10-10-2019, 11:07 AM
PART ONE
Maira naam Nadira Khalid hai. Mairi umar 38 saal hai aur mein shaadi-shuda aur do baitiyon ki ma’an hoon. Mairi barri baiti 12 saal ki hai jabkay cchoti ki umar 10 saal hai. Dono Murree kay aik mashoor boarding college mein zair-e-taaleem hain. Mein apnay shohar Khalid kay saath .,abad mein rehti hoon. Mairay paanch bhai aur teen behnain hain. Apni behno mein maira number teesra hai.
Mein apni tareef karna pasand nahi karti magar ye bhi kucch ghalat nahi hai kay dunya humaisha say mujhay aik dil-aawaiz aur haseen aurat samajhti aai hai. Hum chaaron hi behnain acchi shakal-o-soorat ki hain. Mairi barri behnain Nilofar aur Khadija aur ccohti behan Shehnaz bhi barri khush-shakal aur jaazib-e-nazar auratain hain. Apni behno ki tarah 12/13 saal ki umar say hi mujhay khaandaan ki khawateen khoobsoorat kehnay lagi theen. Jab barri boorhiyan hanstay huay halki awaaz mein baatain karti hain to larrkiyaan samajh jaati hain kay kis ka tazkira ho raha hai aur kis waja say ho raha hai. Maira to gharaana bhi kaafi modern aur roshan-khayaal tha iss laiy aisi baatain mairay kaano tak aasaani say puhanch jaaya karti theen.
Qudrat nay har aurat ko doosri say mukhtalif hi paida kiya hai magar sagi behnon mein kisi had tak mushaabihat hona koi ajeeb baat nahi hai. Mairay chehray aur qad-o-qaamat ko daikh kar aasaani say kaha ja sakta hai kay mein Baji Nilofar aur Baji Khadija ki sagi behan hoon. Apni cchoti behan Shehnaz say albata mein itna ziyaada nahi milti kiyonkay uss kay naqoosh bhi thorray mukhtalif hain aur qad bhi humaaray muqaablay mein kaafi cchota hai.
Mein apnay larrakpan aur jawaani mein koi buhat romantic mizaaj ki larrki nahi thi. Shayad mairi tabiyat hi kucch ziyaada aashiqaana nahi hai. Uss waqt mujhay Mills and Boon kay roomaani novel parrhnay ka shoq zaroor tha magar mein doosri larrkiyon ki tarah aisay novels parrh kar kabhi khwaabon ki dunya mein gum nahi hui. Mein nay kabhi nahi soccha kay safaid ghorray par sawaar koi shehzaada kaheen say aa’iy ga aur mujhay apnay saath paryon kay dais lay ja’aiy ga jahaan mein saari zindagi aiash karoon gi. Mujhay larrkon mein dilchaspi thi laikin siraf daikhnay ki had tak aur siraf itni hi jitni kisi bhi nojawaan larrki ko ho sakti hai. Haan mein ye zaroor soccha karti thi kay mairi shaadi kab ho gi aur kis say ho gi.
Uss zamaanay mein kai sar-phiron nay mujh par doray daalnay ki koshish ki magar mein nay unki taraf koi dhiyaan nahi diya. Kucch ye bhi tha kay kabhi kisi nay mujh say itna qareeb honay ki koshish hi nahi ki kay mujhay haan ya na ki soorat mein koi rad-e-amal zaahir karna parrta. Jab mairi aam si shakal-o-soorat waali sahailyon ko larrkay khat likh likh kar bhaijtay to mujhay hairat hoti kay mairay saath kabhi aisa kiyon nahi hota. Mein un say kaheen ziyaada khoobsoorat aur lambi chorri thi magar phir bhi kisi nay kabhi khul kar mujh say izhaar-e-muhbbat nahi kiya. Iss mein shayad mairi apni shakhsiyat ka qasoor bhi raha ho ga jo khoobsurat honay kay bawajood na to kabhi kisi nay mujhay apni laila banaanay ki koshish ki aur na hi kabhi koi maira majnoo bana. Zindagi kisi aisay haadsay kay baghair hi guzarti rahi.
Jawaani kay shuru kay dino mein har larrki ki tarah mujhay bhi sex kay baaray mein barra tajassus tha aur mein jaanna chaahti thi kay ye aakhir hai kiya bala jis ki waja say saari dunya paagal hui phirti hai. Menses shuru honay kay baad mein apnay badan mein honay waali wazeh tabdeeliyon par ghor kiya karti thi. Mujhay apna badan andar say bhi aur baahar say bhi barra mukhtalif mehsoos honay laga tha. Jab mein bathroom mein nahaati to mairay haath khud-ba-khud apnay mammon aur choot par taiz taiz harkat karnay lagtay thay. Tub mujhay barri ajeeb qisam ki lazzat ka ehsaas hota tha aur jab ye lazzat buhat ziyaada barrhnay lagti to mein ghabra jaati thi. Mairi choot kay bilkul oopar ka hissa aur mammon kay nipple khaas tor par barray hassas maqamaat ban ga'aiy thay aur unhay haath lagaanay say mujhay humaisha kucch honay lagta tha.
Aik din Baji Nilofar ki kisi sahaili nay unhay aik risaala diya jis mein mardon aur auraton ki nangi tasweerain theen. Wo ye risaala apni college ki kitaabon mein cchupa kar ghar lay aaeen aur hum teeno behnain cchup kar ussay daikhnay lageen. Uss mein mard aur aurat kay sex karnay ki tasweerain to nahi theen magar aisi tasweerain zaroor theen jin mein mardon kay akrray huay lund ko barray qareeb say dikhaaya gaya tha. Humain aisi haalat mein lund daikhna barra accha laga. Mujhay aaj bhi mard ka danday ki tarah seedha kharra hua lund buhat garam kar daita hai. Mein khaas tor par kharray huay lund kay topay ko buhat pasand karti hoon aur maira dil chaahta hai kay mein ussay haath mein lay kar mehsoos karti rahoon. Uss waqt bhi mujhay lund choosnay ka buhat shoq tha aur ab bhi hai magar mein nay ye baat kabhi kisi ko nahi batai. Har aurat ki koi na koi sexual fantasy zaroor hoti hai aur mairi sab say barri sexual fantasy hi kisi akrray huay motay lund par iss tarah aagay peechay haath phairna aur ussay choosna hai kay wo khalaas ho ja'aiy aur barri taiz-raftaari say manni baahar phainknay lagay. Ye doosri baat hai kay mein zindagi mein kabhi koi lund nahi choos saki.
Uss zamaanay mein kabhi kabhaar mein ultay seedhay khwaab bhi daikha karti thi jin mein koi mard mujhay chod raha hota tha. Neend mein hi mujhay ehsaas hota kay mein apnay pait kay andar kay kisi hissay ko zor zor say daba rahi hoon. Laikin mein ye nahi bata sakti thi wo mairay badan ka kon sa hissa tha. Zindagi mein pehli dafa mein issi tarah neend ki haalat mein khalaas hui thi aur jab mairi aankh khuli to mairi choot andar say buhat ziyaada geeli thi. Wo raat mujhay aaj tak yaad hai. Laikin in sab baaton kay bawajood mein sex ki koi buhat ziyaada deewaani nahi thi.
Jab mein 25 baras ki umar ko puhanchi to mairi shaadi kar di gai. Mairay shohar Khalid barray khush-shakal, khush-posh aur intahai parrhay likhay insaan hain. Unho nay America ki aik mashoor university say Business Administration mein degree haasil kar rakhi hai aur aik barri multi-national firm mein kaam kartay hain. Unho nay aik shaadi mein mujhay daikha tha aur phir do maheenay kay andar andar mujhay biyaah kar apnay ghar lay aa’aiy. Yon mairi zindagi ka aik naya baab shuru hua.
Suhaag raat ko mein nay pehli dafa choot marwai aur tub hi mujhay pata chala kay apni choot kay andar lund lay kar khalaas honay ka lutf kiya hota hai. Kisi aurat kay liay dunya kay kisi aur kaam mein itna maza nahi hai jitna apni choot daitay huay poori tarah say khalaas honay mein hai. Ye ajeeb hi maza hai jo har dafa aurat mehsoos karti hai aur har dafa ussay naya lagta hai. Qudrat nay mardon kay muqaablay mein auraton ko ye buhat barra tuhfa ata kiya hai kay wo aik dafa kay chudwaanay mein hi kai baar khalaas ho sakti hain.
Apnay buhat lambay qad aur sehatmand badan kay bawajood mairi choot kaafi cchoti hai jis ki waja say uss raat mujhay lund apnay andar laitay huay buhat taqleef bhi hui. Issi liay Khalid nay mujhay aglay kai din tak nahi choda jis ka mujhay afsos bhi hua. Wo niyahat shareef, suljhay huay aur muhabbat karnay waalay shohar hain aur mein apni azdawaaji zindagi say buhat khush aur mutma’in hoon. Buhat si doosri biwiyon kay bar-aks mairay dil say humaisha apnay shohar kay liay dua hi nikalti hai.
Shaadi kay baad mujhay jald hi andaaza ho gaya kay mein har dafa choot daitay huay khalaas nahi hoti. Agar mein das baar sex karti to siraf teen ya chaar baar hi khalaas hoti thi. Baaz auqaat mujhay iss soorat-e-haal par ghussa bhi aa jaata tha magar mein nay iss baaray mein Khalid say kabhi kucch nahi kaha. Unho nay bhi iss silsilay mein mujh say kabhi koi sawaal nahi kiya kay jab wo mujhay chodtay hain to mein khalaas hoti hoon ya nahi aur agar hoti bhi hoon to kitni dafa. Baad kay saalon mein ye routine ban gaya aur mujhay khalaas na honay say jo maayoosi hua karti thi wo bhi taqreeban khatam ho gai. Mein khalaas honay kay baghair hi chudwaanay ka maza lay liya karti thi. Kabhi kabhi mein Khalid ka dil rakhnay kay liay khalaas honay ki adakaari bhi karti thi ta kay unhay pata na chalay kay wo mujhay khalaas nahi kar pa rahay.
Agarchay mein kum hi khalaas hoti hoon laikin jab bhi aisa ho bed par mairi ucchal kood kucch ziyaada hi bay-sharmi waali hoti hai. Khalaas hotay huay mujhay apnay badan par bilkul qaaboo nahi rehta hai. Issi tarah uss waqt mairay munh say taiz cheekhain aur ajeeb-o-ghareeb awaazaian nikalti hain jis par mujhay barri sharmindgi hoti hai. Laikin agli dafa khalaas hotay huay phir aisa hi karti hoon. Issi liay mairi baityaan chuttiyon mein ghar aai hon to Khalid mujhay chodnay say guraiz kartay hain kay kaheen khalaas hotay huay mairi cheekhain unkay kamray tak na puhanch ja'ayain. Mein jaanti hoon kay mairi harkaton ko Khalid aaj tak apnay lund ka kamaal samjhtay rahay hain. Wo socchtay hain kay mein poori tarah satisfy ho rahi hoon to itna shor macha rahi hoon na warna aisa kiyon karoon. Mein nay bhi kabhi unhay ye bataanay ki koshish nahi ki kay aisa nahi hai. Mujhay aisa karnay ki zaroorat hi kiya hai. Unho nay bhi kabhi iss baat par ghor nahi kiya kay aakhir mein har dafa sex kartay huay aisa kiyon nahi karti.
Phir mein dunya ki waahid aurat nahi hoon jis kay saath aisa hota hai. Aur bhi buhat si hain. Mairay badan kay kucch hissay aisay hain jinhay agar stimulate kiya ja’aiy ya masla ja’aiy to mein zaroor khalaas hoti hoon. In mein clitoris, mammay aur gand ka soraakh sab say ziyaada hassaas hain. Laikin mairay liay ye barra mushkil hai kay mein sex kay doraan Khalid say kahoon kay wo mairay badan kay in hisson par tawajo dain. Mein unka itna ehteraam karti hoon kay mein nay iss baaray mein unhay kucch keh kar kabhi paraishaan ya sharminda karnay ki koshish nahi ki. Waisay bhi mairay kum khalaas honay mein unka kiya qasoor hai. Waqt kay saath saath unki sex karnay ki khaahish kum hoti gai laikin phir bhi wo das baara din baad mujhay zaroor chodtay hain. Mairay liay yehi kaafi hai.
Humaaray haan to waisay bhi buhat kum shaadiyaan aisi hoti hain jis mein aurat sex kay doraan wo sab kucch kar sakti hai jo wo karna chaahti hai. Iss maamlay mein auraton ko kai qisam kay khof hotay hain. Mairay shohar buhat acchay insaan hain laikin mein phir bhi darti hoon kay agar mein nay chudwaatay huay un say koi mutaalba kiya to wo kaheen mujhay bud-kirdaar na samjhna shuru kar dain ya apnay aap mein koi kami na mehsoos karain. Mard apni mardaangi kay baaray mein zaroorat say ziyaada hasaas hotay hain iss liay khaamosh rehna hi behtar hai. Yehi waja hai kay bed par Khalid jo chaahtay hain mein chup chaap karti jaati hoon aur apni khaahishaat ka izhaar kabhi nahi karti.
Mein phir kahoon gi kay mujhay apnay baaray mein iss tarah ki baatain karna accha nahi lagta magar iss kahaani ko mukamal background kay saath bayaan karnay kay liay aisa karna zaroori hai. Mujhay jaannay waalay kehtay hain kay shaadi kay 13 saal baad bhi maira husn bilkul maand nahi parra. Dono barri behno say shabaahat kay bawajood majmooi tor par mairay chehray ko munfarid kaha ja sakta hai. Mairi aankhain barri barri aur kaali siyaah hain, naak oonchi, hont turshay huay aur gaal bharay bharay hain. Maira chehra zara lamba hai aur shayad yehi baat mujhay apni behno say alag karti hai jin kay chehray thorray say gol hain. Mujhay apnay baal buhat pasand hain jo buhat ghanay, raishmi, motay, siaah aur kandhon say kaafi neechay tak lambay hain.
Maira badan jawaani kay ibtidai dino say hi thos, bhaari aur mazboot hai. Mairi dost khawateen hansti hain kay mairay badan ka har wo hissa jissay barra hona chaahiay barra hi hai maslan qad, aankhain, mammay aur gand. Wo ye bhi kehti hain kay mujhay daikh kar sab say pehlay yehi khayaal aata hai kay mairi aankhain, mammay aur gand aam auraton say ziyaada motay hain. Ye sahi bhi hai kiyonkay mairi koi sahaili bhi mairay jitni lambi chorri nahi hai. Apnay khaandaan say baahar mein nay kum hi mardon aur aurton ko daikha hai jo mairay jitnay lambay hon. Jab mein college aur University mein parrhti thi tub bhi aisa hi tha aur aaj bhi aisa hi hai.
Maira lamba qad bhi yaqeenan mairay mammon aur chootarron kay barray size ko aur ziyaada logon ki nazron mein laata hai. Mazboot aur bhaari honay kay bawajood maira badan bilkul bay-dol aur dheela nahi hai. Apni dono baitiyon ki paida’ish kay baad mujhay khadsha tha kay maira pait nikal aa’aiy ga aur issi liay mein nay apni doctors kay mashwaray say humaisha pait ki exercises keen aur apnay pait ko thorra sa bhi nikalnay nahi diya. Mein ab bhi regularly pait ki warzishain karti hoon. Ye shayad apnay aap ko fit rakhnay kay hawaalay say mairi sab say barri kaamyaabi hai.
