08-10-2025, 11:45 AM
(CHAPTER CONTD)
SOMEDAYS LATER AT RAGINI'S APARTMENT
The faint smell of sandalwood filled Ragini’s apartment, calm and soothing, the kind of environment that usually helped Sonarika breathe easier. The evening sunlight fell through the sheer curtains, painting the walls in quiet amber. But today, peace refused to stay. Ragini poured two cups of herbal tea, her movements unhurried, though she could already sense that Sonarika hadn’t come just for small talk. Her friend sat on the couch—stiff, pale, her fingers nervously fidgeting with her bracelet.
"Here" Ragini said softly, handing her the cup.
"You look like you’ve been awake all night. What’s wrong?"
Sonarika hesitated. Her lips trembled as she tried to find the right words. Then, like something snapping, she spoke in a rush.
"I made the same mistake again, Ragini"
Ragini froze, her tea untouched.
"What do you mean?"
Sonarika lowered her eyes, her voice breaking.
"I went back to Vikram. I… slept with him again"
For a moment, silence consumed the room. The ticking clock on the wall grew deafening. Then Ragini set her cup down, her calm cracking into sharp disbelief.
"Sonarika—no. Not again" Her voice was low, angry, trembling with concern.
"You were supposed to be done with it. You knew what it did to you last time"
"I know!" Sonarika cried out, clutching her head.
"I thought I was stronger this time, that I could stay away. But the moment I saw him, I—"
She broke off, breath quivering.
"I couldn’t help it. He has this hold on me, Ragini. I feel like I lose control of my body when he’s near"
Ragini’s face hardened.
"You’re not a child, Sona. You don’t lose control—you let him take it from you. You’re feeding the same wound that’s destroying you"
Tears streamed down Sonarika’s cheeks.
"You don’t understand. I tried everything. Hemant’s tenderness, his gentleness—it feels distant, like a lullaby I can’t hear anymore. And Vikram…"
She swallowed hard, her voice softening into something shameful.
"Vikram tempts me. He’s like gravity. I hate myself for it, but I crave him. His touch silences the noise inside me for a while"
Ragini looked away, fighting her own frustration. When she finally met Sonarika’s eyes, her expression had changed—less angry, more haunted.
"Do you remember what Dr. Neha said about your accident? How your head injury could’ve affected your emotional regulation? The impulsiveness, the dependency?"
Sonarika blinked, confused.
"She mentioned something… about that. But I thought it was just a theory"
Ragini leaned forward, her tone turning serious.
"It’s not just a theory anymore, Sonarika. I’ve seen it. You’re repeating the same pattern no matter how much pain it brings you. That’s not just emotional weakness—it’s neurological. It’s like your mind is addicted to the chaos he gives you"
Sonarika’s eyes widened, her lips parting as the words sank in.
"Addicted? You think I’m addicted to Vikram?"
"I think something’s wrong, yes" Ragini said firmly.
"And we’re not going to fix it with therapy sessions alone. I need you to trust me"
"How?" Sonarika whispered, her voice small.
Ragini stood, walked to her writing desk, and picked up a small notebook filled with scribbles and folded notes. She flipped through a few pages before speaking again.
"Can you take a day off this week?"
"Yes, I can. Why?"
"Because I want to take you somewhere" Ragini said, closing the notebook.
"Somewhere important. Somewhere to finf out about you. We’ll figure this out together—what’s actually happening to you. But I need you to trust me completely"
Sonarika frowned, confused.
"Where are we going?"
Ragini smiled gently but didn’t answer.
"You’ll see when we get there. Just promise me one thing—don’t tell anyone about it. Not Hemant. Not Vikram. Not even Anjali. The fewer people who know, the better"
Sonarika hesitated. There was something strange about Ragini’s tone—not frightening, but heavy, almost secretive.
"Ragini, you’re making this sound serious"
"It is serious" Ragini replied softly.
"But not hopeless. I promise, Sona—whatever this is, we’ll find the root of it. You’ve been fighting yourself long enough. Let me help you understand why"
Sonarika stared at her friend, tears glistening in her eyes.
"I don’t know what I’d do without you"
Ragini smiled faintly and crossed the room to embrace her.
"What are friends for. Just be ready that day. No more running from yourself"
Sonarika nodded against her shoulder, her voice trembling.
