Xossip Ultimate Story Contest 2014

[Expert]

Andar ki baat

xxxdev

Main Dev chane ki jhar par machan bandh kar so raha tha ki daurte hue ek NHBian aaya .

"Bhai, Tune dekha!!"
Dev:- "Bhai, aankh band karke main sirf Katrina ko dekhta hoon ! Wo tujhe bhi dikhi kya!"

NHBian :- "Bhai, serious baat par mootna chhoro! Xossip ke 10 saal ho gaye aur kisi bhi Admin member ne badhai wala thread nahi khola. Kuchh daal me kala hai; tum pata karu."

"Amma yaar iske karan tere G me kyu patila lag gaya hai." Maine chane ke jhar se thori si tahni tor kar daant kuredate hue bola.

"yaar main kai saalo se Mod banane ki soch raha tha par phaalo ne mujhe MC bhi nahi banaya. main Godpa se sikayat laga kar sidha mod ban jayunga. Tu bas pata kar ki maazra kya hai." NHBian ne jhar par aa baithane ki kosis ki aur hum dono pake phal ki tarah tapak gaye.

"Sa.. !! " Abhi main dhang se use mera uski bahan se rista bhi nahi bata paya tha ki usne eisa offer diya ki main kaam ko mana nahi kar saka aur chhanbin me lag gaya.

Main daur kar kichar ki taraf bhaga. Waha 10-15 bhaise leti adamjaat ki samasya par jugali karti hui vichar kar rahi thi; mujhe dekh kar unhone meri tarf karuna bhari nazaro se dekha aur daya karke apni doome hata kar raasta de diya. Unki mamta dekh kar meri aankho me aanso aa gaye. Maine jaldi se kichar me lotpot lagai aur unke charano me sastang pranam karke kamyabi ki dua maang kar kaam me lag gaya.

Main ek sukhe taar ke per ki chhaya me padmasan laga kar baith gaya aur apna dhyan bhrikuti me jal rahe deepak par laga diya. Pal bhar me hi kichar ki mast khusbu ka saath paa kar mera third eye khul gaya aur mai Xossip me ho rahi gatividhiyo ko chhanbin bali nazaro se ghurne laga. UG ke andar ek parlal dunia basi hui thi. Ab waha ka aankho dekha haal ...

Ek haal se gaane bajane ki awaaz aa rahi thi. Andar present aur past MC mujra kar rahe the aur Sandal Aur Garud wah-wah karte hue note barsa rahe the. Wahi Hamesha sirf ek 2 feet ke lal gamchhi bandhe taari ke nase me tunn hoke MC ka hosla badha ke liye "babua ! Jaa jhar ke" kah raha tha. Tabhi uski nazar ek MC ke lachakte kamar par gai aur wo apne ko taarif karne se rok nahi paaya aur apne nitamb ghuma -ghuma kar gaane lagta hai.

Hey, Kaashi hile Patna Hile(2) Calcutta Hilela
Ke tohri lachke jab kamariya , saari dunia hilela ...

Hamesha ne apni kamriya josh me eisa hilaya ki gamchhi khul kar gir pari par wo bekhabar josh me apni najuk kamriya hilaye jaa raha tha. Us naazare ko dekh kar Sandal aur Garud ubkaiya le rahe the. Jab Sandal se bardast nahi hua to usne gamchhi uthayi aur Hamesha ko deta hua bola,"Bhai, baith jaa; Rohit aaj nahi aayega."

Hamesha ne baat ka hidden meaning samjha aur chup-chap aa ke baith gaya. Muskil se 2 minutes baad wo ek baar fir se MC ke saath kamar hila raha tha; yeh dekh kar Sandal ne scandal banane ke liye MMS banane laga aur Garud apne fulpantiya dosit Rohit ke liye Hamesha ke snaps utarne laga.
Main yaha se aage ki aur nikal para.

Door ek Raajmahal jaise ghar par nazar pari; waha ek adher banda baitha apne saamne rakhe diamond dabbo ko dekh kar khus ho raha tha. Tabhi uska phone baja ! Dusri taraf jalebi ki tarah seedha aur bheriye ki tarah maasum Thermometer tha.

Thermo :- "Meri. Tu kab tak jhaat ke baalo ko color karta rahega. Iss bar Admin team boobSeeker ko sumo banane wali hai. Tu kuchh kar nahi to ..."

Thermo subah-subah apna good deed of day kar ke relax ho gaya par Meri ka hagna-mootna sab band ho gaya aur wo paresaan ho kar Nitin ko phone lagane laga.

