08-11-2025, 10:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-11-2025, 10:04 PM by Demeter. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
Meena’s Narration:
Meena remained sitting at the table and staring down into her cup of coffee.
Her life, her perfect life, had rapidly fallen apart and it was all her own doing.
And being with Jalal, after seeing his photo, she indulged in tantalizing fantasies of him and her together.
Particularly of them having sex. And the things she knew from her experiences and memories, especially with her uncle, about men like Jalal, of how their unusual genitals, intensified intercourse and erotism for the woman, just made her fantasies even more tantalizing.
Yes, she admitted to herself at this moment that she got to the point where almost every one of last nights, before she fell asleep she laid in bed and imagined her and Jalal having sex.
But in her fantasies Nadir was always there, at least as an observer if not as her sexually active second partner.
She never thought or planned to meet Jalal alone and have sex, not even in her fantasies.
In Meena's state-of-mind she was not cheating. She was not betraying Nadir.
Rather, she was on the hunt and looking for a sex partner for Nadir's erotic games and she would have received what her performances were worth and would have earned her fair and legitimate price.
The old Jalal Noori with his excellent properties was the trophy specimen of the male species which she was hunting for their games.
These days and what she had done, were limited adventures to seduce Jalal for later, for her and Nadir’s erotic games.
Strangely enough, she almost thought that Nadir was right.
She let her hormones and erotic desires come into play in those few moments.
That was her big mistake.
And she knew it was doable to seduce him. But she went too far.
Her intuition sensed Jalal was interested in her and she believed he would take her as far as possible if he was given an opportunity.
All she had to do was give him the opportunity, and she gave him that!
Meena was confident Jalal would go along with this opportunity because several times he gave the signal.
And she signalled to Jalal that this was his opportunity that Nadir is abroad.
She looked and dressed as stunning and alluring and sexy as possible.
Nadir was right, this all was for Jalal.
From this point of view and today and in this moment, it seemed if her behaviour would send a clear signal to him that she was available for the taking.
It seemed so that, if he picked up and accepted her signals, then they would go through this sexual trip and adventure.
Of course Jalal picked up her signal the first day while dancing, or before, as they left for dance floor, even earlier, when she sat down in his car and he saw what she was offering him, well, of course, he wanted it.
He wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity.
She didn't plan it that way, it's all got out of hand because the atmosphere was so prepared and pleasing.
Perhaps Nadir exaggerated in his suspicions and accusations of her betrayal and deception.
But basically, he was right, she was thinking, it was not just his jealousy of Jalal and a lusciously sensual.
She had lied to him and not told the truth.
He was very angry now.
What would he decide now? she thought.
She couldn't imagine life without him.
Ever since she left her childhood, since she stopped playing with dolls, she has known him and he has been a part of her life, or rather a part of herself.
It was with him that she first really got to know life and the world and for her, as a little girl and then later as a shy teenager, he was always a good-looking, polite and reliable boy next door that she always wanted to get to know better and always dreamed of him as a friend and life partner.
Even all of her friends and family noticed that.
They met for the first time when she was just nine and he was fourteen.
They were in love with each other after four or five years.
For both of them, life had only in the presence of the other one, a meaning.
But they had sex and physical contact later, when she was seventeen and he was twenty-two years old. He was her first and she was his first.
She gave him her virginity and he brought her to her first orgasm.
So now according to Nadir there would be no forgiveness, there would be no getting beyond it.
Unless he gains certainty, that he has no doubt that Meena had no other reason to be with Jalal but to push forward his, Nadir’s started erotic game plans about Jalal!
That he realizes what the real reason for the matter was and how it all started, that he understands that it is not only her responsibility and fault…
Nadir's Narration:
I got up, first I had to drink a glass of water. Then I went up to the bedroom.
I opened Meena's wardrobe door. I looked for the samll gift from Jalal. I took it and then I bent down and looked under her side of the bed. They were still there.
Her black skirt had lots of typical sperm stains on it and her dirty white blouse with cum marks on it, especially on the bottom.
Both looked weird and it wasn't typical of Meena that she didn't wash things like that straight away.
I took both and went back to the ground floor.
She was still sitting there, lost in thought, with moist and slightly red eyes.
I put the three objects on the table in front of her and sat down again where I was before.
She started to cry quietly and after a short minute she was really howling.
"Look Meena, My point is not that you start a long term affair or relationship with him or anyone, that it happens more than once or lasts. It is not even about how it all is and what kind, kissing, groping, fingering, or real sex and intercourse, as you say penetration."
"Even if you claim that you have not entered into a nonsexual, I mean, emotional relationship with him, and that you have not fallen in love with him or love him, I do not consider that to be hundert percent honest and do not consider it to be completely credible,and for whatever reason you enter into a relationship with him, alcohol effect, your hormones, your animal instincts, that he is better, prettier, has a bigger cock, can love better, is richer, fulfills your wishes in every respect sexually or materially. All of this can happen."