"Thank you, Ragini. Really"
Ragini’s arms tightened briefly before letting her go.
"Good. Then we start soon"
As Sonarika gathered her things to leave, she glanced back once more. Ragini stood by the window, watching the fading light with a thoughtful expression. For a brief moment, Sonarika wondered if there was something Ragini wasn’t saying—something behind those careful, knowing eyes.
But then she dismissed it. Ragini had been her savior. Her friend. Her only hope.
ONE FINE DAY
The corridors of Neuro Vision Hospital felt colder than Sonarika expected. White walls, antiseptic smell, distant hum of machines; it all pressed down on her like a silent weight. She clutched her handbag tightly, following Ragini through the glass doors. Inside, a familiar voice called her name. Sonarika turned sharply. Dr. Neha Bharadwaj stood near the reception desk, her calm professional smile in place.
"Neha?" Sonarika blinked.
"What are you doing here? I thought this was just a talk Ragini wanted us to do. Why are we in a hospital?"
Neha’s smile softened.
"It’s time to tell you the truth, Sonarika. We’re not here for a routine checkup. We’re here to understand what’s happening to you"
A flicker of unease rippled through Sonarika’s chest. She looked from Neha to Ragini.
"You both are scaring me. What is this?"
Ragini gently took her arm.
"Come with us. Please. You’re safe"
They led her through a quiet wing of the hospital to a frosted glass door marked Dr. Sangeetha Awasthi, Neurology. Inside, a woman in her late forties with sharp but kind eyes stood waiting, her white coat crisp, her hands clasped.
"Mrs. Sonarika Kumar" Dr. Awasthi said warmly.
"Welcome. I’m Dr. Sangeetha Awasthi. We’ve set everything up already"
"Setup?" Sonarika’s voice cracked.
"For what?"
Dr. Awasthi stepped closer.
"An MRI scan. We need to look at your brain activity in real time. It’s completely safe, I promise"
Sonarika glanced between the three women, fear flickering in her eyes.
"MRI? Why? What’s wrong with me?"
Neha placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Nothing life-threatening. We’re here because we care. Please trust us"
Ragini nodded.
"You’re not alone, Sona. We’re with you, no matter what"
Sonarika bit her lip, trembling slightly.
"Alright. I’ll do it"
Minutes later, she was lying on a padded bed as the MRI machine loomed above her like a white tunnel. The nurse adjusted her head gently, slid her inside. The low, rhythmic thumping of the magnets started. Sonarika closed her eyes, gripping her palms. She felt like she was surrendering herself to some invisible judgment. Upstairs in the observation deck, Dr. Awasthi studied the monitor while Neha and Ragini stood behind her. The scan’s colored images shifted and pulsed. After several tense minutes, Awasthi exhaled slowly, her expression grave.
"You were right, Neha" she murmured.
"The lesion from her old injury hasn’t just persisted—it’s been showing erratic decomposition. Look here, in the prefrontal region… these signals correlate with impulse regulation and sexual drive"
Neha’s jaw tightened.
"This confirms it"
Ragini swallowed hard.
"So it’s not just in her head…"
"No" Awasthi said firmly.
"Her hypersexuality isn’t merely behavioral. It’s neurological"
When the scan ended, Sonarika was led to a private recovery room—soft lighting, a couch, a small table with water. She sat on the edge of the couch, twisting her fingers nervously. All three women stood near the doorway, strangely quiet.
"Why are you all so silent?" Sonarika whispered.
"You’re scaring me. Please… just tell me"
Ragini moved first, sitting beside her. She took Sonarika’s cold hands in hers.
"Sonarika, remember when Neha told you to be cautious with your actions?"
Sonarika nodded faintly. “Yes… she said I should be mindful. Why?”
"Because" Ragini said softly but firmly.
"The things you’ve been doing lately—the impulsiveness, the craving, the choices—they’re not entirely conscious decisions. You’ve been fighting something you didn’t even know was inside you. Something that made you make those reckless decisions"
Sonarika blinked, her breath hitching.
"What are you saying?"
Neha knelt in front of her.
"Sonarika… you’re suffering from something called Cognitive Hypersexuality. It’s a rare condition where damage to certain parts of the brain creates compulsive sexual behavior. In your case, it stems from the head injury you had as a teenager"
Sonarika stared, stunned.