Auraton kay jisam par waisay bhi mardon kay muqaablay mein kaheen ziyaada charbi hoti hai aur agar ye charbi unkay jisam mein munaasib andaaz mein aur munaasib maqamaat par taqseem ho to shayad bhaari bharkam hotay huay bhi wo buri nahi lagteen. Ye sab qudrat ki taraf say hota hai. Maira badan bhi kucch aisa hi hai aur agarchay mairay mammay, kandhay, bazoo, chootarr aur raanain itnay motay hain magar mujhay phir bhi koi mota nahi keh sakta. Mein lambi chorri, tagrri aur tandurast-o-tawaana hoon laikin phusphusi aur moti nahi. Ye aur baat hai kay mein khud apnay badan ki saakht ko pasand nahi karti aur maira humaisha say yehi khayaal hai kay agar mairay mammay aur chootarr thorray cchotay hotay to ziyaada accha hota.
Mairay mammay seenay par kaafi oonchay hain aur phoolay huay nazar aatay hain. Mairay nipples bhi buhat lambay aur motay motay hain. Mein ziyaada dair tak brassiere pehnay rahoon to mairay nipples mein halka halka dard shuru ho jaata hai aur mujhay ghantay do ghantay kay liay brassiere utaar kar apnay mammon ko khula rakhna parrta hai. Agar mairay nipple brassiere kay andar ghalat zaawiyay say dabay huay hoon tub bhi mujhay taqleef hoti hai. Aisi soorat mein mein apnay garaibaan mein haath daal kar mammon ko brassiere mein theek karti rehti hoon. Ye apni jagah aik masla hai kiyonkay kisi kay saamnay to aisa kiya nahi ja sakta. Mein ya to apnay akailay honay ka intizaar karti hoon ya bathroom chali jaati hoon. Mairay bazoo bhi gol aur motay hain aur bazo’oon kay darmiyaan mairay mammon kay dono ubhaar khud mujhay thorra sa bhi neechay daikhnay par baahar niklay huay nazar aatay rehtay hain. Mein sar jhukaoon to mujhay apnay pa’oon nazar nahi aatay kiyonkay mairay mammay saamnay hotay hain. Pata nahi aur auraton kay saath aisa hota hai ya nahi laikin mairay saath to humaisha say yehi hai.
Mairay mammay 12/13 saal ki umar mein hi buhat taizi say barrhnay shuru ho ga’aiy thay. Phir 18/19 baras ki umar tak puhanchtay puhanchtay mein apnay motay aur bay-qaaboo mammon ko sambhaalnay kay liay acchay khaasay barray size ka brassiere pehannay lagi thi. Mairay liay to brassiere ko theek tareeqay say apny mammon par fit kar kay pehanna bhi aik masla hota tha. Naram kaprray ka brassiere pehanti to mairay mammon ka hilna band nahi hota tha aur agar sakht material say bana hua brassiere istimaal karti to bay-chaini aur bay-aaraami hoti. Baji Nilofar, Baji Khadija ka bhi yehi haal tha aur unkay mammay bhi issi raftaar say soojtay ja rahay thay. Kucch arsay baad Shehnaz bhi issi tajarbay say guzri.
Choonkay hum sab behnon kay mammay motay hi thay iss liay uss waqt mujhay apnay mammon ka mota aur barra hona ziyaada paraishaan nahi karta tha. Mairi cchothi behan Shehnaz mujh say 7 saal cchoti hai aur uss waqt apni kum-umri ki waja say motay mammay uss ka masla nahi thay. Laikin Baji Nilofar, Baji Khadija aur mein mazaaq mazaaq mein apnay bharrtay huay mammon ka muqaabla kiya karti theen. Issi tarah hum aik doosray kay mammon ko tatol tatol kar aur daba daba kar bhi daikha kartay thay kay kis kay mammay ziyaada barray aur bhaari hain. Hum teeno mein apnay nipples ki motai aur lambai ka muqaabla bhi hua karta tha. Humaari sab say ziyaada waahiyaat harkat ye hoti thay kay hum aik doosray kay nipples ko chutkiyon mein pakarr pakarr kar daikhtay thay kay kis kay nipple jaldi akarrtay hain. Ajeeb bay-fikri ka zamaana tha.
Baji Khadija buhat shokh hua karti theen aur kai dafa unho nay kappray badaltay huay mairay nangay mammon ko haath mein pakrr kar bhi masla tha. Baji Nilofar unhay aisa karnay say mana karti theen laikin jab wo baaz nahi aati theen to Baji Nilofar khud unkay mammon ko pakarr liya karti theen. Phir to jaisay qayaamat aa jaati thi aur hum teeno aik doosray kay mammay pakarr pakarr kar khaincha kartay thay. Humain apnay mammon par aik doosray kay haathon ka lams barra accha lagta tha. Issi qisam ki ehmaqaana harkaton ki waja say hum teeno kay kai brassiere phat ga’aiy aur istimaal kay qaabil nahi rahay.
Larrkiyon ki aik buhat barri aksariyat kay mammay 18/19 saal ki umar mein barrhna band ho jaatay hain aur iss kay baad unkay size mein thorra buhat hi farq parrta hai. Aisa mammon ki waja say nahi hota balkay jab pooray jisam ka wazan barrhta hai to mammay bhi bhaari ho jaatay hain. Laikin chand aisi auratain bhi hoti hain jin kay mammay baad mein bhi bharrhtay rehtay hain. Mein aur mairi behnain bhi aisi hi hain. Umar kay saath saath humaara wazan bhi barrhta raha aur mammay bhi mazeed motay hotay ga’aiy. Mein to tub apnay mammon say bay-zaar hona shuru hui jab har do teen saal kay baad mujhay apnay brassiere ka size tabdeel kar kay barray size ka brassiere laina parrta tha.
Shaadi kay pehlay saal jab mein apnay shohar kay saath America gai aur wahaan aik store say apnay liay brassiere khareeda to mujhay pata chala kay mairay mammon ka size 36HH hai. Phir dono baitiyon ki paidaish kay chand saal kay andar andar mairay mammay aur bhi barray ho ga’aiy aur unka size 40HH tak ja puhancha. Iss mein 40 kamar aur mammon kay neechay waalay hissay ka size hai jabkay HH mammon ki motai aur golai ka size hai. Jo khawateen brassiere kay sizes say waaqif hain wo jaanti hain kay 40HH mammay buhat barray aur motay hotay hain. Haan ye zaroor hai kay mairay ghair-maamooli lambay qad ki waja say mairay mammay daikhnay waalon ko koi buhat ziyaada barray nazar nahi aatay kiyonkay maira poora badan hi barra hai. Oonchay aur tthos honay ki waja say mairay bhaari mammay kabhi kabhi mairi kamar mein dard bhi paida kar daitay hain jo kai kai din tak mujhay paraishaan rakhta hai. Laikin ab to mujhay iss ki bhi aadat ho gai hai.
Picchlay tees baras kay tajarbay ko saamnay rakhtay huay mein apnay baaray mein yaqeen say nahi keh sakti kay mustaqbil mein mairay mammon ka size mazeed barrhay ga ya nahi. Phir bhi mujhay lagta hai kay ab mairay mammay issi size kay rahain gay kiyonkay Baji Nilofar jo mujh say teen saal barri hain unkay mammay bhi kum-o-baish mairay jitnay hi motay hain. Baji Khadija kay baaray mein to mein jaanti hoon kay wo mairay hi size ka brassiere pahenti hain. Iss liay ho sakta hai maira size bhi un dono jitna hi rahay. Agar aisa hi hua to mairay liay ye baat bhi itminaan ka ba’ais ho gi.
Apnay badan par mammon kay wazan ko thorra kum karnay kay liay mein nay kai dafa soccha kay America mein Breast Reduction surgery kay zarye apnay mammon ka size kucch kum karwa loon. Aisa aasaani say kiya ja sakta hai aur ye koi buhat ziyaada taqleef-day operation nahi hai. Mein shayad aisa kar bhi laiti laikin Baji Nilofar aur Baji Khadija nay mujhay sakhti say mana kar diya. Unka kehna tha kay humaari tarah ki itnay motay motay mammon waali auratain buhat thorri hoti hain aur jab humain qudrat nay ye naimat day rakhi hai to hum kufraan-e-naimat kiyon karain. Mein nay unki baat maan li kiyonkay agar wo dono apnay motay mammon par fakhar karti theen to mein apnay aap ko un say alag kar kay kamtar kiyon saabit karti. Kiya pata baad mein mujhay iss baat ka afsos hota. Phir iss haqeeqat say bhi to inkaar nahi kiya ja sakta kay mammay aurat ki niswaanyat ki sab barri shanaakht hain aur agar qudrat nay mujhay ye shanaakht ata kar rakhi hai to mein issay kiyon khatam karoon.
Mairay chootarr bhi waqt kay saath saath buhat motay aur chorray ho gaiy hain. Waisay to mairi gand mammon ki tarah buhat jawaani say hi bhaari thi aur mairi bay-takalluf sahailiyaan mairay hiltay huay motay motay chootarron kay baaray mein barray ganday ganday mazaaq kiya karti theen jaisay maira khawind mairi gand maara karay ga ya mairay paas lund lainay kay liay aik say ziyaada soraakh hain. Mein unhay kehti thi kay gand bhi koi maarnay ki cheez hai. Aisa hua bhi nahi kiyonkay Khalid fitratan barray seedhay insaan hain aur sex bhi barray seedhay saadhay tareeqay say hi karaty hain. Unho nay kabhi mairi gand nahi maari aur na hi kabhi mujh say iss baaray mein koi baat ki. Mein nay bhi ye kabhi soccha nahi kay agar wo aisa karain to mein kiya mehsoos karoon gi.
Jab mairi pehli baiti ki paidaish hui to mairay chootarr aur bhi taizi say motay honay shuru ho ga’aiy. Iss kay baad to mairay chootarron ka size har guzartay saal kay saath barrhta hi raha. Iss waqt mairay chootarr 43 inch kay hain jinhay kam-az-kam mein to ye bilkul pasand nahi karti. Kon itni moti aur bhaari gand ka bojh har waqt utha’aiy utha’aiy phiray. Log kehtay hain kay aurat ki khoobsurti uss kay mammon aur gand mein hoti hai aur mein to iss maamlay mein kucch ziyaada hi khud-kafeel hoon.
Iss waqt mairay badan ki bilkul sahi paima’ish 40HH-36-43 hai yaani 40HH mammay, 36 inch kamar aur 43 inch chootarr. Mein apnay aap ko slim karnay ki koshishain apni doosri baiti ki paidaish kay baad say yaani 28 baras ki umar say kar rahi hoon. Laikin har tarah ka jatan kar lainay kay bawajood siwaiy pait kay mein apnay badan mein aik inch ka farq nahi la saki. Tung aa kar mein aik Weight Loss expert kay paas gai to uss nay kaha kay mairi haddiyaan barri barri aur chorri hain jo mujhay apnay waaldain say wiraasat mein mili hain aur mein iss waja say kabhi bhi buhat dubli nahi ho sakti. Mein nay iss liay dubla honay ka khayaal hi dil say nikaal diya.
Mein siraf apnay liay dubla nahi hona chaahti thi. Mujhay ilam tha kay mairay shohar ko slim aur smart aurtain pasand hain iss liay unhay khush rakhnay kay liay mein nay humaisha yehi koshish ki kay mein agar buhat ziyaada dubli na bhi hon sakoon to kam-az-kam kucch had tak apna wazan kum zaroor kar loon. Laikin bud-qismati say mein ye bhi nahi kar pai. Wo ab 46 saal kay ho chukay hain aur kabhi mujhay chodtay huay khalaas kar dain to unkay liay mairay lambay chorray badan ko sambhaalna mushkil ho jaata hai. Unki saans phoolnay lagti hai aur wo buhat jald thak jaatay hain. Mein aksar unhay kehti hoon kay unhay mairay jaisi lambi chorri mustandi kay baja’aiy kisi halki phulki larrki say shaadi karna chaahiay thi. Wo bhalay maanas hain hans daitay hain aur kehtay hain kay tum bilkul moti nahi ho bas waqt kay saath saath tumhaara badan ziyaada gudaaz ho gaya hai laikin hai to pathar ki tarah sakht. Tumhay pata hona chaahiay kay tumhaaray jasaiy qad kaath aur mazboot badan ki auratain kitni kam hain. Mein kehti hoon kay moti na sahi laikin mustandi to phir bhi hoon. Wo jawaab daitay hain kay tumhay ghalat-fehmi hai apnay jisam kay baaray mein insecure hona chorr do. Log to tumhay mairay saath daikh kar mairi khush-qismati par rashk kartay hain.
Waisay mairay motay mammay aur bhaari chootarr yahaan bhi aur mulk say baahar bhi mardon ki tawajo ka markaz banay rehtay hain. Mein ye iss liay jaanti hoon kay auraton say mardon ki gandi nazrain kabhi nahi cchupteen aur wo saat pardon mein bhi jaan laiti hain kay koi mard unhay hawas-naak nazron say daikh raha hai. Mujhay oopar say neechay daikhnay waalay aksar mardon ki aankhon mein bhi agarchay mairay chehray kay liay pasandeedgi hoti hai magar iss say bhi ziyaada wo mujhay chodnay kay shoq mein mubtala nazar aatay hain. Kucch to aisay bhi hotay hain jin ka bas nahi chalta warna sar-e-aam hi mairay mammon ko choosna shuru kar dain. Mardon ka yehi to masla hai kay har aurat unkay liay siraf mammon, choot aur gand ka majmooa hai iss say ziyaada kucch nahi. Wo samjhtay hain kay aurat ko siraf iss liay paida kiya gaya hai kay wo unka lund apni choot mein lay aur uss par cchalaangain laga kar unhay paanch cchaiy minute kay liay khush kar day.
Mein ye to nahi kahoon gi kay mujhay apnay aap ko mardon ka ghoorna bura lagta hai kiyonkay koi bhi aurat jab kisi mard ki nigaahon mein apnay liay pasandeedgi daikhti hai to ussay accha hi lagta hai. Laikin iss kay bawajood mein nay iss maamlay mein kabhi bhi kisi ki koi hosla-afzaai nahi ki. Ab to shayad waqt bhi nahi hai aisa kucch karnay ka. Jab 20/25 saal ki umar mein kucch nahi kiya to 38 baras mein kaisay kar sakti hoon. Shaadi kay baad to waisay bhi mairi zindagi mein siraf aur siraf mairay shohar hi rahay hain. Mujhay shaadi kay pehlay din hi un say muhabbat ho gai thi aur martay dam tak aisa hi rahay ga. Mein unkay alaawa kisi aur say mail mulaqaat ka bhi nahi socch sakti to kisi aur ka lund apnay andar kaisay lay sakti thi.
Buhat arsay tak mein iss baat par qaayum rahi. Laikin phir aik aisa waaqiya hua jis kay baaray mein mein kabhi soch bhi nahi sakti thi.
PART TWO
Aik raat koi saarhay baara bajay kay qareeb Khalid nay mujhay neend say jaga kar bataaya kay unkay pait mein shadeed dard ho raha hai. Dard unki naaf kay aas paas tha aur pait kay da'ayain jaanib barrhta hua mehsoos ho raha tha. Mein nay unhay Buscopan ki goli khilai laikin unka dard kam nahi hua. Waisay bhi mujhay to subah say hi unki tabi'at theek nahi lag rahi thi. Wo lait ga'aiy laikin kucch hi dair baad unho nay ulti kar di jis say mein buhat ghabra gai aur faisla kiya kay unhay foran Hospital lay kar jaana chaahiay. Mein nay soccha kay nokron ka alaawa bhi to mairay saath koi ho to behtar ho ga.
