08-05-2026, 01:37 AM
(This post was last modified: 08-05-2026, 06:28 AM by Celebrorn. Edited 4 times in total. Edited 4 times in total.)
Chapter 12
Agle din, main Doctor Bhargava ke clinic ke room mein baithi hui thi, apne haathon ko apni godi rakh kar tightly pakde hue. Is baar toh shayad pichhli baar se bhi jyada anxiety ho rahi thi. Sab kuch itna shaant tha andar ki mujhe apni saans lene ki aawaz bhi aa rahi thi. Aur shayad meri saansein kuch jyada tez bhi chal rahi thi.
Wahan baithe baithe pichhli baar ki visit detail mein yaad aane lagi. Agar yeh visit bhi pichhli baar jaisi hui toh? Yeh khayal aate hi mere haath buri tarah kaanpne lage.
Us din ka poora scene meri aankhon ke saamne ghoomne laga. Woh gown jisme slits thi - covered par phir bhi poori tarah exposed. Doctor ke bare hands meri skin par. Kaise woh as a doctor mere muscle tissues feel kar rahe they. Par jaane kyun, feeling... andar se feeling kuch aur hi aa rahi thi.
Unhone kahan nahi touch kiya tha mujhe. Meri thighs, back... ass... ufff... mere boobs, jo tab isse kaafi chhote they... aur wahan bhi neeche... mere scrotum par. Sochte hi mere chehre ka rang us din ki tarah udd gaya. Kitna royi thi main us din baad mein akele mein. Kabhi pehle aisa nahi mehsoos hua tha.
Socha tha ab kabhi yahan wapis nahi aayunga. Aur laga bhi tha ki yeh medicine kaun sa aisa jaadu kar degi jo ab tak li medicines ne nahi kiya hai.
Pichhli baar jab main yahan aayi thi, tab shayad physically main Kanika kam aur Kanak jyada thi. Par pichhle ek mahine mein hi sab kuch ekdam se badal gaya tha. Main soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki sab kuch itna jaldi ho jayega. Woh medicine sach mein kisi magic pill se kam nahi thi. Par saath hi side-effects, ufff... ab main har raat itni horny kyun feel karti thi. Kisi se iss sab ke baare mein baat bhi nahi kar sakti thi.
Achanak se mere kaanpte hue haath ko ek haath ne thaama. Raj ka haath. Woh mere saath hi baithe they. Unke bina toh main yahan aane ki himmat hi nahi kar sakti thi.
"Kanika," unki aawaz mein kafi softness thi, "Tum theek ho?"
Maine unki taraf dekha toh paaya ki unki aankhon mein ek kafi genuine sa concern tha mere liye. Maine dheere se haan mein sar hilaya par haath abhi bhi kaanp raha tha. Shayad unhone yeh mehsoos karte hue mera haath aur kas ke pakad liya.
Tabhi ek darwaza khulne ki aawaz aayi aur Doctor Bhargava tez kadmon se chalte hue aakar hamare saamne baith gaye. Maine turant hi apna haath Raj ki pakad se chhudate hue apni godi mein rakh liya.
Us din shayad maine unhe itni gaur se nahi dekha tha, par Doctor Bhargava, sach mein doctor kam aur ek scientist jyada lagte they. Woh kafi lambe aur patle insaan they. Apne upar ek lamba sa white coat daale, jo kisi lab coat jaisa lag raha tha. Unke chehre par ek halki si smile thi par phir bhi unke expressions padna kafi mushkil tha.
Woh meri taraf intensely dekhne lage. Unki teekhi nazrein jaise mujhe scan kar rahi ho, mere har badlav ko bin kahe note kar rahi ho. Saath hi mein room ka silence mujhe aur jyada uncomfortable kar raha tha. Main chair mein halke se shift hui aur mere muh se halke se ek aawaz nikli.
"So... how have you been Miss Kanika.... Kanika Malhotra," Doctor ne apne saamne rakhe ipad par ek nazar daalte hue kaha.
"It's actually Kanika Sareen... not Malhotra," maine dheere se bolte hue unhe correct kiya.
"Oh sorry, I thought you and..." Doctor ki nazrein ek pal ke liye Raj par thehri aur phir jaldi se wapas mujhe par aa gayi, "Anyway... I must say this is just remarkable."
Doctor Bhargava ne apne ipad par click kiya aur ek badi screen par ek insaan ki outline aa gayi. Woh shayad... shayad nahi pakka pichhli baar ki main tha. Ek flat si chhati, ek ladke ka dhancha jisme badlav ki bas shuruaat thi. Maine apni nazrein jhuka li. Mujhe us purane saaye ko dekh kar ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi.
"Jitni progress aapne ek mahine mein ki hai, I have never seen this before," Doctor Bhargava ki awaaz mein wahi scientist wali excitement thi. "It's just incredible. Your voice is... beautiful now. Kaafi feminine aur soft. How are you feeling about this quick change?"
"Ummm.... good I guess," maine hichkichate hue kaha. Meri apni nayi awaaz mere kaano mein kisi ajnabi ki tarah lag rahi thi.
"Why guess? Why not know?" Unki nazrein screen se hatt kar seedha mujh par aa gayi.
"No... I mean... it's good actually. Sab kuch itna jaldi ho raha hai ki kabhi kabhi lagta hai jaise main koi sapna dekh rahi hoon," maine sach kaha. Par us sapne mein jo bechaini thi, woh main unhe kaise batati.