"Head injury…? You mean the grill incident from Delhi? But I was already healed from it!"
Neha nodded.
"Not exactly Sonarika. The injury decomposed and left a lesion. Over time, it’s influenced your impulses. When you were initially recovering from that , whatever feelings and actions you had , the injury amplified it. Those frequent visits to your then-boyfriend, the sexual intensity—it wasn’t just youthful recklessness. It was this condition slowly manifesting.”
Tears welled in Sonarika’s eyes. Neha continued.
"This is the reason you had a mental breakdown when you broke up with Rocky. Because you were being already addicted to the sex and him leaving made you desperate for it"
Sonarika was still overwhelmed with emotions until doubt crossed her mind.
"But…...Hemant? I wasn't addicted to him? We had a normal marriage for years"
"Actually you did , you said to me in our therapy sessions how much both of you had trouble keeping their hands off of each other when you were freshly married. Only difference is Hemant wasn't a full on participant like Rocky or Vikram were. He came in your life with limitations , brought romance in a way you never felt before"
Sonarika remembered it , Neha was showing her the mirror of their marriage. Every kiss , every touch , it wasn't fuelled by intimacy , it was by love. She remembers the first time she had sex and how when he buried himself inside her , she didn't move. Just stared at him , look him in the eyes and felt him. Both their eyes wet with tears because in those moments , it was not just their bodies that were conjoining , but their souls were copulating with each other.
"Hemant gave you a new perspective, a different life lesson you never got. When submission and reliance was your relationship dynamic with Rocky. Hemant brought the domain of responsibility , support and the true meaning of companionship with you. With him , you were no longer being obedient or submissive. You were treated as his equal , a partner"
Neha explained gently.
"His stability, his steadiness—they distracted your brain. Your marriage, even when you believed was actually boring, was actually protecting you. It was a counterweight to the condition"
Ragini’s voice trembled as she added.
"And when Vikram, he triggered the old pathways. Heightened your urges. That’s why you feel so powerless around him—it’s your brain, not your soul"
Sonarika gasped, her whole body trembling. Memories flashed—their honeymoon, the first outdoor intimacy in Goa, the kitchen encounter she believed conceived Karan , the start of Vikram at Jabalpur , countless sex at Galaxy Apartments , trip of Bali , return to Vikram. All those moments of intensity now tinged with a new, horrifying clarity.
"I’m… I’m broken" she whispered.
"I’m sick. Everything I’ve done… it’s me but not me. I’ve destroyed my life. I don’t deserve anything. I’m not worth saving. Maybe I should just—"
"Stop" Neha’s tone was firm but kind. She took Sonarika’s face in her hands.
"This is not a death sentence. You are not a monster. This is a medical condition. It can be treated, managed. But you have to fight. You have to let us help you"
Ragini wrapped her arms around Sonarika from behind.
"We’re here, Sona. All of us. No matter how dark this feels, you’re not alone anymore"
Sonarika sobbed into Ragini’s arms, shaking violently.
"I ruined everything… Hemant, Karan, my marriage, and now even Vikram…"
Neha stroked her hair.
"You’re not ruined. You’re hurt. And hurt people can heal"
For the first time in months, Sonarika let herself be held without resisting. Her tears wet Ragini’s shoulder, but Ragini didn’t move. She held on tighter, as if anchoring her friend to the earth.
"Let’s go home" Ragini said softly.
"My place. You need rest, safety, quiet. We’ll figure out the next step together"
Sonarika nodded weakly. She didn’t have words left. Because right now , her world was turned upside down , realizing that she was always sick and was neither loyal to Hemant nor to Vikram.
Ragini’s apartment was silent except for the soft hum of the ceiling fan. The curtains were half-drawn, letting in slivers of pale afternoon light that painted the floor in uneven lines. Sonarika sat curled up on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, her face pale and blank. Ragini set a glass of water near her.
"Drink a little" she said softly.
Sonarika didn’t move. Her voice, when it came, was almost a whisper.
"All of this… all this time, I thought I was making choices. But it was living to a sickness that controlled me"
Ragini sat beside her.
"It wasn’t your fault"
Sonarika shook her head slowly.
