Yesterday, 01:13 AM
## Update 29: The New Obsession
I took the book containing Madam's letter and went home, the weight of the last few days heavy on me. I put the book under the bed, tucking a wooden ruler alongside it, a symbolic attempt to keep the memories straight and safe. I then ate dinner, feeling mechanical, and went to sleep.
The next day, and the day after, I still didn't feel good. The sudden absence of Madam left a huge, aching void. I kept remembering every detail of our sex, her face, her instructions, and her parting words. Everyone in the village got scared when they heard that the regular math teacher would be returning in two months, but I just wanted Madam back.
Two days went by like this. I was quiet, withdrawn, and Meena chachi noticed immediately, growing worried to see me so subdued.
"What's the matter, Avi? Why are you so quiet?" Meena chachi asked, her voice filled with genuine concern.
"Nothing, Chachi," I replied flatly.
"No, something is wrong. You’re not yourself," she insisted, trying to pry the issue out of me.
I thought: How do I tell you that the woman who taught me everything is gone, and I am craving sex? How do I tell you that I want to continue the lessons?
To divert her line of questioning, I changed the topic back to the plausible source of my sadness. "That boring math teacher is coming back in two months," I said, putting on a show of disappointment.
"So what? Study on your own for a bit. And study what Madam taught you so you don't forget the material. If it's really a problem, I can talk to another Madam to tutor you in the meantime," Meena chachi suggested practically.
I thought: Another Madam? Oh, yes, Madam is gone, but Mona is here. I saw the passion in her life. I'll watch her have sex, just like before. Maybe if I'm clever, I'll even get a chance myself.
"No, I'll manage the studies," I said aloud, dismissing her offer quickly.
"That's the spirit. Now go and play. You haven't gone to the ground to play in two days. Go now and make up for the last two days," Meena chachi urged, giving me a strong nudge towards normalcy.
"Yes, I'll go play. It will make me feel better," I said, realizing she had unintentionally pointed me toward the only thing that could truly distract me: the opportunity to observe or participate in sex again.
I went to the ground to play, but I was restless. After a while, I saw Mona and Mala walking and talking near the house bordering the ground. I immediately stopped playing and moved closer, pretending to tie my shoe, and started listening intently to their conversation.
"Why didn't you come to the storehouse yesterday?" Mona asked Mala, sounding slightly annoyed.
"I was scared," Mala replied softly.
"Scared of what? You don't have to do it yourself; you just have to watch," Mona said, trying to reassure her friend.
"What if your brother finds out we are watching?" Mala asked, clearly worried about the consequences.
"Don't worry about him. I'll handle him," Mona said confidently, dismissing the threat of her brother.
"But I just don't like this, watching them," Mala said, her discomfort audible.
"Look, I'm doing you a favor by showing you this. Look at how other girls die to see it, how curious they are about it. Don't think too much; just come tomorrow," Mona said, using a subtle mix of flattery and pressure to persuade her.
"Okay," Mala relented, sounding hesitant. "But you'll handle everything, right? If there’s trouble?"
"Come to the storehouse at 6 p.m. tomorrow. See that broken window? Go inside from there. This is the last time I'm asking. If you don't come tomorrow, I won't show you my sex again," Mona said, delivering a firm ultimatum to ensure Mala’s compliance.
"Okay," Mala finally agreed.
Then Mona and Mala went off to their respective homes.
I started thinking: Mona is trapping Mala to watch them have sex with her. What do I care? This is perfect. Tomorrow, I'll get to see two girls and two boys having sex, and I can compare their clumsy actions to the masterful lessons Madam taught me.
I went home, my spirits lifted by the prospect of the next day. After eating dinner, I did some homework, but my mind was too busy to focus. I was thinking about whether I should go and tell Mala everything—warning her about what she was walking into. Then I immediately thought: What if Mona's brother finds out that I told Mala? He'll beat me up brutally.
I kept wrestling with the choice of what to do—protecting Mala or protecting myself—and somewhere in the middle of this moral debate, I fell asleep, the excitement for tomorrow winning out over caution.
