Adultery The Rural Posting: Shipra's ordeal.

[eslx1212]

Suraj, a couple of points:

1) It is intriguing that you have introduced a new character, Shrutika Arora. What her story is going to be in Ambruj and how she is going to connect to the main story is something I look forward to reading.

2) I would appreciate if you would take the suggestion earlier given by another reader that you should make it crispier. The conversational lines are often like sermonizing monologues. That is not how people talk. You seem anxious to put everything in the character's mind as words in his/her mouth. The thoughts expressed by them are also repetitive, especially when Patode and Namrata try to brainwash Shipra. Make the lines shorter and punchy. Enable your readers to figure out what's on the speaker's mind.

3) You have trapped the story in a moral dilemma from which it may be difficult to unbind. Shipra says to herself in this latest update that her love is for Alok, not Patode, and that she will choose this path only to liberate herself. Patode and even Namrata have assured her that what they offer is not intended to wreck her marriage. Ok, at least in Namrata's case, we may say she lied. But man, trying to reconcile the saving of marriage, bearing love for Alok and becoming Patode's wanton slut is unworkable. That seems too unrealistic even for fiction.

But let me add that I liked the way you worked around the conflict Shipra was facing by reading the text message sent by Alok. Still, what happened immediately afterwards is not too impressive. But whichever way you take it from here, I eagerly look forward to see how the story is going to proceed. Don't get disheartened by negative comments.