"You don’t understand. I remember everything now—how it started"
Her eyes stared into the distance, unfocused.
"I was sixteen when I met Rocky. He was my first love… and I couldn’t explain how it started but whatever it was , it began right after the accident. We spent hours together—fucking , exploring each other. I thought it was love, but it was something deeper, something darker. I couldn’t stop wanting him. Even when he ignored me, I kept going back. I didn’t know why. It was like I was addicted to the rush, to the need itself"
She paused, gripping the edge of the sofa.
"When he left… it felt like someone ripped a piece of me out. I cried for weeks, but now I realize , it was not out of heartbreak—out of withdrawal. I couldn’t breathe without that chaos"
Ragini said nothing. She just let the words come.
"And then I met Hemant, everything changed. He was quiet, steady, kind. He was suffering with his darkness just like me and then we forged out lights together. And for the first time since my head injury, I felt peace. I thought, this is it—this is normal. The early days of marriage were warm, full of laughter and… closeness. I thought I was healed"
She smiled faintly, then her expression crumbled.
"But even then, I was the one who kept pushing for more, every night, as if I craved more from him. All my life I believed Hemant was holding back his true form , but in reality , Hemant never saw the real me. My sickness , it was holding me back!"
She took a trembling breath.
"After Karan’s birth, things slowed down. And that frustration started to grow slowly , the same feeling I had when Rocky left me. All this time I thought it was the staleness of our marriage , but turns out it was my sickness clawing its way back to my senses. And then… then Vikram came"
The way she said his name was half regret, half yearning.
"Now I understand why I was so powerless with him. But soon, that familiar fire came back. I told myself it was a deeper feeling, that I was getting something from Vikram that I wasn't getting from Hemant at that time , completeness. But it wasn’t that. It was the same hunger that burned me before, only stronger. It took over everything—my thoughts, my body, my decisions. And I let it"
Tears slid down her cheeks.
"Every time I told myself this is the last time, something inside me laughed. And I would go back. I thought I was in control, but I wasn’t. I was losing myself piece by piece.”
Her hands trembled as she pressed them against her temples.
"There were moments, even in the worst times, when I could feel that pull—to surrender, to stop fighting, to give in no matter what. And now I realize that’s my weakness. That’s what this thing inside me does—it turns pain into temptation.”
She buried her face in her hands, her voice breaking.
"I’m dangerous, Ragini. For everyone. For Hemant, for Vikram, for myself. I destroy whatever loves me. How do you heal something like that? How do you fix a brain that doesn’t know how to stop?"
Ragini reached for her hand, but Sonarika recoiled, shaking her head violently.
"No! Don’t touch me. You shouldn’t even be near me. I don’t deserve any of you"
Then another voice spoke gently from the doorway.
"That’s enough"
Neha stepped into the room, her expression calm but firm.
"You don’t get to decide what you deserve, Sonarika. You get to decide whether you want to heal"
Sonarika lifted her tear-streaked face.
"You don't understand Neha. That night when I was captive under Dilawar , there was a moment when I stopped fighting , my senses going crazy. I thought at that time it was panic , but it was my sickness , I was getting excited to Dilawar's advances , his roughness. The sickness was finding pleasure in it. And I was disgusted beyond myself about it. It's pointless , I am a wreck , I don't deserve redemption. Why would you want to help me?"
"Because you’re not beyond repair" Neha said.
"Your brain can recover. Your patterns can change. This condition doesn’t define your soul, only your chemistry. And chemistry can be treated. More importantly you are now aware of your sickness , we kept it from you because we wanted to know whether you were capable to understand your own problem. But since we learn't you were going overboard with Vikram , we had to step in to help you. This is not the end Sonarika , you can still find your way to heal"
Ragini wiped a tear from Sonarika’s cheek.
"You don’t have to do this alone. You have us now. We’ll walk you through every step, no matter how hard it gets"
Sonarika broke down completely then, sobbing into her hands as Neha and Ragini held her from both sides. It wasn’t just grief—it was the release of years of guilt, of self-loathing, of a truth she’d been too afraid to face.
Between the shudders of her breathing, she whispered.
"I want to be free. Please… I want to be normal”
Neha’s voice was soft but unwavering.
"Then that’s where we’ll start. This is where your true fight begins!"
