[Deepak_bull]

CHAPTER 10


Kya meri mom pehle hi paap mein gir chuki hai?
Kya woh apni bigdi hui maa ke raaste par chal rahi hai?



Us raat ghar pahuncha, saansen ab bhi tezi se chal rahi thi us paagal daud se. Dimagh toofaan tha, Suraj 
ke alaahda bungalow ka hairat angez manzar baar baar dohra raha tha: Daadi us khule andaaz mein, Suraj
 ka nanga jism, unka niji chumban, tray par mana pork. 

Ghar ki roshniyan dheemi thi, sirf kitchen aur baithak se halki chamak bahar nikal rahi, ishaara ki koi ab 
bhi jaag raha. Maine darwaze par jootey utaare, saans sambhalne ki koshish, baazuon par shaakhon ki
 chhoti kharochhein shirt ke kinaare se ponchhte hue. 

Hallway mein kadam rakha to Ammi kitchen se nikli, chehre par rahat aur maa wali halki fikr ka mila jula 
andaaz. Woh aaraamdeh nightdress mein thi, upar garmahat ke liye dheela robe bandha, baal dheele 
peeche bandhe, haath mein dish towel ab bhi pakda jo der raat ki safai se bacha tha. 

"Beta, aakhir aa gaya," unhone kaha, sur dheema lekin woh roz ki fikr bhara jab main umeed se zyada der
 bahar rehta. Paas aayi, dheemi roshni mein ghour se dekha. "Itni raat ko kahaan tha? Socha tha Daadi ko
 unki sair se laane ya Jabir se milne gaya tha. Sab theek? Chehra laal lag raha hai." 

Nana Qadir baithak mein the, main andar aaya to kitab thodi neeche kar ke utsauk lekin be-fikr andaaz se 
dekha. "Haan, beta—Daadi mili? Unhone kaha tha kisi dost se milne ja rahi, lekin kaafi der ho gayi." 

Jawaab dene se pehle Nana ka phone side table par baja, woh khushgawar ringtone jo Daadi ne visit mein 
set ki thi khamoshi kaat ti hui. Unhone uthaya, screen dekh kar pyar bhari chhoti hansi. "Ah, farishta ki baat
—Zainab ka hi." 

Speaker par kiya aadat se taaki sab sun lein, sur garam aur tasalli bakhsh. "Zainab? Salam—tumhari taraf sab
 theek?" 

Daadi ki awaaz saaf aayi, halki aur aam, peeche halki sarsarahat jaise pedon mein hawa ya pankha. "Wa salam
, Qadir—haan, yahan sab achha. Fikr mat karo. Main dost ke ghar hoon; baatein shuru hui aur waqt ka pata
 hi nahi chala. Purane dinon ki yaadein—jaante ho na. Raat yahin guzaar loongi aur subah taaza aa jaungi. 
Shahida aur bete ko kehna jaagne mat rahein." 

Nana ne sar hilaya bhale dekh nahi sakti, sur aaraam se. "Theek hai, agar aaraam hai. Kaun si dost phir? 
Savdhaan rehna—rickshaw ya kuchh chahiye to call karna." 

"Oh, purani jaan pehchaan saalon pehle ki—haal mein phir mili," unhone aasani se kaha. "Main theek hoon, 
sach. Goodnight—sab ko mera pyar dena." 

Call khatam, Nana khush. Abbu kitchen se der raat paani ka glass le kar aaye, aakhri baat sun li. 

"Haan, Daadi ko aaj kal sairen pasand aa gayi. Sab se milna julna—shayad recipes ya gaon ki gossip nayi aurat
 doston se." Nana Qadir ne kaha. 

Ammi garam muskurayi. "Sach mein meetha hai. Ammi hamesha logon se judti thi. Aur kitchen mein madad—
khaane mein woh extra lazza." 

Abbu ne sar hilaya. "Sahi. Fikr mat karo—safe aur khush hain. More power to unhe." 

Hum sab halki hansi, mahaul aasaan aur mazaaqiya, Daadi ki nayi energy aur social andaaz par kuchh aur
 baatein. "Agli baat, subah ki sair ke liye poora group bana lengi," Nana ne mazaaq kiya. "Mujhse aage nikal
 jaayengi!" 

