07-06-2026, 02:04 PM
Ghar ki Marammad
Part 3
*****
Kalu iss wakt duniya kaa sabse khush insaan tha.
Uska chehara khilkhila raha tha.
Upar se bhabhi ki ye khubsoorati dekh wo aur bhi bokhla gaya.
Wahhh...
Kya haseena lag rahi thi bhabhi "Black aur Red" combination me?
Ufff...
Upar se aaj hoton pe blouse jaisa hi ekdum Red lipstick bhi lagaya huaa tha.
Uske ghane bhige baal bata rahe the ki wo kuch hi der pahale nahaayi hai.
Darwaja khulte hi kalu ye khubsoorati dekhne me vyasth tha.
Bhabhi- Hummmm..hummmmm....
Kalu- wu.....Gudu marning....Namaste bhabhi jee..dekha... time se pahale hi pahunch gaye.
Kalu ke kapade maile the aur uske hath me uski plumbing ke samaan ki bag thi.
Bhabhi- Haa..ha..dekh rahi hu..aur koi surprise bhi nahi hu, ki aap jaldi aa gaye. Koi wajah bhi toh nahi thi, jaldi 'Naa' aane ki.
Kalu- Jee..aap ne hi sikhaya hai, ki dhande ke sath ekdum imaandaari dikhaani chahiye.
Bhabhi- Bilkul. Toh aur bhi 2-3baate hai jo sikh lijiye iss ghar ki choukat landhne se pahale.
Bhabhi chehare par ek attitude lekar ek teekhi akkad me boli.
Ufff..
Auraton ke ye nakhare? Galat jagah par hi shuru ho jaate hai.
Aaj bhabhi jitni khubsoorat lag rahi thi, uss se kai jyada nakharel lag rahi thi.
Aaj toh wo jyada bhaav khayegi.
Usne kalu se naa hi najare milaayi, naa hi hasi milaayi thi abtak. kisi strict ghar-malkin ki tarah aise pesh aa rahi thi, jaise wo kalu ko janati tak nahi. Jaise wo bhool hi gayi hai isi doodhwale ne usko bhains banakar doodh nikala hai, jaise bhool hi gayi, ki isi majdoor ne uski chut me ungaliya dalkar uska paani nikala hai.
Par yaha Kalu ko koi problem nahi thi. Rana jee kaa jana uske liye bahot badi baat thi.
Wo khushi se hasta hi jaa raha tha.
Wo auratton ke ye sab nakhare janata tha. Use ye bhi pata tha ki, aaj bhabhi kuch jyada hi nakhare dikhaane wali hai.
Kalu- Bhabhi jee...Bole, bole...
Bhabhi- "Haa..toh mai kuch baate abhi clear kar dena chahati hu.
Pahali baat ye ki, Itna khush hone ki jaroorat nahi. Mere pati ke jaane ki khushi chupa nahi jaa rahi hai aapse. Subah se dekh rahi hu, foole nahi sama paa rahe hai. Toh, toh...Mai ye clear kar dena chahati hu ki, kuch bhi change nahi huaa hai unke jaane se. Ulta, ab toh meri jimmedari jyada badh gayi hai meri. Mere sasurwalon ki najaro me aur sama jaaungi ab.
Toh ab mai ek izzatdaar gharaane ki bahu hu, toh aise- waise logon se doori hi bhali. Aur ma waisa hi karungi.
Dusari baat ye ki, Mai samjhana chahati hu ki,
Aap bass yaha plumbing kaa kaam karne aaye ho. Aur kaam ekdum badhiya hona chahiye. Chupchaap apna kaam nipata lijiye, aur yaha se chalte baniye."
Kalu- Waisan bhabhi, aapke pati sach me chale gaye hai kya? Humka toh yakin hi nahi ho raha.
Bhabhi- Are? Mai kya samjha rahi hu, aur aap kya bol rahe hai? Maine kaha kaam pe dhyaan dijiye, usko khatam karo, aur nikal jaao...samjhe kya?
Kalu ne man hi man bola- "Saali, bada chachar- pachar laga rakhi hai, lagata hai contract nikalkar dikhana padega ki tu kiski bhains hai. Haa..haa..jo nakhare dikhaane hai, dikha. Kitna fudak ke naachegi? Ab toh mera hi raaj hai yaha. Sasuri issbaar chodkar hi dum lunga."
