02-05-2023, 09:38 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-05-2023, 09:40 PM by reema4uhoney. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
Chapter- 12 A Bad Dream
A face came close to her ear. “Just take it bitch…this can go easy or hard…but it’s going to go…so just shut the fuck up and take it like the slut you are…” Shubhangi shivered, she would not regain control. She knew it in that moment and something inside of her mind shattered and she travelled back in time...
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…To when Shubhangi was sixteen and she’d a bad cousin sister who did bad things. But Shubhangi was the good one, she was always the good one.
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Shubhangi had not thought of that night in 12 years or more but there it was now. The image of childish self and the illusion of control she created stripped naked before her. The wall of illusion that she’d built over her entire life came crashing down around her. Her whole reality was an illusion, her whole world was gone in an instant of comprehension. She was NEVER in control. Not once in her whole life. No one ever was in control. It was all a lie she told herself.
Life is wonderful.
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“Well…be careful what you wish for young lady…” Shubhangi replied jokingly. They spent the rest of the morning having coffee and chatting. This became their daily tradition on the weekends. They started calling it girl chat, but it quickly became renamed ‘panty chat’ because neither one of them was big on wearing clothes early in the morning on the weekends.
It was dark. That was the first feeling Shubhangi had as she climbed the steps to her apartment. Somewhere in the back of her mind it was the first indication that something was wrong. Usually the stairwell was well lit, but tonight both the lights at the top and bottom of the stairs were out as she made her way home. It was late and although she’d no real indication of time, she knew it must be somewhere well past midnight. Her heels clicked with an ominous metallic sound against the staircase as she climbed. She reached her door and fumbled for her keys, she retrieved them in the darkness and inserted her key into the lock and as she pushed it home, the door gave way with no resistance. ‘That's odd.’ Shubhangi thought realizing her door was left ajar. Any sane person would call the security officer at this point, but she didn’t. She was transfixed by the oddity, and although she didn’t feel fear yet, her whole body tingled with anxiety.
Shubhangi took a deep breath to calm her nerves and told myself ‘I’m in control here.’ She didn’t believe it, but she forced herself to. It was all about control. She’d to be in control, she thought of her mother’s stern face and resolved to be strong. Shubhangi pushed the door open gently into the darkness of her familiar apartment that at this moment did not feel familiar at all. The door squeaked on that one hinge she have been meaning to oil for months, but instead of sounding familiar and comforting, it sounding like the voice of a predator stalking her in the dark.
“This is my apartment…I’m in control…” Shubhangi told herself again, she shivered at the thought but did not know why. Her apartment was like an alien landscape of shadows that she barely recognized. Everything appeared outwardly normal except the feeling she got standing there in the doorway. There was something deeply wrong here. Shubhangi cannot describe the feeling in words, but it was as if her own home no longer felt like her refuge from the world, but a dark and foreboding place where she was trespassing. It was as if the place itself was trying to tell her ‘Get out…it’s bad here…don’t come in…’ But this was about control. Shubhangi knew that on a deep level, she felt it; she would not willingly give it up.
Shubhangi desperately wanted to run away, but instead found herself taking the first tentative steps into her apartment. She could control her fear, she was in control of everything. She felt to her left to reach the light switch and flicked it. Nothing happened.
‘RUN!’ Shubhangi’s brain screamed. But she didn’t, she was in control. Shubhangi took another step into the darkness. Why was she still here?
‘RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!’ the mantra of her mind continued. But Shubhangi couldn’t run, scream for help, even use her cell phone, or any other reasonable thing that she should have done. She was being stupid and she knew it, but she was unable to stop. She took another step and was now inside her apartment. The door stood open behind her; she was only a few feet from the kitchen lights. Two or three more steps separated her from the light and she became obsessed with the idea that if she reached it, she would be safe.
Tingles ran through Shubhangi’s body, she could feel the tension in the air; her anxiety turning to fear, but she was unable to leave. She was drawn into the darkness like a moth to a flame, she took another step toward the kitchen and away from (control) the door. The door slammed behind her; her apartment had just become a cell. Control was fading. Someone was here with her; she could feel his (its) presence. Shubhangi started to turn toward the door when someone from behind her wrapped a gloved hand over her mouth and pulled her hard against his body. Another arm wrapped around her waist immobilizing her, Shubhangi was suddenly deprived of the basic freedom to move, her control dissolved around her. She grasped at it like smoke, but it was fading.