Andar se main hansne ka naatak kiya, hansi thodi majboor, banter mein shamil hone ke liye taaki shak na ho.
 "Haan, woh rukti nahi," maine kaha, awaaz mein zabardasti josh daal kar. Lekin andar sach khaane laga 
jaise kaanta—mujhe pata tha asal mein kya ho raha, woh "dost" bilkul aurat nahi, woh harami Suraj jo Daadi
 ko bigaad raha tha. 

Agli subah ghar ke roz ke lehje mein guzri. Abbu stall ke liye jaldi nikle, darwaze par Ammi ko goodbye 
chuma dete hue roz ki aadat se. 

Mujhe pata tha Daadi ab bhi Suraj ke ghar thi—kal raat call mein "dost" ka ghar. Yeh jaan kari pet mein
 pathar sa baitha, lekin jaana nahi chahta, aur us mana duniya ke nazare se dimagh aur bigadne ka khatra
 nahi lena. 

Ammi baithak mein akeli thi, bade diwan par pet ke bal leti hui, thodi takiye ke neeche chin tika aaraam 
se, pair ghutnon se mud kar hawa mein hil rahe. Gehri soch mein thi aur bhaun chadhi hui. 






Saamne magazine khuli padi thi, lekin aankhen usse aage dekhti, be-fokus, jaise kahin door khoi hui. Phir 
khadi hui aur aaine ke paas gayi khud ko dekhne, jo suna us se hairaan reh gaya. 

Ammi: [apne aks se, saans se thodi upar] Shahida… khud ko dekho. Kya kar rahi ho? Kya ban rahi ho? 

[Dheere side par mud kar, aankhen jism par—pehle kamar ke curve par, phir upar poore seene par, phir 
peeche kamar aur gaand ke gol swell par kurte ke neeche ubhre hue.] 

Ammi: [dheere, vishwaas nahi jaise] Gajendra… restaurant ke bahar woh shabd kahe the… “bada seena, 
poori kamar… bhari cheezein jo chalna thaka deti…” Ya ,.', abhi kyun uski awaaz itni saaf sun rahi hoon? 

[Ek haath dheere kamar par rakha, ungliyan andar ki gehraai par, phir bahar kamar ke phailao par.] 

Ammi: [dheere] Woh khada ghoor raha tha, mere jism par itni be-sharmi se baat... aur maine roka, lekin
 uske shabd ab bhi yahan. Dimagh mein atke hue. 

[Puri tarah aaine ki taraf mud kar, nazar seene par, saanson se upar neeche hote dekh.] 

Ammi: [awaaz kaamp ti] Yeh pehle kabhi nahi hua. Kabhi nahi. Itne saal shaadi, beta paala, pardah kiya
… kisi mard ne aise baat nahi ki. Kisi ne aise nahi dekha jaise Gajendra dekhta tha—jaise kha jaayega. 

[Haath be-khudi upar, seene ke neeche brush, phir tezi se hata jaise jal gaya.] 






Ammi: [hil kar] Aur pehle… baithak mein… jab woh peeche khada, haath baazuon par, muh gardan par
… mehsoos kiya uska haath yahan... [haath naaf ke neeche rakha, dheere gol ghumate yaad kar] …aur
 maine turant nahi hataya. Kuchh seconds hone diya. 

[Gaalon par laali, pet mein garmahat phailti mehsoos.] 

Ammi: [aaine mein aankhen badi] Ek baat mein sahi tha… main curvy hoon. Jitna kabhi maana nahi. 
Dekho yeh kamar… yeh seena… yeh gaand. Poori, bhari, jaise usne kaha. Ab dekh rahi hoon. Samajh rahi 
kyun uski nazrein nahi hat rahi thi. 

[Garmahat badhi; saansen gehri. Jaanghein thodi dabayi, rokne ki koshish.] 

Ammi: [awaaz tezi se, khud ko daant te] Nahi. Ruko. Main izzatdaar aurat hoon. Biwi. Maa. Gajendra 
ganda, khatarnak aadmi jo yeh soch daal raha, main use bigadne nahi doongi. Woh aag jo baat karta tha
… gunah hai. Gajendra ki dheeri awaaz dimagh mein. 

[Baazuon se khud ko mazbooti se lapeta, jaise sab andar rakhe.] 

