17-02-2026, 10:24 AM
(This post was last modified: 18-02-2026, 12:49 AM by Celebrorn. Edited 4 times in total. Edited 4 times in total.)
Chapter 7
Engagement ko do hafte ho chuke they aur kuch na badal kar bhi sab kuch badal chuka tha. Mom ab jab dekho shaadi ki baat karti rehti - dates, shopping lists, venue options. Ghar mein shayad koi aur unse is sab ke baare mein baat nahi karna chahta tha. Dad aur Vishal ke liye yeh ek formality thi jo sahi samay aane par nipta di jayegi.
Main bhi jitna ho sake in discussions se door bhagti rahi. Par Mom ko sirf Ishita mein woh excitement mili jo unke mann mein thi. Last weekend toh hadd ho gayi - dono living room mein baith kar engagement ki photos TV par dekh rahi thi. "Yeh dekho kitni achhi lag rahi hai!" har photo par commentary. Vishal annoy hokar ghar se nikal gaya. Maine apne aap ko apne room mein band kar liya.
Dad ne Ishita ko clearly bol diya tha ko woh ek bhi photo instagram ya social media par nahi daalegi. Ishita ki shakal dekhne layak thi tab, argue karna chahti thi par darr bhi rahi thi. Poor Ishita, the future bahu of my family.
Aakhir aaj woh doctor appointment ka din tha. Main do hafton se na toh main Raj se mili thi aur na hi unse baat karne ki himmat hui thi. Bas beech beech mein woh mujhe text kar dete aur main unhe ek short sa reply kar deti. Par aaj… aaj phir unse face to face milna, doctor se bhi jyada ajeeb lag raha tha.
Maine apne saare kapde nikaal kar bed par rakh diye they. Mera mann keh raha tha main unke saamne thoda feminine ban kar jayun par mere regular kapdon mein se ek bhi kapda aisa nahi tha jin mein main aisi dikhu. Reluctantly mere paas tshirt aur jeans pehenne ke elawa koi option nahi tha, wohi boys ki regular uniform.
Maine ready ho kar apne aap ko mirror mein dekha. Pichhle do-teen mahino se haircut na hone ki wajah se mere hairs naturally thode se lambe ho gaye they aur mere face par aa rahe they. Bahut jyada nahi par haan noticeable. Maine unhe ungli se samet-te hue apne kaano ke peeche tuck kiya.
Yeh zara sa change hi itna feminine lag raha tha mujhe. Maine sharmate hue apni aankhen jhuka li.
Tabhi phone par ek text message aane ki aayi. Maine check kiya toh Raj ka hi message tha, “I am here downstairs. Whenever you are ready.”
Maine hadbadate hue apna bag uthaya aur jo medicines aur creams main use kar rahi thi unhe apne bag mein daala. Meri dressing table par engagement ki woh diamond ring bhi laparwahi se rakhi hui thi. Maine use ek-do pal ke liye dekha aur phir use apni mutthi mein bharte hue bag mein baaki samaan ke saath daal diya. Apne kamre se bahar nikalte hi main main door par aa gayi aur apne shoes pehenne lagi.
Filhaal sirf Mom hi ghar par thi, aur woh khadi ho kar bechaini se meri taraf dekhne lagi, jaisi apni jawaan beti ko date par jaate hue dekh rahi ho. Hum dono ek doosre se kuch nahi bole aur main jaldi se ghar se bahar nikal aayi.
Neeche Raj ek compact par stylish si car mein sunglasses lagaye baithe they. Maine hesitatingly aage ka passenger door khola aur andar baith gayi. Maine nervously muskurate hue unki taraf dekha, unka wohi casual par handsome smiling look tha.
Maine jaldi se seat belt lagayi aur bag ko apni godi mein rakh liya. Car mein unka cologne ki smell thi, same jo engagement par thi.
“How have you been?” Raj ne gaadi chalana shuru karte hue kaha.
“Good.” Maine saamne dekhte hue one word mein answer kiya.
“It’s just been two weeks, par aisa lag raha hai jaise kab se tumse nahi.” Raj ki aawaz mein ek calmness par thoda sa emotion tha. “Tumne call nahi kiya.”
“Aapne bhi toh nahi kiya.” Maine turant unhe wapis jawaab diya. Aur dete hi laga ki main kuch galat bol gayi thi. Unki taraf dekha toh ab unki smile aur bhi wide ho gayi thi.
“Fair point! Waise family ke kuch log tumhara number maang rahe they tumhe whatsapp group mein add karne ke liye par main tumhari permission ke bina share nahi karna chahta tha.”
“Haan please, abhi kisi se number share nahi karna. Agar kisi ne aise hi call kar liya toh?”
Gaadi chalate hue Raj ki nazar meri ungliyon ki taraf gayi jahan kuch missing sa lag raha tha. Maine unki fingers mein dekha toh meri pehnayi hui ring wahan abhi bhi thi.
“Ring… achhi nahi lagi?”
“Nahi woh baat nahi hai.” Main jaldi se koi excuse dhoondne lagi. “Main bas… thodi clumsy hoon. Toh mom ne apne paas sambhal kar rakh li. Ek din meri ungli se nikal kar sink mein gir gayi thi.”
Mujhe apne mind mein kafi believable sa excuse lag raha tha. Sach bolne ki himmat hi nahi ho rahi thi. Ye bolne ki aapne hi kaha tha ki yeh engagement bas naam ki hai toh phir rings pehen kar dikhawa kyun karna.
“Mujhe laga tumhe perfectly fit hogi. Par koi nahi, size ko refit kara lenge.”
Sach yeh tha ki ring ekdam perfect size ki thi par mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha Raj ko yeh baat kaise pata thi.
“Nahi… it’s ok. Fingers ka size bhi change hota rehta hai.” Kanika ne ye kaha toh par uski aawaz mein itna conviction nahi tha.
Kuch pal ke liye gaadi mein chuppi ho gayi. Raj ne Kanika ko uncomfortable hote dekh topic change kar diya, “So… yeh doctor… Dr. Bhargava, itni aasani se nahi milti inki appointment. Aur kamaal ki baat hai ki jyada logo ne unka naam bhi nahi suna hai. But I am told he is the best, and we got lucky.”
“Hmmm…” main unki baatein dhyaan se sun rahi thi par woh mujhe calm karne ki jagah aur bhi jyada nervous kar rahi thi. Jaise Jaise jagah paas aati jaa rahi thi meri nervousness badti jaa rahi thi.
Ghar se jyada door nahi thi yeh jagah par yeh koi bada sa hospital nahi tha. Market area ke backside mein ek kafi simple si dikhne wali building thi. Agar koi kehta ki ye koi warehouse ya chhota sa office hai toh shayad main maan leti, par ek specialist doctor ka office, bilkul nahi! Bahar na toh koi board tha na name plate.
Raj ne apni car ko wahin street parking mein lagaya aur meri taraf dekha. “Tum akele jaana chaho toh mujhe koi problem nahi hai. Jaise tum comfortable feel karo.”
“Nahi nahi, main yahan akele nahi jaa sakti. Aap please mere saath chaliye na.” Main andar akele jaar ke baare mein sochte hi darr rahi thi.
Raj gaadi se utre aur doosri taraf aate hue mera door khola. Unhone mera haath pakadte hue mujhe bahar nikalne mein support kiya, bilkul kisi gentleman ki tarah. Hum dono building ke front door se enter ho gaye.
Andar ghuste hi poora scene badal gaya. Circular lobby. Shining marble flooring. Reception par ek elegant ladki computer dekh rahi thi. Poora vibe posh, elegant. Main bilkul out of place feel kar rahi thi.
Raj do kadam aage bade reception par. Receptionist ne bina dekhe, bina bole saamne screen ki taraf ishara kiya. Raj ne number type kiya. Screen ne room number display kiya. Sab kuch... unusual tha. Aisi doctor ki jagah maine kabhi nahi dekhi.