Idhar subah-subah Nitin ek khet me ghum-ghum kar tatti kar raha tha aur tarah tarah ki aakriti bana raha tha. Eise paawan kaam ke dauran wo jara bhi disturbance bardast nahi karta tha. Abhi wo apne banayi hui kalakritiyo ka naamkaran bhi nahi kar paya tha ki uska mobile baja.

Nitin ne phone karne wale ke saat pusto se pahle to apna rista jora aur phir apna chineese mobile nikal kar Hallo-Hallo karne laga. Phone bilkul low battery par tha . Nitin ne yeh dekhte hi phone ko tatti ke upar se jaldi-jaldi 10-15 baar gumaya aur phone tatti ke khusbo se thora charge ho gaya. Hallo bolte hi use pata chal gaya dusri taraf Xossip ka sabse bara donor hai jo Sumo banne ke liye kalap raha hai. Uske jee me aa raha tha ki abhi wo 100-150 kg tatti ka gift Meri ko bhej de par Xossip ke khatir usne apne gusse ko pikar Meri ko Samjhaya ki agar usne iss bar ek saath 3 golden dibba jama kar liya to Sumoship wo khud palte me saja kar use dega.

Abhi Nitin ne kunain ki goli ki tarah mithi-mithi baaten Meri se khatam hi ki thi. Use apne se 100 kadamo ki duri par Chakk dikhayi diya. Chakk ko dekhte hi Nitin ke dil me anaar phutne lage. Wo usi halat me “Chakko bhai- Chakko bhai” kahta hua daur para . Chakk usko shocked nazaro se dekhe jaa raha tha. Nitin apne picche tatti ki ek line khichta hua aa raha tha aur uske peeche ek kutta usko saaf karta aa raha tha.

"Faale !! Wahi baith jaa ; main udhar hi aa raha hoo." Chakk jor se chikh kar bola. Uski chikh nikalne ka karan Nitin ki harkart ke aalawa uske peeche laga kutta bhi tha jo taaja khane ke chakkar me source se munh lagaye khara tha.

Khair, Nitin ke baithe hi kutta mayush hokar chala gaya. Jaate jaate wo Chakk ko teerchi nazaro se dekh raha tha aur jee bhar ke kos raha tha. Kutta Chakk ko sharap de gaya ki wo bhi kabhi pangat me khane baithga aur uske saamne se khane ka plate koi eise hi chhin ke le jayega !!

Ab Chakk koi mamuli aadmi to tha nahi wo sabki bhasha jaanta tha isliye use Kutte ki baat turant pata chal gayi. Usne turant apna 50 saal purana saahi purse nikal kar check kiya ki eisi naubat aane par wo hotel me khana kharid sakega ki nahi.

"Ek baat bata ! Tu ghar ke AC wale tiolet chhor ke yaha kyu hag raha hai." Chakk ne Nitin ke kaan khichte hue kaha.
“Bhai !! Aap hamesha mujhe daantte rahte ho. Maine aapko khush karne ke liye Xossip me kitna kaam kiya hai.” Nitin ne munh phulate hue kaha.
Yeh sunate hi Chakk garam tel me pare pani ki tarah phudakne laga.

"Aadhe members ka naam tatti rakh kar unko yaha se bhaga diya aur kah raha hai ki madad ki hai. Faale, yaha gaand ghis gayi thi tab jaa ke itna traffic aaya tha aur tune thullo aur tatti naam dekar aadhe members ko bhaga diya; unme se kuchh ne to alag hi forum khol li ... ... Jee to chahta hai ki tujhe ban kar doo !"
Chakk itne dino se apne dil me bhari bharas nikal raha tha.

"Waise yeh idea tujhe khet me halka hone ka idea sarkaya kisnee?" Chakk ne Urmila ki tarah aankhe nachate hue puchha.
Nitin close friend se daant kha kar subakte hue batane laga.

"Bhai, Kuchh mahine pahle main Rohit ke yaha gaya tha; usni ne subah-subah khet me jaane ka idea diya. Bhai sach me niche se ghaas-fush se sursuri hoti hai to pet bilkul saaf ho jaata hai aur ghaas-fush ki chubhan se jabardast feeling bhi aati hai. Meri constipation ki saari problem solve ho gayi. Main to ghaas-fush ka kam aanand leta hoo par Rohit to ghanto ghaas-fush ke chubhan enjoy karta hai. Isi duran mujhe tatti se payar ho gaya. Ab jab tak enhe dekh nahi leta hoon ; mujhe chain nahi aata aur to aur isse phone ke liye bhi helpful hai. Jara apna 50K wala golden phone nikalna mai abhi demo deta hoo."

