10-09-2023, 01:55 PM
Chapter 14 – She makes up her mind
She
I lay there thinking of my situation as I awaited a call from my secret lover. If someone had told me three months ago that I would be pining for sex with a man out of my marriage I would have laughed at him or her. My attitude then was so much different than what I was feeling now. Whenever I read of news of any woman who had cheated on her husband or when I gossiped with my friends when we become aware of any woman we knew who was having an extra marital affair I would be one of the first to condemn such behaviour. My thinking of them was they were of loose morals and contemptuous character but now I myself was one such woman. Maybe I had been too quick to judgement. I really didn’t know what drove those women to seek sexual satisfaction through a man other than their husband. It could be because of an abusive husband, a uncaring or neglectful husband, a husband who was very selfish in sex or a husband who could not meet the reasonable sexual needs of his wife. Lots of women would be in such a marriage but still only very few of them would be willing to or be brave enough to stray from their marriage vows. Even so it was forgivable or at least understandable why some of them sought solace in the arms of another man. Then there were some other women. They had a reasonably caring husband and a reasonably satisfying sexual life with their husbands. But they still sleep with another man because of boredom, wanting to try something different or where circumstances, causes them to give in to their desires when they are suddenly drawn to another man, more likely the man being handsome, more manly in appearance to their husband. This would usually be a spur of the moment thing that leads to a one-night stand or a few brief sexual dalliances. In that short period of time in a sexually charged or erotic setting the sex would be passionate and unrestrained. In many of these sexual mating, though not necessarily all, because of the intense arousal created in that situation the wife would enjoy sexual bliss that would remain in her memory for her lifetime. The relationship would however in most circumstance end with that and the woman would go back to her role as a loyal wife and good homemaker. But in case of very few this situation would only be the start of a long adulterous affair. I had no illusion where I fitted among the various scenarios above.
There was something that I was afraid to admit to even to myself. This sexual affair I was embarking on was not born of just bodily need. In these two months or more how often have I reminiscent not just on the sex we had enjoyed but on the seduction itself, his talk that lit emotions in my heart, his humour and playfulness that made me smile like I hadn’t for a long time. The thoughts were not just of the both of us engaging in the mating of the bodies but of cuddling, of the meaningful looks exchanged. When he messaged that he was ready to accept me and all I had to do was say yes sent a spark of happiness through my heart. I sort of knew I was not his first woman, he was too skilled in the erotic arts for that, but I didn’t want to be just another conquest for him. Another woman who he could tick off in his list. It would make me feel cheap, demean me to think all I meant to him was a body to sate his lust. That said I was in position to think only of my own self and forsake everything to be with him always. I had to think what pain it would cause my parents, I have a sister, how it would affect her marriage, her future. Most of all how it would affect my son. He would be subject to taunts that his mom was a whore and a slut. He would be scarred for life. But still that I was special to Vikram made me very happy. But this betrayal to my husband was worse than if I just needed sexual pleasure alone. In that case it would just be a matter of bodily need. The person giving me that pleasure was just someone to fulfil my needs and he would mean nothing more. But I had developed feelings for Vikram and this type of betrayal was the worst type of betrayal. Not only had the lover taken the body that belonged to the husband he had wormed his way into her heart .. my heart. This would mean I would belong to Vikram completely. I would be in his control and do whatever he wants. My husband is pushed back to number two. My husband’s defeat to my lover then was complete.
The time was just ten fifteen but I had finished everything I had to do and was waiting for Vikram’s call. Every minute I waited I cursed that idiot for making me wait like this, I was so eager to hear his voice again. It was ten thirty now and yet he had not called me yet and I was getting very impatient. I had made him wait for over two months, was he taking revenge by making me wait like this? Hmm .. not likely but what is taking him so long? Finally, my phone rang at ten forty-seven but this time I did not take the call. I didn’t want him to think that I was waiting eagerly for his call. The ringing stopped and after a few seconds it rang again. This time I attended the call after five rings.
“Hi darling, how are you sweetheart.”
My lover’s voice, my darling Vikram’s voice. I was hearing it after more than two months.
“Hello my love, I miss you so much,” was what I wanted to say but instead all I said was “hello.”
“It’s so long since I heart this sweet voice, I missed you terribly my love,” Vikram was saying what I had wanted to say.
