Adultery Knowing My Wife, Knowing Me As Well - part III

[manasi]

A sure shot sign of a good story is when the comments and reactions are equally entralling, if not more, than the story itself. Here's my take on it, though I will admit its a bit of an outlier going by the popular trends in the comments but who cares. People are concentrating on Krish's self-inflicted hell and Desai's manipulative dominance, with Meera being the fuckable female prize the male characters are jousting for. But has anyone considered the exact opposite. That Meera's the core of the story, her initiation, her turmoil and her realization captured in the three parts. What if its just Krish's(the husband) narration of the couple's journey to know themselves with Meera emerging as the Queen of the knaves. No moralising please.



So the question in everyone's mind is - what is the second reason why Meera does not want her "husband" Krish to see her getting fucked by Desai ... quite a poser, isin't it!!

Now what could be the reason ... lets start by eliminating a few ...

Shame - nah ... she has been quiet shameless in belittling Kris to his face both when they are alone and in the presence of Desai ... she had no shame in admitting that she loves being fucked by Desai as he satisfys her primal need to be fucked by a powerful man with a big cock ... their copulation brings to the surface the deep bonding they experience during copulation ... a bonding like no other she has known(so far) ... and she loves it ... and she has admitted it to Krish also ... so why does she want to wait till tomorrow ... what would change between now and "tomorrow" ...

Baby - nah again ... why would she hate herself for wanting either man to impregnate her ... and why would Desai start to hate her if she wishes to be bear a child ... if she wants a child from him ... he would be thrilled as that would stamp his alpha status forever ... and if she wants a child from Krish ... who the fuck is Desai to hate her ... she is a married woman who he has stolen from her husband ... he just wants to fuck her ... whenever he wants ... he has not come across as that sort of a guy to hate her for her motherhood choices ... he is just a manipulative stud who knows how to spot a weakness in other men and women and exploits it for his pleasure and ego ...

So the question remains ... what could be the reason that would trigegr self-hate in Meera and more intriguingly hate in Desai towards her ... and spoil the night of unbridled carnal pleasure for both ... point to note is that the reason is already known to Meera ... so how can the articulation of what is already known to one trigger self-loathing ... this can only happen if the articulation is a difficult confession ... an admission of a deep seated  nature ... after which there is no going back ... sometimes its hard to come to terms with oneself ... we've seen the mental torture Krish has been undergoing ... his self-loathing for what he has become ... what he is now ... what excites him ... what arouses him ... to know that someone else is fucking his beautiful wife ... and she enjoys getting fucked by other men ... and his reluctant but slow acceptance of himself ...

To try an unravel this mystery, lets revisit some of the passages that I consider the most reavealing in the last update(its no coincidence that all of them are statements made by Meera when she is calm ... not in the thores of sexual passion) ... but before that, I would like to highlight 4 other nuggets that the author threw into the update -
1. She expressed no interest in accompanying Krish(whom she professes to "love" so much that she will never leave him for anyone, even Desai) for his first drive after the accident ... she did not consider it important to spend even those 30 minutes exclusively with her "beloved husband" ... so is he really her beloved husband in the normal sense ...
2. She was angry when Krish refused to go shopping with her ... and when she realized she could not convince him she not only told Desai in a fit of pique ... but also refused to go with Desai and cancelled her shopping trip completely ... sooooo ... was she really interested in shopping or was it just to shore up her image of a loving dependent wife and the refusal to play anlong by Krish trigger something else ...
3. She had no concern about Krish's dinner arrangements ... she said NOTHING ... is she is coming to terms with HER REAL SELF ...
4. Obviously she has not told Desai the 2nd reason as yet ... as he has not started hating her ... and knowing him its not possible he did not ask her again in the morning ... maybe by tomorrow she meant ... after he had fucked her thoroughly again the next night ... she has no intention of letting the stud services stop ...


Now to the passages of interest ...