Mein nay apnay sab say barray bhai kay ghar phone kiya jo Pindi mein rehtay thay. Mairay bhatijay Amjad nay phone uthaaya to mein nay usay saari baat batai aur kaha kay wo bhai jan ko lay kar Hospital a’aiy. Uss nay mujh say Hospital ka naam poocha aur kaha kay mein Khalid kay saath Hospital puhanchoon wo Bhai jan ko lay kar waheen aa raha hai. Uss nay mujhay ye bhi kaha kay Phupi Nadira aap paraishaan na hoon sab theek ho ja’aiy ga. Uss ki iss baat say mairi barri himmat bandhi.
Mein apnay driver kay humraah Hospital ki Emergency puhanchi. Kucch hi dair mein Bhai jan aur Amjad wahaan aa ga’aiy. Mein nay unhay bataaya kay Khalid kay mukhtalif tests kiay ja rahay hain aur uss kay baad hi kucch pata chal sakay ga. Mein buhat bokhlai hui thi aur ye daikh kar un dono nay mujhay barra dalaasa diya. Issi tension ki haalat mein hum teeno Khalid kay tests kay results ka intizaar karnay lagay.
Kucch dair baad aik doctor nay humain bataaya kay Khalid kay appendex mein infection ho gaya hai laikin wo phata nahi hai aur ussay operation kay zarye jisam say nikaalna parray ga. Agar aisa na kiya gaya aur appendex phat gaya to unki jaan kay liay bhi khatra ban sakta hai. Uss nay ye bhi kaha kay iss waqt Khalid ki haalat stable hai aur operation kay baad chand roz mein hi wo behtar ho ja’ain gay. Hum nay ye sun kar sakoon ka saans liya kiyonkay ye koi serious baat nahi thi. Appendex kay operation to roz hi hua kartay hain aur amooman iss say koi masla paida nahi hota.
Khalid ko aik private kamray mein muntaqil kar diya gaya. Amjad nay Bhai jan say kaha kay wo ghar chalay ja’ayain wo khud mairay saath Hospital mein raat kay liay ruk ja’aiy ga. Bhai jan chalay ga’aiy to mein nay iss humdardi par Amjad ka buhat shukriya ada kiya. Uss nay jawaab diya kay iss museebat kay waqt mein wo mujhay akaila to nahi cchorr sakta kiyonkay Khalid ki daikh bhaal kay liay kisi mard ka Hospital mein teharna zaroori hai. Mujhay uss waqt wo buhat zimaydaar aur accha insaan laga.
Mein iss liay bhi uss ki ziyaada shukar-guzaar thi kay maira apni doosri behno ki nisbat Bhai jan kay ghar aana jaana buhat kum tha. Iss ki waja humaaray ta’aluqaat ki kharaabi nahi thi kiyonkay mein siraf unkay haan hi nahi kisi ki taraf bhi ziyaada nahi jaaya karti thi. Maira ghar say nikalna hi kum hota tha. Amjad albata kabhi kabhaar mairay ghar zaroor aa jaaya karta tha aur mujh say kisi na kisi khaanay ki farmaish karta. Bhai jan say ziyaada to mein Amjad say mila karti thi. Shayad issi liay mairay phone kay baad uss nay Hospital aanay mein aik munute ki bhi dair nahi lagai thi aur ab maray saath wahaan ruk bhi raha tha.
Private kamra buhat accha tha jis mein television, telephone, refrigerator aur aik sofa-cum-bed mojood thay. Khalid ko dard mein afaaqay kay liay koi dawa di gai thi jis ki waja say wo jald hi aaraam say so ga’aiy. Mein nay aur Amjad nay wo raat kursiyon par baithay baithay hi guzaar di. Aglay din bila-taakheer Khalid ka operation kar diya gaya. Unho nay mazeed teen ya chaar din hospital mein rehna tha. Unka operation barra kaamyaab raha tha aur doctors ka khayaal tha kay wo chaar say cchay haftay mein bilkul theek ho ja’ayian gay. Hosh mein aanay kay baad un par agarchay neend ka ghalba rehta tha laikin ab wo buhat behtar mehsoos kar rahay thay.
Mein aur Amjad dono ab zehni tanao say nikal aa’aiy thay. Wo na siraf Khalid ki daikh bhaal kar raha tha balkay maira bhi buhat khayaal rakh raha tha. Kabhi baahar say mairay liay ice cream lay kar aa jaata kabhi juice aur kabhi coke kay tin. Mairay buhat mana karnay par bhi wo baaz nahi aaya aur mujhay baar baar khianch kar Hospital ki cafeteria mein lay jaata aur kehta kay Phupi Nadira ab Uncle Khalid theek hain aap bhi relax ho ja’ain, kha’ain peeain, khailain koodain, aiash karain. Agar aap kamzor ho gaeen to aur bhi ziyaada lambi lagain gi. Mein hans parrti to kehta kay ye hui na baat. Mein kamray mein kursi par baithay baithay thak jaati to wo mujhay walk karwaanay kay liay Hospital kay wasee-o-areez lawn mein lay jaata aur zabardasti ice cream khilaatay huay khoob baatain karta rehta. Aik din mein hi aisa lagnay laga tha jaisay wo aur mein humaisha say saath hi rehtay aa’iay hon.
Khalid kay operation waalay hi din shaam ko Hospital kay lawn mein mujhay pehli dafa achanak ye ehsaas hua kay Amjad mujhay baar baar kucch ajeeb aur ghair-maanoos si nazron say daikhta hai. Ye nazrain mairay bhatijay ki nahi theen balkay aik baaligh mard ki theen. Ye aik aisay mard ki nazrain theen jo aurat kay badan say waaqif tha aur jis ki poori tawajo mairay jisam kay mukhtalif hisson par markooz thi. Wo ghair-zaroori tor par mairay qareeb honay ki koshish karta rehta tha. Har aurat ki tarah mairi sixth sense bhi iss maamlay mein buhat taiz hai. Mein nay mehsoos kiya kay wo mairay mammon aur chootarron mein khaas tor say dilchaspi lay raha hai. Uss ki aankhain thorri thorri dair baad mairay mammon say jaisay chipak si jaati theen.
Mairay zehan ko aik jhatka sa laga kay ye kaisay ho sakta hai. Laikin phir mein nay apnay aap ko samjhaaya kay mein bila-waja hi apnay bhatijay kay baaray mein aisi buri baat socch rahi hoon wo kabhi aisa khayaal bhi dil mein nahi la sakta. Saaray mard hi auraton ko aisi nazron say daikhtay hain magar phupi aur bhatija? Ye kis dunya mein hua karta hai? Yaqeenan mein ghalat soch rahi thi. Shayad Khalid ki beemaari nay mujhay paraishaan kar diya tha jis say mairi zehan par bura asar parra tha. Waisay bhi jo mein socch rahi thi wo kisi bhi tor say hona mumkin nahi tha.
Humaaray rishtay kay alaawa mairi aur uss ki umar ka wazeh farq bhi mujhay ye sochnay par majboor kar raha tha kay mein aik buhat barri ghalat-fehmi ya khush-fehmi ka shikaar ho rahi hoon. Wo apni 38-saala phupi mein jo do bacchon ki ma’an thi kiyon dilchaspi laita? Wo jawaan tha aur ussay apni hum-umar larrkiyaan aasaani say mil sakti theen. Uss ki umar moj masti ki thi aur mairay jaisi ghair-dilchasp aur gharailoo qisam ki aurat kay saath uss ka koi jorr nahi banta tha. Jawaan, ghair-shaadi shuda aur chulbuli larrkiyon par bhala wo mujhay kaisay tarjeeh day sakta tha. Mein thorra buhat to jaanti hi thi kay uss ki zindagi mein kai larrkiyaan aa chuki theen aur shayad ab bhi theen. Phir mairi taraf uss ka jhukao samajh mein na aanay waali baat thi. Ye socch kar mein buhat hud tak mutma’in ho gai aur in khadshaat ko apnay zehan say nikaal baahar kiya.
Laikin aglay din kucch aisa hua kay maira shak yaqeen mein badal gaya. Dopehar kay waqt jab Khalid soay huay thay aur mein unkay bed ki chaadar theek kar rahi thi Amjad pata nahi kiyon mairay peechay say guzra aur uss nay apna haath mairay chootarron kay saath ragrra. Mujhay apnay aik chootarr kay oopar uss kay haath ka ba-qaida dabao mehsoos hua. Aisa laga jaisay uss nay mairay chootarron ko ko tatola ho. Kisi bhi aurat kay liay ye mushkil nahi hota kay wo apnay badan par mard ka haath mehsoos karay aur ye na samjhay kay wo haath kiya karna chaahta hai. Jo kucch Amjad nay kiya tha ghalti say nahi ho sakta tha kiyonkay wahaan kaafi jagah thi aur agar wo chaahta to aaraam say mujh say takra’aiy baghair guzar sakta tha.
Hairat ki jagah ab ghussay nay lay li aur maira paara charrhnay laga kay wo apni phupi kay saath aisi gandi harkat kar raha hai. Pata nahi aik acchay bhalay jawaan larrkay ko kiya ho gaya hai jo apnay say kaheen barri umar ki aurat mein iss tarah ki dil-chaspi lay raha hai? Laikin mein ye socch kar chup rahi kay uss nay na siraf Khalid ki beemaari mein maira buhat saath diya tha balkay in chand dino mein maira aur uss ka rishta barra qurbat waala ho gaya tha. Agar mein uss say baat karti bhi to ho sakta tha kay wo saaf mukar jaata aur mujhay kehta kay aap ye kaisi baat kar rahi hain mein nay aisa kucch nahi kiya. Mein kis tarah saabit karti kay jo mein keh rahi hoon wo sahi hai? Iss tarah karnay say maira uss kay saath ta’aluq bhi kharaab hota aur apnay bhai kay saath bhi.
Ye waqt bhi aisa nahi tha kay mein koi hungaama kharra karti aur Khalid ko paraishaan karti. Aur agar ye baat baahar nikalti to khaandaan waalon ko bhi ulti seedhi baatain karnay ka moqa mil jaata. Khaandaanon mein aisi baatain aanan faanan phail jaati hain. Mein aisa kucch nahi karna chaahti thi jis ki waja say koi bhi mujh par hans sakay. Pata nahi aisa karna ghalat tha ya sahi laikin mein nay Amjad ki iss harkat ko bhi nazar-andaaz karnay ki koshish ki aur apnay rawayay say ye zaahir nahi honay diya kay mein uss kay dil kay chor ko jaan gai hoon. Mein bilkul pehlay hi ki tarah behave karti rahi.
Laikin ab mein khamoshi say uss ki harkaat-o-saknaat ko zaroor ba-ghor daikhnay lagi. Waaqai wo nazar bacha kar baar baar mairay mammon ki taraf daikhta tha aur bahaanay bahaanay say mairay qareeb honay ki koshish karta tha. Kamray mein teen chaar nurses ka aana jaana laga rehta tha aur un mein say aik kaafi jawaan aur khush-shakal bhi thi. Mein unkay aanay par Amjad kay rad-e-amal ko daikha karti thi laikin ye ajeeb baat thi kay uss nay kabhi kisi bhi nurse mein bilkul koi dil-chaspi nahi li. Aik taraf to ye tha jabkay doosri taraf mairay saath uss ki mastiyaan musalsal barrhti hi ja rahi theen.
Ussi raat hum walk kay liay lawn mein ga’aiy. Lawn kay kinaaron par lagay huay lamp posts kay zard zard bulb jal rahay thay magar koi buhat ziyaada roshni nahi thi. Amjad nay baaton kay doraan mairi kamar mein haath daal diya aur mairay baazoo kay neechay say mairay ba’ayain mammay ki side par dabao daala. Mein nay ab bhi koi reaction zaahir nahi kiya. Uss nay kaafi dair tak baatain kartay kartay mairay mammay par apna haath rakha rehnay diya. Mairay badan mein bijli si dorr gai. Lagta tha kay ussay mairay mammay kucch ziyaada hi pasand thay aur wo unhay haath lagaanay say apnay aap ko rok nahi pa raha tha. Mein iss tarah dopatta orrha to nahi karti thi magar ab uss say bachnay kay liay mein apnay dopattay kay andar jis had tak apnay mammon ko cchupa sakti thi chupaanay lagi.
Teesray din aik aur barra ajeeb waaqiya hua. Amjad shaam ko nahaanay dhonay kay liay apnay ghar chala gaya aur raat ko kaafi late waapas aaya. Khalid uss waqt tak so chukay thay. Jab wo kamray mein daakhil hua to uss nay Khalid ki taraf daikha aur muskuraatay huay barray normal andaaz mein mujh say galay mila. Laikin galay miltay miltay uss nay apna aik haath mairay dopattay kay neechay kiya aur barri bay-khofi say maira aik mamma apnay haath mein pakarr liya. Ye mehaz haath lagaana nahi tha balkay uss nay mairay pooray mammay ko haath mein lay rakha tha. Mujh say galay milnay kay chand seconds kay doraan uss nay maira mamma apnay haath mein hi rakha aur phir mujh say alag hotay huay brassiere kay ooapr hi say ussay halka sa dabaaya. Mein to uss ki deeda-dalairi pay hairat-zada hi reh gai. Mein apnay beemaar shohar kay saamnay ussay kucch keh kar koi talkhi paida nahi karna chaahti thi iss liay khaamosh rahi. Wo kamray mein baith gaya aur aisay zaahir karnay laga jaisay kucch hua hi na ho.
Mein socchnay lagi. Uss kay rawayay say ye andaaza nahi lagaaya ja sakta tha kay uss kay dil mein kucch aisa hai. Wo saara saara din mujh say bay-tahaasha baatain karta laikn ab tak uss kay munh say koi qaabil-e-aitraaz baat nahi nikli thi. Laikin aik aurat honay kay naatay mujhay uss ki aankhon mein sex ki nangi hawas naachti hui saaf nazar aa rahi thi. Mairay zehan mein ab koi shak-o-shuba nahi reh gaya tha kay maira bhatija mujhay chodna chaahta tha aur iss maqsad kay liay mujhay raazi karnay ki koshish kar raha tha. Ziyaada paraishaan-kun baat ye thi kay uss kay haath din-ba-din bay-qaboo hi hotay ja rahay thay. Wo din mein kai kai dafa mukhtalif heelay bahaano say mairay mammon aur chootarron ko haath lagaata tha. Iss mein bhi koi shaq nahi tha kay mairi khaamoshi say bhi uss ki himmat barrh rahi thi. Mujhay ussay buhat pehlay hi rok laina chaahiay tha. Ab maira zehan issi sawaal mein uljha hua tha kay ussay roknay kay liay kiya tareeqa ikhtiyaar karoon kay saamp bhi mar ja’aiy aur laathi bhi na tootay.
Uss din wo ghar say Bermuda shorts pehan kar aaya tha jo ghutno tak lambay aur buhat khulay huay nickers hotay hain. Raat kay picchlay pehar jab Khalid gehri neend soiy huay thay mein refrigerator say shayad paani nikaalnay kay liay utthi. Amjad bhi ussi waqt kisi bahaanay say utha aur mairay peechay aa kar barri bay-sharmi kay saath mairay chootarron par apna poora haath phaira. Mein refrigerator ka darwaaza band kar kay murri to mujhay nazar aaya kay uss kay Bermuda shorts mein uss ka lund kharra hua hai aur raano kay beech waali jagah kaafi ubhri hui hai. Uss kay lund ka ubhaar beech mein nahi balkay aik side par tha jisay daikh kar mein keh sakti thi uss nay underwear nahi pehna hua tha. Uss nay foran sorry kaha jaisay ye sab ghalti say hua tha.