My heart simply melted. Involuntary tears welled in my eyes I didn’t know for what reason. With a breaking voice I said,” Why did you have to come in my life Vikram … now you have made me yearn like this.”
“Hey, come on baby don’t cry. I’m going to be there for you anymore.” Hearing me sniffle he continued,” Hearing you cry makes me wish I was there to hold you in my arms and console you Bavani dear.”
I too wished the same thing. If he was here I would give myself into his arms to hold me tightly. “I wanted so much to avoid you but I just couldn’t. I failed .. how did you make me to be like this? You wouldn’t take advantage of my weakness would you Vikram?”
“No dear, I would never do that. I care for you just as much as you do for me. You’re my beautiful love.”
“Thanks, dear I missed you a lot too. I so much want to be in your arms again Vikram darling.”
“Same thing here Baby, I want so much to hold you in my arms and make love to you. You wouldn’t even be able to guess how I suffered these two months.”
“Really Vikram? Did you miss me so much? I’m sure there would have been other women there for you.” Even as I said that I felt intense jealousy to think if indeed he had other women who had been sharing his bed.
“I won’t lie to you my darling,” Vikram said. “I have a woman here who sometimes would want to have sex with me but after you sex with anyone else is tasteless. Since you didn’t want me anymore I tried to forget you by having sex with her but all I got was unsatisfactory sex and frustration.”
Isn’t that what I was doing here. Having lots more sex with my husband in order to forget Vikram. I know how Vikram must have felt. Nothing with my husband could replicate that night of intense joy with Vikram. “Do you really mean it Vikram or are you just saying it?”
“I cannot make you believe what I say but what I say is the truth. Just to get some little satisfaction I had to close my eyes and imagine it was you I was making love to.”
How strikingly similar. I had to imagine I was with Vikram to get satisfaction when having sex with my husband. Though each of us were making love to different partners in a way we were making love to each other.
“I’m sorry dear I made you suffer. I’ll make it up to you,” I said softly. It was practically an open invitation asking him to come and take me. This time when I give myself to him my betrayal of my husband would be complete. Vikram would not only be possessing my body he would be possessing my heart.
“You made me do things I never thought I would do again but I forgive you now that we will be together again.”
I didn’t quite understand what he meant so I asked him,” what are you trying to say?”
“I needed you so much but you refused to even reply to my messages, I was so frustrated I actually masturbated thinking of you to get some relief.”
I laughed out loud on hearing this. Vikram, my darling really wants me so much, I mean so much to him. Even though I laughed wasn’t that what I did last night, finger myself while thinking of him but as a woman how can I tell him that openly like the way he did.
Vikram came to the crucial point. “I need to see you my dear, give me your address.”
I played coy as a woman was wonted to do with her lover. I just would like to be cajoled by him. “What are you going to do here? No, let’s just continue like this .. speak whenever we can.”
“Are you kidding Bavani, how is that ever going to be enough for me?”
“Why? Can’t we be happy that we can continue to keep in touch?” I wanted him to tell me all that he wanted to do to me.
“I must see your lovely face as I talk to you, I must feel that comfortable satisfaction of holding you in my arms, of kissing your sweet lips. After you started talking to me don’t keep me at bay. Don’t punish me like this.”
I smiled at the longing in his voice. It made me feel so special and wanted. I didn’t want him to beg anymore because I wanted the same thing he wanted. “Don’t come to my home, you call me when you are here and I’ll come and meet you.”
“Thank you darling I’ll do that.”
“But I can meet you from around ten thirty in the morning and have to be back home by two thirty in the afternoon. Another thing it can only be on a weekday.” I am giving us around four hours to be together. Will that be four hours of bliss.
“I’m so happy now baby. I have some unavoidable work in my office at the moment. I’ll take leave in a week’s time and come and meet you.”
I was disappointed to hear this. Another week more? I wanted to be with him now. But then I had made him wait for over two months why can’t I wait a week. Our love talk continued for an hour but it seemed to me that it was just like only a few minutes. Now that all the self-raised barriers had all been pulled down we chatted or messaged often during the week. Our chatting progressed from just teasing to erotic. The whole week I was cheerful and also took great care of my husband sexually a few times. He didn’t know the underlying reason he was getting so much of sexual pleasure from me. I had sympathy for him. Since I was going to give myself to my lover once more the least I could do was to do everything I could to keep him happy. The week passed in a whirl. Vikram was going to come here tomorrow. I was going to meet my lover. I knew that whatever the circumstance it was going to somehow end up with us making love once more.
