06-04-2025, 04:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-04-2025, 04:42 PM by Harry Jordan. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
(CHAPTER 6 CONTD)
The next day , Sonarika confronted Meghna with a vengeance. Meghna maintained a stoic face as Sonarika led her to a secluded office room to ensure Privacy.
"WHAT THE HELL MEGHNA"
"What?"
"You told Vicky about Divorce proceedings , enticed him about a marriage with me!"
"I said it as a precaution for future"
"What precaution? You know damn well what Vicky and I have is an affair, and its going to stay that way"
Meghna smugged a smile and then responded.
"Come on Sonarika , we both know its not true"
"I don't care what you think about Hemant Meghna , but you are not separating him from me"
"Then what about Vikram?"
"What we have is special , and that is not your concern"
"You cannot just take the cake and eat it Sonarika. You cannot stand on two boats"
"Enough with the parallels , and I don't care. Sure , what I have with Vicky is definitely a bliss of joy and relief. But Hemant is my calm and peace , and I am not letting him go"
"Don't you think that is a bit unfair to him. Try to understand what I am saying Sonarika , he has always held yourself down. With Vikram you can finally live"
"ENOUGH Meghna , you can no longer dictate what I want in life. Stay out of my life and my choices"
"I am afraid I can't. Because I am trying to protect you"
"Protect me how?"
Meghna took a breather after Sonarika's loud demand. She soon spoke in a calm tone.
"Understand this Sonarika , you seek something wonderful with Vikram and I applaud it. But your actions will indirectly turn Hemant into a victim , and this society , it always favor the victim. Tomorrow if and when the truth comes out , the society , the relatives , friends , family , they will all take his side because he will be the victim and you will be labelled as the responsible one for all the mess. Hemant will get all the attention and comfort from others and you will be left with nothing. But if you manage to do it yourself , it will be you who will be the victim. We can easily paint him as the problem in your separation"
Sonarika was completely stunned by the things Meghna just said , She looked at her in a shock of betrayal.
"Are you kidding me Meghna? You want me to intentionally ruin Hemant's life so I can have that so called "life" with Vikram"
"On paper it sounds bad. But this is not a perfect world , at the end of the day , anyone can be selfish for their own deeds"
"But what makes you think I will do something as dreadful as that"
"Because you love Vikram , and Hemant has no place in your heart anymore"
Sonarika was fuming as Meghna said that. But Meghna didn't budge from her stance as she continued.
"Don't be so surprised Sonarika , its evident Hemant's role in your life is more lower than rock bottom compared to what you have with Vikram"
"ENOUGH Meghna"
"Shouting about it doesn't make it false Sonarika. Your actions already proves it"
"Stay away from my personal life okay? Stop discussing or interfering in my personal life"
"I am sorry , but when it comes to protecting you. I will do what I must , even if you don't like it , I am only acting on your best interests"
"Best Interests? You're talking about not only betraying Hemant but ruining his life and reputation so that I can have my supposed "good time" with Vicky"
"No , I am talking about ensuring you get a good life because you and I both know Hemant won't show any restraint in ruining your life when he finds out"
"Its not happening Meghna , stay out of my personal life. This is my final warning"
"Fine , but know this Sonarika. There is only two ways this will go. Either you will loose one of them or you will have to accept your fate"
"Accept what fate?"
"That in the future....you will be Mouni , Vikram will be your Sagar , and Hemant will be your Kunal"
"STOP IT Meghna. This is my final warning to you , I am struggling with my life choices right now. And at this moment , I don't want advices or manipulations , what I want is a bit of support. Since childhood , I have seen you not just as a friend , but as a sister. I don't want judgement right now , what I want is someone holding me down , making sure someone holds me up when I feel weak. Because right now , I am weak because of my heart and mind. My life is a mess and I know it. There are times where I regret my choices. But Meghna , my family , they are my everything. And right now , I am vulnerable , from all the weight in my shoulders. There is a cascade of emotions , and you questioning me , I get it. I know I am doing a terrible mistake , but this mistake gives me something I missed far long. Please Meghna , for once stop being the champion of Strong women and be my friend"
Sonarika sat on the chair bursting her emotions out crying. Meghna noticed her hurt and emotions as she took the seat beside her and comforted her.
"I am sorry Sonarika. I didn't knew you were in such turmoil. What do you want me to do?"
"I just want someone to comfort me , just someone who could understand me and reduce my pain"
"I am here Sonarika. I will always be here for you"
Sonarika leaned her head to Meghna's shoulder as she sobbed. Meghna comforted her and caressed her head as they spend a good time sitting there. That moment felt special for both of them , because it felt like they were the same childhood friends they were in the landscape of Delhi growing up.
The following two days , Sonarika felt that weight , her thought process was drawn between the two men in her lives. The inner turmoil in her only grew , that weekend when the family went for a small outing in the nearby beach , Sonarika couldn't enjoy it in whole. Her mind was no longer calm , it was a constant wave of thoughts and emotions , the feelings of guilt and feelings , infactuations , frustrations. She wanted a fresh perspective , she wanted to know what someone could see her with her behavior and maybe understand her actions. Sonarika knew Meghna and Mouni was outside that list , because she knew what they think about her. She needed to know it from someone else. And that was when Ragini came into her mind , even though they haven't talked much privately , Sonarika and Ragini have met on countless occasions along with common friends. Even during that interview for The Mirror , Ragini ended up the main highlight of the interview because of her own troubled past.
