18-10-2022, 10:06 AM
Itni lambi jindagi bina kisi sahaare ke, apni ichchhaon ko maar ke nahiin jeena tha mujhe...aur me nahiin jee saki. Mene use apna sabkuchh saunp diya. meri har shaam uske sath mere bedroom me gujarti thi.
Saath hi use apne vyapaar ki puri vaagdor bhi saup di thi. uske pichhe teen kaaran the:
pehala- wo tab bhi gareeb hi tha aur ek chhoti si naukari karta tha. meri ichchha thi ki uski aarthik stithi sudhare.
dusra- mere dwara naukari dene par wo har pal mere sath reh sakta tha aur humaare sambandhon par sahsaa hi koi shak nahiin kar sakta tha.
teesra- usse jyaada vishwas-paatra koi vyakti meri najaro me tha bhi nahi.
mera kaam ab sirf signature karne tak seemit tha.
Uski dekhrekh me meri poonji din dooni raat chaugni raftaar se badhh rahi thi.
Hum dono ne mere bete ki achchhi tarah parvarish ki. Ab vah 18 saal ka naujawan ban chuka tha.
Mera beta, mere premi ki bahut izzat karta tha. Uski najar me vah apni maa ka puraana wafadar dost aur ek mehanati, imandaar karmchaari tha.
Mere bete ne kabhi bhi uske baare me sawal isliye nahiin puchha...kyuki wo hosh sambhaalne se lekar abtak use dekhta aa raha tha. Meri najar me vah uska pita tha.
Ek shaam darwaja khula aur mera premi usme se andar aaya. Mene baahen kholkar use gale lagaaya aur uske hothhon par ek lamba aur meethha sa chumban liya. wo mujhe pichhe hataakar thoda sa virodh kar raha tha, lekin mene swachchhandta aur kaam mad me doobi hone ke karan use aur taaqat se bheench liya.
Achanak ek halki si aawaj ne mere kaam mad me doobe mastiskk ko bataaya ki koi teesra shakhs bhi wahaan maujood hai. Dekha to behad naarazagi ke sath wahaan khada mera beta hume ghoor raha tha.
Vah meri zindagi ka ek nirmam aur bhayankar pal tha. wo pal isliye aaya kyuki mera premi, mujhe surprise dene ke liye mere bete ko hostel se laaya tha. Kaash...mujhe zara saa bhi pata hota ki wo bhi sath hai to aaj ye naubat nahiin aati.
Us nirmam pal ke dauraan jab mene dost se alag hote huye bete ki taraf yaachna ki mudra me hath aage badhhaya to wo...wo najar hi nahiin aaya. Vah jaa chuka tha.
Hum dono awaak...ek doosre ka muh taakte reh gaye.
Me sofa kursi me dhans gayi...chetna-shoonya see. Meri ichchha huyi ki me udkar hamesha ke liye kahiin door chali jaau.
Mere gale me subkiyaan uthhiin, mera dil tootne laga. Ek maa ki tamaam granthiyaan mujhe ek sharmnaak aur daraawane bhavishya ki aahat sunaane lagi.
Buri tarah darte huye mere premi ne meri or dekha aur mujhe
sambhaalne, chhune ki koshish kiye bina vah sakpakaata huaa bola-"me use dekhne, usse baat karne aur sab chije samjhaane jaata hu" aur vah teji se chala gaya.
Kayii kism ke khayaalon me mene uska intezaar kiya.
Kisi bhi aahat se me kaampne lagti thi. Mene 1 ghante...2 ghante intezaar kiya. Us ek pal ke me arbo rupye de sakti thi, jis pal wo mere bete ko sath laane ki khawar deta.
Kahaan gaya mera beta? kya kar raha hoga wo? ufff....wo pal sochkar hi me kaanp uthhti hu.
Karib aadhi raat ke waqt mere premi ne naukraani ke hath ek patra pahuchaya-"me use nahiin khoj paaya. me niche hu. is dukh ki ghadi me me tumhara saamna nahiin kar sakta, isliye is waqt upar nahiin aana chahta"
Mene usi kagaz par likh bheja-"kyo nahiin khoj paaye? tumhe wapas laana hi chahiye tha...tumhe use wapas laana hi hoga"
aur me puri raat us sofa kursi par dhansi rahi.