Husband
This last one week I was finally feeling stress free. Bavani who had seemed to be in some confused state of mind was finally back to being my old Bavani. She was much more cheerful now and she was actually conversing with me normally like before we attended the wedding. She was also very loving to me now. From this I deduced that she finally had got some clarity in her mind. The confused stress she was in was just a phase that she had finally overcome. That scoundrel Vikram had affected her somehow. She may have even felt bad that she had become attracted to him and that he had kindled within her desires that she, as a married woman, shouldn’t feel for another man. There must have been a strong attraction which she herself couldn’t understand and her unhappiness these few months must have been her dismay that she had been tempted to commit a sinful act. Even though she did not do anything wrong the fact she may have wanted to would have caused her pain. Now after a struggle within herself she would have come to a conclusion that meeting Vikram was just a chance occurrence. We meet so many people in our lives in passing and we soon forget them as life moves on. Vikram was just another such person. She must have finally reached the emotional stage where she could move on. Now the love and care she was showing me showed she understood the importance of the life we have together. In a way because of Vikram there was a renewal in our own marriage.
In this week we had sex so many times. This was a new Bavani for me. She was unrestrained, very passionate and did everything to make the sex wonderful for us. I believed that I was able to give her pleasure the way she did for me. She attained orgasm quite a few times in this time. I was so happy now that I asked her whether it was time we tried for a second child. She didn’t agree to it and said we should wait for sometime before we tried that. Now I was able to go to work without any worries. I was able to fully concentrate on my work again. I was no more the morose, irritant boss to my staff. The atmosphere in the office was also much better. My subordinates could come and discuss with me the issues they face like the way they used to. This better working environment actually helped the efficiency of work that needed to be done. I realised how important for a man it was to have a good family situation for the happiness of not only him but for everyone around him. I actually cursed myself for my lack of trust in my wife that I had gone to the extent of engaging a private detective to spy on her. I had been thinking that if thinks had not improved at home I may have had to re-engage that detective agency whatever strain that would cause on my finances.
(At the same time that Mohan was happily reflecting like this at work a call came to Bavani. “I’m here baby, where shall I wait for you?”)
She
I lay there thinking of my situation as I awaited a call from my secret lover. If someone had told me three months ago that I would be pining for sex with a man out of my marriage I would have laughed at him or her. My attitude then was so much different than what I was feeling now. Whenever I read of news of any woman who had cheated on her husband or when I gossiped with my friends when we become aware of any woman we knew who was having an extra marital affair I would be one of the first to condemn such behaviour. My thinking of them was they were of loose morals and contemptuous character but now I myself was one such woman. Maybe I had been too quick to judgement. I really didn’t know what drove those women to seek sexual satisfaction through a man other than their husband. It could be because of an abusive husband, a uncaring or neglectful husband, a husband who was very selfish in sex or a husband who could not meet the reasonable sexual needs of his wife. Lots of women would be in such a marriage but still only very few of them would be willing to or be brave enough to stray from their marriage vows. Even so it was forgivable or at least understandable why some of them sought solace in the arms of another man. Then there were some other women. They had a reasonably caring husband and a reasonably satisfying sexual life with their husbands. But they still sleep with another man because of boredom, wanting to try something different or where circumstances, causes them to give in to their desires when they are suddenly drawn to another man, more likely the man being handsome, more manly in appearance to their husband. This would usually be a spur of the moment thing that leads to a one-night stand or a few brief sexual dalliances. In that short period of time in a sexually charged or erotic setting the sex would be passionate and unrestrained. In many of these sexual mating, though not necessarily all, because of the intense arousal created in that situation the wife would enjoy sexual bliss that would remain in her memory for her lifetime. The relationship would however in most circumstance end with that and the woman would go back to her role as a loyal wife and good homemaker. But in case of very few this situation would only be the start of a long adulterous affair. I had no illusion where I fitted among the various scenarios above.