Sonarika believed Ragini would be the perfect person to discuss her situation. On monday , Sonarika took a half day leave and visited Ragini on her apartment at Vrindavan Heights. Ragini ecstatically greeted her as they had some juice and talked about some social stuff until Sonarika lead the conversation to her interntion.
"Ragini , I believe you might be familiar with....my personal life"
"I don't follow Sonarika"
"You know about....me and Vikram"
Ragini had a grin on her face and then nodded in agreement. What followed was a long half hour narration of Sonarika describing how and when Vikram happened and how their relationship grew to a more dangerous level. How things have evolved between them and how it is right now. Sonarika had a hard time looking at Ragini's face once she was done. She feared the terrible judgement because she knew the gravity of her actions. But when she looked up , she only saw a warm smile on Ragini. Sonarika soon asked.
"This is my life Ragini....tell me , what do you think?"
Ragini took a long sigh as she soon gave a quick response.
"Well on paper, I only have one answer. And that is an answer you won't like"
And just hearing those words , the weight in Sonarika's shoulders felt more. The mass of her guilt only increased and that only made her bunch up in a rubble in her heart. But then Ragini said.
"But life is not a piece of paper , so my judgement doesn't matter Sonarika. But you need to understand one thing"
Sonarika felt the curiosity as she awaited what Ragini had to say.
"I never exactly had a joyous teenage life like others , was raised in a all girls institute so no boyfriends in that timeline. My husband was the one who took my virginity , and for me my marriage was everything. I had dreams and hopes , to love and cherish my man. But the man ended up my worst nightmare. And the moment I learned about his betrayal , it felt like the worst feeling for me. In an instant , the most cherished moments of my life were reduced to nothing. Even my special first night now feels like he was robbing my chastity and pureness for his lust. Nothing hurt me more than his betrayal. Now if that action broke me like this , imagine what would Hemant's reaction be when he finds out"
She sat there listening to Ragini's concern and her perspective. This brought some clarity to her mindset.
"But regardless , this was my experience. And not every woman can have the same experience like me. You must have a reason , so tell me Sonarika. Why? Why were you attracted to Vikram? What made you tempted to him that you were willing to risk your own marriage?"
Then it was Sonarika's turn to put out her feelings. She cleared some of the wetness in her eyes as she talked.
"Vicky" Sonarika said with a smile , Ragini noticed the glow in her face when she said that name.
"Vicky.....he is a dream. An ideal man for any woman , usually we always think a rich man would tend to have some sort of overconfidence or attitude. But Vicky is unique in that sense , he is always focused , committed to his craft and at the same time a man who emits this energy of comfort and similar wavelength. A long forgotten part of me awakens around him , a part that made me feel alive and enjoy life as it was meant to be. With him , its like a world that is perfect. A world where only us exist , our own haven of infactuation , pleasure and all sorts of intertwining. With him I feel a , strange satisfaction and completeness. Every time I visit his house, its like I am stepping into a different world. And these few months , I have grown close to him than I have ever been with anyone. And I hate to admit it but..."
Ragini noticed the change in her expression , as she struggled to speak a bit and then finally continued.
"I hate to admit that Vicky....he has taken me to new heights of sexual pleasure that I have ever experienced in my life!"
Ragini soon felt the honesty in her words , but rather than the excitement , there is a disappointment shown in her face. That showed the difference between the men's performance in intimacy with her.
"And then there is Hemant......I don't think there are words that are enough to describe him. He is my life , my soul , my heart. He brought me up back to my feet when I was in my lowest. I will agree I never saw a life partner in him , but I transformed myself to be a part of him because I wanted him. Every day I would see his face and his wonderful smile before I start my commute to work. And our little ball of love Karan , I have never been more proud of us on raising a wonderful sweet and smart kid , our kid. He is the greatest symbol of our love , he is everything in our life. And even though I did say that Vicky is an ideal man. Hemant is the man for me , and I feel proud and honored that I have a man like him with whom I started this family. I learned to love him and cherish him , I never tried to find a flaw in him , to me personally he is perfect. But then..."
Sonarika started to bring out her emotions and soon she confessed.
"I really wished I never met Vikram , because now in my own mind and heart I am confused and drawn out. I have made a mess of my life and I am afraid , afraid that the future will punish me in the worst way possible. Meghna and Mouni , they want me to divorce Hemant and start a life with Vicky , but I cannot even comprehend something like that"
Ragini calmly listened to her , and then she responded.
"I don't have that kind of experience in love Sonarika. But what I can say based on experience is there is nothing that breaks you more when the person you love cannot love you back anymore"
"That is the problem Ragini , I will admit , I have developed some kind of feelings for Vicky. That I confess , but I also know this simple truth that not even Vicky can love me as much as Hemant does. I see it in his eyes , even this week when he was in his happiest moment , the only way he knew to share it with me was simply kiss me and embrace me. In his eyes , in that depth , I see myself , I see how much I exist in him. But Vicky , he brings out a part of me that was long absent and with him there is nothing but pure bliss and fullfillment for the moment. I am very much confused"
Ragini heard her confessions and comforted her emotions. Soon Ragini asked.