"We've done a few times some sexual games, together, as you say, at my request and my plan, I mean the games that we started with other men. I saw and look at you having sex with them, in my presence, with my consent, let's say my initiative. I enjoyed it. You enjoyed it too, may be more, as a woman."
"All of this is not primarily a problem for me and my point. The problem starts when you hide something. That you hide it from me, as your only man and love, as you claim. You hid that another man, with your consent and even your encouragement, kissed you, touched you, fondled you, kissed your breasts, worked on and rubbed your pussy, squirted for you and gave you his seeds and brought you to orgasm.
That's the point. It may be that you even long for him. We are human and we have feelings, emotions, hormones and instincts. It can happen that you desire someone, their body, their behavior, what they are like...
"The third person, here me, has to deal with it or leave you and go away. That is his right, but you have to be honest with him and give him the opportunity. The opportunity to choose. This is the least that you not only can do but must do...
But now, these days and here you didn't do it, there is no excuse for that. You have been silent, hiding and waiting. Even though you could have told me last night, you didn't say a word to me until I discovered, I presented the evidence, I opened everything up, until you could no longer deny it. That is my problem...
Then where we currently stand in the matterit is legitimate to call what you did, betrayal, fraud, cheating, infidelity and every designation along those meanings...
I repeat this Meena, you didn't belong to me at those moments, hours and days. And I'm not sure if you belong to me and only me at this moment.
I can't take it anymore, Meena, I can't stand it how it is..."
I had to get up and leave that room.
I couldn't do it anymore. I needed time and rest. My thoughts needed to calm down. I was in my study. I turned on the music in my computer.
She was and is my Muse and Muse for others, too.-
After that I packed a small suitcase in the bedroom, took only the things that I absolutely needed for a short stay, and went downstairs. I called the chief surgeon in medical college and told him I need a few days off, I have to sort out something private. He immediately accepted it and wished me all the best I got my suitcase and went dowmstairs...
Meena was still sitting in the kitchen, looked up at me with wet eyes and I could clearly see that she was sinking in her seat. Her face turned pale and she couldn't say a word, I had the feeling, she just looked alternately at me and my suitcase and shook her head.
“I can't Meena, I'm sorry, I have to go. Please don't ask where or what... I'll get in touch and you take good care of yourself... I don't know if this is the end for us or a new beginning... I'm afraid you can't help me. I have to let myself and nature heal my wounds... Maybe time will help with that...“
Nadir’s Narration:
After about 3 hours driving I was in the heavenly beach that I had seen in the magazine, previous night together with Meena.
I got a hotel room and went to the bar and ordered my favorite alcoholic drink...
***
The next day was Sunday, the hotel beach and even the nearby beaches were very crowded.
I got in the car and drove a few kilometres away.
There, I was able to walk along the beach for hours in peace, no one was there, just the sea, sand and me, until I was tired and hungry.
It was afternoon when I got back to the hotel. Then I ate and sat at the bar until the evening. It was just after 8 o'clock in the evening that I noticed two pretty green eyes watching me.
The eyes belonged to a well-dressed woman of my age or a little younger. When our eyes met, she smiled and tilted her head briefly. I smiled back and greeted her with a "Hi, "I immediately noticed that my voice was not audible.
She had short, light brown hair and a rather slim figure.
"Sad eyes," Normally I don’t speak with strangers, my mother forbade me," and laughed.
Then, "but your eyes are speaking a sad story,"
"My eyes are just tired, sorry," I responded, not interested.
"You must not open your heart, but this helps you open your mind," she said and showed my glass to the bartender and told him another one.
I thanked for drink and said, "Thank you, normally the man should invite and give a lady, I mean the drink."
"We live in a neutral world, cheers, people say." and raised her red wine glass.
I said cheers and took a sip of my new drink glass, then looked in her beautiful green eyes and said, "your eyes don't look so happy either,"
"Tired!", she answered and giggled, "Now, you are trying me to open my heart!" She continued and smiled.
"I am for the last one week here, I didn’t see you last days,” she said.
"I only arrived yesterday."
"Alone?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm traveling solo, I am in a healing journey, I hope at least,"I smiled.
"Now I can guess what is wrong with your eyes, you are mentally ill!"
"Yes, incurable!" I laughed.
“This is a good place for that, I was healed here some time ago,"she said calmly.
"Done with the trip"I show her the suitcase next to it.
"Yes, unfortunately I have to say goodbye to the sea," she smiled sadly and continued," and to you too, it's getting late. I have to get going,“ and she stood up, when I looked at her, I estimated that she was about 170 cm tall, with quite small breasts and a slim body. She was wearing jeans with sports sandals, with short 2-3 cm heels.
She reached for her suitcase but then asked me, "Are you staying here? I want to go to the shore for a bit I need about an hour to say goodbye if you stay here, I can leave my suitcases here or I'll take them to the car."
The hotel parking lot was set back a little in the other direction from the beach.
"Do you mind if I accompany you to the beach? I can help you take your suitcase to the car now," I asked and added, "I need to get my healing dose from the sea again."
"It would be nice if you would accompany me, let's go," she replied.