Shubhangi fought in vain to be free until the man slapped her face with an open hand sending stars through her brain and rocking her head back. She tasted blood in her mouth, but not much, the slap was not meant to hurt, but to send a message ‘You’ve lost control to me.’
The stinging pain sent tingles of anxiety through Shubhangi’s whole body; her mind raced although her body could not move. Her attacker pinned her against the wall and she felt his hot breath against her face and neck. Shubhangi was pinned between him and the wall, her breasts flattened against the large man, she kneed at him hoping to get his balls and missed. He slapped her again, harder this time.
“Stop it bitch…I’ll teach you what sluts get…” He growled at Shubhangi in the darkness. Their faces inches apart, she could smell him; he smelled like old spice and sweat, but she could also smell his arousal and satisfaction at taking control from her. Shubhangi can’t describe it, but she could smell his need tangibly. Her fear multiplied 100 times. The smell was reality for her as much as the hands that held her. Shubhangi could barely breathe and could not move, she was dying in her mind; her brain was screaming for sanity in an insane situation. She felt her attacker’s hard cock against her crotch. It was big, hard, and thick.
The man dragged Shubhangi from her living room to her bedroom. It was a blur of grunting darkness as she struggled to free herself from him. He pinned her face down on her own bed, furthering his dominance of her. Shubhangi felt like a butterfly on a stake, she knew what was coming. He would bang her and take all control away. She knew this deep in her soul and shivered at the violation that was happening to her. The loss of control was wrong. Shubhangi was supposed to be in control. She was in control; she could make it stop if she was good enough. But she was out of control, her mind couldn’t process this fact and even in her current predicament she held on to the belief that her bang would not happen and she would be able to assert her control once again.
Shubhangi was pinned face down on her bed, the soft smell of fabric softener that was normally so comforting filled her nostrils. A knee was pinned squarely between her shoulder blades and her arms were bent behind her. Her cheek was pressed against the bed and she screamed her frustration at her situation “Get off me…you fucking pervert…” Shubhangi spat at the man pinning her.
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…To when Shubhangi was sixteen and she’d a bad cousin sister who did bad things. But Shubhangi was the good one, she was always the good one.
Shubhangi remember sitting on the stairs listening to their parents talk. They were scared and frustrated and that scared Shubhangi on a level she was too young to express. Shubhangi’s cousin sister was already a problem and her parents were talking over her.
“She’s a nightmare…and a complete slut…you know she fucked that Jansen boy while his brother watched…they should disown her…what will the world think?” Shubhangi mother ranted.
“Calm down…she is out of control…but she is still a part of our family…they are sending her here…so that she can change…” Shubhangi’s dad replied.
“She’s a fucking whore…let the whole world fuck her…I’m done....and what about Shubhangi? How will she turn out with that whore of a sister around? I swear if Shubhangi turns out to be a slut like her sister…I’ll literally kill her and her whore sister…” Shubhangi mom said and stormed out of the room, Shubhangi father following her saying, “You don’t mean that…”
Shubhangi sat on the stairs stunned at what her mother said about her cousin sister Meera and she shivered in fear at the threat she’d made. Shubhangi curled up wrapping her arms around her knees and put her chin on her knees and rocked slowly back and forth feeling sick to her stomach. What if her mother found out about what Shubhangi sometimes did to herself lying in the dark when everyone else was asleep?
Shubhangi shivered cold imagining her mother’s face if she knew Shubhangi touched herself there. At that moment Shubhangi vowed never again lose control like that, she would stop touching herself. She would stop having those tingly feelings about boys. She would stop, she was in control. Control. Control. Control. She would not disappoint her mother. Shubhangi was good and in control.
And then days later as Shubhangi lie in bed doing what she vowed she would never do. The guilt was overwhelming...
Shubhangi had not thought of that night in 12 years or more but there it was now. The image of childish self and the illusion of control she created stripped naked before her. The wall of illusion that she’d built over her entire life came crashing down around her. Her whole reality was an illusion, her whole world was gone in an instant of comprehension. She was NEVER in control. Not once in her whole life. No one ever was in control. It was all a lie she told herself.
Shubhangi’s clothes were stripped violently from her body as the fabric of her reality was also stripped naked. First her shirt and bra (and illusions) were torn away from her leaving red marks where the fabric bit into her flesh. Then her skirt and finally her panties pulled way, ripping. Shubhangi lay naked under this man as her reality was equally stripped.