"Okay , how about this. Tell me the biggest memory about them. Lets start with Vikram"
Sonarika rubbed her eyes and returned to her normal expression. Then she spoke.
"Vicky , the best memory was definitely the night when we first became intimate. It was in that hotel suite in Jabalpur in his new hotel. He was remarkable , I never knew I could get this involved in a physical act. What's crazy was the next morning despite the realization in my mind , I looked at a naked Vicky sleeping and he had his boner standing tall. Even though I was overwhelmed by the guilt , I was strangely attracted to him. And once my mind became more accepting of him , its the little moments that make it for me. He is a terrible cook , but he is very much involved with me when I make him breakfast in the morning in our place. He takes me to these expensive places but he never boasts about it to me. In a way he wants to be more involved with me rather than be focusing on others. When we did the dance on my office function , a distant friend of Meghna congratulated me and mistakenly believed that Vicky was my husband. Her reasoning was that she saw the chemistry between us in that dance. And similar instances happened with other people pointing out our chemistry. We have made memories of our moments , our apartment living room walls are slowly getting filled with photos of our relation and every time I look at it , it gives a strange feeling to me. Something that I definitely like. I will be going with him to Bali next week for a short vacation , making more moments. Vicky , he is a bliss , a raw powerful energy that really makes me go nuts and pulse with excitement and amazement"
Ragini noticed the smile on Sonarika's face as she said it. There was a unique smile in her face when she described Vikram. But soon those expressions changed as a sadder and emotional expression engulfed her.
"And then there is Hemant , my sun , my ray of light. He was the warm and bright light that lifted me from my own darkness and made me the woman I am today. When it comes to moments I have lost count , the days when he would massage my feet when I had cramps. Every single food date we went before marriage , my co-workers teased me that me and Hemant arranged our own marriage and they believed I only see a good friend in him. But they were all wrong , ever since I first saw him I knew he was my man. When it comes to behavior , Vikram and Hemant were both similar with their chivalries , only Hemant has talents. He is a far more exceptional cook , infact , I myself learned making some tough dishes from him. Every activities we did , he made sure I was involved in it and never questioned who did how much. For him only results matter and that we enjoy our process. In our early days , he was this big man with muscles but poor fashion choices. Always wore polo shirts with dull colors that made him look like an uncle , but I didn't care. The most memorable moment was when we consumnated our marriage and after that wonderful intimate moment when I lied my head on his chest , I heard his heartbeats and I realized his heartbeats were perfectly in sync with mine. That moment made me realize how we were always meant for each other."
There was a glitter of happiness along with a variety of emotions going through Sonarika's face as Ragini noticed it , making a note of it in her mind. Raginie thought Sonarika was done but immediately Sonarika continued.
"There was a time , it was I believe a year into our marriage. I had fallen severely sick and had to take a half leave from my office and went home. The temperature was climbing terribly and by evening I was flaming hot but I was more concerned in making dinner for Hemant. But then Hemant arrived home from office that day and he immediately forced me to lie in bed and rest when he found out I was sick. He made a warm soup for me to heal myself , it was unfortunately flaming hot , but Hemant sat alongside me and blew on the spoon to cool it and made me eat it. That night I felt more pride and love that I had such a wonderful husband in my life."
Ragini noticed her look on how she was so engulfed when she was talking about Hemant. She again thought Sonarika was done and was about to speak when Sonarika continued stopping her words.
"Hemant has this strange problem , he often has this terrible dreams in his sleep. He often twitches and wails in the night which sometimes worried me. But when I place my hand on him , his twitchings stops and he gets calm like a lake. He then snuggles to me and whatever worries or nightmares he has stops , in a way I feel I give him comfort in that moments. During my pregnancy , Hemant took the conscious decision of sleeping in the guest room because he doesn't wanna hurt me or Karan during my pregnancy phase. I didn't like it but I understood why he did that. But during those times his nightmares were pretty nasty. And I feel sad seeing him suffer many times. He never talks much about his past , but eventually he told me about seeing his fellow soldier die in front of him which he feels guilty about. I felt sad seeing him sleeping in the guest room helpless from the nightmares at night."
Ragini was surprised by the amount of intricate details Sonarika has went when it comes to Hemant. Sonarika soon continued.
"Nothing frustrates you more than child care. My friends told me I will be terribly exhausted raising my child because husbands most times tend to avoid the nurturing part of the baby. But Hemant surprised me there as well , when I have seen men feel puking cleaning the diapers of their children , Hemant did it with focus. Even during late nights when Karan would wake up before I would realize , Hemant will be there taking care of him. He managed to be very involved in taking care of a very young Karan. He will never admit it but he was upset when Karan's first words were mumma not papa. I have seen the teary eyes of him when Karan spoke of it , but he would embrace me in calm and tell me that I did a great job. To which I would say we did a great job"
Ragini felt tears hearing all these good memories from Sonarika's mouth. Soon Sonarika started to show some real emotions and became more teary as she said her final memory.
