28-04-2026, 05:39 PM
Chapter 3
college se wapas ghar aana kisi murde ke qabar mein utarne jaisa tha. Kal raat ke us zordaar thappad ki goonj jaise ab tak ghar ki deewaro mein ruki hui thi.
Abbu dining table par baithe akhbaar padh rahe the. Main dabe paon unke paas se guzra, par unhone aankh uthakar dekha tak nahi. Unki wo chuppi kisi gaali aur maar se zyada chubhne wali thi. Pehle wo mujh par theek se chillate the, toh kam se kam lagta tha ki mera koi wajood hai. Aaj unhone mujhe aise ignore kiya jaise main zinda hi nahi hoon. Inkar ka ye thanda tareeka kaafi zyada takleef deh tha.
Ammi rasoi mein thi. Unka chehra utra hua aur aankhein laal thi, bilkul ruansi. Unhone meri aahat sunkar bhi meri taraf dekha tak nahi, bas apne aanchal se apna munh ponchti rahi. Pura ghar ek khaamosh matam mein dhooba hua tha. Pura mahaul itna hopeless lag raha tha ki hawa bhi bhari aur ghutan bhari lag rahi thi.
Bina kisi se kuch kahe, main chupchap apne kamre mein aakar andar se kundi laga li. Bakki ka bacha hua tanaav bhara din aur puri akeli raat maine us band kamre mein, apne us bistar par ghutno mein sarr diye hue guzari.
Par agle din college mein kuch ajeeb sah hua.
Lunch break ke waqt jab main apni seat par udaas baitha bas ground ki taraf dekh raha tha, tabhi achanak Akash chala aaya aur mere paas wali desk par thoda jhallate huye baith gaya. Usne apni wo daag wali spiral notebook aur ek pen bahar nikala.
"Chalo, kholo apni maths ki book," usne bina meri taraf dekhe, ek raste wali aawaz mein kaha. Uski aawaz mein kal wala wahi bhaari chidchidaapan tha, par aaj wo udta hua aage nahi bhaag raha tha. Shayad headmaster sir ne us par nigrani rakhi thi ya strictly kaha tha.
Usne kitab kholi aur madad karni shuru ki. Woh as a friend nahi baitha tha, balki uska har lafz ehsaan jata raha tha. Uski body language bata rahi thi ki wo na chah kar ek bewakoof ke aage apna qeemti waqt zaaya kar raha hai. "Yeh formula yahan aayega, itna simple hai, thoda dimag lagao na," wo baar baar muh banakar rukta.
Wo dil se nahi, poori majboori se meri madad kar raha tha. Par mere andar ek badi ajeeb si uljhan paida ho gai.
Mujhe phir bhi yeh sab theek lag raha tha. Balki, accha lag raha tha.
Zindagi mein pehli baar koi doosra meri table par ruka tha. Pehli baar kisi ne, chahe nakchade pan aur gusse mein hi sahi, mujhe seriously ek kitaab samjhane ki thodi koshish toh ki thi. Uska wo chidchidaapan meri class ke us akelepan aur baaki sabki namaujudgi se kaafi behtar thi. Kam se kam is waqt koi zinda shakhs toh mere paas baitha tha. Dheere dheere wo ehsaan wali daant ek choti si umeed ki kiran jaisi ban rahi thi.
Agli subah se ye humari nayi routine ban gayi. Aane wale kuch dino tak lunch break ki ghanti bajte hi Akash apna daba lekar seedha meri desk par aakar baith jata tha.
In kuch dino ki coaching mein, main mathematical sawalon se zyada Akash ko analyze karne laga. Mujhe dheere dheere yeh ehsas hone laga ki Akash siraf marks mein mujhse alag nahi tha. Uski poori banawat hi mujhse bilkul mukhtalif thi. Wo hairaankun hadd tak confident tha, class mein bolne mein smart tha, par sabse bada farq uski zidd aur persistence mein tha—wo bina thake lagatar laga rehta tha.
Main khud ko achi tarah janta tha. Kitaab kholne ke theek dus minute baad meri aankhein bhari hone lagti thi. Dimag so jata tha aur kitaab ka har saflaa mujhe sulaane lagta tha. Par Akash aisa bilkul nahi tha. Woh poore ektalis minute ki us lunch break mein bagair saans tode lagatar mujhe coach karta rehta tha.