(CHAPTER TO BE CONTD)
The faint smell of sandalwood filled Ragini’s apartment, calm and soothing, the kind of environment that usually helped Sonarika breathe easier. The evening sunlight fell through the sheer curtains, painting the walls in quiet amber. But today, peace refused to stay. Ragini poured two cups of herbal tea, her movements unhurried, though she could already sense that Sonarika hadn’t come just for small talk. Her friend sat on the couch—stiff, pale, her fingers nervously fidgeting with her bracelet.
"Here" Ragini said softly, handing her the cup.
"You look like you’ve been awake all night. What’s wrong?"
Sonarika hesitated. Her lips trembled as she tried to find the right words. Then, like something snapping, she spoke in a rush.
"I made the same mistake again, Ragini"
Ragini froze, her tea untouched.
"What do you mean?"
Sonarika lowered her eyes, her voice breaking.
"I went back to Vikram. I… slept with him again"
For a moment, silence consumed the room. The ticking clock on the wall grew deafening. Then Ragini set her cup down, her calm cracking into sharp disbelief.
"Sonarika—no. Not again" Her voice was low, angry, trembling with concern.
"You were supposed to be done with it. You knew what it did to you last time"
"I know!" Sonarika cried out, clutching her head.
"I thought I was stronger this time, that I could stay away. But the moment I saw him, I—"
She broke off, breath quivering.
"I couldn’t help it. He has this hold on me, Ragini. I feel like I lose control of my body when he’s near"
Ragini’s face hardened.
"You’re not a child, Sona. You don’t lose control—you let him take it from you. You’re feeding the same wound that’s destroying you"
Tears streamed down Sonarika’s cheeks.
"You don’t understand. I tried everything. Hemant’s tenderness, his gentleness—it feels distant, like a lullaby I can’t hear anymore. And Vikram…"
She swallowed hard, her voice softening into something shameful.
"Vikram tempts me. He’s like gravity. I hate myself for it, but I crave him. His touch silences the noise inside me for a while"
Ragini looked away, fighting her own frustration. When she finally met Sonarika’s eyes, her expression had changed—less angry, more haunted.
"Do you remember what Dr. Neha said about your accident? How your head injury could’ve affected your emotional regulation? The impulsiveness, the dependency?"
Sonarika blinked, confused.
"She mentioned something… about that. But I thought it was just a theory"
Ragini leaned forward, her tone turning serious.
"It’s not just a theory anymore, Sonarika. I’ve seen it. You’re repeating the same pattern no matter how much pain it brings you. That’s not just emotional weakness—it’s neurological. It’s like your mind is addicted to the chaos he gives you"
Sonarika’s eyes widened, her lips parting as the words sank in.
"Addicted? You think I’m addicted to Vikram?"
"I think something’s wrong, yes" Ragini said firmly.
"And we’re not going to fix it with therapy sessions alone. I need you to trust me"
"How?" Sonarika whispered, her voice small.
Ragini stood, walked to her writing desk, and picked up a small notebook filled with scribbles and folded notes. She flipped through a few pages before speaking again.
"Can you take a day off this week?"
"Yes, I can. Why?"
"Because I want to take you somewhere" Ragini said, closing the notebook.
"Somewhere important. Somewhere to finf out about you. We’ll figure this out together—what’s actually happening to you. But I need you to trust me completely"
Sonarika frowned, confused.
"Where are we going?"
Ragini smiled gently but didn’t answer.
"You’ll see when we get there. Just promise me one thing—don’t tell anyone about it. Not Hemant. Not Vikram. Not even Anjali. The fewer people who know, the better"
Sonarika hesitated. There was something strange about Ragini’s tone—not frightening, but heavy, almost secretive.
"Ragini, you’re making this sound serious"
"It is serious" Ragini replied softly.
"But not hopeless. I promise, Sona—whatever this is, we’ll find the root of it. You’ve been fighting yourself long enough. Let me help you understand why"
Sonarika stared at her friend, tears glistening in her eyes.
"I don’t know what I’d do without you"
Ragini smiled faintly and crossed the room to embrace her.
"What are friends for. Just be ready that day. No more running from yourself"
Sonarika nodded against her shoulder, her voice trembling.