"Yes... exactly. You will be like a case study for this medicine," Doctor ne kaha, unki ungliyan ipad par tezi se chal rahi thi.
"No Doctor, I don't think we want to make Kanika a case study for anything," Raj ki gehri awaaz room mein goonji. Unhone mera haath nahi pakda tha, par unka kehne ka lehza hi kaafi tha Doctor ko apni hadd yaad dilaane ke liye.
"Ofcourse. I was just... uhmmmm. I apologize." Doctor ne apne aap ko recompose kiya. "So... Miss Sareen... any side effects? Any unusual concerns? Medicines lene ke baad body mein koi aisi sensation jo pehle nahi thi?"
Mera dil zor se dhadakne laga. Mere dimaag mein raat ka woh manzar ghoom gaya, Ayaan ka khayal, meri tharr-tharrati body, aur woh nakamyab koshish khud ko satisfy karne ki. Mere gaal garam hone lage. Kya main unhe bataun ki meri body ab control se bahar ho rahi hai? Ya yeh ki neeche ab sab kuch numb sa lagta hai?
Maine Raj ki taraf dekha. Woh meri taraf hi dekh rahe they, jaise mere jawab ka intezar kar rahe hon.
"Doctor woh... nahi... koi khaas concerns nahi... bas thoda pain aur sensitivity... tiredness."
"Yes... that is expected. I think given the progress hume dosage thodi kam karni hogi. Also, with this rapid change, I need to see you more frequently, maybe every other week. Mr. Raj, is that ok?"
Raj ne halke se haan mein sar hilaya. Unka chehra shant tha, par meri dhadkan tez ho gayi. Har do hafte mein yahan aana? Is clinical room mein, Doctor Bhargava ki un scanning nazron ke saamne?
"Doctor," maine hichkichate hue kaha, "Kya yeh zaroori hai? I mean... har doosre hafte yahan aana?"
"Miss Sareen," Doctor Bhargava ne apne ipad par kuch final notes likhte hue kaha, unka tone ab thoda aur clinical ho gaya tha, "Aapki body jis tezi se respond kar rahi hai, use closely monitor karna ek medical necessity hai. This is after all an experimental drug, and we all need to be careful. Don't worry, I will waive the fees for these extra visits."
"No, it's not about the..." maine pareshaan hote hue Raj ki taraf dekha, main kaise unhe samjhaati ki mere mann mein kya ghabhrahat thi.
Raj ne meri taraf dekhte hue gently nod kiya, "It's ok Doctor... we understand and will be here. You don't need to waive the fees."
"Great! Toh medicine adjustment karne se pehle, lets have another round of scans and examinations for the charts, so we can all keep track."
Unki yeh baat sunte hi mere aankhen ekdam se badi ho gayi aur pet ko anxiety ne jakad liya.
"Examination... aaj phir se."
Doctor ne meri bechaini dekhi par unke chehre par wahi sapat expression tha. "Nahi, it will be quick today. Nurse Deepa will manage everything. I am running a bit behind right now, but I can have a look at the scans and adjust the medication."
Doctor Bhargava halke se nod karte hue, apne ipad ko samet-te hue, tez kadmon se bahar nikal gaye. Woh chale bhi gaye they aur main unse apne sawaal bhi nahi pooch paayi thi. Shit... socha tha ek baar phir end mein try karungi bolna ka par yeh meeting abruptly hi khatam ho gayi. Kamre mein bas main aur Raj reh gaye they aur hamare beech ek silence.
Tabhi kamre mein ek nurse aayi, "Miss Kanika, aap mere saath aaiye. Aapke scans karne hai."
Maine Raj ki taraf ek bebas nazar dali. Unhone mera haath halke se thapthapaya. "Jao, main bahar hi wait kar raha hoon. It’s okay."
Nurse mujhe ek chote se, thande room mein le gayi jahan ki safed lights meri aankhon ko chubh rahi thi. "Aap yeh gown pehen lijiye. Make sure body par koi metal na ho," nurse ne badi mechanical awaaz mein kaha, jaise woh rozana hazaron logo ko yahi kehti ho.
Jab main us curtain ke peeche apne kapde utaar rahi thi, toh meri ungliyan kaanp rahi thi. Maine aaine mein ek pal ke liye khud ko dekha. Ek mahine pehle ke muqable meri body mein ab aur bhi curves aa gaye they. Meri skin pehle se kahin zyada soft... aur shayad zyada sensitive lag rahi thi.
Nurse ne curtain ke bahar se awaaz di, "Ho gaya? Hume jaldi karna hoga, machine ready hai."
Maine jaldi se woh thanda gown pehna aur bahar aayi. Unhone mujhe ek metallic table par letne ko kaha. "Aapko bilkul hila nahi hai. Yeh machine aapki body ko scan karegi. Thoda shor hoga, par ghabrana nahi."
Jaise hi main us table par leti, mujhe pichhli baar ka woh touch yaad aane laga. Bhale hi ab doctor wahan nahi they, par woh machine ki scanning lights jaise meri body ke har naye hisse ko nanga kar rahi thi. Woh scanner ki roshni meri band aankhon ke peeche se bhi dikh rahi thi, mere naye ubharon ko, meri thighs ko... meri har us change ko record kar rahi thi jise main abhi khud bhi puri tarah samajh nahi paayi thi.
Ufff... kab khatam hoga yeh sab, maine yeh sochte hue aankhen band kar li.