Bhabhi- Are samjhe kya? Kaha kho gaye?
Kalu- Jee..samajh gaya...bilkul ekO-n- ek baat samajh gaya.
Tabhi kalu ko ek call aya.
Kalu- Halowww...haa..haaaa...wahi..wahi..lakadi kaa gate...usie maa ghus jaao.
Tabhi samne se gate ke andar ek adami aya.
Bhabhi ne usko dekh pallu odh liya.
Kalu- Bhabhiji... ye Birju hai..Mera khassam khass. chat ke kaam me mahir hai...ye aapka chat kar dega, aur mai andar khatam karta hu...
Ye bolte wakt bhi Kalu ki khushiya sama nhi paa rahi thi.
Bhabhi ne Birju ki oor dekha.
Kalu se bhi patala aur murzhaya hua ek shaksh. Maano jaise dono me sharth lagi ho. Itna ki andar ki haddiyon ka dhacha bhi dikhaai pad raha tha. Kalu itna hi kala kaluta, aur waise hi gande kapade pahana huaa. Uski khaal ajeeb nistej padi hui thi. Pakka ek garib abhaga majdoor lag raha tha.
Wo chalkar ab samne aya. Samne aate hi uski najar bhabhi par padi. Itni khubsoorat aurat ko dekhkar wo hakkabakka reh gaya. Magar agale hi pal usne sharm se apni najare zhuka li.
Birju itna Sharmila nikla ki uski himmat hi nahi hui bhabhi se ankhe milaane ki.
Kalu- Are...sasure, dekh kaa rahe ho? Ihh memsaab hai hamari. Ab aisan hi mooh latakaake khade rahoge ki kuch bologe bhi?
Birju- Jee..wu...Hamne kaa kiya?
Kalu- Are budbak..Namaste toh kaho?
Birju- Jee.. namaste..jee.....ihh..uhhh....hum upar chat pe jata hai kaluwa...tum samhal liyo....
Aisa bolkar wo mooh chupaate hue waha se bhaag hi gaya.
Ye kuch ajeeb hi character lag raha tha.
Ufff...
Uske aise sharm jaane se bhabhi toh hass padi.
Bhabhi kaa hasna dekh kar yaha Kalu double khush huaa.
Kalu- Chale...chaahe kuch ho, akhir aap hass toh diye.
Apni hasi ke pakade jaane par bhabhi ne ekdum se apne expressions badal liye.
Bhabhi- Dekhe..Majak bilkul bhi nahi chahiye. Apne kaam se kaam rakhiye. Pahale hi bol diya hai maine. Aur haa...Maine inke chachere bhaai Vikas jee ko bulaya hai. Toh wo aapka kaam ache se check karne wale hai. Toh jara kaam par dhyaan hoga toh achaa hai. Wo kabhi bhi aate honge.
Kalu- Chal..zooti kahi ki.
Ye wali line badi daring se kahi thi kalu ne.
Uska ye reply sunkar bhabhi toh chounk hi gayi.
Bhabhi- What? Mai kyu zhoot bolne lagi.
Kalu- Are humka pata hai. Koi nahi aanewala.
Bhabhi- What?
Kalu- Haa..Jab aapne Subah ki saree utaarkar dusari pahan li hai, tabhi jaan gaya tha mai. Waise Aap aaj jungle naa jaaiye.
Bhabhi- What? Jungle? Ye kya badbadaa rhe hai? Mai jungle kyu jaaungi?
Kalu- Nahi..bataake rakh riya hu...wo kaa hai naa ki, Aap 'Chingaari' hai.
Ye sunte hi sakht, ghussel bhabhi kaa chehara bhi lal gulaabi ho gaya.
Usne apni laaj aur muskaan ko badi mushkil se chupa liya.
Kalu- Ahhhaaa....iss Lal- kaale me kya kahar lag rahi hai aap? Aapko pata nahi hai? Bilkul Danger Danger.
Bhabhi- What??? Uff..fir se aap???aap fir se shuru ho gaye???
Bhabhi khudka mooh chupaa lete hue ghusse se boli.