I got her suitcase, and we left the hotel with the suitcase and walked towards the parking lot.
She asked my name, and I answered.
"Nadir means rare, a rare creature, is your kind rare breed?" she said and laughed.
"I don't know, but I think so... at least I don't belong to this time,"I said and laughed.
"And why do you think that you don't belong to this time? At least you belong to this world, I'm not either, I'm not even from this world..." and laughed again.
Now we've arrived at the sea shore.
It was very beautiful.
Half past eight in the evening and it was still light.
The beach was almost empty.
A couple, with a dog, were strolling along the water, seagulls were still screeching in competition with each other.
I looked at a sandcastle that the waves took over at night.
I thought to me, there is a similarity the life of me and this sandcastle.
My companion interrupted my train of thought.
"I am Mitra, not a god but a goddess of contracts and friendship and the guardian of cosmic order … but unfortunately I have not managed to bring orderinto my own life, even," and laughed.
I looked at her, ’She is so pretty, and she smells and looks like life in its simplest and most uncomplicated form, so alive and so happy and easy going,’ I thought.
We sat on the sand while looking out at the sea, which I particularly love at this hour.
The air is not warm more a breeze passes through the light is velvety, the sun is reflected red gold in the waves that are slowly and somewhat pensively lapping against the shore.
What does the sea think about me?
Suddenly Mitra stood up and said, "I'll be right there, Nadir!" and ran to the hotel.
The sun was sinking and the sky turned darker, I heard and saw a seagull landed in front of me and looked at me.
When Mitra a few minutes later returned, she had a bottle of cold, sunset-coloured bottle of wine and two glasses with her.
“Get up, let us climb the rocks. The sunset looks up there lovely." she said.
I took the bottle, and we climbed the rocks up.
There was a sandy path between rocks that were not so steep and so we soon reached the top.
We sat down on the rocks, and I poured wine into glasses, she looked at me and said, "Cheers, but you have to drink the rest, I have to drive," she said and took a sip from her glass.
I took a sip too.
We looked at the sky and the last golden rays of the sun and the red, golden colour of some small clouds in the distance of the horizon.
All you could hear was the silence and the waves crashing against the rocks.
Mitra whispered, "Isn't it heavenly, Nadir?"
I had to agree, it was a beautiful sunset.
"Almost as pretty as you." I spoke.
She smiled and said thank you, kissing me on the cheek quickly. the air was very clear, and the breeze kissed my cheeks the whole time.
I looked at the sea and watched the waves fighting with the rocks below. It wasn't far from me. 5-6 meters deep.
For a moment I focused on the waves and how they beat and break apart, I saw clearly the millions of drops in the light of the moon in the air, which shone for a fraction of a second, then I looked at the millions of drops that break in seconds, rise and jump into the air and then find their way back to their mother, sea.
I was one of them and then I saw another drop, Meena who met me and then in a split second, we separated and then she met drops Mansour and then Jalal... and I met drop Mitra for another split second and in the end we all disappeared into the mother sea, our universe....
I couldn't hold back; I started to cry like a child who has lost its mother...
The tears made my cheeks, my face, wet. I was shaking all over and at the same time felt pressure in my neck and chest, and then saw a vast light on the horizon...
Mitra noticed this at one and hugged me tightly and started to cry with me...
"Calm down, calm down, my baby, calm down, I'm crying for you..."
After about five minutes, the world was healed. The stars were incredibly bright and clear, and so were my thoughts.
Mitra still held me in her arms and stroked my back and hair. We were both calm. But the sea and the waves were not...
"I have to go, you strange, rare man..." she whispered and smiled to me.
"Can I leave you alone?" She asked.
There was a moment of silence.
Then I said calmly, “Can you stay a little longer? I mean, if you don't mind, you can stay with me in my suit. I have a big bedroom and living room, I'm alone...”
"Are you scared, my baby??" She asked.
“Scared? Yes, I am... I'll be very calm, I promise, you don't need to worry...” I said.
"You are so sweet Nadir, really a rare personality,"
"You are really a rare personality, I think you're right, I'd rather drink some wine and stay at your place but first you have to open your heart to me, here have another glass of wine, opens your mind more."
I took a sip of wine and told her my story. From beginning, and showed her a photo of Meena and spoke about the years and the last week and my mental condition and my search for healing.
I guess, I talked for at least two hours and Mitra listened patiently.
I spoke about how we met, in the early years, our marriage, Meena's blackmailing by Mansour, our later games and finally about the last days.I wanted to feel me free, free from sadness, but that made me sadder as the story went on.
Then when I finished, she turned to me and said, "A strange story, you really belong to the last century, you should even go back 2 or 3 centuries," and about your wife, Meena, she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life."
"You are at least as pretty as she is,"I said.
"Nonsense," she laughed, and after a short pause while thinking, she asked " Is she important for you? I mean do you care about her and her life?"
"I don’t know, not that I don't care but I am not sure," the words floated from my lips and my heart struggled to believe them.
"I needed to get to the core of the issue, and I can't do that if I stayed at home!" I said sadly.