Machine ki ghar-gharati aawaz aur wo thandi roshni mere jism ko baar-baar chhoo rahi thi. Maine aankhen kas ke band kar li thi, par mere dimaag mein bahut kuch chal raha tha. Dheere-dheere, mujhe apne aas-paas ki aawazein dhundli lagne lagi aur main bilkul sunn padd gayi. Na dar, na ghabrahat... bas ek gehri khamoshi. Shayad pata bhi nahi chala ki machine bhi band ho chuki thi.
"Miss Kanika? Ho gaya hai. Aap uth sakti hain." Nurse ki mechanical aawaz ne jaise mujhe kisi gehri neend se jagaya.
Main dhire se uthi, mere jism mein ek ajeeb si thakaan thi. Kapde pehente waqt mere haath ab bhi thode sust they. Jab main wapas us kamre mein pahuchi, toh Raj wahi corridor mein baithe mera intezar kar rahe they. Mujhe dekhte hi wo khade ho gaye, unki aankhon mein shayad kuch sawaal they, par maine bas nazrein jhuka li.
Hume thodi der aur wait karna pada. Phir nurse ne aakar hume ek bag thama diya.
"Ismein nayi medication hai, dosage adjust kar di gayi hai," nurse ne samjhate hue kaha, "Saath hi pain aur sensitivity ke liye bhi kuch medicines di hain."
Maine us bag ko thama toh wo halka tha, par phir bhi pakda nahi jaa raha tha. Raj ne meri halat ko samajhte hue bag ko mere haathon se le liya aur mera haath halke se pakad kar mujhe clinic se bahar le aaye.
Clinic se bahar nikalte hi Delhi ki us garam hawa ne mere chehre ko chhua, par mere dimaag mein ab bhi wahi ghutan thi. Main na toh apna koi sawaal pooch paayi thi, aur na hi apni bechaini bayan kar saki thi. Ab shayad har doosre hafte mujhe isi darr aur isi exposure se guzarna hoga.
Raj ne car ka darwaza khola aur main bina kuch kahe andar baith gayi. Maine khidki se bahar dekhte hue ek gehri saans li. Samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya better tha - meri pehli wali life jahan main Kanika na ho kar bhi Kanika thi, ya phir yeh nayi waali jahan main Kanika toh ban gayi thi par saath yeh aisa lag raha tha jaise kuch kho diya ho.
Ufff... shayad Riya sahi kehti hai, main kuch jyada hi melodramatic ho jaati hoon. Maine khud ko mann hi maan jhaadte hue socha.
Raj ne car start ki aur meri khamoshi ko bhaamp liya. Unhone ek side-glance diya aur phir ek gehri saans lekar bole, "Waise Kanika, ek baat toh maanni padegi..."
Unki aawaz sunkar mera dhyan unki taraf gaya, main toh bhool bhi gayi thi ki woh abhi bhi mere saath hi they.
"Kya baat?"
"Doctor Bhargava ke clinic jaakar aisa lagta hai jaise kisi doctor ke yahan nahi, balki kisi Mad Scientist ki secret lab mein aa gaye ho. Bas ek bijli kadakne ki der hai, aur andhere mein unki zor zor ki villain wali hasi!"
Meri hichki jaisi ek hansi nikal gayi. "Itne bhi bure nahi hain woh."
Raj ne halka sa sir jhatka, unke hothon par ek sharaarat-bhari muskurahat thi. "Haan par... mujhe kya pata tha. Mujhe laga ek doctor ki tarah hi honge. Par aaj toh woh tumhe ek specimen banane ke baare mein soch chuke they. Bach ke rehna, kahin tumhara DNA lekar experiment hi na karne lage."
Unka yeh achanak mazaakiya andaaz itna unexpected tha ki meri saari anxiety jaise dhuein mein udd gayi. Raj hamesha itne serious aur protective rehte hain, par unhe is tarah Doctor Bhargava ki khichai karte dekh kar mera mann ekdam halka ho gaya.
"Woh bure ho ya na ho... aap bahut bure ho." Maine haste hue kaha aur pehli baar clinic se nikalne ke baad sach mein relax mehsoos kiya.
Ekdam se unke dono haath steering se uth gaye, "Kyun? Maine kya kiya?"
Maine darr ke maare ek halki si cheekh maari aur turant unka ek baazu pakad liya. "Raj! Haath wapas steering par rakhiye! Aap accident karwa denge!"
Maine ekdam se realize kiya ki main unki baazu ko kas ke pakde hue hoon. Maine dheere se apna haath peeche kheecha, par mere gaal ab garmi se tap rahe they. Raj ne zor se thahaka lagaya, unki hansi car ke cabin mein goonj uthi. Unhone steering wapas thaam li thi, par unke chehre par abhi bhi woh shararat barkarar thi.
"Darr gayi? Mujhe laga tumhe adventures pasand hain," unhone wink karte hue kaha.
"Aise adventures nahi!" maine tez aawaz mein unhe jaldi se jawaab diya. Mera dil abhi bhi tezi se dhadak raha tha, par is baar yeh anxiety ki wajah se nahi, balki is achanak se hui excitement ki wajah se tha.
Car tezi se chale jaa rahi thi aur mere dimaag mein ek nayi pareshaani ghar banane lagi. Pichhle ek mahine mein jo kuch hua tha, usme main shayad yeh bhool gayi thi ki Raj aur meri engagement ho chuki thi. Chahe jhoothi hi sahi, par woh mere fiance they. Oh god, sochte hi kitna ajeeb sa lag raha tha.
