Romance An Old Debt has to be Paid..by salir

[Salir]

Pond Master 19 (3)

 
Nadir Continues:
 
Me:
"Ok. We go on. How come you could orgasm just by a short touching and rubbing
 
so quickly … Normally it takes more minutes even while real sex?"
 
Meena
"Yes, but with him there was the added element of it being forbidden and wrong. I
 
think that made me cum sooner. Sorry... I wasn't proud of what I was doing, and I
 
am not proud of it … I am so sorry..."
Me:
" Admit Meena, this was not a mistake or mistakes, you were really unfaithful. "
 
Meena:
" I am sorry. If you want to divorce me, I completely understand. But I love you
 
and want to spend the rest of my life with you… "
 
Me:
"That's all platitudes until I can ascertain the level of your intimacy with him."
 
Meena:
"Okay.... but let me finish. Also, I can understand if you just want to divorce
 
me and never see me again. I will agree to the divorce on the terms of your
 
choosing, although that divorce will devastate me.
 
But....if you end up divorcing me because of this, I would rather that you did it
 
quickly. And knowing all these details about what happened between me and
 
him... will just make your resentment fester."
 
Me:
"So I should pretend that it never happened?"
 
Meena:
"No, Nadir! You aren't getting me point."
 
Me:
"What is your point?"
 
Meena:
"No! I am not saying that! It happened. I wish I could undo it, but I can't. It
happened."
 
Me:
"Then what is your point?"
 
Meena:
"My point is… I am not the only one who guilty is… but it is useless to discuss
 
it… Never mind, it makes no sense, "
 
Me:
"No, tell me your point."
 
Meena:
"Look Nadir, think about your game or games, and your demand to watch me…
 
In this relation, you see people as just instruments, dolls to play with, and you
 
demand or rather command them to play as you want and you direct... They
 
should play as you wish, and no one can take his or her own will and
 
feelings, seriously.
 
You want to control everything. Is that fair?
 
Don't you see the selfish potential behind it?
 
I've almost always accepted that, I didn't want to lose you, what else could I do?
 
But the others, some don't want that... Some go their own way and if you want to
 
have them in your game you have to accept that, or to leave it…
 
You have to take the risk that at some point something will go wrong with your
 
plans...
 
With me too you have to always keep the risk in mind I am also a human being
 
with weaknesses and strengths and often make mistakes.
 
Maybe even fatal mistakes that require sacrifices or are not correctable and can
 
hurt you.
 
I have warned you so many times, Nadir… I know you, perhaps better than you
 
know yourself, I know that in some cases you take risks whose consequences
 
may be unbearable for you...
 
but you go without considering it, so self-confident and sure of success and yes,
 
at some point catastrophe occurs...
 
I love you so much, Nadir... I don't want to lose you, because that would mean
 
losing myself too...
 
But I accept your decision and if you want, we can go our separate ways...
 
you should just know and remember, when I did something, I basically focused
 
on your game scenario, maybe I missed or lost your game plan somewhere
 
along the way, but you were always there and that was always based on your
 
scenario… Sometimes more, sometimes less…
 
You know better, slips and slides are unavoidable in such a thing, with you high
 
intelligence, your life experience behind you, you had to know that well…
 
You should not only look for the fault and guilt by others, and you should also not
 
start the story from the middle, but read the first pages too, then you can see and
 
recognize the guilty part or parts and his, her or their motives better and more
 
clearly...
 
We both need healing, but to be healed, you have to go deep into your wounds…
 
I was most of all being unfaithful to myself, more than you…
 
We want loving stability from each other, we need someone to make us feel
 
loved, cared for and adored and sometimes we want the excitement from the
 
eyeballs of others, too. This is what makes you and me to think and play our
 
games, in reality your games. 
 
I, as a normal woman, want to be loved consistently and longingly and as a
 
woman I also want people to think I am fun, cool, sexy, attractive, pretty, and
 
more. We all deserve to have fun, but the limits are important. This is not
 
cheating on you, Nadir. This is normal, but the red lines are important. 
 
Perhaps I wanted someone, he to choose me - so much so, but I didn’t lose
 
myself time and time again giving myself to him, doesn't matter if he deserves me
 
or not. For me, I stayed in the territory of your right over me. Perhaps moments of
 
one or two centimetres over the line, but still in your territory…  any part of me
 
was there with you, physical and emotional.
 
I have now really the feeling that I broke your heart into smithereens, and you
 
didn't deserve it, this is a nightmare for me.
 
You think you have found out, that the person you are in love with, betrayed
 
You.
 
But is this so? Did I this to you really? Is this not your false feeling? Is this not
 
vanity and unnecessary and excessive jealousy?
 
I see pained anguish on your face as if you broke down, telling me how much I
 
had hurt you. But did I this so?
 
If you mean I should go to my lover, you mean in the highest way my sexual
 
partner, That's not true either. We don't have a sexual relationship, for me that
 
was a somewhat exaggerated seductive activity on his part, or at least on my
 
part. Maybe and certainly, he wanted more and still wants more…
 
Should I tell you something? in a few months he is migrating to the USA and he
 
definitely wants to take me with him as a life partner or maybe even his wife if I
 
say yes... He loves me and I know that he can be a very pleasant life partner and
 
make every normal woman lucky and providential, he wants and can offer me
 
 everything, not just materially and emotionally, should I go with him? Do you
 
really want this, when you say go to your lover?
 
That hurts me... that hurts me so much Nadir, that pushes me directly into the
 
pain.
 
But as I said, in this moment none of this is important, in this moment I leave the
 
decision to you and how you decide, I will do it, have I ever done anything else in
 
my life?
 
You must not think about me and my feelings, think and decide as you want and
 
your feelings are, just remember, sometimes some decisions cannot be taken
 
back…
 
If at the end of your thinkings and this talking, you come to a conclusion that I
 
am really a cheating wife for you, then it’s useless, our being together has no
 
meaning and sense. " Meena stopped talking and looked into my eyes with moist
 
eyes, waiting.
 
The last sentences were very touching for me, or rather painful.
 
I felt a tightness and pressure in my chest.  
 
I had to get up and leave.
 
I couldn't sit there and speak, anymore. I needed time and rest. My thoughts
 
needed to calm down.
 
I stood up and said, "I have to get upstairs for a minute, I'll be right back, I need a
 
short break, ", and left the room.