Ab wo shayad mujhay saaf tor say baawar kara raha tha kay uss ka lund mairi choot mein jaanay kay liay bay-taab hai. Baat ab yahaan tak puhanch gai thi kay haathon kay saath saath uss ka lund bhi bay-qaaboo ho raha tha. Sofa-cum-bed par baithtay huay uss nay daikh liya kay mein nay uss kay kharray huay lund par nazar daali hai. Wo kucch bola nahi magar mujhay aisay laga jaisay uss kay honton par bilkul khafeef si muskurahat aa gai ho. Haan uss ka chehray aur body language say pata chal raha tha kay wo buhat garam ho chuka hai. Uss nay apnay akrray huay lund ko mujh say cchupaanay ki bhi koi koshish nahi ki. Wo ye baat mujh tak saaf tor say puhancha daina chaahta tha kay uss ki nazar mairi choot par hai.
Mein samjh gai kay agar ussay moqa milta to wo mairi choot mein apna lund ghusaanay mein aik lamhay ki bhi dair na karta. Ye socch kar kay na-jaanay uss nay khayaalon hi khayaalon mein kitni dafa mairi choot maari ho gi mein sharminda si ho gai. Jab rishton kay bharam tootnay lagtay hain to taqleef to hoti hi hai. Ye bhi kucch aisi hi baat thi. Mein nay barri sanjeedgi say soccha kay uss kay saath alehdgi mein baat karoon aur samjhaaon kay wo aisa na karay magar na-jaanay kiyon himmat nahi parri.
Waisay Amjad nay abhi tak mairay saath koi aisi baat nahi ki thi jis say mein andaaza laga sakti kay wo mujhay pataanay ki koshish kar raha hai. Wo zabaan kay bajaiy apnay haathon say kaam lay raha tha. Mairay mammon ko pakarrnay aur chootarron par baar baar haath phairnay kay alaawa uss nay abhi tak aur kucch nahi kiya tha. Agar ye sab kucch wo mehaz tafreeh kay liay kar raha tha aur in maamlaat ko siraf yaheen tak rakhna chaahta tha to mairi gand ko haath lagaatay huay uss ka lund kiyon kharra ho gaya tha? Aur agar aisa ho hi gaya tha to uss nay apnay lund ko mujh say cchupaanay ki koshish kiyon nahi ki? Kiya uss kay kharray huay lund ko daikh kar mujhay andaaza na ho jaata kay wo mujhay chodna chaahta hai? Aisi soorat mein baat tafreeh tak to na rehti. Mein bilkul samajh nahi pa rahi thi kay uss kay zehan mein kiya tha.
Haan ab uss mein aik aur tabdeeli aa rahi thi. Pehlay uss ki aankhon mein siraf aur siraf sex ki hawas hoti thi laikin ab mein nay mehsoos kiya kay wo mairay chehray ko barray muhabbat bharay andaaz mein daikhta rehta hai. Dair tak baghair palak jhapkaiy jaisay mairay naqoosh ko apnay dil kay andar utaar laina chaahta ho. Mein khaalis hawas aur khaalis muhabbat kay farq say waaqif thi. Khaalis hawas aurat kay badan kay gird ghoomti hai laikin khaalis muhabbat uss kay badan aur shakhsiyat dono ka ihaata karti hai. Mujhay yaqeen hota ja raha tha kay wo mujh say muhabbat karnay laga hai aur ab baat siraf sex ki khaahish tak nahi reh gai.
Issi doraan mairay dil mein do tarah kay ehsaasaat nay janam laina shuru kiya. Aik ghussay ka ehsaas aur doosra dabi dabi khushi ka ehsaas. Mujhay ghusa to iss liay aa raha tha kay maira bhatija honay kay bawajood uss nay ye socchnay ki bhi jurrat kaisay ki kay wo mujhay chodna chaahay ga aur mein ussay aisa karnay doon gi. Uss nay kiya mujhay itnay hi kamzor kirdaar ki aurat samajh rakha tha? Ussay maloom hona chaahiay tha kay mein aisi aurat nahi thi. Agar mein shaadi-shuda aur do bachon ki ma’an hotay huay apnay bhatijay ko choot dainay par raazi ho jaati to wo kiya samjhta kay uss ki phupi kis qisam ki aurat hai. Ye to intihai buri harkat hoti.
Laikin mairay dil kay kisi hissay mein ye baat khushi ka baa’is bhi ban rahi thi kay maira saga bhatija hotay huay bhi wo mairay liay paagal ho raha tha aur apnay haathon ko mairay badan say door nahi rakh pa raha tha. Mein nay to 20 saal ki umar bhi kisi mein apnay liay aisi deewaangi nahi daikhi thi. Mujh mein kucch to aisa tha jis nay ussay deewaana bana diya tha. Mairi umar ki kisi aurat mein agar kisi mard kay liay itni sex appeal ho to wo kisi say kucch kahay ya na kahay magar andar hi andar ussay iss baat ki khushi zaroor hoti hai.
Mairay dimaagh mein in do ehsaasaat mein shayad jang chal rahi thi. Phir daikhtay hi daikhtay khushi nay ghusay ko shikast day di aur mein Amjad ki harkaton ko halkay halkay khof kay saath enjoy karnay lagi. Hairat ki baat to ye thi kay acchi tarah jaan lainay kay baad bhi kay wo mairi choot maarna chaahta hai mein apnay aap ko ussay roknay par raazi nahi kar pa rahi thi aur aik ajeeb tazabzub ka shikaar thi. Mujhay uss say koi aisa khof bhi mehsoos nahi ho raha tha jo kisi shareef aurat ko aisay mard say hona chaahiay jo uss ki choot laina chaahta ho. Mein to balkay ulta in sab baaton kay bawajood uss ka kucch ziyaada hi khayaal rakhnay lagi thi.
Chothay din mein mein kucch dair kay liay Hospital say ghar gai to waapas aanay say pehlay naha dho kar mein nay accha khaasa make-up kar liya. Laikin phir apnay aap ko aa’eenay mein daikh kar mujhay khayaal aaya kay ye mein kiya kar rahi hoon? Iss tarah make up kar kay to mein Amjad ko khula khula paighaam day rahi hoon kay mujhay bhi uss mein dilchaspi hai. Mein nay foran apna make up kaafi kum kar diya laikin phir bhi aam dino say kucch ziyaada hi banao singhaar kiya. Aa’enay kay saamnay baar baar mairi nazrain apnay mammon parr rahi theen aur buhat arsay kay baad aisa hua tha kay unkay motay aur barray barray ubhaar mujhay buhat acchay lag rahay thay. Jo kucch mein kar rahi thi wo bhi barri sharamnaak aur paraishaan-kun baat thi jis nay mujhay apni dimaaghi haalat kay baaray mein socchnay par majboor kar diya.
Shaadi kay baad mairi zindagi barri pur-sakoon aur therao waali rahi thi aur uss mein kisi qisam kay josh-o-walwalay ya suspense ka koi ansar nahi tha. Mairay roz-o-shab mein kisi an-honi ki koi gunja’ish nazar nahi aati thi. Laikin maira bhatija mairay saath jo kucch kar raha tha wo kisi an-honi say kum nahi tha. Mein to kabhi socch bhi nahi sakti thi kay shaadi kay 13 baras baad mairay saath aisa bhi ho sakta hai. Shayad issi liay mein dil hi dil mein uss ki harkaton say lutf-andoz ho rahi thi. Laikin iss ka ye matlab har giz nahi hai kay mein uss say apni choot marwaana chaahti thi. Mairay liay aisa socchna bhi taqleef aur karahat ka baa’is tha. Siraf itna tha kay uss ki harkatain mujhay aik mua’mmay aur mystery ki tarah dil-chasp lagnay lagi theen aur mairi ruki hui zindagi jaisay sarpat dorrnay lagi thi.
Yehi wo waqt tha jab mein nay pehli dafa in**st kay baaray mein soccha. Aisa socchna qudrati tha kiyonkay maira bhatija mujhay chod kar in**st hi to karna chaahta tha. Mujhay hairat hui kay in**st ka khayaal mairay jazbaat ko buhat buri tarah bharrka raha tha. Zindagi mein pehlay kabhi mein nay aisa mehsoos nahi kiya tha kiyonkay in**st ko mein bhi saari dunya ki tarah buhat buri harkat samjhti thi. Laikin ab in**st ka khayaal mujhay garam kar raha tha. Mein khaas tor say ma’an aur baitay kay jinsi ta’aluqaat ka socch kar buhat garam ho rahi thi aur barri koshishon say apnay oopar qaaboo rakha hua tha ta kay Khalid ya khud Amjad mairi haalat say aagaah na ho ja’ain. Mujhay dar tha kay kaheen koi mairay zehan ko parrh na lay.
Mein nay kucch arsa pehlay aik English film daikhi thi jis ka naam “Spanking the Monkey” tha. Ye film aik baitay kay apni ma’an kay saath jinsi ta’aluqaat kay baray mein thi. Baar baar iss film kay manaazir mairay zehan mein gardish karnay lagtay aur mein garam honay lagti. Mujhay apnay pooray badan mein aik garam gudgudi ka ehsaas honay lagta aur dil chaahta kay koi mairay badan kay mukhtalif hisson ko haath laga’aiy. Mairay gardan kay picclay hissay aur mammon mein ye gudgudi ziyaada hoti thi. Mairay pait mein bhi halki halki phuljharryaan cchootnay lagteen aur choot geeli honay lagti. Uss waqt mairi shadeed khaahish hoti kay mein kisi tarah khalaas ho ja’aoon aur na-jaanay kiyon mujhay yaqeen tha agar aisa hua to mein barray zabardast tareeqay say kai dafa khalaas hon gi.
Mujhay buhat arsay kay baad iss tarah garam honay ka tajarba ho raha tha jis mein barra maza tha. Mein musalsal garam thi aur maira badan normal nahi ho pa raha tha. Mairay dimaagh mein achanak ye baat aai kay iss waqt mairi choot ko aik kharray huay lund ki buhat ziyaada zaroorat hai. Mein nay tasawwur ki aankh say daikha kay aik mota akrra hua lund mairay saamnay hai. Phir wo lund mairi choot kay andar baahar honay laga. Mard ka akrray huay lund ka khayaal aam haalaat mein bhi mujhay paagal kar daita tha aur iss waqt to mein buhat hi garam thi. Apnay badan ki barrhti hui tapish mujhay paraishaan kar rahi thi aur mein kisi na kisi tarah apni choot marwaana chaahti thi ta kay iss manhoos tension say nijaat mil sakay. Laikin Khalid iss position mein nahi thay kay mujhay chod kar thanda kar saktay. Mein bas sabar kiay baithi rahi.
Laikin phir mujhay apni socchon par buhat afsos bhi honay lagta tha. Mujhay yon lagta tha jaisay mein buhat barra gunaah kar baithi hoon. Zaahir hai kay in**st mein mairi dilchaspi apnay bhatijay ki harkaton ki waja say paida hui thi. Magar apnay zameer kay kachokon kay bawajood mein in**st ko apnay zehan say nikaal nahi pa rahi thi. Mujhay baar baar yehi khayaal aa raha tha kay agar Khalid theek hotay to mein un say chudwa kar apnay aap ko thanda kar laiti magar ab kiya karoon? Pata nahi wo kitnay arsay kay baad mujhay chodnay kay qaabil ho sakain gay? Mein nay thorri afsurdgi kay saath soccha. Phir achanak mujhay Amjad kay lund ka khayaal aaya. Uss ka lund kaisa ho ga? Wo agar kisi aurat ko choday to kaisay choday ga? Iss zaleel khayaal kay zehan mein aatay hi mein sharam say paani paani ho gai. Mein nay ussay paida hotay hi daikha tha aur ab mein uss kay baaray mein aisi ghaleez baat socch rahi thi. Mujhay Amjad par ghussa bhi aa raha tha jis ki harkaton ki waja say mairi ye haalat ho gai thi. Ajeeb kashmakash ka aalum tha.
Jab maira ehsaas-e-gunaah kucch ziyaada hi barrh gaya to mein nay soccha kay iss qisam ki baatain siraf mairay zehan ki had tak hi to hain mein koi Amjad say chudwa to nahi rahi jo mujhay ehsaas-e-gunaah nay itna tung kiya hua hai. Jo kucch ho raha hai uss ki taraf say ho raha hai mein to ussay aisa karnay ko nahi keh rahi. Agar mein kucch buri baatain socch kar garam ho rahi hoon aur mujhay accha lag raha hai to iss say koi qayaamat to nahi aa ja’aiy gi. Ye sab kucch to mairay dimaagh kay andar hai haqeeqat say to iss ka koi ta’aluq nahi. Mujhay ye bhi khayaal aaya kay aik din baad jab Khalid Hospital say discharge ho ja’ain gay to ye baat bhi humaisha humaisha kay liay khatam ho ja’aiy gi aur mairi zindagi phir normal ho ja’aiy gi.
Aglay din Khalid ko Hospital say discharge kar kay ghar bhaij diya gaya. Unho nay abhi kai din bed par hi rehna tha. Amjad mujhay aur Khalid ko ghar tak cchorrnay aaya aur kucch dair ruka bhi. Mein nay aur Khalid nay uss ka buhat shukriya ada kiya kay mushkil ki iss gharri mein uss nay humaari barri madad ki. Uss nay kaha kay aisi koi baat nahi aur wo phir bhi Khalid ki tabi’yat ka poochnay chakar lagaata rahay ga. Ye sun kar mairay dil mein ajeeb si halchal hui. Mein samajh nahi pai kay mein ussay apnay ghar aanay say rokna chaahti thi ya uss kay yahaan aanay par khush ho rahi thi.
Jab wo jaanay kay liay utha to mein ussay cchorrnay kamray kay baahar tuk aai. Maira khayaal tha wo jaatay huay phir mujh say galay milay ga aur mairay mammon ko haath laga’iay ga. Brassiere kay andar mairay mammon kay nipples mein kucch ho raha tha. Shayad wo akarr rahay thay. Mein apnay chehray kay ta’asuraat ko bilkul normal rakhtay huay Amjad say baghal-geer honay kay liay khud hi uss ki taraf barrhi. Laikin uss nay iss dafa kucch bhi nahi kiya aur barri sharafat say mujh say galay mil kar salaam kiya aur chala gaya. Mujhay thorri hairat bhi hui aur kucch mayoosi bhi.
Uss din mein yehi socchti rahi kay Amjad nay jaatay huay mairay mammon ya chootarron ko haath kiyon nahi lagaaya? Kiya uss ka dil mujh say bhar gaya tha? Kaheen aisa to nahi kay wo mujh say dar kar peechay hut gaya ho? Laikin mein nay to uss ki kisi harkat par ussay toka nahi tha to phir ussay kis baat ka dar tha? Ye bhi ho sakta tha kay mujhay haath lagaanay kay baad mairay badan ka lams ussay pasand na aaya ho aur us kay khayaalaat mairay baaray mein badal ga’aiy hon. Laikin phir uss ki aankhon mein muhabbat bhari hui kiyon nazar aati thi? Mujhay kucch samajh nahi aa raha tha.
Mein kamray mein waapas aa gai aur soccha kay Khalid theek hon gay to un say ji bhar kay choot marwaoon gi.