I took the book containing Madam's letter and went home, the weight of the last few days heavy on me. I put the book under the bed, tucking a wooden ruler alongside it, a symbolic attempt to keep the memories straight and safe. I then ate dinner, feeling mechanical, and went to sleep.
The next day, and the day after, I still didn't feel good. The sudden absence of Madam left a huge, aching void. I kept remembering every detail of our sex, her face, her instructions, and her parting words. Everyone in the village got scared when they heard that the regular math teacher would be returning in two months, but I just wanted Madam back.
Two days went by like this. I was quiet, withdrawn, and Meena chachi noticed immediately, growing worried to see me so subdued.
"What's the matter, Avi? Why are you so quiet?" Meena chachi asked, her voice filled with genuine concern.
"Nothing, Chachi," I replied flatly.
"No, something is wrong. You’re not yourself," she insisted, trying to pry the issue out of me.
I thought: How do I tell you that the woman who taught me everything is gone, and I am craving sex? How do I tell you that I want to continue the lessons?
To divert her line of questioning, I changed the topic back to the plausible source of my sadness. "That boring math teacher is coming back in two months," I said, putting on a show of disappointment.
"So what? Study on your own for a bit. And study what Madam taught you so you don't forget the material. If it's really a problem, I can talk to another Madam to tutor you in the meantime," Meena chachi suggested practically.
I thought: Another Madam? Oh, yes, Madam is gone, but Mona is here. I saw the passion in her life. I'll watch her have sex, just like before. Maybe if I'm clever, I'll even get a chance myself.
"No, I'll manage the studies," I said aloud, dismissing her offer quickly.
"That's the spirit. Now go and play. You haven't gone to the ground to play in two days. Go now and make up for the last two days," Meena chachi urged, giving me a strong nudge towards normalcy.
"Yes, I'll go play. It will make me feel better," I said, realizing she had unintentionally pointed me toward the only thing that could truly distract me: the opportunity to observe or participate in sex again.
I went to the ground to play, but I was restless. After a while, I saw Mona and Mala walking and talking near the house bordering the ground. I immediately stopped playing and moved closer, pretending to tie my shoe, and started listening intently to their conversation.
"Why didn't you come to the storehouse yesterday?" Mona asked Mala, sounding slightly annoyed.
"I was scared," Mala replied softly.
"Scared of what? You don't have to do it yourself; you just have to watch," Mona said, trying to reassure her friend.
"What if your brother finds out we are watching?" Mala asked, clearly worried about the consequences.
"Don't worry about him. I'll handle him," Mona said confidently, dismissing the threat of her brother.
"But I just don't like this, watching them," Mala said, her discomfort audible.
"Look, I'm doing you a favor by showing you this. Look at how other girls die to see it, how curious they are about it. Don't think too much; just come tomorrow," Mona said, using a subtle mix of flattery and pressure to persuade her.
"Okay," Mala relented, sounding hesitant. "But you'll handle everything, right? If there’s trouble?"
"Come to the storehouse at 6 p.m. tomorrow. See that broken window? Go inside from there. This is the last time I'm asking. If you don't come tomorrow, I won't show you my sex again," Mona said, delivering a firm ultimatum to ensure Mala’s compliance.
"Okay," Mala finally agreed.
Then Mona and Mala went off to their respective homes.
I started thinking: Mona is trapping Mala to watch them have sex with her. What do I care? This is perfect. Tomorrow, I'll get to see two girls and two boys having sex, and I can compare their clumsy actions to the masterful lessons Madam taught me.
I went home, my spirits lifted by the prospect of the next day. After eating dinner, I did some homework, but my mind was too busy to focus. I was thinking about whether I should go and tell Mala everything—warning her about what she was walking into. Then I immediately thought: What if Mona's brother finds out that I told Mala? He'll beat me up brutally.
I kept wrestling with the choice of what to do—protecting Mala or protecting myself—and somewhere in the middle of this moral debate, I fell asleep, the excitement for tomorrow winning out over caution.
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