"And you know the most memorable moment for me regarding him. It was during my labor , when I gave birth to Karan. Both of our families were outside seeing and feeling the infant sight of young Karan but Hemant instead of taking him in his arms , first approached me on my hospital bed. Hemant was crying but they were happy tears , he placed his forehead on mine and caressed my face and embraced me , telling me that he loves me a lot. And that we made a great kid. And right then at that moment , when he cried embracing me with happiness , all the labour pain fatigue and my unhealthiness , it faded in an instance. I still look at the photo we took that day on that hospital on occasion because it symbolized our love to its fullest."
Ragini listened to her words and analysed each of her emotions. Sonarika felt like a weight from her shoulders being lifted off. She looked at Ragini and asked.
"So tell me Ragini , what should I do? My situation is getting out of hand slowly. I feel like I am getting sucked into a darkness where I will suffer for eternity. Please , I need your advice"
Ragini rubber her head and sighed as she finally responded.
"I am not exactly a life coach Sonarika , but judging by my experience I can say is cheating is the worst kind of sin you could do to your partner because you are breaking a trust. And from what I've heard right now , I feel like Hemant is a good man and he doesn't deserve a betrayal from you"
Sonarika was about to respond but Ragini continued.
"However , many people believe that women usually love those with whom they share their happiness and romantic moments with. But in my opinion , it is not true. Women prefer sharing all kinds of emotions with her partner when she is in love. I see the infactuation and attraction you have towards Vikram , I see the glitter in your eyes when you talk about him. But when it comes to Hemant , you went through a cascade of emotions and feelings , showing that Hemant is not just a husband to you , he is your anchor. And I believe you are using Vikram to fill the void where Hemant could not compete with."
Sonarika was speechless , it felt like she was being looked through a magnifying glass. Ragini continued her talk.
"At the end of the day , this is something you personally have to choose Sonarika. All I can say now is there is no happy ending to this scenario. You can only spend the rest of your life with only one man. As for my perspective , I know Vikram since my college days , he is a very humble , loving and respectful man. When he lost Sarika , he was a complete broken shell. I will admit I have only seen him this happy since her death when he is with you. But I should also understand that doesn't make what you are doing right. I cannot be selfish for Vikram. Which is why I can only suggest two ways for you"
Sonarika sat with baited breaths to hear what Ragini's solution is.
"If you are starting to develop feelings towards Vikram and your relationship with him is your happy place , then I prefer you tell the truth to Hemant yourself. Its better breaking that relationship yourself rather than him finding out on his own. It sounds harsh but it is the sane thing to do. Just hope that Hemant is human enough to forgive you and let him walk away. That way Karan can still have his mom and dad and you can live your desired life with Vikram. Trust me when I say this , I don't know whether that is right or wrong. But what is happening to Hemant is something terribly wrong. You keep doing this and one day that darkness will not only break you but him as well. There will be no survivors. A family will be destroyed."
"You too are talking about Divorce?" Sonarika was shaken from that opinion of Ragini.
"It is something inevitalbe Sonarika. But doing this yourself will reduce the damage you might endure. If you are starting to develop feelings for Vikram , do the right thing and separate from Hemant before its too late. He doesn't deserve to be lied upon and kept as a fool. And I've been noticing your behavior lately , and I've started to believe you don't have much feelings for Hemant anymore"
"How can you say that Ragini?" Sonarika said with a slight tone of anger.
"I am saying this from what I see. These past few weeks , I have seen you talk to Karan , talk about Anjali and then talk and behave like a romance fuelled woman around Vikram. Even Meghna and Mouni are betting on each other for the day you dump Hemant for good. In my opinion , you can dump Hemant yourself or.."
"Or what"
"Or you start to see the spark you have with Vikram in Hemant. From what I heard just now , Hemant is doing everything right as a husband. With just a brief narration , all I am thinking is that I wish I had a marriage like you because Hemant is the husband I want in my life. After listening to you , I can understand one thing. You believe that you are faling for Vikram because Vikram is succeeding somewhere Hemant is failing. In bed. What you are going through is a feeling of raw sexual thrill you get with your partner. But your mind is negating the fact that you are being selfish , you are seeking something from Vikram that Hemant seems to cannot give."
Sonarika started to realize what she meant. She already knew the error in her ways but Ragini's words gave her a more clear picture of her choices and what she can do to secure the future. Sonarika rubbed her tears away and gave a smile to Ragini.
"Thank you Ragini , its feels good to talk to you this much. Now I feel less burdened"
"I just gave you my opinion. In the end its your decision , you seem to be stuck between two men according to you. But in my eyes , I only see one man you are genuinly worry about. I hope you know what you are doing Sonarika. Vikram is my friend but I don't feel the urge to betray a nice man like Hemant for him. In my opinion , if I was Hemant's wife , I wouldn't have stopped with Karan. He deserves more children!"
Sonarika laughed to Ragini's talk. This was a much needed talk Sonarika needed. Unlike Meghna where she spoke condescending of Hemant and Mouni who spoke highly of Vikram. Ragini gave a more balanced perspective and somewhat matched her perspective with her men in her life. Sonarika understood the reality now , Vikram is a calling to her for something unpredictable , passionate and thrilling. While Hemant is a place of peace and calm for her. In this growing turmoil , Sonarika saw a glimmer of hope. A hope that one day , everything will be alright. She made a firm grip in her mind that in time she will take a decision and find the right path.