Woh kitna effort kar rahe they mere liye - jaldi jaldi Mumbai se Delhi aana, mujhe Doctor ke paas le jaana, mere college jaakar principal se baat karna, mujhe shopping karana, ek nayi look dilwana. Hamari family literally unke ghar mein reh rahi thi, jahan unhone mera kamre specially mere liye arrange karwaya tha.
Kya yeh sab sirf us deal ka hissa tha?
Woh jaante they na ki sab nakli tha... matlab meri side se unke liye koi aisi waisi feeling nahi thi. Unhone hi toh agree kiya tha sab kuch start mein. Ab jaane kyun itna guilty sa feel ho raha tha unki madad lena is sab mein.
Shit... pata nahi unke mann mein chal raha hai. Kya woh is sab ko ek zimmedaari ki tarah dekh rahe hai, ya phir meri is nayi body ko dekh kar unka mann badal gaya hai. Nahi... nahi... main galat soch rahi thi. Woh toh mujhe aise hi accept karne ke liye tayyar they, jab main bilkul alag lagti thi. Par kyun? Aaj tak nahi samajh aaya tha.
"Kya hua? Phir se kaun si zone mein chali gayi?" Raj ki narm awaaz ne mujhe hosh mein laya.
Maine unki taraf dekh kar bas ek halki si muskurahat di. "Nahi... kuch nahi. Bas aise hi."
Maine khidki se nazrein hata kar unhe bade gaur se dekha. Raj... unhe dekh kar koi keh nahi sakta tha ki woh 40 plus hain. Unka sharp jawline, woh gehri aankhein jo abhi bhi thodi der pehle ki shararat se chamak rahi thi, aur unka fit hona, woh sach mein bahut handsome aur smart lagte hain.
Sirf dikhne mein hi nahi, woh dil ke bhi bahut saaf hain. Jitna woh mera khayal rakhte hain, meri har choti bechaini ko bin kahe samajh lete hain, aur jis tarah unhone aaj mera mood light kiya. Woh sach mein bahut kind aur funny hain.
Achanak ne mann me ek aur ajeeb sa khayal aaya. Agar mujhe sach mein unse shaadi karni padi, toh shayad... It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to marry him.
Par yeh main kya soch rahi hoon? Mera dil ek pal ke liye dhak se reh gaya. Kyun mere dimaag mein aise sawal aa rahe hain? Kya yeh clinic ki thakaan thi, ya phir bas meri overthinking?
"Kanika," Raj aage ki taraf dekhte hue dheere se bole, "Main aaj shaam wapas jaa raha hoon. I think college mein ab sab set hona chahiye, you can start going next week. Just call me immediately agar koi bhi issue ho toh."
"Hmmm... aap aaj hi jaa rahe hai?"
"Haan... kuch kaam hai. And then shayad main ek mahine tak nahi aa payunga, Ananya US se aa rahi hai."
"Ananya... aapki daughter," maine sochte hue kaha. Aaj shayad kafi dino baad hi Ananya ka jikr hua tha, woh uske baare mein baat nahi karte they, aur na main kuch poochti thi. Mujhe toh pata bhi nahi tha ki woh dikhti kaisi thi.
"Par... agar aap yahan nahi hue toh Doctor Bhargava ki visit?" Yeh sawaal muh se nikalte hi meri anxiety phir se badne lagi.
Raj ne car ki speed thodi kam ki aur ek gehri saans li. "Hmm... I am sure you can manage. Par agar lage toh Riya ko saath le jaana?"
"Nahi! Riya nahi," maine jaldi se kaha, phir apni aawaz ko sambhalte hue bola, "I mean... woh kafi busy rehti hai, main use disturb nahi karna chahti. Main manage kar loongi."
Main Riya ke saath wahan bilkul nahi jaana chahti thi. Uske saamne Doctor ke personal sawaal, aur scans aur baaki sab, nahi. Kabhi nahi.
Raj ne mujhe ek gehri nazar se dekha, jaise woh meri ghabrahat ko padhne ki koshish kar rahe hon. "Okay, jaisa tumhe sahi lage. But promise me, agar koi bhi baat ho, chahe woh doctor ka clinic ho ya college, tum mujhe call karogi."
"Promise," maine dheere se kaha.
Gadi building ke neeche ruki. Raj ne engine band kiya aur unka dhyan ek pal ke liye mere chehre par thehar gaya. Unka aaj shaam chale jaana mujhe achanak se bahut khaali mehsoos karwa raha tha. Is baar shayad humne kafi jyada time spend kiya tha saath mein. Abhi toh mujhe unki aadat honi shuru hui thi, unka mazaak, unka protectiveness... aur ab ek mahine tak woh mere paas nahi honge.
"Raj," maine kafi softly kaha, "I just want to say..."
"It's okay Kanika. Thank you ki zaroorat nahi hai," unhone turant kaha, jaise woh pehle se hi jaante hon ki main kya bolungi.
"Nahi, sirf thank you nahi kehna tha," maine thoda ruk kar, unki aankhon mein dekhte hue kaha. "Aap sach mein bahut achhe ho... I will miss you."
Meri baat sunkar Raj ke chehre par ek aisi muskurahat aayi jo maine pehle kabhi nahi dekhi thi, thodi hairani, thoda sukoon. Unhone kuch pal tak kuch nahi kaha, bas mujhe dekhte rahe.
"I’ll miss you too, Kanika," unhone kafi naram aawaz mein jawaab diya. "Apna dhyan rakhna. Sirf ek call ki der hai, and I will be here for you."