Chakk shocked baitha sun raha tha aur bedhyani me usne phone nikal kar Nitin ko de diya par jab Nitin use tatti ke upar ghumane laga ko Chakk ki aankhe uske katore se bahar nikalne ke liye tarapne lagi. Usne kalap kar phone Nitin se chhina aur ankkho se uspar bhale-barchhi chalane laga ; jise dekh kar Nitin bukka phar kar rone laga.

"Bhai, mera phone tatti ke khusbu se hi charge ho jaata hai par aapka nahi ho raha tha ki isliye tatti me daal kar kosis karne wala tha."
Yeh sunate hi Chakk jaldi se phone ko apne underwear me chhupa leta hai aur Nitin ko saam ko adde par milne ko kah kar kalpta hua waha se nikalta hai.
Kuchh dur aage jaa kar jab us se dukh bardarst nahi hota to wo wahi dhool me lot kar vilaap karne lagta hai.

"Durga ; tu kyu chali gayi . Dekh tere pichhe gay logo ne forum hijack kar liya hai. ... .. "

Chakk ka dhool-lotan program dekh kar paas me ghaas char rahe 2 gadhe bhi waha aa gaye. Unhone bina doom wale jantu ko dhool me lotate dekha to uske saath zameen me lotne lage aur Chakk ko pyar se chatne lage. Unhone abhi Chakk ka aunth hi dhang se saaf kiya tha ki Chakk ko hosh aa gaya aur apne paas lotate gadho ko dekh kar thoo-thoo karke waha se bhaga.

Idhar Meri bahut khus hokar apne gullako ko phor kar rupaiye ginne laga. Usne turant hi do golden dabbe kahrid dale par teesre ke liye kafi rupayie kam par rahe the. Pahle socha ki ghar ke jevaro ko bech kar 3ra kharid liya jaye ; par sochte hi use jhatka laga aur use apne pahle eisi kisi harkat ke karan gaand me daale gaye belan ki yaad aa gayi aur dar se behosh hote-hote bacha.

Meri ko tabhi kitchen se kuchh bartan khankne ki aawaz aayi. Use laga ki kisi tarah uske donation ki baat home-ministry ko pata chal gai hai aur ek baar phir belan uske nitambo me rest karne aane wala hai. Wo apne pahle experience se itna dara hua tha ki sar par pair rakh kar ghar se bhag khara hua. Is waqt uske badan par night gown aur ek underwear hi tha aur haan gale me Xossip likhe kai sone ke haar the. Harbarahat me Meri chapple haanth me uthaye ghar ke paas wale chhote jungle me soch-vichaar karne ke liye bhaga jaa raha tha. Harbarahat me use yeh bhi dhyan nahi raha ki wo chappal apne sar par rakh kar bhag raha hai jab tak ki Axba ne use nahi toka.

"Abe, subah-subah kanha marane jaa raha hai" Axba ne apne chir-parichit andaaz se Meri ko greet karte hue kaha.
Axba ki baaten sun kar Meri ki jhatte jal gayi aur wo wahi Axba ki aarti utarne laga.
"Faale, sabziwale tujhe kya maloom nawabo ki kya life hoti hai. Garib kanhi ka!!"
"Haan! Tere jaise nawab hamare yaha Lakhnau me bahutere pare hai." Axba ne apni ungliyo se ek vishesh sign banate hue kaha.
"Abe jaa!! Hum kisi Lakhnau ke mohtaaz nahi hai." Meri ne apne sulgate baalo ko phunk kar bhujhate hue kaha.

"Accha ! Tere yaha har muhalle me gay club hai na!" Axba ne yeh kah kar aur sulga di jiska natija hua ki Meri ka niche ka jungle jal kar bilkul saaf ho gaya. Jise dekhte hi Meri khush ho gaya.

"Yaar, tu mera sachha dosit hai. Main kitne dino se safai karne ko soch raha tha par tune bina mehnat ke saaf kara diya. Bhai har mahine ek baar tu ye sewa kar diya kar."

Axba yeh sunte hi gusse me phupkarne laga.
"Phen... , Abhi Axba ke itne bure din nahi aaye hai ki wo logo ke jhaate saaf karta rahe. Godpa mera pair chhuta hai."
Axba kanhi agli safai se mana naa kar den isliye Meri use manane laga.
"Bhai ! Tu mera sachha dosit hai. Tu to harfanmaula banda hai...."