A man bangd her body as memories bangd her mind.
The illusion of control that she held on to tightly was gone. Her life flashed across the screen of her mind. All of her experiences good and bad, painful and pleasurable, happy and sad, were all there in an instant. Deep regret filled Shubhangi as she reacted to the images of spending her time with emotions that were the product of an illusion of control, she built for herself. She saw her own psychological pathology and the stupidity of her illusions. She saw the pain her blindness to reality caused herself and in some cases others. She saw the stupidity of all those pointless human emotions that she’d invented to convince herself she was the ‘good one’.
Guilt was the biggest. And in Shubhangi’s epiphany, she let go of it. She let go of it all. Guilt, worry, fear, all left her. She let go and for the first time found freedom in her own heart. She no longer needed control, and to find that remarkable gift was the most important moment of her life. Her eyes were wet with joy of being able to let go of it all. The irony was that she knew she may be living the last moments of her life, and she was filled not with fear or regret, but with joy. The joy of being able to finally let it all go was overwhelming. The joy of being able to see the beauty and joy of her own life, of all life even the most dark and painful was stunningly wonderful. All of her struggles, triumphs, and failures all a part of life was there in that moment and the context of life had changed for her. It was the most spiritually uplifting moment in her life that came at what most people would find the darkest, violent violation. There was even beauty in that.
Shubhangi was rolled over onto her back by the man on top of her. Strong hands found her throat and she let go relaxing; allowing her arms to fall to her sides as she prostrated herself to him and herself. Shubhangi spread her legs widely and let him take her, a hand found her pussy and smeared her with wet lubrication. The feeling of his touch was incredibly unexpected and gentle given the reality of the situation. Fleetingly she thought ‘what kind of rapist lubes his victim so as to not hurt her?’ and then she was lost in the feeling of freedom. She was no longer in control; she was never in control. This was happening and Shubhangi had given herself the freedom to just experience this without trying to think or feel or judge or evaluate the rightness of it. Shubhangi completely let go and submitted to life, both the good and bad. She lay spread open before this man who would take her regardless of how she felt about it. Her arms flat against the bed. She could not see him, but she could see for the first time in her life and nothing could destroy the sanctity of that.
He entered Shubhangi hard and fast, and she groaned at the sudden and forceful intrusion of him into her. Her body reacted and her pussy flooded with her own lubrication as she was able to experience this moment fully. Shubhangi came as he entered her and cried out her pleasure. She gave into him, the moment, and life, all in this act of violent contrition. He fucked her like an animal, thrusting inside her; he slammed his cock in and out of her wet pussy, but it was no longer bang. bang could not happen to her body in this moment for she’d given herself completely over to the situation and willingly submitted to the experience without the guilt she’d carried with her for years.
Shubhangi’s mind was bangd, but that was not an act of sex, but an act of control from which she was finally able to set herself free. The bang had ended with her epiphany. This was about her submission and acceptance of reality. It was no longer about what she let happen or what was forced on her. It was about accepting reality. She now not only accepted the reality, but bathed in its freedom. She submitted to both the man inside her and the woman she was without guilt or fear. Shubhangi wrapped her legs around the man fucking her and pushed hard against him. Feeling him inside her and loving it. She came again harder this time; she could not stop. Orgasm after orgasm washed through her body. Each time she came she erupted in a geyser of fluid and cried out over and over again. Her body flailed on the bed; her pussy sprayed like a hose uncontrollably. Shubhangi felt him cum then. Deep inside her he came, filling her with hot cum. She came again knowing her experience was reaching conclusion. The man above her was panting as he finished using her body. He was inches away from her face, Shubhangi pulled forward slightly and kissed his mouth passionately.
He seemed shocked, but then kissed Shubhangi back. There was something familiar there as their tongues passionately caressed each other’s mouths. In that moment she loved him more deeply than anyone she’d ever known for he had given her freedom by destroying her own illusions and opening her mind to a deeper reality. She no longer needed the control that she’d clung to for more than half her lifetime. It was like waking up for the first time and discovering a world of beauty so intense that it is indescribable. Now the man who had fucked her reached over and clicked on the bedside lamp, and Shubhangi stared into Shakti’s face.