"... My experience has taught me things I haven't learnt to talk about. There was a time when I thought I should leave him, I could leave him. But when I left him, I learnt no, there is no Meera without Krish. ... 
I love being loved by you, Susheel. Isn't that what you want from me?"
Is this a confession of dawning self realization ... the "taught me things I haven't learnt to talk about" ... and the "no Meera without Krish" ... is not necessarily a declaration of deep rooted unshakable love ... but could equally be one of dependency realization ... if Krish were not what he is ... would the real Meera be released ... she needs him to be herself ... does he complete HER like no one else can ... "I love being loved by you" ... so she loves playing the slut with another man ... a prize wrenched from the husband ... that she loves being loved(fucked) by him inspite of being married is such a ego booster for Desai(or any stud) ... is she not capitalizing on this by stroking his fragile ego ... "Isn't that what you want from me?" ... well played Meera, well played indeed ...

...

"There are two reasons, Susheel. One is that I don't want him to see how much I love being with you. The way you look at me, and the way I look at you, the way we become one like no one can. I don't want him to see it and think he cannot do the same and that he's not fit to be my husband. I don't want him to start hiding his love."
... and what would happen if Krish started hiding his love due to an explixit exhibition and realization of his inadequacy ... his inferiority to be THE man for his wife ... to know that his wife becomes ONE with another ... not with him ... why would his withdrawal disturb her ... love? ... do you see any trace of it in her towards her husband ... or do you see a need for Krish being the necessary prop for her to realize her deep seated fetish ... is Meera willing to let go of Desai beacuse she fears she would fall for him and is torn asunder between her love(ha-ha) for Krish and potential love for Desai ... or does she fear that keeping Desai around longer will ensure that Krish realizes that he will never be able to bond with her so deeply ... that he just does not have it in him ... and then when he withdraws to lick his wounds ... the fetish would loose its potency for her ... and the fetish is the real Meera ... its never easy to strip oneself before another person, but its terrifying to strip oneself naked in front of yourself ... because once done ... there is only one road left to tread ...

...

"But I won't be the Meera you want me to be in your bed if he's watching. I would be a motionless body. Would you like that?"
lets try to paraphrase this - I love being a slut in another man's bed knowing fully well that my "husband" knows I am being royally fucked by another man ... but I would loose everything ... every semblence of playing the loving wife afterwards if he were to see my true sexual self ... and then I would not enjoy it ... and the "Would you like that?" is such a masterful masturbation of the male ego ... you love the married slut pussy don't you ... you love fucking this married woman knowing that her husband's outside the door and that the screaming slut thrashing under you knows that her husband knows what you are doing to her ... but ... oh you are such a superstud that she is still begging for it ... gives a fuck to how her husband feels ... 
...

"Yes. I am thrilled to see how much you love me. You keep bringing him a lot, but you know, I don't want Krish to come between us."
I love being the object of desire ... I love being fucked by you ... but don't probe too deep as the truth will destroy you and I don't want that to happen before it suits me ...

...

"There is a 'us', isn't it?"
- sounds like an insurance policy to keep the carnal tempo primed up till the time she dumps him by declaring her true self ... she knows he has to go ... he is too brash to let her live the life she wants to ... like a bull in a china shop he will smash the world she's built for herself to smithereens by his urge to exhibit his superiority to her husband ...

...

"Oh, that," Meera said. "I don't want to tell you now; I mean I will tell you tomorrow. This is such a beautiful moment I don't want to spoil it. The thought of it makes me hate myself. And I don't want you to start hating me this very night."
She is certain that once Desai knows he will stop fucking her ... stop giving her the pleasure she so craves ... its an admission that she is still struggling to come to terms with ... but if he pushes her too far ... as he is ... she will articulate it to his face to protect her future life pleasures ... she knows Desai is no fool and he will soon realize that he has been used like a living dildo ... but not yet - not this very night ... right now she just wants to be fucked ...

...

I think that more than Krish having cuckold fantasies ... Meera is realizing that she loves being the cuckoldress ... she gets off getting fucked by other men ... Desai is a human dildo for her ... she has no love for him ... only lust ... she has no love for Krish ... only dependence on his being the necessary prop ... for how can she be the cuckoldress if there is no piant husband ...