Kalu- "Itna mooh banane ki jaroorat nahi hai. Aap fikar naa kare. Hamka sab yaad hai. Aapki pahal , tabhi hamari Chahal, ye rule hamka ache se yaad hai. Tabtak chupchaap aapki agya kaa palan karte rahenge. Aaki marji ke khilaaf ankh uthakar bhi nahi dekhenge. Toh konu fikar karne ki jaroorat nahi."
Daring me kalu itna kahkar Birju ki madad ke liye chala gaya.
Bhabhi toh dekhti reh gayi.
Usko piche jata huaa dekhkar Bhabhi unchi awaj me boli.
Bhabhi- Sasur jee toh andar hi hai????
Aisa chillakar wo andar chali gayi.
Waise Sasurji the. Par wo bass kahne ke liye the.
Kala chashma lagaye kampate sharir ke dhaache ko lekar pura din aram chair par baithe rahna, yahi unki jindagi thi. lakwa Marne ke karan pura ang hilta rahta bichaare ka. Khud bass thoda saa hi chal paate. Baaki hamesha kisike support ki jaroorat padati thi.
Upar se nazare bhi kamjor. Kamjor kya? Naa ke barabar hi samjho. 5 foot ke aage toh kuch bhi dikhaai nahi padata.
Upar se kaan bhi kharab hue rake. Sunaai bhi naa pade. Har baat jor se bolni padati thi.
Kalu bhabhi ke sasur ki bimaari ke baareme pahale se janata tha. Wo bhabhi se pahale bhi iss ghar me doodh jo dalta tha. Jyadatar usne inko isi chair par baithe dekha tha. Beemar hai janata tha par ankh Aur kaan bhi nahi, ye wo nahi janata tha.
Aaj bhi Sasur jee roj ki tarah hall me kala chashma pahankar aram se baithe the..
****
Yaha Kalu aur Birju ne piche wale darwaje ke baaju wali chat par seedhi set kar di. Waha piche height kum thi isliye.
Kalu ghar ko janata hi tha. Usne apne sathi Birju ko kaam pe lagaya, aur ab wo khud apna plumbing kaa kaam karne andar aya.
Kitchen me aakar ab wo wash basin ke niche chaan bin karne laga.
To be continued....
Part 3
*****
Kalu iss wakt duniya kaa sabse khush insaan tha.
Uska chehara khilkhila raha tha.
Upar se bhabhi ki ye khubsoorati dekh wo aur bhi bokhla gaya.
Wahhh...
Kya haseena lag rahi thi bhabhi "Black aur Red" combination me?
Ufff...
Upar se aaj hoton pe blouse jaisa hi ekdum Red lipstick bhi lagaya huaa tha.
Uske ghane bhige baal bata rahe the ki wo kuch hi der pahale nahaayi hai.
Darwaja khulte hi kalu ye khubsoorati dekhne me vyasth tha.
Bhabhi- Hummmm..hummmmm....
Kalu- wu.....Gudu marning....Namaste bhabhi jee..dekha... time se pahale hi pahunch gaye.
Kalu ke kapade maile the aur uske hath me uski plumbing ke samaan ki bag thi.
Bhabhi- Haa..ha..dekh rahi hu..aur koi surprise bhi nahi hu, ki aap jaldi aa gaye. Koi wajah bhi toh nahi thi, jaldi 'Naa' aane ki.
Kalu- Jee..aap ne hi sikhaya hai, ki dhande ke sath ekdum imaandaari dikhaani chahiye.
Bhabhi- Bilkul. Toh aur bhi 2-3baate hai jo sikh lijiye iss ghar ki choukat landhne se pahale.
Bhabhi chehare par ek attitude lekar ek teekhi akkad me boli.
Ufff..
Auraton ke ye nakhare? Galat jagah par hi shuru ho jaate hai.
Aaj bhabhi jitni khubsoorat lag rahi thi, uss se kai jyada nakharel lag rahi thi.
Aaj toh wo jyada bhaav khayegi.
Usne kalu se naa hi najare milaayi, naa hi hasi milaayi thi abtak. kisi strict ghar-malkin ki tarah aise pesh aa rahi thi, jaise wo kalu ko janati tak nahi. Jaise wo bhool hi gayi hai isi doodhwale ne usko bhains banakar doodh nikala hai, jaise bhool hi gayi, ki isi majdoor ne uski chut me ungaliya dalkar uska paani nikala hai.