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Shubhangi came awake immediately with a scream and sat up in her bed with her dream dissolving around her. She sat naked and alone in her own room. It was all a dream. She was naked and sweaty, her nipples stood like erasers and her bed sheets were soaked with her own secretions. She’d cum more than once in her sleep. Shubhangi took deep calming breaths and lay back in her bed, the intensity of that dream was incredible and it left her singularly out of phase with her waking reality. She was crying softly, she felt cleansed. The guilt was gone as she understood why she was afraid of The Game. She was losing the control, she needed for so long. The fear was gone with the guilt and for the first time in a long, long time she was able to enjoy the passion and intensity of her own sexuality without guilt. She felt she could finally have her cake and eat it too. The Game could continue and it would continue, and she would allow herself to drink in every new and unique experience it brought without fear, regret, or guilt.
And in that moment, Shubhangi was happier than she’d ever been in her life. She didn’t know where she and Shakti were heading. She didn’t know if she would lose him. But although she cared what happened, she no longer feared the possibilities. She’d found herself somehow, and she was in awe beauty of her life that she’d been blind to. She’d found a new context for her life, and she chose to live in it, not in fear from it.
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Richa knocked on Shubhangi’s door, Shubhangi threw her sheet over her naked body an instant before the door cracked. “Are you okay, Aunt Shu?” Richa asked with genuine concern on her face.
Shubhangi smiled as best she could and said “Yeah…just had a bad dream…I’ll be out in a minute…make some coffee would you…”
Richa looked at Shubhangi uncertainly and said “Sure thing.” And then she was gone. Shubhangi got out of bed and showered quickly. The dream and its intensity faded quickly, but not her resulting view on reality. Something about her had fundamentally changed. She felt very peaceful about her life and everything about and around her. She knew it sounds strange, but even though it was only a dream, the transformation of her reality was very real. After she showered, she felt refreshed and alive. Shubhangi put on a robe over her naked body and met her niece Richa in the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Richa was wearing a pair of white cotton panties and a t-shirt she’d obviously slept in. Richa handed Shubhangi a cup of coffee and sat at the table across from her.
“Are you really okay, Aunt Shu?” Richa asked.
“I’m absolutely wonderful…I just had a dream that scared me a little bit…” Shubhangi said truthfully.
“Oh okay…it sounded like someone was killing you in there…” Richa said still concerned. Shubhangi didn’t realize that she was actually screaming in her sleep, but it didn’t surprise her. Shubhangi reached across the table and took Richa’s hand “It’s okay really…I just had a dream. I am fine…sorry if I scared you…”
Richa smiled as she saw the sincerity in Shubhangi’s eyes and accepted that she really was okay. Richa smiled and said “What was the dream about?”
Shubhangi stared at Richa and said “Well that is kind of personal.” Shubhangi could not lie to her, but she was not sure Richa would want to hear that she dreamed of being bangd. It might scare her and Shubhangi was not sure Richa was mature enough to understand the context of her dream without more background than she was ready to give.
Richa smiled interpreting Shubhangi’s answer incorrectly “Well…I hope he was good…it sounded like you were sure enjoying it…I was afraid of what I might see…when I opened the door…” Her eyes twinkled at the innuendo.
Richa thought Shubhangi was masturbating. Shubhangi laughed at the thought and said “Well you know a girl's gotta be able to take care of herself when she has to…I must have forgotten… I don’t live alone anymore…”
Richa turned crimson at Shubhangi’s acknowledgement of Richa hearing her cum. The fact was Richa probably had even though the context was wrong. Shubhangi was sure this is the first time Richa had ever talked about such a taboo subject and she was enjoying watching Richa squirm a little in her obvious discomfort. Where Richa came from good girls didn’t talk about such things, even though they all did them.
Shubhangi laughed again and said “Lighten up…everyone does it so why pretend it’s not true? There are only two types of people in the world: Those who masturbate and those who lie…”
Richa laughed at that and caused coffee to spray from her nose, Shubhangi laughed at her as Richa coughed and wiped coffee from her face also laughing.
When the laughing stopped, Shubhangi told Richa seriously “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you… it really was a dream…I can’t promise it won’t happen again…but it was the first time it has ever happened…I doubt there will be a repeat anytime soon…”
“You didn’t embarrass me…it’s just I’ve never heard anyone else…well you know…do ‘that’ before…I thought you would be embarrassed…” Richa admitted flushed.
“Well…maybe I should be…but I’ve a new outlook on life today and things like that don’t bother me anymore…” Shubhangi said.
“That’s cool…I would be really embarrassed…I wish I was more like you…” Richa said smiling.