(CHAPTER TO BE CONTD)
The next day , Sonarika confronted Meghna with a vengeance. Meghna maintained a stoic face as Sonarika led her to a secluded office room to ensure Privacy.
"WHAT THE HELL MEGHNA"
"What?"
"You told Vicky about Divorce proceedings , enticed him about a marriage with me!"
"I said it as a precaution for future"
"What precaution? You know damn well what Vicky and I have is an affair, and its going to stay that way"
Meghna smugged a smile and then responded.
"Come on Sonarika , we both know its not true"
"I don't care what you think about Hemant Meghna , but you are not separating him from me"
"Then what about Vikram?"
"What we have is special , and that is not your concern"
"You cannot just take the cake and eat it Sonarika. You cannot stand on two boats"
"Enough with the parallels , and I don't care. Sure , what I have with Vicky is definitely a bliss of joy and relief. But Hemant is my calm and peace , and I am not letting him go"
"Don't you think that is a bit unfair to him. Try to understand what I am saying Sonarika , he has always held yourself down. With Vikram you can finally live"
"ENOUGH Meghna , you can no longer dictate what I want in life. Stay out of my life and my choices"
"I am afraid I can't. Because I am trying to protect you"
"Protect me how?"
Meghna took a breather after Sonarika's loud demand. She soon spoke in a calm tone.
"Understand this Sonarika , you seek something wonderful with Vikram and I applaud it. But your actions will indirectly turn Hemant into a victim , and this society , it always favor the victim. Tomorrow if and when the truth comes out , the society , the relatives , friends , family , they will all take his side because he will be the victim and you will be labelled as the responsible one for all the mess. Hemant will get all the attention and comfort from others and you will be left with nothing. But if you manage to do it yourself , it will be you who will be the victim. We can easily paint him as the problem in your separation"
Sonarika was completely stunned by the things Meghna just said , She looked at her in a shock of betrayal.
"Are you kidding me Meghna? You want me to intentionally ruin Hemant's life so I can have that so called "life" with Vikram"
"On paper it sounds bad. But this is not a perfect world , at the end of the day , anyone can be selfish for their own deeds"
"But what makes you think I will do something as dreadful as that"
"Because you love Vikram , and Hemant has no place in your heart anymore"
Sonarika was fuming as Meghna said that. But Meghna didn't budge from her stance as she continued.
"Don't be so surprised Sonarika , its evident Hemant's role in your life is more lower than rock bottom compared to what you have with Vikram"
"ENOUGH Meghna"
"Shouting about it doesn't make it false Sonarika. Your actions already proves it"
"Stay away from my personal life okay? Stop discussing or interfering in my personal life"
"I am sorry , but when it comes to protecting you. I will do what I must , even if you don't like it , I am only acting on your best interests"
"Best Interests? You're talking about not only betraying Hemant but ruining his life and reputation so that I can have my supposed "good time" with Vicky"
"No , I am talking about ensuring you get a good life because you and I both know Hemant won't show any restraint in ruining your life when he finds out"
"Its not happening Meghna , stay out of my personal life. This is my final warning"
"Fine , but know this Sonarika. There is only two ways this will go. Either you will loose one of them or you will have to accept your fate"
"Accept what fate?"
"That in the future....you will be Mouni , Vikram will be your Sagar , and Hemant will be your Kunal"
"STOP IT Meghna. This is my final warning to you , I am struggling with my life choices right now. And at this moment , I don't want advices or manipulations , what I want is a bit of support. Since childhood , I have seen you not just as a friend , but as a sister. I don't want judgement right now , what I want is someone holding me down , making sure someone holds me up when I feel weak. Because right now , I am weak because of my heart and mind. My life is a mess and I know it. There are times where I regret my choices. But Meghna , my family , they are my everything. And right now , I am vulnerable , from all the weight in my shoulders. There is a cascade of emotions , and you questioning me , I get it. I know I am doing a terrible mistake , but this mistake gives me something I missed far long. Please Meghna , for once stop being the champion of Strong women and be my friend"
Sonarika sat on the chair bursting her emotions out crying. Meghna noticed her hurt and emotions as she took the seat beside her and comforted her.
"I am sorry Sonarika. I didn't knew you were in such turmoil. What do you want me to do?"
"I just want someone to comfort me , just someone who could understand me and reduce my pain"
"I am here Sonarika. I will always be here for you"
Sonarika leaned her head to Meghna's shoulder as she sobbed. Meghna comforted her and caressed her head as they spend a good time sitting there. That moment felt special for both of them , because it felt like they were the same childhood friends they were in the landscape of Delhi growing up.
The following two days , Sonarika felt that weight , her thought process was drawn between the two men in her lives. The inner turmoil in her only grew , that weekend when the family went for a small outing in the nearby beach , Sonarika couldn't enjoy it in whole. Her mind was no longer calm , it was a constant wave of thoughts and emotions , the feelings of guilt and feelings , infactuations , frustrations. She wanted a fresh perspective , she wanted to know what someone could see her with her behavior and maybe understand her actions. Sonarika knew Meghna and Mouni was outside that list , because she knew what they think about her. She needed to know it from someone else. And that was when Ragini came into her mind , even though they haven't talked much privately , Sonarika and Ragini have met on countless occasions along with common friends. Even during that interview for The Mirror , Ragini ended up the main highlight of the interview because of her own troubled past.
