04-04-2019, 04:18 PM
Some applauded as they looked for Lucinda. Most were carrying plates or seated at the tables, so settled for tapping silverware against glasses or dishes. I looked over at the gift table, which was about a third full. Large stuffed animals stood over toys that they wouldn't be ready to play with for years. A little battery-operated kids' car was parked in front of the table. Someone had given the twins a pair of cork guns. Did anyone even MAKE cork guns anymore? Or had someone gone home and grabbed an old toy off a shelf or from a box in the attic? The presence of a dusty Easy-Bake Oven told me "probably the second one." A page like the one who'd gotten me from Colleen's house back when all this started was holding a purse and a clipboard so the guests who'd brought the envelopes of cash could make certain La Contessa knew who'd given the twins how much. One corner was taken up by a pile of onesies, sun-hats, pacifiers, and rattles, all with the words "San Finzione" on them in bright, friendly letters. A number of them bore the silhouette of Castle Finzione on top of La Collina that served as the castle's logo on signs and tourists' clothing like these items.
"And all the little tourist clothes from the castle gift shop?" Rita continued. "Just adorable! You know, I've been getting a LOT of parenting advice lately, whether I ask or not; and with twins, you'd think the advice only doubles, but that's not even cutting it close. And none of it; the books, the doctors, the other parents, the random people who think having a child equates to wanting their opinions; suggested making the boys wear the name and picture of their home in case they ever forget where they live or what country they'll someday rule. It's very thoughtful. Now, I know some of you have brought special gifts..."
She started looking out over the crowd. I reached into my own purse.
"Well, Lucinda." I told her, making a show of turning to one side to reach into the bag. "It's time for me to be exactly what you think I am: Uncultured, American swine."
She leaned in close to look at what I might be getting out of my purse. I pulled out an envelope of my own as swiftly as possible, using the motion to elbow Lucinda in the stomach. She managed to keep from doubling over but dropped her envelope.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that, sweetie!" I said in a voice that I used to use after refilling the coffee cup of some asshole who'd been a bit too loud telling his buddy what he'd like to do to the waitress and "accidentally" knocking it onto him. Which, I'm terribly sorry, sir. I must not have seen it because those titties you were telling your friend you wanted to do all those things to got in the way. Let me go get you another cup and some paper towels.
"Thank you, Helen!" I said loudly, and in English, as I made my way through the crowd to Rita. "My friend, Contessa Helena de San Finzione, everyone." I commanded again once I felt I was far enough away from Lucinda. I started applauding, and the mixture of applause and clinking dishware returned. "I'm sorry, I couldn't contain my excitement any longer. I'm from America you know, everyone says we're rude like that. And I'm so proud of my gift that I just couldn't contain myself any longer and just had to be first." I looked in Lucinda's direction. "I'm sure there will be better, more expensive ones, but this is so cool, I just HAD to be first."
I presented the envelope to Rita.
"Some of you may or may not know that I am a serious Trekkie; yes, girls can like Star Trek, too. And, well, I've enrolled Vincenzo and Byroni in Star Fleet Academy!" I excitedly told the crowd. "I printed out the details earlier, it's a kooky little summer camp that some fans have come up with. A Star Trek camping experience. The kids go on 'away missions' into the forest, always supervised by adults in red shirts. I mean, you don't think they're gonna make the kids the Redshirts, do ya?" I laughed. "They play little Star Trek trivia games and teach the kids the values of the Federation; something any future ruler should learn. It's a few years off, of course, but whenever they're ready for it, I've gotten a lifetime enrollment for both of them." I looked directly at Lucinda for the next part. "And I can't think there's a better set of values and ethics for the future rulers of San Finzione to learn early on than those."
Rita's reaction was to give me the most delighted of Helen's patented Delighted-to-Meet-You smiles before also turning to Lucinda.
"Thank you, Susan. You're right, there will probably be more extravagant, lavish gifts than yours; but I know that yours comes from the heart, and that you only have their best interests in mind. We accept!"
La Familia cheered on cue. This was something else we planned at the meeting before we all broke up to perform our individual tasks.
"We have a good enough idea of what Lucinda's gift is going to be." I told the others as I turned on Helen's computer and printer. "I need to do what I heard a guy in a mobster movie once describe as 'taking the jam out of her donut.' I read about this cool thing and thought about getting it for them a couple years from now, but if I can take a big shit on Lucinda's gift by being sure to proudly, boisterously give them mine first, that's a far better cause."