Hum dono ek muskurahat liye, car se utare aur lift ki taraf chal pade. Aaj Raj ke saath chalna itna ajeeb sa bhi nahi lag raha tha.
Agle din, main Doctor Bhargava ke clinic ke room mein baithi hui thi, apne haathon ko apni godi rakh kar tightly pakde hue. Is baar toh shayad pichhli baar se bhi jyada anxiety ho rahi thi. Sab kuch itna shaant tha andar ki mujhe apni saans lene ki aawaz bhi aa rahi thi. Aur shayad meri saansein kuch jyada tez bhi chal rahi thi.
Wahan baithe baithe pichhli baar ki visit detail mein yaad aane lagi. Agar yeh visit bhi pichhli baar jaisi hui toh? Yeh khayal aate hi mere haath buri tarah kaanpne lage.
Us din ka poora scene meri aankhon ke saamne ghoomne laga. Woh gown jisme slits thi - covered par phir bhi poori tarah exposed. Doctor ke bare hands meri skin par. Kaise woh as a doctor mere muscle tissues feel kar rahe they. Par jaane kyun, feeling... andar se feeling kuch aur hi aa rahi thi.
Unhone kahan nahi touch kiya tha mujhe. Meri thighs, back... ass... ufff... mere boobs, jo tab isse kaafi chhote they... aur wahan bhi neeche... mere scrotum par. Sochte hi mere chehre ka rang us din ki tarah udd gaya. Kitna royi thi main us din baad mein akele mein. Kabhi pehle aisa nahi mehsoos hua tha.
Socha tha ab kabhi yahan wapis nahi aayunga. Aur laga bhi tha ki yeh medicine kaun sa aisa jaadu kar degi jo ab tak li medicines ne nahi kiya hai.
Pichhli baar jab main yahan aayi thi, tab shayad physically main Kanika kam aur Kanak jyada thi. Par pichhle ek mahine mein hi sab kuch ekdam se badal gaya tha. Main soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki sab kuch itna jaldi ho jayega. Woh medicine sach mein kisi magic pill se kam nahi thi. Par saath hi side-effects, ufff... ab main har raat itni horny kyun feel karti thi. Kisi se iss sab ke baare mein baat bhi nahi kar sakti thi.
Achanak se mere kaanpte hue haath ko ek haath ne thaama. Raj ka haath. Woh mere saath hi baithe they. Unke bina toh main yahan aane ki himmat hi nahi kar sakti thi.
"Kanika," unki aawaz mein kafi softness thi, "Tum theek ho?"
Maine unki taraf dekha toh paaya ki unki aankhon mein ek kafi genuine sa concern tha mere liye. Maine dheere se haan mein sar hilaya par haath abhi bhi kaanp raha tha. Shayad unhone yeh mehsoos karte hue mera haath aur kas ke pakad liya.
Tabhi ek darwaza khulne ki aawaz aayi aur Doctor Bhargava tez kadmon se chalte hue aakar hamare saamne baith gaye. Maine turant hi apna haath Raj ki pakad se chhudate hue apni godi mein rakh liya.
Us din shayad maine unhe itni gaur se nahi dekha tha, par Doctor Bhargava, sach mein doctor kam aur ek scientist jyada lagte they. Woh kafi lambe aur patle insaan they. Apne upar ek lamba sa white coat daale, jo kisi lab coat jaisa lag raha tha. Unke chehre par ek halki si smile thi par phir bhi unke expressions padna kafi mushkil tha.
Woh meri taraf intensely dekhne lage. Unki teekhi nazrein jaise mujhe scan kar rahi ho, mere har badlav ko bin kahe note kar rahi ho. Saath hi mein room ka silence mujhe aur jyada uncomfortable kar raha tha. Main chair mein halke se shift hui aur mere muh se halke se ek aawaz nikli.
"So... how have you been Miss Kanika.... Kanika Malhotra," Doctor ne apne saamne rakhe ipad par ek nazar daalte hue kaha.
"It's actually Kanika Sareen... not Malhotra," maine dheere se bolte hue unhe correct kiya.
"Oh sorry, I thought you and..." Doctor ki nazrein ek pal ke liye Raj par thehri aur phir jaldi se wapas mujhe par aa gayi, "Anyway... I must say this is just remarkable."
Doctor Bhargava ne apne ipad par click kiya aur ek badi screen par ek insaan ki outline aa gayi. Woh shayad... shayad nahi pakka pichhli baar ki main tha. Ek flat si chhati, ek ladke ka dhancha jisme badlav ki bas shuruaat thi. Maine apni nazrein jhuka li. Mujhe us purane saaye ko dekh kar ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi.
"Jitni progress aapne ek mahine mein ki hai, I have never seen this before," Doctor Bhargava ki awaaz mein wahi scientist wali excitement thi. "It's just incredible. Your voice is... beautiful now. Kaafi feminine aur soft. How are you feeling about this quick change?"
"Ummm.... good I guess," maine hichkichate hue kaha. Meri apni nayi awaaz mere kaano mein kisi ajnabi ki tarah lag rahi thi.
"Why guess? Why not know?" Unki nazrein screen se hatt kar seedha mujh par aa gayi.
"No... I mean... it's good actually. Sab kuch itna jaldi ho raha hai ki kabhi kabhi lagta hai jaise main koi sapna dekh rahi hoon," maine sach kaha. Par us sapne mein jo bechaini thi, woh main unhe kaise batati.
"Yes... exactly. You will be like a case study for this medicine," Doctor ne kaha, unki ungliyan ipad par tezi se chal rahi thi.