Usme focus ki aisi aag thi jo maine kisi mein nahi dekhi thi. Wo apna tiffin tak meri kitab dekhte huye hi khaata tha, ek haath se jaldi jaldi parathe ka tukda todta aur mooh mein dalkar, bina rokay dusre haath se pen ko meri kapi pe tez tez chalata. Ek taraf wo khata rehta, aur dusri taraf mujhe lagatar equation samjhata rehta.
Use dekh kar main hairaan reh jata. Par jaise jaise main usay itne perfect tareeke se operate karte hue nazdeek se dekhne laga, toh wo pehle din wali acchi feeling kahin aur mudne lagi. Hum dono ek hi bench par baithe the, ek hi umar ke do students. Phir bhi wo kitna upar tha aur main kitna neeche.
Uska wo laser-sharp focus aur confident aadayein ab mujhe chubhne lagi thi. Uski isi perfection aur mehnati fitrat ko itne paas se dekhne ne meri insecurities ko buri tarah se ughad diya tha. Use dekhte hi mere andar mere apne nallepan aur nakamiyo ka darpan dikhta tha. Choti si wo umeed wali feeling ab ek nai aur ghutne wali jalan—jealousy—mein badalne lagi thi.
Isi ajeeb kashmakash, coaching aur baichaini ke beech ek hafta nikal gaya aur aakhiri exams shuru ho gaye.
Jab result wala din aaya toh class mein paper baant'te waqt mere haath maathe ke pasine se bheege huye the. Par iss baar jab paper ulta kar maine apna number dekha, toh mere hosh udd gaye. Laal syahi se wahan '51/80' likha tha. Bawan nahi, ghabrahat wala pachaas nahi, seedha ikyawan. Mujhe apni aankhon par yakeen nahi ho raha tha. Main baar baar us total ko jodh raha tha kahin teacher se counting mein galti toh nahi ho gai. Par galti nahi thi.
Mera sabse weak subject, jisme matha pakk jata tha aur hamesha fail hota tha, wo main sirf paas hi nahi, balki acche marks se paas kar gaya tha. Aur main ache se jaanta tha ki ye namumkin miracle kiski wajah se hua tha. Akash ki us lagatar aur sakht coaching ke bina yeh kisi qeemat par nahi ho sakta tha.
51 number ke us gore se circle ko dekh kar, saalon ke baad pehli baar mere andar ek saaf aur sacha confidence jaga tha. Ek nai himmat paida hui. Dil ke aakhiri kone se ek choti si aawaz aayi ki agar main isme is buri halat se uth kar paas ho sakta hoon, toh shayad main 12th ke boards bhi nikal lunga. Mera poora din us college mein ek alag hi, asmaan chhooti energy mein beeta.
Us din jab main apna wo paper lekar ghar pohocha, toh wahan ka mahaul kal tak ki thehri hui ghutan se bilkul opposite ho gaya.
Jaisi hi maine hall mein ghus kar ammi ke hath mein wo kagaz rakha, unhone paper dekha aur unki ro rahi palke phati ki phati reh gai. Wo chaunk kar pehle paper dekhti aur phir haireti se mujhe ghurne lagti. "Ikyawan...?" unki aawaz kaanp rahi thi, par is baar darr ki wajah se nahi.
Shor sun kar abbu kamre se bahar aaye. Unhone bhuwai sikudte hue aur shak ki nigah se chhin kar paper haath mein liya. Pata nahi un do second mein mere sir par kya beeti, dhadkan jaise gale mein aa gayi thi, par tabhi kuch aisa hua jiska mujhe dedh saal se zyada waqt se besabri se intezaar tha.
Dedh saal mein pehli dafa, abbu ne paper se nazar uthakar mere chehre ko dekha, ek lambi saans li, aur unke hotho par ek chhoti si sachi muskurahat aa gai. Pehli dafa meri aukaat sach mein badal gayi thi. Unhone koi lamba chouda taana nahi mara, koi shikayat nahi ki. Par unke us muskurate hue chehre ne pichle har aasu aur ghar ki us maayusi par jaise thande paani ka chheenta daal diya tha.
"Tu bata... yeh jaadu achanak hua kaise?" Ammi ne pyaar se mere maathe par haath rakhte hue chaunk kar poocha. "Achanak itna dimag kahan se chalne laga mere bete ka?"
