20-04-2019, 09:51 PM
Maria had left before the phone rang at precisely 11:57 PM. The number came up Unavailable. Contessa Helena de San Finzione flipped it open and answered.
"Million bucks says you're using a voice scrambler."
"You win, Miss Parker," came the scrambled voice on the other end of the line. "How would you like that million?"
"I was thinking 'Gimme your address, and I'll exploit a dying man into making a suicide attack on you.' Seems only fair."
The voice on the other end made a mechanical-sounding chuckle.
"I presume your tech people are tracing this call. If my tech people are doing their job, they should track it to the Mars Rover. I also presume that you've not yet figured out who I am, Helen."
"Well, you fancy yourself clever. You think addressing me by my maiden name will somehow rattle me; and on that note, despite the scrambler and all the money and collegeing, a man can never scrub all the Yorkshire out of his accent. So, my money's on 'Rich Asshole Who Thinks He Can Blofeld His Way Into My Pants.' Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me there's some Shadow Chamber or Sinister Cabal behind all this, and it's not just your candy ass. Fair warning: If the answer is some fucking 'only one who might appreciate my genius' horseshit, you automatically forfeit any chance you MIGHT presently have of getting into them."
"Afraid not," he replied. "Just me. And whereas I'm sure fucking you would be the experience of a lifetime, I must be honest; a decent portion of my plan DID involve that killing you."
"Yeah, I got told I was a disappointment a lot as a kid. So, you really think Springheel is worth going to all this?"
There was a pause on the other end.
"It would appear that I am not the only one who fancies themselves clever. But yes, originally, my intention was to keep you from finding out that Springheel works, just like they promise in the video."
"Well, you fucked that one up, Yorkshire," she said, taking a long drag. "I mean, I get that's why you did it, but why go to all the trouble of dragging the Triads into it, tracking down a deaf man to kill me, blowing up the Ministry? 'Why me, in particular' I guess, would be my question."
"The first was to see if the legends about Contessa Helena de San Finzione were true. That she has a way of wrangling the wills of men. Beyond how all women are able to do so, that is. That no man or woman can resist her charms; that she strides up to every negotiation table knowing what she wants, and strides away with all of it. If that's who she is, why hasn't she simply stridden onto television and conquered the world by now? Given your troubled past, I thought 'Sex Trade: That's how to get her attention!' You've probably realized by now that this isn't Raymond Chen."
"Heh," Helena replied. "Figured that one out in my sleep. No, really, I'm not bragging. That is exactly what I did."
"I had Morgan ready to go in case I was correct that it's in how one hears your command, so being unable to hear it at all would protect someone from your little talent. I might have sent him anyway, though. The attempt still would have caused you to cancel that meeting, and it would have been a shame to waste a man so willing to throw his life away for money."
"I'd already concluded most of that. You filled in a gap or two. Ya know, you helped. Oh yeah! While I've got you on the line: The little glass vial; we never did find out what was in that. What was it?"
"San Finzione White Zinfandel," he answered. "I told him it was a fast-acting poison. He told me why poison on a knife is practically worthless and that it smelled like wine; I told him that there had been some advancements made in poisons since he got out of the game." Helena practically heard him shrug on the other end. "It made him feel better about the task ahead of him. The final part of the answer to your 'why you' question, Miss Parker, is because I wanted Springheel for myself, because only a handful of people stood a chance of getting it out from under me, and because I knew you would be the most formidable competition."
"And you would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling Ultimados. Now, I'm still alive, I want it more, and you know I'll get it." She thought a moment. "Wanted. Past tense. So, you don't want it anymore?"
"No, Miss Parker. I wanted it because I'm someone who likes the world just the way it is. I profit immensely from the Status Quo. A war here, a famine there, a pestilence somewhere else, it doesn't just put food on my table, it puts coke on the tits of my ten-thousand dollar whores. Heh, I'd send Christmas cards to the Four Horsemen if I could. Whoever loses, I always win.
"And I like that arrangement, Miss Parker. This Planet of the Assholes, this runaway ship, burning and sinking simultaneously, with the Three Stooges at the helm; this never-ending political/religious dick-measuring contest; I love it, and I want to keep the party going. Human nature does most of my work for me, but a balance that delicate requires protection. Springheel can upset it, or keep it just where it is. I like the second idea more, and that was why I wanted it. But now? Now I NEED it. To protect myself from you."