Circular lobby mein kayi entrances the - room numbers likhe hue. Hum apne number ki taraf chale. Passage se nikle, finally room tak pahuche. Ek nurse ne darwaza khola. Hum andar doctor chamber mein baith gaye.
Kuch pal baad doctor doosre darwaze se enter hue. Woh hamare saamne aakar baithe, jaise koi doctor nahi koi performer ho.
Woh apne desk par rakhe ek ipad ko padte hue bole, “Mister Rajneesh… and Miss Kanika, nice to meet you.”
Rajneesh! Yeh kiska naam tha?! Kya Raj ka poora naam Rajneesh tha, mujhe toh yeh tak nahi pata tha.
“You can call me Raj, doctor.” Raj ne apne cool calm andaaz mein kaha. “We are glad we could get an appointment so quickly with you.”
“Yes I see… you were really lucky! Sorry bahar se yahan tak… yeh sab thoda weird laga hoga but its for the privacy of our clients.”
“Absolutely, makes sense.”
Doctor ne meri taraf dekha. "So Miss Kanika. Why are you here?"
Maine puzzled hote hue Doctor ki taraf dekh, phir Raj ki taraf, aur phir wapas doctor ki taraf. Woh jaante toh they main yahan kyun aayi thi. Mujhse kyun pooch rahe they.
Doctor meri shakal padte hue bole, “Strange question, I know. But it’s one of my first rules. I never offer treatment to someone who has no clarity of what they want. So I ask again, why are you here?”
Main hichkichate hue sochne lagi, kyun aayi thi main yahan, kya tha mere dil mein. “To... completely transform into a girl, I guess.”
“You guess or you know?”
“I know.”
“Hmmm… so tell me what does it mean to be a girl?”
Sawaal mushkil hota jaa raha tha “I don't know... to be… to be able to not hide myself from others that I am a girl.”
Doctor ke chehre par ek muskaan aa gayi, “Not bad, I was expecting a different answer from you.”
Mera mind in intense questions ko handle karte hue zor zor se dhadak raha tha. Raj aaram se chup chaap baithe they, jaise woh bas yahan moral support ke liye aaye ho.”
“It’s very important that you feel free to not hide yourself. Tell me do you dress up freely as a girl outside. Are you dressed as a girl today?”
“Nahi… no.”
“Right… aur aisa kyun hai?” Is baar unhone mere answer ka wait nahi kiya. “Because you are not equipped to be a girl yet. There is a start, no doubt about it, but there is still some way to go."
Unhone pause liya.
"Now I will only ask what is relevant for me and nothing else, so don’t feel intimidated by me. I know you are still quite young, but I sense a quiet courage in you.”
Maine dheere se sar hilaya aur doctor ne jaldi se sawaalon ki baarish shuru kar di. Main kab se jaanti hu ki main ek ladki hoon, maine kya kiya jab yeh realize kiya, maine kya medicines ya therapy li ab tak.
Is aakhri question par maine apne bag se medicines nikaalte hue unke aage kar di.
Par unhone door se hi unhone dekhte hue mujhe rok diya, “No No that’s fine, I know what these are. Cheap copies… we will get you on the right track.”
Maine dawai wapas apne bag mein daal di. Kitni aasani se unhone inhe cheap copies bata diya tha, jabki aaj main jo bhi thi inki wajah se hi thi. Par shayad woh sahi bol rahe they bhi. Yeh sochna aur bhi bura laga.
“So before we discuss medicine, I need to do a physical examination. Is that ok… Mr Raj?”
Unhone yeh sawaal mujhse na poochte hue Raj se poocha jaise is sab mein meri koi marzi hi na ho.
Raj ne meri taraf dekhte hue kaha, “Yes, sure doctor.”
“Ok. Miss Kanika, aap yahan andar examination chamber mein aa jayo. Nurse aapko change karne ke liye ek gown de dengi. I will be back in 10 minutes while you change.”
Doctor jaldi se khade hokar wahan se chale gaye. Aur main wahan nervous Raj ke saath reh gayi. Mujhe nahi pata tha aisa bhi kuch hone wala tha, main is ke liye bilkul prepared nahi thi.
Raj ne mujhe tense hote dekh kaha, “Bas ek routine medical checkup jaisa hai. Tension lene ki baat nahi hai.”
Maine dheere se haan mein sar hilaya aur us doosre door se ek nurse aakar khadi ho gayi, jaise mera intezaar kar rahi ho.
Maine khade hote hue Raj ko dekha. Shayad yeh agla step mujhe akele hi karna padega.
“I think tum akele is mein jyada comfortable mehsoos karogi.” Raj ne mere mann ki baat dohrayi
Main nurse ki taraf badi aur woh mujhe ek door se le jaate hue ek doosre room mein le gayi jahan ek unchi si medical chair jaisi thi jisme par ek disposable kagaz bichha hua tha.
Nurse se mujhe gown pakdate hue kaha, “Isme change kar lijiye. Kapde utaar kar aap is box mein rakh sakti hain.”
“Kya utaarna hai mujhe.” maine nervously poocha.
“Saare kapde. Undergarments bhi. Aur yeh gown pehen lena.”
Nurse kuch aur kahe bina jaldi se kamre se bahar nikal gayi. Aur main gown pakde khadi reh gayi thi. Apne ghar ek elawa, poore kapde toh shayad maine aaj tak kahin bhi nahi utaare they. Maine nervously kamre mein idhar udhar dekha, check karne ke liye ki safe toh tha na, jaise mujhe pata hi chal jaata agar kahin koi camera hota toh.
Maine dheere se apni tshirt utaari aur uske andar ke camisole ko bhi. Utaarte hi main khud ko kafi exposed sa mehsoos kar rahi thi. Maine jaldi se gown ko apne upar daal diya. Gown pehente hi mujhe realize hua ki gown mein kayi saari jagah slits they, kapda beech mein se khula hua tha. Aage mere chest ke beech mein, peeche meri peeth aur uske neeche, aur saamne meri pant ke area mein bhi. Kitna ajeeb sa gown tha yeh, aisa lag raha tha jaise apne aap ko cover karke bhi main dhaki nahi hui hoon. Maine last mein apni pant aur underwear ko neeche sarkaya.
Mujhe apna underwear dekh kar sharam si aane lagi, ek local brand ka boys ka underwear tha. Mujhe kya pata tha aaj mujhe underwear bhi utaarna padega. Maine turant use ulta karke box mein daal diya, apni jeans ke neeche chhupate hue.
Main nervously gown pehne room mein khadi gayi. Peeche se gown poora khula hua mehsoos ho raha tha.
![[Image: 12.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/JhZpz0CL/12.jpg)
Main doctor ke aane ka wait karne lagi, pata nahi unhe kaise pata chalega ki maine change kar liya hai kya. Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki mujhe darwaza khol kar nurse ko kuch bolna chahiye kya.
Kuch minutes ka wait hi is akele se room mein kafi lamba lagne laga tha par achanak se darwaze par ek knock hui, aur maine hadbadate hue, “Come in,” keh diya.
Darwaza khula aur Doctor kamre mein andar aa gaye. Unhone dheere se apne peeche darwaza band kar diya. Unhone apne chehre par ek surgical mask chadaya aur room mein rakhe ek liquid gel si cheez mein apne haath duboye. Main kafi carefully unki taraf dekh rahi thi.
“This will make my hands warm,” unhone meri curiosity sense karte hue kaha. “Mujhe bare hands se touch karna padta hai toh feel the muscle tissue, and understand kahan change needed hai. Gloves mein achhe se pata nahi chalta.”
Woh apne hand halke se wipe karte hue mere saamne khade ho gaye. Unhe saamne khade hue realize hue ki woh mujhe height mein kafi lambe they. Meri shakal par tension badti jaa rahi thi. “Just relax, it will only take a few minutes. Think of something else if it helps you, main TV on kar sakta hoon. Will that help you?”