Ammi: [aks se minnat karte] Kisi ne sirf shabdon aur nazron se aisa mehsoos nahi karaya jaise Gajendra 
ne. Kisi ne jism aisa react nahi karaya. Kyun woh? Kyun ab? 

[Aaine se tez mud kar, dupatta kandhon par mazbooti se lapeta, lekin ruk kar aakhri baar peeche dekha.] 

Ammi: [dheemi, tooti si] Gajendra… dimagh se nikal jao. Please. 

Maine dheere paas aaya, tile par kadam dheeme, fikr kheench rahi thi. "Ammi? Theek ho? Kahin door khoi
 lag rahi thi." 

Woh thodi chaunk kar palak jhapkai, jaise dimagh se waapas kheench li gayi, phir tezi se tasalli bakhsh 
muskurahat ke saath baith gayi jo aankhon ki doori ko poori mita nahi saki. Dress theek ki, be-khudi 
baal kaan ke peeche daale. 

"Oh, beta—main theek, sach," unhone kaha, sur halka lekin woh chalaak taal jo kuchh chhupane mein
 istemal karti. "Bas agle hafte ki soch—groceries, safai, teri padhaai. Maa ka dimagh kabhi aaraam nahi 
karta, jaante ho. Aur Ammi kal raat bahar... soch rahi unki mulaqaat kaise rahi." 

"Pakka?" maine dheere zid ki, diwan ke kinaare baith kar. "Gehri soch mein lag rahi thi—jaise kuchh
 pareshan kar raha." 






Unhone halki hansi ke saath taal diya, khadi hokar cushion theek karte hue. "Kuchh serious nahi, waada. 
Bas roz ki chhoti fikrein. Ja, Jabir ke saath ya jo plan hai enjoy kar." 

"Theek hai," maine kaha, bhale poori tarah yaqeen nahi, khada hokar jaate hue. "Jabir se milne ja raha
 hoon—lunch ke liye waapas." 

"Savdhaan rehna," unhone pukara jab main bahar nikla, awaaz garam lekin woh andar ki be-chaini saath. 

Main taazi subah mein bahar nikla, lane par chalte hue Gajendra ko dekha—pehli baar saamne se, chhup kar 
dekhe waqiyaat ke ilawa. Woh apne ghar se nikal raha tha, neeli shirt aur trouser mein saaf suthra. 

Usne mujhe dekha aur dostana muskurahat ke saath paas aaya, haath badhaaya. "Hello—tum Shahida ke
 bete hoge. Aas paas dekha hai. Main Gajendra, naya padosi." 

Main ek pal jhijhka, uski ghoorne waali yaadein chamki, lekin shistagi se haath milaya. "Haan... hello. Mil 
kar achha laga." 

Usne sar hilaya, pakad mazboot. "Achha ilaqa—shaant, dostana log. Tumhara pariwar meherbaan; tumhari 
ammi khaas kar us din paani ke maamle mein welcoming thi." 

"Shukriya," maine neutral rakha. 

"Aakhir baat kar ke achha laga," woh baat cheet mein jaari. "college kaisa? Chhuttiyan ab bhi enjoy kar rahe?" 

"Theek hai," maine kaha. "Padhaai aur dost." 

Woh muskuraya. "Achha achha. Jawaan ladka—energy se bhara. Waise, tumhari ammi Shahida ghar par hain? 
Phir shukriya kehna tha padosi madad ka." 

Main jhijhka, shak chubha. "Haan... ghar par hain." 

"Perfect," woh aasani se. "Phir milte hain." 

Main chala gaya, Jabir ki taraf jaane ka naatak, lekin circle kar ke deewar ke peeche chhup gaya, utsaukta 
se dekhne. Gajendra ne hamare darwaze par confident khatkhataaya. Jab Ammi ne khola, hairaan, woh
 khud andar ghus gaya bina poori dawat ke, paas se guzarte "Andar aa jaaoon ek minute? Bas chhoti si baat." 

Gajendra: [muskurate] Assalamu alaikum, Shahida ji. Guzarte hue socha pasandida padosi ka haal poochh
 loon. 

Ammi: [darwaze mein mazbooti se khadi] Wa alaikum assalam. Gajendra ji, kya chahte ho? 

Gajendra: [dheere cigarette kheench kar, bina intezaar andar kadam] Kuchh bada nahi. Bas restaurant ke 
bahar hamari chhoti baat ke baad haal dekhna tha. 

