[Voltz]

Ghar ki Marammad- Chapter 1


Part 1

Agale kuch din halki fulki baate hoti rahi. Par bhabhi ne bilkul saaf saaf doori banayi rakhi. Rana jee ki baate sunkar wo thoda satark ho gayi thi. Wo sab chize control me rakhana chahati thi. 

Aur waha kalu ne bhi baat ko ache se nibhaya. 
Halaki, bada taras gaya tha. Kum se kum ek baar doodh nikalna chahata tha fir se. Bade din jo ho gaye the hath lagaaye. Upar se Honeymoon ki judaayi ne usko aur zhulsa kar rakh diya tha.

Par wo halat par najar rakhe tha.

"Ilaaj se parhej bhala"
Ye baat dono jaan gaye the.

Jabtak baat normalise nahi hoti, unhone sab control me rakha.

Kalu Lomdi ki chaal rachte hue har mulakaat me bhabhi ko ishara karne lagata. Par use kamyaabi nahi mil rahi thi.

Kuch 5-6 din aise hi beet gaye.


 
Uss din har roj ki tarah doodhwala aakar khada ho gaya.

Tringg.....tringgggggg....


Kalu- Bhabhi, doodh ..doodh..

Bhabhi ne aaj darwaja kholne me kuch jyada hi wakt laga diya tha.

Dawaja khulte hi kalu kuch bolne wala tha, ki wahi ruk gaya. Uski bolti hi band ho gayi.
Kyunki use wahi manhoos shakal dikh gayi.

Darwaje par bhabhi nahi, balki Golu khada tha.

Kalu ladkhada gaya..

Kalu- Jee..chote malik aap? Aaj jaldi uth gaye?....bhabhi jee nai hai kya?

Golu bina kuch bole akadan bhari nazaro se kalu ko aise dekhne laga, Maano jaise usko shak ho gaya tha.
Golu ka akadan bhara chehara dekh Kalu thoda dar hi gaya.

Kalu apne man me bola -" ihhh...sasuraa subah subah kaha se mooh lekar aya? Aur dekh toh, kaisan ghur raha hai tuzhe? Mere Ghar rishtedaari karwane wala hai kya? Apne bhabhi ki..."

Itna ghurte hue dekhne par kalu bol pada.
Kalu- Jee, chote malik??? Aisan kaahe dekh rahe hai humka? Kuch laga hai kyaa mooh par? Yaa kuch alag baat hai?

Tabhi piche se bhabhi aa gayi.

Magar Bhabhi ko dekhte hi kalu ka dar toh aur badh gaya. 
Kyunki, Aaj bhabhi kuch alag hi dikh rahi thi.
Baal bikhre, Ankhe lal, aur chehara suja huaa. Mano ghanto bhar se roti rahi ho.

Bhabhi kaa ye haal dekh kar kalu soch me pad gaya.

Kuch pal ke liye waha sannnata cha gaya tha.

Tabhi Golu unchi awaj me bol pada.

Golu- Pakka naa? Bhabhi?

Bhabhi apne baalo me rubber lagaate hue ek ajeeb si thakan bhari awaj me boli.

Bhabhi- Haa..puch lo tum hi.

Ye suspense kalu ko aur hi dara gaya.

Golu- Kar paayega naa? Warna paise bachaane ke chakkar me adhkushal ye log kuch bhi kar ke nikal jaayenge. Hai toh doodhwala hi.

Golu ki ye baat sunkar bhabhi apne baal sawarte hue aage aayi.

Bhabhi- Pata nahi..yahi keh rahe the....
Kyu jee? Aap bol rhe the naa ki, plumbing ka bhi kaam karte ho? 

Plumbing sunkar kalu ki jaan me jaan aa gayi.

Wo ekdum se uchal kar bol pada.
Kalu- Haa jee haa..ek number....bilkul karte hai....wo bhi ekdum badhiya. bass bole kya kaam hai...??

Bhabhi- Dekha. Kabse piche pade the.... koi kaam hai toh bataao bhabhi jee, bataao bhabhi jee.. toh soche inko hi de dete hai..

Kalu- Haaa bilkul jee..boliye......kuch thik karwana tha ke?

Bhabhi- Haa.. darsal tha kuch. Kitchen ke pipe ka paani jam ho raha hai baar baar.

Fir bhabhi golu ki taraf dekhte hue boli

Bhabhi- Tumhare bhaiyaa bhi naa! Inko hajaar baar boli, ki ghar me bhi kuch dhyaan de? Par bhaiyaa tumhaare,, hunnn....ye sunte hi kiski hai? Uss din jab Divya aai thi, tab toh mai poori bheeg hi gayi thi. Pata nahi iss puraane ghar me aur kaha kaha plumbing kam aa pada hai? 

Ufff...

Divya wala rachaya gaya hadasa sunkar waha kalu gaalo me hi hass gaya.

Sath me kalu man me hi bol gaya- "Golu bacche...tu abhi bachha hi hai. Tumhari bhabhi Divya wala hadasa bata rahi hai, par tumhe kya pata uss din wo kiski bahome aur kiske jal se bheegi thi? Ha..ha..ha ."

