04-08-2019, 10:53 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-08-2019, 10:59 AM by Antar. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
# 5
After she had left, I stayed put in the bed wondering, what in heaven’s name was I doing. I had clutched her hand on purpose and though she hadn’t uttered a word, what must she have thought! Oh my god. It was getting worse and worse. Would I have the courage to face her again?
I swung my legs off the four-poster and marched to the bathroom. Half an hour later, I had tied my shoe laces and climbed downstairs. Dolly waved me over to the dining table with that dazzling smile. Old Ramu was setting up the plates before the couple and her husband looked up quizzically.
“You must be Tarun”, I avoided shaking hands with him what with the guilt racking up inside, “Look, I am so sorry. Something just turned up. I will see you all later.”
Dolly’s smile froze on her pace as I bounded out.
Bahadur, I never knew his real name, was the gurkha lad who was both guard and gardener as well as being the handyman about - was vigorously working away the weeds with a rake. I held out a 500 rupee note and raised up two fingers. He smiled glad for the tips to follow which had somewhat dried up during the past week. After all my poison was his income too.
I was walking in the neatly laid out streets of the city and wondering about my condition “caught between the devil and the deep sea. Betwixt and between” - as they say. What was I supposed to do? The sunlight and the broad outdoors helped to clear my thoughts. I was trying to remember, what all I could about the Benaras visit, the repugnant foul odor emanating from the reddish blob of flesh that was IT, the overpowering masculinity of the Adonis, its serpentine tongue caressing Dolly”s face, the strange conditions that IT had put before me and Dolly”s guileless smiles “ enough. I could easily lose it here.
Rational thoughts surfaced. If this was something to do with Christianity, then a Church would probably be my answer. They had those exorcism rituals, holy water and hopefully some consecrated silver stuff “all those Nicholas Cage stuff. Maybe I was dealing with a fallen angel “and my head really started swimming now. Hell be darned! What the hell has a fallen angel got to do with a 100 per cent ordinary ***** who had never ever sat a foot inside of a church.
It was a catholic church as the board outside made it out to be. Vaguely, I was thinking of the schisms in Christianity. Would a protestant one be a better choice or maybe a roman catholic or whatsoever? I was so unequal to the task.
Inside of it was empty and there was a bulky bodied personage, a father or padre - whatever you call them - leaning down in the prayer position. I advanced to him and worked up the courage.
“Father, I need to talk to you”, his demeanor was unchanged, “I am a *****”, his brows shot up marginally, “I have been seeing the Devil or Satan if you please”.
Silently he pointed at the door on the right. “Wait for me there. I will be right along.”
I was so glad. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? Had I been so drowned in my thoughts that I was bereft of both the instincts of survival as well as reason?
I made my way to the shown room. A massive desk lay in there with a bible opened midway “the sides littered with a lot of stationery. I plumped down at one of the visitor’s chairs and waited. The door at the side opened up and in walked the handsome greek god.
And he was smiling!
They say that primal fear of snakes is deeply embedded in us humans, so much so that if you step on a rope in the dark; instantly it transmits a signal to the central nervous system. Adrenalin is released and all senses come alive, time is slowed down as the body enters into the fight or flight state. After I had run out several streets and could do no more; the images came to mind, my bolting up from the chair as IT’s cackle rang out in the cloistered room, the puzzled face of the padre coming towards me, passersby looking as I ran for my life etc. etc.
It was all over now. I knew I had lost my mind.
A sadness settled down around me. I never had a substance abuse problem before. But it was that vodka and the combination of grief which had done me in so much so that I was now seeing IT inside a church.
I hailed a passing auto. “Take me to a good hospital.”
Past the foyer and before the reception, I looked up at the specialties and the name of doctors. When my turn came, “Give me the Mental Health Department, OPD please.”, I called out. I was resigned to it all.
A cute assistant showed me in to the cubicle and closed the door after I entered. The reassuring smell of Dettol and Phenyle greeted me. The doctor was already there but doing something behind the cloth partition. I started to wonder if, he was already attending to another patient lying on the examination table when he suddenly yanked the curtain away.
On a stool Lisa was sitting completely topless. Her breasts were so engorged the like of which I had never seen before. Latched on to the tits were two horrendous masses of red colored bulbs of flesh, greedily suckling away. Her distended abdomen pointed to advanced stage of pregnancy.
