Romance An Old Debt has to be Paid..by salir

[RCF]

Thank you for your interst,

I can only give one answer to your questions at this moment, I'm sorry that I can only say: I don't know! I don't know why I acted like that, behaved so ridiculously sometimes, why I was so selfish...

 
I don't even know what would have happened if she hadn't acted like that? What would my reaction have been... would I have really left her despite my love for her?

M. (abbreviated, because her real first name begins with letter M too) always knew what she wanted and how far she would go, but sometimes I didn't know how far I would go... how far I would allow her to go and how far I would approve of and tolerate her behavior. 

She may have known that about me, she always said that she knew me better than I knew myself.

To answer a question about my behavior in relation to a certain situation that has not happened, I must have a lot of knowledge about my psyche! I honestly say that I don't!

I'm glad that I'm not a psychologist or psychatrist by profession, which I find incredibly difficult, but rather I have to deal with tubes in my job! They have an easier job to understand, they have to play a carrier role, carry blood, nutrients and oxygen and bring them to the target organ.
Nevertheless, they are vital! A small, simple vessel can explode or become blocked, and the heart, brain and all other organs and thus life comes to an end!

Nevertheless, I am just a craftsman and nothing more! I clean these tubes or replace them and life goes on…
I know about that because it's not difficult! 
But what about my psyche? No, too complicated!
 
Meena can perhaps analyze her behavior better, she has always been able to do that, at least better than I can do with my behavior and psyche...
 
I have to say about the gift, she is very sensitive... When I admired a car on a TV- crime series, earlier this century (the old Jaguar in the British TV series "Inspector Morse"), she noticed it and years later when she wanted to make a reconciliation attempt (no matter who was to blame for the misery) she gave me a very similar car!
 
Now you know how it is despite incredible relationship turbulence, and while I am 50 and she is 45 (although she looks at least ten years younger and I'm not the only one saying that), we are together and more connected than ever...
 
and love rules our lives..

Be happy and enjoy,

Salir

Thank you for your reply. Sorry to drag you to those memories back again. The reason I needed to know is because you could have lost her that day due to your foolishness. Despite knowing you were part of that whole mess you blamed her singularly and left the house. So wanted to make a point that you were incredibly lucky that day. 
I keep saying this in all the stories I have been interested on this forum whether they are fiction or real events..that Love and Lust are two different entities and never should cross lines against each other. If the person who you love can provide the satisfaction and balance the scale then your lust will not be tested for eternity but if fate intertwines and decides that you have 3rd person able to imbalance that scale and provide the passion and lust that is missing then Lust and Love cross each other. I am glad you saw that your wife loved you more than anything and decided to play along and took back control of your life.

~ RCF