"Thank you, Ragini. Really"
Ragini’s arms tightened briefly before letting her go.
"Good. Then we start soon"
As Sonarika gathered her things to leave, she glanced back once more. Ragini stood by the window, watching the fading light with a thoughtful expression. For a brief moment, Sonarika wondered if there was something Ragini wasn’t saying—something behind those careful, knowing eyes.
But then she dismissed it. Ragini had been her savior. Her friend. Her only hope.
ONE FINE DAY
The corridors of Neuro Vision Hospital felt colder than Sonarika expected. White walls, antiseptic smell, distant hum of machines; it all pressed down on her like a silent weight. She clutched her handbag tightly, following Ragini through the glass doors. Inside, a familiar voice called her name. Sonarika turned sharply. Dr. Neha Bharadwaj stood near the reception desk, her calm professional smile in place.
"Neha?" Sonarika blinked.
"What are you doing here? I thought this was just a talk Ragini wanted us to do. Why are we in a hospital?"
Neha’s smile softened.
"It’s time to tell you the truth, Sonarika. We’re not here for a routine checkup. We’re here to understand what’s happening to you"
A flicker of unease rippled through Sonarika’s chest. She looked from Neha to Ragini.
"You both are scaring me. What is this?"
Ragini gently took her arm.
"Come with us. Please. You’re safe"
They led her through a quiet wing of the hospital to a frosted glass door marked Dr. Sangeetha Awasthi, Neurology. Inside, a woman in her late forties with sharp but kind eyes stood waiting, her white coat crisp, her hands clasped.
"Mrs. Sonarika Kumar" Dr. Awasthi said warmly.
"Welcome. I’m Dr. Sangeetha Awasthi. We’ve set everything up already"
"Setup?" Sonarika’s voice cracked.
"For what?"
Dr. Awasthi stepped closer.
"An MRI scan. We need to look at your brain activity in real time. It’s completely safe, I promise"
Sonarika glanced between the three women, fear flickering in her eyes.
"MRI? Why? What’s wrong with me?"
Neha placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Nothing life-threatening. We’re here because we care. Please trust us"
Ragini nodded.
"You’re not alone, Sona. We’re with you, no matter what"
Sonarika bit her lip, trembling slightly.
"Alright. I’ll do it"
Minutes later, she was lying on a padded bed as the MRI machine loomed above her like a white tunnel. The nurse adjusted her head gently, slid her inside. The low, rhythmic thumping of the magnets started. Sonarika closed her eyes, gripping her palms. She felt like she was surrendering herself to some invisible judgment. Upstairs in the observation deck, Dr. Awasthi studied the monitor while Neha and Ragini stood behind her. The scan’s colored images shifted and pulsed. After several tense minutes, Awasthi exhaled slowly, her expression grave.
"You were right, Neha" she murmured.
"The lesion from her old injury hasn’t just persisted—it’s been showing erratic decomposition. Look here, in the prefrontal region… these signals correlate with impulse regulation and sexual drive"
Neha’s jaw tightened.
"This confirms it"
Ragini swallowed hard.
"So it’s not just in her head…"
"No" Awasthi said firmly.
"Her hypersexuality isn’t merely behavioral. It’s neurological"
When the scan ended, Sonarika was led to a private recovery room—soft lighting, a couch, a small table with water. She sat on the edge of the couch, twisting her fingers nervously. All three women stood near the doorway, strangely quiet.
"Why are you all so silent?" Sonarika whispered.
"You’re scaring me. Please… just tell me"
Ragini moved first, sitting beside her. She took Sonarika’s cold hands in hers.
"Sonarika, remember when Neha told you to be cautious with your actions?"
Sonarika nodded faintly. “Yes… she said I should be mindful. Why?”
"Because" Ragini said softly but firmly.
"The things you’ve been doing lately—the impulsiveness, the craving, the choices—they’re not entirely conscious decisions. You’ve been fighting something you didn’t even know was inside you. Something that made you make those reckless decisions"
Sonarika blinked, her breath hitching.
"What are you saying?"
Neha knelt in front of her.
"Sonarika… you’re suffering from something called Cognitive Hypersexuality. It’s a rare condition where damage to certain parts of the brain creates compulsive sexual behavior. In your case, it stems from the head injury you had as a teenager"
Sonarika stared, stunned.