Golu- Are bhaiyaa toh aise hi hai. Unka chod do aap. Upar se kya kya kaam aa pada unke hisse. Dekha na kaise bhagdoud lagi unki?

Bhabhi- Wo toh asie hi hai. Par unke chote bhaai? Wo bhi toh kaha dhyaan dete hai? 

Golu- Bhabhi, muzhe laga kara lenge kabhi. Leakage itna hai pata nahi tha. Warna, kabka kara leta.

Bhabhi- Haa..haa..dono bhaai waise hi ho..ek apne kaam me busy, dusra apni padhai me.

Bolte bolte bhabhi kalu ki taraf dekh boli

Bhabhi- Par aap kar paaoge naa? Nahi, dhande se toh doodhwale ho, isliye pooch rahe hai. ata hai naa ache se?

Kalu- Are kya bhabhi jee. Doodhwale hue toh kaa huaa? 3 saal se hu iss kaam me, aapko toh bata chuke hai. Hunnnn...aise hi nahi market me hai? Chote malik, Widhayak Ramaadhir jee ke yaha kaa salana repairing hum hi karte hai.
Sahar me kitno ka karwaya hai, lekin aajtak koi shikayat nahi kahi se. Pooch lo chahiye toh. Aapko bhi shikayat ka mouka nahi milega. 

Golu- Achaa..Widhayak jee ke ghar kaa aap hi ne kiya hai?

Kalu- Aur nahi toh kaa..

Bhabhi- Tab toh badhiya hai. Good. Ummid toh yahi hai. Warna mere upar aa jayega sab. Maine hi aapka naam sujhaya hai.

Kalu ko ache se samjhaate hue bhabhi boli.

Golu- Haa..kaam ache se hona chahiye. Bhabhi ne kaha isliye... Warna mai toh Salim chacha ko hi bulane wala tha. Magar unki bhi ab Umar ho gayi hai...


Kalu- Jee chote malik. Aap bilkul befikr rahiye. Bilkul badhiyaa kaam hoga.

Golu- Toh thik hai kal dopahar me aakar pahale kitchen kaa nipta dena. Baaki kaa baad me dekhte hai. 3, 4 ghante me kitchen ka khatam ho jayega naa? Pura din toh nahi lagega naa?

Kalu- Jee..bilkul ho jayega..

Kalu ne khushi se Haa me gardan hilayi.
Use yahi toh chahiye tha. Bhabhi ke ird gird hone kaa koi bhi mouka.

Golu- Thik hai fir...bhabhi ye aapka kaam ho gaya samjho fir. Wo bhi kal ke kal....waise ye chatttttt....hummm....chat kaa bhi dekhana tha jara. Barish se pahale ek bar marammad ho jaati toh, badhiya tha. 

Golu upar chat ko dekhte hue bola.

Kalu- Malik, chat kaa?

Golu- Haa.. purana ghar hi kharid liya tha Papa ne. Bhale hi bungla lagata hai, par chat toh purani hi hai. Uska bhi jara kaam aa gaya hai shayad. Kya huaa...Uska bhi karte ho kya?

Kalu- Ihhh...lo..neki aur puch puch...krte hai kya? Ho gaya samjho. Jee bata rahe hai, aapko idhar udhar dhoondne ki jaroorat hi nahi hai. Ihh kalu hai naa!! Ek hi jagah pe sab mil jayega aapko. Plumbing, Rang, chat- khapra kaa, khudaayi kaa, lakadi ka, bagiche kaa, saman ko utha le jana, majdoori..aur yaha tak ki, shadi kaa mandap, lighting...Kaa pooch lo aap? Jo bologe sab karte hai.

Golu- Are baap re..tab toh tum chalti firti dukaan ho. 

Kalu- Haa..kah sakat ho...wo kaa kare malik, papi pet kaa sawal hai. Doodh se itni kamaayi kaha rahi ab?

Golu - Par aisa naa ho ki, Sab ke chakkar me sab adhura. ek bhi dhang se naa ho? Wo kahate hai naa, "Kaam hajaar, aur galtiya 2 hajaar."

Kalu- Naahi..naahi..malik...agar aisa hota toh log chappal se marte humka.
Wu..hum akele hi thodi naa sab karte hai? Har kaam kaa ek special adami hamre sath hota hai. Hum bass kaam lete hai. Miljut kar baad me hum nipta dete hai. Iss se bahot saste me kaam ho jata hai jee..
Ab aapki Chat ke liye bhi special adami hai mere pass. Usko lekar aaunga. Iss se kaam kaa kaam ho jayega, aur hath ke niche ek majdoor bhi mil gaya. Jab usko jaroorat ho hum madad kar dete hai, aur jab humka jaroorat hai, wo aake madad kar jayega. 
Poori tayaari ke sath aayenge..aap tension naa lo. Waise aapne sahi kaha, poorane koularoo chat ghar ka saal me 1dafa toh kaam hona chahiye.


Bhabhi- Haa.. bilkul thik kaha aapne. Iss ghar ke mardon ko yahi samjha rahi hu kab se. Par meri koi sune toh naa??? Jaane do..Agar ho sake toh chat ka kaam bhi nipta lena fir.

