24-05-2019, 04:13 PM
"Nah, it don't work at all like the movies." Mander said to Helen as they sat at her conversation patio, having breakfast. "I mean, James Bond's world has to be fulla private armies sitting around in jumpsuits waiting for some rich asshole to need lots of disposable goons. Yeah, there's guys like me in the world and private armies exist, but movies'd have you believing they come from vending machines marked 'Hire-A-Thug.'"
"I didn't think it would." Helen said as she broke tradition for her guest and sipped some of her pint. Spending a childhood in fear of a raging alcoholic sucked any fun to be had out of drinking for her; so, she reserved alcohol for special occasions. "I remember hearing about someone putting an ad in the LA Craigslist looking for 'soldiers of fortune' because 'I have a problem, and nobody else can help.' The details that followed were of the job from the first episode of A-Team. Responses ranged from getting the joke to people calling the cops to..." She leaned forward and put of a gruff tone for the end. "I am completely willing to take this entirely serious mission for you, let's discuss my fee and the weapons and skills I bring to the table."
Mander laughed at that.
"That's the problem with hiring mercs out of the classifieds. You get back the kind of pillocks who'd put an advert in the classifieds!" He stopped laughing and took a sip of his own pint. "Someone like Dietz can't work with a regular crew, cause if they pinch you, they're a step closer to him. I don't associate with the sort who'd work with him, so all my info's third or fourth hand. I hear he's such a prick to work with that you wouldn't lose any sleep ratting him out. Snitches get stitches and all; less you're snitchin' on Heinrich Dietz; then, genpop'll probably make ya their king instead."
"I've always wondered how the Joker managed to kill his own goons so often, yet always find more willing to work for him."
"Heh, yeah." Mander replied. "Welcome to the team, I know you're all worried about Batman kicking your ass but the thing you SHOULD be worrying about is how The Boss likes to randomly kill a couple of us cause he thinks it'd be totally hilarious to kill you right at this moment."
"Exactly! If I had a crew in Gotham, we'd call ourselves 'The One-Timers,' and our gimmick would be that we don't have a gimmick. No matching outfits, no calling cards, no giving everyone names based on a theme, and anyone named 'Lefty' or 'Knuckles' Is off the team! We'd wait until there's some big museum gala or charity ball that Joker or Two-Face is sure to show up and rob. Then, WE quickly and quietly crack a bank vault or clean out a jewelry store on the other side of town; nowhere near Crime Alley. Both because of Batman and because the name implies that the banks and shops around there will already be picked clean before we arrive." Mander nodded in agreement. "Batman's going to be stopping Riddler or whoever's robbing the rich people at the event; Robin and all the others are too busy fighting those obvious crews to notice us, because we didn't do stupid shit like go into dive bars, full of other criminals who don't know us and have no real reason NOT to sell us out, to discuss the plan. We split the loot evenly, no double-crosses, no backstabbing. Then we all go our separate ways, leave Gotham, and never speak to each other again."
"I like it." Mander said, raising his glass. Helen took her own and clinked with him before drinking. "Only thing I'd add is to scope out the place first. Ya know, make sure it ain't the '2nd National Bank' or the jewelry shop ain't got no Cat's Eye diamonds, cause that's just asking for one of those two to try an' steal it." He thought some more. "Fact, just leave the diamonds for Mr. Freeze. Cause if you don't, he's just gonna try to fight you over 'the ice.'"
He took a bite of toast before speaking again.
"So, if Your Countessness does the kind of kerbstompin' on Nazis looking at real estate in her nation that I'm certain Your Countessness does," Helen nodded and turned up her lips at that. "He's got nothin' worth speaking of for local backup. Maybe a closet Nazi who pays his membership dues on time'll let 'em hole up in his basement, but that's it."
Helen took that in and nodded.
"If there was someone like that living in San Finzione, he'd have to keep it entirely to himself. Likely, it'd be the inside guy at the studio. Dietz is paranoid about being seen, so he wouldn't hide at that guy's place, because HE is both indispensable AND a direct link back to him! That's too many eggs in one basket for Dietz. They've probably never even met in person, which also explains why a plant could tip him off about the Spaghetti-Os thing; but wouldn't be able to get away to warn him about BASIC risks like Me and Propappou."
Mander agreed.
"And nobody who's worked with the asshole would do it a second time by choice. If he tried to 'get the old team back together for one last job,' they'd tell him to go get fucked. Any crew the client's gotten to agree to work with him, less they've gone the extra mile after meeting his fee and got other pros, are gonna be the kinda Muppets who'd seriously answer that Craigslist ad. I'm sure they've done plenty of killing in video games, but that's not a skill one usually brings to a team. Less the plan's to rob Nintendo or kidnap Zelda. THEN, we'll give ya a call!"
"I can see that. Another thing movies get wrong. That guy who's 'the best of the best,' so the rest of the crew let him get away with being a condescending dick to them? As long as anyone else is doing his specialty, then no, he is NOT 'the only guy who can pull off a job like this.' He's the guy you ask the others 'Do YOU know anyone else? Cause the only prick I know; I'd rather not work with again.' The only crews Wade ever got on were ones where someone felt they owed him for getting pinched last time or that he could beg, plead, or bully into taking him with them. He was usually assigned lookout, because that job's no harder than keeping an eye out and don't get so drunk you pick a fight with a beat cop walking past while we're still looting the place and blow the real team's job. So, 6 times out of 10, even he could do that job."