"Head injury…? You mean the grill incident from Delhi? But I was already healed from it!"
Neha nodded.
"Not exactly Sonarika. The injury decomposed and left a lesion. Over time, it’s influenced your impulses. When you were initially recovering from that , whatever feelings and actions you had , the injury amplified it. Those frequent visits to your then-boyfriend, the sexual intensity—it wasn’t just youthful recklessness. It was this condition slowly manifesting.”
Tears welled in Sonarika’s eyes. Neha continued.
"This is the reason you had a mental breakdown when you broke up with Rocky. Because you were being already addicted to the sex and him leaving made you desperate for it"
Sonarika was still overwhelmed with emotions until doubt crossed her mind.
"But…...Hemant? I wasn't addicted to him? We had a normal marriage for years"
"Actually you did , you said to me in our therapy sessions how much both of you had trouble keeping their hands off of each other when you were freshly married. Only difference is Hemant wasn't a full on participant like Rocky or Vikram were. He came in your life with limitations , brought romance in a way you never felt before"
Sonarika remembered it , Neha was showing her the mirror of their marriage. Every kiss , every touch , it wasn't fuelled by intimacy , it was by love. She remembers the first time she had sex and how when he buried himself inside her , she didn't move. Just stared at him , look him in the eyes and felt him. Both their eyes wet with tears because in those moments , it was not just their bodies that were conjoining , but their souls were copulating with each other.
"Hemant gave you a new perspective, a different life lesson you never got. When submission and reliance was your relationship dynamic with Rocky. Hemant brought the domain of responsibility , support and the true meaning of companionship with you. With him , you were no longer being obedient or submissive. You were treated as his equal , a partner"
Neha explained gently.
"His stability, his steadiness—they distracted your brain. Your marriage, even when you believed was actually boring, was actually protecting you. It was a counterweight to the condition"
Ragini’s voice trembled as she added.
"And when Vikram, he triggered the old pathways. Heightened your urges. That’s why you feel so powerless around him—it’s your brain, not your soul"
Sonarika gasped, her whole body trembling. Memories flashed—their honeymoon, the first outdoor intimacy in Goa, the kitchen encounter she believed conceived Karan , the start of Vikram at Jabalpur , countless sex at Galaxy Apartments , trip of Bali , return to Vikram. All those moments of intensity now tinged with a new, horrifying clarity.
"I’m… I’m broken" she whispered.
"I’m sick. Everything I’ve done… it’s me but not me. I’ve destroyed my life. I don’t deserve anything. I’m not worth saving. Maybe I should just—"
"Stop" Neha’s tone was firm but kind. She took Sonarika’s face in her hands.
"This is not a death sentence. You are not a monster. This is a medical condition. It can be treated, managed. But you have to fight. You have to let us help you"
Ragini wrapped her arms around Sonarika from behind.
"We’re here, Sona. All of us. No matter how dark this feels, you’re not alone anymore"
Sonarika sobbed into Ragini’s arms, shaking violently.
"I ruined everything… Hemant, Karan, my marriage, and now even Vikram…"
Neha stroked her hair.
"You’re not ruined. You’re hurt. And hurt people can heal"
For the first time in months, Sonarika let herself be held without resisting. Her tears wet Ragini’s shoulder, but Ragini didn’t move. She held on tighter, as if anchoring her friend to the earth.
"Let’s go home" Ragini said softly.
"My place. You need rest, safety, quiet. We’ll figure out the next step together"
Sonarika nodded weakly. She didn’t have words left. Because right now , her world was turned upside down , realizing that she was always sick and was neither loyal to Hemant nor to Vikram.
Ragini’s apartment was silent except for the soft hum of the ceiling fan. The curtains were half-drawn, letting in slivers of pale afternoon light that painted the floor in uneven lines. Sonarika sat curled up on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, her face pale and blank. Ragini set a glass of water near her.
"Drink a little" she said softly.
Sonarika didn’t move. Her voice, when it came, was almost a whisper.
"All of this… all this time, I thought I was making choices. But it was living to a sickness that controlled me"
Ragini sat beside her.
"It wasn’t your fault"
Sonarika shook her head slowly.
"You don’t understand. I remember everything now—how it started"
Her eyes stared into the distance, unfocused.