Mujhe laga me pagal hone wali hu. Meri ichchha ho rahi thi ki me
jungaliyo ki tarah daudu, zamin me lot lagaau. Lekin mene kuchh nahiin kiya....bass intezaar karti rahi.
Kya hone waala hai? mene sochne ki koshish ki lekin kuchh bhi aatma ko kasht dene laayak nahiin soch paayi.
Doosri taraf ye darr bhi sata raha tha ki agar wo dono mil gaye to kya hoga? mera beta kya karega? mera dimag darawani aashankaaon se fatne laga.
Aap samajh sakte hain naa sahab meri us waqt ki bhavnaayen? Meri naukaraani, jise kuchh bhi nahiin pata tha, wo baar baar aati aur me use ishaare se wapas bhej deti.
Wo pareshan hokar doctor ko bula laayi. Doctor ne bataaya ki mujhpar nervous breakdown ka attack aaya hai. Dimagi bukhaar bhi hai.
Lambi bimari ke baad jab meri chetna lauti to mene apne bistar ke paas akele baithhe apne premi ko dekha.
Me chillayi-"mera beta....kahaan
hai mera beta?"
Usne koi jawab nahiin diya. me fir cheekhi-"jinda hai ya khudkhushi kar li?"
"Aisa mat kaho pls. nahiin, kasam se aisa kuchh nahiin huaa. Lekin me apni tamaam koshisho ke bawajud use nahiin talash kar paaya"
Aur fir gusse aur narazgi me, jaisa ki auraten aise halaat me akaran fat padti hain, mene use keh diya-"jab tak use talash karke nahiin laate, tum mere paas bhi mat aana" aur wo chala gaya.
Aur tabse....mene un dono me se kisi ko bhi nahiin dekha....aaj tak.
Aur is tarah me pichhle 20 saalo se reh rahi hu.
Kya aap soch sakte hain....is daanavi sazaa ko....yuun dheere dheere ek maa ke dil ke fatne ki yaatna ko aur is kroor antheen intezaar ko aap samajh sakte hain???
Antheen.....nahiin..... ab to me marne wali hu aur mere marne ke sath hi ye intezaar bhi khatm hone wala hai. Me un dono me se kisi ko bhi dekhe bina marne waali hu.
Mera premi...pichhle 20 saalo se rojaana mujhe patra likh raha hai
lekin...mene aajtak ek baar to kya, 2 second ke liye bhi milne ki
izazat nahiin di. Kyuki mujhe ek ajib sa khayaal aata hai sahab.....khayaal ki mera beta thhik usi kshan wapas aa gaya aur usne fir se mujhe mere premi ke saath dekh liya to kya hoga?
Ohhh!! ohhh mera beta. Kya wo
mar gaya...yaa jinda hai?
Wo kahaan chhupa huaa hai? Kya wo kabhi mere baare me sochta hoga? Kya usne kabhi jaana ki usne mujhe kitni bhayaanak yaatnaayen di hain?
Kitni gehari yaatnaao aur nirashaao ke gehare kuye me dhhakel diya hai?
usne mujhe tab chhoda, jab me zindagi ke bicho bich khadi thi aur chhoda bhi to aaj 20 saal tak peeda bhogne ke liye....aaj jab me marne wali hu tab tak. Me uski maa, jisne use itni geharaayi se pyar kiya.
Haay...kya ye krurta nahiin hai sahab? Aap ye sab use bataayenge naa sahab? aap mere aakhri lafz use doharaayenge na sahab..."
Wo saans lene ke liye ruki, uski deh kaampne lagi...jaise aakhri ke shabd usne apne bete ke liye hi kahe ho aur wo jaise uske sirhaane hi khada ho.
