12-11-2024, 11:28 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2024, 11:55 PM by xossissippi. Edited 3 times in total. Edited 3 times in total.)
Dear Suraj76626, big fan of your writing!
First of all, a big thank you for your dedication and continuous timely updates to the story. Truly commend worthy. I know you've worked so hard and have created this wonderful story and the passion I can feel it in your writing. You have outdone yourself!
After reading the previous update I must say I have some strong critiques -
I am deeply disappointed with how the things ended up for Shipra, her submission to Patode felt out of the blue, felt very out of character for her and very 'unnecessary'. It did not do justice for the story and for the values upheld by Shipra. The kind of character you had built up for Shipra, it felt you suddenly 'axed' your own creation, in one clean shot. I was baffled by her behavior and was trying to find all the logical explanation for this, was trying to understand what was her motivation behind? - That she was just 'horny'? and couldn't hold it any longer? Hmm that can't be it. She had already faced much hornier situation before and she had won! I had even waited that until the very last moment Namrata would make some noise and save her. Hope the author was not under peer pressure to commence sex scene between Shipra and Patode.
1. I had become your biggest fan when the way you had built Shipra's character that no matter how many challenges are thrown at her, She had used her brain and her courageous heart to win any situation. Just when all the walls were closing in on her, she'd some how find a tiny window of opportunity and come out victorious. That's just good writing and I had became great fan of her character. You had built her up to be the most moral and the most righteous woman. A women who had seen all the wicked games of Patode, the politics of Amruj, the system! How the people of the village are and trying her best to come any situations unscathed of loosing her dignity and morality, that she was the 'perfect dutiful wife'.
2. When there was no romance or no love with her husband, she had fulfilled the role of a pious wife and dutiful mother. Even she had witnessed the live sex between Patode and Namrata, she had not given in, not so easily! Not even with constant efforts of Namrata to break her values! She looked herself above these petty beings and that's what hooked me to this character. After seeing Namrata spread her legs for awfully nobody like Patode, i think Shipra's subconscious already told her "don't become slut no. 2".
3. And with the way the story was progressing, it was very clear that it our beloved Shipra who the main protagonist and Patode is one of the side character ( I understand that initially it was mentioned that it's Mr. Toppo as the mastermind with his accomplice Patode doing his bidding) but as the story progresses and the way Shipra was dodging all of their dirty tactics, it felt like she would be the first character and rest are the side roles. She had consistently made their plan fail all the time and I had liked it. For the very first time Patode's masculinity was questioned and gradually we were seeing that the Patode character was transitioning from Alpha towards your average beta male, he even started dancing like a circus monkey, doing her errands for her and I was fucking loving this transformation, Shipra wielded such Power! with her BEAUTY and her BRAINS that she could transform anyone, even the most Alpha of the Alpha males. Again great, great character building! And story was continuing with this framework that she would reward 'appropriately' and still keep her dignity, it was a perfect balance. I was even convinced that she might have sex with anyone but Patode, lol. Never with someone like Patode, because if she did, then there would be no difference her and Namrata and Shipra knew she can never let that happen. And Patode would one day accept his defeat in front of Mr. Toppo and would experience shame in front of him that his match has finally been met, their grand plan totally collapsing.
4. Now my biggest gripe comes with the last two updates,
i) The first one being the other characters especially Alokk and his friend Hitesh. It was built up that they have some master mind strategy on how to trap Shipra. I had believed that especially that friend ( name ) may be some very brainy guy who had devised an elaborate plan to seduce Shipra since Alokk had already come very close to bedding her. I thought Alokk was going to use the previous experience to do some master seduction but I was quickly disappointed to know that their 'master stroke' is just plain, forced 'r***' attempt. I felt that was just poor utilization of characters who had showed great potential earlier who were capable of seducing Shipra. For me it is very hard to believe that these kids were capable of 'r***' let alone even think about it.
ii) Okay, now that Shipra had gone through that terrible experience of actually coming close to getting 'r***'d' , and after all that mental trauma, how on earth would she be 'ready to have sex' in the next instant? That was just so unnatural and straight up character assassination of Shipra. Any sex and submission of Shipra felt very non-erotic. If it were any other day I would've accepted it, even the brute Patode had enough sense to avoid breaching the subject of sex all together! What a gentlemen i thought. I bet Patode must've thought he couldn't even touch her for another 3-4 weeks, she may need that much time to recover mentally. So with that kind of mental suffering, how did her character switch? So Patode is the main character now?