Main nervously haan mein sar hilaya aur unhone ek remote se TV on kar diya. Koi english movie chal rahi thi.
Unhone mujhe mera haath aage karne ka ishaara kiya aur maine theek waisa hi kiya. Unhe meri dono nazuk kalaiyan apne haath mein le li aur unhe dheere dheere dabate hue mehsoos karne lage. Unke haath aage peeche jaate hue mere ungliyon se lekar mere shoulders tak sab kuch check kar rahe they.
![[Image: 90.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/qqTVvS5j/90.jpg)
“Good… small thin bone structure. That is the hardest to change. Haath upar karo.”
Maine haath upar kiye toh mere underarms unhe dikhne lage, jahan thode thode baal they aur mera chehra sharam se laal ho gaya. Kaash Raj ne mujhe is sab ke liye pehle se prepare karwaya hota.
Woh mere armpits ko chhute hue bole, “Some work needed there… softer tissues… not a problem.” Mujhe wahan chhute hue tickling si honi lagi aur haath seedha rakhna kafi mushkil tha.
Aisa lag raha tha woh mujh se jyada apne aap se bol rahe they. Mere doosre haat ko check karne ke baad unhone mere kandho par haath rakhte hue mujhe dheere se turn kiya aur meri neck aur usse thoda upar mehsoos karne lage. Woh fir kuch badbadaye, shayad ab tak sab theek hi tha.
![[Image: Lop.jpg]](https://i.postimg.cc/PqVmW8sy/Lop.jpg)
“I am going to have a look at your back now, ok.”
Maine dheere se haa mein sar hilaya aur unhone turant peeche ke ek button ko kholte hue meri poori peeth ughad di. Woh meri back toh acche se feel karte hue meri waist tak aaye, aur mujhe fir se gudgudi hone lagi.
“Ahh you are ticklish. Some waist formation, but we can do better.”
Is baad unhone bina pooche hi apne haath meri ass par rakh diye aur mere muh se ek halki si cheekh nikal gayi. Par woh use nazarandaar karte hue meri apne haath meri ass se le jaate hue meri thighs aur taango se neeche le gaye. Sab kuch kitna ganda sa lag raha tha, ek mard mere shareer ke har hisse ko chhoo raha tha, aur woh bhi pehli baar.
Meri patli taango se neeche aate hue unke haath ekdam kas kar meri ankles par ruk gaye. “Shoes and socks! Ye nahi utaare aapne.”
“Sorry mujhe woh nahi pata tha.”
“Nurse ne samjhaya nahi sahi se. Ok never mind, just take them off now quickly.” Unki aawaz mein thoda impatience sa tha jisne mujhe jaldi se apne shoes aur socks utaarne par mazboor kar diya tha. Main unhe utaarne ke liye mud kar chair par baith aur doctor fir se mere saamne ho gaye they. Woh bilkul khush nahi lag rahe they.
Jaise hi maine apni socks utaari, woh meri feet ko inspect karne lage.
“Good… like I said, your bone structure is easy to work with. Physically you are blessed already. Now the next part is the most sensitive, I need to feel your breasts and then your scrotum. Ok?”
Main iske liye bilkul prepared nahi thi, mujhe toh yeh bhi nahi pata tha scrotum kise kehte hain. Par maine ek gehri saans li aur apni saans rok li. Unke haath aage se mere gown mein ghuse aur mere breasts ko apne haath se gently cup karne lage. Mujhe aisa lag raha tha jaise main abhi ro padungi.
“Not bad… depending on the size you want to get you, we can… but we can decide that later with Mr Raj.”
Aur fir achanak se unka haath aage se mere gown ke neeche hisse mein ghusa aur mere penis ke thoda neeche mere balls par aa rakha. Main ek dam hadbada si gayi, mujhe ye nahi idea tha ki woh wahan bhi check karenge. Aisa lag raha tha jaise main abhi ulti kar dungi.
“Relax!” Unhone mujhe thoda sternly bola, “Maine abhi toh kaha tha ki mujhe scrotum bhi check karna padega.”
Unka haath idhar udhar ghoomte hue mere penis par aa gaya aur use halke se sehlane laga. Mere chehra buri tarah sharam se laal ho chuka tha aur maine apna sar jhuka liya. Unka haath kuch second baad bahar nikla, par tab tak main poora tarah violated mehsoos kar chuki thi.
“Good news down there as well. Aap apne kapde pehen kar wapas bahar jaa sakti ho. I will be there in a few minutes.”
Doctor jaldi se bahar chala gaya aur maine ek zor ki saans li. Aansu meri aankhon se behte hue neeche tapak rahe they aur maine apne muh par apna haath rakh diya taaki bahar kisi ko mere rone ki aawaz na aaye. Kuch pal baad jab mere emotions mere control mein aaye maine jaldi se apne kapde pehenne shuru kiye.
Jab main change karke wapas Raj ke paas pahuchi toh main apne chehre par ek jhoothi smile laa chuki thi. Isse pehle ki Raj mujhse kuch poochte, Doctor wapas wahan aa kar hamare saamne baith gaya. Use wahan dekhte hi mere emotions phir se out of control hone lage they. Par main kisi tarah apne dono haathon se apne pairon ko jakda aur poori concentration se uski baatein sunne ki koshish karne lagi.
“Mr. Raj, as I was telling Miss Kanika in the room, there is so much already going right for her. I am going to switch her over to a different better prescription, which you can get at any high end pharmacy. Aur saath hi I would recommend laser hair removal and hair grafting, uske liye main contacts de dunga, we don’t do that here.”
Doctor ne ek pause liya phir continue kiya, “Because she is already so thin, liposuction ki zaroorat nahi padegi, par woh aap baad mein karwa sakte hai for the accentuated waist. She actually does need to get some fat in the right areas, so I will recommend some dietary intakes. And her skin is already soft, but main phir bhi ek cream prescribe kar dunga for some of the more covered areas. Any questions?”
“How long will all of this take Doctor? To show results?”
“Good thing is she started early, even with what she did. But it will still take some time, we are looking at 12-18 months. And then some voice modulation is also needed, gradually she needs to get comfortable with being comfortable with her feminity. But this is one of better, or really really good cases I have seen.”
Raj ke chehre par thodi si shikan aa gayi, “12-18 months?”
“Koi problem? Things take time, kuch magic nahi hai. I would also recommend vaginoplasty at the end of it all, but we can talk about it another time.”
“Koi aur… faster way nahi hai?”
Doctor ek-do pal Raj ki taraf dekhne ke baad bola, “There is one thing… ek drug testing mein hai abhi, with really positive results. It can possibly cut this down to 3 months. Par abhi fully approved nahi hai… I cannot officially prescribe it.”
“Kitna test hua hai aur kya side effects dekhne ko mile hai ab tak?”
“Kafi extensively test ho gaya hai but you know FDA approval takes time. Side effects jyada kuch khaas nahi, bas initially thoda fatigue, headaches, body pain, nothing unmanageable. If you go down that route it will also solve other problems with hair and voice. It’s actually quite incredible, aur kaafi logo ka dhandha band karwa sakta hai. That’s why people are lobbying hard against it. I personally think its safe and better than doing 10 things.”
“Would we… Kanika… be able to get it here in India?”
“Haan… bas thoda expensive hai… but I think money is not a concern?”
Raj ne na mein sar hilaya, “Not an issue at all. It just needs to be safe for Kanika.”
“I will just need to see her on a more regular basis, once a month or so. Quick visits.”
Main ek mook darshak ki tarah unke beech ki is poori conversation ko sun rahi thi.
Raj ne aakhir mujhse poocha, “Kanika, tumhari kya thoughts hain?”
Maine kuch sochte hue kaha, “Agar safe hai aur results quick hai aur baaki sab bhi nahi karwana padega toh shayad better hai.”