Fir usne apni baat me jodte huye kaha-"aap bataana use sahab ki me fir us dusre aadmi...apne premi se kabhi nahiin mili. Mene meri galati ka...anaitikta ka, 20 saal prayashchit kar liya hai"
Ek baar fir wo ruki aur toot'ti aawaj me boli-"ab aap mujhe akela chhod dijiye sahab. me akele hi marna chaahti hu, kyuki mera beta mere sath nahiin hai"
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Saath hi use apne vyapaar ki puri vaagdor bhi saup di thi. uske pichhe teen kaaran the:
pehala- wo tab bhi gareeb hi tha aur ek chhoti si naukari karta tha. meri ichchha thi ki uski aarthik stithi sudhare.
dusra- mere dwara naukari dene par wo har pal mere sath reh sakta tha aur humaare sambandhon par sahsaa hi koi shak nahiin kar sakta tha.
teesra- usse jyaada vishwas-paatra koi vyakti meri najaro me tha bhi nahi.
mera kaam ab sirf signature karne tak seemit tha.
Uski dekhrekh me meri poonji din dooni raat chaugni raftaar se badhh rahi thi.
Hum dono ne mere bete ki achchhi tarah parvarish ki. Ab vah 18 saal ka naujawan ban chuka tha.
Mera beta, mere premi ki bahut izzat karta tha. Uski najar me vah apni maa ka puraana wafadar dost aur ek mehanati, imandaar karmchaari tha.
Mere bete ne kabhi bhi uske baare me sawal isliye nahiin puchha...kyuki wo hosh sambhaalne se lekar abtak use dekhta aa raha tha. Meri najar me vah uska pita tha.
Ek shaam darwaja khula aur mera premi usme se andar aaya. Mene baahen kholkar use gale lagaaya aur uske hothhon par ek lamba aur meethha sa chumban liya. wo mujhe pichhe hataakar thoda sa virodh kar raha tha, lekin mene swachchhandta aur kaam mad me doobi hone ke karan use aur taaqat se bheench liya.
Achanak ek halki si aawaj ne mere kaam mad me doobe mastiskk ko bataaya ki koi teesra shakhs bhi wahaan maujood hai. Dekha to behad naarazagi ke sath wahaan khada mera beta hume ghoor raha tha.
Vah meri zindagi ka ek nirmam aur bhayankar pal tha. wo pal isliye aaya kyuki mera premi, mujhe surprise dene ke liye mere bete ko hostel se laaya tha. Kaash...mujhe zara saa bhi pata hota ki wo bhi sath hai to aaj ye naubat nahiin aati.
Us nirmam pal ke dauraan jab mene dost se alag hote huye bete ki taraf yaachna ki mudra me hath aage badhhaya to wo...wo najar hi nahiin aaya. Vah jaa chuka tha.
Hum dono awaak...ek doosre ka muh taakte reh gaye.
Me sofa kursi me dhans gayi...chetna-shoonya see. Meri ichchha huyi ki me udkar hamesha ke liye kahiin door chali jaau.
Mere gale me subkiyaan uthhiin, mera dil tootne laga. Ek maa ki tamaam granthiyaan mujhe ek sharmnaak aur daraawane bhavishya ki aahat sunaane lagi.
Buri tarah darte huye mere premi ne meri or dekha aur mujhe
sambhaalne, chhune ki koshish kiye bina vah sakpakaata huaa bola-"me use dekhne, usse baat karne aur sab chije samjhaane jaata hu" aur vah teji se chala gaya.
Kayii kism ke khayaalon me mene uska intezaar kiya.
Kisi bhi aahat se me kaampne lagti thi. Mene 1 ghante...2 ghante intezaar kiya. Us ek pal ke me arbo rupye de sakti thi, jis pal wo mere bete ko sath laane ki khawar deta.
Kahaan gaya mera beta? kya kar raha hoga wo? ufff....wo pal sochkar hi me kaanp uthhti hu.
Karib aadhi raat ke waqt mere premi ne naukraani ke hath ek patra pahuchaya-"me use nahiin khoj paaya. me niche hu. is dukh ki ghadi me me tumhara saamna nahiin kar sakta, isliye is waqt upar nahiin aana chahta"
Mene usi kagaz par likh bheja-"kyo nahiin khoj paaye? tumhe wapas laana hi chahiye tha...tumhe use wapas laana hi hoga"
aur me puri raat us sofa kursi par dhansi rahi.
