Adultery All In My Head by xleglover-COMPLETED

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Jen, don't you see how it looks?" I said exasperated. "Everyone's already talking about you."

"They don't know anything," she said giving me her standard answer.

"They do know!" I said. "I talked to Jack."

Suddenly Jen went ice cold. "What?"

"I talked to Jack. He told me people are talking about you. He said --"

"You talked to Jack?" she said interrupting me, sounding horrified. "Jill's the worse gossip! Now everyone knows!"

"Knows what?" I said confused.

"That you talked to Jack!" she cried.

I was surprised by her sudden alarm. "Jen, baby, I told Jack the rumors were bullshit," I assured her.

"It doesn't matter, you shouldn't have talked to him at all!" she cried, her alarm growing.

Suddenly it clicked in my head, and I understood how Jen could be so confident about her denial of the rumors all these months. I'm a numbers guy. Everything's black and white, 1+1=2. But Jen's advertising. It's like politics. It doesn't matter what the truth is. You ignore what people say and just stick to your story, and sooner or later people will agree with your version of the truth. But I'd screwed all that up by talking to Jack, because just by talking about the rumors, I'd validated them.

"Honey, I'm sorry --" I said, reaching for her.

"Don't!" she said pushing my arms away. "I don't want to talk to you right now." She turned and walked away. I felt like shit. I gave her a head start and then followed her. I saw she went right to Allie and pulled her away from everyone else, to talk.

I didn't want to make things worse so I acted like everything was okay. I didn't want people to think we'd argued. But people had noticed Jen disappear with Scott, and me pull her aside when they finally got back. People gave me a lot of looks which I did my best to ignore.

I stopped drinking. I didn't want to make things worse by getting drunk. I drank water and tried to act normal.

The party went forever. I saw Jen across the room. She was her bubbly self again. Either she was over it or putting on a show like me. I suspected the latter.

She didn't come to me, or even look my way. I wanted to talk to her, but I knew she was mad, and when she's like that it's better to give her space.

People started going to sleep around 3. I looked for Jen to give her a good night kiss. I saw her and we locked eyes. I moved towards her, but she went into the loft bedroom and closed the door. I felt like shit.

I went downstairs to the cot. There were a few others already settled down into their cots or sleeping bags. I felt like I was back in college again.

I couldn't sleep. I felt terrible. I realized I'd been selfish, thinking just about me. I mean, all I thought about was what people were saying and thinking about me. I didn't consider what Jen was going through. She was the one who had the affair with Ricky, who went with him to California, who slept with guys after she and I got back together. Our friends probably thought she was the bad guy and me the victim, since they didn't know about my role in all of this. They probably talked about how she was a cheating slut, and those rumors would really hurt her because deep down at her core she was just a blonde, blue eyed, sweet catholic girl. You probably think I'm putting her up on a pedestal, but she truly is a sweet loving person. I'm the demented evil one, not her. I wanted desperately to talk to her, but she didn't want anything to do with me.

I began hearing sounds that could only be couples having sex. Now I really felt like I was back in my fraternity days.

I'm sure many of the people having sex were the married couples there. We'd all been split up by the lottery process, but horny husbands and wives have a way of ending up with each other. Earlier I'd hoped Jen would come to me (no way could I go to the loft bedroom with Allie there), but I knew that wasn't going to happen now.

Other sounds, I'm sure, came from hookups with the singles at the party. There were still a lot of singles in our group, most of us were still under 30.

I thought of Jen and Allie in the loft bedroom. "I told you, Mike's a fuck up," Allie would say.

Jen: "Just stop, okay?"

Allie (smiling): "So what really happened on the beach with Scott?"

Jen (head in her hands): "God, I don't want to think about it. I can't imagine what they're saying about me."

Allie: "Fuck them Jen, who cares what they're saying. Anyway, this makes it easier."

Jen: "What do you mean?"

Allie would walk to the door and open it, and say "Surprise!" and Scott would walk in, a big grin on his face.

"Scott get out of here!" Jen would say urgently in a hushed voice. "Allie!"