Main pal bhar ruka. Mere dimaag mein Akash ki wo chidchidi aawaz aur library wali zehreeli beizzati chal rahi thi, aur apne andar panap rahi jealousy yaad aa gayi. Par phir bhi jhooth bola nahi gaya. "Raaz mera nahi hai, ammi," maine dhire se apni palke jhuka kar kaha. "Hamare section ka nahi... dusre section ke topper, Akash se padhta hoon lunch mein. Ussi ne paas karwaya hai."
Ammi ka chehra khushi aur shukar guzari se aur bhi khil utha. Unhone us 51 number wale paper ko halke se apni chhaati se lagaya aur phir bade pyaar se meri taraf dekha.
"Toh phir ek ehsaan faramosh insaan ki tarah mat ban," Ammi ne muskurate huye aur thode hukum wale andaz mein kaha. "Agar uski mehnat se mere bete ka itna bhala hua hai, toh humara bhi toh kuch farz banta hai bina oof kiye."
Main samajh nahi paya aur kashmakash mein unhe dekhta raha.
"Usko is Sunday dawat par ghar khaane par bula kar laa," Ammi ne zor dete hue aage kaha. "Us ladke ne ghar ke is mahaul mein wapas jaan daali hai, main use apne hathon se biryani banakar khilaungi. Zaroor bula kar lana apne is naye dost ko padhai ke zikr par."
Dost? Mera pet ekdam se aith gaya. Akash ko? Apne dabe hue nirdhan ghar mein? Us ladke ko jo library mein mujhe thode se waqt ke liye bhi theek se bardaasht nahi kar pata? Jiske attitude mein akad aur dosto ke beech main sirf ek wajood-heen keeda tha?
Lekin maine na chahate hue bhi dheere se haan mein sarr hila diya. Kyunki ammi ki aankhon ki us bholi khushi ko noch lene ki himmat mujhme abhi nahi thi. Par mere andar usi waqt ek naye, kaale darr ne jagah le li thi. Mujhe khauf hone laga ki jab woh uski 'perfect' zindagi wala Akash is chhote, toote huye makaan aur mere normal maahaul ko qareeb se dekhega, toh woh aage mujhe kitna aur zyada na-kabil aur gira hua judge karega.
college se wapas ghar aana kisi murde ke qabar mein utarne jaisa tha. Kal raat ke us zordaar thappad ki goonj jaise ab tak ghar ki deewaro mein ruki hui thi.
Abbu dining table par baithe akhbaar padh rahe the. Main dabe paon unke paas se guzra, par unhone aankh uthakar dekha tak nahi. Unki wo chuppi kisi gaali aur maar se zyada chubhne wali thi. Pehle wo mujh par theek se chillate the, toh kam se kam lagta tha ki mera koi wajood hai. Aaj unhone mujhe aise ignore kiya jaise main zinda hi nahi hoon. Inkar ka ye thanda tareeka kaafi zyada takleef deh tha.
Ammi rasoi mein thi. Unka chehra utra hua aur aankhein laal thi, bilkul ruansi. Unhone meri aahat sunkar bhi meri taraf dekha tak nahi, bas apne aanchal se apna munh ponchti rahi. Pura ghar ek khaamosh matam mein dhooba hua tha. Pura mahaul itna hopeless lag raha tha ki hawa bhi bhari aur ghutan bhari lag rahi thi.
Bina kisi se kuch kahe, main chupchap apne kamre mein aakar andar se kundi laga li. Bakki ka bacha hua tanaav bhara din aur puri akeli raat maine us band kamre mein, apne us bistar par ghutno mein sarr diye hue guzari.
Par agle din college mein kuch ajeeb sah hua.
Lunch break ke waqt jab main apni seat par udaas baitha bas ground ki taraf dekh raha tha, tabhi achanak Akash chala aaya aur mere paas wali desk par thoda jhallate huye baith gaya. Usne apni wo daag wali spiral notebook aur ek pen bahar nikala.
"Chalo, kholo apni maths ki book," usne bina meri taraf dekhe, ek raste wali aawaz mein kaha. Uski aawaz mein kal wala wahi bhaari chidchidaapan tha, par aaj wo udta hua aage nahi bhaag raha tha. Shayad headmaster sir ne us par nigrani rakhi thi ya strictly kaha tha.
