Adultery A husband's mistake

[rahulishere]

I saw Sharath standing at the door. He was one person I hated to see at that moment. He smiled at me. Maybe he was expecting me to invite him inside. I looked at him questioningly.
‘Uhh… Hmm…’ He cleared his throat.
Sharath: Meena mam is not in her flat. I was wondering if she’s with you.
‘mam’ I almost laughed at his respectful mention of Meena akka because I had seen how harshly he treated her when he was doing her. Involuntarily my thoughts went back to the event where he was mercilessly pounding her. I shook my head off the thoughts and looked at him.
Sukanya: She’s not here.
Sharath: Any idea where she went?
Sukanya: Why do you ask me? You could call her.
His face went pale at my rude behaviour. I shut the door and walked back to my bedroom. After I walked back to the bedroom, I thought about the incident. I was shocked at my behaviour. I didn’t even realize what I spoke. I have never spoke so rudely to anyone. I thought about it. I assumed that he was just making excuse to talk to me. Is Meena akka really not in her flat? Even if she’s not in, he could have just made a call to her instead of asking me. Immediately I picked my phone and called Meena akka, but her phone was switched off. I started to feel uneasy. Maybe he was simply not making excuse to talk to me but he was really unable to reach Meena akka. I was already troubled by guilt of the incident at theatre. Now this just added up. I somehow convinced myself that this was not what I should worry about. I need to first absolve myself of the guilt that’s haunting me. I wanted to talk to my husband, but he would be at office, he would be at office. What would I talk to him? Would I be able to dare to confess with him? When I came to think of it, I felt giddy. My head also started to spin. I felt so dizzy that I fell on the bed and shut my eyes in an instant.
I felt a hand on my shoulder.  Through my subconscious mind, I realized that the intruder has returned. I was determined not to let it repeat. I swung my hand hard with my eyes tightly closed. My palm hit a soft cheek so hard that my wrist ached.
‘Ouch.’ I heard a scream. I was happy that I was able to hurt the beast. But suddenly my sense of victory turned into pain. It was my husband’s voice. I opened my eyes and stared at my husband in horror as he stood three feet away with his left hand on his cheek and a gift packed box in another hand.
Husband: I’m so sorry dear. I didn’t realize my act would hurt you so much. Please forgive me.
He fell to his knees and outstretched his right hand. I held my mouth in shock and got out of the bed and knelt before him. I hugged him tightly and buried my face on his neck. He wrapped his outstretched right hand around me. When he felt I was weeping, he was not sure how to console me.
Husband: I’m really sorry dear.
Me: Please don’t say sorry again.
Me: I… I was the one who should apologize.
Husband: You need not apologize dear. It’s your right to hold on to your inhibitions. I know, it’s not right for me to take you that far.
Me: Please don’t be so kind to me. I don’t deserve it.
My husband was confused. He patted the back of my head.
Husband: Don’t you ever think like that. You have done nothing wrong. It was me.
Me: No. I have done a great blunder which even I would not forgive myself.
Husband: In fact, you were perfectly right in refusing my request. I had been thinking very dirty.
 When he said this, I crumbled within. If he thinks that asking such a thing is wrong, what would he think if I told him that I actually did that. He would look at me like shit. He would despise me. I moved back and leaned back on the bed. My face showed how dejected I was.
Husband: Don't worry darling. It will never happen again. I will never trouble you with my stupid fantasies.
I still stayed silent. I was actually trying to speak, but words don’t come out of my mouth. It was very difficult to speak the truth. But it was even difficult to carry the burden. I had resolved to speak the truth, even if he’s going to hate me. I cannot cheat him.
Husband: Please speak something dear. Your silence is killing me.
Me: It’s not you who did a mistake, it was me.
Husband: What? It’s not a mistak…
Me: Let me speak. Please don’t interrupt.
He just nodded. I stayed silent. He kept looking at my face. I nodded and began to speak, but still no words came out of my mouth. He still waited patiently. I have decided not to speak about it now.
Husband: See dear, you can boldly say anything. There is nothing that would make me feel bad about you. NOTHING.
His words gave me immeasurable strength. But I was not sure if he would remain the same after I narrate the incident. I took a deep breath and decided not to back off.
Me: When we went to the movie, you got a call and walked out.
Husband: Yes…
I looked at him in a half stare.
Husband: Sorry. Please proceed.
Me: When you walked out, I was contemplating on your request. I was very upset with you for asking me such a thing on your birthday. You put me in a shaky situation.
I took a short pause and he was eagerly waiting for me to complete.
Me: While I was thinking about it, I felt you near me. A… A mistake happened.
Husband: Did he do something? Bastard.
He said, but again shut his mouth with his hand and raised the other hand in apology for interrupting.
Me: Well… Actually, it was me.
I paused. He stayed silent. I thought he might have got annoyed with what I said, but he had no such feeling of disgust, but anticipation. I knew he’s not going to nudge me to continue.
Me: I thought it was you. I was not comfortable with your request, but also hated to disappoint you on your birthday.
I saw my husband and understood that he was shocked and his heart was beating at fast pace. But he did not show any resentment. I got a feeling he understood what happened next.
Me: I… I… I did a grave mistake.
My husband’s jaw dropped. He understood what mistake I could have done, but he was not sure to what extent I have done. He also didn’t have the heart to prod me further. I shut my face and wept. I was sure he would be angry with me. I wept hard. I felt an embrace. He wrapped his hands around me and pulled me towards him. He hugged me tight and kissed on my cheek.
Husband: Listen dear. Whatever happened, I don’t care. I only care about your happiness. I do not worry about what happened at the theatre. I’m only worried about how you feel about it. If it was a mistake, just forget it. If you are worried about how it will impact me, just listen to this. All that matters to me is your happiness. If you want to make me happy, you just be happy. There’s nothing more I need. All my damn fantasies, they are nothing in comparison with your smile. I’m ready to give up anything for that little curve on your lips. If you want to make me happy, just smile.
I took my hands off my face and stared into his eyes. All these days, I respected him as an obligation to a marriage, but today I love his more than anything else. No matter what happens, I cannot let anything happen to that love. Tears started to roll down my cheeks like a stream of river. I held his shirt with both my hands and kept staring into his eyes. He took his right hand and took to his lips to make a curve and pleaded me to smile in action and turning his face into a sad puppy. I involuntarily smiled and knocked him on his chest. He turned his face into a happy puppy. I laughed through my tears and hugged him tight.
‘I love you.’ I said in a low tone, just audible to him.