Mujhe laga me pagal hone wali hu. Meri ichchha ho rahi thi ki me
jungaliyo ki tarah daudu, zamin me lot lagaau. Lekin mene kuchh nahiin kiya....bass intezaar karti rahi.
Kya hone waala hai? mene sochne ki koshish ki lekin kuchh bhi aatma ko kasht dene laayak nahiin soch paayi.
Doosri taraf ye darr bhi sata raha tha ki agar wo dono mil gaye to kya hoga? mera beta kya karega? mera dimag darawani aashankaaon se fatne laga.
Aap samajh sakte hain naa sahab meri us waqt ki bhavnaayen? Meri naukaraani, jise kuchh bhi nahiin pata tha, wo baar baar aati aur me use ishaare se wapas bhej deti.
Wo pareshan hokar doctor ko bula laayi. Doctor ne bataaya ki mujhpar nervous breakdown ka attack aaya hai. Dimagi bukhaar bhi hai.
Lambi bimari ke baad jab meri chetna lauti to mene apne bistar ke paas akele baithhe apne premi ko dekha.
Me chillayi-"mera beta....kahaan
hai mera beta?"
Usne koi jawab nahiin diya. me fir cheekhi-"jinda hai ya khudkhushi kar li?"
"Aisa mat kaho pls. nahiin, kasam se aisa kuchh nahiin huaa. Lekin me apni tamaam koshisho ke bawajud use nahiin talash kar paaya"
Aur fir gusse aur narazgi me, jaisa ki auraten aise halaat me akaran fat padti hain, mene use keh diya-"jab tak use talash karke nahiin laate, tum mere paas bhi mat aana" aur wo chala gaya.
Aur tabse....mene un dono me se kisi ko bhi nahiin dekha....aaj tak.
Aur is tarah me pichhle 20 saalo se reh rahi hu.
Kya aap soch sakte hain....is daanavi sazaa ko....yuun dheere dheere ek maa ke dil ke fatne ki yaatna ko aur is kroor antheen intezaar ko aap samajh sakte hain???
Antheen.....nahiin..... ab to me marne wali hu aur mere marne ke sath hi ye intezaar bhi khatm hone wala hai. Me un dono me se kisi ko bhi dekhe bina marne waali hu.
Mera premi...pichhle 20 saalo se rojaana mujhe patra likh raha hai
lekin...mene aajtak ek baar to kya, 2 second ke liye bhi milne ki
izazat nahiin di. Kyuki mujhe ek ajib sa khayaal aata hai sahab.....khayaal ki mera beta thhik usi kshan wapas aa gaya aur usne fir se mujhe mere premi ke saath dekh liya to kya hoga?
Ohhh!! ohhh mera beta. Kya wo
mar gaya...yaa jinda hai?
Wo kahaan chhupa huaa hai? Kya wo kabhi mere baare me sochta hoga? Kya usne kabhi jaana ki usne mujhe kitni bhayaanak yaatnaayen di hain?
Kitni gehari yaatnaao aur nirashaao ke gehare kuye me dhhakel diya hai?
usne mujhe tab chhoda, jab me zindagi ke bicho bich khadi thi aur chhoda bhi to aaj 20 saal tak peeda bhogne ke liye....aaj jab me marne wali hu tab tak. Me uski maa, jisne use itni geharaayi se pyar kiya.
Haay...kya ye krurta nahiin hai sahab? Aap ye sab use bataayenge naa sahab? aap mere aakhri lafz use doharaayenge na sahab..."
Wo saans lene ke liye ruki, uski deh kaampne lagi...jaise aakhri ke shabd usne apne bete ke liye hi kahe ho aur wo jaise uske sirhaane hi khada ho.
Fir usne apni baat me jodte huye kaha-"aap bataana use sahab ki me fir us dusre aadmi...apne premi se kabhi nahiin mili. Mene meri galati ka...anaitikta ka, 20 saal prayashchit kar liya hai"
Ek baar fir wo ruki aur toot'ti aawaj me boli-"ab aap mujhe akela chhod dijiye sahab. me akele hi marna chaahti hu, kyuki mera beta mere sath nahiin hai"
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