way, she has a matrimonial profile, would you like to have the log in details?”
“No way, I don’t have to get involved in her choice. Let it be free. And if she is happy with someone then so be it. Why should I be a factor. That is childish”
“Ok so be it, still I am asking are there any criteria? Like any specific background, any particular dos and donts.”
“Ha, ha, I am not the one getting married aunty”
“Yes I know but still I thought I should ask..”
“Only one criteria, mom should be happy other than that none”
“Atleast say if you want someone only from our same background like caste or religion or language?”
“My answer is the same, anyone whom maa is happy with is fine for me”
“Ok if so you can take a backseat till she finds someone. At least then will you want to know who it is, I hope. Or will you just come for her wedding like a guest, hahaha?”
“Hahaha, I will get involved once I know she likes someone and well a wedding might be months if not years away so lets take it one thing at a time.”
“True, you are right and sensible too my dear, Sandeep”
“Thank you, aunty, but now I must get back to work”
“Sure dear, by all means. Bye.”
For a month nothing much came to my attention. It was also the financial year end and administrative work, and compliance reports were driving me mad and making me work late into the night every day. Mom was obviously not very happy and kept telling me my single status is not good and I needed a woman to set me right. I retorted that with my present job and designation, if I married someone, it would lead to a divorce in no time and I had to wait for some time before shaadi could happen. She did not seem fully convinced of my argument but agreed to it. I was working late and I again noticed moms bed lamp on. It was close to mid night and she woke up by 6:00 am. What was she up to? No idea but I was not going to be policing my mom of all people. Not when she was fifty years old.
“Your son is 28 very soon he will find someone and settle down and you will just be lonely. Don’t let it happen to you.”
For someone who even refused to leave Bangalore, this was something impossible to think of. Over the last six months though, she was more open to listening to her relatives advice. She even met a few men whom my aunt had arranged. Mostly men in their late 60s. Mom finally said that she was not keen on babysitting men who were retired, and she preferred to remain single in that case. And she finally agreed to come and stay for a month with me in Delhi. Before she arrived, my uncle and aunt called me a few times and told me how it would be useful if Mom decided to remarry and how it would release me from the worry of who would take care of her. They felt, I was not being supportive and that was why she was not very keen. Over several calls they got my assurance on this issue and then told me that they had set up a profile for her on one of the matrimonial websites and once I talk to her and convince her about it, they would also encourage her to keep responding to messages that came through.
Finally, mom came to Delhi and slowly settled down to the new place and our flat. Her routine was getting into place with taking care of me as well as pursuing some of her hobbies especially gardening on the small terrace that we had. A month had passed, and my aunt called me to ask about the progress. I had completely forgotten about the discussions around mom’s remarriage. It came back in the form of a phone call from my aunt who unexpectedly called me during work time and insisted that I spoke with her. Reluctantly, I left my office for a walk and heard her out. My aunt added that she had spoken to mom during the day, and I should have the conversation with her before going to bed. I agreed partly to make her stop the call and return to work. She put the phone down telling me that she would confirm with mom the next day if I had spoken with her.
I reached home around 6:45 and had my usual bath and then sat down to watch some tv with mom being her usual self. We had dinner together at 8:00 pm and I sat down to watch some news. Mom washed the plates and other dishes and came and joined me round 8:30. It was then we had this conversation which was initiated by her.
“Did Sheela call you today?”
“Ah, yes aunty called. Sorry I forgot about it…”
“If you are not in a mood to talk, we can talk later also”
“No maa, I forgot very sorry” An awkward silence followed which was broken by mom
“ I don’t know what to say. They have been asking me about this for months. But what do you think?”
“I think it is ok”
“Ok meaning?”
What did I have to say. I was feeling clueless.
“Ok meaning, I mean it would be good for you right?”
“I am asking what you think, not about whether it is good or bad for me”
“Oh well I think I would be happy if you are happy. Plus if you are alone that is a concern for me as well”
“Are you sure you want me to try all this? I am not sure myself. Can I not leave in peace and alone? What do you say?