Meri kuchh der eise hi Axba ke tatte chatta raha tab jaa kar Axba ka gussa saant hua aur wo muskuraya. Dono jaa kar jungle ke andar baith kar baaten karne lage. Axba me Meri ka kandha milte hi apna sadabhara rona suru kar diya ki usse abhi tak mod nahi banaya gaya hai. Iss sab baato me dopahar ho gaya to Meri ne apne matlab ki baat suru ki.

"Bhai, mujhe kuchh rupaiyo ki jaroorat hai; tu to apna bhai hai."
Axba bhi sau kamino me ek tha aur use pahle se hi shaq tha ki Meri jaroor kisi maksad se uske tatte chaat raha hai.
"Dekh bhai, Meri!! Main dhandhe me koi riyayat nahi karta ; are mai to Sulabh Sauchalay waalo se bhi hagne ke paise leta hoo."
Meri yeh sunate hi murjha gaya aur apni jarrorat ke baare me batane laga.
"Meri, main bechne me expert hoo; agar tu kahe to tera saaman bikawa kar tera help kar sakta hoon.

Axba ki baat sunkar mayush Meri marta kya naa karta wale andaaz me taiyar ho gaya aur Meri ki badan se kapre aur gahne ek ek karke OLAX par Sumoship ke bhent chadhne lage.

Meri ke jever aur gown bechne ke baad bhi 50 dollar kam rahe the. Meri ne idhar-udhar dekha aur 2 bare patte tor kar ek dhange se bandh kar pahan liya aur apna underwear le kar Axba ke paas aa gaya.

"Yaar ! Ab sirf yeh chaddhi bach gayi hai. Ise bhi bech daal"
"Abe ! Faale, teri iss purani chaddhi ki kaun 50 dollar dega." Axba ne apna maatha peetate hue kaha.

"yaar ! Yeh karismai chaddhi hai jo maine khaas order de ke banbaya hai. Isme andar se ek choot bana hua hai aur ekdam original baali feeling deta hai." Iske baad Meri ne istemaal karne ka tarika bataya. Yeh dekhte hi Axba ke businessman dimag me saitan ne ek idea sarkaya.

"Dekh Meri. Tu isse OLAX par bechega to sayad kisi tarah se 50 kama lega aur main isse 150 me kharidunga par 50-50 dollar karke tujhe kal aur parso dunga. Aur tu chaahe to 6 mahine baad 200 dekar vapas kahrid lena.” Meri ne socha ki offer accha hai so maan gaya par wo nahi jaanta tha ki Axba us chaddhi se daily 50 dollar kamane wala tha. Axba se lekar Meri ne apna 3sre dabbe ka target pura kiya.

In sabme saam ke 4 baj gaye the. Tab tak Meri ka sumo nasa utarne laga tha aur wo apni ijjat 2 patto me dekh kar apne hosh kho raha tha. Ab wo andhera hone se pahle ghar bhi nahi jaa sakta tha.
"Bhai, yeh maine kaya kar diya ! Tune bhi mujhe nahi roka jabki mera hamdard bana firta hai." Meri ne ruyase swar me kaha.

"Dekh ! Main jhoothi hamdardi nahi dikhata; jab koi dost sucide bhi kar raha hota hai to main sachhe hamdard ki tarah madad karta hoon. Kaiyo ko maine latkane ke liye rassi bhi lake diya hai aur to aur agar koi galat patri par leta ho to maine enquiry se pata karke use sahi patri par bhi litaya hai." Axba ne tunakte hue kaha.

"Yaar ! Tu kuchh rupaiye hi de de taaki main kuchh kapre kharid saku. Main ghar pahunch kar tujhe 3 guna de dunga." Meri ne Axba ke haant pakrte hue kaha.

"Mai tere liye to kya kisi sage ke liye bhi apna usool nahi torunga; mai udhaar ka kaarobar nahi karta hoo. Tu gift ke taur par yeh muli rakh len." Axba ne ek tagra sa patto sahit muli Meri ki aur badhate hue kaha.

"Isko kya main apne gaand me daalo" Meri ni funfunate hue kaha.
"Teri marji !! Bhook lage to kha liyo mahi to andar daal liyo; waise andar daalne par tera pichwara to pattho se dhak hi jayega." Axba ne Meri par meharbani karte hue bataya aur bhaag khara hua.

Meri thori der tak apne chutiyape par aanso bahata raha phir apne fav sumo Japs ko phone lagane laga. Belan ke daar ne use home-ministry ki gifted phone bechne se bacha liya tha.