Ammi: [tez darwaza band, mud kar tez] Aise andar nahi ghus sakte! Maine dawat nahi di. 

Gajendra: [kandhe uchaal kar, aasaan] Darwaza khula tha, tum wahin thi. Welcome mehsoos hua. Achha
 ghar—sab tarteeb se, taaza khushboo. Tum sach mein khayal rakhti ho. 

Ammi: [baazu jod kar, awaaz thodi upar] Yeh mere shauhar ka bhi ghar hai. Ab jaaiye. 






Gajendra: [sofe ki taraf chal kar, peeth par haath ferte] Narm sofa. Deewaron par garam rang. Pardey bhi 
match. Tum par suit karta—sab shaant aur sundar. Shaam mein yahan baithti hogi akeli, kisi ke intezaar
 mein company ki. 

Ammi: [aur khafa] Ruk jao. Main kisi ke intezaar mein nahi baithti. 

Gajendra: [muskurahat] Haan haan. Lekin tum jaise aurat—din bhar khaana, safai, itni achhi dikhti—thodi t
awajjoh deserve karti. Tumhara shauhar khushnaseeb. Zyada kehta hai kitni stunning lagti ho kurte mein? 

Ammi: [thodi laali, lekin jhatka] Yeh tumhara maamla nahi. Aur mere shauhar ki baat mat karo. 

Gajendra: [paas kadam] Theek. Lekin kisi ko to kehna padta. Teri woh aankhen… gehri, kaali. Mard kho
 jaaye. Aur woh muskurahat jo chhupati ho? Khatarnak. 

Ammi: [nazar hata kar] Main muskura nahi rahi. Aur yeh taarifein nahi chahiye. 

Gajendra: [dheemi qahqaha] Kehti ho, lekin saansen tezi se, gaal gulabi. Pehle soch rahi thi mujh par? 
Sadak par jo kaha us par? 

Ammi: [mazboot] Nahi. Koshish kar rahi thi tumhe na sochoon. Aur tumhe phir nahi dekhna chahti, 
Gajendra ji. Kabhi. 

Gajendra: [bhaun utha] Kabhi nahi? Tez shabd. Lekin jism kuchh aur keh raha abhi. 

Ammi: [tez sur] Ek pal bhi mat socho ki mujhe tum pasand ho ya yeh sab. Nahi. Tum badtameez, sunte
 nahi, har hadd cross karte. Main shaadi-shuda—shauhar se mohabbat. Jo bhi meri aankhon ya saanson
 mein dekh rahe, woh tumhare liye nahi. 

Gajendra: [aur muskurata] Khud ko yeh bataati raho. Mujhe pata hai tum jaise auraton ka. Din bhar 
perfect, dhaki, farz ada... lekin kabhi andar chhoti aag sulagti. Shaant, lekin garam. Abhi dekh raha
 hoon. 







Ammi: Koi aag nahi. Sapne mat dekho. 

Gajendra: [dheere peeche mud kar] Theek theek. Lekin yaar, peeche se yeh nazara… patli kamar se
 phailti poori kamar. Perfect shape. Aur seena itni tezi se—notice karna mushkil nahi. 

Ammi: [saansen saaf tez] Gajendra ji… ruk jao. 

Gajendra: [baazuon par dheere haath rakha] Mehsoos karo saansen kitni tezi? Garam, tezi... yeh jism
 ki baat hai. Mujhe bilkul pata hai matlab. 

Ammi: Please… 

Gajendra: [paas jhuk kar, gardan ke paas saans] Khushboo kitni achhi. Jasmine aur woh narmi—sirf tum. 

[Woh gardan ke side par dheera chuma diya.] 

Ammi: [chhoti si hilkar, dheemi siski, thodi der wahin rahi, saansen tezi se] 






Gajendra: [ek haath aage saraka kar, naaf ke neeche rakha, dheere gol ghumaya] Yahan… woh chhoti
 kaanp. Pet sakht hai na? Yeh sach jaag raha. 

Ammi: [awaaz kaamp ti] Main… nahi kar sakti… 

Gajendra: [dheere] Ladna nahi padta. 

Ammi: [achanak aage kadam, mud kar saamne—ankhen gusse mein lekin poori naraz nahi, chehra laal] 
Bas karo! Abhi mere ghar se nikal jaao. Aur kabhi waapas mat aana. 