"I was sixteen when I met Rocky. He was my first love… and I couldn’t explain how it started but whatever it was , it began right after the accident. We spent hours together—fucking , exploring each other. I thought it was love, but it was something deeper, something darker. I couldn’t stop wanting him. Even when he ignored me, I kept going back. I didn’t know why. It was like I was addicted to the rush, to the need itself"
She paused, gripping the edge of the sofa.
"When he left… it felt like someone ripped a piece of me out. I cried for weeks, but now I realize , it was not out of heartbreak—out of withdrawal. I couldn’t breathe without that chaos"
Ragini said nothing. She just let the words come.
"And then I met Hemant, everything changed. He was quiet, steady, kind. He was suffering with his darkness just like me and then we forged out lights together. And for the first time since my head injury, I felt peace. I thought, this is it—this is normal. The early days of marriage were warm, full of laughter and… closeness. I thought I was healed"
She smiled faintly, then her expression crumbled.
"But even then, I was the one who kept pushing for more, every night, as if I craved more from him. All my life I believed Hemant was holding back his true form , but in reality , Hemant never saw the real me. My sickness , it was holding me back!"
She took a trembling breath.
"After Karan’s birth, things slowed down. And that frustration started to grow slowly , the same feeling I had when Rocky left me. All this time I thought it was the staleness of our marriage , but turns out it was my sickness clawing its way back to my senses. And then… then Vikram came"
The way she said his name was half regret, half yearning.
"Now I understand why I was so powerless with him. But soon, that familiar fire came back. I told myself it was a deeper feeling, that I was getting something from Vikram that I wasn't getting from Hemant at that time , completeness. But it wasn’t that. It was the same hunger that burned me before, only stronger. It took over everything—my thoughts, my body, my decisions. And I let it"
Tears slid down her cheeks.
"Every time I told myself this is the last time, something inside me laughed. And I would go back. I thought I was in control, but I wasn’t. I was losing myself piece by piece.”
Her hands trembled as she pressed them against her temples.
"There were moments, even in the worst times, when I could feel that pull—to surrender, to stop fighting, to give in no matter what. And now I realize that’s my weakness. That’s what this thing inside me does—it turns pain into temptation.”
She buried her face in her hands, her voice breaking.
"I’m dangerous, Ragini. For everyone. For Hemant, for Vikram, for myself. I destroy whatever loves me. How do you heal something like that? How do you fix a brain that doesn’t know how to stop?"
Ragini reached for her hand, but Sonarika recoiled, shaking her head violently.
"No! Don’t touch me. You shouldn’t even be near me. I don’t deserve any of you"
Then another voice spoke gently from the doorway.
"That’s enough"
Neha stepped into the room, her expression calm but firm.
"You don’t get to decide what you deserve, Sonarika. You get to decide whether you want to heal"
Sonarika lifted her tear-streaked face.
"You don't understand Neha. That night when I was captive under Dilawar , there was a moment when I stopped fighting , my senses going crazy. I thought at that time it was panic , but it was my sickness , I was getting excited to Dilawar's advances , his roughness. The sickness was finding pleasure in it. And I was disgusted beyond myself about it. It's pointless , I am a wreck , I don't deserve redemption. Why would you want to help me?"
"Because you’re not beyond repair" Neha said.
"Your brain can recover. Your patterns can change. This condition doesn’t define your soul, only your chemistry. And chemistry can be treated. More importantly you are now aware of your sickness , we kept it from you because we wanted to know whether you were capable to understand your own problem. But since we learn't you were going overboard with Vikram , we had to step in to help you. This is not the end Sonarika , you can still find your way to heal"
Ragini wiped a tear from Sonarika’s cheek.
"You don’t have to do this alone. You have us now. We’ll walk you through every step, no matter how hard it gets"
Sonarika broke down completely then, sobbing into her hands as Neha and Ragini held her from both sides. It wasn’t just grief—it was the release of years of guilt, of self-loathing, of a truth she’d been too afraid to face.
Between the shudders of her breathing, she whispered.
"I want to be free. Please… I want to be normal”
Neha’s voice was soft but unwavering.
"Then that’s where we’ll start. This is where your true fight begins!"
(CHAPTER TO BE CONTD)
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