15-12-2018, 03:28 PM
The Unwanted (?) Houseguest Ch. 25 Pt. 2
Finally, I could think by myself.
Why was I still here?
After Amir beat me up so blatantly in front of Kavita, I should have left.
Perhaps I should have gone to the security officer.
They would both have been in trouble then. And he would have 'deserved' it, and she too.
It didn't seem right, though. Using 'external' help, I would still come across as less of a man. And no doubt, Kavita would grab the opportunity to rub it into my nose, if she didn't end up behind bars as a result. And I suspected I didn't have hard evidence to put even Amir behind bars.
Regardless of the fact that he beat me again, end of the day, we were two men, wanting the same woman. It didn't feel right to call in other people to adjudicate.
If I wanted to 'win' Kavita, I had to do it by myself.
On the other hand, if I knew for sure that I was going to 'lose' her, I could make it bad for her, or Amir, along the way. It was a consideration I had started thinking about, but I wasn't ready yet, to acknowledge the possibility that I was losing her to Amir.
It was seeming more and more likely as her affair had been progressing, that I was going to lose her. But the fear of losing Kavita TO Amir for good, was essentially what was keeping me here, still. I could 'protect' myself by packing my bags and walking out, but that would essentially acknowledge 'defeat', and effectively 'hand over' Kavita to Amir. That would be more cowardly than even what I was doing now. And it was something I desperately wanted to avoid doing, even now.
My mind then wandered, and wandered around to her 'suggestion'.
Wearing those humiliating clothes again.
Was I now getting more angry? More frustrated?
It was in a way true. The sheer fact that Amir wasn't directly 'pushing me around', was making me more frustrated over Kavita's open relationship with him. And my frustration was building, as I avoided interacting with her, as much as I could. And it ended up making me feel angry towards Amir, and it was part of the reason why I had tried to contact Gowri, and had responded to her SMS message, trying to actively manipulate them into a confrontation.
Earlier on, when I had worn those feminine womens' clothes, a part of me did it because I felt 'handicapped' then: for nearly two weeks of that time, my left arm was in a cast.
But I had worn those pyjamas even before Amir had caused my arm to be in a cast. Even after finding out from Kavita's own mouth, that they were womens' pyjamas. And all along, Amir had been pushing me around, putting me down. Which had the effect of leaving me feeling defeated, but not angry.
Was there some truth to what she had just said?
I had been frustrated, then too. I had felt helpless, then too. But the defeated feeling seemed to rationalize the feeling of helplessness...
I did feel more 'reconciled' to what had happened, subconsciously.
Seeing Amir strut his physique about the house, in front of me...seeing him fondle, fool around with, grope Kavita, seeing him get kissed by her, all when wearing those humiliating womens' clothes...did effectively keep my frustration levels lower...by making me feel subjugated, and reconciled to my subjugation.
Should I try it after all?
There was no good achieved by my staying frustrated.
I might as well try out what she said. I couldn't do much at this point, regarding how far Kavita's affair with Amir had progressed, anyway, so there was nothing good achieved by my STAYING frustrated over it.
Thinking that something good could possibly come out of it, I drifted off to sleep.
-------------------------------------------------
I woke up in the morning to an empty bed.
Naturally. Kavita had gotten up before me, and had probably gone to work out, with Amir.
I pondered over Kavita's suggestion again.
Eventually, I couldn't stop myself.
Perhaps it was desperation from my side.
Perhaps if I did as she said, she would notice it, and it would get her back on my side, or, at least, back to sleeping with me at night.
I prepared coffee for the three of us, and went to take my bath shortly afterward.
As I went to collect my change clothes, I reflected one last time, at the clothes shelf.
Kavita had left the panties Amir had 'gifted' me in a separate stack.
Finally, I could think by myself.
Why was I still here?
After Amir beat me up so blatantly in front of Kavita, I should have left.
Perhaps I should have gone to the security officer.
They would both have been in trouble then. And he would have 'deserved' it, and she too.
It didn't seem right, though. Using 'external' help, I would still come across as less of a man. And no doubt, Kavita would grab the opportunity to rub it into my nose, if she didn't end up behind bars as a result. And I suspected I didn't have hard evidence to put even Amir behind bars.
Regardless of the fact that he beat me again, end of the day, we were two men, wanting the same woman. It didn't feel right to call in other people to adjudicate.
If I wanted to 'win' Kavita, I had to do it by myself.
On the other hand, if I knew for sure that I was going to 'lose' her, I could make it bad for her, or Amir, along the way. It was a consideration I had started thinking about, but I wasn't ready yet, to acknowledge the possibility that I was losing her to Amir.
It was seeming more and more likely as her affair had been progressing, that I was going to lose her. But the fear of losing Kavita TO Amir for good, was essentially what was keeping me here, still. I could 'protect' myself by packing my bags and walking out, but that would essentially acknowledge 'defeat', and effectively 'hand over' Kavita to Amir. That would be more cowardly than even what I was doing now. And it was something I desperately wanted to avoid doing, even now.
My mind then wandered, and wandered around to her 'suggestion'.
Wearing those humiliating clothes again.
Was I now getting more angry? More frustrated?
It was in a way true. The sheer fact that Amir wasn't directly 'pushing me around', was making me more frustrated over Kavita's open relationship with him. And my frustration was building, as I avoided interacting with her, as much as I could. And it ended up making me feel angry towards Amir, and it was part of the reason why I had tried to contact Gowri, and had responded to her SMS message, trying to actively manipulate them into a confrontation.
Earlier on, when I had worn those feminine womens' clothes, a part of me did it because I felt 'handicapped' then: for nearly two weeks of that time, my left arm was in a cast.
But I had worn those pyjamas even before Amir had caused my arm to be in a cast. Even after finding out from Kavita's own mouth, that they were womens' pyjamas. And all along, Amir had been pushing me around, putting me down. Which had the effect of leaving me feeling defeated, but not angry.
Was there some truth to what she had just said?
I had been frustrated, then too. I had felt helpless, then too. But the defeated feeling seemed to rationalize the feeling of helplessness...
I did feel more 'reconciled' to what had happened, subconsciously.
Seeing Amir strut his physique about the house, in front of me...seeing him fondle, fool around with, grope Kavita, seeing him get kissed by her, all when wearing those humiliating womens' clothes...did effectively keep my frustration levels lower...by making me feel subjugated, and reconciled to my subjugation.
Should I try it after all?
There was no good achieved by my staying frustrated.
I might as well try out what she said. I couldn't do much at this point, regarding how far Kavita's affair with Amir had progressed, anyway, so there was nothing good achieved by my STAYING frustrated over it.
Thinking that something good could possibly come out of it, I drifted off to sleep.
-------------------------------------------------
I woke up in the morning to an empty bed.
Naturally. Kavita had gotten up before me, and had probably gone to work out, with Amir.
I pondered over Kavita's suggestion again.
Eventually, I couldn't stop myself.
Perhaps it was desperation from my side.
Perhaps if I did as she said, she would notice it, and it would get her back on my side, or, at least, back to sleeping with me at night.
I prepared coffee for the three of us, and went to take my bath shortly afterward.
As I went to collect my change clothes, I reflected one last time, at the clothes shelf.
Kavita had left the panties Amir had 'gifted' me in a separate stack.
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