"No Doctor, I don't think we want to make Kanika a case study for anything," Raj ki gehri awaaz room mein goonji. Unhone mera haath nahi pakda tha, par unka kehne ka lehza hi kaafi tha Doctor ko apni hadd yaad dilaane ke liye.
"Ofcourse. I was just... uhmmmm. I apologize." Doctor ne apne aap ko recompose kiya. "So... Miss Sareen... any side effects? Any unusual concerns? Medicines lene ke baad body mein koi aisi sensation jo pehle nahi thi?"
Mera dil zor se dhadakne laga. Mere dimaag mein raat ka woh manzar ghoom gaya, Ayaan ka khayal, meri tharr-tharrati body, aur woh nakamyab koshish khud ko satisfy karne ki. Mere gaal garam hone lage. Kya main unhe bataun ki meri body ab control se bahar ho rahi hai? Ya yeh ki neeche ab sab kuch numb sa lagta hai?
Maine Raj ki taraf dekha. Woh meri taraf hi dekh rahe they, jaise mere jawab ka intezar kar rahe hon.
"Doctor woh... nahi... koi khaas concerns nahi... bas thoda pain aur sensitivity... tiredness."
"Yes... that is expected. I think given the progress hume dosage thodi kam karni hogi. Also, with this rapid change, I need to see you more frequently, maybe every other week. Mr. Raj, is that ok?"
Raj ne halke se haan mein sar hilaya. Unka chehra shant tha, par meri dhadkan tez ho gayi. Har do hafte mein yahan aana? Is clinical room mein, Doctor Bhargava ki un scanning nazron ke saamne?
"Doctor," maine hichkichate hue kaha, "Kya yeh zaroori hai? I mean... har doosre hafte yahan aana?"
"Miss Sareen," Doctor Bhargava ne apne ipad par kuch final notes likhte hue kaha, unka tone ab thoda aur clinical ho gaya tha, "Aapki body jis tezi se respond kar rahi hai, use closely monitor karna ek medical necessity hai. This is after all an experimental drug, and we all need to be careful. Don't worry, I will waive the fees for these extra visits."
"No, it's not about the..." maine pareshaan hote hue Raj ki taraf dekha, main kaise unhe samjhaati ki mere mann mein kya ghabhrahat thi.
Raj ne meri taraf dekhte hue gently nod kiya, "It's ok Doctor... we understand and will be here. You don't need to waive the fees."
"Great! Toh medicine adjustment karne se pehle, lets have another round of scans and examinations for the charts, so we can all keep track."
Unki yeh baat sunte hi mere aankhen ekdam se badi ho gayi aur pet ko anxiety ne jakad liya.
"Examination... aaj phir se."
Doctor ne meri bechaini dekhi par unke chehre par wahi sapat expression tha. "Nahi, it will be quick today. Nurse Deepa will manage everything. I am running a bit behind right now, but I can have a look at the scans and adjust the medication."
Doctor Bhargava halke se nod karte hue, apne ipad ko samet-te hue, tez kadmon se bahar nikal gaye. Woh chale bhi gaye they aur main unse apne sawaal bhi nahi pooch paayi thi. Shit... socha tha ek baar phir end mein try karungi bolna ka par yeh meeting abruptly hi khatam ho gayi. Kamre mein bas main aur Raj reh gaye they aur hamare beech ek silence.
Tabhi kamre mein ek nurse aayi, "Miss Kanika, aap mere saath aaiye. Aapke scans karne hai."
Maine Raj ki taraf ek bebas nazar dali. Unhone mera haath halke se thapthapaya. "Jao, main bahar hi wait kar raha hoon. It’s okay."
Nurse mujhe ek chote se, thande room mein le gayi jahan ki safed lights meri aankhon ko chubh rahi thi. "Aap yeh gown pehen lijiye. Make sure body par koi metal na ho," nurse ne badi mechanical awaaz mein kaha, jaise woh rozana hazaron logo ko yahi kehti ho.
Jab main us curtain ke peeche apne kapde utaar rahi thi, toh meri ungliyan kaanp rahi thi. Maine aaine mein ek pal ke liye khud ko dekha. Ek mahine pehle ke muqable meri body mein ab aur bhi curves aa gaye they. Meri skin pehle se kahin zyada soft... aur shayad zyada sensitive lag rahi thi.
Nurse ne curtain ke bahar se awaaz di, "Ho gaya? Hume jaldi karna hoga, machine ready hai."
Maine jaldi se woh thanda gown pehna aur bahar aayi. Unhone mujhe ek metallic table par letne ko kaha. "Aapko bilkul hila nahi hai. Yeh machine aapki body ko scan karegi. Thoda shor hoga, par ghabrana nahi."
Jaise hi main us table par leti, mujhe pichhli baar ka woh touch yaad aane laga. Bhale hi ab doctor wahan nahi they, par woh machine ki scanning lights jaise meri body ke har naye hisse ko nanga kar rahi thi. Woh scanner ki roshni meri band aankhon ke peeche se bhi dikh rahi thi, mere naye ubharon ko, meri thighs ko... meri har us change ko record kar rahi thi jise main abhi khud bhi puri tarah samajh nahi paayi thi.
Ufff... kab khatam hoga yeh sab, maine yeh sochte hue aankhen band kar li.
Machine ki ghar-gharati aawaz aur wo thandi roshni mere jism ko baar-baar chhoo rahi thi. Maine aankhen kas ke band kar li thi, par mere dimaag mein bahut kuch chal raha tha. Dheere-dheere, mujhe apne aas-paas ki aawazein dhundli lagne lagi aur main bilkul sunn padd gayi. Na dar, na ghabrahat... bas ek gehri khamoshi. Shayad pata bhi nahi chala ki machine bhi band ho chuki thi.
