29-05-2019, 04:51 PM
Then, on a Sunday afternoon, a few weeks after the final decree, my son showed up on my doorstep. "Hi Papa," he said as he put his arms around me and gave me a hug.
"Rahul, it's good to see you. Where's your wife? Is everyting ok?" I asked worriedly.
"No, Papa, everything is not okay, in fact it stinks and I need to talk to you. Soni wanted to come, but I convinced her to let me do this. I didn't want you to think that we were ganging up on you."
"Oh, oh," I thought. "Here it comes." I led my son into the living room and asked if he wanted something to drink. He shook his head and took a breath.
"Papa, Mom is a mess. We're really afraid for her health. She has lost too much weight and she has become a virtual hermit in the house. She told us all about her affair and has accepted the fact that the divorce is totally her fault, but you've got to do something. She's killing herself."
This is not the first time I had heard of Menka's deterioration. Sonali had forced me to listen to her a couple of weeks earlier. I pulled my chair closer to Rahul and tried to explain my predicament. "Rahul," I began. "I could go and see your mother, but it would be futile. She would be able to tell in a second the reason why I had come. She would see that I was there not because I wanted reconciliation, but because of the pressure exerted upon me. I could actually make the situation worse. "
"But why is that impossible, why can't a reconciliation take place? Rahul interrupted. "Papa, Mom is truly sorry. She is ashamed of what she has done. Why can't you at least try to get over this? Why can't you even accept counseling? Why are you being so intransigent."
"Son," I began. "I'll try to explain, but please, just listen and try to understand. I have given that subject a lot of thought and I'll attempt to explain to you why I feel as I do.
"First of all your mother's infidelity was not a one time event, a temporary loss of judgment, a tipsy, unfortunate mistake that she hadn't planned or anticipated. Her affair was a cold, calculated affair that had been going on for months. She knew what she was doing and the possible consequences. She also knew what the discovery of her adultery would do to me, her loving husband - how it would totally devastate me.
"There is a very good reason why a certain phrase is inserted in almost all wedding vows. It was in mine and it was in yours as well. That phrase is 'forsaking all others.' I know that it sounds trite and old fashioned, but I now understand how important those words are - how critical they are to a marriage.
"Rahul, a marriage is built on love, commitment and trust. I really don't think that anything is as sacred as the physical union between two loving, committed adults and I truly believe that that cannot be shared because sharing it minimizes that love, that bond. That which is shared becomes less valuable and less significant. When a man and a wife join they become one, a union more significant that any partnership. When a spouse breaks those vows and shares himself or herself with another, they in effect are saying that they really do not value their union with their partner. He or she is saying that the physical intimacy in a marriage is not all that important or significant, it can be shared. I cannot accept that.
"Also, it isn't just the adultery, the infidelity that is difficult to overcome. It's also the lying, the cheating, the betrayal, the humiliation that is heaped upon the unsuspecting partner, the total lack of respect shown for the unsuspecting spouse. The cheater is, in effect, saying that the spouse is stupid, deserves to be betrayed, and that their union really does not have all that much value. The cheater may not recognize this motive, but it's there just the same. I truly believe that once the trust is destroyed, the union is over. If a partner cannot be trusted, then the foundation, upon which any partnership is based, is doomed.
"I know that many may view my stubbornness as bullheaded and intolerant - the bitterness of a fool who refuses to give his wife an opportunity to prove her love and loyalty.
They may be right, but I can't help how I feel. I deeply feel the betrayal, the humiliation, the lessening of a sense of myself as a man and a husband. I just can't get over that, Rahul. I just can't."
"God, Papa. Don't you love Mom anymore?" he asked tearfully.
I couldn't help it, tears started streaming down my face. "I still love your mother, Rahul. That's the hell that I have to live with every day for the rest of my life." I choked out.
--
Sonali made attempts to speak with me about my divorce. She had remained close to Menka and was giving her whatever support she could. I quite calmly but emphatically told her that it was a topic that I didn't want to talk about.
--
She got the message and dropped her attempts to get me to open up. Until, one day in my office........
"Sunil, please don't say one word. There's something that you should know and I don't want you to interrupt me." Sonali then took a deep breath. "Sunil, Menka is pregnant!"
I sat there with my mouth open, totally shocked. Then it hit me, I had completely forgotten about how I screwed around with her birth control pills. I hadn't really thought that what I did would prove so effective. Conflicting feelings zipped through my head. The first was regret; I really didn't want to wish this on Menka. This news only made our separation even more inevitable. I just shook my head and sat back in my chair.
Sonali had kept her eyes on me as I reacted to her news. She saw the shock and surprise. "Sunil, you know Menka. She absolutely refuses to even consider an abortion. She has decided to have the child and then give it up for adoption."
"Well, Sonali. Perhaps she should contact Prakash Mathoor and inform him that he's going to be a father again," I replied bitterly. I was immediately sorry for that remark and told Sonali that.
"In any event, Sonali. There's nothing that I can do. As you know, money is not a problem - Menka has plenty and is perfectly able to take the time off to have the baby. I wish her well."
"Damn, Sunil. You have really turned into one cold, heartless bastard." she snapped at me and turned and walked out of my office.
I sat there, stunned. I'm the cold, heartless bastard? I'm the one who screwed around for months behind my wife's back? I'm the one that cut out all sex because of a made-up disease? I realized then that I'll never understand women. When push comes to shove, they band together. Well, that's good in a way. Menka has someone upon which to lean. Good for them both, they deserve each other.