“Much better. Like voice is the hardest thing and there is nothing right now besides voice training that helps it. But this will feel magical almost. You will start seeing results in 2-3 weeks. Oh haan, one thing I forgot to mention.”
Raj aur maine dono ne Doctor ki taraf dekha.
“So estrogen on its own already helps reduce the phallus size and activity, this combined with it also helps reduce scrotum size. Which is what we want ultimately, but… the one thing to note is…” doctor thoda hichkichate hue bola, “Do you still masturbate using your male anatomy?”
Raj ke saamne yeh sawaal ekdam personal aur ajeeb sa lag raha tha aur mere gaal sharam se laal ho gaye they. Samajh nahi aa raha tha kya bolu.
“If you are still using them, then it will take much longer and harder to pleasure and satisfy yourself as your penis will primary function as a urinating tool. So that may have an unintended consequence of you feeling…”
“It’s fine doctor… I am ok with that.” Maine himmat karke unhe beech mein rok diya, main Raj ki presence mein aur embarrass nahi hona chahti thi.
“Great then. Let me write things up and the nurse will give the medicines here. Woh obviously kahin aur nahi milengi. Baaki kuch items still prescription par hai, you can pick it up here or elsewhere.”
“Here is fine,” Raj ee kaha.
Doctor kagaz par kuch likhte hue khada hua aur usne jaane se pehle Raj se haath milaya aur mujhe ek halka sa bye wave kiya. Main itna lost feel kar rahi thi ki shayad maine uske bye ka jawaab bhi nahi fiya tha. Sab kuch ho jaane ke baad aisa lag raha tha jaise main koi clinic nahi science experiment ke liye laboratory aayi hoon.
Raj aur main medicines ka wait karte hue wahin baithe rahe aur thodi der baad ek nurse ne aakar hame saari medicines se run through karwaya. Un special pills ke elawa, additional HRT pills aur kuch creams aur lotion bhi they. Main sab kuch sun rahi thi par mere shareer ka rom rom us jagah se bahar bhaagna chahta tha.
Kuch der baad jab ham wapas Raj ki car tak pahuche toh main already kafi tired sa mehsoos kar rahi thi.
“You must be tired and hungry… chalo lets have lunch.”
Raj mujhe wahin paas ke ek achhe se restaurant mein le gaye jahan filhaan is post lunch timing mein jyada bheed nahi thi. Raj ne unhe hame ek quiet jagah par seat karne ke liye kaha aur server hame thoda andar ki side ek corner mein le gaya.
Main chup chaap baithi thi, Doctor ke clinic mein ghusne se ab tak mere aur Raj ke beech jyada baat nahi hui thi. Menu mere saamne tha par words blur kar rahe they. Aaj ek stranger ne mera poora body check kiya tha. Har inch. Aur maine hone diya tha. Main chahti thi na, yeh sab? Par ab kyun aisa lag raha tha jaise kuch galat ho gaya ho.
Raj ne waiter ko order dene ka ishara kiya, bina mujhse poocha. Usne exactly woh mangaya jo shayad mujhe pasand hota, agar mujhe bhook hoti.
Khana aaya. Main plate ko dekhti rahi.
"Tum khao na," Raj ne dheere se kaha. "Ya kuch aur order karna hai?"
"Haan..." Maine fork uthaya. Rakh diya. "Bas jyada bhook nahi hai."
Kuch pal chup chaap nikle. Raj bhi jyada nahi bol rahe they, jo... unusual tha unke liye. Woh hamesha conversation fill karte they. Aaj woh bas... wahan they. Quietly.
Phir unhone table ke upar se dheere se mere haath par apna haath rakh diya. Mujhe react karne ka bhi mauka nahi mila.
"Aaj jo hua..." Unhone meri aankhon mein dekhte hue kaha "Main jaanta hoon kafi overwhelming tha. Doctor ka andaaz thoda... clinical hai. Par woh best hain. Aur tumhare liye sirf best hi theek hai."
Unke haath ne mere poore haath ko dhaka hua tha. Kafi bada, bhaari aur garam tha unka haath. Mere chhote chhote haath bilkul chhup gaye they aur dheere dheere garam hona shuru ho gaye they. Mann kar raha tha main apne haath peeche kheech lu, par jaane kyun achha sa lag raha tha.
"Kuch bura toh nahi laga na tumhe aaj?" Unhone poocha. Unki awaaz soft thi.
"Nahi," maine jaldi se kaha. "Sab theek tha."
Woh kuch pal chup rahe. Main feel kar sakti thi ki woh mujhe dekh rahe they. Meri jhoothi smile ko, meri neechi nazrein ko. Shayad woh jaante they. Par unhone press nahi kiya.
"Theek hai," unhone bas itna sa kaha.
Kuch seconds baad unka haath dheere se mere haathon se hatt kar wapas apni taraf chala gaya. Maine bhi turant apne haath peeche kheech liye aur apni godi mein rakhte hue unhe apas mein kas ke pakad liya. Is zara se touch ne hi therapy jaisa kaam kiya.
Kuch pal ki chuppi ke baad realize hua ki mujhe sach mein bhook lag rahi thi. Maine fork uthaya. Ek bite liya. Phir doosra. Raj kuch nahi bole. Bas dheere dheere apna khana khatam karte rahe, mujhe apni pace par khane diya. Koi comment nahi, koi hurry nahi.
Restaurant se bahar nikle toh shaam ho chali thi.
Car mein baith kar jab hum mere ghar ki taraf chal rahe they, tab bhi wahi si chuppi thi. Par is baar thodi alag, comfortable si, exhausted si.
Car jaise hi mere ghar ke saamne ruki maine turant apni seat belt khol di.
"Okay, thank you..." maine bolne ko hue thi ki unhone mera naam lete hue mujhe rok diya.
"Kanika."
Maine ruk kar unki taraf dekha.
Raj ne apna haath mere chehere ki taraf badhaya. Bohot slowly. Jaise mujhe react karne ka time de rahe hon. Unki fingers dheere se mere gaal par aakar ruki aur wahan halke se sehlane lagi.
"Tum bahut brave ho," unhone whisper kiya. "Aaj tumne jo himmat dikhayi hai, yeh easy nahi tha. Main jaanta hoon. It's never been easy for you."
Toh unhone notice kiya tha. Sab kuch. Mere red eyes. Meri jhoothi smile. Change karke bahar aane mein jo zyada waqt laga tha. Mere gale mein kuch bhar aaya. Maine apni aankhein palkein jhapki nahi, control kiya khud ko, nahi toh main ro hi padti.
"Main do hafte mein wapas aa jaunga," unhone kaha, haath abhi bhi mere gaal par. "Doctor ki next appointment tab tak set ho jaayegi. Tab saath jayenge."
Unka thumb halke se mere honthon ke neeche fira. Ek slow, deliberate movement.
"Tab tak is naye treatment ko start karo. Aur..." ek pause, "agli baar ho sake toh apni ring pehen lena."
Maine unki aankhon mein dekhte hue dheere se haan mein nod kiya.
"Apna khayal rakhna."
"Aap bhi," maine turant barely whisper mein kaha.
Woh mujhe kuch pal aise hi dekhte rahe aur phir unka haath neeche aa gaya. Mujhe ab car ka door khol kar neeche utarna tha par mere haath hi nahi chal rahe they.
"Jao ab," unhone muskurate hue kaha. "Tumhari Mom wait kar rahi hogi."
Main jaldi se car se utri aur do kadam apni building ki taraf chali. Peeche mud kar dekha toh unki car abhi bhi wahin khadi thi. Mujhe peeche nahi mudna chahiye tha. Car ki window se woh abhi bhi mujhe dekh rahe they.
Main turant wapas mud gayi aur gaal par apna haath rakhe apne ghar ki taraf chal padi. Andar jaane se pehle maine ek pal ke liye rukkar apne bag mein haath daala. Thoda dhoondne par aakhir ring wahin bag mein mil gayi. Maine use nikaal kar apni ungli mein pehen liya.