There was something that I was afraid to admit to even to myself. This sexual affair I was embarking on was not born of just bodily need. In these two months or more how often have I reminiscent not just on the sex we had enjoyed but on the seduction itself, his talk that lit emotions in my heart, his humour and playfulness that made me smile like I hadn’t for a long time. The thoughts were not just of the both of us engaging in the mating of the bodies but of cuddling, of the meaningful looks exchanged. When he messaged that he was ready to accept me and all I had to do was say yes sent a spark of happiness through my heart. I sort of knew I was not his first woman, he was too skilled in the erotic arts for that, but I didn’t want to be just another conquest for him. Another woman who he could tick off in his list. It would make me feel cheap, demean me to think all I meant to him was a body to sate his lust. That said I was in position to think only of my own self and forsake everything to be with him always. I had to think what pain it would cause my parents, I have a sister, how it would affect her marriage, her future. Most of all how it would affect my son. He would be subject to taunts that his mom was a whore and a slut. He would be scarred for life. But still that I was special to Vikram made me very happy. But this betrayal to my husband was worse than if I just needed sexual pleasure alone. In that case it would just be a matter of bodily need. The person giving me that pleasure was just someone to fulfil my needs and he would mean nothing more. But I had developed feelings for Vikram and this type of betrayal was the worst type of betrayal. Not only had the lover taken the body that belonged to the husband he had wormed his way into her heart .. my heart. This would mean I would belong to Vikram completely. I would be in his control and do whatever he wants. My husband is pushed back to number two. My husband’s defeat to my lover then was complete.
The time was just ten fifteen but I had finished everything I had to do and was waiting for Vikram’s call. Every minute I waited I cursed that idiot for making me wait like this, I was so eager to hear his voice again. It was ten thirty now and yet he had not called me yet and I was getting very impatient. I had made him wait for over two months, was he taking revenge by making me wait like this? Hmm .. not likely but what is taking him so long? Finally, my phone rang at ten forty-seven but this time I did not take the call. I didn’t want him to think that I was waiting eagerly for his call. The ringing stopped and after a few seconds it rang again. This time I attended the call after five rings.
“Hi darling, how are you sweetheart.”
My lover’s voice, my darling Vikram’s voice. I was hearing it after more than two months.
“Hello my love, I miss you so much,” was what I wanted to say but instead all I said was “hello.”
“It’s so long since I heart this sweet voice, I missed you terribly my love,” Vikram was saying what I had wanted to say.
My heart simply melted. Involuntary tears welled in my eyes I didn’t know for what reason. With a breaking voice I said,” Why did you have to come in my life Vikram … now you have made me yearn like this.”
“Hey, come on baby don’t cry. I’m going to be there for you anymore.” Hearing me sniffle he continued,” Hearing you cry makes me wish I was there to hold you in my arms and console you Bavani dear.”
I too wished the same thing. If he was here I would give myself into his arms to hold me tightly. “I wanted so much to avoid you but I just couldn’t. I failed .. how did you make me to be like this? You wouldn’t take advantage of my weakness would you Vikram?”
“No dear, I would never do that. I care for you just as much as you do for me. You’re my beautiful love.”
“Thanks, dear I missed you a lot too. I so much want to be in your arms again Vikram darling.”
“Same thing here Baby, I want so much to hold you in my arms and make love to you. You wouldn’t even be able to guess how I suffered these two months.”
“Really Vikram? Did you miss me so much? I’m sure there would have been other women there for you.” Even as I said that I felt intense jealousy to think if indeed he had other women who had been sharing his bed.
“I won’t lie to you my darling,” Vikram said. “I have a woman here who sometimes would want to have sex with me but after you sex with anyone else is tasteless. Since you didn’t want me anymore I tried to forget you by having sex with her but all I got was unsatisfactory sex and frustration.”
Isn’t that what I was doing here. Having lots more sex with my husband in order to forget Vikram. I know how Vikram must have felt. Nothing with my husband could replicate that night of intense joy with Vikram. “Do you really mean it Vikram or are you just saying it?”
“I cannot make you believe what I say but what I say is the truth. Just to get some little satisfaction I had to close my eyes and imagine it was you I was making love to.”
How strikingly similar. I had to imagine I was with Vikram to get satisfaction when having sex with my husband. Though each of us were making love to different partners in a way we were making love to each other.
“I’m sorry dear I made you suffer. I’ll make it up to you,” I said softly. It was practically an open invitation asking him to come and take me. This time when I give myself to him my betrayal of my husband would be complete. Vikram would not only be possessing my body he would be possessing my heart.
“You made me do things I never thought I would do again but I forgive you now that we will be together again.”
I didn’t quite understand what he meant so I asked him,” what are you trying to say?”