"Miss Kanika? Ho gaya hai. Aap uth sakti hain." Nurse ki mechanical aawaz ne jaise mujhe kisi gehri neend se jagaya.
Main dhire se uthi, mere jism mein ek ajeeb si thakaan thi. Kapde pehente waqt mere haath ab bhi thode sust they. Jab main wapas us kamre mein pahuchi, toh Raj wahi corridor mein baithe mera intezar kar rahe they. Mujhe dekhte hi wo khade ho gaye, unki aankhon mein shayad kuch sawaal they, par maine bas nazrein jhuka li.
Hume thodi der aur wait karna pada. Phir nurse ne aakar hume ek bag thama diya.
"Ismein nayi medication hai, dosage adjust kar di gayi hai," nurse ne samjhate hue kaha, "Saath hi pain aur sensitivity ke liye bhi kuch medicines di hain."
Maine us bag ko thama toh wo halka tha, par phir bhi pakda nahi jaa raha tha. Raj ne meri halat ko samajhte hue bag ko mere haathon se le liya aur mera haath halke se pakad kar mujhe clinic se bahar le aaye.
Clinic se bahar nikalte hi Delhi ki us garam hawa ne mere chehre ko chhua, par mere dimaag mein ab bhi wahi ghutan thi. Main na toh apna koi sawaal pooch paayi thi, aur na hi apni bechaini bayan kar saki thi. Ab shayad har doosre hafte mujhe isi darr aur isi exposure se guzarna hoga.
Raj ne car ka darwaza khola aur main bina kuch kahe andar baith gayi. Maine khidki se bahar dekhte hue ek gehri saans li. Samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya better tha - meri pehli wali life jahan main Kanika na ho kar bhi Kanika thi, ya phir yeh nayi waali jahan main Kanika toh ban gayi thi par saath yeh aisa lag raha tha jaise kuch kho diya ho.
Ufff... shayad Riya sahi kehti hai, main kuch jyada hi melodramatic ho jaati hoon. Maine khud ko mann hi maan jhaadte hue socha.
Raj ne car start ki aur meri khamoshi ko bhaamp liya. Unhone ek side-glance diya aur phir ek gehri saans lekar bole, "Waise Kanika, ek baat toh maanni padegi..."
Unki aawaz sunkar mera dhyan unki taraf gaya, main toh bhool bhi gayi thi ki woh abhi bhi mere saath hi they.
"Kya baat?"
"Doctor Bhargava ke clinic jaakar aisa lagta hai jaise kisi doctor ke yahan nahi, balki kisi Mad Scientist ki secret lab mein aa gaye ho. Bas ek bijli kadakne ki der hai, aur andhere mein unki zor zor ki villain wali hasi!"
Meri hichki jaisi ek hansi nikal gayi. "Itne bhi bure nahi hain woh."
Raj ne halka sa sir jhatka, unke hothon par ek sharaarat-bhari muskurahat thi. "Haan par... mujhe kya pata tha. Mujhe laga ek doctor ki tarah hi honge. Par aaj toh woh tumhe ek specimen banane ke baare mein soch chuke they. Bach ke rehna, kahin tumhara DNA lekar experiment hi na karne lage."
Unka yeh achanak mazaakiya andaaz itna unexpected tha ki meri saari anxiety jaise dhuein mein udd gayi. Raj hamesha itne serious aur protective rehte hain, par unhe is tarah Doctor Bhargava ki khichai karte dekh kar mera mann ekdam halka ho gaya.
"Woh bure ho ya na ho... aap bahut bure ho." Maine haste hue kaha aur pehli baar clinic se nikalne ke baad sach mein relax mehsoos kiya.
Ekdam se unke dono haath steering se uth gaye, "Kyun? Maine kya kiya?"
Maine darr ke maare ek halki si cheekh maari aur turant unka ek baazu pakad liya. "Raj! Haath wapas steering par rakhiye! Aap accident karwa denge!"
Maine ekdam se realize kiya ki main unki baazu ko kas ke pakde hue hoon. Maine dheere se apna haath peeche kheecha, par mere gaal ab garmi se tap rahe they. Raj ne zor se thahaka lagaya, unki hansi car ke cabin mein goonj uthi. Unhone steering wapas thaam li thi, par unke chehre par abhi bhi woh shararat barkarar thi.
"Darr gayi? Mujhe laga tumhe adventures pasand hain," unhone wink karte hue kaha.
"Aise adventures nahi!" maine tez aawaz mein unhe jaldi se jawaab diya. Mera dil abhi bhi tezi se dhadak raha tha, par is baar yeh anxiety ki wajah se nahi, balki is achanak se hui excitement ki wajah se tha.
Car tezi se chale jaa rahi thi aur mere dimaag mein ek nayi pareshaani ghar banane lagi. Pichhle ek mahine mein jo kuch hua tha, usme main shayad yeh bhool gayi thi ki Raj aur meri engagement ho chuki thi. Chahe jhoothi hi sahi, par woh mere fiance they. Oh god, sochte hi kitna ajeeb sa lag raha tha.
Woh kitna effort kar rahe they mere liye - jaldi jaldi Mumbai se Delhi aana, mujhe Doctor ke paas le jaana, mere college jaakar principal se baat karna, mujhe shopping karana, ek nayi look dilwana. Hamari family literally unke ghar mein reh rahi thi, jahan unhone mera kamre specially mere liye arrange karwaya tha.