"But she didn’t cheat on you, Nadir! How can you even stand the sight of yourself when you claim such a thing?" Mitra countered.
"I don't know that for sure." I insisted.
"Nadir, you can't be so blind and selfish," You should be grateful that firstly I like you and secondly that I'm drunk, otherwise I would have said go to hell with your ridiculous arguments!" She was very clear with her opinion!
"There are people who, if you treat them the way you treated her, will send you away and never want to see you again, that's for sure, me for example!"
"I don't know Mitra..." I insisted.
"What does your heart say?" she asked.
"That's the problem. My heart loves her. We've been together for so many years. We were enough for each other and we love each other, that is for sure, but..." I replied. "I'm human and like any other man or woman, I enjoy attention from others at times, but Meena is more than enough woman for me. I thought that about her too…"
"I have something really important to tell you," she said. "Can I go on?"
"Yes, please," I said.
"I know this feeling Nadir, you are still confused and muddled up by the realities you have experienced, but there are also some truths that you need to see first and more, bear in mind, can I go on? Are you ready to heat the truth? The naked truth?" She asked.
I glanced at her face. I was ready at this moment to hear everyrthing, at least in my opinion I was right, so I had no reasons to say no. I agreed.
"First of all, no matter what happened, you have no right to treat someone like that, sorry, but accept that, you have no right to handle like that. Second truth and most importantly; You love her, and then comes what your heart says: you know that she is right when she says she is not the only one to blame, perhaps the main guilty one in the story of your relationship, as you told me, is you, Nadir! I like you very much Nair and I don't know your Meena, but I don't want you to ruin your life because of your personal mistakes."
Then Mitra stopped and then after thinking for a moment said, "This is the difference between our reactions is that I saved my life, but you are ruining your life, now don't say anything, hug me and we go sleeping, tomorrow go back to your heart."
"But before we go back, do you want to open your heart to me too?" I asked Carefully.
"Isn't it late for a new story?" she said.
"I have time and I am curious if you don't mind,"
"No, no, if you're interested, please."
And then, she spoke …
She is 39 years old, a lawyer in the service of the Ministry of Justice. she had a son, 17 years old who lives with his father, and she hadn’t seen him since one year, she lives in the city where we live and she is divorced since one year, she had a happy family and was married for 18 years until a year ago when she experienced a shock.
She caught her husband, with whom she had been happy since she was seventeen years old, while cheating.
He had sex with his own sister, who was three years older than him and was also married. He later admitted that the two siblings had been lovers since they were teenagers and met regularly. He was last year 44 uand his sister was 47 years old!
Mitra got divorced straight away and has been living alone since then, not even far from us in the city. She doesn't even want to see her own son anymore because he looks exactly like his father and he doesn't know about it and thinks his mother had an affair and divorced his father. She doesn't want to say anything to him either. She would rather forget her last twenty years.
After she told her story, we didn't speak for minutes, just watched the sea, then she turned to me and said, "I'm healed, Nadir, the sea healed me exactly six months ago, right here and exactly like you just experienced it, the enlightenment..."
"We have to go to sleep now, the wine is finished! " she continued, "but just one thing, I like you, in a few short hours I got to know you and grew to love you, but...but... I haven't had a man for more than a year and I don't want one either, Nadir, I have to be honest with you because I don't want to disappoint you... I do not want to have sex if you're into it... Please understand me, I can not, not yet... if it's okay with you, then we'll go to your place... Otherwise I'll leave, regardless of whether I've am drunk or not..."
"Who do you think I am, Mitra? Do you think I'm going to take you to my room to... my God..."
Then we got up. But before we went down the rocks, she hugged me again and whispered in my ear, "Please Nadir, go back to her, you are two of the good kind, two drops that only came together by chance for a fraction of time somewhere in the universe, find yourselves together again, you must not leave your love alone or sacrifice it..."
When we got to the hotel, I got another bottle of red wine from my fridge, we sat in the living room of the suit, we talked. Silence. Talked again…
About life. About the future. About gratitude. About Meena and me, and about what the sea meant to us and spoke to us...
About how we humans have become degenerated creatures.
We could use what nature and existence without asking for anything in return, has given us, for our enjoyment and pleasure: “the "drop of being "state”.
We could consciously use this state that we have been given for a fraction of a second and simply see a beautiful sunset, hear birds singing and an andante by Mozart, smell a wild rose, taste a drop of honey, and touch the tender skin of a woman's breast before we have to find our ways back to Mother Sea.
But we don't see, don't hear, don't smell, don't taste and don't touch. We have complicated everything, life itself, all our sensations have become artificial and complicated. Instead of sensing and feeling, we prefer to look into boxes, big oxes and small boxes, and let's call that life and being human.
We even want joy and pleasure to be served packed in a box.
We complicate our natural feelings and instincts, we complicate our relationships, our dealings with the environment and even our sex.
We are just terrible creatures that father nature and mother sea cannot be proud of us, on the contrary, they are surely ashamed of us…
Meena remained sitting at the table and staring down into her cup of coffee.