Maira naam Nadira Khalid hai. Mairi umar 38 saal hai aur mein shaadi-shuda aur do baitiyon ki ma’an hoon. Mairi barri baiti 12 saal ki hai jabkay cchoti ki umar 10 saal hai. Dono Murree kay aik mashoor boarding college mein zair-e-taaleem hain. Mein apnay shohar Khalid kay saath .,abad mein rehti hoon. Mairay paanch bhai aur teen behnain hain. Apni behno mein maira number teesra hai.
Mein apni tareef karna pasand nahi karti magar ye bhi kucch ghalat nahi hai kay dunya humaisha say mujhay aik dil-aawaiz aur haseen aurat samajhti aai hai. Hum chaaron hi behnain acchi shakal-o-soorat ki hain. Mairi barri behnain Nilofar aur Khadija aur ccohti behan Shehnaz bhi barri khush-shakal aur jaazib-e-nazar auratain hain. Apni behno ki tarah 12/13 saal ki umar say hi mujhay khaandaan ki khawateen khoobsoorat kehnay lagi theen. Jab barri boorhiyan hanstay huay halki awaaz mein baatain karti hain to larrkiyaan samajh jaati hain kay kis ka tazkira ho raha hai aur kis waja say ho raha hai. Maira to gharaana bhi kaafi modern aur roshan-khayaal tha iss laiy aisi baatain mairay kaano tak aasaani say puhanch jaaya karti theen.
Qudrat nay har aurat ko doosri say mukhtalif hi paida kiya hai magar sagi behnon mein kisi had tak mushaabihat hona koi ajeeb baat nahi hai. Mairay chehray aur qad-o-qaamat ko daikh kar aasaani say kaha ja sakta hai kay mein Baji Nilofar aur Baji Khadija ki sagi behan hoon. Apni cchoti behan Shehnaz say albata mein itna ziyaada nahi milti kiyonkay uss kay naqoosh bhi thorray mukhtalif hain aur qad bhi humaaray muqaablay mein kaafi cchota hai.
Mein apnay larrakpan aur jawaani mein koi buhat romantic mizaaj ki larrki nahi thi. Shayad mairi tabiyat hi kucch ziyaada aashiqaana nahi hai. Uss waqt mujhay Mills and Boon kay roomaani novel parrhnay ka shoq zaroor tha magar mein doosri larrkiyon ki tarah aisay novels parrh kar kabhi khwaabon ki dunya mein gum nahi hui. Mein nay kabhi nahi soccha kay safaid ghorray par sawaar koi shehzaada kaheen say aa’iy ga aur mujhay apnay saath paryon kay dais lay ja’aiy ga jahaan mein saari zindagi aiash karoon gi. Mujhay larrkon mein dilchaspi thi laikin siraf daikhnay ki had tak aur siraf itni hi jitni kisi bhi nojawaan larrki ko ho sakti hai. Haan mein ye zaroor soccha karti thi kay mairi shaadi kab ho gi aur kis say ho gi.
Uss zamaanay mein kai sar-phiron nay mujh par doray daalnay ki koshish ki magar mein nay unki taraf koi dhiyaan nahi diya. Kucch ye bhi tha kay kabhi kisi nay mujh say itna qareeb honay ki koshish hi nahi ki kay mujhay haan ya na ki soorat mein koi rad-e-amal zaahir karna parrta. Jab mairi aam si shakal-o-soorat waali sahailyon ko larrkay khat likh likh kar bhaijtay to mujhay hairat hoti kay mairay saath kabhi aisa kiyon nahi hota. Mein un say kaheen ziyaada khoobsoorat aur lambi chorri thi magar phir bhi kisi nay kabhi khul kar mujh say izhaar-e-muhbbat nahi kiya. Iss mein shayad mairi apni shakhsiyat ka qasoor bhi raha ho ga jo khoobsurat honay kay bawajood na to kabhi kisi nay mujhay apni laila banaanay ki koshish ki aur na hi kabhi koi maira majnoo bana. Zindagi kisi aisay haadsay kay baghair hi guzarti rahi.
Jawaani kay shuru kay dino mein har larrki ki tarah mujhay bhi sex kay baaray mein barra tajassus tha aur mein jaanna chaahti thi kay ye aakhir hai kiya bala jis ki waja say saari dunya paagal hui phirti hai. Menses shuru honay kay baad mein apnay badan mein honay waali wazeh tabdeeliyon par ghor kiya karti thi. Mujhay apna badan andar say bhi aur baahar say bhi barra mukhtalif mehsoos honay laga tha. Jab mein bathroom mein nahaati to mairay haath khud-ba-khud apnay mammon aur choot par taiz taiz harkat karnay lagtay thay. Tub mujhay barri ajeeb qisam ki lazzat ka ehsaas hota tha aur jab ye lazzat buhat ziyaada barrhnay lagti to mein ghabra jaati thi. Mairi choot kay bilkul oopar ka hissa aur mammon kay nipple khaas tor par barray hassas maqamaat ban ga'aiy thay aur unhay haath lagaanay say mujhay humaisha kucch honay lagta tha.
Aik din Baji Nilofar ki kisi sahaili nay unhay aik risaala diya jis mein mardon aur auraton ki nangi tasweerain theen. Wo ye risaala apni college ki kitaabon mein cchupa kar ghar lay aaeen aur hum teeno behnain cchup kar ussay daikhnay lageen. Uss mein mard aur aurat kay sex karnay ki tasweerain to nahi theen magar aisi tasweerain zaroor theen jin mein mardon kay akrray huay lund ko barray qareeb say dikhaaya gaya tha. Humain aisi haalat mein lund daikhna barra accha laga. Mujhay aaj bhi mard ka danday ki tarah seedha kharra hua lund buhat garam kar daita hai. Mein khaas tor par kharray huay lund kay topay ko buhat pasand karti hoon aur maira dil chaahta hai kay mein ussay haath mein lay kar mehsoos karti rahoon. Uss waqt bhi mujhay lund choosnay ka buhat shoq tha aur ab bhi hai magar mein nay ye baat kabhi kisi ko nahi batai. Har aurat ki koi na koi sexual fantasy zaroor hoti hai aur mairi sab say barri sexual fantasy hi kisi akrray huay motay lund par iss tarah aagay peechay haath phairna aur ussay choosna hai kay wo khalaas ho ja'aiy aur barri taiz-raftaari say manni baahar phainknay lagay. Ye doosri baat hai kay mein zindagi mein kabhi koi lund nahi choos saki.
Uss zamaanay mein kabhi kabhaar mein ultay seedhay khwaab bhi daikha karti thi jin mein koi mard mujhay chod raha hota tha. Neend mein hi mujhay ehsaas hota kay mein apnay pait kay andar kay kisi hissay ko zor zor say daba rahi hoon. Laikin mein ye nahi bata sakti thi wo mairay badan ka kon sa hissa tha. Zindagi mein pehli dafa mein issi tarah neend ki haalat mein khalaas hui thi aur jab mairi aankh khuli to mairi choot andar say buhat ziyaada geeli thi. Wo raat mujhay aaj tak yaad hai. Laikin in sab baaton kay bawajood mein sex ki koi buhat ziyaada deewaani nahi thi.
Jab mein 25 baras ki umar ko puhanchi to mairi shaadi kar di gai. Mairay shohar Khalid barray khush-shakal, khush-posh aur intahai parrhay likhay insaan hain. Unho nay America ki aik mashoor university say Business Administration mein degree haasil kar rakhi hai aur aik barri multi-national firm mein kaam kartay hain. Unho nay aik shaadi mein mujhay daikha tha aur phir do maheenay kay andar andar mujhay biyaah kar apnay ghar lay aa’aiy. Yon mairi zindagi ka aik naya baab shuru hua.
Suhaag raat ko mein nay pehli dafa choot marwai aur tub hi mujhay pata chala kay apni choot kay andar lund lay kar khalaas honay ka lutf kiya hota hai. Kisi aurat kay liay dunya kay kisi aur kaam mein itna maza nahi hai jitna apni choot daitay huay poori tarah say khalaas honay mein hai. Ye ajeeb hi maza hai jo har dafa aurat mehsoos karti hai aur har dafa ussay naya lagta hai. Qudrat nay mardon kay muqaablay mein auraton ko ye buhat barra tuhfa ata kiya hai kay wo aik dafa kay chudwaanay mein hi kai baar khalaas ho sakti hain.
Apnay buhat lambay qad aur sehatmand badan kay bawajood mairi choot kaafi cchoti hai jis ki waja say uss raat mujhay lund apnay andar laitay huay buhat taqleef bhi hui. Issi liay Khalid nay mujhay aglay kai din tak nahi choda jis ka mujhay afsos bhi hua. Wo niyahat shareef, suljhay huay aur muhabbat karnay waalay shohar hain aur mein apni azdawaaji zindagi say buhat khush aur mutma’in hoon. Buhat si doosri biwiyon kay bar-aks mairay dil say humaisha apnay shohar kay liay dua hi nikalti hai.
Shaadi kay baad mujhay jald hi andaaza ho gaya kay mein har dafa choot daitay huay khalaas nahi hoti. Agar mein das baar sex karti to siraf teen ya chaar baar hi khalaas hoti thi. Baaz auqaat mujhay iss soorat-e-haal par ghussa bhi aa jaata tha magar mein nay iss baaray mein Khalid say kabhi kucch nahi kaha. Unho nay bhi iss silsilay mein mujh say kabhi koi sawaal nahi kiya kay jab wo mujhay chodtay hain to mein khalaas hoti hoon ya nahi aur agar hoti bhi hoon to kitni dafa. Baad kay saalon mein ye routine ban gaya aur mujhay khalaas na honay say jo maayoosi hua karti thi wo bhi taqreeban khatam ho gai. Mein khalaas honay kay baghair hi chudwaanay ka maza lay liya karti thi. Kabhi kabhi mein Khalid ka dil rakhnay kay liay khalaas honay ki adakaari bhi karti thi ta kay unhay pata na chalay kay wo mujhay khalaas nahi kar pa rahay.
Agarchay mein kum hi khalaas hoti hoon laikin jab bhi aisa ho bed par mairi ucchal kood kucch ziyaada hi bay-sharmi waali hoti hai. Khalaas hotay huay mujhay apnay badan par bilkul qaaboo nahi rehta hai. Issi tarah uss waqt mairay munh say taiz cheekhain aur ajeeb-o-ghareeb awaazaian nikalti hain jis par mujhay barri sharmindgi hoti hai. Laikin agli dafa khalaas hotay huay phir aisa hi karti hoon. Issi liay mairi baityaan chuttiyon mein ghar aai hon to Khalid mujhay chodnay say guraiz kartay hain kay kaheen khalaas hotay huay mairi cheekhain unkay kamray tak na puhanch ja'ayain. Mein jaanti hoon kay mairi harkaton ko Khalid aaj tak apnay lund ka kamaal samjhtay rahay hain. Wo socchtay hain kay mein poori tarah satisfy ho rahi hoon to itna shor macha rahi hoon na warna aisa kiyon karoon. Mein nay bhi kabhi unhay ye bataanay ki koshish nahi ki kay aisa nahi hai. Mujhay aisa karnay ki zaroorat hi kiya hai. Unho nay bhi kabhi iss baat par ghor nahi kiya kay aakhir mein har dafa sex kartay huay aisa kiyon nahi karti.
Phir mein dunya ki waahid aurat nahi hoon jis kay saath aisa hota hai. Aur bhi buhat si hain. Mairay badan kay kucch hissay aisay hain jinhay agar stimulate kiya ja’aiy ya masla ja’aiy to mein zaroor khalaas hoti hoon. In mein clitoris, mammay aur gand ka soraakh sab say ziyaada hassaas hain. Laikin mairay liay ye barra mushkil hai kay mein sex kay doraan Khalid say kahoon kay wo mairay badan kay in hisson par tawajo dain. Mein unka itna ehteraam karti hoon kay mein nay iss baaray mein unhay kucch keh kar kabhi paraishaan ya sharminda karnay ki koshish nahi ki. Waisay bhi mairay kum khalaas honay mein unka kiya qasoor hai. Waqt kay saath saath unki sex karnay ki khaahish kum hoti gai laikin phir bhi wo das baara din baad mujhay zaroor chodtay hain. Mairay liay yehi kaafi hai.
Humaaray haan to waisay bhi buhat kum shaadiyaan aisi hoti hain jis mein aurat sex kay doraan wo sab kucch kar sakti hai jo wo karna chaahti hai. Iss maamlay mein auraton ko kai qisam kay khof hotay hain. Mairay shohar buhat acchay insaan hain laikin mein phir bhi darti hoon kay agar mein nay chudwaatay huay un say koi mutaalba kiya to wo kaheen mujhay bud-kirdaar na samjhna shuru kar dain ya apnay aap mein koi kami na mehsoos karain. Mard apni mardaangi kay baaray mein zaroorat say ziyaada hasaas hotay hain iss liay khaamosh rehna hi behtar hai. Yehi waja hai kay bed par Khalid jo chaahtay hain mein chup chaap karti jaati hoon aur apni khaahishaat ka izhaar kabhi nahi karti.
Mein phir kahoon gi kay mujhay apnay baaray mein iss tarah ki baatain karna accha nahi lagta magar iss kahaani ko mukamal background kay saath bayaan karnay kay liay aisa karna zaroori hai. Mujhay jaannay waalay kehtay hain kay shaadi kay 13 saal baad bhi maira husn bilkul maand nahi parra. Dono barri behno say shabaahat kay bawajood majmooi tor par mairay chehray ko munfarid kaha ja sakta hai. Mairi aankhain barri barri aur kaali siyaah hain, naak oonchi, hont turshay huay aur gaal bharay bharay hain. Maira chehra zara lamba hai aur shayad yehi baat mujhay apni behno say alag karti hai jin kay chehray thorray say gol hain. Mujhay apnay baal buhat pasand hain jo buhat ghanay, raishmi, motay, siaah aur kandhon say kaafi neechay tak lambay hain.
Maira badan jawaani kay ibtidai dino say hi thos, bhaari aur mazboot hai. Mairi dost khawateen hansti hain kay mairay badan ka har wo hissa jissay barra hona chaahiay barra hi hai maslan qad, aankhain, mammay aur gand. Wo ye bhi kehti hain kay mujhay daikh kar sab say pehlay yehi khayaal aata hai kay mairi aankhain, mammay aur gand aam auraton say ziyaada motay hain. Ye sahi bhi hai kiyonkay mairi koi sahaili bhi mairay jitni lambi chorri nahi hai. Apnay khaandaan say baahar mein nay kum hi mardon aur aurton ko daikha hai jo mairay jitnay lambay hon. Jab mein college aur University mein parrhti thi tub bhi aisa hi tha aur aaj bhi aisa hi hai.
Maira lamba qad bhi yaqeenan mairay mammon aur chootarron kay barray size ko aur ziyaada logon ki nazron mein laata hai. Mazboot aur bhaari honay kay bawajood maira badan bilkul bay-dol aur dheela nahi hai. Apni dono baitiyon ki paida’ish kay baad mujhay khadsha tha kay maira pait nikal aa’aiy ga aur issi liay mein nay apni doctors kay mashwaray say humaisha pait ki exercises keen aur apnay pait ko thorra sa bhi nikalnay nahi diya. Mein ab bhi regularly pait ki warzishain karti hoon. Ye shayad apnay aap ko fit rakhnay kay hawaalay say mairi sab say barri kaamyaabi hai.