Sonarika believed Ragini would be the perfect person to discuss her situation. On monday , Sonarika took a half day leave and visited Ragini on her apartment at Vrindavan Heights. Ragini ecstatically greeted her as they had some juice and talked about some social stuff until Sonarika lead the conversation to her interntion.
"Ragini , I believe you might be familiar with....my personal life"
"I don't follow Sonarika"
"You know about....me and Vikram"
Ragini had a grin on her face and then nodded in agreement. What followed was a long half hour narration of Sonarika describing how and when Vikram happened and how their relationship grew to a more dangerous level. How things have evolved between them and how it is right now. Sonarika had a hard time looking at Ragini's face once she was done. She feared the terrible judgement because she knew the gravity of her actions. But when she looked up , she only saw a warm smile on Ragini. Sonarika soon asked.
"This is my life Ragini....tell me , what do you think?"
Ragini took a long sigh as she soon gave a quick response.
"Well on paper, I only have one answer. And that is an answer you won't like"
And just hearing those words , the weight in Sonarika's shoulders felt more. The mass of her guilt only increased and that only made her bunch up in a rubble in her heart. But then Ragini said.
"But life is not a piece of paper , so my judgement doesn't matter Sonarika. But you need to understand one thing"
Sonarika felt the curiosity as she awaited what Ragini had to say.
"I never exactly had a joyous teenage life like others , was raised in a all girls institute so no boyfriends in that timeline. My husband was the one who took my virginity , and for me my marriage was everything. I had dreams and hopes , to love and cherish my man. But the man ended up my worst nightmare. And the moment I learned about his betrayal , it felt like the worst feeling for me. In an instant , the most cherished moments of my life were reduced to nothing. Even my special first night now feels like he was robbing my chastity and pureness for his lust. Nothing hurt me more than his betrayal. Now if that action broke me like this , imagine what would Hemant's reaction be when he finds out"
She sat there listening to Ragini's concern and her perspective. This brought some clarity to her mindset.
"But regardless , this was my experience. And not every woman can have the same experience like me. You must have a reason , so tell me Sonarika. Why? Why were you attracted to Vikram? What made you tempted to him that you were willing to risk your own marriage?"
Then it was Sonarika's turn to put out her feelings. She cleared some of the wetness in her eyes as she talked.
"Vicky" Sonarika said with a smile , Ragini noticed the glow in her face when she said that name.
"Vicky.....he is a dream. An ideal man for any woman , usually we always think a rich man would tend to have some sort of overconfidence or attitude. But Vicky is unique in that sense , he is always focused , committed to his craft and at the same time a man who emits this energy of comfort and similar wavelength. A long forgotten part of me awakens around him , a part that made me feel alive and enjoy life as it was meant to be. With him , its like a world that is perfect. A world where only us exist , our own haven of infactuation , pleasure and all sorts of intertwining. With him I feel a , strange satisfaction and completeness. Every time I visit his house, its like I am stepping into a different world. And these few months , I have grown close to him than I have ever been with anyone. And I hate to admit it but..."
Ragini noticed the change in her expression , as she struggled to speak a bit and then finally continued.
"I hate to admit that Vicky....he has taken me to new heights of sexual pleasure that I have ever experienced in my life!"
Ragini soon felt the honesty in her words , but rather than the excitement , there is a disappointment shown in her face. That showed the difference between the men's performance in intimacy with her.
"And then there is Hemant......I don't think there are words that are enough to describe him. He is my life , my soul , my heart. He brought me up back to my feet when I was in my lowest. I will agree I never saw a life partner in him , but I transformed myself to be a part of him because I wanted him. Every day I would see his face and his wonderful smile before I start my commute to work. And our little ball of love Karan , I have never been more proud of us on raising a wonderful sweet and smart kid , our kid. He is the greatest symbol of our love , he is everything in our life. And even though I did say that Vicky is an ideal man. Hemant is the man for me , and I feel proud and honored that I have a man like him with whom I started this family. I learned to love him and cherish him , I never tried to find a flaw in him , to me personally he is perfect. But then..."
Sonarika started to bring out her emotions and soon she confessed.
"I really wished I never met Vikram , because now in my own mind and heart I am confused and drawn out. I have made a mess of my life and I am afraid , afraid that the future will punish me in the worst way possible. Meghna and Mouni , they want me to divorce Hemant and start a life with Vicky , but I cannot even comprehend something like that"
Ragini calmly listened to her , and then she responded.
"I don't have that kind of experience in love Sonarika. But what I can say based on experience is there is nothing that breaks you more when the person you love cannot love you back anymore"
"That is the problem Ragini , I will admit , I have developed some kind of feelings for Vicky. That I confess , but I also know this simple truth that not even Vicky can love me as much as Hemant does. I see it in his eyes , even this week when he was in his happiest moment , the only way he knew to share it with me was simply kiss me and embrace me. In his eyes , in that depth , I see myself , I see how much I exist in him. But Vicky , he brings out a part of me that was long absent and with him there is nothing but pure bliss and fullfillment for the moment. I am very much confused"
Ragini heard her confessions and comforted her emotions. Soon Ragini asked.