Golu- Haa..haa.. Wo bhi nipta lo fir. Mai kal poori chutti hi le leta hu.

Bhabhi- Are..tumhara toh unit test hai naa parso?

Golu- Haa..haa..ab bhabhi ke itne taane sune, ki kya hi kare?

Bhabhi- Shut up. Pahale padhaayi dekho tum. Baaki sab baad me.

Golu- Are bhabhi, Unit test hai isliye toh kal nahi jaunga college. Waha timepass hi jyada hota hai friends ke sath. Toh ghar me baithkar poora din padhayi karunga.

Bhabhi- Chalo. Achaa huaa...magar dekh lo, study me koi disturbance naa ho. Warna tumhare bhaiyaa muzhse hisaab mangenge. Bole hai khana bhi tumhare kamre me lakar de du. Study me koi disturbance nahi chahiye unko.

Golu- Haa..bhabhi..aap tension naa lo. Mai apni study samhalkar hi karunga sab.

Bhabhi- Isiliye wo rahate hi karwana chahati thi mai. Tumhe isme padane ki jaroorat hi nahi hoti.
Par wo toh ulta ghusse se chidh jaate the mere upar. Pata hai Golu? kam- wam toh bahana tha unka. Asali wajah toh wo dhool se nafrat hai. Uss din bhi jab tum nahi the, toh inse hi kursi ke poorje nikawane pade the kabaad room se.

Golu- Achaa...

Kalu man me bol gaya- " abe sasure, tere bhaiya ki ye bimaari ke baare me agar humka pahale pata hota, toh uss din kursi ke nahi, balki tumhari bhabhi ke hi poorje nikal deta. Poora dheela dheela kar chodata. Aur upar se har ek poorje par dhul mitthi laga deta...ha..ha..ha.. chipkaliyon ke devata ne toh tumhari bhabhi ko meri zholi me laakar choda hi tha uss din. Bass chodna reh gaya tha..ha..ha..ha.."


Golu- koi nai bhabhi, Jaane do. Wo toh aise hi the hamesha. Par wo bhi kya karte? Unko toh jana pada. Ab Ghar kaa main mard nahi hai toh, uski jagah par uske chote bhai ko hi sab samhalna padega. Don't worry, Mai manage kar lunga. 

Baaki baato se koi fark nahi pada, par 'Unko toh jana pada' iss line ne kalu ke kaan khade kar diye.
Uska dill dhadhada gaya aur Wo hadbada gaya.

Kalu- Haa..Bade Saab toh bade ghussel swabhav ke hai. Uss din toh seedha bandook taan di hamre upar. Hamra toh jaan gale me aa gaya tha.wu toh bhabhi jee ne bacha liya..warna....
Waise  wo kahi gaye hue hai kya aaj? Wahi taluka kaa kaam kaa? Wu coart kacheri kaa zhanjat hi waisa hota hai. Hamra ek adami hai wuha. Chaahe toh wakilnbaai se jaan pahchaan karwa deta?

Golu- Court-kacheri nahi, wo chale gaye hai. Chale gaye matlab...kaam par.


Dhak.#####Dhak####Dhak#### 

Wakt slow motion me ho gaya aur Kalu ke andar ekdum se aisi dhakk dhakk...awaj gunjane lagi. Aur usme Golu ki ek hi line baar baar repeat hone lagi.

Chale gaye matlab chale gaye####
Chale gaye matlab chale gaye#####
Chale gaye matlab chale gaye#####
Court- kacheri nahi...wo toh chale gaye###

Kuch der tak kalu ke kaan aise hi bajne lage.
Fir wo awaj band ho gayi. Kuch pal sannnata chaa gaya jaise uske kaan kharab ho gaye.
Tabhi,
Uski naso me khoon joro se bahane laga aur uske dil me ek sannnnnn siiii chamak doud gayi. Uska chehara dard se tilmila gaya.
Usne phat se chaati par hath rakh ke paani hi mang liya.

Kalu- Bhabhi jee...Jara kuch ajeeb saa garam ho raha hai..thoda paani milega?
Uske hath pair kamp rahe the.

Bhabhi usko thodi der dekhti rahi. Bhabhi ke chehare par aise gambhir reaction the, jaise use pahale se pata ho, ki iss dard ki wajah kya hai? aur yaha paani ki jaroorat pad sakti hai. 

Fir phat se haal room ke table par rakha paani kaa glass uthakar usko de diya.

Kalu ghata..ghat..pee gaya, jaise usne aag kaa gola nigal liya tha.


Paani ghatakne se uska Ugalta huaa khoon thoda shant ho gaya, aur dhadkane ab thodi kaabu me aa gayi.

Dhadakane thodi shant hone par kalu poochne laga.

Kalu- Kaam par matlab? Wo toh jahazo me kaam karte hai naa?

Golu- Haa...emergency call ayi aur unko raato-raat jana pada. Chutti bhi poori nahi kar paaye.

Oh..my..hod..
Ye sunte hi Kalu koma me chala gaya.

To be continued...