Usne kitab kholi aur madad karni shuru ki. Woh as a friend nahi baitha tha, balki uska har lafz ehsaan jata raha tha. Uski body language bata rahi thi ki wo na chah kar ek bewakoof ke aage apna qeemti waqt zaaya kar raha hai. "Yeh formula yahan aayega, itna simple hai, thoda dimag lagao na," wo baar baar muh banakar rukta.
Wo dil se nahi, poori majboori se meri madad kar raha tha. Par mere andar ek badi ajeeb si uljhan paida ho gai.
Mujhe phir bhi yeh sab theek lag raha tha. Balki, accha lag raha tha.
Zindagi mein pehli baar koi doosra meri table par ruka tha. Pehli baar kisi ne, chahe nakchade pan aur gusse mein hi sahi, mujhe seriously ek kitaab samjhane ki thodi koshish toh ki thi. Uska wo chidchidaapan meri class ke us akelepan aur baaki sabki namaujudgi se kaafi behtar thi. Kam se kam is waqt koi zinda shakhs toh mere paas baitha tha. Dheere dheere wo ehsaan wali daant ek choti si umeed ki kiran jaisi ban rahi thi.
Agli subah se ye humari nayi routine ban gayi. Aane wale kuch dino tak lunch break ki ghanti bajte hi Akash apna daba lekar seedha meri desk par aakar baith jata tha.
In kuch dino ki coaching mein, main mathematical sawalon se zyada Akash ko analyze karne laga. Mujhe dheere dheere yeh ehsas hone laga ki Akash siraf marks mein mujhse alag nahi tha. Uski poori banawat hi mujhse bilkul mukhtalif thi. Wo hairaankun hadd tak confident tha, class mein bolne mein smart tha, par sabse bada farq uski zidd aur persistence mein tha—wo bina thake lagatar laga rehta tha.
Main khud ko achi tarah janta tha. Kitaab kholne ke theek dus minute baad meri aankhein bhari hone lagti thi. Dimag so jata tha aur kitaab ka har saflaa mujhe sulaane lagta tha. Par Akash aisa bilkul nahi tha. Woh poore ektalis minute ki us lunch break mein bagair saans tode lagatar mujhe coach karta rehta tha.
Usme focus ki aisi aag thi jo maine kisi mein nahi dekhi thi. Wo apna tiffin tak meri kitab dekhte huye hi khaata tha, ek haath se jaldi jaldi parathe ka tukda todta aur mooh mein dalkar, bina rokay dusre haath se pen ko meri kapi pe tez tez chalata. Ek taraf wo khata rehta, aur dusri taraf mujhe lagatar equation samjhata rehta.
Use dekh kar main hairaan reh jata. Par jaise jaise main usay itne perfect tareeke se operate karte hue nazdeek se dekhne laga, toh wo pehle din wali acchi feeling kahin aur mudne lagi. Hum dono ek hi bench par baithe the, ek hi umar ke do students. Phir bhi wo kitna upar tha aur main kitna neeche.
Uska wo laser-sharp focus aur confident aadayein ab mujhe chubhne lagi thi. Uski isi perfection aur mehnati fitrat ko itne paas se dekhne ne meri insecurities ko buri tarah se ughad diya tha. Use dekhte hi mere andar mere apne nallepan aur nakamiyo ka darpan dikhta tha. Choti si wo umeed wali feeling ab ek nai aur ghutne wali jalan—jealousy—mein badalne lagi thi.
Isi ajeeb kashmakash, coaching aur baichaini ke beech ek hafta nikal gaya aur aakhiri exams shuru ho gaye.
Jab result wala din aaya toh class mein paper baant'te waqt mere haath maathe ke pasine se bheege huye the. Par iss baar jab paper ulta kar maine apna number dekha, toh mere hosh udd gaye. Laal syahi se wahan '51/80' likha tha. Bawan nahi, ghabrahat wala pachaas nahi, seedha ikyawan. Mujhe apni aankhon par yakeen nahi ho raha tha. Main baar baar us total ko jodh raha tha kahin teacher se counting mein galti toh nahi ho gai. Par galti nahi thi.
Mera sabse weak subject, jisme matha pakk jata tha aur hamesha fail hota tha, wo main sirf paas hi nahi, balki acche marks se paas kar gaya tha. Aur main ache se jaanta tha ki ye namumkin miracle kiski wajah se hua tha. Akash ki us lagatar aur sakht coaching ke bina yeh kisi qeemat par nahi ho sakta tha.