Main kafi jyada tired feel kar rahi thi aur aaj shayad kafi dino baad ghar pahuchne ke liye thodi betaab thi. Ek kafi ajeeb sa din aakhir khatam ho gaya tha.
Engagement ko do hafte ho chuke they aur kuch na badal kar bhi sab kuch badal chuka tha. Mom ab jab dekho shaadi ki baat karti rehti - dates, shopping lists, venue options. Ghar mein shayad koi aur unse is sab ke baare mein baat nahi karna chahta tha. Dad aur Vishal ke liye yeh ek formality thi jo sahi samay aane par nipta di jayegi.
Main bhi jitna ho sake in discussions se door bhagti rahi. Par Mom ko sirf Ishita mein woh excitement mili jo unke mann mein thi. Last weekend toh hadd ho gayi - dono living room mein baith kar engagement ki photos TV par dekh rahi thi. "Yeh dekho kitni achhi lag rahi hai!" har photo par commentary. Vishal annoy hokar ghar se nikal gaya. Maine apne aap ko apne room mein band kar liya.
Dad ne Ishita ko clearly bol diya tha ko woh ek bhi photo instagram ya social media par nahi daalegi. Ishita ki shakal dekhne layak thi tab, argue karna chahti thi par darr bhi rahi thi. Poor Ishita, the future bahu of my family.
Aakhir aaj woh doctor appointment ka din tha. Main do hafton se na toh main Raj se mili thi aur na hi unse baat karne ki himmat hui thi. Bas beech beech mein woh mujhe text kar dete aur main unhe ek short sa reply kar deti. Par aaj… aaj phir unse face to face milna, doctor se bhi jyada ajeeb lag raha tha.
Maine apne saare kapde nikaal kar bed par rakh diye they. Mera mann keh raha tha main unke saamne thoda feminine ban kar jayun par mere regular kapdon mein se ek bhi kapda aisa nahi tha jin mein main aisi dikhu. Reluctantly mere paas tshirt aur jeans pehenne ke elawa koi option nahi tha, wohi boys ki regular uniform.
Maine ready ho kar apne aap ko mirror mein dekha. Pichhle do-teen mahino se haircut na hone ki wajah se mere hairs naturally thode se lambe ho gaye they aur mere face par aa rahe they. Bahut jyada nahi par haan noticeable. Maine unhe ungli se samet-te hue apne kaano ke peeche tuck kiya.
Yeh zara sa change hi itna feminine lag raha tha mujhe. Maine sharmate hue apni aankhen jhuka li.
Tabhi phone par ek text message aane ki aayi. Maine check kiya toh Raj ka hi message tha, “I am here downstairs. Whenever you are ready.”
Maine hadbadate hue apna bag uthaya aur jo medicines aur creams main use kar rahi thi unhe apne bag mein daala. Meri dressing table par engagement ki woh diamond ring bhi laparwahi se rakhi hui thi. Maine use ek-do pal ke liye dekha aur phir use apni mutthi mein bharte hue bag mein baaki samaan ke saath daal diya. Apne kamre se bahar nikalte hi main main door par aa gayi aur apne shoes pehenne lagi.
Filhaal sirf Mom hi ghar par thi, aur woh khadi ho kar bechaini se meri taraf dekhne lagi, jaisi apni jawaan beti ko date par jaate hue dekh rahi ho. Hum dono ek doosre se kuch nahi bole aur main jaldi se ghar se bahar nikal aayi.
Neeche Raj ek compact par stylish si car mein sunglasses lagaye baithe they. Maine hesitatingly aage ka passenger door khola aur andar baith gayi. Maine nervously muskurate hue unki taraf dekha, unka wohi casual par handsome smiling look tha.
Maine jaldi se seat belt lagayi aur bag ko apni godi mein rakh liya. Car mein unka cologne ki smell thi, same jo engagement par thi.
“How have you been?” Raj ne gaadi chalana shuru karte hue kaha.
“Good.” Maine saamne dekhte hue one word mein answer kiya.
“It’s just been two weeks, par aisa lag raha hai jaise kab se tumse nahi.” Raj ki aawaz mein ek calmness par thoda sa emotion tha. “Tumne call nahi kiya.”
“Aapne bhi toh nahi kiya.” Maine turant unhe wapis jawaab diya. Aur dete hi laga ki main kuch galat bol gayi thi. Unki taraf dekha toh ab unki smile aur bhi wide ho gayi thi.
“Fair point! Waise family ke kuch log tumhara number maang rahe they tumhe whatsapp group mein add karne ke liye par main tumhari permission ke bina share nahi karna chahta tha.”
“Haan please, abhi kisi se number share nahi karna. Agar kisi ne aise hi call kar liya toh?”
Gaadi chalate hue Raj ki nazar meri ungliyon ki taraf gayi jahan kuch missing sa lag raha tha. Maine unki fingers mein dekha toh meri pehnayi hui ring wahan abhi bhi thi.
“Ring… achhi nahi lagi?”
“Nahi woh baat nahi hai.” Main jaldi se koi excuse dhoondne lagi. “Main bas… thodi clumsy hoon. Toh mom ne apne paas sambhal kar rakh li. Ek din meri ungli se nikal kar sink mein gir gayi thi.”
Mujhe apne mind mein kafi believable sa excuse lag raha tha. Sach bolne ki himmat hi nahi ho rahi thi. Ye bolne ki aapne hi kaha tha ki yeh engagement bas naam ki hai toh phir rings pehen kar dikhawa kyun karna.
“Mujhe laga tumhe perfectly fit hogi. Par koi nahi, size ko refit kara lenge.”
Sach yeh tha ki ring ekdam perfect size ki thi par mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha Raj ko yeh baat kaise pata thi.
“Nahi… it’s ok. Fingers ka size bhi change hota rehta hai.” Kanika ne ye kaha toh par uski aawaz mein itna conviction nahi tha.
Kuch pal ke liye gaadi mein chuppi ho gayi. Raj ne Kanika ko uncomfortable hote dekh topic change kar diya, “So… yeh doctor… Dr. Bhargava, itni aasani se nahi milti inki appointment. Aur kamaal ki baat hai ki jyada logo ne unka naam bhi nahi suna hai. But I am told he is the best, and we got lucky.”
“Hmmm…” main unki baatein dhyaan se sun rahi thi par woh mujhe calm karne ki jagah aur bhi jyada nervous kar rahi thi. Jaise Jaise jagah paas aati jaa rahi thi meri nervousness badti jaa rahi thi.
Ghar se jyada door nahi thi yeh jagah par yeh koi bada sa hospital nahi tha. Market area ke backside mein ek kafi simple si dikhne wali building thi. Agar koi kehta ki ye koi warehouse ya chhota sa office hai toh shayad main maan leti, par ek specialist doctor ka office, bilkul nahi! Bahar na toh koi board tha na name plate.
Raj ne apni car ko wahin street parking mein lagaya aur meri taraf dekha. “Tum akele jaana chaho toh mujhe koi problem nahi hai. Jaise tum comfortable feel karo.”
“Nahi nahi, main yahan akele nahi jaa sakti. Aap please mere saath chaliye na.” Main andar akele jaar ke baare mein sochte hi darr rahi thi.
Raj gaadi se utre aur doosri taraf aate hue mera door khola. Unhone mera haath pakadte hue mujhe bahar nikalne mein support kiya, bilkul kisi gentleman ki tarah. Hum dono building ke front door se enter ho gaye.
Andar ghuste hi poora scene badal gaya. Circular lobby. Shining marble flooring. Reception par ek elegant ladki computer dekh rahi thi. Poora vibe posh, elegant. Main bilkul out of place feel kar rahi thi.
Raj do kadam aage bade reception par. Receptionist ne bina dekhe, bina bole saamne screen ki taraf ishara kiya. Raj ne number type kiya. Screen ne room number display kiya. Sab kuch... unusual tha. Aisi doctor ki jagah maine kabhi nahi dekhi.