Her life, her perfect life, had rapidly fallen apart and it was all her own doing.
And being with Jalal, after seeing his photo, she indulged in tantalizing fantasies of him and her together.
Particularly of them having sex. And the things she knew from her experiences and memories, especially with her uncle, about men like Jalal, of how their unusual genitals, intensified intercourse and erotism for the woman, just made her fantasies even more tantalizing.
Yes, she admitted to herself at this moment that she got to the point where almost every one of last nights, before she fell asleep she laid in bed and imagined her and Jalal having sex.
But in her fantasies Nadir was always there, at least as an observer if not as her sexually active second partner.
She never thought or planned to meet Jalal alone and have sex, not even in her fantasies.
In Meena's state-of-mind she was not cheating. She was not betraying Nadir.
Rather, she was on the hunt and looking for a sex partner for Nadir's erotic games and she would have received what her performances were worth and would have earned her fair and legitimate price.
The old Jalal Noori with his excellent properties was the trophy specimen of the male species which she was hunting for their games.
These days and what she had done, were limited adventures to seduce Jalal for later, for her and Nadir’s erotic games.
Strangely enough, she almost thought that Nadir was right.
She let her hormones and erotic desires come into play in those few moments.
That was her big mistake.
And she knew it was doable to seduce him. But she went too far.
Her intuition sensed Jalal was interested in her and she believed he would take her as far as possible if he was given an opportunity.
All she had to do was give him the opportunity, and she gave him that!
Meena was confident Jalal would go along with this opportunity because several times he gave the signal.
And she signalled to Jalal that this was his opportunity that Nadir is abroad.
She looked and dressed as stunning and alluring and sexy as possible.
Nadir was right, this all was for Jalal.
From this point of view and today and in this moment, it seemed if her behaviour would send a clear signal to him that she was available for the taking.
It seemed so that, if he picked up and accepted her signals, then they would go through this sexual trip and adventure.
Of course Jalal picked up her signal the first day while dancing, or before, as they left for dance floor, even earlier, when she sat down in his car and he saw what she was offering him, well, of course, he wanted it.
He wanted to take full advantage of the opportunity.
She didn't plan it that way, it's all got out of hand because the atmosphere was so prepared and pleasing.
Perhaps Nadir exaggerated in his suspicions and accusations of her betrayal and deception.
But basically, he was right, she was thinking, it was not just his jealousy of Jalal and a lusciously sensual.
She had lied to him and not told the truth.
He was very angry now.
What would he decide now? she thought.
She couldn't imagine life without him.
Ever since she left her childhood, since she stopped playing with dolls, she has known him and he has been a part of her life, or rather a part of herself.
It was with him that she first really got to know life and the world and for her, as a little girl and then later as a shy teenager, he was always a good-looking, polite and reliable boy next door that she always wanted to get to know better and always dreamed of him as a friend and life partner.
Even all of her friends and family noticed that.
They met for the first time when she was just nine and he was fourteen.
They were in love with each other after four or five years.
For both of them, life had only in the presence of the other one, a meaning.
But they had sex and physical contact later, when she was seventeen and he was twenty-two years old. He was her first and she was his first.
She gave him her virginity and he brought her to her first orgasm.
So now according to Nadir there would be no forgiveness, there would be no getting beyond it.
Unless he gains certainty, that he has no doubt that Meena had no other reason to be with Jalal but to push forward his, Nadir’s started erotic game plans about Jalal!
That he realizes what the real reason for the matter was and how it all started, that he understands that it is not only her responsibility and fault…
◊ ◊ ◊
Nadir's Narration:
I got up, first I had to drink a glass of water. Then I went up to the bedroom.
I opened Meena's wardrobe door. I looked for the samll gift from Jalal. I took it and then I bent down and looked under her side of the bed. They were still there.
Her black skirt had lots of typical sperm stains on it and her dirty white blouse with cum marks on it, especially on the bottom.
Both looked weird and it wasn't typical of Meena that she didn't wash things like that straight away.
I took both and went back to the ground floor.
She was still sitting there, lost in thought, with moist and slightly red eyes.
I put the three objects on the table in front of her and sat down again where I was before.
She started to cry quietly and after a short minute she was really howling.
"Look Meena, My point is not that you start a long term affair or relationship with him or anyone, that it happens more than once or lasts. It is not even about how it all is and what kind, kissing, groping, fingering, or real sex and intercourse, as you say penetration."
"Even if you claim that you have not entered into a nonsexual, I mean, emotional relationship with him, and that you have not fallen in love with him or love him, I do not consider that to be hundert percent honest and do not consider it to be completely credible,and for whatever reason you enter into a relationship with him, alcohol effect, your hormones, your animal instincts, that he is better, prettier, has a bigger cock, can love better, is richer, fulfills your wishes in every respect sexually or materially. All of this can happen."
"We've done a few times some sexual games, together, as you say, at my request and my plan, I mean the games that we started with other men. I saw and look at you having sex with them, in my presence, with my consent, let's say my initiative. I enjoyed it. You enjoyed it too, may be more, as a woman."