The cheers hadn't been overwhelming, but they didn't need to be. They just needed to be loud enough to ensure that if Lucinda tried to give hers right after, it would make her look as foolish as... well, as going to a party wearing the same outfit as Helen and trying to follow her act, I suppose.
I stepped back and took a little bow. Like Lucinda, I had more than one goal tonight, and the second was about to be achieved.
* * *
"And all the little tourist clothes from the castle gift shop?" Rita continued. "Just adorable! You know, I've been getting a LOT of parenting advice lately, whether I ask or not; and with twins, you'd think the advice only doubles, but that's not even cutting it close. And none of it; the books, the doctors, the other parents, the random people who think having a child equates to wanting their opinions; suggested making the boys wear the name and picture of their home in case they ever forget where they live or what country they'll someday rule. It's very thoughtful. Now, I know some of you have brought special gifts..."
She started looking out over the crowd. I reached into my own purse.
"Well, Lucinda." I told her, making a show of turning to one side to reach into the bag. "It's time for me to be exactly what you think I am: Uncultured, American swine."
She leaned in close to look at what I might be getting out of my purse. I pulled out an envelope of my own as swiftly as possible, using the motion to elbow Lucinda in the stomach. She managed to keep from doubling over but dropped her envelope.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that, sweetie!" I said in a voice that I used to use after refilling the coffee cup of some asshole who'd been a bit too loud telling his buddy what he'd like to do to the waitress and "accidentally" knocking it onto him. Which, I'm terribly sorry, sir. I must not have seen it because those titties you were telling your friend you wanted to do all those things to got in the way. Let me go get you another cup and some paper towels.
"Thank you, Helen!" I said loudly, and in English, as I made my way through the crowd to Rita. "My friend, Contessa Helena de San Finzione, everyone." I commanded again once I felt I was far enough away from Lucinda. I started applauding, and the mixture of applause and clinking dishware returned. "I'm sorry, I couldn't contain my excitement any longer. I'm from America you know, everyone says we're rude like that. And I'm so proud of my gift that I just couldn't contain myself any longer and just had to be first." I looked in Lucinda's direction. "I'm sure there will be better, more expensive ones, but this is so cool, I just HAD to be first."
I presented the envelope to Rita.
"Some of you may or may not know that I am a serious Trekkie; yes, girls can like Star Trek, too. And, well, I've enrolled Vincenzo and Byroni in Star Fleet Academy!" I excitedly told the crowd. "I printed out the details earlier, it's a kooky little summer camp that some fans have come up with. A Star Trek camping experience. The kids go on 'away missions' into the forest, always supervised by adults in red shirts. I mean, you don't think they're gonna make the kids the Redshirts, do ya?" I laughed. "They play little Star Trek trivia games and teach the kids the values of the Federation; something any future ruler should learn. It's a few years off, of course, but whenever they're ready for it, I've gotten a lifetime enrollment for both of them." I looked directly at Lucinda for the next part. "And I can't think there's a better set of values and ethics for the future rulers of San Finzione to learn early on than those."
Rita's reaction was to give me the most delighted of Helen's patented Delighted-to-Meet-You smiles before also turning to Lucinda.
"Thank you, Susan. You're right, there will probably be more extravagant, lavish gifts than yours; but I know that yours comes from the heart, and that you only have their best interests in mind. We accept!"
La Familia cheered on cue. This was something else we planned at the meeting before we all broke up to perform our individual tasks.
"We have a good enough idea of what Lucinda's gift is going to be." I told the others as I turned on Helen's computer and printer. "I need to do what I heard a guy in a mobster movie once describe as 'taking the jam out of her donut.' I read about this cool thing and thought about getting it for them a couple years from now, but if I can take a big shit on Lucinda's gift by being sure to proudly, boisterously give them mine first, that's a far better cause."
The cheers hadn't been overwhelming, but they didn't need to be. They just needed to be loud enough to ensure that if Lucinda tried to give hers right after, it would make her look as foolish as... well, as going to a party wearing the same outfit as Helen and trying to follow her act, I suppose.
I stepped back and took a little bow. Like Lucinda, I had more than one goal tonight, and the second was about to be achieved.
* * *
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