Circular lobby mein kayi entrances the - room numbers likhe hue. Hum apne number ki taraf chale. Passage se nikle, finally room tak pahuche. Ek nurse ne darwaza khola. Hum andar doctor chamber mein baith gaye.
Kuch pal baad doctor doosre darwaze se enter hue. Woh hamare saamne aakar baithe, jaise koi doctor nahi koi performer ho.
Woh apne desk par rakhe ek ipad ko padte hue bole, “Mister Rajneesh… and Miss Kanika, nice to meet you.”
Rajneesh! Yeh kiska naam tha?! Kya Raj ka poora naam Rajneesh tha, mujhe toh yeh tak nahi pata tha.
“You can call me Raj, doctor.” Raj ne apne cool calm andaaz mein kaha. “We are glad we could get an appointment so quickly with you.”
“Yes I see… you were really lucky! Sorry bahar se yahan tak… yeh sab thoda weird laga hoga but its for the privacy of our clients.”
“Absolutely, makes sense.”
Doctor ne meri taraf dekha. "So Miss Kanika. Why are you here?"
Maine puzzled hote hue Doctor ki taraf dekh, phir Raj ki taraf, aur phir wapas doctor ki taraf. Woh jaante toh they main yahan kyun aayi thi. Mujhse kyun pooch rahe they.
Doctor meri shakal padte hue bole, “Strange question, I know. But it’s one of my first rules. I never offer treatment to someone who has no clarity of what they want. So I ask again, why are you here?”
Main hichkichate hue sochne lagi, kyun aayi thi main yahan, kya tha mere dil mein. “To... completely transform into a girl, I guess.”
“You guess or you know?”
“I know.”
“Hmmm… so tell me what does it mean to be a girl?”
Sawaal mushkil hota jaa raha tha “I don't know... to be… to be able to not hide myself from others that I am a girl.”
Doctor ke chehre par ek muskaan aa gayi, “Not bad, I was expecting a different answer from you.”
Mera mind in intense questions ko handle karte hue zor zor se dhadak raha tha. Raj aaram se chup chaap baithe they, jaise woh bas yahan moral support ke liye aaye ho.”
“It’s very important that you feel free to not hide yourself. Tell me do you dress up freely as a girl outside. Are you dressed as a girl today?”
“Nahi… no.”
“Right… aur aisa kyun hai?” Is baar unhone mere answer ka wait nahi kiya. “Because you are not equipped to be a girl yet. There is a start, no doubt about it, but there is still some way to go."
Unhone pause liya.
"Now I will only ask what is relevant for me and nothing else, so don’t feel intimidated by me. I know you are still quite young, but I sense a quiet courage in you.”
Maine dheere se sar hilaya aur doctor ne jaldi se sawaalon ki baarish shuru kar di. Main kab se jaanti hu ki main ek ladki hoon, maine kya kiya jab yeh realize kiya, maine kya medicines ya therapy li ab tak.
Is aakhri question par maine apne bag se medicines nikaalte hue unke aage kar di.
Par unhone door se hi unhone dekhte hue mujhe rok diya, “No No that’s fine, I know what these are. Cheap copies… we will get you on the right track.”
Maine dawai wapas apne bag mein daal di. Kitni aasani se unhone inhe cheap copies bata diya tha, jabki aaj main jo bhi thi inki wajah se hi thi. Par shayad woh sahi bol rahe they bhi. Yeh sochna aur bhi bura laga.
“So before we discuss medicine, I need to do a physical examination. Is that ok… Mr Raj?”
Unhone yeh sawaal mujhse na poochte hue Raj se poocha jaise is sab mein meri koi marzi hi na ho.
Raj ne meri taraf dekhte hue kaha, “Yes, sure doctor.”
“Ok. Miss Kanika, aap yahan andar examination chamber mein aa jayo. Nurse aapko change karne ke liye ek gown de dengi. I will be back in 10 minutes while you change.”
Doctor jaldi se khade hokar wahan se chale gaye. Aur main wahan nervous Raj ke saath reh gayi. Mujhe nahi pata tha aisa bhi kuch hone wala tha, main is ke liye bilkul prepared nahi thi.
Raj ne mujhe tense hote dekh kaha, “Bas ek routine medical checkup jaisa hai. Tension lene ki baat nahi hai.”
Maine dheere se haan mein sar hilaya aur us doosre door se ek nurse aakar khadi ho gayi, jaise mera intezaar kar rahi ho.
Maine khade hote hue Raj ko dekha. Shayad yeh agla step mujhe akele hi karna padega.
“I think tum akele is mein jyada comfortable mehsoos karogi.” Raj ne mere mann ki baat dohrayi
Main nurse ki taraf badi aur woh mujhe ek door se le jaate hue ek doosre room mein le gayi jahan ek unchi si medical chair jaisi thi jisme par ek disposable kagaz bichha hua tha.
Nurse se mujhe gown pakdate hue kaha, “Isme change kar lijiye. Kapde utaar kar aap is box mein rakh sakti hain.”
“Kya utaarna hai mujhe.” maine nervously poocha.
“Saare kapde. Undergarments bhi. Aur yeh gown pehen lena.”
Nurse kuch aur kahe bina jaldi se kamre se bahar nikal gayi. Aur main gown pakde khadi reh gayi thi. Apne ghar ek elawa, poore kapde toh shayad maine aaj tak kahin bhi nahi utaare they. Maine nervously kamre mein idhar udhar dekha, check karne ke liye ki safe toh tha na, jaise mujhe pata hi chal jaata agar kahin koi camera hota toh.
Maine dheere se apni tshirt utaari aur uske andar ke camisole ko bhi. Utaarte hi main khud ko kafi exposed sa mehsoos kar rahi thi. Maine jaldi se gown ko apne upar daal diya. Gown pehente hi mujhe realize hua ki gown mein kayi saari jagah slits they, kapda beech mein se khula hua tha. Aage mere chest ke beech mein, peeche meri peeth aur uske neeche, aur saamne meri pant ke area mein bhi. Kitna ajeeb sa gown tha yeh, aisa lag raha tha jaise apne aap ko cover karke bhi main dhaki nahi hui hoon. Maine last mein apni pant aur underwear ko neeche sarkaya.
Mujhe apna underwear dekh kar sharam si aane lagi, ek local brand ka boys ka underwear tha. Mujhe kya pata tha aaj mujhe underwear bhi utaarna padega. Maine turant use ulta karke box mein daal diya, apni jeans ke neeche chhupate hue.
Main nervously gown pehne room mein khadi gayi. Peeche se gown poora khula hua mehsoos ho raha tha.
Main doctor ke aane ka wait karne lagi, pata nahi unhe kaise pata chalega ki maine change kar liya hai kya. Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki mujhe darwaza khol kar nurse ko kuch bolna chahiye kya.
Kuch minutes ka wait hi is akele se room mein kafi lamba lagne laga tha par achanak se darwaze par ek knock hui, aur maine hadbadate hue, “Come in,” keh diya.
Darwaza khula aur Doctor kamre mein andar aa gaye. Unhone dheere se apne peeche darwaza band kar diya. Unhone apne chehre par ek surgical mask chadaya aur room mein rakhe ek liquid gel si cheez mein apne haath duboye. Main kafi carefully unki taraf dekh rahi thi.
“This will make my hands warm,” unhone meri curiosity sense karte hue kaha. “Mujhe bare hands se touch karna padta hai toh feel the muscle tissue, and understand kahan change needed hai. Gloves mein achhe se pata nahi chalta.”
Woh apne hand halke se wipe karte hue mere saamne khade ho gaye. Unhe saamne khade hue realize hue ki woh mujhe height mein kafi lambe they. Meri shakal par tension badti jaa rahi thi. “Just relax, it will only take a few minutes. Think of something else if it helps you, main TV on kar sakta hoon. Will that help you?”