Auraton kay jisam par waisay bhi mardon kay muqaablay mein kaheen ziyaada charbi hoti hai aur agar ye charbi unkay jisam mein munaasib andaaz mein aur munaasib maqamaat par taqseem ho to shayad bhaari bharkam hotay huay bhi wo buri nahi lagteen. Ye sab qudrat ki taraf say hota hai. Maira badan bhi kucch aisa hi hai aur agarchay mairay mammay, kandhay, bazoo, chootarr aur raanain itnay motay hain magar mujhay phir bhi koi mota nahi keh sakta. Mein lambi chorri, tagrri aur tandurast-o-tawaana hoon laikin phusphusi aur moti nahi. Ye aur baat hai kay mein khud apnay badan ki saakht ko pasand nahi karti aur maira humaisha say yehi khayaal hai kay agar mairay mammay aur chootarr thorray cchotay hotay to ziyaada accha hota.
Mairay mammay seenay par kaafi oonchay hain aur phoolay huay nazar aatay hain. Mairay nipples bhi buhat lambay aur motay motay hain. Mein ziyaada dair tak brassiere pehnay rahoon to mairay nipples mein halka halka dard shuru ho jaata hai aur mujhay ghantay do ghantay kay liay brassiere utaar kar apnay mammon ko khula rakhna parrta hai. Agar mairay nipple brassiere kay andar ghalat zaawiyay say dabay huay hoon tub bhi mujhay taqleef hoti hai. Aisi soorat mein mein apnay garaibaan mein haath daal kar mammon ko brassiere mein theek karti rehti hoon. Ye apni jagah aik masla hai kiyonkay kisi kay saamnay to aisa kiya nahi ja sakta. Mein ya to apnay akailay honay ka intizaar karti hoon ya bathroom chali jaati hoon. Mairay bazoo bhi gol aur motay hain aur bazo’oon kay darmiyaan mairay mammon kay dono ubhaar khud mujhay thorra sa bhi neechay daikhnay par baahar niklay huay nazar aatay rehtay hain. Mein sar jhukaoon to mujhay apnay pa’oon nazar nahi aatay kiyonkay mairay mammay saamnay hotay hain. Pata nahi aur auraton kay saath aisa hota hai ya nahi laikin mairay saath to humaisha say yehi hai.
Mairay mammay 12/13 saal ki umar mein hi buhat taizi say barrhnay shuru ho ga’aiy thay. Phir 18/19 baras ki umar tak puhanchtay puhanchtay mein apnay motay aur bay-qaaboo mammon ko sambhaalnay kay liay acchay khaasay barray size ka brassiere pehannay lagi thi. Mairay liay to brassiere ko theek tareeqay say apny mammon par fit kar kay pehanna bhi aik masla hota tha. Naram kaprray ka brassiere pehanti to mairay mammon ka hilna band nahi hota tha aur agar sakht material say bana hua brassiere istimaal karti to bay-chaini aur bay-aaraami hoti. Baji Nilofar, Baji Khadija ka bhi yehi haal tha aur unkay mammay bhi issi raftaar say soojtay ja rahay thay. Kucch arsay baad Shehnaz bhi issi tajarbay say guzri.
Choonkay hum sab behnon kay mammay motay hi thay iss liay uss waqt mujhay apnay mammon ka mota aur barra hona ziyaada paraishaan nahi karta tha. Mairi cchothi behan Shehnaz mujh say 7 saal cchoti hai aur uss waqt apni kum-umri ki waja say motay mammay uss ka masla nahi thay. Laikin Baji Nilofar, Baji Khadija aur mein mazaaq mazaaq mein apnay bharrtay huay mammon ka muqaabla kiya karti theen. Issi tarah hum aik doosray kay mammon ko tatol tatol kar aur daba daba kar bhi daikha kartay thay kay kis kay mammay ziyaada barray aur bhaari hain. Hum teeno mein apnay nipples ki motai aur lambai ka muqaabla bhi hua karta tha. Humaari sab say ziyaada waahiyaat harkat ye hoti thay kay hum aik doosray kay nipples ko chutkiyon mein pakarr pakarr kar daikhtay thay kay kis kay nipple jaldi akarrtay hain. Ajeeb bay-fikri ka zamaana tha.
Baji Khadija buhat shokh hua karti theen aur kai dafa unho nay kappray badaltay huay mairay nangay mammon ko haath mein pakrr kar bhi masla tha. Baji Nilofar unhay aisa karnay say mana karti theen laikin jab wo baaz nahi aati theen to Baji Nilofar khud unkay mammon ko pakarr liya karti theen. Phir to jaisay qayaamat aa jaati thi aur hum teeno aik doosray kay mammay pakarr pakarr kar khaincha kartay thay. Humain apnay mammon par aik doosray kay haathon ka lams barra accha lagta tha. Issi qisam ki ehmaqaana harkaton ki waja say hum teeno kay kai brassiere phat ga’aiy aur istimaal kay qaabil nahi rahay.
Larrkiyon ki aik buhat barri aksariyat kay mammay 18/19 saal ki umar mein barrhna band ho jaatay hain aur iss kay baad unkay size mein thorra buhat hi farq parrta hai. Aisa mammon ki waja say nahi hota balkay jab pooray jisam ka wazan barrhta hai to mammay bhi bhaari ho jaatay hain. Laikin chand aisi auratain bhi hoti hain jin kay mammay baad mein bhi bharrhtay rehtay hain. Mein aur mairi behnain bhi aisi hi hain. Umar kay saath saath humaara wazan bhi barrhta raha aur mammay bhi mazeed motay hotay ga’aiy. Mein to tub apnay mammon say bay-zaar hona shuru hui jab har do teen saal kay baad mujhay apnay brassiere ka size tabdeel kar kay barray size ka brassiere laina parrta tha.
Shaadi kay pehlay saal jab mein apnay shohar kay saath America gai aur wahaan aik store say apnay liay brassiere khareeda to mujhay pata chala kay mairay mammon ka size 36HH hai. Phir dono baitiyon ki paidaish kay chand saal kay andar andar mairay mammay aur bhi barray ho ga’aiy aur unka size 40HH tak ja puhancha. Iss mein 40 kamar aur mammon kay neechay waalay hissay ka size hai jabkay HH mammon ki motai aur golai ka size hai. Jo khawateen brassiere kay sizes say waaqif hain wo jaanti hain kay 40HH mammay buhat barray aur motay hotay hain. Haan ye zaroor hai kay mairay ghair-maamooli lambay qad ki waja say mairay mammay daikhnay waalon ko koi buhat ziyaada barray nazar nahi aatay kiyonkay maira poora badan hi barra hai. Oonchay aur tthos honay ki waja say mairay bhaari mammay kabhi kabhi mairi kamar mein dard bhi paida kar daitay hain jo kai kai din tak mujhay paraishaan rakhta hai. Laikin ab to mujhay iss ki bhi aadat ho gai hai.
Picchlay tees baras kay tajarbay ko saamnay rakhtay huay mein apnay baaray mein yaqeen say nahi keh sakti kay mustaqbil mein mairay mammon ka size mazeed barrhay ga ya nahi. Phir bhi mujhay lagta hai kay ab mairay mammay issi size kay rahain gay kiyonkay Baji Nilofar jo mujh say teen saal barri hain unkay mammay bhi kum-o-baish mairay jitnay hi motay hain. Baji Khadija kay baaray mein to mein jaanti hoon kay wo mairay hi size ka brassiere pahenti hain. Iss liay ho sakta hai maira size bhi un dono jitna hi rahay. Agar aisa hi hua to mairay liay ye baat bhi itminaan ka ba’ais ho gi.
Apnay badan par mammon kay wazan ko thorra kum karnay kay liay mein nay kai dafa soccha kay America mein Breast Reduction surgery kay zarye apnay mammon ka size kucch kum karwa loon. Aisa aasaani say kiya ja sakta hai aur ye koi buhat ziyaada taqleef-day operation nahi hai. Mein shayad aisa kar bhi laiti laikin Baji Nilofar aur Baji Khadija nay mujhay sakhti say mana kar diya. Unka kehna tha kay humaari tarah ki itnay motay motay mammon waali auratain buhat thorri hoti hain aur jab humain qudrat nay ye naimat day rakhi hai to hum kufraan-e-naimat kiyon karain. Mein nay unki baat maan li kiyonkay agar wo dono apnay motay mammon par fakhar karti theen to mein apnay aap ko un say alag kar kay kamtar kiyon saabit karti. Kiya pata baad mein mujhay iss baat ka afsos hota. Phir iss haqeeqat say bhi to inkaar nahi kiya ja sakta kay mammay aurat ki niswaanyat ki sab barri shanaakht hain aur agar qudrat nay mujhay ye shanaakht ata kar rakhi hai to mein issay kiyon khatam karoon.
Mairay chootarr bhi waqt kay saath saath buhat motay aur chorray ho gaiy hain. Waisay to mairi gand mammon ki tarah buhat jawaani say hi bhaari thi aur mairi bay-takalluf sahailiyaan mairay hiltay huay motay motay chootarron kay baaray mein barray ganday ganday mazaaq kiya karti theen jaisay maira khawind mairi gand maara karay ga ya mairay paas lund lainay kay liay aik say ziyaada soraakh hain. Mein unhay kehti thi kay gand bhi koi maarnay ki cheez hai. Aisa hua bhi nahi kiyonkay Khalid fitratan barray seedhay insaan hain aur sex bhi barray seedhay saadhay tareeqay say hi karaty hain. Unho nay kabhi mairi gand nahi maari aur na hi kabhi mujh say iss baaray mein koi baat ki. Mein nay bhi ye kabhi soccha nahi kay agar wo aisa karain to mein kiya mehsoos karoon gi.
Jab mairi pehli baiti ki paidaish hui to mairay chootarr aur bhi taizi say motay honay shuru ho ga’aiy. Iss kay baad to mairay chootarron ka size har guzartay saal kay saath barrhta hi raha. Iss waqt mairay chootarr 43 inch kay hain jinhay kam-az-kam mein to ye bilkul pasand nahi karti. Kon itni moti aur bhaari gand ka bojh har waqt utha’aiy utha’aiy phiray. Log kehtay hain kay aurat ki khoobsurti uss kay mammon aur gand mein hoti hai aur mein to iss maamlay mein kucch ziyaada hi khud-kafeel hoon.
Iss waqt mairay badan ki bilkul sahi paima’ish 40HH-36-43 hai yaani 40HH mammay, 36 inch kamar aur 43 inch chootarr. Mein apnay aap ko slim karnay ki koshishain apni doosri baiti ki paidaish kay baad say yaani 28 baras ki umar say kar rahi hoon. Laikin har tarah ka jatan kar lainay kay bawajood siwaiy pait kay mein apnay badan mein aik inch ka farq nahi la saki. Tung aa kar mein aik Weight Loss expert kay paas gai to uss nay kaha kay mairi haddiyaan barri barri aur chorri hain jo mujhay apnay waaldain say wiraasat mein mili hain aur mein iss waja say kabhi bhi buhat dubli nahi ho sakti. Mein nay iss liay dubla honay ka khayaal hi dil say nikaal diya.
Mein siraf apnay liay dubla nahi hona chaahti thi. Mujhay ilam tha kay mairay shohar ko slim aur smart aurtain pasand hain iss liay unhay khush rakhnay kay liay mein nay humaisha yehi koshish ki kay mein agar buhat ziyaada dubli na bhi hon sakoon to kam-az-kam kucch had tak apna wazan kum zaroor kar loon. Laikin bud-qismati say mein ye bhi nahi kar pai. Wo ab 46 saal kay ho chukay hain aur kabhi mujhay chodtay huay khalaas kar dain to unkay liay mairay lambay chorray badan ko sambhaalna mushkil ho jaata hai. Unki saans phoolnay lagti hai aur wo buhat jald thak jaatay hain. Mein aksar unhay kehti hoon kay unhay mairay jaisi lambi chorri mustandi kay baja’aiy kisi halki phulki larrki say shaadi karna chaahiay thi. Wo bhalay maanas hain hans daitay hain aur kehtay hain kay tum bilkul moti nahi ho bas waqt kay saath saath tumhaara badan ziyaada gudaaz ho gaya hai laikin hai to pathar ki tarah sakht. Tumhay pata hona chaahiay kay tumhaaray jasaiy qad kaath aur mazboot badan ki auratain kitni kam hain. Mein kehti hoon kay moti na sahi laikin mustandi to phir bhi hoon. Wo jawaab daitay hain kay tumhay ghalat-fehmi hai apnay jisam kay baaray mein insecure hona chorr do. Log to tumhay mairay saath daikh kar mairi khush-qismati par rashk kartay hain.
Waisay mairay motay mammay aur bhaari chootarr yahaan bhi aur mulk say baahar bhi mardon ki tawajo ka markaz banay rehtay hain. Mein ye iss liay jaanti hoon kay auraton say mardon ki gandi nazrain kabhi nahi cchupteen aur wo saat pardon mein bhi jaan laiti hain kay koi mard unhay hawas-naak nazron say daikh raha hai. Mujhay oopar say neechay daikhnay waalay aksar mardon ki aankhon mein bhi agarchay mairay chehray kay liay pasandeedgi hoti hai magar iss say bhi ziyaada wo mujhay chodnay kay shoq mein mubtala nazar aatay hain. Kucch to aisay bhi hotay hain jin ka bas nahi chalta warna sar-e-aam hi mairay mammon ko choosna shuru kar dain. Mardon ka yehi to masla hai kay har aurat unkay liay siraf mammon, choot aur gand ka majmooa hai iss say ziyaada kucch nahi. Wo samjhtay hain kay aurat ko siraf iss liay paida kiya gaya hai kay wo unka lund apni choot mein lay aur uss par cchalaangain laga kar unhay paanch cchaiy minute kay liay khush kar day.
Mein ye to nahi kahoon gi kay mujhay apnay aap ko mardon ka ghoorna bura lagta hai kiyonkay koi bhi aurat jab kisi mard ki nigaahon mein apnay liay pasandeedgi daikhti hai to ussay accha hi lagta hai. Laikin iss kay bawajood mein nay iss maamlay mein kabhi bhi kisi ki koi hosla-afzaai nahi ki. Ab to shayad waqt bhi nahi hai aisa kucch karnay ka. Jab 20/25 saal ki umar mein kucch nahi kiya to 38 baras mein kaisay kar sakti hoon. Shaadi kay baad to waisay bhi mairi zindagi mein siraf aur siraf mairay shohar hi rahay hain. Mujhay shaadi kay pehlay din hi un say muhabbat ho gai thi aur martay dam tak aisa hi rahay ga. Mein unkay alaawa kisi aur say mail mulaqaat ka bhi nahi socch sakti to kisi aur ka lund apnay andar kaisay lay sakti thi.
Buhat arsay tak mein iss baat par qaayum rahi. Laikin phir aik aisa waaqiya hua jis kay baaray mein mein kabhi soch bhi nahi sakti thi.
PART TWO
Aik raat koi saarhay baara bajay kay qareeb Khalid nay mujhay neend say jaga kar bataaya kay unkay pait mein shadeed dard ho raha hai. Dard unki naaf kay aas paas tha aur pait kay da'ayain jaanib barrhta hua mehsoos ho raha tha. Mein nay unhay Buscopan ki goli khilai laikin unka dard kam nahi hua. Waisay bhi mujhay to subah say hi unki tabi'at theek nahi lag rahi thi. Wo lait ga'aiy laikin kucch hi dair baad unho nay ulti kar di jis say mein buhat ghabra gai aur faisla kiya kay unhay foran Hospital lay kar jaana chaahiay. Mein nay soccha kay nokron ka alaawa bhi to mairay saath koi ho to behtar ho ga.