“ Maa look you are just 50, there is an entire life in front of you. Atleast try who knows you might find a nice guy who will take good care of you and keep you happy”
“But….”
“But what maa?”
“No…nothing”
“Tell me what is it?”
“Will you be able to accept another man as your father? Won’t it create any discomfort for you?”
I turned to her and looked at her straight
“Well, if you like someone and feel you will be happy with him, then I will definitely accept him as my stepfather. Don’t worry about that you have my word. Plus once I marry, it will make me feel better if you are with someone and not alone”
“You are sure right that you want me to remarry?”
“100% sure”
“Ok so then may be I will talk to Sheela and say yes.”
“Yes mom please do that.”
At 9:30 mom gave me a hug and went to sleep in her room. She was 50, but looked much younger; stood at 5’3 and had a structure that was probably the envy of many. Her daily routine included an hour of yoga for as long as I could remember and that ensured that she was in a fit shape and enjoyed good health and beauty. Her long black hair was pleated, and she mostly wore salwar or sarees. At home it was the simple cotton nighty that she wore all the time.
Next day, I was at office when I got a text from my aunt.
“Good job. You convinced her. Proud of you. Call me during your break, I wont take long”
An hour later, after finishing my lunch, I called my aunt who again told me I had don’t a fantastic job of convincing mom. I tried to tell her that she did not need much convincing but she was sure that it was I who had been responsible for mom being interested to look for matches again.
“By the way, she has a matrimonial profile, would you like to have the log in details?”
“No way, I don’t have to get involved in her choice. Let it be free. And if she is happy with someone then so be it. Why should I be a factor. That is childish”
“Ok so be it, still I am asking are there any criteria? Like any specific background, any particular dos and donts.”
“Ha, ha, I am not the one getting married aunty”
“Yes I know but still I thought I should ask..”
“Only one criteria, mom should be happy other than that none”
“Atleast say if you want someone only from our same background like caste or religion or language?”
“My answer is the same, anyone whom maa is happy with is fine for me”
“Ok if so you can take a backseat till she finds someone. At least then will you want to know who it is, I hope. Or will you just come for her wedding like a guest, hahaha?”
“Hahaha, I will get involved once I know she likes someone and well a wedding might be months if not years away so lets take it one thing at a time.”
“True, you are right and sensible too my dear, Sandeep”
“Thank you, aunty, but now I must get back to work”
“Sure dear, by all means. Bye.”
Few weeks went past, and I had an outstation trip to Dehradun for three days. When I was returned, I got a Uber taxi that took me back from the station to my flat in south west of Delhi. In my years in Delhi, it was only for the last three months that I was using Uber and Ola. Before that I had a regular cab driver, Vijay Singh who was my trusted can driver. Anywhere I needed to go and any time of the day or night, I could call him, and he would ensure he was there. His wife had died a few months ago and he was mourning her and stopped his taxi service. Vijay was a Haryanvi who had come to Delhi as a teen in search of jobs. Over the years he learnt to drive, and slowly built a small business of hiring out cabs. He employed two other young men and only drove when it was me or another of his regular customers. Over the years, I knew his family well and used to periodically drop by for a cup of tea. He had two daughters who were in their teens. One was in her 11th standard and the other in 1st year of her degree. When his wife passed away, Vijay told me that his focus was on ensuring his daughters settled well and till then he was going to take a step back from actively running his business. I appreciated his values and told him I was there any time he wanted anything from me. That was our last interaction. It had been months and like with other things as time passed different people and issues came in and I had not called him after that.
As I was lost in these thoughts the uber driver announced to me that we had reached our destination. I got out and made my way to my flat. Mom opened it with a smile and asked me if would like to have some tea and biscuits. I nodded and she told me to go and have a bath and come back. While having tea, mom casually mentioned that she was checking her matrimonial profile nowadays and she was getting a few interests. I just nodded and replied that was good. Mom was disappointed and got up and went to the kitchen. I followed her and she avoided me when I entered the kitchen
“Now what happened?”