Main nervously haan mein sar hilaya aur unhone ek remote se TV on kar diya. Koi english movie chal rahi thi.
Unhone mujhe mera haath aage karne ka ishaara kiya aur maine theek waisa hi kiya. Unhe meri dono nazuk kalaiyan apne haath mein le li aur unhe dheere dheere dabate hue mehsoos karne lage. Unke haath aage peeche jaate hue mere ungliyon se lekar mere shoulders tak sab kuch check kar rahe they.
“Good… small thin bone structure. That is the hardest to change. Haath upar karo.”
Maine haath upar kiye toh mere underarms unhe dikhne lage, jahan thode thode baal they aur mera chehra sharam se laal ho gaya. Kaash Raj ne mujhe is sab ke liye pehle se prepare karwaya hota.
Woh mere armpits ko chhute hue bole, “Some work needed there… softer tissues… not a problem.” Mujhe wahan chhute hue tickling si honi lagi aur haath seedha rakhna kafi mushkil tha.
Aisa lag raha tha woh mujh se jyada apne aap se bol rahe they. Mere doosre haat ko check karne ke baad unhone mere kandho par haath rakhte hue mujhe dheere se turn kiya aur meri neck aur usse thoda upar mehsoos karne lage. Woh fir kuch badbadaye, shayad ab tak sab theek hi tha.
“I am going to have a look at your back now, ok.”
Maine dheere se haa mein sar hilaya aur unhone turant peeche ke ek button ko kholte hue meri poori peeth ughad di. Woh meri back toh acche se feel karte hue meri waist tak aaye, aur mujhe fir se gudgudi hone lagi.
“Ahh you are ticklish. Some waist formation, but we can do better.”
Is baad unhone bina pooche hi apne haath meri ass par rakh diye aur mere muh se ek halki si cheekh nikal gayi. Par woh use nazarandaar karte hue meri apne haath meri ass se le jaate hue meri thighs aur taango se neeche le gaye. Sab kuch kitna ganda sa lag raha tha, ek mard mere shareer ke har hisse ko chhoo raha tha, aur woh bhi pehli baar.
Meri patli taango se neeche aate hue unke haath ekdam kas kar meri ankles par ruk gaye. “Shoes and socks! Ye nahi utaare aapne.”
“Sorry mujhe woh nahi pata tha.”
“Nurse ne samjhaya nahi sahi se. Ok never mind, just take them off now quickly.” Unki aawaz mein thoda impatience sa tha jisne mujhe jaldi se apne shoes aur socks utaarne par mazboor kar diya tha. Main unhe utaarne ke liye mud kar chair par baith aur doctor fir se mere saamne ho gaye they. Woh bilkul khush nahi lag rahe they.
Jaise hi maine apni socks utaari, woh meri feet ko inspect karne lage.
“Good… like I said, your bone structure is easy to work with. Physically you are blessed already. Now the next part is the most sensitive, I need to feel your breasts and then your scrotum. Ok?”
Main iske liye bilkul prepared nahi thi, mujhe toh yeh bhi nahi pata tha scrotum kise kehte hain. Par maine ek gehri saans li aur apni saans rok li. Unke haath aage se mere gown mein ghuse aur mere breasts ko apne haath se gently cup karne lage. Mujhe aisa lag raha tha jaise main abhi ro padungi.
“Not bad… depending on the size you want to get you, we can… but we can decide that later with Mr Raj.”
Aur fir achanak se unka haath aage se mere gown ke neeche hisse mein ghusa aur mere penis ke thoda neeche mere balls par aa rakha. Main ek dam hadbada si gayi, mujhe ye nahi idea tha ki woh wahan bhi check karenge. Aisa lag raha tha jaise main abhi ulti kar dungi.
“Relax!” Unhone mujhe thoda sternly bola, “Maine abhi toh kaha tha ki mujhe scrotum bhi check karna padega.”
Unka haath idhar udhar ghoomte hue mere penis par aa gaya aur use halke se sehlane laga. Mere chehra buri tarah sharam se laal ho chuka tha aur maine apna sar jhuka liya. Unka haath kuch second baad bahar nikla, par tab tak main poora tarah violated mehsoos kar chuki thi.
“Good news down there as well. Aap apne kapde pehen kar wapas bahar jaa sakti ho. I will be there in a few minutes.”
Doctor jaldi se bahar chala gaya aur maine ek zor ki saans li. Aansu meri aankhon se behte hue neeche tapak rahe they aur maine apne muh par apna haath rakh diya taaki bahar kisi ko mere rone ki aawaz na aaye. Kuch pal baad jab mere emotions mere control mein aaye maine jaldi se apne kapde pehenne shuru kiye.
Jab main change karke wapas Raj ke paas pahuchi toh main apne chehre par ek jhoothi smile laa chuki thi. Isse pehle ki Raj mujhse kuch poochte, Doctor wapas wahan aa kar hamare saamne baith gaya. Use wahan dekhte hi mere emotions phir se out of control hone lage they. Par main kisi tarah apne dono haathon se apne pairon ko jakda aur poori concentration se uski baatein sunne ki koshish karne lagi.
“Mr. Raj, as I was telling Miss Kanika in the room, there is so much already going right for her. I am going to switch her over to a different better prescription, which you can get at any high end pharmacy. Aur saath hi I would recommend laser hair removal and hair grafting, uske liye main contacts de dunga, we don’t do that here.”
Doctor ne ek pause liya phir continue kiya, “Because she is already so thin, liposuction ki zaroorat nahi padegi, par woh aap baad mein karwa sakte hai for the accentuated waist. She actually does need to get some fat in the right areas, so I will recommend some dietary intakes. And her skin is already soft, but main phir bhi ek cream prescribe kar dunga for some of the more covered areas. Any questions?”
“How long will all of this take Doctor? To show results?”
“Good thing is she started early, even with what she did. But it will still take some time, we are looking at 12-18 months. And then some voice modulation is also needed, gradually she needs to get comfortable with being comfortable with her feminity. But this is one of better, or really really good cases I have seen.”
Raj ke chehre par thodi si shikan aa gayi, “12-18 months?”
“Koi problem? Things take time, kuch magic nahi hai. I would also recommend vaginoplasty at the end of it all, but we can talk about it another time.”
“Koi aur… faster way nahi hai?”
Doctor ek-do pal Raj ki taraf dekhne ke baad bola, “There is one thing… ek drug testing mein hai abhi, with really positive results. It can possibly cut this down to 3 months. Par abhi fully approved nahi hai… I cannot officially prescribe it.”
“Kitna test hua hai aur kya side effects dekhne ko mile hai ab tak?”
“Kafi extensively test ho gaya hai but you know FDA approval takes time. Side effects jyada kuch khaas nahi, bas initially thoda fatigue, headaches, body pain, nothing unmanageable. If you go down that route it will also solve other problems with hair and voice. It’s actually quite incredible, aur kaafi logo ka dhandha band karwa sakta hai. That’s why people are lobbying hard against it. I personally think its safe and better than doing 10 things.”
“Would we… Kanika… be able to get it here in India?”
“Haan… bas thoda expensive hai… but I think money is not a concern?”
Raj ne na mein sar hilaya, “Not an issue at all. It just needs to be safe for Kanika.”
“I will just need to see her on a more regular basis, once a month or so. Quick visits.”
Main ek mook darshak ki tarah unke beech ki is poori conversation ko sun rahi thi.
Raj ne aakhir mujhse poocha, “Kanika, tumhari kya thoughts hain?”
Maine kuch sochte hue kaha, “Agar safe hai aur results quick hai aur baaki sab bhi nahi karwana padega toh shayad better hai.”
“Much better. Like voice is the hardest thing and there is nothing right now besides voice training that helps it. But this will feel magical almost. You will start seeing results in 2-3 weeks. Oh haan, one thing I forgot to mention.”
Raj aur maine dono ne Doctor ki taraf dekha.
