Adultery The Swamiji: The Ashram of the Sacred Angels

[shailu4ever]

Dear Shailu4ever

Please don't take this the wrong way. I don't mean any disrespect. If you don't like this feedback, feel free to ignore.

I have seen this happen with a lot of writers on this forum who use AI to generate stories. The intro/start of the story is great, it sounds very exciting, character intros are very interesting but then the story goes nowhere. This is because AI has no sense of plot or story or narrative. In order to write story with AI, you have to constantly modify and guide it towards a core story otherwise it will just keep going in 100 different directions.

This story has introduced so many characters that I'm frankly lost. You introduced Swami ji but then for the longest time he disappeared. If Swami Ji and Rhea are your main characters, by now you should have introduced them and there should have been some early sign of a conflict that would set the story.

Then there's a repetition of Savakis para from 1st page. You have given us so much build up and background of Swami ji and his network and ashram but what is the connection so far? This thread is 10 pages long already and still there is no conflict or narrative.

Again I don't mean any disrespect. Just wanted to share my feedback. If you do not agree, feel free to disregard. I don't meant to discourage you. I know it takes a lot of time and effort to come up with characters and plot and then write a story. But just that we have to have control over AI when writing the story as AI itself is totally hopeless in story building and narrative plot. It needs constant guidance from us to keep the narrative intact.

Hi Behka

 
Thank you for taking the time to read the story and for sharing such detailed feedback. I genuinely appreciate the thought and effort behind it, and I assure you I’ve taken it in the spirit it was intended.
 
I’d like to clarify one important point first, since it seems to be at the core of your concerns: I don’t use AI to generate my stories. That’s actually the reason this story is taking time to unfold. If I were using AI to write, I would probably have finished several stories by now.
 
I do use tools like ChatGPT and Google strictly for research purposes, technical or factual details, so I can portray certain elements accurately.
 
For example, in Abhi’s story, Meghana is a yoga instructor. To do justice to that role, I spent considerable time researching yoga poses, their execution, and their purpose, using both Google and ChatGPT. That research helps add authenticity and depth to scenes, but the narrative, characters, pacing, and plot are entirely my own. I write the story myself because I want to feel ownership over it, which is also why there’s a personal touch to each story.
 
Regarding the structure and pacing: I understand your concern about the number of characters and the delayed emergence of a clear conflict. This is a deliberate narrative choice. As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I tend to name characters the main cast interacts with more than once, simply because repeatedly calling someone “the person” breaks immersion for me as a writer.
 
Not every named character is meant to be immediately important, and readers don’t need to remember all of them, only the core ones. The rest will naturally fade in or out as the story demands.
 
As for Swami ji and Rhea, they are indeed central, and their apparent absence or delayed prominence is intentional. The groundwork being laid, the ashram, the network, the background threads, will converge. Rhea will come back into the scene in next chapter and Swamiji introduction will happen in that chapter as well. As I mentioned in the earlier chapters, this is a long novel, not a short story.  I’m aiming for a slow-burn narrative where the conflict emerges organically rather than being forced early on. I understand that this approach isn’t for everyone, and that’s completely fair.
 
That said, your feedback about clarity, repetition, and reader orientation is valid, and I’ll definitely keep it in mind as I continue refining the story. Constructive criticism like this helps me see how the pacing and structure are landing with readers.
 
Thank you again for reading, engaging, and sharing your thoughts. Even when we don’t fully agree, conversations like this are valuable and appreciated.

Once again, thank you very much for detailed feedback and this really help me make this story better.
 
With warm regards,
 
-- Shailu