Par yaha Kalu ko koi problem nahi thi. Rana jee kaa jana uske liye bahot badi baat thi.
Wo khushi se hasta hi jaa raha tha.
Wo auratton ke ye sab nakhare janata tha. Use ye bhi pata tha ki, aaj bhabhi kuch jyada hi nakhare dikhaane wali hai.
Kalu- Bhabhi jee...Bole, bole...
Bhabhi- "Haa..toh mai kuch baate abhi clear kar dena chahati hu.
Pahali baat ye ki, Itna khush hone ki jaroorat nahi. Mere pati ke jaane ki khushi chupa nahi jaa rahi hai aapse. Subah se dekh rahi hu, foole nahi sama paa rahe hai. Toh, toh...Mai ye clear kar dena chahati hu ki, kuch bhi change nahi huaa hai unke jaane se. Ulta, ab toh meri jimmedari jyada badh gayi hai meri. Mere sasurwalon ki najaro me aur sama jaaungi ab.
Toh ab mai ek izzatdaar gharaane ki bahu hu, toh aise- waise logon se doori hi bhali. Aur ma waisa hi karungi.
Dusari baat ye ki, Mai samjhana chahati hu ki,
Aap bass yaha plumbing kaa kaam karne aaye ho. Aur kaam ekdum badhiya hona chahiye. Chupchaap apna kaam nipata lijiye, aur yaha se chalte baniye."
Kalu- Waisan bhabhi, aapke pati sach me chale gaye hai kya? Humka toh yakin hi nahi ho raha.
Bhabhi- Are? Mai kya samjha rahi hu, aur aap kya bol rahe hai? Maine kaha kaam pe dhyaan dijiye, usko khatam karo, aur nikal jaao...samjhe kya?
Kalu ne man hi man bola- "Saali, bada chachar- pachar laga rakhi hai, lagata hai contract nikalkar dikhana padega ki tu kiski bhains hai. Haa..haa..jo nakhare dikhaane hai, dikha. Kitna fudak ke naachegi? Ab toh mera hi raaj hai yaha. Sasuri issbaar chodkar hi dum lunga."
Bhabhi- Are samjhe kya? Kaha kho gaye?
Kalu- Jee..samajh gaya...bilkul ekO-n- ek baat samajh gaya.
Tabhi kalu ko ek call aya.
Kalu- Halowww...haa..haaaa...wahi..wahi..lakadi kaa gate...usie maa ghus jaao.
Tabhi samne se gate ke andar ek adami aya.
Bhabhi ne usko dekh pallu odh liya.
Kalu- Bhabhiji... ye Birju hai..Mera khassam khass. chat ke kaam me mahir hai...ye aapka chat kar dega, aur mai andar khatam karta hu...
Ye bolte wakt bhi Kalu ki khushiya sama nhi paa rahi thi.
Bhabhi ne Birju ki oor dekha.
Kalu se bhi patala aur murzhaya hua ek shaksh. Maano jaise dono me sharth lagi ho. Itna ki andar ki haddiyon ka dhacha bhi dikhaai pad raha tha. Kalu itna hi kala kaluta, aur waise hi gande kapade pahana huaa. Uski khaal ajeeb nistej padi hui thi. Pakka ek garib abhaga majdoor lag raha tha.
Wo chalkar ab samne aya. Samne aate hi uski najar bhabhi par padi. Itni khubsoorat aurat ko dekhkar wo hakkabakka reh gaya. Magar agale hi pal usne sharm se apni najare zhuka li.
Birju itna Sharmila nikla ki uski himmat hi nahi hui bhabhi se ankhe milaane ki.
Kalu- Are...sasure, dekh kaa rahe ho? Ihh memsaab hai hamari. Ab aisan hi mooh latakaake khade rahoge ki kuch bologe bhi?
Birju- Jee..wu...Hamne kaa kiya?
Kalu- Are budbak..Namaste toh kaho?
Birju- Jee.. namaste..jee.....ihh..uhhh....hum upar chat pe jata hai kaluwa...tum samhal liyo....
Aisa bolkar wo mooh chupaate hue waha se bhaag hi gaya.
Ye kuch ajeeb hi character lag raha tha.
