03-04-2019, 04:52 PM
"But Trans-Universal's Corporate Giving Program is where one truly learns whom Troilus Equals is. Discreetly supporting so many worthwhile causes, never seeking any accolades. The only 'thank you' they ask is the tax receipt and their anonymity. They claim their deductions, of course, but claim no expenses on the Program itself, not even giving himself a salary for running it, which would be completely legal. Except the one dollar a year that the President, Treasurer, and CEO pays himself, of course. Completely legitimate; every 'i' dotted, every 't' crossed, and all completely beneath anyone's notice or care. Lots of news shows would just love to do a human-interest story about him if they knew. 'Troilus Equals: The 28-Year-Old Multi-Millionaire Philanthropist You've Never Heard Of.' Kinda sickens me, really."
"Mr. Whyte," Troy's voice came from her side. "I proposed to my best friend, and she said yes. Her father entrusted me with a firearm to defend his daughter. The Colonel often compliments me on my handshake. My secret is that my workouts focus on grip, arm, and upper body strength. My reason for THAT is a secret worry that, on the day Daddy's Little Girl squeezes my hand bringing his first grandchild into the world, my Partner-In-Everything may very well rip off my arm and beat me with it. This morning, she did something to me with her mouth and a warm mocha latte that I will be writing a letter to a dirty magazine about some time later today."
"That'll be our sixth, right hon?" Julie's voice, returned to the background, came.
"Fifth, dear. Our drive down the Al-Can ended up a two-parter, but still counts as one. But back to you, Mr. Whyte. La Contessa requested she paint my portrait, and my wife agreed because they both love me that much. For my last birthday, My First Girlfriend issued me a San Finzione Ministry of Intelligence License to Kill."
Helen cut in.
"That was a gag gift, Troy. I mean, yeah, it's real, but still."
"My point, Mr. Whyte, is that I speak without hyperbole when I say that your last four words, coming from your lips, flatter me more than I have ever felt in my life."
"You're a very loyal ex-boyfriend, Mr. Equals. Have you seen the All-Star Cast that's traipsed through her bedroom since?"
"She's My FIRST Girlfriend, sir, but I never accepted her resignation. I'm also a very loyal grandson. So please understand, sir, that your last comment compels me to tell you to go fuck yourself and the goat and the whore that conceived you."
Sounds of laughter and kissing came from the other end of the line.
"Now, Troilus," Helena said, in a mock tone of condescending to a child. "That was very rude. Mr. Whyte called to threaten Yia-Yia, and he's a very busy man, so let's not keep him. Let him deliver his threat so he can get on with his day." She went back to her normal voice. "Sorry about that, Leonard. KIDS! Ya know? Please, go on."
"I'm glad you're having fun with this, Helena, did you know that? Because with your 'no bystanders' rule, I'm forced to invent fun of my own."
He looked down at the street far below. A limousine was stopped at a red light.
"You really should have been at the ceremony, Helena. Everyone who's anyone was there. Why, even the Elders sent a delegation."
Helen's voice became serious. Leonard watched as below, a pair of motorcycles pulled up to either side of the limo.
"And why are the Elders worth name-dropping, Leonard?"
"Because of the recent death of a man whose only crime was sharing a name with someone whom I pulled entirely out of my ass. An act of appeasement to... what do the Triads call you? Oh, yes. 'The Viper That Speaks All the Tongues of Man. I'm sure the representative you sent to let the Elders know that the matter was settled was very convincing. The Triads were certain the issue was resolved. An unprovoked attack would catch them completely off guard. And it's important because someone established a No Innocent Bystanders rule, and... well, I'd hardly call a team of Triad lawyers and accountants 'innocent.' Would you, Helena?"
"Mr. Whyte," Troy's voice came from her side. "I proposed to my best friend, and she said yes. Her father entrusted me with a firearm to defend his daughter. The Colonel often compliments me on my handshake. My secret is that my workouts focus on grip, arm, and upper body strength. My reason for THAT is a secret worry that, on the day Daddy's Little Girl squeezes my hand bringing his first grandchild into the world, my Partner-In-Everything may very well rip off my arm and beat me with it. This morning, she did something to me with her mouth and a warm mocha latte that I will be writing a letter to a dirty magazine about some time later today."
"That'll be our sixth, right hon?" Julie's voice, returned to the background, came.
"Fifth, dear. Our drive down the Al-Can ended up a two-parter, but still counts as one. But back to you, Mr. Whyte. La Contessa requested she paint my portrait, and my wife agreed because they both love me that much. For my last birthday, My First Girlfriend issued me a San Finzione Ministry of Intelligence License to Kill."
Helen cut in.
"That was a gag gift, Troy. I mean, yeah, it's real, but still."
"My point, Mr. Whyte, is that I speak without hyperbole when I say that your last four words, coming from your lips, flatter me more than I have ever felt in my life."
"You're a very loyal ex-boyfriend, Mr. Equals. Have you seen the All-Star Cast that's traipsed through her bedroom since?"
"She's My FIRST Girlfriend, sir, but I never accepted her resignation. I'm also a very loyal grandson. So please understand, sir, that your last comment compels me to tell you to go fuck yourself and the goat and the whore that conceived you."
Sounds of laughter and kissing came from the other end of the line.
"Now, Troilus," Helena said, in a mock tone of condescending to a child. "That was very rude. Mr. Whyte called to threaten Yia-Yia, and he's a very busy man, so let's not keep him. Let him deliver his threat so he can get on with his day." She went back to her normal voice. "Sorry about that, Leonard. KIDS! Ya know? Please, go on."
"I'm glad you're having fun with this, Helena, did you know that? Because with your 'no bystanders' rule, I'm forced to invent fun of my own."
He looked down at the street far below. A limousine was stopped at a red light.
"You really should have been at the ceremony, Helena. Everyone who's anyone was there. Why, even the Elders sent a delegation."
Helen's voice became serious. Leonard watched as below, a pair of motorcycles pulled up to either side of the limo.
"And why are the Elders worth name-dropping, Leonard?"
"Because of the recent death of a man whose only crime was sharing a name with someone whom I pulled entirely out of my ass. An act of appeasement to... what do the Triads call you? Oh, yes. 'The Viper That Speaks All the Tongues of Man. I'm sure the representative you sent to let the Elders know that the matter was settled was very convincing. The Triads were certain the issue was resolved. An unprovoked attack would catch them completely off guard. And it's important because someone established a No Innocent Bystanders rule, and... well, I'd hardly call a team of Triad lawyers and accountants 'innocent.' Would you, Helena?"
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