“I needed you so much but you refused to even reply to my messages, I was so frustrated I actually masturbated thinking of you to get some relief.”
I laughed out loud on hearing this. Vikram, my darling really wants me so much, I mean so much to him. Even though I laughed wasn’t that what I did last night, finger myself while thinking of him but as a woman how can I tell him that openly like the way he did.
Vikram came to the crucial point. “I need to see you my dear, give me your address.”
I played coy as a woman was wonted to do with her lover. I just would like to be cajoled by him. “What are you going to do here? No, let’s just continue like this .. speak whenever we can.”
“Are you kidding Bavani, how is that ever going to be enough for me?”
“Why? Can’t we be happy that we can continue to keep in touch?” I wanted him to tell me all that he wanted to do to me.
“I must see your lovely face as I talk to you, I must feel that comfortable satisfaction of holding you in my arms, of kissing your sweet lips. After you started talking to me don’t keep me at bay. Don’t punish me like this.”
I smiled at the longing in his voice. It made me feel so special and wanted. I didn’t want him to beg anymore because I wanted the same thing he wanted. “Don’t come to my home, you call me when you are here and I’ll come and meet you.”
“Thank you darling I’ll do that.”
“But I can meet you from around ten thirty in the morning and have to be back home by two thirty in the afternoon. Another thing it can only be on a weekday.” I am giving us around four hours to be together. Will that be four hours of bliss.
“I’m so happy now baby. I have some unavoidable work in my office at the moment. I’ll take leave in a week’s time and come and meet you.”
I was disappointed to hear this. Another week more? I wanted to be with him now. But then I had made him wait for over two months why can’t I wait a week. Our love talk continued for an hour but it seemed to me that it was just like only a few minutes. Now that all the self-raised barriers had all been pulled down we chatted or messaged often during the week. Our chatting progressed from just teasing to erotic. The whole week I was cheerful and also took great care of my husband sexually a few times. He didn’t know the underlying reason he was getting so much of sexual pleasure from me. I had sympathy for him. Since I was going to give myself to my lover once more the least I could do was to do everything I could to keep him happy. The week passed in a whirl. Vikram was going to come here tomorrow. I was going to meet my lover. I knew that whatever the circumstance it was going to somehow end up with us making love once more.
Husband
This last one week I was finally feeling stress free. Bavani who had seemed to be in some confused state of mind was finally back to being my old Bavani. She was much more cheerful now and she was actually conversing with me normally like before we attended the wedding. She was also very loving to me now. From this I deduced that she finally had got some clarity in her mind. The confused stress she was in was just a phase that she had finally overcome. That scoundrel Vikram had affected her somehow. She may have even felt bad that she had become attracted to him and that he had kindled within her desires that she, as a married woman, shouldn’t feel for another man. There must have been a strong attraction which she herself couldn’t understand and her unhappiness these few months must have been her dismay that she had been tempted to commit a sinful act. Even though she did not do anything wrong the fact she may have wanted to would have caused her pain. Now after a struggle within herself she would have come to a conclusion that meeting Vikram was just a chance occurrence. We meet so many people in our lives in passing and we soon forget them as life moves on. Vikram was just another such person. She must have finally reached the emotional stage where she could move on. Now the love and care she was showing me showed she understood the importance of the life we have together. In a way because of Vikram there was a renewal in our own marriage.
In this week we had sex so many times. This was a new Bavani for me. She was unrestrained, very passionate and did everything to make the sex wonderful for us. I believed that I was able to give her pleasure the way she did for me. She attained orgasm quite a few times in this time. I was so happy now that I asked her whether it was time we tried for a second child. She didn’t agree to it and said we should wait for sometime before we tried that. Now I was able to go to work without any worries. I was able to fully concentrate on my work again. I was no more the morose, irritant boss to my staff. The atmosphere in the office was also much better. My subordinates could come and discuss with me the issues they face like the way they used to. This better working environment actually helped the efficiency of work that needed to be done. I realised how important for a man it was to have a good family situation for the happiness of not only him but for everyone around him. I actually cursed myself for my lack of trust in my wife that I had gone to the extent of engaging a private detective to spy on her. I had been thinking that if thinks had not improved at home I may have had to re-engage that detective agency whatever strain that would cause on my finances.
(At the same time that Mohan was happily reflecting like this at work a call came to Bavani. “I’m here baby, where shall I wait for you?”)
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