Ufff...
Uske aise sharm jaane se bhabhi toh hass padi.
Bhabhi kaa hasna dekh kar yaha Kalu double khush huaa.
Kalu- Chale...chaahe kuch ho, akhir aap hass toh diye.
Apni hasi ke pakade jaane par bhabhi ne ekdum se apne expressions badal liye.
Bhabhi- Dekhe..Majak bilkul bhi nahi chahiye. Apne kaam se kaam rakhiye. Pahale hi bol diya hai maine. Aur haa...Maine inke chachere bhaai Vikas jee ko bulaya hai. Toh wo aapka kaam ache se check karne wale hai. Toh jara kaam par dhyaan hoga toh achaa hai. Wo kabhi bhi aate honge.
Kalu- Chal..zooti kahi ki.
Ye wali line badi daring se kahi thi kalu ne.
Uska ye reply sunkar bhabhi toh chounk hi gayi.
Bhabhi- What? Mai kyu zhoot bolne lagi.
Kalu- Are humka pata hai. Koi nahi aanewala.
Bhabhi- What?
Kalu- Haa..Jab aapne Subah ki saree utaarkar dusari pahan li hai, tabhi jaan gaya tha mai. Waise Aap aaj jungle naa jaaiye.
Bhabhi- What? Jungle? Ye kya badbadaa rhe hai? Mai jungle kyu jaaungi?
Kalu- Nahi..bataake rakh riya hu...wo kaa hai naa ki, Aap 'Chingaari' hai.
Ye sunte hi sakht, ghussel bhabhi kaa chehara bhi lal gulaabi ho gaya.
Usne apni laaj aur muskaan ko badi mushkil se chupa liya.
Kalu- Ahhhaaa....iss Lal- kaale me kya kahar lag rahi hai aap? Aapko pata nahi hai? Bilkul Danger Danger.
Bhabhi- What??? Uff..fir se aap???aap fir se shuru ho gaye???
Bhabhi khudka mooh chupaa lete hue ghusse se boli.
Kalu- "Itna mooh banane ki jaroorat nahi hai. Aap fikar naa kare. Hamka sab yaad hai. Aapki pahal , tabhi hamari Chahal, ye rule hamka ache se yaad hai. Tabtak chupchaap aapki agya kaa palan karte rahenge. Aaki marji ke khilaaf ankh uthakar bhi nahi dekhenge. Toh konu fikar karne ki jaroorat nahi."
Daring me kalu itna kahkar Birju ki madad ke liye chala gaya.
Bhabhi toh dekhti reh gayi.
Usko piche jata huaa dekhkar Bhabhi unchi awaj me boli.
Bhabhi- Sasur jee toh andar hi hai????
Aisa chillakar wo andar chali gayi.
Waise Sasurji the. Par wo bass kahne ke liye the.
Kala chashma lagaye kampate sharir ke dhaache ko lekar pura din aram chair par baithe rahna, yahi unki jindagi thi. lakwa Marne ke karan pura ang hilta rahta bichaare ka. Khud bass thoda saa hi chal paate. Baaki hamesha kisike support ki jaroorat padati thi.
Upar se nazare bhi kamjor. Kamjor kya? Naa ke barabar hi samjho. 5 foot ke aage toh kuch bhi dikhaai nahi padata.
Upar se kaan bhi kharab hue rake. Sunaai bhi naa pade. Har baat jor se bolni padati thi.
Kalu bhabhi ke sasur ki bimaari ke baareme pahale se janata tha. Wo bhabhi se pahale bhi iss ghar me doodh jo dalta tha. Jyadatar usne inko isi chair par baithe dekha tha. Beemar hai janata tha par ankh Aur kaan bhi nahi, ye wo nahi janata tha.
Aaj bhi Sasur jee roj ki tarah hall me kala chashma pahankar aram se baithe the..
****
Yaha Kalu aur Birju ne piche wale darwaje ke baaju wali chat par seedhi set kar di. Waha piche height kum thi isliye.
Kalu ghar ko janata hi tha. Usne apne sathi Birju ko kaam pe lagaya, aur ab wo khud apna plumbing kaa kaam karne andar aya.
Kitchen me aakar ab wo wash basin ke niche chaan bin karne laga.
To be continued....
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