Allie (smiling): "I think I'll leave you love birds alone."

Jen: "Scott you have to leave, Mike's downstairs."

Scott (pulling her to him): "You weren't worried about that on the beach."

"Scott stop" Jen'd say, but responding to his kisses and not stopping him as he pushed up her skirt.

"You're wet," he'd say fingering her.

"Hello? That's you in there!" she'd giggle, and then moan as he rubbed her clit.

He'd put her hand on his big hard cock. "Okay, but we have to be quiet," she'd say surrendering to him.

"Yeah, like you were quiet on the beach."

"Shut up you jerk," she'd laugh hitting his chest. "Oh god," she'd groan as he entered her.

"You like that babe?"

"Oh god yes you feel so good inside me!"

I came in my hand, stifling my moan since there were people around me. Then I fell into a restless sleep.

I woke up around 10. Frankly I'm not sure if I slept at all. Everyone else was asleep. I showed and dressed, and then drove into town and bought tubs of coffee and donuts from a coffee shoppe. When I got back people were starting to stir, everyone with mild to major hangovers (except me, since I'd stopped drinking pretty early). A hung over Grace saw the coffee and donuts and hung me, saying "You're a godsend."

Jen came down the stairs around noon. She'd also showered, but still looked tired. I wasn't sure if she was still mad, but she sat next to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You ready to go?"

"I thought you wanted to hang out on the beach?"

"Nah, I've got an early meeting tomorrow."

We said our goodbyes and left. For a while we drove in silence. Finally she squeezed my hand and said "I'm sorry I was such a pyscho bitch last night."

I squeezed her hand back. "It's all my fault. I'm sorry for being such an idiot."

She leaned her head against my shoulder and I put my arm around her. We drove that way for a while. It felt good.

After a while she said, "You know, nothing happened with Scott. I just like him, we're buds."

I didn't know what to say. How could I tell her I'd RATHER she have a meaningless fuck rather than develop a real relationship with him. Finally I said "Jack told me he's a real player." I'd rather not have reminded her of my talk with Jack and braced for another outburst, but I wanted to make sure she knew that Scott was after more than just a platonic relationship.

She paused, and then said "Okay, good to know."

Then she said (with a smile in her voice), "Did you hear all the sex last night?" I noticed the abrupt change of topic. I suspected she wanted to change the subject away from Scott.

I played along and laughed. "Matt and Annie were going at it on the sofa next to me."

"So, did you get any big boy?" she teased me.

"I had a date with Mr. Hand," I said, a little embarrassed. "How about you?"

"Wait, first I want to know what you were thinking about," she said giggling. "Matt and Annie?"

"More like what you and Allie were doing in the loft bedroom." I laughed like it was a joke, but that was the truth.

She pulled away and looked at me with a surprised crooked grin. "You fantasize about me and Allie?"

"Well ..." That's not what I was thinking but I couldn't say I'd never thought about it, they were both super hot.

"Oh my god," she said a shocked delighted smile on her face. "I can't wait to tell Allie."

"Oh god please don't" I said with a fake moan of pain.

"Come on, she doesn't hate you like you think," she said with a playful hit to my arm. "She told me I should go to you last night."

"You're kidding," I said shocked.

"She likes you Mike," Jen said, her tone going from playful to serious. "You're a really good guy, you really are," she added, running her fingertips along my leg (I was wearing shorts). I got hard, and she noticed.

Then she did something she hadn't done since we first started dating in college. She unzipped my pants and took out my cock, and went down on me. She slowly bobbed up and down on my shaft while I tried to keep us on the road. I came fast, which is probably why we didn't get into an accident. Afterwards she leaned against me and I put my arm around her, and she fell asleep.

As she slept I chided myself for doubting her. There was nothing going on between her and Scott, they were just friends. She had lots of guy friends. I had to stop all my demented thinking, it was going to hurt our relationship. She loved me, she was mine, I had to stop being so insecure.

As we entered the City, I thought about how much I loved my wife, and how lucky I was to have her.