12-04-2019, 03:36 PM
La Contessa's face filled the screens of every TV in San Finzione. She started making goofy faces at the camera, before suddenly being whacked over the head with a rubber chicken. Rita Delvecchio, in her La Contessa makeup, pretended to have been knocked silly and collapsed beneath the camera's view. The real Contessa Helena de San Finzione stepped in and took her place, letting the rubber chicken slip from her hand onto the floor.
"Good Morning, San Finzione!" She cheered in Italian, as stagehands pretended to drag Rita off camera. Another collected the rubber chicken. The main government television channel showed subtitles in English, with a notice that subtitles in the other two official languages of San Finzione; Spanish, and French, were available on other State channels. "I don't usually come on the air and address you like this, but it's a very silly and very special day, so I thought I'd explain what will be happening today. On this, San Finzione's first annual Festival of Cupid!"
Although she didn't have an audience present in Castle Finzione's studio, the crew cheered well enough.
"Of course, you've all seen the signs and commercials about how it's going to work." She said with a grand smile. "But since today's the day, I thought I'd refresh everyone. To help me explain, here is San Finzione's Minister of Science, Dr. Miguel Rocco, live from the Ministry's Loveology Labs."
The camera cut to a man in a lab coat with a clipboard. In the background behind him, people poured various liquids together to turn them red. A pair of men in lab coats pondered an elaborate equation with a lot of hearts and arrows in the formula.
"Gracias, Contessa." Dr. Rocco said, being more used to panel discussions on television than this sort of thing. "As you're aware, top... er... Loveologists at the Ministry have been working closely with Señor Cupid for many months; analyzing the letters that the People of San Finzione and touristas visiting our lovely nation from around the world on this day, have sent to him this past year."
He walked as he spoke, past a man and a woman behind him, who distilled a strange fluid into a bottle marked "Attrazione."
"Of course, although San Finzione is not a large nation, as we all know, Señor Cupid has very tiny wings; and so, we cannot possibly expect him to reach every lonely heart in San Finzione in a single day by himself. That is why science has come to his aid with this!"
Dr. Rocco approached a supercomputer that someone had stuck a big, heart-shaped sign onto that said "Agapetron 3000."
"Behold, the Agapetron 3000! Capable of calculating over two hundred billion possible romantic scenarios per second. For months, it has been analyzing your letters to Signor Cupid to find the most ideal matches possible." He turned to the computer. "Good morning, Agapetron 3000!" He said to the computer in French.
"Bonjour, Doctor." A mechanical-sounding woman's voice said from a speaker behind the sign, which lit up a heart-shaped light in time with her voice. "Je t'aime."
"French, of course," he turned to explain to the camera. "Is the optimal language in which to program a Love Computer." He turned back to the Agapetron. "I love you too, Agapetron 3000. Have you calculated which lucky citizens or visitors are going to receive a surprise visit? Are you ready to send the lists to Señor Cupid's helpers?"
"Oui, Mon Cheri." The speaker in the computer responded. "Sending them now."
There was a mix of whirring, spinning, old-timey computer sound effects for several seconds, which culminated in a "Ding!" at the end. Dr. Rocco blushed a little as he patted the computer and the French woman's voice cooed from the speaker. The camera cut back to La Contessa.
"Thank you, Doctor." La Contessa said back in the studio. "Now, of course, some have asked if there will be another... heh..." Helen chuckled to herself. "'Gathering in the park' like last year. Now, the Government of San Finzione cannot condone such activities. However, as a precaution for the sake of... er, enthusiastic revelers, St. Francis de Sales park will be closed to minors from 1800 hours tonight until 0600 tomorrow. La Policia will, of course, be making regular patrols if any citizens should require assistance; and respecting the privacy of any masked couples who do not request it."
A page emerged from offstage and handed La Contessa a thick envelope.
"Oh!" She said to the audience in mock surprise. "It appears my own list from the Agapetron 3000 is here. Yes, I, too, will be out there amongst you, assisting my dear friend Cupid today! As will three of his other helpers in the special red Zorro masks, whom you may also see walking around San Finzione today and tonight. Please do not interrupt them with other business or attempt to remove their masks, as they will be on official business for Signor Cupid and may be secretly watched over by both him and soldiers of La Squadra de Ultimados as they perform their duties. We will not be able to get to every letter sent, and of course, there are bound to be some who have asked more than Signor Cupid's tiny hands can deliver. But who knows? It might be me knocking on your door tonight, your letter in hand, to speak to you about your special request for my friend. I hope to see you out there today, San Finzione! And if we don't meet today? You don't need to wait for me or Cupid to come knocking. Get out and see what San Finzione has to offer you, too. And however this day ends for you, know that you already have La Contessa's love. Ciao!"