Mein nay apnay sab say barray bhai kay ghar phone kiya jo Pindi mein rehtay thay. Mairay bhatijay Amjad nay phone uthaaya to mein nay usay saari baat batai aur kaha kay wo bhai jan ko lay kar Hospital a’aiy. Uss nay mujh say Hospital ka naam poocha aur kaha kay mein Khalid kay saath Hospital puhanchoon wo Bhai jan ko lay kar waheen aa raha hai. Uss nay mujhay ye bhi kaha kay Phupi Nadira aap paraishaan na hoon sab theek ho ja’aiy ga. Uss ki iss baat say mairi barri himmat bandhi.
Mein apnay driver kay humraah Hospital ki Emergency puhanchi. Kucch hi dair mein Bhai jan aur Amjad wahaan aa ga’aiy. Mein nay unhay bataaya kay Khalid kay mukhtalif tests kiay ja rahay hain aur uss kay baad hi kucch pata chal sakay ga. Mein buhat bokhlai hui thi aur ye daikh kar un dono nay mujhay barra dalaasa diya. Issi tension ki haalat mein hum teeno Khalid kay tests kay results ka intizaar karnay lagay.
Kucch dair baad aik doctor nay humain bataaya kay Khalid kay appendex mein infection ho gaya hai laikin wo phata nahi hai aur ussay operation kay zarye jisam say nikaalna parray ga. Agar aisa na kiya gaya aur appendex phat gaya to unki jaan kay liay bhi khatra ban sakta hai. Uss nay ye bhi kaha kay iss waqt Khalid ki haalat stable hai aur operation kay baad chand roz mein hi wo behtar ho ja’ain gay. Hum nay ye sun kar sakoon ka saans liya kiyonkay ye koi serious baat nahi thi. Appendex kay operation to roz hi hua kartay hain aur amooman iss say koi masla paida nahi hota.
Khalid ko aik private kamray mein muntaqil kar diya gaya. Amjad nay Bhai jan say kaha kay wo ghar chalay ja’ayain wo khud mairay saath Hospital mein raat kay liay ruk ja’aiy ga. Bhai jan chalay ga’aiy to mein nay iss humdardi par Amjad ka buhat shukriya ada kiya. Uss nay jawaab diya kay iss museebat kay waqt mein wo mujhay akaila to nahi cchorr sakta kiyonkay Khalid ki daikh bhaal kay liay kisi mard ka Hospital mein teharna zaroori hai. Mujhay uss waqt wo buhat zimaydaar aur accha insaan laga.
Mein iss liay bhi uss ki ziyaada shukar-guzaar thi kay maira apni doosri behno ki nisbat Bhai jan kay ghar aana jaana buhat kum tha. Iss ki waja humaaray ta’aluqaat ki kharaabi nahi thi kiyonkay mein siraf unkay haan hi nahi kisi ki taraf bhi ziyaada nahi jaaya karti thi. Maira ghar say nikalna hi kum hota tha. Amjad albata kabhi kabhaar mairay ghar zaroor aa jaaya karta tha aur mujh say kisi na kisi khaanay ki farmaish karta. Bhai jan say ziyaada to mein Amjad say mila karti thi. Shayad issi liay mairay phone kay baad uss nay Hospital aanay mein aik munute ki bhi dair nahi lagai thi aur ab maray saath wahaan ruk bhi raha tha.
Private kamra buhat accha tha jis mein television, telephone, refrigerator aur aik sofa-cum-bed mojood thay. Khalid ko dard mein afaaqay kay liay koi dawa di gai thi jis ki waja say wo jald hi aaraam say so ga’aiy. Mein nay aur Amjad nay wo raat kursiyon par baithay baithay hi guzaar di. Aglay din bila-taakheer Khalid ka operation kar diya gaya. Unho nay mazeed teen ya chaar din hospital mein rehna tha. Unka operation barra kaamyaab raha tha aur doctors ka khayaal tha kay wo chaar say cchay haftay mein bilkul theek ho ja’ayian gay. Hosh mein aanay kay baad un par agarchay neend ka ghalba rehta tha laikin ab wo buhat behtar mehsoos kar rahay thay.
Mein aur Amjad dono ab zehni tanao say nikal aa’aiy thay. Wo na siraf Khalid ki daikh bhaal kar raha tha balkay maira bhi buhat khayaal rakh raha tha. Kabhi baahar say mairay liay ice cream lay kar aa jaata kabhi juice aur kabhi coke kay tin. Mairay buhat mana karnay par bhi wo baaz nahi aaya aur mujhay baar baar khianch kar Hospital ki cafeteria mein lay jaata aur kehta kay Phupi Nadira ab Uncle Khalid theek hain aap bhi relax ho ja’ain, kha’ain peeain, khailain koodain, aiash karain. Agar aap kamzor ho gaeen to aur bhi ziyaada lambi lagain gi. Mein hans parrti to kehta kay ye hui na baat. Mein kamray mein kursi par baithay baithay thak jaati to wo mujhay walk karwaanay kay liay Hospital kay wasee-o-areez lawn mein lay jaata aur zabardasti ice cream khilaatay huay khoob baatain karta rehta. Aik din mein hi aisa lagnay laga tha jaisay wo aur mein humaisha say saath hi rehtay aa’iay hon.
Khalid kay operation waalay hi din shaam ko Hospital kay lawn mein mujhay pehli dafa achanak ye ehsaas hua kay Amjad mujhay baar baar kucch ajeeb aur ghair-maanoos si nazron say daikhta hai. Ye nazrain mairay bhatijay ki nahi theen balkay aik baaligh mard ki theen. Ye aik aisay mard ki nazrain theen jo aurat kay badan say waaqif tha aur jis ki poori tawajo mairay jisam kay mukhtalif hisson par markooz thi. Wo ghair-zaroori tor par mairay qareeb honay ki koshish karta rehta tha. Har aurat ki tarah mairi sixth sense bhi iss maamlay mein buhat taiz hai. Mein nay mehsoos kiya kay wo mairay mammon aur chootarron mein khaas tor say dilchaspi lay raha hai. Uss ki aankhain thorri thorri dair baad mairay mammon say jaisay chipak si jaati theen.
Mairay zehan ko aik jhatka sa laga kay ye kaisay ho sakta hai. Laikin phir mein nay apnay aap ko samjhaaya kay mein bila-waja hi apnay bhatijay kay baaray mein aisi buri baat socch rahi hoon wo kabhi aisa khayaal bhi dil mein nahi la sakta. Saaray mard hi auraton ko aisi nazron say daikhtay hain magar phupi aur bhatija? Ye kis dunya mein hua karta hai? Yaqeenan mein ghalat soch rahi thi. Shayad Khalid ki beemaari nay mujhay paraishaan kar diya tha jis say mairi zehan par bura asar parra tha. Waisay bhi jo mein socch rahi thi wo kisi bhi tor say hona mumkin nahi tha.
Humaaray rishtay kay alaawa mairi aur uss ki umar ka wazeh farq bhi mujhay ye sochnay par majboor kar raha tha kay mein aik buhat barri ghalat-fehmi ya khush-fehmi ka shikaar ho rahi hoon. Wo apni 38-saala phupi mein jo do bacchon ki ma’an thi kiyon dilchaspi laita? Wo jawaan tha aur ussay apni hum-umar larrkiyaan aasaani say mil sakti theen. Uss ki umar moj masti ki thi aur mairay jaisi ghair-dilchasp aur gharailoo qisam ki aurat kay saath uss ka koi jorr nahi banta tha. Jawaan, ghair-shaadi shuda aur chulbuli larrkiyon par bhala wo mujhay kaisay tarjeeh day sakta tha. Mein thorra buhat to jaanti hi thi kay uss ki zindagi mein kai larrkiyaan aa chuki theen aur shayad ab bhi theen. Phir mairi taraf uss ka jhukao samajh mein na aanay waali baat thi. Ye socch kar mein buhat hud tak mutma’in ho gai aur in khadshaat ko apnay zehan say nikaal baahar kiya.
Laikin aglay din kucch aisa hua kay maira shak yaqeen mein badal gaya. Dopehar kay waqt jab Khalid soay huay thay aur mein unkay bed ki chaadar theek kar rahi thi Amjad pata nahi kiyon mairay peechay say guzra aur uss nay apna haath mairay chootarron kay saath ragrra. Mujhay apnay aik chootarr kay oopar uss kay haath ka ba-qaida dabao mehsoos hua. Aisa laga jaisay uss nay mairay chootarron ko ko tatola ho. Kisi bhi aurat kay liay ye mushkil nahi hota kay wo apnay badan par mard ka haath mehsoos karay aur ye na samjhay kay wo haath kiya karna chaahta hai. Jo kucch Amjad nay kiya tha ghalti say nahi ho sakta tha kiyonkay wahaan kaafi jagah thi aur agar wo chaahta to aaraam say mujh say takra’aiy baghair guzar sakta tha.
Hairat ki jagah ab ghussay nay lay li aur maira paara charrhnay laga kay wo apni phupi kay saath aisi gandi harkat kar raha hai. Pata nahi aik acchay bhalay jawaan larrkay ko kiya ho gaya hai jo apnay say kaheen barri umar ki aurat mein iss tarah ki dil-chaspi lay raha hai? Laikin mein ye socch kar chup rahi kay uss nay na siraf Khalid ki beemaari mein maira buhat saath diya tha balkay in chand dino mein maira aur uss ka rishta barra qurbat waala ho gaya tha. Agar mein uss say baat karti bhi to ho sakta tha kay wo saaf mukar jaata aur mujhay kehta kay aap ye kaisi baat kar rahi hain mein nay aisa kucch nahi kiya. Mein kis tarah saabit karti kay jo mein keh rahi hoon wo sahi hai? Iss tarah karnay say maira uss kay saath ta’aluq bhi kharaab hota aur apnay bhai kay saath bhi.
Ye waqt bhi aisa nahi tha kay mein koi hungaama kharra karti aur Khalid ko paraishaan karti. Aur agar ye baat baahar nikalti to khaandaan waalon ko bhi ulti seedhi baatain karnay ka moqa mil jaata. Khaandaanon mein aisi baatain aanan faanan phail jaati hain. Mein aisa kucch nahi karna chaahti thi jis ki waja say koi bhi mujh par hans sakay. Pata nahi aisa karna ghalat tha ya sahi laikin mein nay Amjad ki iss harkat ko bhi nazar-andaaz karnay ki koshish ki aur apnay rawayay say ye zaahir nahi honay diya kay mein uss kay dil kay chor ko jaan gai hoon. Mein bilkul pehlay hi ki tarah behave karti rahi.
Laikin ab mein khamoshi say uss ki harkaat-o-saknaat ko zaroor ba-ghor daikhnay lagi. Waaqai wo nazar bacha kar baar baar mairay mammon ki taraf daikhta tha aur bahaanay bahaanay say mairay qareeb honay ki koshish karta tha. Kamray mein teen chaar nurses ka aana jaana laga rehta tha aur un mein say aik kaafi jawaan aur khush-shakal bhi thi. Mein unkay aanay par Amjad kay rad-e-amal ko daikha karti thi laikin ye ajeeb baat thi kay uss nay kabhi kisi bhi nurse mein bilkul koi dil-chaspi nahi li. Aik taraf to ye tha jabkay doosri taraf mairay saath uss ki mastiyaan musalsal barrhti hi ja rahi theen.
Ussi raat hum walk kay liay lawn mein ga’aiy. Lawn kay kinaaron par lagay huay lamp posts kay zard zard bulb jal rahay thay magar koi buhat ziyaada roshni nahi thi. Amjad nay baaton kay doraan mairi kamar mein haath daal diya aur mairay baazoo kay neechay say mairay ba’ayain mammay ki side par dabao daala. Mein nay ab bhi koi reaction zaahir nahi kiya. Uss nay kaafi dair tak baatain kartay kartay mairay mammay par apna haath rakha rehnay diya. Mairay badan mein bijli si dorr gai. Lagta tha kay ussay mairay mammay kucch ziyaada hi pasand thay aur wo unhay haath lagaanay say apnay aap ko rok nahi pa raha tha. Mein iss tarah dopatta orrha to nahi karti thi magar ab uss say bachnay kay liay mein apnay dopattay kay andar jis had tak apnay mammon ko cchupa sakti thi chupaanay lagi.
Teesray din aik aur barra ajeeb waaqiya hua. Amjad shaam ko nahaanay dhonay kay liay apnay ghar chala gaya aur raat ko kaafi late waapas aaya. Khalid uss waqt tak so chukay thay. Jab wo kamray mein daakhil hua to uss nay Khalid ki taraf daikha aur muskuraatay huay barray normal andaaz mein mujh say galay mila. Laikin galay miltay miltay uss nay apna aik haath mairay dopattay kay neechay kiya aur barri bay-khofi say maira aik mamma apnay haath mein pakarr liya. Ye mehaz haath lagaana nahi tha balkay uss nay mairay pooray mammay ko haath mein lay rakha tha. Mujh say galay milnay kay chand seconds kay doraan uss nay maira mamma apnay haath mein hi rakha aur phir mujh say alag hotay huay brassiere kay ooapr hi say ussay halka sa dabaaya. Mein to uss ki deeda-dalairi pay hairat-zada hi reh gai. Mein apnay beemaar shohar kay saamnay ussay kucch keh kar koi talkhi paida nahi karna chaahti thi iss liay khaamosh rahi. Wo kamray mein baith gaya aur aisay zaahir karnay laga jaisay kucch hua hi na ho.
Mein socchnay lagi. Uss kay rawayay say ye andaaza nahi lagaaya ja sakta tha kay uss kay dil mein kucch aisa hai. Wo saara saara din mujh say bay-tahaasha baatain karta laikn ab tak uss kay munh say koi qaabil-e-aitraaz baat nahi nikli thi. Laikin aik aurat honay kay naatay mujhay uss ki aankhon mein sex ki nangi hawas naachti hui saaf nazar aa rahi thi. Mairay zehan mein ab koi shak-o-shuba nahi reh gaya tha kay maira bhatija mujhay chodna chaahta tha aur iss maqsad kay liay mujhay raazi karnay ki koshish kar raha tha. Ziyaada paraishaan-kun baat ye thi kay uss kay haath din-ba-din bay-qaboo hi hotay ja rahay thay. Wo din mein kai kai dafa mukhtalif heelay bahaano say mairay mammon aur chootarron ko haath lagaata tha. Iss mein bhi koi shaq nahi tha kay mairi khaamoshi say bhi uss ki himmat barrh rahi thi. Mujhay ussay buhat pehlay hi rok laina chaahiay tha. Ab maira zehan issi sawaal mein uljha hua tha kay ussay roknay kay liay kiya tareeqa ikhtiyaar karoon kay saamp bhi mar ja’aiy aur laathi bhi na tootay.
Uss din wo ghar say Bermuda shorts pehan kar aaya tha jo ghutno tak lambay aur buhat khulay huay nickers hotay hain. Raat kay picchlay pehar jab Khalid gehri neend soiy huay thay mein refrigerator say shayad paani nikaalnay kay liay utthi. Amjad bhi ussi waqt kisi bahaanay say utha aur mairay peechay aa kar barri bay-sharmi kay saath mairay chootarron par apna poora haath phaira. Mein refrigerator ka darwaaza band kar kay murri to mujhay nazar aaya kay uss kay Bermuda shorts mein uss ka lund kharra hua hai aur raano kay beech waali jagah kaafi ubhri hui hai. Uss kay lund ka ubhaar beech mein nahi balkay aik side par tha jisay daikh kar mein keh sakti thi uss nay underwear nahi pehna hua tha. Uss nay foran sorry kaha jaisay ye sab ghalti say hua tha.