##
"Rahul, it's good to see you. Where's your wife? Is everyting ok?" I asked worriedly.
"No, Papa, everything is not okay, in fact it stinks and I need to talk to you. Soni wanted to come, but I convinced her to let me do this. I didn't want you to think that we were ganging up on you."
"Oh, oh," I thought. "Here it comes." I led my son into the living room and asked if he wanted something to drink. He shook his head and took a breath.
"Papa, Mom is a mess. We're really afraid for her health. She has lost too much weight and she has become a virtual hermit in the house. She told us all about her affair and has accepted the fact that the divorce is totally her fault, but you've got to do something. She's killing herself."
This is not the first time I had heard of Menka's deterioration. Sonali had forced me to listen to her a couple of weeks earlier. I pulled my chair closer to Rahul and tried to explain my predicament. "Rahul," I began. "I could go and see your mother, but it would be futile. She would be able to tell in a second the reason why I had come. She would see that I was there not because I wanted reconciliation, but because of the pressure exerted upon me. I could actually make the situation worse. "
"But why is that impossible, why can't a reconciliation take place? Rahul interrupted. "Papa, Mom is truly sorry. She is ashamed of what she has done. Why can't you at least try to get over this? Why can't you even accept counseling? Why are you being so intransigent."
"Son," I began. "I'll try to explain, but please, just listen and try to understand. I have given that subject a lot of thought and I'll attempt to explain to you why I feel as I do.
"First of all your mother's infidelity was not a one time event, a temporary loss of judgment, a tipsy, unfortunate mistake that she hadn't planned or anticipated. Her affair was a cold, calculated affair that had been going on for months. She knew what she was doing and the possible consequences. She also knew what the discovery of her adultery would do to me, her loving husband - how it would totally devastate me.
"There is a very good reason why a certain phrase is inserted in almost all wedding vows. It was in mine and it was in yours as well. That phrase is 'forsaking all others.' I know that it sounds trite and old fashioned, but I now understand how important those words are - how critical they are to a marriage.
"Rahul, a marriage is built on love, commitment and trust. I really don't think that anything is as sacred as the physical union between two loving, committed adults and I truly believe that that cannot be shared because sharing it minimizes that love, that bond. That which is shared becomes less valuable and less significant. When a man and a wife join they become one, a union more significant that any partnership. When a spouse breaks those vows and shares himself or herself with another, they in effect are saying that they really do not value their union with their partner. He or she is saying that the physical intimacy in a marriage is not all that important or significant, it can be shared. I cannot accept that.
"Also, it isn't just the adultery, the infidelity that is difficult to overcome. It's also the lying, the cheating, the betrayal, the humiliation that is heaped upon the unsuspecting partner, the total lack of respect shown for the unsuspecting spouse. The cheater is, in effect, saying that the spouse is stupid, deserves to be betrayed, and that their union really does not have all that much value. The cheater may not recognize this motive, but it's there just the same. I truly believe that once the trust is destroyed, the union is over. If a partner cannot be trusted, then the foundation, upon which any partnership is based, is doomed.
"I know that many may view my stubbornness as bullheaded and intolerant - the bitterness of a fool who refuses to give his wife an opportunity to prove her love and loyalty.
They may be right, but I can't help how I feel. I deeply feel the betrayal, the humiliation, the lessening of a sense of myself as a man and a husband. I just can't get over that, Rahul. I just can't."
"God, Papa. Don't you love Mom anymore?" he asked tearfully.
I couldn't help it, tears started streaming down my face. "I still love your mother, Rahul. That's the hell that I have to live with every day for the rest of my life." I choked out.
--
Sonali made attempts to speak with me about my divorce. She had remained close to Menka and was giving her whatever support she could. I quite calmly but emphatically told her that it was a topic that I didn't want to talk about.
--
She got the message and dropped her attempts to get me to open up. Until, one day in my office........
"Sunil, please don't say one word. There's something that you should know and I don't want you to interrupt me." Sonali then took a deep breath. "Sunil, Menka is pregnant!"
I sat there with my mouth open, totally shocked. Then it hit me, I had completely forgotten about how I screwed around with her birth control pills. I hadn't really thought that what I did would prove so effective. Conflicting feelings zipped through my head. The first was regret; I really didn't want to wish this on Menka. This news only made our separation even more inevitable. I just shook my head and sat back in my chair.
Sonali had kept her eyes on me as I reacted to her news. She saw the shock and surprise. "Sunil, you know Menka. She absolutely refuses to even consider an abortion. She has decided to have the child and then give it up for adoption."
"Well, Sonali. Perhaps she should contact Prakash Mathoor and inform him that he's going to be a father again," I replied bitterly. I was immediately sorry for that remark and told Sonali that.
"In any event, Sonali. There's nothing that I can do. As you know, money is not a problem - Menka has plenty and is perfectly able to take the time off to have the baby. I wish her well."
"Damn, Sunil. You have really turned into one cold, heartless bastard." she snapped at me and turned and walked out of my office.
I sat there, stunned. I'm the cold, heartless bastard? I'm the one who screwed around for months behind my wife's back? I'm the one that cut out all sex because of a made-up disease? I realized then that I'll never understand women. When push comes to shove, they band together. Well, that's good in a way. Menka has someone upon which to lean. Good for them both, they deserve each other.
##
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