17-01-2025, 09:46 AM
I really like to reiterate that I really love your literature style ClearLover. Your approach of telling the story with limited words while at the same time giving away some intricate details really is quiet wonderful. I also understand from the storyline standpoint that Priya seemed to be the main character considering she is "The Facilitator" in this story. And I now understand the Feminism angle considering it was just a plan from Priya's standpoint to manipulate and ruin Esha's life for good.
However , I still am disappointed with your handling of Kunal although I believe I can understand why. Not much of his character is explored in the story and he is being written off as the collateral between the feud of Priya and Esha. It just seems like he is the character that is meant to suffer the most considering he is being accused of things he has never done and at the same time he is taking the blame for it out of love. After doing the complete read of the story again , I deduced that Kunal is not part of the main story since the major players are Esha , Priya and Aniket. Because these are the characters that have gone back and forth.
Esha has seen the manipulation game of Priya but is lost in her love/lust with Aniket. Aniket cares for Esha and is not going to do things that Esha doesn't want , however he is pushing that envelope now knowing that Esha is willingly letting him to be. And Priya is loving every moment of it , she is conveniently layed the trap and Esha will soon fall into it and her suffering will begin. But the question remains is what is Priya's final motive? Does she want Esha to suffer and ruin her life and legacy? or does she love the role of this 'Facilitator' she is playing in their life? Does she have any plans for Kunal?
Also there is Aditya , who seems to be the one point that makes Esha rethink her choices. The mother is her wants to return to her life but she is conflicted now , she craves the 'freedom' that Aniket apparently gives her , but at the same time she cannot let go Aditya from her life. Also Kunal's absence from the story kind of insinuates the idea that he doesn't have much of a role to play in this story. He is just a convenient character in the story who will just suffer his fate according to how the story progresses.
Once again I iterate I really like the development of your story and I like the characterisation you have given to each characters. And contrary to some popular comments here who wants Kunal to get the "wimpy husband" treatment. I would still propose not to do that , because lately , many stories have done that mistake and it only ruins the base of the story. Your story will be reduced to a "fantasy cuckold roleplay" kind of literature where the whole point of the story would end up being enjoying the cheating wife sex sessions. I highly prefer you build character , and you are doing some good job with that.
Your story kind of reminds me of the Hollywood Movie "A Simple Favor" which was also based of a book. And I see Kunal's character have some similarity with the character Sean in that story. He is the less successful guy who is caught between the blood feud between two women and he too is a father with a son. The difference is that in that story , the wife is the bad guy while here its the outside woman controlling their lives.
I really like your limited words approach to each concept and how you could convey the emotion with few words and make it work. This is truely some great literature work and I will hold off my opinion about the whole story until it completes. For now , I like your style and work on scenarios. My only criticism is the lack of Kunal because I seriously want writers to start treating the husband characters better in stories like this rather than take the usual "wimpy" route and ruin the whole thing.
However , I still am disappointed with your handling of Kunal although I believe I can understand why. Not much of his character is explored in the story and he is being written off as the collateral between the feud of Priya and Esha. It just seems like he is the character that is meant to suffer the most considering he is being accused of things he has never done and at the same time he is taking the blame for it out of love. After doing the complete read of the story again , I deduced that Kunal is not part of the main story since the major players are Esha , Priya and Aniket. Because these are the characters that have gone back and forth.
Esha has seen the manipulation game of Priya but is lost in her love/lust with Aniket. Aniket cares for Esha and is not going to do things that Esha doesn't want , however he is pushing that envelope now knowing that Esha is willingly letting him to be. And Priya is loving every moment of it , she is conveniently layed the trap and Esha will soon fall into it and her suffering will begin. But the question remains is what is Priya's final motive? Does she want Esha to suffer and ruin her life and legacy? or does she love the role of this 'Facilitator' she is playing in their life? Does she have any plans for Kunal?
Also there is Aditya , who seems to be the one point that makes Esha rethink her choices. The mother is her wants to return to her life but she is conflicted now , she craves the 'freedom' that Aniket apparently gives her , but at the same time she cannot let go Aditya from her life. Also Kunal's absence from the story kind of insinuates the idea that he doesn't have much of a role to play in this story. He is just a convenient character in the story who will just suffer his fate according to how the story progresses.
Once again I iterate I really like the development of your story and I like the characterisation you have given to each characters. And contrary to some popular comments here who wants Kunal to get the "wimpy husband" treatment. I would still propose not to do that , because lately , many stories have done that mistake and it only ruins the base of the story. Your story will be reduced to a "fantasy cuckold roleplay" kind of literature where the whole point of the story would end up being enjoying the cheating wife sex sessions. I highly prefer you build character , and you are doing some good job with that.
Your story kind of reminds me of the Hollywood Movie "A Simple Favor" which was also based of a book. And I see Kunal's character have some similarity with the character Sean in that story. He is the less successful guy who is caught between the blood feud between two women and he too is a father with a son. The difference is that in that story , the wife is the bad guy while here its the outside woman controlling their lives.
I really like your limited words approach to each concept and how you could convey the emotion with few words and make it work. This is truely some great literature work and I will hold off my opinion about the whole story until it completes. For now , I like your style and work on scenarios. My only criticism is the lack of Kunal because I seriously want writers to start treating the husband characters better in stories like this rather than take the usual "wimpy" route and ruin the whole thing.
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