Kya yeh sab sirf us deal ka hissa tha?
Woh jaante they na ki sab nakli tha... matlab meri side se unke liye koi aisi waisi feeling nahi thi. Unhone hi toh agree kiya tha sab kuch start mein. Ab jaane kyun itna guilty sa feel ho raha tha unki madad lena is sab mein.
Shit... pata nahi unke mann mein chal raha hai. Kya woh is sab ko ek zimmedaari ki tarah dekh rahe hai, ya phir meri is nayi body ko dekh kar unka mann badal gaya hai. Nahi... nahi... main galat soch rahi thi. Woh toh mujhe aise hi accept karne ke liye tayyar they, jab main bilkul alag lagti thi. Par kyun? Aaj tak nahi samajh aaya tha.
"Kya hua? Phir se kaun si zone mein chali gayi?" Raj ki narm awaaz ne mujhe hosh mein laya.
Maine unki taraf dekh kar bas ek halki si muskurahat di. "Nahi... kuch nahi. Bas aise hi."
Maine khidki se nazrein hata kar unhe bade gaur se dekha. Raj... unhe dekh kar koi keh nahi sakta tha ki woh 40 plus hain. Unka sharp jawline, woh gehri aankhein jo abhi bhi thodi der pehle ki shararat se chamak rahi thi, aur unka fit hona, woh sach mein bahut handsome aur smart lagte hain.
Sirf dikhne mein hi nahi, woh dil ke bhi bahut saaf hain. Jitna woh mera khayal rakhte hain, meri har choti bechaini ko bin kahe samajh lete hain, aur jis tarah unhone aaj mera mood light kiya. Woh sach mein bahut kind aur funny hain.
Achanak ne mann me ek aur ajeeb sa khayal aaya. Agar mujhe sach mein unse shaadi karni padi, toh shayad... It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to marry him.
Par yeh main kya soch rahi hoon? Mera dil ek pal ke liye dhak se reh gaya. Kyun mere dimaag mein aise sawal aa rahe hain? Kya yeh clinic ki thakaan thi, ya phir bas meri overthinking?
"Kanika," Raj aage ki taraf dekhte hue dheere se bole, "Main aaj shaam wapas jaa raha hoon. I think college mein ab sab set hona chahiye, you can start going next week. Just call me immediately agar koi bhi issue ho toh."
"Hmmm... aap aaj hi jaa rahe hai?"
"Haan... kuch kaam hai. And then shayad main ek mahine tak nahi aa payunga, Ananya US se aa rahi hai."
"Ananya... aapki daughter," maine sochte hue kaha. Aaj shayad kafi dino baad hi Ananya ka jikr hua tha, woh uske baare mein baat nahi karte they, aur na main kuch poochti thi. Mujhe toh pata bhi nahi tha ki woh dikhti kaisi thi.
"Par... agar aap yahan nahi hue toh Doctor Bhargava ki visit?" Yeh sawaal muh se nikalte hi meri anxiety phir se badne lagi.
Raj ne car ki speed thodi kam ki aur ek gehri saans li. "Hmm... I am sure you can manage. Par agar lage toh Riya ko saath le jaana?"
"Nahi! Riya nahi," maine jaldi se kaha, phir apni aawaz ko sambhalte hue bola, "I mean... woh kafi busy rehti hai, main use disturb nahi karna chahti. Main manage kar loongi."
Main Riya ke saath wahan bilkul nahi jaana chahti thi. Uske saamne Doctor ke personal sawaal, aur scans aur baaki sab, nahi. Kabhi nahi.
Raj ne mujhe ek gehri nazar se dekha, jaise woh meri ghabrahat ko padhne ki koshish kar rahe hon. "Okay, jaisa tumhe sahi lage. But promise me, agar koi bhi baat ho, chahe woh doctor ka clinic ho ya college, tum mujhe call karogi."
"Promise," maine dheere se kaha.
Gadi building ke neeche ruki. Raj ne engine band kiya aur unka dhyan ek pal ke liye mere chehre par thehar gaya. Unka aaj shaam chale jaana mujhe achanak se bahut khaali mehsoos karwa raha tha. Is baar shayad humne kafi jyada time spend kiya tha saath mein. Abhi toh mujhe unki aadat honi shuru hui thi, unka mazaak, unka protectiveness... aur ab ek mahine tak woh mere paas nahi honge.
"Raj," maine kafi softly kaha, "I just want to say..."
"It's okay Kanika. Thank you ki zaroorat nahi hai," unhone turant kaha, jaise woh pehle se hi jaante hon ki main kya bolungi.
"Nahi, sirf thank you nahi kehna tha," maine thoda ruk kar, unki aankhon mein dekhte hue kaha. "Aap sach mein bahut achhe ho... I will miss you."
Meri baat sunkar Raj ke chehre par ek aisi muskurahat aayi jo maine pehle kabhi nahi dekhi thi, thodi hairani, thoda sukoon. Unhone kuch pal tak kuch nahi kaha, bas mujhe dekhte rahe.
"I’ll miss you too, Kanika," unhone kafi naram aawaz mein jawaab diya. "Apna dhyan rakhna. Sirf ek call ki der hai, and I will be here for you."
Hum dono ek muskurahat liye, car se utare aur lift ki taraf chal pade. Aaj Raj ke saath chalna itna ajeeb sa bhi nahi lag raha tha.
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