06-04-2019, 06:22 PM
Susan Takes Charge Pt. 07
By Special Guest Author Susan Bailey and T. MaskedWriter
"And as you join the Good Ship Earth, and you mingle with the dust,
be sure to leave your underpants with someone you can trust.
And the hard-headed social worker who bathes his hands in blood
will welcome you with arms held high and cover you with mud.
And he'll say 'you really should make a deal' as he offers round the hat.
Well, you'd better lick your fingers clean. Well, I'll thank you all for that."
-Jethro Tull, "Lick Your Fingers Clean"
The next morning, Lucinda de San Finzione walked through the halls of the Business Wing of Castle Finzione to her office. Conversation ceased as she passed, and everyone turned to stare. None would dare utter a word or make eye contact as she strode amongst them. The ones who'd been present for her humiliation were too scared to utter a sound, and the ones who'd been smart enough not to attend knew better. Calling attention to oneself at this moment would be death. She didn't slam the door as she closed it behind her, but the relative quiet made it loud enough to seem like she had.
She sat at her desk, bowed her head, and produced a rosary from her purse. As she prayed, a maid entered carrying a tray with a cup of tea and a newspaper. She quietly set the tea before Lucinda on the desk and stood by while she finished her prayer, picked up the tea, and took a sip. In the middle of her second sip, the newspaper was dropped onto her desk.
The front-page photo was of her, covered in the corpses of multiple pies. It was an English-language paper instead of her usual Italian; and the headline above it read "Lucinda's Lock-In Lists Loony-Toons." She looked up at the maid. She saw me. Hi, my name's Susan Bailey. (Sorry for the unusual intro, but I think you see now that I was going for something.)
"The Italian paper's headline wasn't as funny." I explained to her in that language. "Before you say anything about the maid's uniform, Lucinda, I gave one a hundred euros to let me borrow it and told the assistant you make fetch your tea every morning that I'd take care of this for him. Don't hold it against him. I used my 'status' as a friend of La Familia Royale and said I had a private matter to discuss with you. I did all this to make two points.
"The first was that I could very well have put on a servant's outfit and helped Jeanne out if she'd needed it. That's La Contessa's maid's name, by the way, Jeanne. If Jeanne, Helen, Maria, or someone else I respect needed it of me. I have that skill set. You see, Lucinda, I've done this thing called 'work a day in my life,' and I'd have no problem doing it again. Work is a word that's in the Bible AND the Dictionary."
The look on Lucinda's face was one that I wish I'd readied a camera for. The "what the hell..." from my paper drop hadn't completely faded before the look of recognition and seething hatred of "how fucking DARE you" mingled with the confusion of "wait a minute, who the fuck does something like this" and the corpse of the quip about my wearing the maid's uniform that I'd taken down before it passed her lips was worth the hundred euros to set it up. This close, I could also see the bleariness of having had a couple herself when she got home last night. All of it combined into a visual that caused me to attain Total Spiritual Enlightenment with regards to the meaning of the word "flabbergasted."
She took another sip of tea to try to recover. The next word was still mine, so I took it.
"The second reason was to give weight to my suggestion that you tear up those plans for the twins. And to give you things to think about if you have any more plans for them. Because I don't know if you noticed, Lucinda, but something very curious happened just now. Do you know what that was? I put on a maid's costume and brought you your newspaper and morning tea.
"And do you know what you did, Lucinda? You picked up that tea and you DRANK it! Without even looking to see who I was. Like I knew you wouldn't. And if I'd just said nothing and walked away, you'd never have known it was me." I gave that a second to sink in, and when she was still shocked, I took something out of my pocket.
By Special Guest Author Susan Bailey and T. MaskedWriter
"And as you join the Good Ship Earth, and you mingle with the dust,
be sure to leave your underpants with someone you can trust.
And the hard-headed social worker who bathes his hands in blood
will welcome you with arms held high and cover you with mud.
And he'll say 'you really should make a deal' as he offers round the hat.
Well, you'd better lick your fingers clean. Well, I'll thank you all for that."
-Jethro Tull, "Lick Your Fingers Clean"
The next morning, Lucinda de San Finzione walked through the halls of the Business Wing of Castle Finzione to her office. Conversation ceased as she passed, and everyone turned to stare. None would dare utter a word or make eye contact as she strode amongst them. The ones who'd been present for her humiliation were too scared to utter a sound, and the ones who'd been smart enough not to attend knew better. Calling attention to oneself at this moment would be death. She didn't slam the door as she closed it behind her, but the relative quiet made it loud enough to seem like she had.
She sat at her desk, bowed her head, and produced a rosary from her purse. As she prayed, a maid entered carrying a tray with a cup of tea and a newspaper. She quietly set the tea before Lucinda on the desk and stood by while she finished her prayer, picked up the tea, and took a sip. In the middle of her second sip, the newspaper was dropped onto her desk.
The front-page photo was of her, covered in the corpses of multiple pies. It was an English-language paper instead of her usual Italian; and the headline above it read "Lucinda's Lock-In Lists Loony-Toons." She looked up at the maid. She saw me. Hi, my name's Susan Bailey. (Sorry for the unusual intro, but I think you see now that I was going for something.)
"The Italian paper's headline wasn't as funny." I explained to her in that language. "Before you say anything about the maid's uniform, Lucinda, I gave one a hundred euros to let me borrow it and told the assistant you make fetch your tea every morning that I'd take care of this for him. Don't hold it against him. I used my 'status' as a friend of La Familia Royale and said I had a private matter to discuss with you. I did all this to make two points.
"The first was that I could very well have put on a servant's outfit and helped Jeanne out if she'd needed it. That's La Contessa's maid's name, by the way, Jeanne. If Jeanne, Helen, Maria, or someone else I respect needed it of me. I have that skill set. You see, Lucinda, I've done this thing called 'work a day in my life,' and I'd have no problem doing it again. Work is a word that's in the Bible AND the Dictionary."
The look on Lucinda's face was one that I wish I'd readied a camera for. The "what the hell..." from my paper drop hadn't completely faded before the look of recognition and seething hatred of "how fucking DARE you" mingled with the confusion of "wait a minute, who the fuck does something like this" and the corpse of the quip about my wearing the maid's uniform that I'd taken down before it passed her lips was worth the hundred euros to set it up. This close, I could also see the bleariness of having had a couple herself when she got home last night. All of it combined into a visual that caused me to attain Total Spiritual Enlightenment with regards to the meaning of the word "flabbergasted."
She took another sip of tea to try to recover. The next word was still mine, so I took it.
"The second reason was to give weight to my suggestion that you tear up those plans for the twins. And to give you things to think about if you have any more plans for them. Because I don't know if you noticed, Lucinda, but something very curious happened just now. Do you know what that was? I put on a maid's costume and brought you your newspaper and morning tea.
"And do you know what you did, Lucinda? You picked up that tea and you DRANK it! Without even looking to see who I was. Like I knew you wouldn't. And if I'd just said nothing and walked away, you'd never have known it was me." I gave that a second to sink in, and when she was still shocked, I took something out of my pocket.
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