Japs iss waqt door jungle me ek babool ke per se birthday suit me chamgadar ki tarah ulta latak raha tha aur 10 saal purani ek larki ki photo ko chum kar "Tu meri hai aur tujhe meri hone se koi nahi rok sakta" mantra barbara raha tha. Kal wo Renty ke samagam me gaya tha Renty ne use apne khoye pyar ko paane ke liye yeh ritual bataya tha. 1 lakh me 5 mantra japne baaki the ki phone baja par uske kaan pe juu bhi naa rengi; bhala regti bhi kaise Japs ka chehra pichhe gardan par jo khtam hota tha. Ritual khatam hone ke baad Japs agle ritual ke pahle susta raha tha ki phone phir baja.

"Japa bhai; main tera sabse kaabil mod !! Meri help kar." Dusre taraf Meri kalap raha tha aur abhi usne batana suru bhi nahi kiya tha ki Jpas ne apna jagat-prasidh dailogue bola.

"I don't care!!"
"Bhai, main tera gai ..." Meri ne apne purane sambandho ki duhai dekar phir kosis karni chahi.
"I don't care!!" kah kar Japs ne phone switch off kar diya aur dard bahre swar ne apne phate baans jaise meethe swar me gaane laga.

Dard dilo ke kam ho jaate
Main aur tum gar hum ho jaate
Kitne haseen alam ho jaate
Main aur tum gar hum ho jaate

Agla ritual thora jayada kathin tha. Japs murga bana medhak ki tarah phudak-phudak kar per ka chakkar laga raha tha aur betaal ko uski saat pusto ki aan dila raha tha ki agar betaal ke guu me dam hai to wo use uski premika se mila den aur iske badle wo har amavas ki raat yaha aadhe ghante agle 4 saalo tak mujra karega.

Idhar Meri ke aankho ke saamne andhera chhane laga to usne last try ke roop me Thermo ko ajmaane ki sochi.

Us waqt Thermo ke paas bare-chest bhola-bhala southie COCO ghutno tak lungi pahne baitha tha. Coco ne apne haantho par Sakila aur Apne tattoo is tarah gudwa rakha tha ki baaya haath kehuni se morne par dono ek-dusre ko kiss karte the aur daahina mor kar haanth ek angle par ghumane se Sakila aur Coco sex karne lagte the. Thermo pichhle aadhe ghante se bhole Coco ko viswaas dila raha tha ki usne samaaj seva ka vrat liya hai aur kisi ke madad karne ke liye wo kisi bhi had tak jaa sakta hai. Coco uske baato par viswaas kar Sakila se face to face meeting ke liye apne ko taiyar kar raha tha ki tabhi Meri ka phone aaya aur Meri ne Thermo ko saari situation batayi.

"Meri to ghabra mat!! Main abhi madad bhejta hoon!” Thermo ne Meri ko dilasa deke Coco ki aur dekha aur bataya ki Meri ki problem solve karke wo uski madad karega.
Thermo ne Rohit ko phone lagaya.
"Bhai, no fikar jab Thermo idahr!! Tera handsome man mil gaya!"

Dusre taraf Rohit ki laar handsome man ki khabar sunate hi ghutno tak pahunchne lagi.
"kaun hai !! Kaun hai!!"

"Are wahi tumhara purana saathi, Meri!! Wo tera birthday-suit me jungle me wait kar raha hai. Par abhi bhi apne ko gay manna nahi chahta hai; isliye jab tu us tak pahuchega to na-na karne ka natak karega par tu apne kaam me lag jaana." uske baad Thermo ne Rohit ko jungle ka short-cut bata diya.

Usne aur madad karne ke liye Pondy ko Meri ka MMS banane ka suggestion de diya aur Bakre ko khabar kar di Meri ne muli aur kuchh aur eise patte rakhe hai jiske khane se bakriya hamesa jawan rahegi. Phir kya tha ye dono bhi Meri ka sikar karne nikal pare. Idhar Meri dur se Rohit ki "Hansome Meri ,meri jaan main aa gaya hoon" ki gunj sun raha tha. Wo Rohit se bach kar bhagne ki soch raha ki use dhyan aaya ki bahar bahut saare Rohit uske taak me hoge aur wo wahi baitha aanso bahane laga.

Udhar Coco Thermo ki samaj sewa dekh kar sar par pair rakh kar bhaag khara hua. Thermo piche se "Aei bhai, Aei bhai!! Madad to lete jayo bhai" kahta hua uske peeche bhaga.

Ab mere samjah me aa gaya ki jab tak yeh sab situation control me nahi aayegi tab tak Xossip par bahar nahi aayegi.
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