“So estrogen on its own already helps reduce the phallus size and activity, this combined with it also helps reduce scrotum size. Which is what we want ultimately, but… the one thing to note is…” doctor thoda hichkichate hue bola, “Do you still masturbate using your male anatomy?”
Raj ke saamne yeh sawaal ekdam personal aur ajeeb sa lag raha tha aur mere gaal sharam se laal ho gaye they. Samajh nahi aa raha tha kya bolu.
“If you are still using them, then it will take much longer and harder to pleasure and satisfy yourself as your penis will primary function as a urinating tool. So that may have an unintended consequence of you feeling…”
“It’s fine doctor… I am ok with that.” Maine himmat karke unhe beech mein rok diya, main Raj ki presence mein aur embarrass nahi hona chahti thi.
“Great then. Let me write things up and the nurse will give the medicines here. Woh obviously kahin aur nahi milengi. Baaki kuch items still prescription par hai, you can pick it up here or elsewhere.”
“Here is fine,” Raj ee kaha.
Doctor kagaz par kuch likhte hue khada hua aur usne jaane se pehle Raj se haath milaya aur mujhe ek halka sa bye wave kiya. Main itna lost feel kar rahi thi ki shayad maine uske bye ka jawaab bhi nahi fiya tha. Sab kuch ho jaane ke baad aisa lag raha tha jaise main koi clinic nahi science experiment ke liye laboratory aayi hoon.
Raj aur main medicines ka wait karte hue wahin baithe rahe aur thodi der baad ek nurse ne aakar hame saari medicines se run through karwaya. Un special pills ke elawa, additional HRT pills aur kuch creams aur lotion bhi they. Main sab kuch sun rahi thi par mere shareer ka rom rom us jagah se bahar bhaagna chahta tha.
Kuch der baad jab ham wapas Raj ki car tak pahuche toh main already kafi tired sa mehsoos kar rahi thi.
“You must be tired and hungry… chalo lets have lunch.”
Raj mujhe wahin paas ke ek achhe se restaurant mein le gaye jahan filhaan is post lunch timing mein jyada bheed nahi thi. Raj ne unhe hame ek quiet jagah par seat karne ke liye kaha aur server hame thoda andar ki side ek corner mein le gaya.
Main chup chaap baithi thi, Doctor ke clinic mein ghusne se ab tak mere aur Raj ke beech jyada baat nahi hui thi. Menu mere saamne tha par words blur kar rahe they. Aaj ek stranger ne mera poora body check kiya tha. Har inch. Aur maine hone diya tha. Main chahti thi na, yeh sab? Par ab kyun aisa lag raha tha jaise kuch galat ho gaya ho.
Raj ne waiter ko order dene ka ishara kiya, bina mujhse poocha. Usne exactly woh mangaya jo shayad mujhe pasand hota, agar mujhe bhook hoti.
Khana aaya. Main plate ko dekhti rahi.
"Tum khao na," Raj ne dheere se kaha. "Ya kuch aur order karna hai?"
"Haan..." Maine fork uthaya. Rakh diya. "Bas jyada bhook nahi hai."
Kuch pal chup chaap nikle. Raj bhi jyada nahi bol rahe they, jo... unusual tha unke liye. Woh hamesha conversation fill karte they. Aaj woh bas... wahan they. Quietly.
Phir unhone table ke upar se dheere se mere haath par apna haath rakh diya. Mujhe react karne ka bhi mauka nahi mila.
"Aaj jo hua..." Unhone meri aankhon mein dekhte hue kaha "Main jaanta hoon kafi overwhelming tha. Doctor ka andaaz thoda... clinical hai. Par woh best hain. Aur tumhare liye sirf best hi theek hai."
Unke haath ne mere poore haath ko dhaka hua tha. Kafi bada, bhaari aur garam tha unka haath. Mere chhote chhote haath bilkul chhup gaye they aur dheere dheere garam hona shuru ho gaye they. Mann kar raha tha main apne haath peeche kheech lu, par jaane kyun achha sa lag raha tha.
"Kuch bura toh nahi laga na tumhe aaj?" Unhone poocha. Unki awaaz soft thi.
"Nahi," maine jaldi se kaha. "Sab theek tha."
Woh kuch pal chup rahe. Main feel kar sakti thi ki woh mujhe dekh rahe they. Meri jhoothi smile ko, meri neechi nazrein ko. Shayad woh jaante they. Par unhone press nahi kiya.
"Theek hai," unhone bas itna sa kaha.
Kuch seconds baad unka haath dheere se mere haathon se hatt kar wapas apni taraf chala gaya. Maine bhi turant apne haath peeche kheech liye aur apni godi mein rakhte hue unhe apas mein kas ke pakad liya. Is zara se touch ne hi therapy jaisa kaam kiya.
Kuch pal ki chuppi ke baad realize hua ki mujhe sach mein bhook lag rahi thi. Maine fork uthaya. Ek bite liya. Phir doosra. Raj kuch nahi bole. Bas dheere dheere apna khana khatam karte rahe, mujhe apni pace par khane diya. Koi comment nahi, koi hurry nahi.
Restaurant se bahar nikle toh shaam ho chali thi.
Car mein baith kar jab hum mere ghar ki taraf chal rahe they, tab bhi wahi si chuppi thi. Par is baar thodi alag, comfortable si, exhausted si.
Car jaise hi mere ghar ke saamne ruki maine turant apni seat belt khol di.
"Okay, thank you..." maine bolne ko hue thi ki unhone mera naam lete hue mujhe rok diya.
"Kanika."
Maine ruk kar unki taraf dekha.
Raj ne apna haath mere chehere ki taraf badhaya. Bohot slowly. Jaise mujhe react karne ka time de rahe hon. Unki fingers dheere se mere gaal par aakar ruki aur wahan halke se sehlane lagi.
"Tum bahut brave ho," unhone whisper kiya. "Aaj tumne jo himmat dikhayi hai, yeh easy nahi tha. Main jaanta hoon. It's never been easy for you."
Toh unhone notice kiya tha. Sab kuch. Mere red eyes. Meri jhoothi smile. Change karke bahar aane mein jo zyada waqt laga tha. Mere gale mein kuch bhar aaya. Maine apni aankhein palkein jhapki nahi, control kiya khud ko, nahi toh main ro hi padti.
"Main do hafte mein wapas aa jaunga," unhone kaha, haath abhi bhi mere gaal par. "Doctor ki next appointment tab tak set ho jaayegi. Tab saath jayenge."
Unka thumb halke se mere honthon ke neeche fira. Ek slow, deliberate movement.
"Tab tak is naye treatment ko start karo. Aur..." ek pause, "agli baar ho sake toh apni ring pehen lena."
Maine unki aankhon mein dekhte hue dheere se haan mein nod kiya.
"Apna khayal rakhna."
"Aap bhi," maine turant barely whisper mein kaha.
Woh mujhe kuch pal aise hi dekhte rahe aur phir unka haath neeche aa gaya. Mujhe ab car ka door khol kar neeche utarna tha par mere haath hi nahi chal rahe they.
"Jao ab," unhone muskurate hue kaha. "Tumhari Mom wait kar rahi hogi."
Main jaldi se car se utri aur do kadam apni building ki taraf chali. Peeche mud kar dekha toh unki car abhi bhi wahin khadi thi. Mujhe peeche nahi mudna chahiye tha. Car ki window se woh abhi bhi mujhe dekh rahe they.
Main turant wapas mud gayi aur gaal par apna haath rakhe apne ghar ki taraf chal padi. Andar jaane se pehle maine ek pal ke liye rukkar apne bag mein haath daala. Thoda dhoondne par aakhir ring wahin bag mein mil gayi. Maine use nikaal kar apni ungli mein pehen liya.
Main kafi jyada tired feel kar rahi thi aur aaj shayad kafi dino baad ghar pahuchne ke liye thodi betaab thi. Ek kafi ajeeb sa din aakhir khatam ho gaya tha.
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