"All of this is not primarily a problem for me and my point. The problem starts when you hide something. That you hide it from me, as your only man and love, as you claim. You hid that another man, with your consent and even your encouragement, kissed you, touched you, fondled you, kissed your breasts, worked on and rubbed your pussy, squirted for you and gave you his seeds and brought you to orgasm.
That's the point. It may be that you even long for him. We are human and we have feelings, emotions, hormones and instincts. It can happen that you desire someone, their body, their behavior, what they are like...
"The third person, here me, has to deal with it or leave you and go away. That is his right, but you have to be honest with him and give him the opportunity. The opportunity to choose. This is the least that you not only can do but must do...
But now, these days and here you didn't do it, there is no excuse for that. You have been silent, hiding and waiting. Even though you could have told me last night, you didn't say a word to me until I discovered, I presented the evidence, I opened everything up, until you could no longer deny it. That is my problem...
Then where we currently stand in the matterit is legitimate to call what you did, betrayal, fraud, cheating, infidelity and every designation along those meanings...
I repeat this Meena, you didn't belong to me at those moments, hours and days. And I'm not sure if you belong to me and only me at this moment.
I can't take it anymore, Meena, I can't stand it how it is..."
I had to get up and leave that room.
I couldn't do it anymore. I needed time and rest. My thoughts needed to calm down. I was in my study. I turned on the music in my computer.
She was and is my Muse and Muse for others, too.-
After that I packed a small suitcase in the bedroom, took only the things that I absolutely needed for a short stay, and went downstairs. I called the chief surgeon in medical college and told him I need a few days off, I have to sort out something private. He immediately accepted it and wished me all the best I got my suitcase and went dowmstairs...
Meena was still sitting in the kitchen, looked up at me with wet eyes and I could clearly see that she was sinking in her seat. Her face turned pale and she couldn't say a word, I had the feeling, she just looked alternately at me and my suitcase and shook her head.
“I can't Meena, I'm sorry, I have to go. Please don't ask where or what... I'll get in touch and you take good care of yourself... I don't know if this is the end for us or a new beginning... I'm afraid you can't help me. I have to let myself and nature heal my wounds... Maybe time will help with that...“
And then I went into the garage and took my vintage car, my old Jaguar, which she had given me, and drove away…
◊ ◊ ◊
Nadir’s Narration:
After about 3 hours driving I was in the heavenly beach that I had seen in the magazine, previous night together with Meena.
I got a hotel room and went to the bar and ordered my favorite alcoholic drink...
***
The next day was Sunday, the hotel beach and even the nearby beaches were very crowded.
I got in the car and drove a few kilometres away.
There, I was able to walk along the beach for hours in peace, no one was there, just the sea, sand and me, until I was tired and hungry.
It was afternoon when I got back to the hotel. Then I ate and sat at the bar until the evening. It was just after 8 o'clock in the evening that I noticed two pretty green eyes watching me.
The eyes belonged to a well-dressed woman of my age or a little younger. When our eyes met, she smiled and tilted her head briefly. I smiled back and greeted her with a "Hi, "I immediately noticed that my voice was not audible.
She had short, light brown hair and a rather slim figure.
"Sad eyes," Normally I don’t speak with strangers, my mother forbade me," and laughed.
Then, "but your eyes are speaking a sad story,"
"My eyes are just tired, sorry," I responded, not interested.
"You must not open your heart, but this helps you open your mind," she said and showed my glass to the bartender and told him another one.
I thanked for drink and said, "Thank you, normally the man should invite and give a lady, I mean the drink."
"We live in a neutral world, cheers, people say." and raised her red wine glass.
I said cheers and took a sip of my new drink glass, then looked in her beautiful green eyes and said, "your eyes don't look so happy either,"
"Tired!", she answered and giggled, "Now, you are trying me to open my heart!" She continued and smiled.
"I am for the last one week here, I didn’t see you last days,” she said.
"I only arrived yesterday."
"Alone?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm traveling solo, I am in a healing journey, I hope at least,"I smiled.
"Now I can guess what is wrong with your eyes, you are mentally ill!"
"Yes, incurable!" I laughed.
“This is a good place for that, I was healed here some time ago,"she said calmly.
"Done with the trip"I show her the suitcase next to it.
"Yes, unfortunately I have to say goodbye to the sea," she smiled sadly and continued," and to you too, it's getting late. I have to get going,“ and she stood up, when I looked at her, I estimated that she was about 170 cm tall, with quite small breasts and a slim body. She was wearing jeans with sports sandals, with short 2-3 cm heels.
She reached for her suitcase but then asked me, "Are you staying here? I want to go to the shore for a bit I need about an hour to say goodbye if you stay here, I can leave my suitcases here or I'll take them to the car."
The hotel parking lot was set back a little in the other direction from the beach.
"Do you mind if I accompany you to the beach? I can help you take your suitcase to the car now," I asked and added, "I need to get my healing dose from the sea again."
"It would be nice if you would accompany me, let's go," she replied.
I got her suitcase, and we left the hotel with the suitcase and walked towards the parking lot.