51 number ke us gore se circle ko dekh kar, saalon ke baad pehli baar mere andar ek saaf aur sacha confidence jaga tha. Ek nai himmat paida hui. Dil ke aakhiri kone se ek choti si aawaz aayi ki agar main isme is buri halat se uth kar paas ho sakta hoon, toh shayad main 12th ke boards bhi nikal lunga. Mera poora din us college mein ek alag hi, asmaan chhooti energy mein beeta.
Us din jab main apna wo paper lekar ghar pohocha, toh wahan ka mahaul kal tak ki thehri hui ghutan se bilkul opposite ho gaya.
Jaisi hi maine hall mein ghus kar ammi ke hath mein wo kagaz rakha, unhone paper dekha aur unki ro rahi palke phati ki phati reh gai. Wo chaunk kar pehle paper dekhti aur phir haireti se mujhe ghurne lagti. "Ikyawan...?" unki aawaz kaanp rahi thi, par is baar darr ki wajah se nahi.
Shor sun kar abbu kamre se bahar aaye. Unhone bhuwai sikudte hue aur shak ki nigah se chhin kar paper haath mein liya. Pata nahi un do second mein mere sir par kya beeti, dhadkan jaise gale mein aa gayi thi, par tabhi kuch aisa hua jiska mujhe dedh saal se zyada waqt se besabri se intezaar tha.
Dedh saal mein pehli dafa, abbu ne paper se nazar uthakar mere chehre ko dekha, ek lambi saans li, aur unke hotho par ek chhoti si sachi muskurahat aa gai. Pehli dafa meri aukaat sach mein badal gayi thi. Unhone koi lamba chouda taana nahi mara, koi shikayat nahi ki. Par unke us muskurate hue chehre ne pichle har aasu aur ghar ki us maayusi par jaise thande paani ka chheenta daal diya tha.
"Tu bata... yeh jaadu achanak hua kaise?" Ammi ne pyaar se mere maathe par haath rakhte hue chaunk kar poocha. "Achanak itna dimag kahan se chalne laga mere bete ka?"
Main pal bhar ruka. Mere dimaag mein Akash ki wo chidchidi aawaz aur library wali zehreeli beizzati chal rahi thi, aur apne andar panap rahi jealousy yaad aa gayi. Par phir bhi jhooth bola nahi gaya. "Raaz mera nahi hai, ammi," maine dhire se apni palke jhuka kar kaha. "Hamare section ka nahi... dusre section ke topper, Akash se padhta hoon lunch mein. Ussi ne paas karwaya hai."
Ammi ka chehra khushi aur shukar guzari se aur bhi khil utha. Unhone us 51 number wale paper ko halke se apni chhaati se lagaya aur phir bade pyaar se meri taraf dekha.
"Toh phir ek ehsaan faramosh insaan ki tarah mat ban," Ammi ne muskurate huye aur thode hukum wale andaz mein kaha. "Agar uski mehnat se mere bete ka itna bhala hua hai, toh humara bhi toh kuch farz banta hai bina oof kiye."
Main samajh nahi paya aur kashmakash mein unhe dekhta raha.
"Usko is Sunday dawat par ghar khaane par bula kar laa," Ammi ne zor dete hue aage kaha. "Us ladke ne ghar ke is mahaul mein wapas jaan daali hai, main use apne hathon se biryani banakar khilaungi. Zaroor bula kar lana apne is naye dost ko padhai ke zikr par."
Dost? Mera pet ekdam se aith gaya. Akash ko? Apne dabe hue nirdhan ghar mein? Us ladke ko jo library mein mujhe thode se waqt ke liye bhi theek se bardaasht nahi kar pata? Jiske attitude mein akad aur dosto ke beech main sirf ek wajood-heen keeda tha?
Lekin maine na chahate hue bhi dheere se haan mein sarr hila diya. Kyunki ammi ki aankhon ki us bholi khushi ko noch lene ki himmat mujhme abhi nahi thi. Par mere andar usi waqt ek naye, kaale darr ne jagah le li thi. Mujhe khauf hone laga ki jab woh uski 'perfect' zindagi wala Akash is chhote, toote huye makaan aur mere normal maahaul ko qareeb se dekhega, toh woh aage mujhe kitna aur zyada na-kabil aur gira hua judge karega.
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