“Meet my new family”, said IT who was now in doctor’s apparel.
After she had left, I stayed put in the bed wondering, what in heaven’s name was I doing. I had clutched her hand on purpose and though she hadn’t uttered a word, what must she have thought! Oh my god. It was getting worse and worse. Would I have the courage to face her again?
I swung my legs off the four-poster and marched to the bathroom. Half an hour later, I had tied my shoe laces and climbed downstairs. Dolly waved me over to the dining table with that dazzling smile. Old Ramu was setting up the plates before the couple and her husband looked up quizzically.
“You must be Tarun”, I avoided shaking hands with him what with the guilt racking up inside, “Look, I am so sorry. Something just turned up. I will see you all later.”
Dolly’s smile froze on her pace as I bounded out.
Bahadur, I never knew his real name, was the gurkha lad who was both guard and gardener as well as being the handyman about - was vigorously working away the weeds with a rake. I held out a 500 rupee note and raised up two fingers. He smiled glad for the tips to follow which had somewhat dried up during the past week. After all my poison was his income too.
I was walking in the neatly laid out streets of the city and wondering about my condition “caught between the devil and the deep sea. Betwixt and between” - as they say. What was I supposed to do? The sunlight and the broad outdoors helped to clear my thoughts. I was trying to remember, what all I could about the Benaras visit, the repugnant foul odor emanating from the reddish blob of flesh that was IT, the overpowering masculinity of the Adonis, its serpentine tongue caressing Dolly”s face, the strange conditions that IT had put before me and Dolly”s guileless smiles “ enough. I could easily lose it here.
Rational thoughts surfaced. If this was something to do with Christianity, then a Church would probably be my answer. They had those exorcism rituals, holy water and hopefully some consecrated silver stuff “all those Nicholas Cage stuff. Maybe I was dealing with a fallen angel “and my head really started swimming now. Hell be darned! What the hell has a fallen angel got to do with a 100 per cent ordinary ***** who had never ever sat a foot inside of a church.
It was a catholic church as the board outside made it out to be. Vaguely, I was thinking of the schisms in Christianity. Would a protestant one be a better choice or maybe a roman catholic or whatsoever? I was so unequal to the task.
Inside of it was empty and there was a bulky bodied personage, a father or padre - whatever you call them - leaning down in the prayer position. I advanced to him and worked up the courage.
“Father, I need to talk to you”, his demeanor was unchanged, “I am a *****”, his brows shot up marginally, “I have been seeing the Devil or Satan if you please”.
Silently he pointed at the door on the right. “Wait for me there. I will be right along.”
I was so glad. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? Had I been so drowned in my thoughts that I was bereft of both the instincts of survival as well as reason?
I made my way to the shown room. A massive desk lay in there with a bible opened midway “the sides littered with a lot of stationery. I plumped down at one of the visitor’s chairs and waited. The door at the side opened up and in walked the handsome greek god.
And he was smiling!
They say that primal fear of snakes is deeply embedded in us humans, so much so that if you step on a rope in the dark; instantly it transmits a signal to the central nervous system. Adrenalin is released and all senses come alive, time is slowed down as the body enters into the fight or flight state. After I had run out several streets and could do no more; the images came to mind, my bolting up from the chair as IT’s cackle rang out in the cloistered room, the puzzled face of the padre coming towards me, passersby looking as I ran for my life etc. etc.
It was all over now. I knew I had lost my mind.
A sadness settled down around me. I never had a substance abuse problem before. But it was that vodka and the combination of grief which had done me in so much so that I was now seeing IT inside a church.
I hailed a passing auto. “Take me to a good hospital.”
Past the foyer and before the reception, I looked up at the specialties and the name of doctors. When my turn came, “Give me the Mental Health Department, OPD please.”, I called out. I was resigned to it all.
A cute assistant showed me in to the cubicle and closed the door after I entered. The reassuring smell of Dettol and Phenyle greeted me. The doctor was already there but doing something behind the cloth partition. I started to wonder if, he was already attending to another patient lying on the examination table when he suddenly yanked the curtain away.
On a stool Lisa was sitting completely topless. Her breasts were so engorged the like of which I had never seen before. Latched on to the tits were two horrendous masses of red colored bulbs of flesh, greedily suckling away. Her distended abdomen pointed to advanced stage of pregnancy.
“Meet my new family”, said IT who was now in doctor’s apparel.
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