13-12-2022, 05:07 PM
Apara and my marriage was an arranged one, and like many, was a marriage of convenience and compromise.*
I am originally from Ahmedabad, born in a lower middle class family, the son of a grocery store owner, and the grandson of a grocery store owner. Growing up, I was never too academically inclined. Like many Gujaratis, I always wanted to be an entrepreneur. So after getting a simple bachelors degree in commerce from a mid-level college, I tried my hand at striking it big in business. With a couple of friends, I first tried to open a gym. It was an ambitious plan. Our respective parents financed it and put a lot of faith in us. But we had overestimated the demand for fitness and underestimated the competition. In three years, it shut down.
One of those friends got married to a girl in the US and moved there. The two of us who remained, decided to open a big internet cafe. Back then, they were in high demand. But along came smart phones, and our revenues or profits weren't able to keep us going for long. Yet another business failure. And then another.*
Before I knew it, I was 36, starting to lose my hair, my pudgy body getting even pudgier, with no real career or business, helping my father out at the grocery store, seemingly destined to follow in his footsteps. I was also unmarried. Not being very good looking or charming, I had never been able to get any girl to say yes to me in the romance/dating context, which was already rare in our conventional community. A few attempts at arranged marriage had also fallen through because of those business failures.
And then my mother came to know of the Apara prospect through our caste's match-making service. Apparently her family was keen on a husband from the same caste. Like my own marriage resume, her's seemed to have some flaws, which is probably why she was unmarried at 34.
From the pictures, she looked nice enough. Let's say, above average. Not a drop-dead gorgeous hottie and slightly plump, but a nice face, and from what I could see, well-stacked. She was born in Baroda, but at age 3, lost both her parents in an accident. Her uncle and aunt had adopted her, taken her to the US and raised her there. She had dropped out of college after a couple of years, and from what I heard, worked for her uncle who owned 3 motels in Texas.
What made the proposal really enticing was that it came with a job offer. The uncle was about to buy a 4th motel and whoever married Apara would be the manager. We would get an apartment in the motel, rent-free, and a combined salary of 35,000 US dollars. And after a few years, he would loan us money to start our own motel if we wanted. And needless to say, because Apara was a US citizen, her husband would instantly get a green card, and in 3 years, full citizenship.*
My father was very gung ho about it. My mother had just one concern - why is this girl unmarried at 34? And having grown up in the US, what kind of a "past" does she have? My father brushed those concerns off saying, well, our own son is 36 and unmarried. And we know it's not because of some shady past, but just bad luck. So her uncle was approached.
Unsurprisingly, mine was one of about two dozen proposals she got from within our caste. The lure of an easy green card is hard to resist, especially in Gujarat. I apparently made it to the "shortlist" of five. Then the family came down to Ahmedabad to meet the prospective grooms. When our families met, Apara herself didn't say much. But I was pleased to see that she was nice looking in person too. A little darker complexion than in the pictures, but otherwise, very nice. And yes, definitely well-stacked.*
It was the uncle who talked the most. I felt like it was a job interview. And it was completely in English. He asked me about my two failed businesses, why they failed, what I had learned from them, and so on. After two hours, they left, and said they would let us know.
In five days, we got the call. I had been "selected". Later the uncle told me I had been selected because my English was very good. And I had experience in the service industry, and from our conversation, he was convinced the failures were mainly because of bad luck. There was no mention made of why I would be a good husband for his niece, or whether Apara had any say in the matter.
Both families started preparing for the wedding. Our relatives met their relatives. There were a lot of functions, in true Gujarati tradition. Apara and I got to spend some time together, but rarely alone. There was always some family member or other with us.
I am originally from Ahmedabad, born in a lower middle class family, the son of a grocery store owner, and the grandson of a grocery store owner. Growing up, I was never too academically inclined. Like many Gujaratis, I always wanted to be an entrepreneur. So after getting a simple bachelors degree in commerce from a mid-level college, I tried my hand at striking it big in business. With a couple of friends, I first tried to open a gym. It was an ambitious plan. Our respective parents financed it and put a lot of faith in us. But we had overestimated the demand for fitness and underestimated the competition. In three years, it shut down.
One of those friends got married to a girl in the US and moved there. The two of us who remained, decided to open a big internet cafe. Back then, they were in high demand. But along came smart phones, and our revenues or profits weren't able to keep us going for long. Yet another business failure. And then another.*
Before I knew it, I was 36, starting to lose my hair, my pudgy body getting even pudgier, with no real career or business, helping my father out at the grocery store, seemingly destined to follow in his footsteps. I was also unmarried. Not being very good looking or charming, I had never been able to get any girl to say yes to me in the romance/dating context, which was already rare in our conventional community. A few attempts at arranged marriage had also fallen through because of those business failures.
And then my mother came to know of the Apara prospect through our caste's match-making service. Apparently her family was keen on a husband from the same caste. Like my own marriage resume, her's seemed to have some flaws, which is probably why she was unmarried at 34.
From the pictures, she looked nice enough. Let's say, above average. Not a drop-dead gorgeous hottie and slightly plump, but a nice face, and from what I could see, well-stacked. She was born in Baroda, but at age 3, lost both her parents in an accident. Her uncle and aunt had adopted her, taken her to the US and raised her there. She had dropped out of college after a couple of years, and from what I heard, worked for her uncle who owned 3 motels in Texas.
What made the proposal really enticing was that it came with a job offer. The uncle was about to buy a 4th motel and whoever married Apara would be the manager. We would get an apartment in the motel, rent-free, and a combined salary of 35,000 US dollars. And after a few years, he would loan us money to start our own motel if we wanted. And needless to say, because Apara was a US citizen, her husband would instantly get a green card, and in 3 years, full citizenship.*
My father was very gung ho about it. My mother had just one concern - why is this girl unmarried at 34? And having grown up in the US, what kind of a "past" does she have? My father brushed those concerns off saying, well, our own son is 36 and unmarried. And we know it's not because of some shady past, but just bad luck. So her uncle was approached.
Unsurprisingly, mine was one of about two dozen proposals she got from within our caste. The lure of an easy green card is hard to resist, especially in Gujarat. I apparently made it to the "shortlist" of five. Then the family came down to Ahmedabad to meet the prospective grooms. When our families met, Apara herself didn't say much. But I was pleased to see that she was nice looking in person too. A little darker complexion than in the pictures, but otherwise, very nice. And yes, definitely well-stacked.*
It was the uncle who talked the most. I felt like it was a job interview. And it was completely in English. He asked me about my two failed businesses, why they failed, what I had learned from them, and so on. After two hours, they left, and said they would let us know.
In five days, we got the call. I had been "selected". Later the uncle told me I had been selected because my English was very good. And I had experience in the service industry, and from our conversation, he was convinced the failures were mainly because of bad luck. There was no mention made of why I would be a good husband for his niece, or whether Apara had any say in the matter.
Both families started preparing for the wedding. Our relatives met their relatives. There were a lot of functions, in true Gujarati tradition. Apara and I got to spend some time together, but rarely alone. There was always some family member or other with us.
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