"Million bucks says you're using a voice scrambler."
"You win, Miss Parker," came the scrambled voice on the other end of the line. "How would you like that million?"
"I was thinking 'Gimme your address, and I'll exploit a dying man into making a suicide attack on you.' Seems only fair."
The voice on the other end made a mechanical-sounding chuckle.
"I presume your tech people are tracing this call. If my tech people are doing their job, they should track it to the Mars Rover. I also presume that you've not yet figured out who I am, Helen."
"Well, you fancy yourself clever. You think addressing me by my maiden name will somehow rattle me; and on that note, despite the scrambler and all the money and collegeing, a man can never scrub all the Yorkshire out of his accent. So, my money's on 'Rich Asshole Who Thinks He Can Blofeld His Way Into My Pants.' Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me there's some Shadow Chamber or Sinister Cabal behind all this, and it's not just your candy ass. Fair warning: If the answer is some fucking 'only one who might appreciate my genius' horseshit, you automatically forfeit any chance you MIGHT presently have of getting into them."
"Afraid not," he replied. "Just me. And whereas I'm sure fucking you would be the experience of a lifetime, I must be honest; a decent portion of my plan DID involve that killing you."
"Yeah, I got told I was a disappointment a lot as a kid. So, you really think Springheel is worth going to all this?"
There was a pause on the other end.
"It would appear that I am not the only one who fancies themselves clever. But yes, originally, my intention was to keep you from finding out that Springheel works, just like they promise in the video."
"Well, you fucked that one up, Yorkshire," she said, taking a long drag. "I mean, I get that's why you did it, but why go to all the trouble of dragging the Triads into it, tracking down a deaf man to kill me, blowing up the Ministry? 'Why me, in particular' I guess, would be my question."
"The first was to see if the legends about Contessa Helena de San Finzione were true. That she has a way of wrangling the wills of men. Beyond how all women are able to do so, that is. That no man or woman can resist her charms; that she strides up to every negotiation table knowing what she wants, and strides away with all of it. If that's who she is, why hasn't she simply stridden onto television and conquered the world by now? Given your troubled past, I thought 'Sex Trade: That's how to get her attention!' You've probably realized by now that this isn't Raymond Chen."
"Heh," Helena replied. "Figured that one out in my sleep. No, really, I'm not bragging. That is exactly what I did."
"I had Morgan ready to go in case I was correct that it's in how one hears your command, so being unable to hear it at all would protect someone from your little talent. I might have sent him anyway, though. The attempt still would have caused you to cancel that meeting, and it would have been a shame to waste a man so willing to throw his life away for money."
"I'd already concluded most of that. You filled in a gap or two. Ya know, you helped. Oh yeah! While I've got you on the line: The little glass vial; we never did find out what was in that. What was it?"
"San Finzione White Zinfandel," he answered. "I told him it was a fast-acting poison. He told me why poison on a knife is practically worthless and that it smelled like wine; I told him that there had been some advancements made in poisons since he got out of the game." Helena practically heard him shrug on the other end. "It made him feel better about the task ahead of him. The final part of the answer to your 'why you' question, Miss Parker, is because I wanted Springheel for myself, because only a handful of people stood a chance of getting it out from under me, and because I knew you would be the most formidable competition."
"And you would've gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling Ultimados. Now, I'm still alive, I want it more, and you know I'll get it." She thought a moment. "Wanted. Past tense. So, you don't want it anymore?"
"No, Miss Parker. I wanted it because I'm someone who likes the world just the way it is. I profit immensely from the Status Quo. A war here, a famine there, a pestilence somewhere else, it doesn't just put food on my table, it puts coke on the tits of my ten-thousand dollar whores. Heh, I'd send Christmas cards to the Four Horsemen if I could. Whoever loses, I always win.
"And I like that arrangement, Miss Parker. This Planet of the Assholes, this runaway ship, burning and sinking simultaneously, with the Three Stooges at the helm; this never-ending political/religious dick-measuring contest; I love it, and I want to keep the party going. Human nature does most of my work for me, but a balance that delicate requires protection. Springheel can upset it, or keep it just where it is. I like the second idea more, and that was why I wanted it. But now? Now I NEED it. To protect myself from you."
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