She asked my name, and I answered.
"Nadir means rare, a rare creature, is your kind rare breed?" she said and laughed.
"I don't know, but I think so... at least I don't belong to this time,"I said and laughed.
"And why do you think that you don't belong to this time? At least you belong to this world, I'm not either, I'm not even from this world..." and laughed again.
Now we've arrived at the sea shore.
It was very beautiful.
Half past eight in the evening and it was still light.
The beach was almost empty.
A couple, with a dog, were strolling along the water, seagulls were still screeching in competition with each other.
I looked at a sandcastle that the waves took over at night.
I thought to me, there is a similarity the life of me and this sandcastle.
My companion interrupted my train of thought.
"I am Mitra, not a god but a goddess of contracts and friendship and the guardian of cosmic order … but unfortunately I have not managed to bring orderinto my own life, even," and laughed.
I looked at her, ’She is so pretty, and she smells and looks like life in its simplest and most uncomplicated form, so alive and so happy and easy going,’ I thought.
We sat on the sand while looking out at the sea, which I particularly love at this hour.
The air is not warm more a breeze passes through the light is velvety, the sun is reflected red gold in the waves that are slowly and somewhat pensively lapping against the shore.
What does the sea think about me?
Suddenly Mitra stood up and said, "I'll be right there, Nadir!" and ran to the hotel.
The sun was sinking and the sky turned darker, I heard and saw a seagull landed in front of me and looked at me.
When Mitra a few minutes later returned, she had a bottle of cold, sunset-coloured bottle of wine and two glasses with her.
“Get up, let us climb the rocks. The sunset looks up there lovely." she said.
I took the bottle, and we climbed the rocks up.
There was a sandy path between rocks that were not so steep and so we soon reached the top.
We sat down on the rocks, and I poured wine into glasses, she looked at me and said, "Cheers, but you have to drink the rest, I have to drive," she said and took a sip from her glass.
I took a sip too.
We looked at the sky and the last golden rays of the sun and the red, golden colour of some small clouds in the distance of the horizon.
All you could hear was the silence and the waves crashing against the rocks.
Mitra whispered, "Isn't it heavenly, Nadir?"
I had to agree, it was a beautiful sunset.
"Almost as pretty as you." I spoke.
She smiled and said thank you, kissing me on the cheek quickly. the air was very clear, and the breeze kissed my cheeks the whole time.
I looked at the sea and watched the waves fighting with the rocks below. It wasn't far from me. 5-6 meters deep.
For a moment I focused on the waves and how they beat and break apart, I saw clearly the millions of drops in the light of the moon in the air, which shone for a fraction of a second, then I looked at the millions of drops that break in seconds, rise and jump into the air and then find their way back to their mother, sea.
I was one of them and then I saw another drop, Meena who met me and then in a split second, we separated and then she met drops Mansour and then Jalal... and I met drop Mitra for another split second and in the end we all disappeared into the mother sea, our universe....
I couldn't hold back; I started to cry like a child who has lost its mother...
The tears made my cheeks, my face, wet. I was shaking all over and at the same time felt pressure in my neck and chest, and then saw a vast light on the horizon...
Mitra noticed this at one and hugged me tightly and started to cry with me...
"Calm down, calm down, my baby, calm down, I'm crying for you..."
After about five minutes, the world was healed. The stars were incredibly bright and clear, and so were my thoughts.
Mitra still held me in her arms and stroked my back and hair. We were both calm. But the sea and the waves were not...
"I have to go, you strange, rare man..." she whispered and smiled to me.
"Can I leave you alone?" She asked.
There was a moment of silence.
Then I said calmly, “Can you stay a little longer? I mean, if you don't mind, you can stay with me in my suit. I have a big bedroom and living room, I'm alone...”
"Are you scared, my baby??" She asked.
“Scared? Yes, I am... I'll be very calm, I promise, you don't need to worry...” I said.
"You are so sweet Nadir, really a rare personality,"
"You are really a rare personality, I think you're right, I'd rather drink some wine and stay at your place but first you have to open your heart to me, here have another glass of wine, opens your mind more."
I took a sip of wine and told her my story. From beginning, and showed her a photo of Meena and spoke about the years and the last week and my mental condition and my search for healing.
I guess, I talked for at least two hours and Mitra listened patiently.
I spoke about how we met, in the early years, our marriage, Meena's blackmailing by Mansour, our later games and finally about the last days.I wanted to feel me free, free from sadness, but that made me sadder as the story went on.
Then when I finished, she turned to me and said, "A strange story, you really belong to the last century, you should even go back 2 or 3 centuries," and about your wife, Meena, she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life."
"You are at least as pretty as she is,"I said.
"Nonsense," she laughed, and after a short pause while thinking, she asked " Is she important for you? I mean do you care about her and her life?"
"I don’t know, not that I don't care but I am not sure," the words floated from my lips and my heart struggled to believe them.
"I needed to get to the core of the issue, and I can't do that if I stayed at home!" I said sadly.