"Okay , how about this. Tell me the biggest memory about them. Lets start with Vikram"
Sonarika rubbed her eyes and returned to her normal expression. Then she spoke.
"Vicky , the best memory was definitely the night when we first became intimate. It was in that hotel suite in Jabalpur in his new hotel. He was remarkable , I never knew I could get this involved in a physical act. What's crazy was the next morning despite the realization in my mind , I looked at a naked Vicky sleeping and he had his boner standing tall. Even though I was overwhelmed by the guilt , I was strangely attracted to him. And once my mind became more accepting of him , its the little moments that make it for me. He is a terrible cook , but he is very much involved with me when I make him breakfast in the morning in our place. He takes me to these expensive places but he never boasts about it to me. In a way he wants to be more involved with me rather than be focusing on others. When we did the dance on my office function , a distant friend of Meghna congratulated me and mistakenly believed that Vicky was my husband. Her reasoning was that she saw the chemistry between us in that dance. And similar instances happened with other people pointing out our chemistry. We have made memories of our moments , our apartment living room walls are slowly getting filled with photos of our relation and every time I look at it , it gives a strange feeling to me. Something that I definitely like. I will be going with him to Bali next week for a short vacation , making more moments. Vicky , he is a bliss , a raw powerful energy that really makes me go nuts and pulse with excitement and amazement"
Ragini noticed the smile on Sonarika's face as she said it. There was a unique smile in her face when she described Vikram. But soon those expressions changed as a sadder and emotional expression engulfed her.
"And then there is Hemant , my sun , my ray of light. He was the warm and bright light that lifted me from my own darkness and made me the woman I am today. When it comes to moments I have lost count , the days when he would massage my feet when I had cramps. Every single food date we went before marriage , my co-workers teased me that me and Hemant arranged our own marriage and they believed I only see a good friend in him. But they were all wrong , ever since I first saw him I knew he was my man. When it comes to behavior , Vikram and Hemant were both similar with their chivalries , only Hemant has talents. He is a far more exceptional cook , infact , I myself learned making some tough dishes from him. Every activities we did , he made sure I was involved in it and never questioned who did how much. For him only results matter and that we enjoy our process. In our early days , he was this big man with muscles but poor fashion choices. Always wore polo shirts with dull colors that made him look like an uncle , but I didn't care. The most memorable moment was when we consumnated our marriage and after that wonderful intimate moment when I lied my head on his chest , I heard his heartbeats and I realized his heartbeats were perfectly in sync with mine. That moment made me realize how we were always meant for each other."
There was a glitter of happiness along with a variety of emotions going through Sonarika's face as Ragini noticed it , making a note of it in her mind. Raginie thought Sonarika was done but immediately Sonarika continued.
"There was a time , it was I believe a year into our marriage. I had fallen severely sick and had to take a half leave from my office and went home. The temperature was climbing terribly and by evening I was flaming hot but I was more concerned in making dinner for Hemant. But then Hemant arrived home from office that day and he immediately forced me to lie in bed and rest when he found out I was sick. He made a warm soup for me to heal myself , it was unfortunately flaming hot , but Hemant sat alongside me and blew on the spoon to cool it and made me eat it. That night I felt more pride and love that I had such a wonderful husband in my life."
Ragini noticed her look on how she was so engulfed when she was talking about Hemant. She again thought Sonarika was done and was about to speak when Sonarika continued stopping her words.
"Hemant has this strange problem , he often has this terrible dreams in his sleep. He often twitches and wails in the night which sometimes worried me. But when I place my hand on him , his twitchings stops and he gets calm like a lake. He then snuggles to me and whatever worries or nightmares he has stops , in a way I feel I give him comfort in that moments. During my pregnancy , Hemant took the conscious decision of sleeping in the guest room because he doesn't wanna hurt me or Karan during my pregnancy phase. I didn't like it but I understood why he did that. But during those times his nightmares were pretty nasty. And I feel sad seeing him suffer many times. He never talks much about his past , but eventually he told me about seeing his fellow soldier die in front of him which he feels guilty about. I felt sad seeing him sleeping in the guest room helpless from the nightmares at night."
Ragini was surprised by the amount of intricate details Sonarika has went when it comes to Hemant. Sonarika soon continued.
"Nothing frustrates you more than child care. My friends told me I will be terribly exhausted raising my child because husbands most times tend to avoid the nurturing part of the baby. But Hemant surprised me there as well , when I have seen men feel puking cleaning the diapers of their children , Hemant did it with focus. Even during late nights when Karan would wake up before I would realize , Hemant will be there taking care of him. He managed to be very involved in taking care of a very young Karan. He will never admit it but he was upset when Karan's first words were mumma not papa. I have seen the teary eyes of him when Karan spoke of it , but he would embrace me in calm and tell me that I did a great job. To which I would say we did a great job"
Ragini felt tears hearing all these good memories from Sonarika's mouth. Soon Sonarika started to show some real emotions and became more teary as she said her final memory.