Ab wo shayad mujhay saaf tor say baawar kara raha tha kay uss ka lund mairi choot mein jaanay kay liay bay-taab hai. Baat ab yahaan tak puhanch gai thi kay haathon kay saath saath uss ka lund bhi bay-qaaboo ho raha tha. Sofa-cum-bed par baithtay huay uss nay daikh liya kay mein nay uss kay kharray huay lund par nazar daali hai. Wo kucch bola nahi magar mujhay aisay laga jaisay uss kay honton par bilkul khafeef si muskurahat aa gai ho. Haan uss ka chehray aur body language say pata chal raha tha kay wo buhat garam ho chuka hai. Uss nay apnay akrray huay lund ko mujh say cchupaanay ki bhi koi koshish nahi ki. Wo ye baat mujh tak saaf tor say puhancha daina chaahta tha kay uss ki nazar mairi choot par hai.
Mein samjh gai kay agar ussay moqa milta to wo mairi choot mein apna lund ghusaanay mein aik lamhay ki bhi dair na karta. Ye socch kar kay na-jaanay uss nay khayaalon hi khayaalon mein kitni dafa mairi choot maari ho gi mein sharminda si ho gai. Jab rishton kay bharam tootnay lagtay hain to taqleef to hoti hi hai. Ye bhi kucch aisi hi baat thi. Mein nay barri sanjeedgi say soccha kay uss kay saath alehdgi mein baat karoon aur samjhaaon kay wo aisa na karay magar na-jaanay kiyon himmat nahi parri.
Waisay Amjad nay abhi tak mairay saath koi aisi baat nahi ki thi jis say mein andaaza laga sakti kay wo mujhay pataanay ki koshish kar raha hai. Wo zabaan kay bajaiy apnay haathon say kaam lay raha tha. Mairay mammon ko pakarrnay aur chootarron par baar baar haath phairnay kay alaawa uss nay abhi tak aur kucch nahi kiya tha. Agar ye sab kucch wo mehaz tafreeh kay liay kar raha tha aur in maamlaat ko siraf yaheen tak rakhna chaahta tha to mairi gand ko haath lagaatay huay uss ka lund kiyon kharra ho gaya tha? Aur agar aisa ho hi gaya tha to uss nay apnay lund ko mujh say cchupaanay ki koshish kiyon nahi ki? Kiya uss kay kharray huay lund ko daikh kar mujhay andaaza na ho jaata kay wo mujhay chodna chaahta hai? Aisi soorat mein baat tafreeh tak to na rehti. Mein bilkul samajh nahi pa rahi thi kay uss kay zehan mein kiya tha.
Haan ab uss mein aik aur tabdeeli aa rahi thi. Pehlay uss ki aankhon mein siraf aur siraf sex ki hawas hoti thi laikin ab mein nay mehsoos kiya kay wo mairay chehray ko barray muhabbat bharay andaaz mein daikhta rehta hai. Dair tak baghair palak jhapkaiy jaisay mairay naqoosh ko apnay dil kay andar utaar laina chaahta ho. Mein khaalis hawas aur khaalis muhabbat kay farq say waaqif thi. Khaalis hawas aurat kay badan kay gird ghoomti hai laikin khaalis muhabbat uss kay badan aur shakhsiyat dono ka ihaata karti hai. Mujhay yaqeen hota ja raha tha kay wo mujh say muhabbat karnay laga hai aur ab baat siraf sex ki khaahish tak nahi reh gai.
Issi doraan mairay dil mein do tarah kay ehsaasaat nay janam laina shuru kiya. Aik ghussay ka ehsaas aur doosra dabi dabi khushi ka ehsaas. Mujhay ghusa to iss liay aa raha tha kay maira bhatija honay kay bawajood uss nay ye socchnay ki bhi jurrat kaisay ki kay wo mujhay chodna chaahay ga aur mein ussay aisa karnay doon gi. Uss nay kiya mujhay itnay hi kamzor kirdaar ki aurat samajh rakha tha? Ussay maloom hona chaahiay tha kay mein aisi aurat nahi thi. Agar mein shaadi-shuda aur do bachon ki ma’an hotay huay apnay bhatijay ko choot dainay par raazi ho jaati to wo kiya samjhta kay uss ki phupi kis qisam ki aurat hai. Ye to intihai buri harkat hoti.
Laikin mairay dil kay kisi hissay mein ye baat khushi ka baa’is bhi ban rahi thi kay maira saga bhatija hotay huay bhi wo mairay liay paagal ho raha tha aur apnay haathon ko mairay badan say door nahi rakh pa raha tha. Mein nay to 20 saal ki umar bhi kisi mein apnay liay aisi deewaangi nahi daikhi thi. Mujh mein kucch to aisa tha jis nay ussay deewaana bana diya tha. Mairi umar ki kisi aurat mein agar kisi mard kay liay itni sex appeal ho to wo kisi say kucch kahay ya na kahay magar andar hi andar ussay iss baat ki khushi zaroor hoti hai.
Mairay dimaagh mein in do ehsaasaat mein shayad jang chal rahi thi. Phir daikhtay hi daikhtay khushi nay ghusay ko shikast day di aur mein Amjad ki harkaton ko halkay halkay khof kay saath enjoy karnay lagi. Hairat ki baat to ye thi kay acchi tarah jaan lainay kay baad bhi kay wo mairi choot maarna chaahta hai mein apnay aap ko ussay roknay par raazi nahi kar pa rahi thi aur aik ajeeb tazabzub ka shikaar thi. Mujhay uss say koi aisa khof bhi mehsoos nahi ho raha tha jo kisi shareef aurat ko aisay mard say hona chaahiay jo uss ki choot laina chaahta ho. Mein to balkay ulta in sab baaton kay bawajood uss ka kucch ziyaada hi khayaal rakhnay lagi thi.
Chothay din mein mein kucch dair kay liay Hospital say ghar gai to waapas aanay say pehlay naha dho kar mein nay accha khaasa make-up kar liya. Laikin phir apnay aap ko aa’eenay mein daikh kar mujhay khayaal aaya kay ye mein kiya kar rahi hoon? Iss tarah make up kar kay to mein Amjad ko khula khula paighaam day rahi hoon kay mujhay bhi uss mein dilchaspi hai. Mein nay foran apna make up kaafi kum kar diya laikin phir bhi aam dino say kucch ziyaada hi banao singhaar kiya. Aa’enay kay saamnay baar baar mairi nazrain apnay mammon parr rahi theen aur buhat arsay kay baad aisa hua tha kay unkay motay aur barray barray ubhaar mujhay buhat acchay lag rahay thay. Jo kucch mein kar rahi thi wo bhi barri sharamnaak aur paraishaan-kun baat thi jis nay mujhay apni dimaaghi haalat kay baaray mein socchnay par majboor kar diya.
Shaadi kay baad mairi zindagi barri pur-sakoon aur therao waali rahi thi aur uss mein kisi qisam kay josh-o-walwalay ya suspense ka koi ansar nahi tha. Mairay roz-o-shab mein kisi an-honi ki koi gunja’ish nazar nahi aati thi. Laikin maira bhatija mairay saath jo kucch kar raha tha wo kisi an-honi say kum nahi tha. Mein to kabhi socch bhi nahi sakti thi kay shaadi kay 13 baras baad mairay saath aisa bhi ho sakta hai. Shayad issi liay mein dil hi dil mein uss ki harkaton say lutf-andoz ho rahi thi. Laikin iss ka ye matlab har giz nahi hai kay mein uss say apni choot marwaana chaahti thi. Mairay liay aisa socchna bhi taqleef aur karahat ka baa’is tha. Siraf itna tha kay uss ki harkatain mujhay aik mua’mmay aur mystery ki tarah dil-chasp lagnay lagi theen aur mairi ruki hui zindagi jaisay sarpat dorrnay lagi thi.
Yehi wo waqt tha jab mein nay pehli dafa in**st kay baaray mein soccha. Aisa socchna qudrati tha kiyonkay maira bhatija mujhay chod kar in**st hi to karna chaahta tha. Mujhay hairat hui kay in**st ka khayaal mairay jazbaat ko buhat buri tarah bharrka raha tha. Zindagi mein pehlay kabhi mein nay aisa mehsoos nahi kiya tha kiyonkay in**st ko mein bhi saari dunya ki tarah buhat buri harkat samjhti thi. Laikin ab in**st ka khayaal mujhay garam kar raha tha. Mein khaas tor say ma’an aur baitay kay jinsi ta’aluqaat ka socch kar buhat garam ho rahi thi aur barri koshishon say apnay oopar qaaboo rakha hua tha ta kay Khalid ya khud Amjad mairi haalat say aagaah na ho ja’ain. Mujhay dar tha kay kaheen koi mairay zehan ko parrh na lay.
Mein nay kucch arsa pehlay aik English film daikhi thi jis ka naam “Spanking the Monkey” tha. Ye film aik baitay kay apni ma’an kay saath jinsi ta’aluqaat kay baray mein thi. Baar baar iss film kay manaazir mairay zehan mein gardish karnay lagtay aur mein garam honay lagti. Mujhay apnay pooray badan mein aik garam gudgudi ka ehsaas honay lagta aur dil chaahta kay koi mairay badan kay mukhtalif hisson ko haath laga’aiy. Mairay gardan kay picclay hissay aur mammon mein ye gudgudi ziyaada hoti thi. Mairay pait mein bhi halki halki phuljharryaan cchootnay lagteen aur choot geeli honay lagti. Uss waqt mairi shadeed khaahish hoti kay mein kisi tarah khalaas ho ja’aoon aur na-jaanay kiyon mujhay yaqeen tha agar aisa hua to mein barray zabardast tareeqay say kai dafa khalaas hon gi.
Mujhay buhat arsay kay baad iss tarah garam honay ka tajarba ho raha tha jis mein barra maza tha. Mein musalsal garam thi aur maira badan normal nahi ho pa raha tha. Mairay dimaagh mein achanak ye baat aai kay iss waqt mairi choot ko aik kharray huay lund ki buhat ziyaada zaroorat hai. Mein nay tasawwur ki aankh say daikha kay aik mota akrra hua lund mairay saamnay hai. Phir wo lund mairi choot kay andar baahar honay laga. Mard ka akrray huay lund ka khayaal aam haalaat mein bhi mujhay paagal kar daita tha aur iss waqt to mein buhat hi garam thi. Apnay badan ki barrhti hui tapish mujhay paraishaan kar rahi thi aur mein kisi na kisi tarah apni choot marwaana chaahti thi ta kay iss manhoos tension say nijaat mil sakay. Laikin Khalid iss position mein nahi thay kay mujhay chod kar thanda kar saktay. Mein bas sabar kiay baithi rahi.
Laikin phir mujhay apni socchon par buhat afsos bhi honay lagta tha. Mujhay yon lagta tha jaisay mein buhat barra gunaah kar baithi hoon. Zaahir hai kay in**st mein mairi dilchaspi apnay bhatijay ki harkaton ki waja say paida hui thi. Magar apnay zameer kay kachokon kay bawajood mein in**st ko apnay zehan say nikaal nahi pa rahi thi. Mujhay baar baar yehi khayaal aa raha tha kay agar Khalid theek hotay to mein un say chudwa kar apnay aap ko thanda kar laiti magar ab kiya karoon? Pata nahi wo kitnay arsay kay baad mujhay chodnay kay qaabil ho sakain gay? Mein nay thorri afsurdgi kay saath soccha. Phir achanak mujhay Amjad kay lund ka khayaal aaya. Uss ka lund kaisa ho ga? Wo agar kisi aurat ko choday to kaisay choday ga? Iss zaleel khayaal kay zehan mein aatay hi mein sharam say paani paani ho gai. Mein nay ussay paida hotay hi daikha tha aur ab mein uss kay baaray mein aisi ghaleez baat socch rahi thi. Mujhay Amjad par ghussa bhi aa raha tha jis ki harkaton ki waja say mairi ye haalat ho gai thi. Ajeeb kashmakash ka aalum tha.
Jab maira ehsaas-e-gunaah kucch ziyaada hi barrh gaya to mein nay soccha kay iss qisam ki baatain siraf mairay zehan ki had tak hi to hain mein koi Amjad say chudwa to nahi rahi jo mujhay ehsaas-e-gunaah nay itna tung kiya hua hai. Jo kucch ho raha hai uss ki taraf say ho raha hai mein to ussay aisa karnay ko nahi keh rahi. Agar mein kucch buri baatain socch kar garam ho rahi hoon aur mujhay accha lag raha hai to iss say koi qayaamat to nahi aa ja’aiy gi. Ye sab kucch to mairay dimaagh kay andar hai haqeeqat say to iss ka koi ta’aluq nahi. Mujhay ye bhi khayaal aaya kay aik din baad jab Khalid Hospital say discharge ho ja’ain gay to ye baat bhi humaisha humaisha kay liay khatam ho ja’aiy gi aur mairi zindagi phir normal ho ja’aiy gi.
Aglay din Khalid ko Hospital say discharge kar kay ghar bhaij diya gaya. Unho nay abhi kai din bed par hi rehna tha. Amjad mujhay aur Khalid ko ghar tak cchorrnay aaya aur kucch dair ruka bhi. Mein nay aur Khalid nay uss ka buhat shukriya ada kiya kay mushkil ki iss gharri mein uss nay humaari barri madad ki. Uss nay kaha kay aisi koi baat nahi aur wo phir bhi Khalid ki tabi’yat ka poochnay chakar lagaata rahay ga. Ye sun kar mairay dil mein ajeeb si halchal hui. Mein samajh nahi pai kay mein ussay apnay ghar aanay say rokna chaahti thi ya uss kay yahaan aanay par khush ho rahi thi.
Jab wo jaanay kay liay utha to mein ussay cchorrnay kamray kay baahar tuk aai. Maira khayaal tha wo jaatay huay phir mujh say galay milay ga aur mairay mammon ko haath laga’iay ga. Brassiere kay andar mairay mammon kay nipples mein kucch ho raha tha. Shayad wo akarr rahay thay. Mein apnay chehray kay ta’asuraat ko bilkul normal rakhtay huay Amjad say baghal-geer honay kay liay khud hi uss ki taraf barrhi. Laikin uss nay iss dafa kucch bhi nahi kiya aur barri sharafat say mujh say galay mil kar salaam kiya aur chala gaya. Mujhay thorri hairat bhi hui aur kucch mayoosi bhi.
Uss din mein yehi socchti rahi kay Amjad nay jaatay huay mairay mammon ya chootarron ko haath kiyon nahi lagaaya? Kiya uss ka dil mujh say bhar gaya tha? Kaheen aisa to nahi kay wo mujh say dar kar peechay hut gaya ho? Laikin mein nay to uss ki kisi harkat par ussay toka nahi tha to phir ussay kis baat ka dar tha? Ye bhi ho sakta tha kay mujhay haath lagaanay kay baad mairay badan ka lams ussay pasand na aaya ho aur us kay khayaalaat mairay baaray mein badal ga’aiy hon. Laikin phir uss ki aankhon mein muhabbat bhari hui kiyon nazar aati thi? Mujhay kucch samajh nahi aa raha tha.
Mein kamray mein waapas aa gai aur soccha kay Khalid theek hon gay to un say ji bhar kay choot marwaoon gi.
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