Adultery Anitya and Siddharth, life beckons by Trambak-COMPLETED

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Chapter-10: The letter

Hey Listen

How are you? I am fine.

Never wrote a letter ever in my life except in college. Don't know how to start it. Remember we had to start with Dear or Respected and then say I beg to state that due to urgent piece of work and so on.

I tried to write something. Dear is, ok but what next. People write darling, honey, babe but I really feel embarrassed writing any of them because I have lost that right. Forever. So, I wrote Listen.

Look, I know, you would say, why this? Yes, I don't know. First, I thought, I will write you, ask for forgiveness and ask you to come back. But why would you accept it? Who will? For the last eight months now, you are gone. I have sent you away. We have met each other sometime but I could not tell you what I wanted to. So, I am writing this letter and it will be full of mistakes. I heard you are now working in a college, so it will be worse for you, as a teacher.

Remember? When I first met you outside your college, you were with your friend and I just bumped into you. You were so beautiful that I could not shift my gaze from your face. You had said hello and I had mumbled something. We met again. And I married you soon. You know, I, then was never comfortable with my popularity with the girls. I never understood why was it so. But I went with the flow till you came. I know, how lame I sound.

Okay okay let me not beat around the bush. I had too many drawbacks that I am not proud of. First and the most important, my inability to control myself in the company of girls. After our marriage, I tried to control it but I lapsed. Many times. Initially, I had you. But after our daughter was born, your sex drive had become lower. Your priority was more with household work and the children and I felt frustrated. Then these girls came. You were upset and we stopped talking. You withdrew sex from me. It was a punishment that I could not tolerate. It was worse because, I had alternative access to girls who were more than willing. I continued to slip. But, today I will say one truth, I did not love them. Through them I only chased the mirage of fulfilment that I could have only got from you. I think I should have spoken with you but I was never adept at it. But it was you that I always fantasized and many realised that. They tried to copy your hairstyle and even during the most intimate moments with these girls, I always consoled myself that it was you.

Secondly, my obsession with Anitya for one full year. Yes, I did fall in love with her. But how could I control it. You were aloof and I had my physical requirements. Anitya was a Goddess who came into my life. She was provocative and her husband pushed her to me. I had asked him if he was okay and he had said yes. Not once or twice, they continued this relation together with me for nine long months.

For them it was a social experiment tinged with perversion and lust. For me, it was love. I was deeply in love with her. I always wondered that why was this happening? I became a pawn in their experiment. Just a study subject. I was so much in love that I resented Siddharth. This was real. This was different from all other girls.By then you had given up your hopes on me. All the communications that we had were arguments and fights and I fully failed as a husband.

But suddenly, Anitya stopped seeing me. They started it, they fostered it, nurtured it and when their experiment soured they discarded me. And by then, I had lost you.

But my lessons were still not over. You came back and I should have grabbed the opportunity and moved on afresh but I met her again in a party where she wore my jacket and acted with similar passion. I was again confused and thought that I was getting her back. I realised very late that when things go wrong, one identifies the devil as God.

Then Anitya vanished, it was so bizarre. I was worried. It just didn't add up and when you told me that she had come and you had sent her away, I was totally broken. I felt terribly annoyed at you. But what I did was worse.

You moved out. I know that you never had any boyfriend. That was my department. But I tried to find out your whereabouts. Listen, you stayed in a bloody 'chawl'. That was a slap on my face. I should have gone and dragged you back but I had lost all rights. You don't have money and will not accept help from me. Can you tell me, what should I do?
People are not wrong when they say I am the worst. Yes, I am the demon that people say I am. I am the beast with no heart, no compassion. But I loved you and I have lost you. My weaknesses and my selfishness has left me nowhere. I deserve the worst.

But I live on, because I see you every day in my children. Your daughter is becoming like you. She scolds me often and I sometimes feel that a young Avani is standing before me. Actually, the paper I am using to write this letter is from her copy and what a terrible scene she created. Your son misses you. He is too small.

I had felt really bad when he had said that he does not like pav bhaji and dosas and your face showed the disappointment. Unknowingly I have pampered them so much that now they feel bored, to be with you or dislike simple gifts. I was ashamed when they said that. I made sure that pav bhaji is cooked at home often. He now likes it a bit.

But don't you ever think that I will call you back. I won't because for me it's over. You and I must move on. Forgive me if you ever can.

Goodbye.

Sumit

PS: You know, somewhere me and Anitya are similar. Our base instincts are too powerful. Once I had met her in a club on the verge of being bangd by some random guy. I stopped them and then realised that it was actually with her consent. Siddharth was somewhere nearby and probably didn't know. She gave me some cock and bull story. I have done similar things but never without consent. Still, one is a victim and the other, beast.

PS-2: It has taken me 8 days to write this letter.