01-05-2023, 03:06 PM
Lion bhai welcome back.....
Iss story me bhi aapki pichhli stories ki tarah kaafi potential lag raha hai but iss baar iss story me aapki writing me halki si kami lag rahi hai..... Jese kai jagah pe spelling mistakes hai yaha fir aap likhna kya chahte ho zada clear nahi hai..... Fir characters ka build up thoda kamzor hai or seduction Kam.....
Baaki as usual aapke thoughts bohot sahi hai..... Bas mera yahi suggestion hai ki agla update Dene se pehle thoda sa proof reading kar Lena taaki ye chhoti dikkate bhi nahi ho
Iss story me bhi aapki pichhli stories ki tarah kaafi potential lag raha hai but iss baar iss story me aapki writing me halki si kami lag rahi hai..... Jese kai jagah pe spelling mistakes hai yaha fir aap likhna kya chahte ho zada clear nahi hai..... Fir characters ka build up thoda kamzor hai or seduction Kam.....
Baaki as usual aapke thoughts bohot sahi hai..... Bas mera yahi suggestion hai ki agla update Dene se pehle thoda sa proof reading kar Lena taaki ye chhoti dikkate bhi nahi ho