"I didn't think it would." Helen said as she broke tradition for her guest and sipped some of her pint. Spending a childhood in fear of a raging alcoholic sucked any fun to be had out of drinking for her; so, she reserved alcohol for special occasions. "I remember hearing about someone putting an ad in the LA Craigslist looking for 'soldiers of fortune' because 'I have a problem, and nobody else can help.' The details that followed were of the job from the first episode of A-Team. Responses ranged from getting the joke to people calling the cops to..." She leaned forward and put of a gruff tone for the end. "I am completely willing to take this entirely serious mission for you, let's discuss my fee and the weapons and skills I bring to the table."
Mander laughed at that.
"That's the problem with hiring mercs out of the classifieds. You get back the kind of pillocks who'd put an advert in the classifieds!" He stopped laughing and took a sip of his own pint. "Someone like Dietz can't work with a regular crew, cause if they pinch you, they're a step closer to him. I don't associate with the sort who'd work with him, so all my info's third or fourth hand. I hear he's such a prick to work with that you wouldn't lose any sleep ratting him out. Snitches get stitches and all; less you're snitchin' on Heinrich Dietz; then, genpop'll probably make ya their king instead."
"I've always wondered how the Joker managed to kill his own goons so often, yet always find more willing to work for him."
"Heh, yeah." Mander replied. "Welcome to the team, I know you're all worried about Batman kicking your ass but the thing you SHOULD be worrying about is how The Boss likes to randomly kill a couple of us cause he thinks it'd be totally hilarious to kill you right at this moment."
"Exactly! If I had a crew in Gotham, we'd call ourselves 'The One-Timers,' and our gimmick would be that we don't have a gimmick. No matching outfits, no calling cards, no giving everyone names based on a theme, and anyone named 'Lefty' or 'Knuckles' Is off the team! We'd wait until there's some big museum gala or charity ball that Joker or Two-Face is sure to show up and rob. Then, WE quickly and quietly crack a bank vault or clean out a jewelry store on the other side of town; nowhere near Crime Alley. Both because of Batman and because the name implies that the banks and shops around there will already be picked clean before we arrive." Mander nodded in agreement. "Batman's going to be stopping Riddler or whoever's robbing the rich people at the event; Robin and all the others are too busy fighting those obvious crews to notice us, because we didn't do stupid shit like go into dive bars, full of other criminals who don't know us and have no real reason NOT to sell us out, to discuss the plan. We split the loot evenly, no double-crosses, no backstabbing. Then we all go our separate ways, leave Gotham, and never speak to each other again."
"I like it." Mander said, raising his glass. Helen took her own and clinked with him before drinking. "Only thing I'd add is to scope out the place first. Ya know, make sure it ain't the '2nd National Bank' or the jewelry shop ain't got no Cat's Eye diamonds, cause that's just asking for one of those two to try an' steal it." He thought some more. "Fact, just leave the diamonds for Mr. Freeze. Cause if you don't, he's just gonna try to fight you over 'the ice.'"
He took a bite of toast before speaking again.
"So, if Your Countessness does the kind of kerbstompin' on Nazis looking at real estate in her nation that I'm certain Your Countessness does," Helen nodded and turned up her lips at that. "He's got nothin' worth speaking of for local backup. Maybe a closet Nazi who pays his membership dues on time'll let 'em hole up in his basement, but that's it."
Helen took that in and nodded.
"If there was someone like that living in San Finzione, he'd have to keep it entirely to himself. Likely, it'd be the inside guy at the studio. Dietz is paranoid about being seen, so he wouldn't hide at that guy's place, because HE is both indispensable AND a direct link back to him! That's too many eggs in one basket for Dietz. They've probably never even met in person, which also explains why a plant could tip him off about the Spaghetti-Os thing; but wouldn't be able to get away to warn him about BASIC risks like Me and Propappou."
Mander agreed.
"And nobody who's worked with the asshole would do it a second time by choice. If he tried to 'get the old team back together for one last job,' they'd tell him to go get fucked. Any crew the client's gotten to agree to work with him, less they've gone the extra mile after meeting his fee and got other pros, are gonna be the kinda Muppets who'd seriously answer that Craigslist ad. I'm sure they've done plenty of killing in video games, but that's not a skill one usually brings to a team. Less the plan's to rob Nintendo or kidnap Zelda. THEN, we'll give ya a call!"
"I can see that. Another thing movies get wrong. That guy who's 'the best of the best,' so the rest of the crew let him get away with being a condescending dick to them? As long as anyone else is doing his specialty, then no, he is NOT 'the only guy who can pull off a job like this.' He's the guy you ask the others 'Do YOU know anyone else? Cause the only prick I know; I'd rather not work with again.' The only crews Wade ever got on were ones where someone felt they owed him for getting pinched last time or that he could beg, plead, or bully into taking him with them. He was usually assigned lookout, because that job's no harder than keeping an eye out and don't get so drunk you pick a fight with a beat cop walking past while we're still looting the place and blow the real team's job. So, 6 times out of 10, even he could do that job."
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