Gajendra: [smirk, haath upar] Theek theek. Gusse mein aur sundar lagti ho. 

[Darbaze par zor ki khatkhatahat. Dono jam gaye. Ammi ki aankhen badi.] 

Andar dheemi awaazein. Phir khatkhatahat—Abbu, unexpectedly jaldi ghar. Ammi hairaan, chehra safed:
 ghar mein dusra aadmi, akeli, Abbu ke bina—bara gunah, mana, agar dekha gaya to badnaami. Deen 
aur pardah chillaa rahe the khatra; ghair mahram andar galat har level par. 

[Dusri khatkhatahat, zor se.] 

Ammi: [aankhen dheere badi, saans atak] Oh… oh nahi… 

[Teesri, zid se. Asli ghabrahat aayi.] 

Ammi: [tez dheere, mud kar] Gajendra ji—chhupo! Abhi! 

Gajendra: [poori shaant, smirk] Relax, sundar. Kaun? 

Ammi: [kaamp ti awaaz, seene par dhakka] Nahi pata—shayad shauhar! Chhupo! 

Gajendra: [mazaakiya] Kahaan? 

Ammi: [hallway ki taraf ishaara] Laundry room—wahaan! Woh darwaza! Jao! 

Gajendra: [aur muskurate peeche hat te] Laundry room? Tumhare kapdon se ghira... achha choice, 
Shahida ji. Bahut niji. 

Ammi: [hiss kar] Ruko yeh! Jao! Meri shaadi barbaad nahi chahti tumhari wajah se—please! 

Gajendra: [dheemi hansi, darwaze ki taraf] Theek theek. Tumhare liye chhup raha... is baar. 


[Woh tezi se chhote laundry room mein ghus kar darwaza lagbhag band kiya, chhota sa gap chhoda.] 






[Ammi darwaze ki taraf daudi, haathon se hawa hilaa kar cigarette ki halki dhuyen taalne ki koshish.
 Kurta theek ki, kaamp ti saans, laundry room ki taraf bechain nazar, phir darwaza khola.] 

[Abbu living room mein aaye. Ammi ne peeche tez band kiya.] 

Abbu: [thake muskurate] Assalamu alaikum, Shahida. Aaj thoda jaldi aa gaya—bazaar shaant tha. 

Ammi: [awaaz thodi zyada khush, zabardasti muskurahat] Wa alaikum assalam! Jaldi? Achha! Aao aao. 

Abbu: [aage kadam, maathe par halka chuma] Theek ho? Thodi garam lag rahi. 

Ammi: [ghabraayi hansi] Haan haan—kapde fold aur safai kar rahi thi. Kaam se garmi lag jaati. 

[Abbu sofa par gaye, thake baith kar saans bhari, collar dheela. Theek baith kar gehri saans li, naka 
chadhaayi.] 

Abbu: [thodi bhaun] Hmm… ajeeb. Ghar mein cigarette jaisi khushboo. Koi aaya tha? 

Ammi: [shaant, haath hila kar] Woh bachi khushboo? Padosi ka ladka aur dost bahar ghoom rahe the—
khidki ke paas smoke. Hawa sidha andar aayi. Sab khidkiyan khol di thi, lekin jaante ho kabhi chipak jaati. 

Abbu: [dheere sar hilate, aankhen malte] Aaj kal ke bachche… tameez nahi. Theek, andar nahi thi to. 

Ammi: [bagal mein baith kar, fikr se] Kabhi nahi. Tum bahut thake lag rahe. Dukaann par sakht din? 

Abbu: [karwi hansi] Sakht se zyada. Landlord subah aaya. Poori line khali kar raha—koi badi company ne
 poora block lease kiya. Sirf ek mahina diya pack karne ko. 

Ammi: [aankhen badi] Ek mahina? Mumkin nahi! Aisa nahi kar sakta. 






Abbu: [karwi hansi] Kar sakta, aur kar raha. Zyada waqt maanga, lekin nahi maana. Business hai kehta. 

Ammi: [baazu par dheere haath rakha, sehlaate] Hey… idhar aao, sar tikaao. [Paas kheench kar kandhe
 par sar, baal sehlaate] Akela mat uthao. Rasta nikal aayega. 