“Nothing”
“Then why are you upset!”
“I am telling you something and you have no interest to even ask me any details”
“Huh, I said it was good right”
“Is that the way to talk in these issues?”
“Oh maa, what did you expect say it”
“I was expecting some interest, that you will ask about who sent me an interest, who I am talking to, all that. This is as if I am some stranger to you”
“No, no. Not at all. Let me explain.”
By then I could see moms eyes were red and tears were welling up.”
“Oh no look maa I am sorry at least hear me out. See I know your sense of judgement and so I am confident whoever it is you choose it will be the best person. If I say this and that, it will only confuse you. You are the best maa, I know it will be good”
“Oh, you feel like that? Is that the reason for your non-involvement?”
“Of course, and find someone nice so I also have a father figure at home”
By now mom’s face had changed and she was listening to me patiently.
“But why don’t you at least have a look at people who are sending me interests?
“Ok fine, can you give me your user id and password, or you can forward the profiles to my email id. That would be better”
“Ok, I will forward but you must check and tell me your opinion”
“I will, promise”
That ended our conversation on the topic for almost a week.
A little over a week after this conversation, I began receiving forwards and I would glance over it and give generic comments on the profile when I reached home. It was almost a month later that mom sent me a profile with some comments.
Seems to be a real gentleman. Has two daughters but is a north Indian? What do you feel? Should I even go ahead or reject it?
I quickly replied to the email.
“I don’t think you should reject without interacting with them for sometime. If you like the person then nothing else really matters. I am with you in whatever is your choice.”
When I reached home, mom smiled at me and had made me my favourite poori bhaji.
“I am talking to the person you said to go ahead ok”
“Good, maa. I am happy.”
“He is from Delhi…he is a widower and has a business, he has two daughters and is looking for someone who is going to also be a mother for them.”
“Ok, what do you feel about that?”
“Well, I spoke to the girls”
“Oh really, so soon?
“Hmmm, just a five-minute chat that’s all”
“Ok and?”
“Nothing much they seemed sweet; their mom died not long ago and they are keen to find a match for their father. They also asked if you would like to be their bhaiyya.”
“Well, wow so soon?”
“Really innocent girls Sandeep, they were talking as if the marriage was arranged already.”
We both laughed and it appeared to me that there was more mom wanted to say.
“Would you like to meet him first?”
“Mom, we have gone through this many times. You should meet him if need be at some common place. Like a café coffee day or Barista just talk may be once or twice and then if you really are interested we will meet him together.”
“Ok atleast have a look at the profile his picture is there, but it is password protected. I will email you the password.”
“Done”
With that we went to our rooms. Moms’ bedroom light was on when I came to the kitchen drink water after an hour, but I did not think much about it and went back to sleep.
A week later, I was in Jaipur when I got a text from Mom.
“He is asking if we can meet? What do I do?”
After a few minutes, I replied, “Meet him at a common place”
“Where?”
“There is a Barista coffee shop not very far from our home. We have gone there once. Do you remember?”
“Yes. There?”
“Yes, if you know to find your way. Try booking a Uber if need be”
“No I can find my way there”
“All the best”
“For?”
“Well for your date maa ”
“It’s not a date. I am just meeting him.”
“Okay all the best for your meeting”
“Thanks”
I was wondering if I should call Vijay Singh my previous driver and ask him to drop maa at the Barista coffee shop and bring her back. But there was no contact with him for months and it did not seem sensible to try his number now. Work kept me busy for the next four days in Jaipur. When I returned, mom volunteered information that their first meeting or date as I called, I went well. He was indeed a nice guy and had asked if they can meet again. This was indeed a different feeling. I was approving my mom’s choices in a way instead of the reverse. I told her to go ahead and to let me know if, she is sure. Then we could meet them together and see how to progress things. In response to my suggestion mom gave me a tight hug and a kiss on my cheek.
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