EROTIC THRILLER মরীচিকা ও মোহময়ী

[afsarghani]

I don’t know how to put it, lets try and start-


at the beginning of the story you showed a fierce mother and wife making a sexual deal with a perverted deranged individual. There we saw her character determination. But soon story pivoted to general step up. If the that deal making and scene before and after that was just for setting up story and character development then I think it is misleading. I don’t know how you will take it. But as an author and literary critic, I have to be honest. The way you build up that sexual deal, there should have been a significant story part dedicated how the main character navigate that life situation. How she  come to terms with having sex with antagonist while maintaining her fierce loyalty and female agency. And simultaneously finding a way to come out from that situation. The way you solved the situation, we called it deus ex machina. I know it may sound bit harsh, but calling spade a spade, the intense buildup was pointless if it was solved that  way and it served just for character development. It could have been much more, a ground breaking story part in bengali erotic literature. 

Now lets move on to other issues – we see main character starting over and new antagonist trying to bed her through his schemes. And again we see she escape through deus ex machina. You see, you are very good at building story and overall character development but you are terrible at resolution and climax phase of a plot or story transition/evolution phase. You either have to show the main character going through the suffering(be it sexual, mental or physical or combination of them) and working on ways to overcome it or main character thwarting the scheme through her own direct action. But in both cases her son  rescue her. It is a very let down. I know you want to evolve relation between main character and her son and story is part incest. But sacrificing plot coherence can be very jarring. You can do both, show main character suffering and testing her female agency and building slow burn relationship between mother and son. 

Now about literary ambition and eroticism conundrum. I know you are trying to make the story erotic literature not porn story. But I think you are writing very dry. You see you can  write high quality plot and character development while still being highly sensual and erotic. Its not that difficult. Show sensuality through main character dress, her night time routine and daily activities. There are many ways to show eroticism. And I am not saying to do it for just reader’s stroke purpose but to be authentic to the genre you are trying to write(it is erotic literature; not literature erotic). It does not have to be sex, sex and sex; description of dress, body parts of each female character throughout chapter can be highly sensual and rewarding to reader. Plus their night time routine, their private moments. And you also have to include sex occasionally. Not necessarily of main character but other characters that are relevant to main plot

and now I don’t know how you plan to write the rest of the story. But let me be very clear, because others will not say this – if main character have sex with only her son or does not suffer sexually and mentally at the hand of other antagonist then the story will be huge let down and plot climax will feel hollow. You see she has to suffer sexually with different person(at least two, either through manipulation/blackmail or through own volition) and suffer(sexually and mentally) and fight back. And through out the whole thing, her son will try to help her mother and they will walk through fire together. And thus they will come close. If she does not have sex with other person and only with her son at the end then there was  no necessity of this sprawling set up. So sprawling you are still adding sub plot and expanding the story.

You see, genre of a story, build up of a story demands  certain things regardless of author intent. Your story demands more sensuality and occasional sex of main character and frequent sex of supporting characters. And sex scene that are integral to plot and character development. Sometimes we as author get   wrapped up in our story vision that we fail to see the obvious truth. I am not saying you have failed this  story. What I am saying is, your story is dangerously inching towards sprawling saga that builds up readers expectation but does not deliver pay off. And what I means by occasional sex of main character may sound paradoxical. But sex does not and will not diminishes your story quality nor main character agency and character gravitas. It can be masturbation, one night stand or hook up or even sexual assault or short lived relationship. I am being very blunt here. The main character has to have sex many a times while her relationship with her son evolve parallel; to make her realize her true love and true safe place at the end. To make her explore her sexuality, her freedom, her desire and ambition. Just thoughts will not cut it. Story needs proof she is trying to move on from her past relationship and experience and truma. Living life means, experiencing all its facets. Sex is also part of that. It can be fellow teachers, student, hooker. But she has to explore. If she does not then the author will betray the buildup and character development flow. It can be therapy/counseling session with psychology to relieve the trauma or bad dreams.

I don’t know whether you are plotter or panster but I think you should map out the rest of the story to save it from disaster. I know I have spoken a lot and may sound too harsh or too subjective. But I tried to be objective as much as I could. I tried to to be honest to your story buildup and character development. I don’t know you true author ambition so I can not comment on that. But what I can do and what I have done is literary criticism based on your story solely. You see,  almost all the comments you are getting are either praise or wish list or down right negative comments. What you lack is literary criticism; so I tried to fill that gap. Take my criticism with a grain of salt and a grain of open perspective and mind. I don’t think you have realized how ground breaking your story can be. And I am not  being hyperbole here. Your author usp is female agency and her feminism that walks through fire and ice. You even fiddled with writing this story in english. I don’t know you proficiency in english. So I can not comment on that aspect. Again long story short – review, reassess and rectify.

and at the end, a very kind request. I know you may be very pissed, irritated or annoyed for this kind of criticism. But as a fellow author I would like to know your favorite stories and stories you take inspiration from. Please give me a detailed list of stories(with author name and where to find them, I mean are they from other erotic sites or self published or traditionally published novel) you consider your favorites and inspiration and muse.


Again thank you and I hope we talk soon.