iii) Just because she was saved by Patode? so she just dropped all her dignity all together and went all the way in? What is her bargaining chip now after this incident? What is the difference between her and Namrata now? that she's now officially his another 'play thing', that he has conquered her, finally! And finally tasted everything that needs to be tasted!... a great news to report to Mr. Toppo! And After this, would Patode even has to respect her? Would she still be able to walk with her signature righteous attitude and moral frame?
iv) Why is Shipra ignoring her husband so much?? What is her husband's fault her to be treated this bad? I bet even someone as trashy as Namrata had phoned in her home or friends many times than Shipra did even once to her husband, even after the poor husband had tried reaching many times.
v) Forget husband, why is Shipra not even acknowledging her own son Aarav. As soon as she moved to Amruj, it seems she doesn't want anything to do with her own child! A bad example of a mother!
vi) Speaking of Namrata, why isn't she leaving back to her hometown. I thought she's staying here only for a few days, for her to settle down. It seems like she's become a permanent resident of the village!
vii) Not that this is important or anything but curious as to know why there's isn't much information on the 'elderly couple'? In whose house these two girls are staying. I'm pretty sure they would probably be concerned with visitors especially during the night times and with the loud thumping noises the two girls keep making during the night times, when the poor old couple are trying their best to sleep! haha. At least the old man should come up top once in a while to check on them as what is going on? (lol you can ignore this last part, just kidding, although the old man can keep an eye on that booty ;))
I personally felt, the story dwelled too much on Shipra - Patode, Patode - Shipra, Patode - Namrata story and their sexual interactions than the actual bigger story of the political drama that is unfolding in the Kasegoan branch. Shipra is supposed to be the main protagonist who is going to help people of Amruj, "traversing along the political drama by using others as a pawn and not become a pawn herself."
I usually don't critique much but I felt after the recent two updates I felt something was off about the way the story is headed, especially when characters break their own ideologies that they stand for and the framework that they set themselves with. Please forgive me if I was too snide with the way I reviewed the story. Much love for the author always!
First of all, a big thank you for your dedication and continuous timely updates to the story. Truly commend worthy. I know you've worked so hard and have created this wonderful story and the passion I can feel it in your writing. You have outdone yourself!
After reading the previous update I must say I have some strong critiques -
I am deeply disappointed with how the things ended up for Shipra, her submission to Patode felt out of the blue, felt very out of character for her and very 'unnecessary'. It did not do justice for the story and for the values upheld by Shipra. The kind of character you had built up for Shipra, it felt you suddenly 'axed' your own creation, in one clean shot. I was baffled by her behavior and was trying to find all the logical explanation for this, was trying to understand what was her motivation behind? - That she was just 'horny'? and couldn't hold it any longer? Hmm that can't be it. She had already faced much hornier situation before and she had won! I had even waited that until the very last moment Namrata would make some noise and save her. Hope the author was not under peer pressure to commence sex scene between Shipra and Patode.
1. I had become your biggest fan when the way you had built Shipra's character that no matter how many challenges are thrown at her, She had used her brain and her courageous heart to win any situation. Just when all the walls were closing in on her, she'd some how find a tiny window of opportunity and come out victorious. That's just good writing and I had became great fan of her character. You had built her up to be the most moral and the most righteous woman. A women who had seen all the wicked games of Patode, the politics of Amruj, the system! How the people of the village are and trying her best to come any situations unscathed of loosing her dignity and morality, that she was the 'perfect dutiful wife'.
2. When there was no romance or no love with her husband, she had fulfilled the role of a pious wife and dutiful mother. Even she had witnessed the live sex between Patode and Namrata, she had not given in, not so easily! Not even with constant efforts of Namrata to break her values! She looked herself above these petty beings and that's what hooked me to this character. After seeing Namrata spread her legs for awfully nobody like Patode, i think Shipra's subconscious already told her "don't become slut no. 2".