"But she didn’t cheat on you, Nadir! How can you even stand the sight of yourself when you claim such a thing?" Mitra countered.
"I don't know that for sure." I insisted.
"Nadir, you can't be so blind and selfish," You should be grateful that firstly I like you and secondly that I'm drunk, otherwise I would have said go to hell with your ridiculous arguments!" She was very clear with her opinion!
"There are people who, if you treat them the way you treated her, will send you away and never want to see you again, that's for sure, me for example!"
"I don't know Mitra..." I insisted.
"What does your heart say?" she asked.
"That's the problem. My heart loves her. We've been together for so many years. We were enough for each other and we love each other, that is for sure, but..." I replied. "I'm human and like any other man or woman, I enjoy attention from others at times, but Meena is more than enough woman for me. I thought that about her too…"
"I have something really important to tell you," she said. "Can I go on?"
"Yes, please," I said.
"I know this feeling Nadir, you are still confused and muddled up by the realities you have experienced, but there are also some truths that you need to see first and more, bear in mind, can I go on? Are you ready to heat the truth? The naked truth?" She asked.
I glanced at her face. I was ready at this moment to hear everyrthing, at least in my opinion I was right, so I had no reasons to say no. I agreed.
"First of all, no matter what happened, you have no right to treat someone like that, sorry, but accept that, you have no right to handle like that. Second truth and most importantly; You love her, and then comes what your heart says: you know that she is right when she says she is not the only one to blame, perhaps the main guilty one in the story of your relationship, as you told me, is you, Nadir! I like you very much Nair and I don't know your Meena, but I don't want you to ruin your life because of your personal mistakes."
Then Mitra stopped and then after thinking for a moment said, "This is the difference between our reactions is that I saved my life, but you are ruining your life, now don't say anything, hug me and we go sleeping, tomorrow go back to your heart."
"But before we go back, do you want to open your heart to me too?" I asked Carefully.
"Isn't it late for a new story?" she said.
"I have time and I am curious if you don't mind,"
"No, no, if you're interested, please."
And then, she spoke …
She is 39 years old, a lawyer in the service of the Ministry of Justice. she had a son, 17 years old who lives with his father, and she hadn’t seen him since one year, she lives in the city where we live and she is divorced since one year, she had a happy family and was married for 18 years until a year ago when she experienced a shock.
She caught her husband, with whom she had been happy since she was seventeen years old, while cheating.
He had sex with his own sister, who was three years older than him and was also married. He later admitted that the two siblings had been lovers since they were teenagers and met regularly. He was last year 44 uand his sister was 47 years old!
Mitra got divorced straight away and has been living alone since then, not even far from us in the city. She doesn't even want to see her own son anymore because he looks exactly like his father and he doesn't know about it and thinks his mother had an affair and divorced his father. She doesn't want to say anything to him either. She would rather forget her last twenty years.
After she told her story, we didn't speak for minutes, just watched the sea, then she turned to me and said, "I'm healed, Nadir, the sea healed me exactly six months ago, right here and exactly like you just experienced it, the enlightenment..."
"We have to go to sleep now, the wine is finished! " she continued, "but just one thing, I like you, in a few short hours I got to know you and grew to love you, but...but... I haven't had a man for more than a year and I don't want one either, Nadir, I have to be honest with you because I don't want to disappoint you... I do not want to have sex if you're into it... Please understand me, I can not, not yet... if it's okay with you, then we'll go to your place... Otherwise I'll leave, regardless of whether I've am drunk or not..."
"Who do you think I am, Mitra? Do you think I'm going to take you to my room to... my God..."
Then we got up. But before we went down the rocks, she hugged me again and whispered in my ear, "Please Nadir, go back to her, you are two of the good kind, two drops that only came together by chance for a fraction of time somewhere in the universe, find yourselves together again, you must not leave your love alone or sacrifice it..."
When we got to the hotel, I got another bottle of red wine from my fridge, we sat in the living room of the suit, we talked. Silence. Talked again…
About life. About the future. About gratitude. About Meena and me, and about what the sea meant to us and spoke to us...
About how we humans have become degenerated creatures.
We could use what nature and existence without asking for anything in return, has given us, for our enjoyment and pleasure: “the "drop of being "state”.
We could consciously use this state that we have been given for a fraction of a second and simply see a beautiful sunset, hear birds singing and an andante by Mozart, smell a wild rose, taste a drop of honey, and touch the tender skin of a woman's breast before we have to find our ways back to Mother Sea.
But we don't see, don't hear, don't smell, don't taste and don't touch. We have complicated everything, life itself, all our sensations have become artificial and complicated. Instead of sensing and feeling, we prefer to look into boxes, big oxes and small boxes, and let's call that life and being human.
We even want joy and pleasure to be served packed in a box.
We complicate our natural feelings and instincts, we complicate our relationships, our dealings with the environment and even our sex.
We are just terrible creatures that father nature and mother sea cannot be proud of us, on the contrary, they are surely ashamed of us…
◊ ◊ ◊
Smell it, but don't tear it off
Demeter
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-- tbc --
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