* * *
"Good Morning, San Finzione!" She cheered in Italian, as stagehands pretended to drag Rita off camera. Another collected the rubber chicken. The main government television channel showed subtitles in English, with a notice that subtitles in the other two official languages of San Finzione; Spanish, and French, were available on other State channels. "I don't usually come on the air and address you like this, but it's a very silly and very special day, so I thought I'd explain what will be happening today. On this, San Finzione's first annual Festival of Cupid!"
Although she didn't have an audience present in Castle Finzione's studio, the crew cheered well enough.
"Of course, you've all seen the signs and commercials about how it's going to work." She said with a grand smile. "But since today's the day, I thought I'd refresh everyone. To help me explain, here is San Finzione's Minister of Science, Dr. Miguel Rocco, live from the Ministry's Loveology Labs."
The camera cut to a man in a lab coat with a clipboard. In the background behind him, people poured various liquids together to turn them red. A pair of men in lab coats pondered an elaborate equation with a lot of hearts and arrows in the formula.
"Gracias, Contessa." Dr. Rocco said, being more used to panel discussions on television than this sort of thing. "As you're aware, top... er... Loveologists at the Ministry have been working closely with Señor Cupid for many months; analyzing the letters that the People of San Finzione and touristas visiting our lovely nation from around the world on this day, have sent to him this past year."
He walked as he spoke, past a man and a woman behind him, who distilled a strange fluid into a bottle marked "Attrazione."
"Of course, although San Finzione is not a large nation, as we all know, Señor Cupid has very tiny wings; and so, we cannot possibly expect him to reach every lonely heart in San Finzione in a single day by himself. That is why science has come to his aid with this!"
Dr. Rocco approached a supercomputer that someone had stuck a big, heart-shaped sign onto that said "Agapetron 3000."
"Behold, the Agapetron 3000! Capable of calculating over two hundred billion possible romantic scenarios per second. For months, it has been analyzing your letters to Signor Cupid to find the most ideal matches possible." He turned to the computer. "Good morning, Agapetron 3000!" He said to the computer in French.
"Bonjour, Doctor." A mechanical-sounding woman's voice said from a speaker behind the sign, which lit up a heart-shaped light in time with her voice. "Je t'aime."
"French, of course," he turned to explain to the camera. "Is the optimal language in which to program a Love Computer." He turned back to the Agapetron. "I love you too, Agapetron 3000. Have you calculated which lucky citizens or visitors are going to receive a surprise visit? Are you ready to send the lists to Señor Cupid's helpers?"
"Oui, Mon Cheri." The speaker in the computer responded. "Sending them now."
There was a mix of whirring, spinning, old-timey computer sound effects for several seconds, which culminated in a "Ding!" at the end. Dr. Rocco blushed a little as he patted the computer and the French woman's voice cooed from the speaker. The camera cut back to La Contessa.
"Thank you, Doctor." La Contessa said back in the studio. "Now, of course, some have asked if there will be another... heh..." Helen chuckled to herself. "'Gathering in the park' like last year. Now, the Government of San Finzione cannot condone such activities. However, as a precaution for the sake of... er, enthusiastic revelers, St. Francis de Sales park will be closed to minors from 1800 hours tonight until 0600 tomorrow. La Policia will, of course, be making regular patrols if any citizens should require assistance; and respecting the privacy of any masked couples who do not request it."
A page emerged from offstage and handed La Contessa a thick envelope.
"Oh!" She said to the audience in mock surprise. "It appears my own list from the Agapetron 3000 is here. Yes, I, too, will be out there amongst you, assisting my dear friend Cupid today! As will three of his other helpers in the special red Zorro masks, whom you may also see walking around San Finzione today and tonight. Please do not interrupt them with other business or attempt to remove their masks, as they will be on official business for Signor Cupid and may be secretly watched over by both him and soldiers of La Squadra de Ultimados as they perform their duties. We will not be able to get to every letter sent, and of course, there are bound to be some who have asked more than Signor Cupid's tiny hands can deliver. But who knows? It might be me knocking on your door tonight, your letter in hand, to speak to you about your special request for my friend. I hope to see you out there today, San Finzione! And if we don't meet today? You don't need to wait for me or Cupid to come knocking. Get out and see what San Finzione has to offer you, too. And however this day ends for you, know that you already have La Contessa's love. Ciao!"
* * *
Like, Comment and Give Rating.
![[+]](https://xossipy.com/themes/sharepoint/collapse_collapsed.png)