Abbu: [aankhen band, thaki awaaz] Kahaan, Shahida? Naye jagah deposit maangte. Rent do guna. Hamari 
savings khatam—do mahine ke bill, nayi dukaan nahi. 

Ammi: [baazu sehlaati tasalli se] Shh… ek ek kadam. Pehle landlord se saath baat karenge. Shayad main 
saath jaaoon to maane. Kam se kam teen mahine. 

Abbu: [saans] Sakht aadmi. Lekin... shayad. 

Ammi: Aur kal cousin ko call—bazaar ke aadhe maalikon ko jaanta. Koi chhoti khali dukaan milegi. Ya
 thodi der share. 

Abbu: [ruk kar] Share se income ghategi... lekin kuchh nahi se behtar. 

Ammi: [maathe par dheere chuma] Bilkul. Aur budget aur tight—extra band, sada khaane, bazaar kam.
 Pehle sakht waqt guzare, hamesha mazboot nikle. 

Abbu: [dheere] Tum meri se zyada achhi. Yeh fikr deserve nahi karti. 

Ammi: [garam muskurahat] Bakwaas. Hum team. Yaad hai do saal pehle dukaan mein paani? Soche
 khatam. Saath theek kiya. 

Abbu: [chhoti muskurahat] Sach... ,.' meherbaan tha. 

[Laundry room se chhoti si thud—aise jaise plastic bottle ya dabba washing machine se giri.] 

Abbu: [tez sar utha kar hallway ki taraf] Yeh awaaz kya thi? 

Ammi: [natural muskurahat, kandhe par thapki distract karne] Oh woh? Bada detergent bottle upar
 rakha tha kapde sort karte. Aakhir gir gaya. Yeh purani machine band bhi vibrate karti—jaante ho. 

Abbu: [ek second sun kar, bhaun] Thodi bhari lagi. Pakka kuchh aur nahi gira? 

Ammi: [dheemi hansi, dheere waapas kheench] Pakka. Be-dhyani se stack kiya tha. Baad mein theek kar
 loongi. Aao, waapas let jao—zyada tense ho. 

Abbu: [dheere aaraam] Shayad sahi... aaj jumpy hoon. 

Ammi: [baal sehlaati, dheemi awaaz] Koi bhi hota. Lekin theek ho jaayega. Kal plan—har jagah likhenge,
 har insaan se poochhenge. Raat istikhara. ,.' darwaza kholega. 

Abbu: [aankhen band, dheemi] Tum hamesha mumkin bana deti... 

Ammi: [maathe par phir chuma] Kyunki hai. Tum par bharosa. Hum par. Ab aaraam. Chai banaati hoon. 

Abbu: [dheere] Shukriya, Shahida… tum bina pata nahi kya karta. 

Ammi: [muskurate, baal sehlaati] Kabhi pata nahi karna padega. 

[Laundry room se poori khamoshi. Ammi darwaze ki taraf pal bhar dekhi, chehra mustaqil, phir poori 
narmi Abbu ko tasalli mein.] 

Main ghar ke ek hisse mein, ab bhi bahar, utsaukta kheench rahi laundry room check karne. Kursi par 
chadh kar oonchi khidki se jhaanka, hairaan reh gaya: Gajendra Ammi ke dhule nahi panties aur kapdon
 ke beech khada, sukhaane latke, basin tarteeb se. 

Woh idhar udhar muskurate dekha, phir panties se bhare basin par—type se sort, unki tarteeb. Ek safed 
uthaayi, narm kapde ko ungliyon mein mehsoos, phir naka ke paas le kar gehri soongh, aankhen band
 khushi se. Hairaan dekh ta raha woh gehra soonghta, maza leta. 





Rakhi, gulabi uthaayi, woh bhi 
soonghi. Khud se: "Choot waala hissa namkeen, tangy—jaise din bhar ki uski khushboo. Gaand waala 
stinky, jaise din bhar faghi, erotic—woh badi gaand chalti, lachakti." 

Woh Ammi aur Abbu sun raha—Abbu shikayat dukaan nikaalne ki. Gajendra andheri muskurahat, phone
 nikaal kar chupke call. "Jo kaha tha kar liya?" Suna, nahi pata kis se—shayad stall ka maamla usi ne
 karwaya leverage ke liye?