"And you know the most memorable moment for me regarding him. It was during my labor , when I gave birth to Karan. Both of our families were outside seeing and feeling the infant sight of young Karan but Hemant instead of taking him in his arms , first approached me on my hospital bed. Hemant was crying but they were happy tears , he placed his forehead on mine and caressed my face and embraced me , telling me that he loves me a lot. And that we made a great kid. And right then at that moment , when he cried embracing me with happiness , all the labour pain fatigue and my unhealthiness , it faded in an instance. I still look at the photo we took that day on that hospital on occasion because it symbolized our love to its fullest."
Ragini listened to her words and analysed each of her emotions. Sonarika felt like a weight from her shoulders being lifted off. She looked at Ragini and asked.
"So tell me Ragini , what should I do? My situation is getting out of hand slowly. I feel like I am getting sucked into a darkness where I will suffer for eternity. Please , I need your advice"
Ragini rubber her head and sighed as she finally responded.
"I am not exactly a life coach Sonarika , but judging by my experience I can say is cheating is the worst kind of sin you could do to your partner because you are breaking a trust. And from what I've heard right now , I feel like Hemant is a good man and he doesn't deserve a betrayal from you"
Sonarika was about to respond but Ragini continued.
"However , many people believe that women usually love those with whom they share their happiness and romantic moments with. But in my opinion , it is not true. Women prefer sharing all kinds of emotions with her partner when she is in love. I see the infactuation and attraction you have towards Vikram , I see the glitter in your eyes when you talk about him. But when it comes to Hemant , you went through a cascade of emotions and feelings , showing that Hemant is not just a husband to you , he is your anchor. And I believe you are using Vikram to fill the void where Hemant could not compete with."
Sonarika was speechless , it felt like she was being looked through a magnifying glass. Ragini continued her talk.
"At the end of the day , this is something you personally have to choose Sonarika. All I can say now is there is no happy ending to this scenario. You can only spend the rest of your life with only one man. As for my perspective , I know Vikram since my college days , he is a very humble , loving and respectful man. When he lost Sarika , he was a complete broken shell. I will admit I have only seen him this happy since her death when he is with you. But I should also understand that doesn't make what you are doing right. I cannot be selfish for Vikram. Which is why I can only suggest two ways for you"
Sonarika sat with baited breaths to hear what Ragini's solution is.
"If you are starting to develop feelings towards Vikram and your relationship with him is your happy place , then I prefer you tell the truth to Hemant yourself. Its better breaking that relationship yourself rather than him finding out on his own. It sounds harsh but it is the sane thing to do. Just hope that Hemant is human enough to forgive you and let him walk away. That way Karan can still have his mom and dad and you can live your desired life with Vikram. Trust me when I say this , I don't know whether that is right or wrong. But what is happening to Hemant is something terribly wrong. You keep doing this and one day that darkness will not only break you but him as well. There will be no survivors. A family will be destroyed."
"You too are talking about Divorce?" Sonarika was shaken from that opinion of Ragini.
"It is something inevitalbe Sonarika. But doing this yourself will reduce the damage you might endure. If you are starting to develop feelings for Vikram , do the right thing and separate from Hemant before its too late. He doesn't deserve to be lied upon and kept as a fool. And I've been noticing your behavior lately , and I've started to believe you don't have much feelings for Hemant anymore"
"How can you say that Ragini?" Sonarika said with a slight tone of anger.
"I am saying this from what I see. These past few weeks , I have seen you talk to Karan , talk about Anjali and then talk and behave like a romance fuelled woman around Vikram. Even Meghna and Mouni are betting on each other for the day you dump Hemant for good. In my opinion , you can dump Hemant yourself or.."
"Or what"
"Or you start to see the spark you have with Vikram in Hemant. From what I heard just now , Hemant is doing everything right as a husband. With just a brief narration , all I am thinking is that I wish I had a marriage like you because Hemant is the husband I want in my life. After listening to you , I can understand one thing. You believe that you are faling for Vikram because Vikram is succeeding somewhere Hemant is failing. In bed. What you are going through is a feeling of raw sexual thrill you get with your partner. But your mind is negating the fact that you are being selfish , you are seeking something from Vikram that Hemant seems to cannot give."
Sonarika started to realize what she meant. She already knew the error in her ways but Ragini's words gave her a more clear picture of her choices and what she can do to secure the future. Sonarika rubbed her tears away and gave a smile to Ragini.
"Thank you Ragini , its feels good to talk to you this much. Now I feel less burdened"
"I just gave you my opinion. In the end its your decision , you seem to be stuck between two men according to you. But in my eyes , I only see one man you are genuinly worry about. I hope you know what you are doing Sonarika. Vikram is my friend but I don't feel the urge to betray a nice man like Hemant for him. In my opinion , if I was Hemant's wife , I wouldn't have stopped with Karan. He deserves more children!"
Sonarika laughed to Ragini's talk. This was a much needed talk Sonarika needed. Unlike Meghna where she spoke condescending of Hemant and Mouni who spoke highly of Vikram. Ragini gave a more balanced perspective and somewhat matched her perspective with her men in her life. Sonarika understood the reality now , Vikram is a calling to her for something unpredictable , passionate and thrilling. While Hemant is a place of peace and calm for her. In this growing turmoil , Sonarika saw a glimmer of hope. A hope that one day , everything will be alright. She made a firm grip in her mind that in time she will take a decision and find the right path.
(CHAPTER TO BE CONTD)
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