14-12-2022, 07:05 AM
Throughout all this, I was a little bothered by how Apara seemed almost........disinterested in the whole thing. Don't get me wrong. She wasn't sulking or depressed or anything. And of course, in arranged marriages, the bride and groom are a bit subdued. But still, it seemed like something was off. So after one function, as the family was going back to their hotel and everyone was saying their goodnights, I spoke up.
"Can I...talk to Apara alone for a little while?"*
Suddenly everyone in the family fell silent. The uncle looked at me.
"About what?"
"Just....like that." I said nervously. My dad gave me a look as if to say, why are you trying to ruin this?
"For how long?"
"Ten minutes? We'll just take a short walk around the block."
"Hmmm...OK. We will be in the car." He looked at Apara and nodded. And I thought I detected a stern 'behave yourself' kind of a look. She lowered her eyes and walked towards me.
I took a dozen steps down the road, with her by my side. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I had no idea about how to start a conversation with a woman I would be spending the rest of my life with.
"Are you......happy with this?" I finally said in Gujarati.
"Sure." she said in a nonchalant tone.*
Silence for a few seconds.
"Are you happy?" she asked.
"Me? Yes, of course I am." I said. "I just....I don't know....I found it strange that we are about to get married and we haven't had a one on one conversation yet."
"Isn't that how it's supposed to work in our community? It's the families that do everything before the marriage?"*
"Well, yeah. But still. We can talk and spend some time together alone. It's not like the 1800s anymore."
She let out a short derisive laugh.
"If you say so."
We walked a little more. I was having trouble coming up with the next sentence.
"What are you thinking about?" Apara asked.
"Nothing." I said.
"Should we turn back?" she stopped.
I stayed silent and looked at her. She looked back at me with the same prosaic expression I had gotten used to. And then suddenly, there was a spark in her eyes and she half-smiled. For a second she looked back at the car with her family, about 500 feet away from us. The uncle was standing and looking at us. Then there was a flash of emotion on her face.
"Are you trying to summon the courage to ask me if I am a virgin or not?"
"What???" I was taken aback.
"Isn't that supposed to be a big deal? Especially when it's someone who's grown up in corrupt godless America."
In a way, this first ever open expression of thoughts was refreshing. But it was also disconcerting. Women in my family or my community didn't talk like this.
"No." I said. "I mean, yes, it is supposed to be a big deal. But for me personally.....I don't care."
"Don't care? Or have you just assumed I am not a virgin....and are okay with it because you get a job and a green card in return?"
"I......." she was sort of right.
"Well, for your information, you assumed right." she said, smiled, and started walking back.*
I walked back with her, in silence.
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"Can I...talk to Apara alone for a little while?"*
Suddenly everyone in the family fell silent. The uncle looked at me.
"About what?"
"Just....like that." I said nervously. My dad gave me a look as if to say, why are you trying to ruin this?
"For how long?"
"Ten minutes? We'll just take a short walk around the block."
"Hmmm...OK. We will be in the car." He looked at Apara and nodded. And I thought I detected a stern 'behave yourself' kind of a look. She lowered her eyes and walked towards me.
I took a dozen steps down the road, with her by my side. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I had no idea about how to start a conversation with a woman I would be spending the rest of my life with.
"Are you......happy with this?" I finally said in Gujarati.
"Sure." she said in a nonchalant tone.*
Silence for a few seconds.
"Are you happy?" she asked.
"Me? Yes, of course I am." I said. "I just....I don't know....I found it strange that we are about to get married and we haven't had a one on one conversation yet."
"Isn't that how it's supposed to work in our community? It's the families that do everything before the marriage?"*
"Well, yeah. But still. We can talk and spend some time together alone. It's not like the 1800s anymore."
She let out a short derisive laugh.
"If you say so."
We walked a little more. I was having trouble coming up with the next sentence.
"What are you thinking about?" Apara asked.
"Nothing." I said.
"Should we turn back?" she stopped.
I stayed silent and looked at her. She looked back at me with the same prosaic expression I had gotten used to. And then suddenly, there was a spark in her eyes and she half-smiled. For a second she looked back at the car with her family, about 500 feet away from us. The uncle was standing and looking at us. Then there was a flash of emotion on her face.
"Are you trying to summon the courage to ask me if I am a virgin or not?"
"What???" I was taken aback.
"Isn't that supposed to be a big deal? Especially when it's someone who's grown up in corrupt godless America."
In a way, this first ever open expression of thoughts was refreshing. But it was also disconcerting. Women in my family or my community didn't talk like this.
"No." I said. "I mean, yes, it is supposed to be a big deal. But for me personally.....I don't care."
"Don't care? Or have you just assumed I am not a virgin....and are okay with it because you get a job and a green card in return?"
"I......." she was sort of right.
"Well, for your information, you assumed right." she said, smiled, and started walking back.*
I walked back with her, in silence.
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