Meera loves being fucked. She is not satisfied with what Krish can give her. She is promiscuous but with a difference. She has a fetish for cuckoldery with her being the Queen bee ... the pupeteer. When she left Krish, she was angry. She was not angry that her husband had sex with another woman - how could she be when she herself had had sex outside her marriage. She is angry at her husband having exhibited a bit of free will. She did not realize it then, she was confused. Her need for sex drove her into the arms of Das. But something was missing. She needed a husband to really enjoy sex with other men. Even though separated, once Krish re-entered her life, her satisfaction started returning. Again Krish's affair with Ananaya was an exhibition of free will on his part, something that her fetish for control and cuckolding could not take. Her explosive exhibition with Das and its affect on Krish drove home the limit to which she could take it, beyond which she would loose her husband and therefore the essential prop for her fetish. She was comfortable with Krish ... his fantasies suited her ... they completed her fantasies. She could not let him go. But after that exhibition with Das she was mortified with Krish's withdrawal ... and when she felt that she had truly lost him, inspite of a night of excellent sex with Desai, she became suicidal. She was truly unaware of herself except the fact that she loved being fucked. But as they repaired their relationship she started realizing that his fantasies excited her and she really loved the idea of being fucked by men who were not her husband, knowing that her husband knows that she was being fucked.

As the realization started dawning upon her, she employed all her feminine wiles in manipulating the situation, making Krish believe that he was responsible for everything, encouraging his fantasies and drew Desai, the best stud she had had so far back into their lives and into her bed. But given social conditioning, it was not easy to admit what she really was. So she played along. Enjoying her deep fantasies while laying it all on her HUSBAND's shoulders. What Desai gave her that night was something Krish could not even imagine, let alone match. Marital love and fidelity were now was words for her to be used for getting what she wanted, without having to own up to her reality. Its terrifying to denude yourself in front of yourself. Life was good. But for the male ego - both of the alpha and the beta. So now this stupid stud wanted to flaunt his prowess over her in bed to her husband and she remembered what had happened with the Das exhibition. And Desai was better than Das. Her HUSBAND would be devastated beyond redemption. She needed to stroke his fragile ego too. So the carnal sabbatical. But the first night fiasco was orchestrated by her and her only. She primed Desai to be the fall guy ... do all the talking ... she played along. But her easy acquiescense to Desai's presence, the spark in her eyes point to only one thing ... she was the puppeteer ... priming her bull by humiliating her husband ... but within limits ... without letting him know of his humiliation ... but his inadequacy apparent to her bull ... so that his ego would be on steroids when he fucked her.

Meera is in love.  That much is clear. She is deeply in love with herself. And she is in control of the situation, playing it out as she likes it.

The only spoke in her smoothly rotating wheel is the recorder. So what happens now. Will she have another night with Desai. Given that only two chapters are left in the story, I don't think so. There is so much to confront, so much to tie up, so much to reveal, so much to confess. So will Krish confront them or be difficult(if he opts to keep the recorder a secret)? He can still confront them about the two morning sessions. Who Desai was fucking then will not matter because if the woman with Desai those two mornings was Meera then she's already "confessed"(unlikely because she confessed to one tryst and from the recorder it seems to be that she was in command during that tryst, while in both the mornings, the woman was plundered royally if one goes by the sound track thats been narrated to us, so her "confessed" tryst most probably happend outside the house). And if its another woman then she will use it to her advantage to get rid of Desai(she is no less manipulative in this part 3) and the ensuing drama may lead to her articulating her second reason to deflate Desai. But what of Krish - will he hear the second reason too. How will he react to it. Will he submit, satisfied with the crumbs he's getting and the safety and security of social satus quo or will he walk away(or inflict self-harm).

Both options can give a good ending. The latter could end like a greek tragedy while simultaneously satisfying many bruised egos of the more insecure but addicted amongst the readers, while the other could end with the couple jointlty planning their next target ... why not ... afterall he would have come to know(and accept) his wife and himself as well!!

Well crafted Krish!

You have spilled the beans!

You are exact.

Only what disturbing me is the necessity of Meera to confess these to Desai. She could always keep it secret. I doubt, is she confessing out of guilty conscience. If so, she must do it to Krish also.

If her confessions not out of guilty conscience, she is on greater manipulation.

manasi