3. And with the way the story was progressing, it was very clear that it our beloved Shipra who the main protagonist and Patode is one of the side character ( I understand that initially it was mentioned that it's Mr. Toppo as the mastermind with his accomplice Patode doing his bidding) but as the story progresses and the way Shipra was dodging all of their dirty tactics, it felt like she would be the first character and rest are the side roles. She had consistently made their plan fail all the time and I had liked it. For the very first time Patode's masculinity was questioned and gradually we were seeing that the Patode character was transitioning from Alpha towards your average beta male, he even started dancing like a circus monkey, doing her errands for her and I was fucking loving this transformation, Shipra wielded such Power! with her BEAUTY and her BRAINS that she could transform anyone, even the most Alpha of the Alpha males. Again great, great character building! And story was continuing with this framework that she would reward 'appropriately' and still keep her dignity, it was a perfect balance. I was even convinced that she might have sex with anyone but Patode, lol. Never with someone like Patode, because if she did, then there would be no difference her and Namrata and Shipra knew she can never let that happen. And Patode would one day accept his defeat in front of Mr. Toppo and would experience shame in front of him that his match has finally been met, their grand plan totally collapsing.
4. Now my biggest gripe comes with the last two updates,
i) The first one being the other characters especially Alokk and his friend Hitesh. It was built up that they have some master mind strategy on how to trap Shipra. I had believed that especially that friend ( name ) may be some very brainy guy who had devised an elaborate plan to seduce Shipra since Alokk had already come very close to bedding her. I thought Alokk was going to use the previous experience to do some master seduction but I was quickly disappointed to know that their 'master stroke' is just plain, forced 'r***' attempt. I felt that was just poor utilization of characters who had showed great potential earlier who were capable of seducing Shipra. For me it is very hard to believe that these kids were capable of 'r***' let alone even think about it.
ii) Okay, now that Shipra had gone through that terrible experience of actually coming close to getting 'r***'d' , and after all that mental trauma, how on earth would she be 'ready to have sex' in the next instant? That was just so unnatural and straight up character assassination of Shipra. Any sex and submission of Shipra felt very non-erotic. If it were any other day I would've accepted it, even the brute Patode had enough sense to avoid breaching the subject of sex all together! What a gentlemen i thought. I bet Patode must've thought he couldn't even touch her for another 3-4 weeks, she may need that much time to recover mentally. So with that kind of mental suffering, how did her character switch? So Patode is the main character now?
iii) Just because she was saved by Patode? so she just dropped all her dignity all together and went all the way in? What is her bargaining chip now after this incident? What is the difference between her and Namrata now? that she's now officially his another 'play thing', that he has conquered her, finally! And finally tasted everything that needs to be tasted!... a great news to report to Mr. Toppo! And After this, would Patode even has to respect her? Would she still be able to walk with her signature righteous attitude and moral frame?
iv) Why is Shipra ignoring her husband so much?? What is her husband's fault her to be treated this bad? I bet even someone as trashy as Namrata had phoned in her home or friends many times than Shipra did even once to her husband, even after the poor husband had tried reaching many times.
v) Forget husband, why is Shipra not even acknowledging her own son Aarav. As soon as she moved to Amruj, it seems she doesn't want anything to do with her own child! A bad example of a mother!
vi) Speaking of Namrata, why isn't she leaving back to her hometown. I thought she's staying here only for a few days, for her to settle down. It seems like she's become a permanent resident of the village!
vii) Not that this is important or anything but curious as to know why there's isn't much information on the 'elderly couple'? In whose house these two girls are staying. I'm pretty sure they would probably be concerned with visitors especially during the night times and with the loud thumping noises the two girls keep making during the night times, when the poor old couple are trying their best to sleep! haha. At least the old man should come up top once in a while to check on them as what is going on? (lol you can ignore this last part, just kidding, although the old man can keep an eye on that booty ;))
I personally felt, the story dwelled too much on Shipra - Patode, Patode - Shipra, Patode - Namrata story and their sexual interactions than the actual bigger story of the political drama that is unfolding in the Kasegoan branch. Shipra is supposed to be the main protagonist who is going to help people of Amruj, "traversing along the political drama by using others as a pawn and not become a pawn herself."
I usually don't critique much but I felt after the recent two updates I felt something was off about the way the story is headed, especially when characters break their own ideologies that they stand for and the framework that they set themselves with. Please forgive me if I was too snide with the way I reviewed the story. Much love for the author always!
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